living my life into its fullest

[julykings-blog]

Hi people it's been months since I created a blog, today is Sunday may 10 2026, I'm currently lying on my bed in my little dorm, there's a lot of events happened this past months, let's start on last year 2025 where I feel contented and blessed on what happened in my life after I found a job that suits my skills, As I experienced the very difficult situation and was able to passed through, I promised to myself not to do the mistakes I did and learn from it, and do my best, I tried to save money for the future but there's a lot of destructions though that I earned more than my previous jobs, I'm still broke and no savings, in the past months I decided to take risk and tried to do vlogging knowing that I could earn money from it because most of people I've watched on social media earned, the risk is I spent a lot of money buying foods and go to different place to just captured every beautiful moments just to create a content, but ended up nothing, my pages and social media never grow it's really hard to get a followers and I started to lose hope, I realized that maybe this is not for me, being content creator is really hard specially if you're an introvert, I thought I could do the things that anybody on social media did, but ended up realizing that this is not that easy, I bought a camera and drone for this that cost me a lot and ended up for nothing, I never earn even a single coin, the other bad things happened to me is that -I met a girl in my job and she is attractive I get more attract to her when I saw her in the same health center where we filed sick live at the same time she greeted me which usual and that makes me like her more, I get really close to her and I thought since she always greeting me everyday and talked to me I thought the feelings are mutual, one day she invated me to travel to a beautiful falls I really had beautiful day that time with her with a beautiful spot a beautiful falls that I never know it was existed, but after we hang out for more than a month I told her that I like her though I'm hesitant but I need to be brave and take a risked than regrets, but she said she just like me as a friend no more than that and asked me to stop telling her how I felt for her or else our friendship will be ruin, then after that she distant herself andc evrytime I talk to her I really felt she wanted to ignore me and really don't like to talk to me anymore though I feel regret that I confessed but I'm still positive that we only live once to do it or regret it for the rest of your life, knowing that she really don't like me I distant myself as well, I don't wanna chase a girl that doesn't even appreciate that is not grateful a girl that didn't even how to figure out a true person that really care or not though she told me her secrets or her past love life I realized now that girls will chose to take risk as long as they want that person means even they knew that you're the one that could fullfil the love that they dream of to have they still choose what they really like, now I ended up alone again I felt that she really don't like me so I stop chasing her even the friendship ends.

I felt depressed again after all what happened to me, no saving, no love life, my family friends are too far and some of them forget me and the closeness are gone unlike when we always with them and ended up being alone, I dragged myself to go to work everyday telling myself that no one will able to help me but me so even if you feel dead inside I always decided just move on,

Life is really hard and being me is really hard, there a lot wrong with me, maybe because I'm not that good, I'm not handsome, I'm ugly I don't have any, I don't have house or empire, if I were a girl I will never choose myself as well, maybe I need to build myself first at least the girl that I will meet next will feel the security and might stay with me,

Upon degrading myself I ended up like a bomb than could explode anytime, then one day at my work though that bpo industry are really fast pace work and a very toxic environment which I knew well I don't have a choice I don't wanna return to my previous job which I just earn minimum, but this time all my anger in my heart that I holding on for so long exploded, in the middle of my duty while everybody was busy handling and talking to customers, I exploded, I lose control, the system are always slow and the tools are not friendly user but that's normal I knew that it all combined in my mind and makes me out of control, it happend again I always control myself and promised not to do such a thing to endangered my situation since I did that before and it really endangered my life, and again this time unconsciously gave up what O hold on to for so long, I unconsciously smashed the mouse it bounce on the table towards to the monitor, the monitor turn dark and cracked, I shouted for anger and burst all my frustration that I kept for so long, I knew it was wrong there's something inside me that went out really fast, after the explosion, I felt lighter, I felt at ease, it satisfying, but then after I felt ashamed of mysef, I felt vulnerable, I felt weak, I felt afraid and I felt daunted, I regretted what I had done but it's too late, there's murmuring all over the place, I cannot bring back the image that I ruined, all of them talks about me, managers started to tap me and asked to go to the conference room, I told myself this is it, this is the end, just like that, I throw the things that I worked so hard for very long time, I just dropped the important thing that keeping me still, all the things I restrained all the patience and sacrifice that I did are all gone now.

Then they sanctioned me, on the conference room I explained my side even I knew I was wrong I am really wronged, on the other day they set a meeting for me to explained what happened from Operational Manager to the very Top manager and He manager, i told them everything.

I showed my remorsed and able to explained myself sincerely, the managers felt my repentance, and fortunately they gave me one more chance,

When I went home I prayed to God until now I'm still praying, I promised again that I should build my empire first before I court any girl that I like,

I should really focus on my goals and avoid any noise.

I hope you like my story and learn from it, this is the end of my story this past months, stay tuned and wait for my other life stories thank you.

[julykings-blog]

It's been awhile since I posted a blog, the photo you saw was a coffee I bought in baguio City Philippines, this photo took after my tour there and I was at bus station called Victory Liner, I really had a good time here, and I just wanted to end my 2025 memorable since I'm drown to my job and felt imprisoned, baguio city is really my stress reliever since it's cold and peacefully especially if you're in province or part of mountains, the foods are great and the places are nostalgic, every corner has a great andbeautiful spot especially those who likes to take a pictures or have an Instagramable photos, what I really like about this place is the warm feeling away from reality of life and you know what it's not that expensive but the experience is great, plus the resto bar here are awesome, I always longing here especially when I felt down and if my anxiety kicks in due to many months of continuesly working in my corporate job, I wish I had a business where giving me a freedom to travel, happy new year everyone! Welcome 2026 it's been a rough year but I learned a lot, I hope you get the goals in life that you really want me I'm almost there what I just really advise is whatever happened to your life just embrace it and learn from all your failures, the world is yours! No one can take it as far as your always pray and listen to God's words read the bible follow his guidance and never left his discipline.

[julykings-blog]

Hi good day ! It's been a couple of months since I posted a blog about my life,

As you can see in the picture, people who are flexing their gift cards, well guess where I'm at? That's me near the elevator,

I can consider that this picture shows happiness and success, but not really a successful outcome, but I could say it was, because small progress was still a progress

Finally I found a job that suits my ability and limit, it is not a perfect job but at least I earned higher than before and the job is just simple, although it still stresses but at least it's tolerable unlike on my other accounts that I handled.

I just decided to make a blog about this to urge everyone not to give up on what you're experiencing right now or if you are struggling in life, your time will come, soon you will find the right job for you, it is not perfect but at least it was better than before.

On my recent blogs I disclosed our disputes in my family especially my grandma, good news we are on good terms now, she realized her mistakes and returned to our house. She was obligated to return because she didn't have any other choice but to return to us, as we are the ones who can tolerate her behavior,

Past forward my grandfather died and I was forced to return to my family though me and my sister have had a disagreement before, but I want to forget that, because that is normal for siblings, but it is still unfair for me I tried to look what their side tried to put myself on their shoes but I'd still ended up feeling unfair, but when I went back, their lives was still normal I'm glad they are all fine, I'm hesitant to return to our house but because my grandfather died I returned home well I can't say this is home anymore, home has a lot of meaning and the main meaning of home is shelter if you're tired you could rest to find your peace, we just have a simple conversation talking about our past lives, then i invited one of my friends to visit me in my mother's and sisters house, then we ate there my mom cooked adobo that time, I appreciate the simple approach which is normal for a guess, well even I feel the good treatment, but I felt like I'm not belong there, your know when your become an adult it is really uncomfortable staying on a house that has history of disputes, it is not because of resentment but because you already realized that you don't have an authority to stay there, and there some things and principles that not aligned to theirs, maybe I could just visit some time but staying there is really makes me uncomfortable,

All I want to have now is a house I called my own but that's really hard to achieve in my status right now but adversities makes me stronger, I want to build a house where no one says hurtful words because it is not your house so you don't have the right to do anything which is fact, In my part I can't stay there even just for a night it is not about my pride and haughty but it's about the feeling that I experienced before during the time I stayed there. and I don't want feel that anymore.

It is not about the resentment, whatever they are or even how painful your past is, I still love them as a family, it's about because you are old enough to live separately on your own principles, at the same time life avoiding the words of my sister or anyone there,

I saw my brother who almost broke my neck when I was little, he looks thin maybe because of diabetes which we inherent to my mother's side genes, all the bad things he did flash back I can't look on his face he didn't change much he's still the same his aura of boastful, mom said he's still drunkard I was hurt when mom tried to help him even he's a drunkard and even he disrespect all of us which affect my mental health and never leave him even he had multiple misdemeanor, but that's fine that's life we can't change things that we can't control maybe she just really love my brother, sometimes my mind telling me to revenge but I think of it thousand times but I still love my brother, Our heart is decietful as bible says, not living here makes me avoid the hurtful words of my sister and brother or whoever here, telling me I'm bobo or walang narating till now ganyan kapadin like words could make you depressed, they are always right, though it shows their verbal treatment like a you are a guess at the same time you know what's was really runs on their mind, I felt outcast because I feel like I'm not good enough to be with them they are so perfect in a way that I'm the one who's not because I'm not a Jehovah witness I don't want to follow what they are, and what they wanted me to be, I believed in God but I don't believe in religion and your actions should be shown based on what you learned but that doesn't show. Religions separate people, why would I stay in a place that you're not comfortable right? As long as you could live in a place where you find your peace you should choose your peace and that house, it won't give me a peace of mind.

What really gives you peace of mind is your own home, a home that is no judgement, No discrimination at all, but pure Love which everyone wants to achieve.

[julykings-blog]

Once upon a time in my highschool days, I fell in love with a girl for the first time, I'm satisfied with my life I had friends and no problem at all since my family could afford a middle class life during this time, well then when i first saw this girl I'm not really into women, during my highschool days since I have sisters I think that girls are just "maarte" and I'm annoyed with them, but I don't understand what i felt that time, sorry for my grammar but I felt until now I'm struggling to construct my grammar, and then day by day I always notice her and I can't help to ignore her she really caught my attention, she's captivating specially her voice it's feels like there something on her voice that make you fall in love with her, her eyes the smell of her perfume and honestly her boobs are big well I'm not a pervert but for us guys it's an advantage like you girls have preference as well right?, then days goes by I never noticed that I fell for her, but she don't know what I felt for her, and then I tell my secret to my friends but I told them that I just want her body it is because I feel embarrassed when I directly inform them that I fell for her, then finally there's a time that I corner her and on that spot I confess to her and told her that I really like and since it is my first time to fall in love with a girl I ask her if may pag asa ba Ako? She said yes, time goes by but nothing happened I feel like it is really hard to talk to her since I confess my love for her, but I can't express I'm always shaking whenever she's near me. Then I was surprised when my sister knew that I liked this girl then gave me advice, she told he you should show your love by giving her flowers she will be very happy. Then though I'm really hesitant to do it, it's not just that I'm an introvert and also shy, I'm not the type of guy giving flowers for a girl, but since I really want her and this is not just admiring her, you know the feeling of you fall in love for the first time, the feeling is really intense... Well I will end this story for now, because I'm at Starbucks and whenever I'm in a crowded place I feel at ease and my anxiety kicks in, this is the problem of introvert.. I'll play mobile legends to forget this feeling so stay tuned. Well anyway the picture was captured 2023 with my co-workers team building at Zambales beach in the Philippines.

[julykings-blog]

Hi guys today it's Thursday, June 19 2025, so on this photo you see porridge, this is my every morning breakfast, I usually buy this after work, I ride about 10 to 15 minutes from my job to my dorm, then it's about 15 minutes walk to my dorm,I preferred fresh food that made by our grandmother's, since I grew up along with my grandparents for me those food that created by our ancestors are healthier than any food nowadays, it's been a couple of weeks since I created a blog, well I'm really busy on something that make me feel alive, that indulge me on my spare time more than spending time learning or do something that doesn't trigger my dopamine, which is learning English, reading books or anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, but what I notice is that, the things that could help us in real life is, it's really doesn't make us happy right? do you also feel this way?, We all know that learning could make you money, but if you think of it if you learn these skills it could give you financially stable to keep your life secure at ease. Well today is my day off so I have plenty of time to create a blog and I heard and remembered an advice that if you start something right now that you don't want to do, then; after; you don't realize that you are doing it simultaneously without thinking that this is hard until it's done, so I advise that if you don't want to do things that won't giving you excitement, just do it without any excuses then after, you never realized you already done it.

Let's talk about this past day of my life routine, as you remember there is one story that I deleted on my blogs, only my followers knew that, well even I don't have one but this is my life so even I don't have followers I can do whatever I want, this is about the misunderstanding that happened to one of my friend, we reconciled and we talk about things heart to heart, so it is unfair to say inappropriate things to someone if we know it clearly that they redeemed themselves on someone they are not, and sometime we prejudice situation and people we encountered in our everyday life, based on our own understanding and interpretation or point of view, but is this normal?, Well for me people get used to judged, however sometimes there's some things that suppose to be done to see the better results, it's not just on job or friendship or in any relationships, it's on everything and every process of our everyday life on earth, every situation reaction or any decision we do today will have a significant changes in the future it is interconnected, to make things in align or dismantle.

In my life I learned that you don't need to regret things, you don't need to feel pity or feel sorry for something you have done to your past life, it's all experiences that will form you and other people around you into better versions, to reap better outcomes or it could be unfortunate outcomes, outcomes are based on our decisions whether it is good or bad.

[julykings-blog]

I could say that this is a perfect day. though there's some hesitation and regret, spending money is crucial but as they say money is just a paper but the memories are treasure and we cannot bring back time, We feel ashamed and guilty when we know we take things for granted but all we know that there will be no rainbow without a rain, Gold will be pure of intense heat, Clam's bear pearls amidst irritation, those are cycle of life which inevitable, but why we act and suddenly make decisions quickly, but maybe we are just so tired of what is going on in our lives, and because of the struggles and the sadness we've gone through, we just let things flown as it should be, maybe because of rejections, betrayal and hardships, but maybe things are meant to blend when time heals when it's pure or maybe it's just a coincidence, cycle of life will still remain like the wave in the sea like the butterfly flew from flowers it synchronized in every aspect means seamless connections. But the most beautiful things in this world are amendments, humility and acceptance, those people who are strong enough to bring the mountains where it supposed to be, The awareness of not letting things ruin whether they are less important is powerful than its desires. We appreciate those people who overcome and stand for what is right amidst confrontation,and ambiguity, Stand beyond the understanding.

[julykings-blog]

Hi guys how was everyone? It's been awhile since I created a blog, today was may 17,2025 how fast the days went by, I just recently moved from my job to another, but If you ask me how I am right now well I could say I'm fine though I experienced another struggles this past few months like having problems with friends and my co-workers I was mentally bullied by my co-workers I don't know why I'm always bullied maybe because I look fragile and they thought I will never fight back they mentally bullied me, sometimes I don't wanna goto work because of them it's not the company or any struggles on the process of work dealing with them is stressful and inconvenient. I tried to just ignore them and stay away from them but everyday they always criticized all my flows even the clothes I wore I'm getting tired of it. There's a point where I lost my temper and I was engulfed by my emotions, I have problem with anger management. I know losing my temper has negative consequences, but sometimes I can't help it. to avoid hurting anyone, To cope and to regain control, I bang my head on the table to release the tension, which helps me to calm down, afterwards, I feel calm and regain my consciousness. This is the only option that I knew to cease undeserved criticism and verbal abuse, and when you fight back they will protrude that you are a bad person showing that they are the only one who could throw defamation words towards you and they normalized it. They silence your reason to justify yourself, well what I did Is I just pretend to be dumb and show them a positive approach I told them that I have no hatred or animosity towards them, I express that I still want them to be friends though I know in the bible that Proverbs 20:19

A slanderer goes about revealing confidential talk; Do not associate with one who loves to gossip.

Because during the days I was associated with them I heard multiple rumors from them defaming other people or any employee in our company they made gossips and spoke private information of anyone they wanted to talk about which reveals confidential information of a person. And I know that's not right.

Then after that scenario wherein i lost control, my TL told me are you alright you were shaking would you like to go to clinic she said I told him I'm alright I just blackout but now I was able to regain my control,

Then after a few days their demeanor suddenly changed, I feel respected now though it's not totally respected but the approach on me was not like the past days they became lenient with me this time.

Well I could say that even though I don't have any option to cease them from mentally or verbally abused me at least I found an option on that very emotional moment I cannot say that that option was totally effective but we still haven't done any drastic action to literally change their attitude.

The latter part of my story is I heard from them that they are having confrontation with other people meaning it's not just me but other people notice their offensive demeanor.

I end this blog leaving these verses.

Proverbs 27:12 states, "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." This means wise people anticipate problems and take steps to avoid them, while those who are foolish continue on a dangerous path and suffer the consequences.

Romans 12:19, from the New International Version, states: "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

[julykings-blog]

Hello guys long time no blog,it has been about half a year now since my last blog last year where I lost my job again let's say left lol, I just write down whatever thoughts I have in my mind right now, time flies so fast after my last blog where I made a bad decision and now I could say that it's just like a volcano there will be a chaos but the outcome will be brilliant. I found another job where it makes me feel comfortable and satisfied, This job is not that difficult compared to my previous jobs. And I hope It will last, it matches my ability and I could say it's easy and has higher compensation, sometimes I don't know if there's a time that mistakes sometimes leads you to a better place. Well now my comrades are still the same when it comes to attitude but at least it's not as toxic as before. I've learned a lot from 2024 and it really makes me more strong and smart. Talking about the picture imagine how much this tasty noodles are called "palabok" here in the Philippines, noodles with boiled shrimps&egg sauce was only 60 pesos, though it was cheaper but it is more affordable before, when I was 4yrs old before it was just 20pesos but due to inflation rate and corruption all things got pricey nowadays. Going back I've been working for about a half a year now since my last blog and previous job. But I still regret the things that I did on my last job, but I don't know maybe that is necessary sometimes. Well I didn't brag that I had gone wild inside the production floor I think I was the only one who did that. But never let your emotions control you always remember the verse. Proverbs 29:11 Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.

[julykings-blog]

Hi guys have a nice day today, well it's been really quite long since I created a blog, this time I'm going to explain what happened to my life in 2024,

While I was at my mom's house I tried to apply for multiple jobs and companies, Of all the companies I applied for fortunately I got hired at BPO company for Telco or Telecommunications, it's a minimum compensation and benefits but at least instead of just waiting at home and just reading book and watching movies, I accepted the job offer.

So far at training everything is quite simple and good, everything was going according to plan, expectation and my plan, I got at least the number 2 spot as best sales employee of my team, not bad for a beginner in this account though I had previous experience,

But lately when I get endorsed in the production floor everything is out of my hand

I felt that my new team really doesn't like me,

They never approached me even though I tried to get along but even though they tried to be friendly toward me it still shows the un authentic approach and feeling of unwelcome,

I tried to ignore it since I know that it is not easy for me to get along with since I'm an introvert person, but at least I tried, specially my team leader I tried to give her a present at least she will become lenient and just to avoid the inconvenience or aloof between us.

After a month of calling I felt that it's really hard to approach her, she didn't even initiate to help though she knows that I'm a newbie on the account she didn't even try to ask if where or what process I'm having difficulty,

When I tried to ask for assistance, I was always pleased with her just to help me, she's always not available and just found out she was in another station and just did some gossip,

The other day, she told me that they forgot to punch my log in which results in an insufficient salary, though I never react but that is painful since training I always get inadequate salary which is really different from what I signed for,

I'm really eager to get the incentives, I never late in my entire days in this company nor did absences and I almost meet all the metrics but unfortunately, I missed most of the sales opportunities due to system issues and equipment issues like malfunctioning keyboard, mouse, monitor and system issues, this might be a constant despite switching stations, especially the lack of help of my team leader.

I compared my last Team Leader where he will do everything to help you, he will initiate to help you, he will not stop until everything is resolved, you can feel his sincerity though I know that not all the Leader was like him, but at least now appreciate that kind of help,

And the day comes that we only have 1 day remaining to get the incentives, I was able to meet all the required metrics, then suddenly there's another system issue, I approach my team leader to help me out but no help on that day she prioritize her tenured agent, and I'm really having a hard time on that day especially on how to operate the tools, equipments, no help at all, no support at all, I'm really piss off but I don't want to show it, I keep myself relax and avoid myself to get out of control and I really tried my very best to get everything under control not until the next day.

It has been 3 days since this happened I wanted to report this Team Leader to the Manager, then suddenly I'm really getting annoyed by my team mates, they didn't even respect their co-worker who's taking calls they like shouting, screaming and even gossip behind my back, and the very person annoyed me when my colleague occupied my desk and laid on his foot with his dirty shoes and that's almost everyday, I really tried my best to keep calm but day by day, this frustration really triggered me.

On the other day I went to the office upon logging in on my station, again all of the tools weren't working again including the equipment, and again I saw my colleague laid his foot with his dirty shoes on my desk or chair again this time I lost my control, I shouted very loudly and said unnecessary bad words, without my conscious I throw everything that I see including keyboard, mouse, and headset and shouted very loudly, with my satisfaction to release my anger, I keep throwing the chair and kicked my colleague who is sleeping inside the office the one who laid on his foot on my chair with his dusty shoes.

Upon releasing all my frustrations, I suddenly I realized the mistakes I have made. I plead with my team leader to exit and file a leave since I am not in a good mood,

I sincerely say sorry to all the people that got affected by my behavior and left and never came back.

Now I lost my job, and ended up jobless again.

While I'm at my dorm I just remembeyr the verses that I read in the bible:

Proverbs 29:11 A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, But the wise one calmly keeps them in check.

Proverbs 14:29 The one who is slow to anger has great discernment, But the impatient one displays his foolishness.

Though I already read these verses, however when you're in that situation it's really hard to control your emotions until you burst them out then you realize all you have done was all wrong.

#frustration

#lostcontrol

#jobless

#outofcontrol

#bibleverse

[julykings-blog]

It's been a long time since I created a blog, Well today I'm just reading a selfhelp book about leadership, though I'm not sure why I'm reading this but I just saw it on bookstore and it seems like it's interesting and it's affordable so i bought it,

This book is about encouraging someone to continue to reach his goal and dreams, and as a leader it will emphasize how to be an effective leader.

There are some words as well that resonates with me where notion and conception have different meaning.

Notion refers to vague understanding or belief about something. It implies less concrete or less informed view. It can be an opinion or perception that doesn't have any deep understanding or knowledge.

On the other hand Conception means certain beliefs with more concrete information and understanding. It implies clearer or more comprehensive understanding. It often involves a deeper level of knowledge, interpretation, or analysis.

[julykings-blog]

The damage has been done, A word sorry couldn't easily fix things, We can forgive the deeds you've done, but the defamation has damaged our reputation and our names, if my sister didn't scrutinize the truth to clear our names, Our dignity and reputation will be ruined forever.

Time will heal your heart but scars left remain, and we can't unite rotten tomatoes to fine tomatoes where it could ruin them all,

Leviticus 19:16

You must not go around spreading slander among your people. You must not stand up against the life of your fellow man.

Proverbs 20:19

A slanderer goes about revealing confidential talk; Do not associate with one who loves to gossip.

Proverbs 16:28

A troublemaker causes dissension, And a slanderer separates close friends.

[julykings-blog]

Things are now getting out of hand, things getting worse again. While I'm staying at my mom's house for about three months right now my grandma was having a conflict with my sister, and as well with my mother, My mom secretly messaged me and complained about her attitude, which lead to exclude her in my mom's house.

One day, my second older sister told me that my father's diabetis was getting worse, and he had injured in his left foot and got infected. To prevent the infection from spreading to his bone, they need to amputate his left knee. My father left us about 7 yrs ago and now lived with his mistress.

The problem was that his mistress refused to help him, indicating that she didn't truly care about him, it seemed that the consequences of his actions had led to unfavorable results, Our driver took him to my grandfather's house instead of our home so he could recover.

The next morning, We were shocked to see his truck parked in front of our garage. My family had resentment towards my aunt because she supported him by providing him a truck for his business with his mistress,

Due to his adultery, our religion as Jehovah's witnesses condemned his actions and he was expelled from our house for life, it was forbidden for him to stay, and all communication with him was prohibited,

We suspected my grandma's involvement in parking the truck in front of our garage as it was associated with my father's sinful actions. As a result, my sister confronted my grandma, and my grandma was sent exile at my grandfather's house.

This led to my grandma to retaliate by spreading rumors to tarnish our names and cursing us, The situation worsened as our relatives, who had different religions, condemned us for not helping our father without being aware of the true circumstances, Though we were hesitant, we decided to appease them by having my sister give me money to drive my father to the hospital. However, due to my own diabetis and deteriorating health, I couldn't stay at the hospital, and it was my aunt who remained there instead.

In the days i stayed in my mother's house though i felt cared i felt useless, i felt incomplete i saw my sister was successful in her job my brother owns our company and my other older sister has his own family away from us and has stable job with good compensation,

My brother was always drunk and almost everyday he was a public nuisance and he really stressed us out ever since in highschool he always beat me up led to a permanent injury on my neck, which persist until now since he tried to break it, that really traumatized me.

Contemplating things happened way back i ask myself, how about me then? they never helped me when my daughter and x wife left me, they never showed empathy, they blamed me for all the things and mistakes i did until now even though I repent and say sorry for what i have done, i didn't mean to get rebelled during that time because I'm in a state of grief, due to the lost of my own family specially my daughter, because they are not Jehovah Witnesses they treat them differently, i lost them and I'm in pain up until now, it just covered the painful memories by entertainment and family trip and bonding, and by worshipping God, it's painful to see that your x wife married with other guy with my daughter.

They don't know what i really felt because I tried my best not to show or express the sadness I carried. I tried to find happiness in someone but I couldn't, and ended up broke no job no money at all, even though my mom was not talking about it maybe she didn't want me to stay in our house jobless, i feel nothing even I'm at home i need to find a job as soon as possible to make me feel person again to make my mom proud at me and myself, They brag about their wealth but they can't help you at all.

What worries me if my mom will be gone I would hope not and please God give her a long life until i become successful so that i can repay her for what she did for me, It really makes me worried, and I couldn't build a family thinking that if I will stay here longer, it's really hard to find a partner when you're introvert specially if you're a Jehovah Witnesses, i wanted to have my own family since I'm already 36 yrs old, and the worst thing is, if you're in this religion if you disfellowshipped you can't stay in your parents house, though I know that in this age you should be independent but I was robbed I almost build my own empire and almost stand on my own though it's hard, In this religion they will forbid you to communicate to your family lifetime once you committed a serious sin, unless you return or reconcile or repent but it still depends, I can't buy what i want and it's really hard just stay here knowing that you still don't have any at the same time worried that if you work again your health will be deteriorated, I really don't know when should I start, what should I do.

Despite all that i still like this religion because they really follow the Gods law and all his words are true and lead you for good, but sometimes we can't control the situation which leads us to consequences.

Sometimes i think even though I'm still in their religion i still can't feel their help, I saw some other family that they did everything for their son to succeed they supported them, instead of discouraged their son they push them to have a great motivation to succeed, though i can eat and drink and stay at home but they didn't care about what i really want for my future.

Maybe right sometimes only us could build your own empire rather than waiting for God's plan. I don't want to feel being useless and unhappy in my entire life.

I don't know what will I do but what's on my mind right now is to find a job right away, In able for the bycycle to run you need to continue, I don't know if i can make it at this age I'm turning 36 this july 2024 please if there is a God help me.

[julykings-blog]

Hi guys sorry for not consistently posting blogs, but today i just wanna share my experience on watching this movie "The pursuit of happiness, Base on true story, The story was about a father who has an unfettered determination to provide a better life for his son in spite of setbacks, It showcases the power of resilience, determination.

But if i were in this guy shoe i would have died because he never sleep nor eat, he always worrying and agonizing, depressed and agitated, He always running on this movie while he's at work he might get sweaty and he never change his clothes which could possibly cause him get severe cough if you let your sweat dry on your back, He's lucky because he have a strong immune system which his advantage to endure that kind of situation.

Those sentences take away in this movie:

"Believe in yourself and your dream

“Make your vision larger than yourself.” 

 “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” 

“If you believe you can do it, you will.” 

“The world is your oyster. It’s up to you to find the pearls.”

The road to happiness is full of setbacks, so never give up the Pursuit of Happiness.

“Start where you are.” 

“Don’t ever let somebody tell you, you can’t do something. Not even me. Alright?” 

“Do something that makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself.” 

“I am strong because I’ve been weak. I am fearless because I’ve been afraid. I am wise because I’ve been foolish.” 

“Every finish line is the beginning of a new race.” 

[julykings-blog]

It's been awhile since i created a blog, this video was located at Sinagtala farm and resort in Orani Bataan Philippines, I'm with my grandma and sister here we planned to hangout for a moment to unwind and relax, that was a cup of coffee with cocoa it really taste good and you know what? it doesn't have any sugar at all but it taste so good, it makes me warm and energized, plus the relaxing sensation of the trees and serenity of the place, the ambiance will make this hangout very comfortable and relaxing, it was a perfect place to think and contemplate.

I highly recommend this place you can also rent a room and swim at their swimming pool and the view was breath taking.

Well talking about my life right now i still don't have a job what I'm doing right now is preparing myself for interviews if in case i applied, and I'm reading some history cause i love history and the book i bought in sm which is world's greatest speeches i hope i will remember the unfamiliar words cause I'm checking the dictionary whenever i read some unfamiliar words.

Well though I'm reading a lot of english history and books and watching movies I still don't have enough confidence I feel like I'm still lack of knowledge when it comes to English Language i still can't say that I'm fluent.

But I'm still not giving up, most of the time i feel like i want to study again and i want a course of psychology and lawyer.

I know this is too late for my age but i want to do things that could improve and be a better version before I get very old and died.

Living in my mom's house right now i feel guilty most of the time though my mom is not thinking about getting a job urgently but I feel pity and useless for myself.

I want to find a job but i remember my condition is not that good i feel strong as of now but i know that if i drive myself again on working hard my health will become detrimental again, but i need to find a job and word for my future though it's really late but for me what i really felt is I'm not that ready to dive into that decision right now, to go to work again, but soon maybe if Gods will, because I can't stay here all my life without doing nothing, I'm just afraid to leave my mom again she's really old and my grandma but I don't have any choice, I don't have a choice but to fight again to continue my journey my goals,

I pray to God to give me wisdom to be successful in any decisions i do or any job that i will choose and specially my health i wish and pray he will give me strength to fight again to endure until i became successful me and my family.

[julykings-blog]

it's been awhile since i posted a blog, i never thought god bless me this much, it's been 2 months since the day i was robbed and went back home, we often hang out and drink a coffee i think we visited most of the coffee shop around the cities and ate in different restaurant with my sister and family.

i feel so relaxed, tranquil, and stable I'm not thinking about anything no worries at all though i still have unfinished business that i should do sooner but as of now I'm just enjoying my vacation which God gave me to atleast i think return to my self and found myself again,

God's plan was effective I overcame my depression and anxiety, the problem is i don't want to work anymore since it really feels great staying here in my mom's house and being with my family for 2 months now, It really feels good, but I'm still thinking this is just temporary it will not gonna last forever, so i need to do something for myself and to have a better future if the time will comes.

but guys there is nothing in this world that will replace this happiness I feel right now though I'm still not successful but having and being with your family was so perfect.

I learned that no money can buy happiness Family is more important than anything, i hope you learn from my life stories,

that's all for today see you on my next blog

God bless you all God is really cares.

[julykings-blog]

okay guys it's been a while since i posted a blog here in tmblr, this blog is about my story of while i'm staying here in my mom's and sisters house, as you can see guys my previous blog was i got robbed at the beach where i tried to go for fun but unfortunately i was robbed by bad people, then i went to my mom's and sisters house since I don't have a choice where i should go and maybe this is Gods way, i was almost living here for about almost a month now all i did was sleeping and watching movies reading manga, and checking for an online job but i feel like i don't want to commit to any jobs right now since i have lack of money and i didn't feel physical and mentally well and i'm thinking about my mom as well if i left who will look for her she's getting older now. i am also worried about my health and what if i got sick again since i have diabetis,

Actually while I'm typing this blog i have a fever and cold, i feel so weak at the same time i feel guilty by not doing anything in my moms and sisters house, i feel useless,

These past few days i met a girl named Gloria on Facebook, She was a cryptocurrency trader a half japanese girl i like her appearance she has everything i like about a girl, cute and beautiful and she has a stable job and a professional graphic designer, we chatted for about a month then we both want to have in relationship since we have the same bad experience in relationship i thought she will understand me until, at first we are good we share our problems and my problems too we are both empathetic to each other which make me fall to her but since i have been on a lot of relationship it is not new if she will left me,

Then suddenly the kind and understanding girl was changed in an instance, she forced me to find a job though i know that she is correct that i need to secure our future since we promise to each other to get marry once we settled everything and she will tried to visit me and i told her i will visit her as well on Cebu since we have different province im in Bataan province and she came from Cebu province but i felt that it is not the time yet, Then she tried to teach me on how to do trade with the permission of her uncle then when she asked me to bet i said I don't have money then she tried to insist though she said she will send me one thousand and the rest I'll find a way to atleast learn and do trade, i said that it is not the right time but she still insisting and forcing me but i felt a little bit mad since she's not listening, then we ended up fighting and argued about my current situation,

She belittled me and humiliated me i felt oppressed, she humiliated me from my situation and she said if I don't do anything right now she will break up with me, she said I'm depending on my mom though i already told her why i went to my mom since i was robbed, then I don't want to accept the fact that this is another mistake relationship, I don't have a choice now..

But to let her go, without a second thought, Base in my past relationships I'm really afraid to lose someone they always left me due to my situation in life but now I don't want to force anything i knew that i already did my best they what I'm thinking is if they want to leave just leave if they want to stay then stay, I don't have any energy to fight for someone to stay since i experience many heart breaks before, this time i don't want to fight or chase or sacrifice, I believe that if the girl really love you she will accept you and help you no matter what though i know that she is right i feel useless i still don't have a job but i know in the right time everything will be alright,

If time comes that i recover from my health and become mentally fit I'll find a job as soon as possible, while at home i read many books, history and practicing english, but i need time, jobless is not a valid reason to leave your boyfriend or your love one in this difficult time she is not the right girl to keep, though most of the girls wants a guy who have stable job and good income but i already told her everything before she make promises and commitment and she said she will not going to leave me no matter what happen but she lied so i decided to let her go but i still believe that there's still a girl that will accept your situation and help you to grow and she will stay untill you succeed that's the true love,

But if there's none I don't know, my mind was just floating right now,i know that she is right but if she can't wait then she is free to find someone else,

I told her I don't deserve her i don't know but I don't have regrets losing someone since this happened many times in my life my heart get numb.

What i want now is to spend time with my family though i felt guilty and felt pity but there's always time for everything, since i never went home for years, When i left i experienced a lot of troubles and my health became detrimental this is all because of willingness to become financially freedom and financially independent, i want to replenish i want to regain my strength and motivated and i want to condition myself i felt depress before so i wanna make sure that i could use my wings again to fly before i decided to find job again and fight for my future.

#mylifestories

#gettingnumb

[julykings-blog]

hi guys, it's been awhile since i posted my latest blog, today guys I'm gonna share my story on the beginning of my year here in January 2024 so without further do let's begin.

January 8 2024, while I'm on my vacations since i said that i stop from working as call center agent i did AWOL(absent without leave) i explained that in my previous blog, My plan was conditioning myself atleast felt to be alive before working again in a stressful environment in BPO industry so i decided to go in different cities here in Philippines, First i went to Baguio City with my bestfriend named Dennis, that trip went fine and successful we really enjoyed that trip though it's really tiring since we walked the whole day to just covered all the best spots in BaguioCity,

Here's the main part as you can see the photo I'm wearing an old nike shoe, That shoe was just gave to me after the incident, in January 8 2024 i really love to go to beach if i could i will always go to beach every once a week, but since i really want to go that much i invited some friends to go out with me at the beach atleast to relax but they are all busy on thier own leisure times, so i decided to go by myself, at first I'm really excited and my trip to beach went well, until after i ate dinner i went to 711 to buy drinks and liquor to atleast relax at the same sitting at the sand and watching stars while drinking and made a bonfire,

When I'm at the beach thinking about life while watching the stars i was filming some scene of the current moment to capture it, I planned to wait until the sun arise to capture the beautiful scenery and swim as well and get hit by sunlight since i knew sunlight could make you stronger on early morning as well exercising since I haven't exercise for about a month now but my plan won't goes well as i expected,

While watching the stars at the very unusual moment i started to prayed to God and inform him all of my burden and sorrows since my life was not that good in this past years i prayed to god and said "please help me I've been gone a lot or troubles this year i got sick and lose my job and at my age i suppose to have a family and stable income but here i am I'm still broke and alone,

then i close my eyes and until i realize i was asleep, i felt cold but at the same time i really wanted to chase my sleep until I can't resist to wake up since it's really cold I'm about to check my shoe to wear it to atleast lessen the cold but suddenly my nike shoe was gone, then i realize I'm not suppose to sleep in this kind of place and situation i started to felt strange and afraid, i quickly check my bag, aside from may bag i have a little sling bag it was an OXGN brand black sling bag which contains worth 40,000 pesos including all my government ID's picture and keys in my dorm, alcohol, upon blindly searching it with my hand i can't feel the sling bag i use flash light of my phone but it was gone my hands was started to shake my heart beat too fast, i said to myself oh my god i was robbed but who and when? I've check my phone and i realize i was asleep for about 2hours which enough time for a thief to stole my things, i was shock and quickly confronted the nearest tent and talk to those people but unfortunately they haven't seen anything aside for the two guys or father and son roaming around.

they advise to go to the nearest police station upon arrival i told to the police what happened then they help me to stroll around the area to investigate if incase we could recover my things including my nike shoe but they are all gone and we never recover them,

I was devastated and lose hope and went back to the police station along with those police guys and luckily they are very approachable and entertaining they gave me food shoe which on this photo to atleast have a shoe to go back home and most important money atleast for me to which i could spend for my transportation to return home since i lost everything, fortunately they haven't got my phone which i hide it at the back of my pants luckily they haven't stole it from me.

what i said since there's no option to recover those important things and money which i save and strive to earn it for about a year but they are all gone for an instance, I hope that those thief could use the money in a good way and was able to help thier family or themselves to atleast change thier mind to find a better and noble job instead of just stealing things they didn't exert any effort to earn it,

#thief

#thiefarethosepeoplewhochoosetostealrathertoanhardworktoearnmoney

#worstexperienceever

#worstvacationever

#goodtimeaturnsbadtime

#subicbaybeachphilippines

"be aware when you're travelling secure your important things atleast get a secured hotel room while having a good time or when you are travelling to an unknown places specially isolated places, you'll never know that crime will happen in an instance and you might regret it for the rest of your life"