💧∗ˈ‧₊°∗ˈ‧₊°∗ˈ‧₊°∗ˈ‧₊°basically i just had a shitty christmas and after that just started screaming n fighting w my mom and i just want to cry so much, this life is shit i just want sum comforting otp, tag urself im draco
(also this is a muggle!au)
Silver, blue, on then off… The hanging lights were flickering all over, illuminating the dirty streets with artificial illumination, blinding the moonlight and hibernal constellations. It wasn’t snowing anymore, and all of its reminiscent beauty washed away with dirt and stomped away by happy bystander. The air could have been colder, but what made Draco shiver was the contrast between the eerie feeling lingering in the street and the stinging feeling over his cheek. Twisting butterbeer candy in his mouth, its sweet aroma melted along with the bitter taste of blood. It stung a little, but the endearing feeling of alcohol started to take over. Wandering aimlessly, he was focusing his thoughts hard on the christmas song’s lyrics resonating all over the town. Otherwise, the dark thoughts he was trying to shut in would start to yell again.
He inhaled -breath shaky- once again, trying to regain consciousness of his surrounding. He couldn’t just cry in the street like that, he was pathetic yes but ain’t nobody gonna see it. He sighed as a sad grin slightly made its way on his face, finding a place to cry safely was a middle school thing to do but here he was at 20. He let his gaze wander on all the dolled up shop front, displaying all kinds of present ideas. He hadn’t even had time to open half of his presents before running away. They might all have been shitty anyway. Except his mother's… Not to be cheesy, but she was the one who really knew him in that big house, no matter how many people inhabited it.
Since when the family house became so full yet so cold and empty ? Maybe at the blurred line where childhood disappeared …
Draco rubbed his humid noise, he was definitely not going to cry in public, for god sake. Leaving the nice display for romantic couples, he walked off. There was only one place where a forsaken college kid could cry his pitiful life and that was college itself. And if luck was on his side, he had the shittiest family life and everybody else went back home.
Luck showed to not be on his side, Draco discovered with bitter annoyance as he was trying to sneak some snacks from the cafeteria. And it seemed Potter (the worst one Draco could fall into) had the same thoughts. His nemesis since middle school, the one person he personally made sure to say « happy christmas loser» before leaving because he knew christmas was Potter’s least favorite holiday.
Homeboy must have had the whole day to make a sweet stock but no, midnight snacking was better, of course. How original Potter.
“Come on Potter, don’t tell me you don’t hide food in that mess of a room you have”, Draco put his arms around the amount of baked good and drinks he had stocked. “ ‘Cause I wont let you have any of these, you had the whole day, too bad.”
“What are you doing here ? I thought you went back.” Potter raised an eyebrow.
“Well you know, ehe, maybe I’m Santa and haven’t given you your gift yet ?”, he gave him droopy smile, trying to suppress wiggles alcohol induced. “Maybe, you’re Santa.
“That would be insulting my alcohol tolerance considering I only had candy, but I guess a man can get drunk over his spleen. Oh, and like, a few bottle, aha..”
“You’re definitely drunk.”, Potter sighed. “Get some water and go to sleep Malfoy.”
“You’re only going to regret it afterwards, now come on, give it-” Potter got awfully closer, and Draco felt an itching feeling under his skin.
“Let a man drink and get shitfaced Potter, jeez, I don’t remember stopping you having fun at your last scoot boys party.” Draco groaned.
“You’re not having fun, ” Potter sighed and he came so close Draco could feel his breath over.
“Why you caring about that." Draco tried to defy Potter’s deep glare, but booze only confused him into the lulling gaze of green eyes.
As Potter groaned for answer, he grabbed his plate. Draco didn’t put up any resistance as he didn’t trust his body so close to Potter’s. He might accidentally hit his face, and he didn’t feel confident over a 1v1 against Potter right now.
"You don’t smell like alcohol, you smell… good.”, Draco muttered, as his eyes were half shutting over Potter’s collarbones. “What have you been up to Potty, you really don’t know how to party, you only grunt and sigh.”
Draco didn’t know whether it was willingly or without realizing, but he leaned against Potter’s strong frame more than necessary. The sweet feeling of being supported, not having to fight… If only Potter could close his arms around him.
“Malfoy I swear you should go now.”, Potter’s arms tried to shift him, but Draco felt his own arms envelope Potter’s nice smelling neck on their own accord.
“Oh come on, I had a shitty christmas and a shitty evening, let me have that.”, he whined slightly, tugging closer.
He could feel Potter’s breath stopped for an instant, and Draco didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe Potter would kick him for good now, pathetic or no they never indulged in anything soft or warm ; they challenged each other and threw word with deep rooted meaning, but never anything so clear and explicit.
But when Draco went to unlace himself from this awkward situation, he felt Potter’s strong arms not letting him.
“I don’t even know why i’m doing this, you’re heavy. ” Potter complained as he was carrying Draco on his back.
“I’m not, not with those fit arms of yours ”, Draco rumbled against Potter’s nice smelling jumper.
“… I should record you,” Harry muttered, the back of his neck feeling hotter.
“ I’d deny everything, the things you can do with technology these day..”
Draco could feel Potter’s muscles moving slightly over a soft chuckle. He pushed his face further into the nice perfume.
“… Hey take me to your room.”
“W-what ?!”, they nearly fell as Potter lost his balance.
“Calm your tits Potter, jee-”
“Why’d you want to go into my room anyway ??”
Because it might smell as nice as you…, Because it’s your room…, Because, there, it’d just be full of you and nothing would remind me of anything at home…, Because I don’t want to think about home right now…
“Because I know you have a hidden stack of snacks in there…”
Draco couldn’t feel Potter’s gaze on him but his tone conveyed enough to make Draco’s throat clench.
“I won’t steal anything, it’s just… there’s nothing that’ll remind me of home there… Just… I… ”
Draco never finished his phrase and soft silence fell upon them for the rest of the way. He tried to no think too deep about tonight’s evolution, but even cloudy thoughts weren’t enough.
“We’re here”, and as soon as he opened the door, Potter let Draco fall hardly on the floor. Not bothering to listen to his insulting fuss, he went to throw a cushion his way. “There’s a futon over there, the floor is yours.”
“You’re the worst host ever, even dogs are treated better.” Draco pouted.
“And you’re a handful guest and drunk”, Potter said as he let a blanket fall over Draco’s head.
The ground was cold, he could feel it over the futon and the fall had made his heart sad. Draco remembered the comfy over-stuffed bed he left at home and how he should’ve been sleeping there comfily instead of making a fool of himself in front of the only boy that mattered.
“Well if I could have avoided drinking to drown my sorrow trust me i would.”, he sniffed, already sobering up. “I’m so going to throw up all over your carpet.”
All sound of moving and shifting stopped for a while. Then Potter peeked his face under the blanket, facing Draco’s.
“… Next I’m gonna pee and then you’ll have all my body fluids over your carpet.” Draco said with a small voice and he wanted to punch himself. Embarrassed him really had the worst retorts.
“You’re disgusting.” Potter said, but he brought his nice smelling sleeve over Draco’s nose and whipped the dampness. Draco sniffed again.
“You’ll deny it for the record I know.”
For some reason, Potter lingered his touch over Draco’s face, wandering his hands over his cheeks, lightly wiping tears traces. Draco couldn’t see Potter’s face clearly due to the lack of lamps turned on. The room only escaping darkness for dim moonlight and Draco hoped Potter couldn’t see his face clearly either.
“Why did you come back ?”
“Because I’m the family disappointment and I have no weird cousin to dim that off.”
Trying to use depreciative humor didn’t seem to get to Potter, maybe because he couldn’t see Draco’s face laughing it off. He had gotten quite good over the years.
“How could you be the family disappointment. You got the best grade and remarks, you’re basically every rich parents dream kid.”
“Yeah that’s what I thought too, right ?… I thought that I would go back home and be congratulated or something, I mean I did get some of the best rank right ? But what are best rank when your friends are not ‘good company’ huh ? And when your clothes doesn’t reflect your seriousness enough, I mean who would hire me in these right ? Not like I came home to have dinner not an interview. Oh and sit straight will you, I taught you better, don’t embarrass me. We have guests Draco, is that really how you want to represent the Malfoy name ? And-”
Potter’s voice was calm and strangely soothing. Draco hadn’t felt his blood pumping so hard until Potter made his heart stretch.
“The thing is… I do everything right but it’s never right enough. My father keeps talking about me like I’m just a display for the family name. I cant even think of doing other things that my whole life is already being pushed down my throat ! I don’t even know if I really want to do what I do ? Maybe I just convinced myself that’s what I want to do ? What if I understand I’m ruining my life when they’re already old and senile and I can’t make them pay for it huh ? Is it my fault they only fucked once and now they only have one shot for their brand of whatever ? Is it so hard to let me live as just … someone ? Am I not enough just being my own ? ”
Potter´s hand was still on his cheek and as everything fell into silence again, Draco felt overly conscious of their proximity. Heart clenching, he tried to not dwell on the words he just said, looking for some other depreciative humor ; he hadn’t plan to open to Potter. They never did this.
“Did you tell them that ?”
“I-”, Draco let his lips hang open, slightly taken aback by Potter’s empathy and what felt like concern in his tone. “I did but… I feel like they never listen to what I say, I’ve been saying the same things for years. They say they’re scared for my future and just wants what’s best, but the truth is that they just don’t trust me and now I don’t trust myself either when I shouldn’t. ” he bit his mouth over the bitter feeling.
“… I think you’re doing good.”
“What do you know…” Draco sniffed, he could feel uneasiness coming from Potter and honestly he felt already bad enough from spilling his gut here he didn’t want some colored sappy moral or whatever. “If you’re going to tell me some sappy shit-”
“No I mean,” Potter put his hands over Draco’s wrist so that he wouldn’t go away. And even in the darkness, Draco could feel his gaze’s intensity on him. “You look like, you’re… you just seem like you’ve got everything figured it out, like everything’s gonna work out for you in the end and… even if you feel like you want to change when you’re old, you’re the kind of person that’ll find something else and be great at it.”
Draco could feel Potter’s pulse stirring over his touch and he didn’t know what to make of it.
“…You suck at sappy-inspirational speech, let me tell you.”
“I mean… fuck if your parent don’t see it, you’re always doing your best and trying hard and giving it your all and… Whatever you decide to do with it you’re gonna be great at it… Even if you don’t really know what you want to do now, it’s ok, I mean… nobody does… know what they’re doing really. You don’t really need to know right away, you can… just keep doing for now until you know better…”
Although Potter seemed very thoughtful about what he said, Draco couldn’t help the awkward chuckle that escaped his lips.
“Hey, I’m serious you know !”, even over his voice, Draco could hear Potter blush over embarrassment.
“I know this is why it’s weird !” Draco tried to untie his wrist from Potter’s grasp.
“Would you have wanted me to mock you or something !”
“N-no but now I’m confused ! If you’d mocked me I would have punched you and it would have been fine but now I don’t know what to do !”
“Then don’t reject me for once !”
Over their bickering, the blanket felt from over them but Potter didn’t let go of Draco’s wrist.
“I’ll deny it for the record.” he muttered and Draco could see him averting his beautiful eyes.
When Potter’s eyes moved on Draco’s again, they held a burning purpose, and he couldn’t avoid his gaze if he wanted to. Potter’s beautiful eyes had him holding his breath but not wavering, even when he felt Potter’s breath over his lips.
He didn’t wonder who got over the last cm as their lips touched each other very softly, barely even, feeling unreal.
“Can I ?” Potter’s murmur ghosted over Draco’s lips.
On impulse, Draco wrapped his arms over Potter and squeezed very tightly. He had been so close all evening and all his life, and he couldn’t contain his feelings any more second. All the places in contact with Potter felt like they were burning the sensation into his skin, so that he would never forget what he’d been longing for so long. And as the kiss deepened, hands caressing softly through hair and clothes, Draco finally finally felt belonging.
As a ray of pale sun made its way on his face, Draco awoke feeling bundled in an infinite source of warmth and safety. He could barely move but he didn’t want to. Ever.
He might have fallen asleep again a few times before he felt some shifting around him.
The moment he turned around, he came nose bopping with Potter’s ; who opened beautiful green eyes and gave soft and embarrassed smile that Draco returned. He felt on cloud nine and the soft embrace he was in, not disappearing as they woke up, was the best part.
“Happy Christmas,” Potter whispers against his lips.
“It’s happy now…”, Draco kisses him softly and they might just spend the rest of the day that way.
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