Growing up in the hill and river country of central texas as a kid, I grew up without running water and electricity in the house for the majority of the first five years of my life. We lived in a two story wooden hut that was being built by my father as we had the funds. I was five when the second story finally got a roof. Before then, when it was a clear night and no rains coming, me and my brother and sister would go sleep on the king size mattress up on the top floor while my parents slept on the first floor under the "roof". Those nights were the highlight of my childhood as my siblings and I would watch the raccoons and opossums running along the one-day roof support beams to the tree highways they traveled at night. It was our own little, live wildlife channel.
When one had to use the facilities, one took the shovel with the tp roll on the handle with them to find a secluded spot for some privacy. If it was nighttime, there was a flashlight by the door. I was too young and scared of the dark as a kid to ever leave the hut at night no matter how badly I needed to go. I was properly terrified of the dark thanks to my older brother thinking 'Gremlins' was appropriate for a three year old to watch... Beyond whatever imaginary nightmares my brain could be counted on to supply, there were also wild dogs, coyotes, venomous snakes, scorpions, spiders, cougars....ah, all the terrors of home.... so I mean, it wasn't just i was scared of what my imagination could come up with, and dear gods - it was vivid, but there were real actual physical dangers to be taken seriously, too. There was also poison ivy, poison oak, and stinging nettles. I was taught to always check one's surroundings for predators and irritants before dropping trou(sers) to do one's business. Like, early teaching lessons.
It has been many, many decades since I escaped that hellhole and poverty lifestyle. I firmly do not camp nor glamp, and my idea of "roughing it" is a motel without a continental breakfast. I found i quite like the ever present nuisance of running water and electricity, and it will take the real threat of death to get me to go back to anything resembling that lifestyle i grew up in. Bravo to those who do it though. It's not for everyone. Certainly not me.
So picture it -central Florida ten years ago, I wake up in the middle of the night with a full bladder and head to the bathroom. I don't even turn on the lights before lifting the lid, sitting down, and releasing the stream in a sigh of relief. You know the feeling. Only to immediately feel something big, cold, and wet smack against my bits with quite a bit of force, before whatever it was went back into the bowl's depths. And no, it was not pleasant or fun like you monsterfuckers are imagining. It was terrifying. I jumped up, grabbed my britches around my feet, screaming for all that I was worth - just like my irish ancestors beansidghs of old. I did them proud with my wails that night, I tell you what. I rushed to turn on the light, now having had every single childhood fear come true in the worst fucking way possible, despite years of therapy to finally be able to pee in the dark, only to come face to face with the biggest, greenest, most absolutely ginormous tree frog in my toilet staring up at me from the bowl with a "wtf!?" vibe. ....yeah. I learned tree frogs are like rats and when it rains heavily, like it had been that night, they came come up through the pipes into your toilet. If you weren't already aware of that fact, you're welcome for that nightmare, er, knowledge.
For me it's been over ten years and I still religiously turn on the light before lifting the lid and looking in the bowl no matter how urgently I need to go. I will never again forget the lessons I learned as a young child to always look down and check your surroundings before you go to the bathroom. You really don't want something getting at your bits when you've got your pants down and are vulnerable. Take it from me, it ain't anything one wishes to experience again. I don't care that the likelihood of another critter coming up the house pipes just as I need to pee is low. It's obviously not a zero percent chance occurrence.
