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how to love you⋆˚࿔

pairings: jo x fem!reader

wc: 6k

warnings: major character death, angst, hurt no comfort, brief dark humour, mentions of cancer, bullying, neglectful parents, hospital setting, slow realisation of love

desc: your best friend, jo is diagnosed with cancer. you claim that all your visits and nurture are under goodwill as a friend but is it really?

a/n: wrote this for my sweet girl mimi @ikigaijo \\(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)// hope you enjoyed it^^

the sunlight filtering through the blinds filled the room in a soft warm glow despite the sterilised atmosphere. you could spot some tenants and their family frolicking around the attached garden, their steps leisurely and faces sporting cheery smiles. the wind wasn’t too strong nor absent, making the day outside these walls feel like a sunny summer dream. and yet, you couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped you as you peeled an orange and set its peels onto the hospital bed.

it feels weird like this. one moment, you and jo were always spending time together under the big tree near your houses, its leaves providing sufficient shade as you journaled and he drew whatever crossed his mind at the time. the next moment, jo was diagnosed with cancer and taken out of school for treatment. which sucks entirely when you were both each other’s only best friend.

you plopped a piece into your mouth before offering another to jo, tapping it against his cracked lips and scaring him in the process. these days, all jo did was either stare off into space or slept. even if he barely talked whenever you hung out before, it wasn’t this severe to the point that it felt really awkward for you to just be sitting there in complete silence. it was like a part of him completely left when the diagnosis came in. jo meekly took your offering while you stared at the side of his face as he took tiny bites out of the already tiny piece of orange.

he barely had an appetite too these days. ever since he started chemotherapy treatments, all he ever consumed was some gulps of water and whatever fruit you brought in with you that day. today were oranges, as they were gonna go bad soon in your fridge.

or maybe he did eat; at times where you still went to school even when your best friend of forever had an incurable illness, or when you were at home, time passing by slowly before your visit the next day. jo didn’t look thinner than usual so you guessed that maybe he ate the food prepared by the hospital staff. although, it does still worry you whenever you think back on the day you first visited him and brought his beloved rice only to be turned down by him. jo never turns down rice. whoever this person wearing jo’s face is, is just a shell of who he used to be.

anyways, you continued on peeling the orange in your hand; carefully separating the membranes without orange juice spraying into your eyes and blinding you as well as cleaning off some pieces with many white, tiny veins. jo is finally looking in your direction, his eyes reverting from his usual corner of the wall to your internal struggle in the chair next to his bed. his gaze was comfortable for the most part, something familiar swirling behind his eyes that made your stomach hum low and steady. but you could sense the second guessing, the anxiety and inner turmoil radiating off of him in huge waves of doubt.

with a sigh that was actually directed at him this time, you lowered the guardrail on the hospital bed before climbing up and settling next to jo. he gave out a squeak in surprise as you rested your head on his shoulder though he still scooted over to give you more space to sit down comfortably. you forced more orange pieces between his lips, staring him down until he helplessly took it into his mouth and chewed carefully. it went on until two of the oranges you brought were gone, a satisfied hum reverberating from your throat as you wiped the excess juices onto your pants.

jo still hadn’t said anything ever since you came in and you weren’t really in a rush to talk too anyways, preferring to just be there and offer some sort of comfort and anchor to the boy. gently, you took the hand that was nearest into yours and played with his fingers; enunciating how long and slender they were, comparing palm sizes and just tugging on them with cracking them as an excuse. it was stupid and pointless but the quiet giggle that jo gave you, his eyes soft and finally, finally looking like the jo you know all too well, made it worth it.

after a brief silence, jo finally opened his mouth and asked you a question. “y/n, aren’t you bored coming here everyday? even my parents don’t-” he swallowed thickly before continuing. “even they don’t visit me as much as you do.” at his words, you could feel your chest start to hurt and throb, as if something was wrecking through your heart like a maniac, the pieces stabbing at your lungs and veins. he wasn’t wrong per se.

technically, you were bored out of your mind whenever you went to visit jo at the hospital. the routine was repetitive and dull; coming into his room with a simple hi, sitting down on the complementary lounge chair provided in his tiny en suite, peeling or cutting fruits then forcefully feeding them to jo. all the while he stayed quiet, not even a tiny squeak escaped him. it definitely drove you nuts since even if you guys were quietly hanging out before, jo’s tiny comments and opinions about the day you shared stuck at the hip was soothing and made you smile. it felt nice to know that even when everyone at school avoided you two, there was still this connection that made it just a tad bit better.

you shrugged at his words. “if i don’t come here, where else would i go?” you confessed to him. it wasn’t entirely wrong since you guys did only hang out with each other everyday after school ended anyways. in a way, you were just continuing the routine you both built since primary school. jo turned to look at you carefully, silently judging your expressions but he should know by now how much you hated lying. not finding what he was looking for, jo presumed his stare on the wall instead making you sigh. intertwining both your fingers together, you brought them towards your lips to place a small kiss on his knuckles.

“besides, you aren’t leaving me anytime soon. i mean, you still have your hair right,” you joked and playfully grabbed at his hair, making him wince at your fingers locked onto his locks. jo started to softly chuckle but stopped when he noticed a few chunks of hair still tugged on your fingers when you retrieved them, sending the room into another awkward and panicked state. your cheeks flushed crimson from the consequences of your actions as you sat up a bit more straighter and quickly combed jo’s hair so that the slight bald spot wasn’t showing.

embarrassed, you went down from the bed to discard the strands of hairs in the trash can and hurriedly packed your things, your heart rabbitting inside your ribcage. jo stayed exactly where he was though a serene look crossed his face, something akin to acceptance to his tragic fate. but you couldn’t accept it. not now, not ever.

“y/n,” jo uttered, making you stop in your tracks while your hand was already on the handle of the sliding door. you couldn’t bear to look at him right now, the slow realisation that he was sick, that he wasn’t going back to being the normal jo you know anymore, pierced something painful into your heart. although you’re not quite sure what this feeling deep in your chest is, something tells you that it may be the bane of your existence.

“about what i said before, have you considered it yet,” he asked. your grip on the door handle tightened significantly as a frown etched onto your face. thankfully, you were still facing away from jo so he didn’t have the disgrace to see the face you were making. unsure on how to answer him, you cocked your face to slightly look at him, forcing a smile onto your features.

“i’m still thinking on it.”

back home, you immediately shut the door shut and leaned your back against it. oxygen was scarce as you kept panting, trying to stabilise your breathing after literally running back home. with your back sliding down the door, you brought your knees upwards as you sat on the floor. the front foyer was littered with scattered pairs of shoes though right now, they acted like your own personal companions. it was quiet in the house which wasn’t strange of course since it feels as if only you stayed there.

the unshed tears from before finally rushed down your cheeks, that same gnawing feeling like guilt trying to claw its way out your throat and spill onto the messy entryway. the pain felt like caressing a healing bruise; tender but painful, something you knew needed time and care for it to disappear, however your fingers kept pressing on it childishly. not to mention the stupid headache you were sporting. it’s as if your own body is rejecting the idea itself that asakura jo is dying right in front of you, little by little. you inhaled deeply through your nose, then let out a huge breath through your mouth afterwards, staring into the darkness of the hallway, jo’s previous words rewinding in your head like air circulating through a room.

…

growing up, your parents were way too busy to present at home and ask about your day, prepare home cooked meals or even spend time with you. gradually, you learned to be independent by yourself and navigate through the chores like someone who worked there rather than a child who lived there. if that was how you could hear any sort of praise coming from your parents whenever they were around, then you were willing to do anything at all. maybe it was due to that situation that you could barely feel or intercept your feelings as love when you weren’t sure if it was actually love or a sense of obligation for being of the same blood.

one day, you decided you wanted a change of scenery and went to the park near your house to do a bit of journaling; something you picked up as a hobby to express your feelings after downing them so much. a hostess from the nightly programme you’ve been hooked on had mentioned that girls of this age loved to keep journals where they would record everything that happened in their daily life and display their feelings maturely. partly the reason that made you really into journaling as well was that in comparison to a diary, a journal could also be used to save any receipts, drawings or even stickers in a more aesthetically and creative way besides just writing. your eyes instantly sparkled at the thought of decorating a page dedicated to your day that the next day, you went to the stationary store and spent most of your saved allowance buying anything related to journaling.

from where you were walking, you could see a big tree towards the edge of the park. it look secluded enough; away from the other children and their relentless bullying or from nosy strangers that demanded you to tell them about your situation at home. you headed straight to the tree, disposing all your journal materials from your bag and onto the ground before settling yourself down as well. scooting forward to reach for the leatherback book that was further from reach, you barely notice the presence of someone else right next to you.

a shrill scream filled the air as you were scared out of your bones by the boy sitting next to you, getting up and behind the tree in an attempt to escape. however, you did peaked your head out a bit to observe the intruder of your peaceful journaling session. staring back at you were big, wide black eyes, glowing slightly iridescent from the afternoon sun hitting them.

the boy looked about your age, though slightly scrawny from how thin he was. in his hands sat a sketchbook filled to brim with drawings and doodles. from what you could see, it contained sketches of flowers, insects and the occasional portrait tucked between them. his face was neutrally stoic but you could definitely see the flicker of surprise painting his face. despite your loud exclamation, he still sat there quietly, like a ghost haunting this very tree. instead, he blinked curiously at you as if it was the first time he was experiencing a human.

weird, you silently thought. after a few seconds of intense staring, you finally deemed the boy harmless and went back to your spot right next to him. at this point, he couldn’t really hide his emotions, genuine shock on his face. you ignored it and extended your hand out to the boy; an offer of alliance, and maybe even friendship. all the kids at your school were either actively avoiding or making fun of you so regretfully, you had no experience with making friends. but, this was definitely how they made friends in the shows you watched during dinner. right?

the boy just looked at your hand then back at you, an obvious question mark hanging above his head. you averted your eyes and cleared your throat, making sure you wouldn’t be stuttering when asking something this important to someone. “uhm… would you… liketobefriends?”

the response you got was sort of disappointing. nothing at all similar to the reactions on tv where the other would be screaming in joy and smiling widely. in contrast to that, the boy just widened his eyes while his mouth hung open in astonishment. you were getting quite annoyed at this point because was he not interested in being friends with you? “is that a no,” you questioned, a slight sniffle in your noise from how cold it was outside, regretting past you for not bringing a jacket along.

he probably mistook you for almost crying when he didn’t respond because he quickly took a hold of your hands and nodded his head like crazy. satisfied, you let go both of your hands and busied yourself with your journal as the boy continued to stare at you, probably confused on what just happened. though after a while, he proceeded to pick up his discarded pencil and began to sketch one more. it was quiet for a bit before you decided to break the ice.

“i’m y/n. nice to meet you,” you bowed your head at him and made him drop his stuff once more, waving his hands to signal you to stop. you raised your head to look at him curiously, noting that his ears were a bright red colour as you waited for him to introduce himself.

noticing your gaze on him, his face flushed another shade of red as he offered you his name. “m-my name is jo,” he quietly mumbled but that didn’t disturb you at all, rather it was hard to hide your glee from finally making a new friend. you started to blabber about anything and everything while your hands worked in making today’s journal layout with one you saw on a blog as inspiration. jo was a great listener, adding his own little comments and life details.

it felt exciting and fun to finally be able to talk to someone for once that you didn’t realise how dark it had gotten. jo must have realised as well since he started packing his things up though a bit slowly. you looked down to your journal and felt proud with your work despite actively talking (read: yapping) with a new friend today. you even felt that it wouldn’t be so bad for you to do this everyday. as if an idea struck, you excitedly jumped up from your spot on the ground and successfully startled poor jo. “this was fun! why don’t we do this everyday?” your eyes were sparkling as you asked him. almost a second later you deflated. “y-you do enjoy spending time with me right?”

jo quickly stood up as well as if the ground was an open fire and only you were what could tame it. “i do!” he shouted. it was the first time he ever raised his voice since forever but he was desperate for someone that finally listened to him talk to stay. under that big tree with the leaves and flowers hanging above as your witnesses, you both made a promise to stay friends forever, no matter what it takes

…

and so, that promise still stands even after the both of you entered high school. thankfully, you were lucky enough to pass the entrance exams to be with jo though all that studying did fry your brain a bit. it was a no brainer that jo could easily enter since his grades were splendid while you were just passing. so, jo took the initiative to help you study and understand the concepts well enough for your report card to have steady A’s and B’s which he was proud of you for.

high school was hard when everyone treated you like an outcast but you didn’t mind their opinions at all since you had jo by your side. although, you were sad that you were in a different class than him, it was meaningless when you still stuck to him outside of classes; at lunch, walking home to and from school or hanging out after classes ended.

it was difficult, with jo having multiple admirers that were desperate for his attention and would do anything to separate the two of you. besides locking you in the bathroom and carving insults on your desk, they even went as far as to spread rumours about you being a worthless orphan that no one wanted. you snorted at that one, nursing a carton of strawberry milk while your eyes flicked to the guy sitting beside you. in no way whatsoever would you imagine that that scrawny quiet kid would grow more into his features and develop into someone of this calibre.

jo’s previously chubby cheeks had finally lost its baby fat and became more chiselled, giving sharpness to his features. he had somehow grown into his lanky limbs, standing at about 6ft or maybe more which had frustrated you a bit because now you were shorter than him. before this, you would pat his head affectionately just to see him fluster beneath you. now that the tables have turned, he would sometimes return your actions by petting you and laugh at your outburst. not to mention, jo had also joined the basketball club thanks to his height and was efficiently good at it too. whenever he had a match, you could be seen near the front whilst cheering for him, ignoring the fact that several girls were throwing their trash at your back and snickering.

of course, you told no one about the bullying, not even to jo. the only one who knew was your journal and jo was respectful enough to not snoop through your privacy. the bullying relentlessly continued but you barely paid it any mind since you were mostly numb to it at this point; scorned by so-called worried neighbours and adults who thinks they had a say about your home life but were not bothered enough to help. then one day, you were packing up after your final class when you noticed that your journal had gone missing.

a cold sense of dread washed over you, making your knees buckle. you scrambled through your desk, drawer and even locker but you still couldn’t find your journal. then you heard it, a mocking laugh that you know all too well coming from right behind you. it was kiki, a girl from your class who self-proclaimed herself as the captain of jo’s fan club.

you turned around to see her by the classroom door, waving something familiar in her hand. it was your journal; the faded leatherback and stickers that scattered on both the front and back of it apparent between her fingers. kiki had a wicked grin on her face, as though she was just playing a prank and not been the main instigator in your bullying. you lunged towards her, a desperate glint in your eyes as she just sidestepped away from you, her laughter still ringing in your ears like metal scraping against each other.

“aw, did the baby miss her little journal right here? i took a little peak inside and oh my god! you are a little weirdo as they say,” she leaned against the doorframe while flipping through the journal, snickering after a few pages. kiki held the journal above her head as if challenging you to take it away from her. after the first failure, you were smart enough to know what she was trying to do; provoking you until you snapped and tried to rip out from her paws then she could exclaim that you were deranged and was trying to hurt her for just returning your things. you stayed calm, breathing through your nose as you glared at her.

sensing that it wasn’t going her way, kiki stopped pretending and finally showed her true colours. “what? too scared to say anything bitch? god, you’re just thirsting over him like the rest of us are. just like a bitch in heat,” she snarled. you could feel anger boiling through your veins, your arteries clogged with suppressed rage inside you. it was one thing to spread rumours behind your back but humiliating you right to your face? oh you were so livid.

in a flash, you crashed her into the wall next to her, growling to give back your journal. kiki gasped in surprise, the shock of being pushed finally registering to her. there was a struggle afterwards but somehow, kiki had managed to get loose and instantly ran to the windowsill. she extended her hand with your journal out from the windows, a crazed look on her face. “since you wanna act like a dog so much right? catch,” on the word catch, she chucked your journal out the windows. you shrieked in panic as you rushed to the windowsill as well, watching as your precious journal landing squarely onto a puddle in the middle of the field.

sinking to your knees, you barely registered kiki laughing at your pained expression as she left the classroom, sliding the door shut with a loud bang. her laughter echoed through the halls but never really reached your ears. you’re not quite sure how long you sat there dazed but suddenly a hand gripped your shoulder softly, breaking you out of your trance. glancing back, you saw jo kneeling beside you, his face a mixture of uncertainty and fear. “y/n, are you okay? i waited at the gates for you but you never showed up,” he relays.

at his words, your whole persona crumbled, turning around to hug him suddenly by the shoulders and crying your heart out. jo was surprised but instantly caught you, his hands circling around your waist like they always belonged there. you tell him about everything; about the bullying, the threats on your desk, your uniform disappearing during changing time and finally the breaking point that happened just a few moments before. he held you through all of it, occasionally rubbing your back in a way to comfort you.

when he realised that your sobs had quieted down, he finally spoke up and look into your eyes. “i never knew you were hiding something this big from me. i’m sorry for not being there for you emotionally,” he caressed your cheek softly, as if you were something to be cherished and not intended to be hurt like this. his gentle gesture made you cry even more; making jo panic thinking he said something wrong but after seeing you chuckling wetly at his reaction, he finally calmed down.

jo released his hold on your waist to instead cradle your face in palms, a look you’ve never seen before twinkling behind his eyes. “i know this isn’t the right place to tell but,” he stopped to lower his head down but then bravely raising it again. this time, the look spread through his entire face before he continued speaking in a steady voice. “let me protect you, please? i’ll make sure nobody ever insults or hurts you like this ever again,” he pleaded, his voice cracking but still pushing the words out.

your head was spinning from his words. what exactly did jo mean? it felt silly thinking it over again because it sounded like he was confessing to someone; what with his ears and face burning red, a telltale sign he was flustered. but another thing you were still curious about was why he was willing to do all this for you. even your parents barely acknowledged you so what was so special about you to him?

“why me?” you croaked, your voice raw from crying.

jo could only smile sadly at your question. “because i loved you, ever since we were kids,” he answered honestly. that instantly threw you into a loop. your hands pushed back away from him, the distance enough for you to stare into his face and analyse it; for any lies, dishonesty and such. but jo only ever looked at you the same, a sad smile on his face with his eyes softening. a look of love, you recounted in your head, having only read about it and never being on the receiving end before.

however, you couldn’t really grasp it as your reality because was this actually love or an obligation? something like a sense of duty to protect your beloved childhood friend from others and not wanting them to hurt. was that really how jo saw you? you shook your head at the accusation, not wanting to taint his image anymore.

“jo…” you started before being cut off.

“don’t worry y/n, i know.”

“but-“

“you don’t have to reply straight away but i just need to make sure you’re safe, okay?”

you just nodded your head dumbly at that, not knowing if this is really true and wondering what this warm feeling in your chest is.

…

a few weeks had passed after jo confessed before he finally told his second and final secret. jo had been diagnosed with cancer a month ago, and that this past month he was attending classes simply to finish paperwork needed for him to withdraw from school. his parents, equally neglectful all this time, was fussing about him for the first time and admitting him into the hospital full time. which means no school, basketball or your routine since 2nd grade.

when he finished, you could feel your heart aching for the boy in front of you. what kind of person would want to hear that their best friend (?) had recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness that still had no cure? although you fought to hold back your tears, it seems jo is still the only person who understands you the most; opening his arms for you to embrace and hug him.

you’re not sure why you’re crying. it should be jo who is saddened by this news and yet, he still held a small smile just for you. life is so unfair, you thought as you sobbed into his chest and held onto his shirt even tighter. this feeling of despair was clenching against your ribs, desperate to tug jo into them and hide him, so that the world could never hurt him ever again. was this what jo felt like at that time?

…

it was a thursday afternoon when jo called you as you were on your way to the hospital after stopping by a convenience store to buy bananas for him. shuffling around the bags in your hand to free up your right hand, you answered the call and instinctively put the phone to your ear. for a minute, there was nothing but silence which confused you to the point you had to look at the id again to confirm it was jo who was calling you and not a scammer. “hello? jo? is there something wrong?”

the line was quiet again until jo finally spoke into the receiver. “y/n, i-“ the sound of him gulping was audible even from the call. you could imagine his face at the moment; face a little flushed with his eyebrows worried in the middle. you hummed a noncommittal sound, signaling for him to continue. he finally did after a few seconds of stalling. “it’s gone. i’m cancer free.”

the plastic containing the bananas fell onto the street as your whole body freezed up. jo was… cancer free? “hello? y/n are you still there?”

“fuck jo, you can’t just tell me something like that on the phone. at least wait for me to come,” you mumbled out, a grateful smile gracing your lips. this joy like glee spreading through your chest in warm pulses. people were starting to stare at you; a person just squatting down in the middle of the streets, a bashful grin on their face with a banana-shaped plastic bag by their feet. it sounded ridiculous even in your head but you were just so happy. you quickly stood up and spoke back into the phone, “wait for me, jo.”

the usual walk to the hospital turned into a jog as you were ecstatic to see jo, now confirmed to be healthy and free from the clutches of cancer. as you went up the elevator, you subconsciously fixed your hair in the reflection of the elevator doors. when it finally announced jo’s floor, you practically skipped over to his room which was located towards the middle of the ward. pushing open the door you’ve been entering for the past few months, you were quite surprised to see two new visitors in the room.

of course, his parents would have been contacted about this good news first though your impression on them still hasn’t changed from the past years together with jo. just because they’ve currently changed, does not excuse their actions before. if they were willing to change now, then they were always capable of change. however, you still had to respect them because without their negligence, you wouldn’t be here and be able to see jo strongly braving through every treatment all this time.

as if on cue, his parents excused themselves to give you guys privacy. you rushed to jo’s side in record time and making his eyes widen in surprise. “today’s fruit is bananas,” you said while holding up the bag in your hand and eliciting a laugh from him. this was the first time in months that jo had finally shown his smile that made all his admirers swoon; eyes crinkled into crescent moons and all his teeth present in his wide grin. that same warm feeling from before wrapped you in its embrace after seeing jo so happy.

the both of you talked more than you usually did whenever you visited. he mentioned that he couldn’t straight away be discharged as the doctors still wanted to test and make sure that the cancer was really gone. his actual discharge date would be a week from now which you instantly marked on your calendar app. finally, jo was safe and healthy to come back to school, to hang out underneath that tree, to return back to your side.

…

exactly a week after jo was declared cancer-free, you were currently running late to bring him home. it wasn’t really your fault, okay? you just wanted him to be even happier on this splendid day and so, you decided to switch it up a bit and bought him a bouquet instead of the usual selection of fruits. the arrangement was whatever you found were pretty there; pink carnations surrounded by stalks of white tuberoses and wrapped in a soft lilac coloured wrapper. the florist finished it by tying a white translucent bow around it, making it even more perfect.

as you entered through the hospital halls for the last time, you had an itch at the back of your head that was ugly and filled with misery. what ifs that could never be true but did make you worry; what if it was all a fluke and jo still had cancer? what if jo’s body was too tired to handle the chemotherapy sessions and shut down? what if at this very moment, jo was leaving this world forever?

the thought itself disturbed you so much that your steps fastened abruptly as you reached the elevator doors and instinctively pressed the button to jo’s floor. an old lady riding along noticed the flowers and asked about it sweetly. with a smile, you tell her that you were here to greet and bring back your friend home, and that this was something to congratulate them for beating it through appointments. the old lady just smiled at your chattering before commenting “ah, young love,” as she had to step out to her floor with a wave.

you couldn’t really correct her on that since she had went away but you slowly realised that you actually didn’t mind. these past months with jo felt more than what a friend should feel towards someone and quite frankly, you weren’t drowning in anxiety at the thought. walking through the ward with a huge smile on your face, you couldn’t help but notice a group of healthcare workers swarming a room. as you get closer, you could feel your heart drop onto the ground and shatter into a million pieces as you recognised it to be his room. jo’s room to be exact.

the ringing in your ears increasingly grew louder with every rushed step to his room. pushing through the crowd of workers, you could see jo’s entire family there including his older brother that was studying overseas. he was probably back in the country for the same occasion everyone was expecting to happen but was met with this instead. you felt your knees weaken at the sight of him on the bed; deathly paler than normal, his lips turning a slight purple colour but the one you noted the most was his eyes. they looked tired, like he was barely hanging on but was too stubborn to let go. you barely registered the doctors’ words where they explained that his cancer suddenly flared up to the point it was terminally critical.

you stepped forward slowly, your feet shuffling quietly against the cold hospital tiles. as you made your way to the bed, his mom finally took notice of you and dragged you to meet jo, tears streaming down her face like a flowing river. with trembling hands, you gripped onto the bed guardrail tightly and croaked his name. as if he was waiting for you, he turned his gaze towards you, a gentle smile splayed against his sickly features. you choked on your tears at the sight.

quickly but with tender precisions, you held his hands for what might be the last time. “nonono jo please. don’t leave me. didn’t you say you were gonna protect me? were they all just lies like i guessed then?” you pleaded. it sounded deranged, but it was yours and you were sticking to it. jo gave a weak squeeze of your hand before uttering a feeble “i’m sorry.”

the sobs from his surrounding family members were heartbreaking but your wails echoed through the halls for a long time. you were inconsolable, thrashing and screaming at jo to wake up, to smile at you once more, to laugh at your stupid jokes one last time. “i wanted to tell you i loved you too. wanted us to finally be together after all this time,” you sobbed into the crook of his neck, embracing him for the last time.

that day, the hospital lost another patient to cancer. and the patient? a love that arrived too late but was still warm nonetheless.

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