A series that follows you-the assistant whoâs spent years surviving Max Verstappenâs impossible demands-and what happens when you quit, forcing the two of you to navigate new applicants and your feelings towards one another.
ongoing!!
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howdy :) i'm darling. sideblog for skz nonsense. blog is rated 18+ in case i start acting up. my bias is felix except when itâs jisung but either way i continue to be disloyal.
blog tags: chan / lee know / changbin / hyunjin / han / felix / seungmin / jeongin
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main blog / pinterest / ao3
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masterlist is below the keep reading.
masterlist
fics are sorted by series alphabetically, then one-shots.
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S E R I E S.
the acquisition (of sugar) series:
the accidental acquisition (of sugar) ; changbin/reader
the anonymous acquisition (of sugar) ; chan/reader
the absolute acquisition (of sugar) ; han/reader
the bodyguard (felix/reader):
chapter i
chapter ii
chapter iii
chapter iv
chapter v
chapter vi
chapter vii
chapter viii
chapter ix
chapter x (finale)
ao3 link.
the bodyguard sequel (chan/reader):
chapter i
chapter ii
chapter iii
chapter iv
chapter v
chapter vi
chapter vii
chapter viii (finale)
ao3 link.
the faerie prince series:
the same but different ; han/reader/felix
-> ao3 link
-> pinterest
the fifteenth heir ; jeongin/reader
part one ; part two ; part three ; part four (finale)
-> ao3 link
-> pinterest
the tyrant prince ; hyunjin/reader
-> a03 link
-> pinterest
the autumn wars ; changbin/reader, seungmin/reader, chan/reader
-> a03 link
-> pinterest
the changeling affair ; lee know/reader
-> ao3 link
-> pinterest
the kingsguard (jisung/reader):
chapter i
chapter ii
chapter iii
chapter iv
chapter v
chapter vi
chapter vii (finale)
ao3 link.
princes (skz ensemble/reader):
(chapter count tba)
sharing a bed series:
bang chan ; friends2lovers ; alt ending
lee know ; friends2lovers ; deleted scene
seo changbin ; friends2lovers
hwang hyunjin ; friends2lovers
han jisung ; enemies2lovers
lee felix ; enemies2lovers
kim seungmin ; enemies2lovers ; sequel
yang jeongin ; enemies2lovers
the threesome series:
saturday mornings ; chan/reader/seungmin
the heist team ; lee know/reader/changbin
the same but different ; han/reader/felix
chill ; hyunjin/reader/jeongin
vexatious vixen (felix/reader)
chapter i
chapter ii (finale)
O NE - S H O T S.
stand alones
verisimilitude ; friends2lovers ; hyunjin/reader
harmony ; poly foursome ; 3racha/reader
everything ; werewolf au ; felix/reader
the kiss ; friends2lovers ; lee know/reader
prompt fills
bang chan : one / two / three
lee know : one / two / two sequel
seo changbin : one
hwang hyunjin :
han jisung :
lee felix : one ; two
kim seungmin : one
yang jeongin : one
Tags: ANGST with a happy ending, amnesia, memory loss, grief, pining, yearning, hurt/comfort
Summary: It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen. You weren't supposed to be in that car, but you were. When you lose your memories from the incident, Chan is ordered to stay away for your recovery's sake; but it takes a larger toll on him than anyone could have imagined. Until one day, he just can't take it anymore.
A/N: inspired by this post. Angst ahoy <3 I had too much fun writing this. Maybe I like writing emotions. Enjoy <3
No contact. Thatâs what Chan was told was best for you. Thatâs what was going to help your healing process.Â
No contact whatsoever. No texts, no calls, no little surprise visits. No fucking contact. None.Â
He was told it would just hurt you if he talked to youâ that he would just make it worse. That you would only become more confused and upset. It would be absolutely detrimental for him to see you.
Hell, it might even make you worse.Â
Itâs killing Chan slowly. Every single day feels like torture for him. The days get exponentially worse. He feels like a hollow shell of his former self, like the wind goes through him when he steps foot outside. It feels like his shoulders are permanently sagged forward.Â
But the worst part is that you donât even know it. You donât know how heâs collapsing inwards like a dying star.Â
It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen in years. A friend was driving you home that night; Chan had begged to be the one to pick you up, but no, you said it was fine, the friend was heading that way anyway. Why make the unnecessary trip?
You told him he needed sleep. Always putting his needs before your own. You always did.Â
He shouldâve put up more of a fuss. He shouldâve put his foot down. He shouldâve already been outside the house in his car with the passenger seat warmer on by the time you left that stupid party.Â
He shouldâve gotten out of the car and opened the door for you and had a cold bottle of water waiting in the cup holder. He shouldâve kissed you on the cheek and asked you all about your time. He should have been there.
But he wasnât.Â
A drunk driver slammed into the passenger side of your friendâs car at a speed that you shouldnât have even survived.
Miracles do happen, though. But what a price to pay for a miracle.Â
For as long as he lives, Chan will never forget the sheer panic and terror he felt when the call came in from your mother. You were already at the hospital undergoing emergency surgery.
He was the last to know.Â
After all, he wasnât your emergency contact. Heâs only your boyfriend.
Was. Was your boyfriend. Was? Is that the right word? He isnât. But he is. There was no breakup.Â
Is that what heâs going through right now? A breakup?Â
Youâre not on a break. But what is this? What is this loss? This severance is so horrible.Â
Itâs fucked up. Itâs a fucked up, amnesia induced breakup.Â
Memory loss is a funny thing. Doctors scratch their heads and shrug their shoulders without any answers. The brain is a tricky thing.Â
Chan did what he was allowed to in that hospital. He sat in that stark white room under those harsh LED lights and he waited until you were awake. He even waited much longer after that because only two visitors were permitted inside your room at a timeâ and he wasnât about to force his way in and kick one of your parents out.Â
He let your sister go in first. He even let your cousin go in before him. But when it was finally his turnâŠÂ
He never got to see you.Â
âThe last five years?â Chan asked with a tight throat. Did he even have any more tears left to cry? How is there any liquid left in his body?
âShe says doesnât remember anything, Chan.â Your motherâs voice was just as hollow as his. âShe was asking about her freshman roommate.â
A doctor stood in between him and your mom. âItâs best if we donât throw everything at her at once. Amnesia victims rarely never get their memories back, but weâve found that it needs to happen organically. Seeing her will overwhelm her and that could stunt the healing process.â
Chanâs mouth opened and closed several times but no words came out at all. His heart may have stopped.Â
Does that mean�
NoâŠ
âHe canât see her at all?â Your mother asked quietly. âNot even to visit? He doesnât have to mention heâs her boyfriend, he can just say that heâs a friend, or a coworker, orââ
The doctor cut her off. âNo contact. Not until weâre a bit through recovery and sheâs starting to get her memories back.â
Chan was suddenly in a chair.Â
When did he sit down? The Doctorâs hands were on his shoulders and he was looking down at him with a sympathetic stare. Â
âItâs not forever, son.â
Chan was only able to nod. His mouth was so dry, the back of his neck felt clammy. His head was spinning.
Books often speak of moments as âEarth-shatteringâ. Of moments so catastrophic that the planet stops spinning on its axis and time stands still.
He gets it now.Â
The doctor spoke a few more words to your mother before walking away. She looked down at Chan sadly.Â
Your mother sat on the chair next to him and wrapped him up in a hug. His world was falling apart around him. You were slipping through his fingers. He couldnât even see you.
Hot tears poured down his face while he sat there with his head in his hands. Why does it feel like heâs losing you? Why is this the only way? Why are these the cards that are being dealt?
Why didnât he pick you up from that fucking party?
âShe loves you, Chan⊠sheâll come to her senses, I promise, I promise.â
Itâs been two months, one week, two days and eight hours since heâs talked to you. That long since heâs known peace. Since heâs known any sort of comfort.Â
Youâre the last thing he thinks about before he closes his eyes at night and the first thing he thinks about in the morning. No matter how many times he wakes up and feels the cold bed next to him, it never dulls the ache in his chest.
Itâs not a healthy mindset, he knows. And itâs not that you were codependent on one another, thatâs not it at all. You were just⊠ripped away from him.Â
Food has no taste. The sky isnât as blue as it used to be. Clouds donât make fun shapes like they did with you by his side. The stars are still in the sky, he thinks, he hasnât had the guts to look at them.Â
God, you love the stars so much. You always talked about how pretty they areâ how absolutely breath-taking you think the universe is. Chan would simply listen, he would always listen. All he ever wanted to do was listen.
How is he supposed to look at anything the same way? How is any day supposed to be normal when half of his life is suddenly missing. Whatâs the point of making music if youâre not there to listen to it?
5:00 PM is the hardest hour to get through. You donât open the door to his apartment when you get off work. You donât tell him about the things that happened during your shift.Â
He canât leave little snacks out on the counter for you to eat when you get home like he used to.Â
Mice would get to it before you did.Â
His lonely apartment is slowly losing your smell. He could spray your perfume, sure, you keep a bottle at his place, but itâs not the same. You somehow made the scent sweeter by letting it linger on your skin.Â
All of your old toiletries are still there where you left them. Your spare toothbrush has been bone dry and untouched since 9:28 AM that morning. Your shampoo bottles are still half full and waiting for you on your shower shelf.
It had rained a few days before your accident. You had started a puzzle on his dining room table that dayâ you told him it was the perfect rainy day activity. It was a picture of different comic book covers. Itâs now collecting dust. Unmoved and unsolved.Â
Just like him.
It was a battle and a half to throw away your leftovers from two nights before your car accident. He felt like he was throwing away your normal life, your tiny domestic traces.Â
He didnât want to cleanse you from his life, but you were washing away. Your ghost was eroding with time.Â
Your spare car keys are still hanging on the key ring. Your rain coat is on the third hook draped right over your work bag. Even your phone charger is still plugged into the wall on your side of the bed.
Did you know you forgot to put your favorite gold earrings on that night? You left them on the nightstand. Theyâre still there, donât worry. Right next to the glass of water you drank half of.Â
Do you even remember themâŠ? He got them for you for your first Christmas together.Â
There are so many signs of a life interrupted integrated so deeply into his.Â
Youâre a clock whose hands stopped suddenly at 1:24 AM.Â
This sort of haunting is unbearable. Youâre not a phantom in his life, though. Youâre something so unattainable that he had once but it was taken away with empty promises of return.Â
Itâs like youâre a shiny diamond hidden away beneath lasers and traps like in those stupid, cheesy spy movies you love so much.Â
Do you know what he would give to watch one of those with you in his arms right now?Â
Chan feels like heâs banging on the glass of a one sided window, screaming for you to remember him. Meanwhile youâre on the other side only staring into a mirror, trying to pick up the pieces from before.Â
Your mom sends him updates on your condition all the time. He knows that you started working at the local library about three weeks ago.Â
You had worked there in college before graduating and getting your last job. It was one of your favorite jobs you ever had. That library was so special to you.Â
To him too.Â
Itâs the library where he first met you.Â
The same library Chan finds himself in front of now.Â
He shouldnât go in. He canât go in. He absolutely should not go inside.Â
Bang Chan you should not and cannot go inside this library. Under no circumstances should you step foot inside this building where your other half is working.Â
Absolutely not.Â
The door emits a soft ding when he opens it. Electronic. Quiet. Peaceful.Â
Thereâs a certain type of silence that sits in a library. Itâs closer, thickerâ warmer. Itâs an expected silence. Theyâre supposed to be quiet.Â
Chan can hear his sneakers take every step on the carpeted floor. Thereâs no one sitting behind the front desk; thatâs where you usually were.Â
His eyes look all around, but thereâs no sign of you anywhere. A few people toddle around the shelves.Â
Thereâs more soft beeping coming from the self checkout. Thatâs new. They didnât have that when you worked here years ago. You probably hate it.Â
On the day he met you, you were wearing a pair of dark green pants and a black long sleeve shirt. Your hair was clipped behind your head and pieces were falling over your face.Â
Chan was only in the library to look for the bathroom. He was on his way to lunch with a friend, but he just had to stop somewhere. The library was the closest option.Â
When he had heard the sound of books falling, he investigated and found you in the center of the carnage, the glasses on your nose sat crookedly and you rubbed your head.Â
Your eyes met. He was a goner.Â
How disgustingly poetic that he finds himself here now. Where he really shouldnât be. He was quite literally prescribed a restraining order against you.Â
Chan meanders around with his hands in his pockets, the silence getting louder and louder the further he gets inside.
Maybe youâre not working today?Â
No one is anywhere to be seen. Heâs checking down all the aisles but he doesnât see you anywhere.Â
Maybe itâs for the best that youâre not here. Heâs not supposed to see you anyway. Heâs breaking the doctorâs rules by doing this anyway.Â
He needs to leave. He needs to get out of here.Â
His feet stop in front of the very aisle where he saw you for the first time.Â
Empty.Â
You-less.Â
If he thinks hard enough, Chan can picture you in front of him, laughing quietly with the most adorable, embarrassed blush on your cheeks.Â
What a moment.Â
Is it possible to spend eternity in that moment? Obviously internal clocks can be rewound, paused, flipped every which way; can he go back to that day? Can he go back to the day where every single poem suddenly made sense?
He would take any day, really, any day that had you in it. Birthdays, holidays, late night dates, Hell, heâd even take a day where he only saw you when you dropped off a drink for him in his studio.Â
Anything, he would take anything just to see your smile bloom on your face while he watches.
âCan I help you find something?â
His breath catches in his throat, it feels like heâs physically punched in the chest. That voice. That beautiful, melodic voice. He hasnât heard it in person in months, only in videos he had on his phone.Â
Slowly, Chan turns to face the source of his favorite pitch.Â
His throat immediately tightens.Â
There you are. You. Beautiful you.Â
Standing right there. Looking at him like a complete fucking stranger.Â
âIâŠâ his voice is hoarse. Chan can feel the tears in his eyes begin to form. He didnât think this through, did he?
Youâre staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything. Youâre waiting, come on, Chan. Speak up. Say something.Â
Looking up at the shelf, you look back down at him with a smile. âA history guy, hm?â
No.
âYeah.â
You giggle. âI always had a thing for History.â
He knows.Â
âReally?â
âMhmm.â You respond with a grin.Â
Specifically Ancient Rome. He knows.Â
You continue. âSpecifically Ancient Rome.â
Chan nods and clears his throat. His palms feel so sweaty. His chest is almost panting. Every single cell in his body just wants to lunge forward and wrap you in a hug.Â
He wants to bury his face in your neck and sob while you hold him. He wants to tell you that he missed you so much. He wants to tell you how your pillow is losing the scent of your shampoo. He wants to tell you that heâs been DVR-ing your favorite show so that you can watch it later. He wants to tell you about his day. He wants to kiss you until youâre breathless. He wants you to hear the new song heâs been working on.
Butâ
âIf you need anything, let me know.â
You start to walk away.
Chan feels his heart physically break. Itâs happening again. Heâs on the other side of that one way mirror. Itâs happening again! No, no please.Â
His eyes widen, the words get caught in his throat. Fuck, Y/N, please!
âW-Wait!â he says quickly.Â
You turn around with a curious look.Â
âThe Odyssey,â he blurts. âWhere uh⊠where can I find it?â
Your eyes light up. âOh, I love The Odyssey.â
He knows. You collect different translations of it.Â
âI collect different translations of that book, here Iâll show you where it is.â
With a little hop in your step you lead him towards all the classics.Â
He watches you like youâre an oasis in the desertâ maybe itâs because you are. Youâre what heâs been crawling towards for two months.Â
You lead him all the way to the shelf where the Odyssey lives. Your nimble fingers reach forward and grab one of the copies.Â
Green nail polish. You still paint your nails green. You picked that habit up a year after he met you.Â
The memories have to be there, Y/N, they have to be. Chan bought you that first bottle of green nail polish as a joke on Saint Patrickâs Day.Â
Y/N, please.Â
âThis translation is my favorite,â you whisper and hand him the book.Â
Chan smiles sadly and takes the book from you, unable to meet your eyes. He knows if he gazes into those gorgeous eyes that heâll lose it. Heâll fall to his knees and cry.Â
âThank you,â he whispers back.Â
You stand there for a moment, he can feel your eyes on his face. He always has been able to tell when you were looking at him, itâs a little, secret superpower.Â
From foot to foot, your weight shifts.Â
You only do that when youâre confused. Why are you confused? Y/N, are you confused?
âIâm sorryâŠâ you start, sounding so unsure. âYou remind me of someoneâŠâ
It feels like a defibrillator was hooked up to his chest. Chanâs eyes widen and he finally looks up at you.Â
Youâre looking at him so carefully. He can see the gears turning in your head. Your tongue pokes out of your lips and wets them.Â
Y/N, please.Â
âI just⊠I canât figure out who. Do I⊠do I know you? I wasââ You stop yourself.Â
Fuck. Fuck! What was he supposed to say? Fuck!Â
Chan wants to scream. He wants to grab you by the shoulders and cry that heâs your soulmate, that heâs the person that knows you better than anyone else in this world.Â
Yes, you do, you do know him. And he knows you. He knows how you take your coffee, what movies make you cry, what color jell-o is your favorite.Â
He knows that you never wear matching socks and you always lift your feet when driving over railroad tracks.Â
He knows that when you were 6 you ran into the corner of a cabinet and thatâs how you got that scar next to your eyebrow.Â
Chan knows that your entire life you wanted to be an author but youâre so scared of failure that you decided not to chase after it.Â
He knows everything.Â
âI just have one of those faces, I guess.â It comes out of his mouth so strained.Â
You stare back at him so carefully. Do you see right through him?
âMaybe,â you say slowly. You donât believe him. He knows that tone. You absolutely do not believe a word heâs saying. âAre you sure?â
Chan swallows, he grips the book in his hand tighter. The lump in his throat almost doesnât go down, more tears prick at his eyes.Â
âI would never forget a face like yours,â he chokes out.Â
Your eyes widen and you blush, looking to the side with a smile. You always were a sucker for cheesy compliments.Â
After thinking for a second, you reach into your pocket and take out a little slip of paper.Â
âHere,â you say after scribbling something down. Holding it out, Chan sees itâs your phone number. He has it memorized. âIf you ever need more books to read⊠or find⊠call me.â
Chan takes the paper with a racing heart. He gives you a smile, his dimples showing. âI think I will,â he whispers to you.Â
Another few moments pass of you just staring at him before you nod and giggle nervously. âWell, I gotta get back to work, so..â
Chan nods and moves to the side. You walk past him.Â
Your perfume curls around him like a blanket and he craves that sweet serenity he finds when he holds you close and breathes you in.Â
Three steps after you pass him, you turn around. âOh, I didnât catch your name.â.
âChan,â he answers softly.Â
âChan,â you repeat. It goes right through him.Â
Your voice. Your sweet, beautiful, melodic voice. Finally, he heard you say his name again.
âIâm Y/N,â you whisper to him with a friendly smile.Â
âNice to meet you, Y/N.â Chan has to physically force the word âmeetâ out of his mouth.Â
âYou too, Chan.â
And with that, you were gone, retreating back into your fortress of papyrus.Â
An even worse idea was texting you the day after to ask how your day is going.Â
And then an absolutely fucking idiotic move was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with him.Â
And the worst part? You said yes.Â
So, now here Chan was, standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom getting ready for what you thought was a first date, but to him was just a dinner date.Â
How is he supposed to do this? Heâs not, thatâs how.Â
Chan fiddles with his bracelet right before his phone rings.Â
His heart drops when he sees the caller ID, your mother.Â
âAh, fuckâŠâ he whispers before grabbing his phone. Of course you were going to tell your mom, you tell your mom everything.Â
âHello?â he asks warily into the phone.Â
âHi, Chan,â she says slowly, she sounds nervous, why does she sound nervous.Â
âHow are you? Is everything okay?â
âItâs Y/NâŠâ Her voice lowers. Chanâs heart drops. âBefore you panic, sheâs okay! Itâs um.. sheâs getting ready right now⊠for a dateâŠâ
Chan isnât moving. Yes, he knows you are. He knows it. But words wonât form in his mouth.Â
âChannie.. Iâm starting to wonder if that doctor isnât right.. I canât stand the thought of her finding someone else when youâre waiting for her⊠I tried to talk her out of it but she just seems so floaty and happy. God, I feel sick to my stomach.â
His jaw clenches. Now or never.Â
âItâs with me,â he blurts.Â
Your mom goes silent. Then a huge sigh comes out of her mouth.Â
âI wish I could say Iâm angry,â a little laugh follows it. âI think Iâm only angry that you didnât say something.â
He tells her everything, down to the way he pretended not to know you.Â
âWell, youâre going to have to tell her eventually.â Your mom sounds unsure, herself.Â
âOr maybe sheâll remember me.â
âWhat if she doesnât?â
Chan sits down on the edge of his bed. His eyes are staring at the wall, unfocused.Â
Sheâs right. What if you donât?Â
âThen, Iâll just ⊠do it all again.â
Silence greets him on the other side of the line. Another tiny laugh comes from your mom. âI always knew you two were perfect together. Just like two magnets, you always come towards one another.â
âIâve never eaten here before,â you say with a chipper smile on your face from across the table.Â
Yes, you have.Â
âReally?â Chan asks, taking a sip of his water.Â
âI pass it all the time and always wondered how the food was.â
He looks back down at the old menu.Â
This restaurant was more than special to him. Itâs where he took you on your first date. Itâs an old fashioned burger joint with the greasiest, most delicious French fries in town.Â
The first time you guys came here, you talked and talked until the place closed. And even after that, you drove around and talked until it was late.Â
âIâve been here a few times, itâs really good. The milkshakes are some of the best Iâve ever had.â Chanâs sweaty hands fiddle with the menu.Â
Heâs more nervous now than on the first date.Â
âWhatâs the best one?â you ask with a smile.Â
A small laugh comes out of his nose. âThe peanut butter one.â
It was your favorite.Â
âYeah but then you canât have any,â you say so nonchalantly, looking down at the menu.Â
His eyebrows knit together. âWhat?â
ââCause of your allergy.â
He stops.Â
You stop.Â
He has a peanut allergy. Chan has a peanut allergy.Â
His lips purse like heâs going to say something but you beat him to the punch.Â
âIâm sorry,â you blurt out. âI⊠I donât know why I thought that.â Your hands grip the menu a little tighter. âMaybe Iâm thinking of someone else?â
Chan shakes his head. âNo, no, itâs okay. I⊠I do have a peanut allergy. Maybe I said something before?â
You stare at him for a long second before looking back down at the menu once more. âYeah⊠um. Maybe.â
He definitely did not say something.Â
Dinner continues on. Chan listens to you talk and pretends heâs never heard your stories before and he tells you ones he knows heâs said before.Â
The entire time, you were beaming at him, just like you used to before the accident. Your face never loses its constant happy glow. Heâs not sure that the muscles in your face know how to frown. Â
Youâre the last two people in the restaurant. The staff doesnât seem to mind. Maybe they recognize you both. Maybe.Â
A lull dips into your conversation. Both of you know you should leave. Neither wants to. Especially the broken man sitting across from you.Â
Chan takes the last sip of his drink. The bill has been paid for about an hour at this point. Youâre looking down at your lap with a pink flush on your cheeks.Â
You bite your lip and look up at Chan carefully.Â
âAre you⊠are you sure I donât know you, Chan?â
He stares at you. Did you know that you always bite your lip like that when youâre confused?Â
âI just⊠I really feel like I know you. Thereâs justâŠâ you pause, trying to find your words. He knows you want to tell him about the accident. He knows you want to say it but you donât want to weird him out.Â
What the fuck is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to tell you?Â
âSomething happened to me a little while ago, my brainâs been⊠fuzzy since then,â you explain shyly. âI know you said you donât know me but I just⊠I canât help feel like thatâs not true.â
Chanâs jaw clenches, his knee bounces anxiously underneath the table. His head turns to the side in his typical nervous tick.Â
Your motherâs words echo in his mind, his tongue suddenly feels like itâs swelling to the size of his mouthâ making him unable to speak. Should he tell you? Is it now or never?
âI donât mean to make it weird, Chan.â
He licks his lips and opens his mouth.Â
Your phone rings.Â
A sigh of relief comes from deep within Chanâs chest.Â
Reluctantly, you pick up the phone and hold it to your ear. âHello? âŠ. No, I didnât knowâŠ. Yeah, of courseâŠ. Sure⊠Yeah, see you tomorrow.â
Just as quickly as you answered the phone, you hang up.Â
âSorry,â you mumble. âSomeone called out of work for tomorrow, they need me to come in.â
âDo you need to get going?â Chan asks, looking down at the time. Itâs well past 10 oâclock.Â
A sad smile crosses your face. âI mean⊠probably.â The time on your watch flashes back at you. He can tell you donât want to go home yet.Â
âCome on, Y/N, Iâll walk you home.â
Chanâs already standing up from the table, picking his jacket up off the back of his chair. You watch his movements and slowly get up, your movements screaming reluctance.Â
Itâs three dates later when the two of you are walking down the street towards your house. Itâs only a few blocks from here, but you both decide to take a tiny detour through the local park.Â
âI have to say Iâm a little excited to meet your friends,â you giggle. âI hope thatâs not weird.â
You already have.Â
âItâs not weird at all. Iâm sure theyâd like you.â Chan nudges your arm with his elbow, his hands staying in his pocket.Â
âChangbin sounds like a blast.â
He was your favorite before.
âThe two of youâŠâ Chan thinks over his words carefully. âThe two of you would definitely cause some mischief.â
And you have.Â
A tiny lull of comfortable silence falls over the conversation.Â
Both of you meander towards the swings. A cold wind blows through the air but neither of you react to it.Â
With a tiny giggle, you sit down on one of the swings and hold onto the chains on the side.Â
You are just so⊠you. Youâre just your authentic self. Amnesia or not, you havenât changed a bit. Itâs so charming.
âI canât remember the last time I went on the swings.â You start to move your body back and forth, not too much but enough to get the tiny thrill the toy brings.Â
Chan walks up and stands next to you, his hand coming out and grabbing at the chain of the swing next to yours.Â
The brightest smile stretches over your face.Â
God, it really doesnât take a lot to make you smile, does it? He guesses that means it doesnât take a lot for him either since he smiles when you do.
He canât help it.
He watches you move back and forth, the cold breeze kicking up a bit more and blowing dead leaves across the sidewalk.Â
âWhatâs wrong, Chan? Allergic to swings?â you tease.Â
He rolls his eyes with a smirk. âNo, I just far more enjoy watching you have fun.â
Your cheeks flush. If he didnât know you, maybe he wouldâve chocked it up to the cold. But he knows the difference between your blush and the elements now.Â
âYouâre a smooth talker, Bang Chan.â
âIt comes easy with you, Y/N L/N.â
Another laugh from you.Â
âShameless flirt.â
He puts his hand on his chest in mock hurt. âOuch! I just speak the truth, thatâs all. Not my fault I like seeing you blush.â
Every word that comes out of his mouth feels so natural. If he really thinks about it, heâs in a weirdly unique situation. Not many couples get to start over, to feel those butterflies again. But here he is, his palms starting to get sweaty as he imagines kissing you.Â
Would you call it a first kiss? Maybe.Â
It has been four dates. It wouldnât be.. inappropriate to kiss you, would it? The two of you kissed on your third date a few years ago.Â
He wants to kiss you so bad.Â
Should he? Shouldnât he? God, why is this so hard?
Chan reaches out and grabs the chain of your swing, pulling it to a very gentle stop.Â
âUh oh, fun police,â you tease and look up at him with a grin.Â
Looking down at you, Chan allows his eyes to look over every detail of your face that he already had memorized. You havenât changed at all except the new scar on the side of your forehead from the accident.Â
Itâs the same eyes, same nose, same chin that he fell in love with so long ago.Â
The same asymmetrical eyes that youâre so self conscious of but he loves. Your hair is wind blown and splayed every which way. It adds a childish charm to your features.Â
Very carefully, Chan moves his free hand down to cup your cheek. His warm palm soothes your ice cold face. He hears your breath catch in your throat at his touch.Â
His thumb swipes over your cheek, fingertips run down the soft lines of your jawline. Eventually his thumb ends up under your chin which he tilts up.Â
Your eyes sparkle. They somehow capture the light of the lamps around the playground. But theyâve always done that.Â
Youâre always so enchanting.
Is this a good idea?Â
Is kissing you the best option?Â
But does he even have the strength to stop himself now?
Almost three months without feeling your lips on his has been torture, and here he is, with you in his hands and thereâs still this nagging feeling that he should stop.Â
One look into your eyes quells that anxiety.Â
Your eyes keep flickering down to his own lips, the shaky breath you let out is hot against his fingers. Everything feels warmer compared to the air outside.Â
He canât take it anymore.Â
Chan leans down and presses his lips to yours. Theyâre warm and slightly chapped.
But, my god, heâs never felt anything this heavenly before. Itâs like his entire body unwinds. Like a fire was lit inside his stomach.Â
He moves his hand to the back of your head and keeps your lips pressed against his. Your head tilts to the side slightly. Itâs just like he remembers.Â
Itâs just the first kiss, he canât let himself get carried away. He canât.Â
He canât let his fingers wind through your hair. He canât melt into your touch on his cheek. He canât let himself drown in your lips.Â
But he is.Â
Heâs letting you consume his very soul in one kiss.Â
How can something feel so healing yet hurt so badly at the same time? Itâs like youâre ripping open a wound and bandaging it at the same time.Â
No matter how hard he tries, he canât bring his lips away from yours. Your hand slides down to caress his jawline with those soft, manicured fingers.Â
Your lips open and close over his like mirror images. The feeling shoots straight down into Chanâs gut. Itâs like the first time for him all over again.Â
Those butterflies are going insane in his stomach. Your scent kicks up in the wind and he canât help but take a large breath through his nose.Â
God, he canât stop himself. It feels too good.Â
His hand moves from the back of your hair to cup your cheek and bring you closer.Â
He immediately stops.Â
Why is your face wet?
Chan pulls away from the kiss and looks down at you with concern written all over his expression.Â
Youâre crying. Why ⊠why are you crying?
Your eyes open and you look at him confused.Â
âChan?â you whisper. Youâre confused too. What?
âWhy are you crying, Y/N?â he asks with a thick voice.
Your eyes widen and your own hand comes up to swipe at your cheeks. Sure enough, youâre met with tears.Â
âI⊠I donât know,â you say so quietly. âI-Iâm not sure.â
Chan starts backing away, your eyes snap to focus on his. Your hand shoots up to grab at his to keep him there. Youâre still so confused.Â
Emotions are flying through your eyes. It almost looks like someone is clicking a light switch on and off in the back of your mind. A lightbulb is flickering in your soul like a dying neon sign in an old shop window.Â
Every muscle in your face is twitching.
Whatâs happening?
âChannieââ your own voice cuts off by a sob.Â
Chanâs heart jumpstarts. You havenât called him that⊠not in two months⊠thatâs what you and your mother called him before the accident.Â
Are youâŠ? Are you remembering? Whatâs happening?
Please.Â
Slowly, your hand falls from his.Â
Chan stays there, unmoving like a statue. Whatâs happening inside your mind right now? It looks like youâre reaching and reaching for something that you canât quite put your finger on.Â
He's watching you struggle. Itâs like when you canât remember a word. Itâs right there. Itâs on the tip of your tongue.
You gulp, your eyes leave his and you look down at your lap. The dirt crunches under your feet as you shuffle your shoes around.
Chan swipes his thumb over your cheek, brushing away the tears. Heâs biting back his own.Â
âItâs okayââ âIâm sorryââ are both said at the exact same time.Â
He knew it was coming. He knows you. But you donât know him. Not anymore.Â
But you do.
âIt wasnât the kiss. IââÂ
âItâs okay, Y/N.â
You know him.Â
âChan, I really loved the kiss.â
Chan. Not Channie.Â
He brushes his thumb over your lips. âItâs okay,â he repeats gently. âYou donât have to explain.â
His other hand comes up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Your eyes slide shut at the sensation.Â
Your bottom lip quivers and you pull it into your mouth and bite it. With a tight swallow, your throat bobs.Â
âIt happens sometimes,â you whisper. âItâs from the accident I had.â
Chan continues to soothingly rub your skin with his thumb. Slowly, he kneels down to be in front of you rather than leaning over.Â
The dirt is cold on his knee. It seeps through the fabric of his pants. He couldnât care less.Â
âYou donât have to talk about it,â he whispers back to you.Â
You shake your head gently, your hands folding in your lap. âNo, no. I⊠I want to tell you. I need to tell you. Itâs been happening more and more whenever Iâm around you. Itâs like every touch, every word you say bounces around my brain and makes me feel the worst case of deja vu.
âEvery time Iâm with you I feel like Iâm trying to recall a dream I had last night but I just canât remember what it was.â
Youâre rambling. You only ramble when youâre overwhelmed and scared.Â
âChan, every time Iâm with you it feels like some part of me is screaming to be let out.â
Your eyes open and you stare right through him. Chan feels his heart squeeze and almost stop completely. Despite your best efforts, the tears keep coming.Â
âI was in a car accident a few months ago. I had such a severe concussion that I lost the last five years of my memory.âÂ
How is your voice so even?
Chanâs jaw clenches. Fuck fuck fuck.Â
He knows. Yes, Y/N. He knows. Fuck, does he know! If anyone fucking knows, itâs him.Â
âIââ he starts but you cut him off.Â
âPlease,â you choke out and take a deep breath. âAnd since then Iâve been getting bits and pieces of my memory back. Sometimes theyâre in large chunks, other times they just ⊠come back.
âWhen I try to think about my life before the accident. Thereâs this⊠person there. Someone important. Someone so, so important that it physically hurts me to think about how I donât know who it is. Theyâre a constant. And I love that theyâre a constant.â
Your hand comes up to clutch at your jacket right over your chest.Â
More tears come out of your eyes. The whites get more pink the more they flow.Â
âBut I know them. I do! I know them like I know the back of my hand. I-I know they love music. I know they take milk and sugar in their morning coffee. I know they donât get enough sleep at night.â
Louder and louder your voice gets as you grow sadder and sadder. The sobs between thoughts wrack your chest.Â
Him. Youâre talking about him.Â
Chanâs hands hold your face gently. His thumbs canât keep up with how much youâre crying.Â
Nothing has ever hurt this bad.Â
You know him. You just donât know itâs him.Â
Nevertheless, you continue. âI remember that they have the most obnoxious phone alarm in the morning. I remember the passcode to their phone is 032518. I know that they have this one black sweatshirt that I love to steal even though itâs their favorite.â
Chanâs own eyes begin watering, he canât stop it. You know him. You know him. Youâve remembered him this whole time and you didnât even know it.Â
You reach up and grab one of his hands and place it on your heart. Underneath your jacket, he can feel your heartbeat thudding violently against your chest.Â
That same heartbeat heâs been dying to listen to while you play with his hair and tell him about your day. The heartbeat he would give anything to hear as he falls asleep. His throat gets tighter and tighter.Â
âIâve been surrounded by bits and pieces of a ghost and no one wants to help me. No one will tell me anything, and Iâm so confused, Chan. I can tell that thereâs something that everyone is avoiding telling me.â
A gust of wind picks up through the playground. It nips at his cheeks. Itâs now he realizes how many tears are falling.Â
A sob tears from his throat.Â
You grip his hand tighter.Â
âTell me Itâs you, Chan.â Youâre begging. Youâre actually begging while keeping his hand pressed against your heartbeat.Â
âTell me that youâre the person that I see in my dreams. Tell me youâre the one that loves when I draw hearts on the bathroom mirror after I shower. Please tell me that youâre the one that loves the smell of lemon cookies but canât stand the taste.â
Oh, god, Y/N.
âTell me that youâre the one that wanted to pick me up from the party that night but I said no.â
He breaks.Â
He breaks right down in front of you. Every single ounce of self control leaves his body and he grabs you out of the swing, yanking you towards his body and holding you against his chest. The emotions that were being kept at bay come out like a raging storm.Â
He falls backwards into the dirt, you come crashing into him. Your arms wrap around him at the same time he wraps around you.Â
Chan buries his face in your neck, one hand on the back of your head and the other firmly around your waist.Â
Wails leave his mouth as he holds you to him. Theyâre deep and come from the very depths of his soul. The wound thatâs been open for months is bleeding. Â
Every lonely night. Every dinner where he cooked for two instead of one by accident. Every long day he came back to an empty apartment. Itâs all coming out.Â
Youâre crying just as hard as he is, both of your hands gripping the back of his hoodie like a lifeline.Â
Your body in his arms is like a piece of a puzzle. Like heâs the dusty one sitting on his dining room table and you finally came in and finished it.Â
Weeks and weeks of grief come crashing down on him. He canât lie anymore. Not to you. Never to you.Â
âIt is me,â he cries into your neck, his hand running over the back of your head, feeling your hair slip through his fingers. Itâs just like he remembers. âItâs all me, Y/N, Itâs me.â
Your cries get louder, your body starts shaking in his arms.Â
âIâve missed you, Y/N,â he cries harder. âFuck, Iâve missed you so much. I missed my girl. Oh my god, Iâve missed you.â
Chan canât pull you close enough, he canât get you close enough to his body. You shift around and press yourself into him.Â
âIâm so sorry, Y/N. Iâm so sorry I didnât pick you up that night. Iâm sorry I wasnât there for you. Iâm so sorry you got hurt.âÂ
Every ounce of grief is surfacing and clawing its way out of his throat.Â
âIâm sorry I had to lie to you these last two weeks. Iâm so sorry, Y/N. I was so broken without you. I broke the doctorâs orders. I needed to see you, Y/N.â
Despite how hard he has you gripped against him, you manage to pull away slightly. You sit up in his lap and look down at his red, tear soaked face. His eyes are puffy and his chest is sputtering with sobs.Â
Both of your hands cup his cheeks and swipe away the tears the same way he did for you only a small bit ago. Thereâs a sad smile on your face.Â
âPlease donât apologize, Channie, itâs okay. I forgive you.â
Channie. You called him Channie.
He cries harder and buries his face into your chest. Your arms immediately come around him and keep him there, fingers threading into his hair.Â
Youâre still crying. Both of you are.Â
âI know you were just doing what you were told to,â you whisper into his hair. He can hear your voice reverberate in your chest.Â
All he can do is cry.Â
Months of build up led to this moment. Endless days of going through the motions just for the next to be as dull and tedious led to him falling into you in the middle of a playground at night.Â
The only thing you do after that is hold him. You press kisses to the top of his head and whisper that you forgive him over and over.Â
Each one adds a stitch to the wound, shutting it.
Youâre finally in his arms. Youâre finally back where you belong.Â
âI missed you,â he says again, his cries dying down. He doesn't know what else to say. There's so much he wants to tell you, but everything dies on the tip of his tongue.
âI missed you too, Channie. My heart missed you so much.â
He sniffles and looks up at you. You pull your sweatshirt sleeve up and wipe away his stray tears gently.Â
âEvery day it just felt like something was missing. It was you. You were missing.â
Chan canât find any words to say. He just stares at you.Â
"I don't care how long it takes to remember, or even if I never do. I need you by my side for it, Chan."
His eyes sparkle at you for a moment but he leans up and captures your lips with his once more. It feels even better than the previous one.
The two of you relish in the contact, holding each other close and clinging to the closeness of it all.
It's taking everything within Chan not to start crying again. He's worried than any moment now, he'll wake up and this will all be some cruel dream.
But when you pull away from his lips, and he opens his eyes-- you're still there. You're still in his arms and smiling at him like you always did.
The burn is soothed.
âIf you think about it,â you start with a tiny smile. âWeâre luckyâ in a way.â
His entire face screws up, even more confused. âLucky?â
âHow many people get to say they fell in love with the same person twice?â
Chan blinks twice before it feels like his entire body thaws.Â
You and your glass half full attitude. Heâll never fucking get enough of it.Â
His arms wrap around you again, bringing you down into his chest. You let out a breathy giggleÂ
âYouâre never leaving my sight,â he breathes out. âNever again, baby, never.â
âI donât ever want to, Channie. I never will.â
This has been in my mind all day but the thought of skz ninth member saying she could identify others with her eyes closed leaving the boys curious if she could guess who's fucking her with a blindfold, if she gets it correct she can cum
this was such an incredible ask!!!!!!!! literally one of my favourites ever. and i just cant explain how fun this was to write so thank youuu!!!!!đ
Warnings: 18+mdni!! ot8 unprotected sex, saliva, sensory play(blindfold), hair pulling, spanking, nicknames, cumshots, banter, mention of voyeurism, multiple positions, size kink(not body size;only cock size), mention of breeding, sensory play (blindfold)
wc: 3.7k
~~~~~~
"Go on then," Seungmin says, gesturing to the empty couch situated perfectly in the middle of the room.
"This is going to be too easy. Being around you guys all the time, I know all your tells," you say, plopping down on the dorm's shared couch.
Here are the rules:
No members talking
No members moaning
No kissing
Once you guess it right, they pull out
Rewards if you win:
All members get to finish on you
You get to cum with their help
You're in the 3racha dorm surrounded by your 8 other members whose eyes are glistening from curiosity at what's about to unfold. You'd made a bet, of course you'd made a bet, that you would be able to identify which member was fucking you, no exceptions. They, of course, denied that was possible. So, here you are lying half naked, waiting to prove them all wrong.
Chan steps to you, kneeling down beside the couch, fingertips hanging off the side. His eyes are searching yours for any glimmer of hesitancy - any second thoughts. There of course was none. The slow burn of his stare makes a shiver run over you and you can see the wheels turning in his mind, you just wish you could pin down those exact thoughts.
"Felix? Blindfold." Chan raises his hand behind him, anticipating the cloth but not taking his heated eyes off of you.
You smile inwardly, knowing you're sure that you've gotten yourself into the best situation you could have. They're all hot, gorgeous even, men in their 20's ready to fuck you dumb over a bet. Their sex drives high, they're ready to dump load after load and that thought does not leave your cunt dry to say the least.
You've heard and seen all these men make themselves cum over and over again. The walls aren't that thick. But whether they know that is another story.
Now you're going to be getting a taste of what it's like to be on the other side of those walls. You can't help the elation that slides up your throat. These are your other 8 members. You've seen each other at your lowest and your highest, and now you wonder how this bet may play out in the group dynamics.
Who knows, it might just be the best thing you all could have done together...
Felix gives the black fabric to a patiently waiting Chan.
Changbin's giggle echoes through the room as you wink at him. He's just too cute.
"Bin, I'm cumming for you first." You smirk as you succumb to the darkness that is the blindfold taking away your vision. Blocking your most vital sense.
Changbin huffs out a clearly sexually frustrated sigh as he runs his hand through his hair. You hadn't even begun to think how even just the idea of this happening might have the members' imaginations running.
"Not gonna know which one of us is first though, angel," Hyunjin responds with a soft tease in his tone, close enough for you to hear the little whisper in his breath.
"Angel? Oh, careful Hyune...After that nickname paired with your cock, I might just fall in love."
"Everyone shut up this is taking forever," Seungmin says deadpan, flipping off the light. He was always impatient.
"You idiot she's blindfolded, we don't need them all off" Lee Know says, "she can't see anything anyway."
"You do it then," Seungmin bites back at Lee Know playfully.
"Boys, boys, let's all just simmer down hm? Keep this a zen fucking zone."
Han gets up, increasing the light in the room with the dimmer switch. Hannie - ever so attentive.
The room is silent, members grinding their teeth, stretching their fingers, waiting for your cue, presumably.
"We just gonna sit here chatting boys? Or is someone gonna stick their cock into me? I'm ready to win a bet."
The room bustles, voices whispering and winding to a halt as the first contestant climbs over you.
The couch shifts under you like a ship listing in the deep ocean.
Your back is supported on the couch, blindfold secured around your head, panties still on but already showing a thick wet spot.
A chill of self-consciousness floods you just for a second before it's replaced by the confidence of having your 8 members focused fully on you as they wait to fuck you in turns.
The first mystery man's hands slide the fabric down your legs, exposing your cunt to all 8 of your members. You feel so bare, so vulnerable, but so goddamn powerful. You can almost hear their hard swallows as all their eyes are glued on you, their cocks tripling in size in anticipation.
"Someone put it in," you say, tapping your fingers on your chin like you're bored.
Suddenly you're breached, their length sliding in effortlessly into your wet cunt. Your walls immediately shiver around the foreign feeling, clamping down. They're so deep it feels like a bubble might just pop deep inside your belly. The member's hips stop halfway as a gasp rips from your chest, an electricity running to your fingertips.
You stammer, "b-big," as their hands caress you, rubbing gentle circles over your skin, complimenting the deep, slow strokes. Their hands are large, fingers thin but sculpted so beautifully. He slides the rest of the way in, saliva dripping out of his mouth onto your tits. The warm liquid splashes onto your peaked nipples as their head dips down just to swirl it in circles with their tongue.
"H-Hyune!" you yelp mid-moan, knowing there's no way in hell that's not him.
"Fuck how?" Hyun says, stopping his movements and reluctantly pulling out.
You grasp your tummy as the removal feels so sudden, leaving you empty once more.
"You and your oral fixation baby, you're a deliciously messy, messy fuck," you say pinching your nipples, the wetness still stimulating you.
It's silent again as he climbs off the couch and another member replaces him.
You feel your cunt clench and flutter as you wait to be filled again.
The next mystery member teases his thick satiny tip in and out of you, inching himself in and then pulling out. The stretch is even bigger than Hyune, narrowing down your options to just a few.
"S-so p-patient," you exhale, pondering a few members that could bare minimum fit the category of patient.
He sinks in, pressing his chest firmly onto yours, his shirt blocking skin to skin contact. Your back arches as you adjust to the size of him as he bottoms out.
"F-fuck" falls out of your mouth as his hips pull back just to jolt forward again.
"Mmm, n-needs to feel close to who he's fucking," you pant, trying your best to focus on the task at hand.
He hits your spot immediately, his thrusts gentle but deep.
"Channie baby," you say in confidence. "F-feel you pushing into my c-cervix, can't not think of b-breeding can you?"
With a huffed laugh, he pulls out, leaving you empty and aching once more.
"Yep," he says, nodding his head and swiping his forehead in defeat. He starts to speak, likely wondering how you know he thinks of breeding all the time, but he stops his train of thought.
Just then you visibly shiver on the couch, thinking of all the times Chan has thought of breeding you. Sneaking into your room at night, just to fill you with his cum.
"Fuck," you hear a distant voice mumble in response to your body writhing.
The next member handles your frame differently, a little faster, planting you flat on your stomach.
He climbs over you, not wasting any time before bullying his cock into you. He's placed your legs close together, so when he slides in it feels like your cunt expands ten-fold, pressure building like it's your first time.
You notice he's a little thinner than the other two, the new angle puzzling you as to who it could be. You feel him pull out and plunge back in, as you wait for his tell.
You were puzzled for another minute, little moans running out of your mouth. Confusion subsides once his fingers grab your waist, peppering kisses over your hot skin wrapping around your waist. He's not so much thrusting anymore as rutting into you, his breath hot on your neck. He's needy, borderline insatiable. He's fast with his rutting, like he's speeding to get to the finish line.
Then it hits you.
"Jeongin," floats out of your mouth gently as the rhythm of his hips seems to have hypnotized you.
His pelvis continues pressing into you desperately as your ass cushions his every rut, a loud moan now breaking out from his throat in agreement.
"N-needy, just as I thought, still fucking me even after it's over, you say, chuckling.
You hear him puff out air, hands squeezing your skin trying to convince himself to pull out. Finally, he musters up the strength to slide out of you and off the couch.
"Fuck she's tight, how'd you guys stop?" he asks, panting.
"Number 4 here we go, my cunt needs more." You're feeling needy yourself, but you'd never admit it.
This member wants you leaning over the couch, ass in the air, your elbows just resting on the back of the couch, barely stable.
A loud smack lands on your ass, jolting you forward. You hiss from the sting, the deliciously painful bliss of it just as he nestles his silky tip into your gooey cunt.
"Lee Know," you get out before you even feel him fully penetrate you. It was too easy.
He pauses his movements as Chan's voice sounds.
"Are you sure?" Chan asks, trying to get into your head.
"Y-yes," you say right as the 4th member slides into you fully, not letting you adjust to his size.
His hands are bound in your hair as his hips speed up, his cock knocking into your spot with lightning speed, the intensity feeling like he's about to tip over a glass full of water.
"F-fuck Minho, m-more," you say before you can filter it out of your mouth.
"More?" Lee Know says, a smug tone painting the letters as he gives your ass another slap.
"Oh really angel? He gets to keep fucking you?" Hyunjin says, attitude thick in his silky voice.
That seems to snap you back to the reality of the situation as you swallow hard.
"Minho," you say, signaling him to, unfortunately, pull out.
He retreats with a growl, clearly frustrated from lack of finishing.
"You're intriguing Y/n."
"M-more than just your ninth member, I'm like a seer of all things," you say, snaking your head around towards where the now mumbling voices are coming from.
Your body is starting to tremble, the lack of your vision unlocking and magnifying all other senses within your body. Each touch from them is more rounded, each sound is sharper, you feel like a goddamn vampire with supernatural senses.
Hands grab you once more, pulling you down onto the cushion but keeping you slouched facing the front of the couch. You yelp from the surprise of changing positions so quickly, your hair getting messier by the second.
"Ooh surprises, I love surprises," you say just as the new member's warm hands hold your legs open in a wide v-shape in the air.
His rounded tip dips in once, twice, before sending all his weight into your cunt at once. The stretch was obvious.
A blood curdling moan rips out of you at the weight of the thrusts he's giving you. His hips are at a different angle than the others before him, his hips waving in an effortless thrust; one that scoops out your insides in the most intoxicating way. The smooth thrusts angle upwards, massaging your sweet spot that makes your eyes roll back.
You get lost in the rhythm he's giving you, not wanting your blissed out state to stop.
Suddenly you hear Minho clear his throat, snapping you back to reality.
"H-heavy c-cock, f-fucking incredible stroke game, wants me pliable...B-Binnie I know that's you...sp-splitting me in two."
Your cunt is pulsing around him, the stretch stinging so good your toes curl so hard, threatening to lose feeling.
He pulls out and you reflexively whine, "t-too fast." You trip over the words as your cunt feels utterly abandoned.
"Y/n, you're something, you know that?" Binnie says still stroking his hardened cock as he assumes his place next to the other members.
"'M aching." Your voice is thinner this time, like you're slowly slipping into a dream. You've nearly forgotten all about the bet, now you just have tunnel vision for your own release.
You were right, it was the best decision you could have made - doing this bet. But it was also torture having each member pull out when all you really wanted was to say fuck the bet and let them all have their way with you.
But your pride was not letting up.
The 6th member interrupts your thought as you're positioned onto your back, flat. The new set of hands press your wrists above your head, their fingers gentle given the sudden movement.
The new position makes your teeth capture your lips, tugging hard.
He takes a second to get comfortable, cock vibrating as he trembles from the pleasure of nudging his cock inside of you. He bottoms out in one thrust, pausing to collect himself once in.
All movements on his end have ceased, like he's trying so hard to control himself.
You don't even need one more thrust to know who that is.
"H-Hannie baby, you're trying so hard n-not to ruin me or yourself by cumming right...now."
You hear a hiccupped moan flutter from his pretty lips as he pulls out like he's caught fire.
"F-fuck," he says, turning away and closing his eyes to stave off the impending orgasm.
"Cute," Felix says breaking the silence that has droned on since you started this whole thing. "You look like you're actually gonna splatter cum all over yourself right now."
"H-hey you don't understand how w-warm sh-," Han retorts, but trails off as you hear him bite down on his hand.
You chuckle, amused by his lack of control. How his tip is just dripping with precum ready to explode.
"Yeah Hannie, I know you can't help it baby, m'just wanna take care of you." You say it with a little twist in your voice like you're egging him on.
Your body convulses suddenly, not long away from an orgasm ripping through you from the constant friction you've endured. You shut your lips tight, trying to calm the storm inside of you.
"N-no one slide in yet, or I'll cum."
"See I'm not the only one!" Han tries to defend himself.
"Y-yeah but you haven't just had 6 cocks in you," you laugh and can just sense the redness creeping into his cheeks.
Your members give you a minute to suppress the feeling in your stomach threatening to tear you apart.
"Okay, go," you say, ready for more.
Two more, you can do this, you coach yourself internally.
The next mystery member wants you on your hands and knees but still on the couch. A caress of their soft hands on your ass has you grinding back to get more.
"Mmm already making me beg...okay, I see you number 7."
They spread your ass cheeks before circling their tip on your stretched out cunt. He slides his cock up to your other, much tighter hole. He alternates nudging your sensitive holes, his hand massaging your ass in harsh circles.
With a grip on your hips, his whole length enters you. He's big, just like the rest, but there's a lean to his cock that you feel, prodding you in a new, gorgeous corner of your walls.
His fingers are digging into your skin hard, but his thrusts are just steadily increasing.
"Patient too, but wants their way with me," you whisper, circling your ass backwards to catch him deeper.
"Seungminnie you just wanna fuck me like your little pup don't you?"
He stills.
"C'mon Y/n. H-how?" he says, utterly shocked but still pumping you as you've grabbed his wrist now to try and keep him inside.
"I've heard you fuck your fist moaning. 'Such a desperate pup," You mimic him with a low growl just like you've heard many, many times.
"You like watching me like a perv?" Seungmin teases.
"You can watch me anytime Seungminnie, might even let you help."
You can hear his head shaking through the lazy corners of his laugh at your bold statement.
He gives your ass a little slap before climbing back off the couch, joining the others.
"Last one. Then you can cum." Chan says, his voice shaky from his own stimulation it seemed.
Member 8 wants you back on your stomach but rather than take you flat, he tucks a pillow under your hips to raise them a few inches.
"F-Felix baby, why even bother? I know it's you," you say through a very tired voice.
You hadn't realized how much they'd drain you one after another.
"You wanna cum don't you? Gotta guess all of us sweetheart," he says in a thick, deep Aussie accent that resonates in your ears and travels right back down to your core.
"Fuck Felix," you pant, feeling that rubber band tighten in your stomach again. "Don't play with me, its been a long night."
He adjusts the pillow once more, bending down to whisper by your ear, "might want to hold on sweetheart."
Reflexively, you press your ass towards him more, wrapping your fingers around the pillow beneath you.
"Just...like," he says, sliding the first inch in, before bottoming out with a flick of his hips, "that."
"Mmm" you hum. "Lixie, the t-type to look innocent but fuck you d-dumb," you say, your body jolting with each harsh thrust of his hips.
He speeds up not wasting any time in getting you both to your highs. Being the last member to go, he doesn't seem to be worried about pushing either of you too far.
"Wanna c-cum on your cock L-Lixie."
You know it might not be fair, to only let Lixie be the one to bring you over the edge, and on his cock nonetheless, but you thought you might die if another one pulled out of you not letting you release on them.
"I need to cum on c-cock."
Felix grabs the blindfold, pushing it off of your head and your eyes blur, colors looking more contrasting than you remember.
Blinking to adjust to the light, you see all 8 of your members stroking their cocks above you.
"What do you think hm?" Felix addresses the members. "Should we let her cum on my cock?"
"I-I won, I choose," you say through your teeth, feeling like you might explode if you don't get to cum soon.
"She's right, let our little bunny choose," Changbin says, kneeling now, stroking his cock at a new angle.
"W-want to be on top," you say.
You're straddling Felix now, reverse cowgirl as you watch the members mouths open, tongues swiping their lips, pained pleasured expressions painting their features.
You reach out, feeling around each one, going from member to member, running your shaky hand over their leaking cocks.
Never would you have guessed you'd ever be in this situation, having all 8 of your members wide eyed and at the mercy of your cunt.
And it felt fucking phenomenal.
Their eyes are all mesmerized by you, Felix's eyes glued to your ass bouncing up and down on his cock. His head is thrown back, his pouty mouth open in awe.
You ride him a little harder, his cock hitting your spot as your clit goes haywire from stimulation.
"Fuck m'gonna cum," you say, fingers dragging on Felix's thighs as you feel the rubber band finally snap deep in your belly.
As the wave washes over you, Hyunjin kneels in front of you beside Changbin, suctioning his puffy, warm lips over your nipple. The slight sting from how hard he's sucking makes you scream out as Felix drills you from beneath, helping you ride out your high.
Lee Know fists your hair, yanking your head back
"That's it kitten, 8 cocks enough for you?" he menaces.
Your body finally gives out as Felix and Chan hold your body up, preventing you from toppling over. Your muscles are seized with pleasure, your eyes closed in bliss.
"Fuck Y/n, babygirl, we've got you," Chan says, hands on your waist as your body continues undulating.
You make it a mission to make eye contact with each member as they furiously pump their cocks.
Hyunjin is the first to let go, the fixation on your breast tipping him over the edge. His mouth is sucking your nipple still as he shoots out ropes of warm cum on your chest and stomach.
The sight of him falling apart seems to trigger the rest of the members as they crowd around you releasing onto your sweaty, glistening skin nearly one right after the other.
Moans fill the room as they cum to the scene of the aftermath of your orgasm, as your body still jerks, electricity still running through you.
Felix taps your ass, "u-up m'gonna cum." He lifts you, counting on Chan and Lee Know to leverage your weight as you shoot up off of Felix's cock like a rocket. You bend forward, both members helping you to plant your hands on the floor so that you don't fall on your face.
A deep groan followed by heavy pants come from Felix as he empties himself on your back and ass, his warm cum making designs on your beautiful skin.
The front of your body is all sticky, cum falling off your skin onto the floor from the mess the guys made on you.
"Holy shit," Seungmin says, lying flat on the floor, spent.
Felix helps you upright and helps you off of his lap. "Y/n, fuck" Felix says, eyes looking like that definitely will not be the last time that happens.
You try to stand but your legs feel injected with jelly.
Chan catches your misstep. "Woah Y/n, you good?"
"See I told you, I know all your tells boys," you say, so pleased with yourself and utterly satisfied.
Request: iâm not sure if your request are still open honestly itâs my first time requesting ever. do you think you could do one of 10, and 13 with changbin, they were exes and something happened either one could say 10 and then they get stuck together, idk this was a big brain fart
Prompt:
10) âWas it worth it?â
13) Oh no! There's only one bed!
Pairing: Stray Kids Changbin x Reader
Genre: Angst (with a happy ending)
Song rec as you read: Top or Cliff - KIM SEJEONG
.
"What do you mean there's only one room left?" you hissed into your cell phone.
"They overbooked for the weekend," Chan sighed on the other end of the line. "We reserved the rooms when you and Bin were still together."
"And I told you I would pay the extra to get my own room," you groaned. This could not be happening.
When you had agreed to go on this friend-cation, you had been blissfully wrapped in the throes of love.
Now, you were stranded at the airport with a headache and an ex-boyfriend hailing a cab.
"It would have been nice for you to tell me he was on the same flight by the way," you scoffed.
"You literally booked the flights together-"
"You said he was going to change them to come in earlier! With you!"
"I thought he was!" Chan gasped. "Look, if you can't suck it up and be an adult for five minutes-"
"It's a twenty-minute drive," you pouted.
"And rooms are already sorted, so you guys are just going to have to figure it out," he sighed. You could almost hear him, miles away, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Can't he like...stay on your pull-out couch?" you hedged. "I'm sure your partner won't-"
"Oh, they will very much mind," Chan chuckled. "Plus, Changbin paid his portion just like everyone else. He's not getting downgraded to my loveseat."
"He's small enough to fit damn near anywhere," you muttered.
"Y/N," Chan said slowly, careful to keep his annoyance reigned in. "We'll see you soon, okay?"
"Just say you hate me," you complained. You knew you were being dramatic, but you were in too deep to turn back now. It really wasn't your intention to be a brat, but you and Changbin hadn't seen each other in weeks. Your friends had inadvertently become children of divorce, so you knew Chan didn't deserve the grief you were giving him.
"If by hate you mean love," he said cheerfully. "Now get your butt here. I'll see you in the morning."
Rolling your eyes, you hung up the call and shoved your phone in your pocket. Turning on your heel, you marched over to where Changbin was shoving suitcases into the back of a taxi.
"Everything okay?" he huffed, pushing the very last of the luggage into the trunk. "What did Chan say?"
"That you've been invited to sleep on his pullout couch," you smiled brightly.
"Y/N."
"They couldn't get us separate rooms," you muttered, crossing your arms. "And we have to make do."
Changbin's eyebrows shot up. "I'll pay the difference."
"Tried that," you sighed. "They literally have no more room."
"They always have more room," Changbin grumbled, yanking his phone out of his pocket. "Even if it's an executive suite."
"By all means," you hummed, sliding into the back of the waiting car. "If you think you can do something literally no one else could, go ahead."
Choosing not to acknowledge your comment, Changbin joined you in the backseat. Careful to keep a sufficient space barrier between the two of you, he informed the driver of your destination before getting on the phone with what you assumed to be the hotel concierge.
No matter how charming he could be, the fifteen minutes he spent on the phone yielded no results. As he hung up, you could see how ruffled he was. Leaning his head against the window of the taxi, he slowly exhaled.
"Let me guess?" you remarked. "No matter how much money you threw at the problem, it didn't work?"
Taking a deep breath, he swiveled toward you. "I was just trying to help-"
"No one asked," you said sharply. "I tried to fix the problem and couldn't. So did Chan. I don't know why you thought you could come in and save the day-"
"You used to like it when I saved the day," he bristled.
You knew you weren't being fair and simply picking at him just for the sake of picking. "I used to like you in general, but here we are."
Changbin closed his eyes and leaned back into the seat. Luckily, the hotel was already coming into sight. Unluckily, you would still be stuck together for the next few days.
.
"Shit," Changbin said, stepping into the hotel room.
Yanking your suitcase over the lip of the door, you made your way into the room, stopping just behind him. "What-"
The words were erased from your tongue as you took in your surroundings. The room was gorgeous, and admittedly, pretty romantic. You were greeted by a small seating area and a low table decorated with rose petals and snacks. Looking further into the room, you could see you had your own private pool outside, intimate and moody with low lighting. The thing you had avoided recognizing though was perhaps the most obvious.
There was only one bed.
"Perfect," you croaked, completely exhausted by this whole situation. "Absolutely perfect."
"I could try to-"
"My guess is," you said slowly. "That they are so fully booked, that they won't be able to move us to a room with two queens."
"But you don't know that for sure," he said with a small nod, trying to convince himself. "I'll go to the front desk."
"Knock yourself out," you sighed, leaning against the wall to begin sliding slowly down it. It was time to accept defeat. "Better yet actually knock yourself out."
Changbin shot you a dirty look as he yanked the door open and disappeared from sight.
Too bad he was back within ten minutes.
"Let me guess," you smirked. "They are fully booked and won't be able to move us to a room with two queens?"
"You don't have to gloat," he pouted, plopping on the edge of the bed. Looking helplessly around the room, his focus landed on the two armchairs in the seating area (very much not a normal, pull-out couch.) "I can just make a pallet on the floor."
You felt a small pang in your chest. As much as you didn't want to admit you had any threads of care left for the man in front of you, you did. And unfortunately, you didn't want to condemn him to sleeping on the floor. "That wouldn't be fair to you."
"It is what it is," he sighed. "And I'm not going to subject you to laying in a bed with me when you don't even want us to be in the same room."
"Stop being dramatic," you scoffed, totally projecting. "We can make a pillow barrier. Plus, I really don't want to hear you complain and make me into the bad guy."
"Y/N," he groaned. "It's not like that."
You chewed on your lip, knowing it wasn't. Changbin had honestly been much more charitable than you had even tried being since the two of you had broken up. You had pinned most of the reasons for separating on him, so maybe he had taken it to heart.
Choosing to ignore his protests, you began to unpack instead. Leaving the top two drawers in the dresser open for him (a habit from when you were dating) you silently moved your clothing and essentials to various parts of the room.
"Do you mind if I shower first?" he asked. His tone was careful, as if he was waiting for you to explode.
You hated it.
"Go for it," you answered.
He moved quietly toward the bathroom, leaving you with only your thoughts as you heard the click of the lock.
Moving toward the bed, you shoved your face into a pillow to let loose a mix between a groan and scream. Sometimes it just helped to make nonsensical sounds when you were feeling frustrated.
It was difficult being around Changbin again. Even though the two of you had broken up, there were feelings there. You had been so desperately in love with him at one point, you just assumed you would be a little bit in love forever. You thought the two of you had been bulletproof, but in one evening of anger, you managed to break both your heart and his (and still clung to the rationalization that it was all his fault).
You knew who he was when you had started dating. Seo Changbin, member of Stray Kids, producer in 3racha, gym rat, and lastly, boyfriend. All of those things came first, and you were so, so tired of being the last checkbox on the list. After being cancelled on for maybe the hundredth time because there was some sort of work emergency, you had had enough. His things were waiting in boxes when he had eventually shown up, and you had endless reasons for why you didn't want to continue forward.
When he begged, you had shut him down. Looking back now, you knew it was because you were afraid. It was easier to have a hard break than admit that you were both flawed people who weren't trying hard enough. It was easier than actually making the effort and being uncomfortable. You werent't ready for that advanced level of vulnerability.
Changbin was one of the softest and squishiest individuals you had ever met, which made it even harder. Any form of neglect he had stumbled into subjecting you to had never came with a hard edge. When he apologized, he was genuinely sorry. He was too good and pure to have to deal with you being upset over something he loved. He dreamt of being an idol before he even knew you existed. It would be the best for both of you if you just stopped interfering in his success.
Maybe the thing that hurt you the most though was seeing how it seemingly didn't affect him. He continued forward like nothing had happened, even treating you as a friend whenever you happened to run in the same circles. That was when you decided you couldn't like him, even if you loved him. It was easier to be annoyed than show how hurt it made you.
It was sick to say that you had wanted him to be just as miserable and lost as you were.
As you heard the water cut off, you pushed your face away from the pillow and took a deep breath. It was just a quick trip. You could be cordial for the sake of your friends.
You heard him before you saw him. With the phone glued to his ear, he was chuckling at someone on the other line. It was difficult not to ogle at the water droplets still decorating his shoulders and collar bone, even though he was technically fully dressed in a tank top and shorts.
"We need to redo the guide," he instructed. "I might be able to break away for a little bit and record something.
Yes, I know I'm on vacation, but we're already behind."
After a few more minutes of arguing, he hung up, and tossed his phone onto the bed.
You couldn't help yourself. "Was it worth it?"
"Hm?" he asked. You knew he had to pull himself out of his own thoughts before he could address yours.
"Was it worth it?" you repeated, crossing your arms.
"The shower?" he asked, lifting his brows and smiling his patented one-sided smirk. "Absolutely."
"No," you croaked. "Working. On vacations, in what's supposed to be your free time. Was it all worth it?"
He plopped on the edge of the bed, keeping his back to you. "We're talking past - past tense here...aren't we? Not the call I was just on."
Your silence was answer enough.
"I like to think it was," he said quietly, tilting his head to the side as he made a hissing noise to reprimand himself. "But as days go by, the more and more I wonder if I was wrong."
You chewed on your lip, not at all knowing what answer you had expected, but that wasn't it.
Looking over his shoulder, he slowly pivoted his body to face yours. His expression softened as he said quietly, "Is that why you hate me?"
Your jaw dropped open as you floundered for one of your knee-jerk, cutting responses. His face conveyed such helplessness.
"...I don't hate you, Changbin," you said quietly. Surely, he had to know that.
"I don't think I would blame you if you did," he chuckled sadly. "I put just about everything before you, didn't I?"
"It wasn't a matter of putting things before me," you said slowly. "It was a matter of putting things before us. We were supposed to be a team."
The old adage that time heals all wounds was at least proving itself to be slightly true. It was definitely easier to speak on how you were feeling now that you had put some space between yourself and the initial confrontation.
Changbin nodded slowly. "I wanted to be better."
You tried to take the ice out of your tone. "I did too."
"Then why didn't we try?" he asked, looking toward you with watery eyes.
You tried to focus on your breathing. If Changbin cried, you were absolutely going to cry.
"I thought...I thought that I had done so badly as a boyfriend," he continued. "And that's why you treated me like I was an inconvenience once we broke up."
"You were an inconvenience," you grumbled. "Only because I was still so upset...and you were acting like everything was okay between us."
"I don't know how to act otherwise!" he contended. "We broke up and I still loved you. Treating you any other way would have hurt my heart, and I'm too selfish to do that on top of what was already done."
"Huh," you hiccupped, feeling the tears come despite your best efforts. "I really goofed, didn't I?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, furrowing his brows.
"I was the one who did the breaking up, Bin," you said quietly. "I tried to tell myself I shouldn't feel bad because it was your fault. You were the one who was always gone, but I didn't try to talk to you about it. I let it become this completely...other thing inside of me. It was like every time you cancelled, I added it to this stack until it finally tumbled over."
"But I should have realized on my own," he asserted, standing up to move closer to you. Dropping to his knees in front of you, he gathered your hands in his. Looking up through his lashes, you could see the toll the last few months had taken on him.
You were foolish to think he wasn't suffering in the same way you were.
"We can blame ourselves all day," you sniffed, finally letting the tears run over your cheeks. "But it doesn't change the fact that we broke up...and now we're here."
"So we un-break up," he mused, saying it as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
"Un-break up?" you muttered.
"Mhm," he hummed, easing up from his knees to sit beside you. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he tucked you into his side.
"It's not that easy," you hiccupped, shaking your head but making no attempt to untangle your body from his.
"Who says it can't be?"
"We're different people now, Bin," you maintained. "Do we even know if we can be that safe space for each other? It ended so poorly last time, and-"
"Because we let it!" he argued. "But we know now-"
"Do we?" you interrupted. "We don't actually know how to fix what happened. We walked away."
"And here we are, walking back," he chuckled, shaking his head. "We can try, really try...if you think it's worth it."
You chewed on your lip, looking toward him. His eyes were still a little puffy from his brief crying episode, but it was definitely the same Bin you had fallen in love with months ago. His dark hair was beginning to dry in its signature messy curls, and his even darker eyes watched you carefully. There was a fire there that had been extinguished for so long, seeing it again caused your heart to skip a beat. Now that you had opened the door, he would push as hard as possible to make his way back in.
"Y/N?"
"I may not be worth it," you laughed grimly. "But I know you are."
"I didn't know we were throwing a pity party," he teased. "I should have bought streamers."
"I take it back," you grumbled. "You aren't worth it."
Changbin's grin was wide as he wrapped his other arm around you and squeezed you tightly. "Of course, you're worth it, silly."
"So we're doing this," you whispered into his bare shoulder. The smell of his shower gel was still heavy on his skin, encouraging you to inhale deeply. For the first time in weeks, you felt at home.
"Hell yeah we are," he chimed. "We're going to do the shit out of this."
You laughed as you pulled away from him. You wanted to look into his eyes. He needed to understand.
"Starting now, we both promise to do better," you nodded slowly. He nodded along, eyes wide. "Which means, do you really have to work while you're here?"
He smirked, letting out a small chuckle. "Starting now, I am going to be so present in this relationship, you're going to get sick of me. You'll be begging for me to go to the studio."
"Somehow I doubt that," you sighed, lifting a hand to cradle his jaw. He tilted his face, nuzzling your palm before dropping a soft kiss there. "But I'm excited to see you try."
âł Much bemused with love and all facets of it, you're none bothered by the idea of spending your days unattached, for you're never truly alone with your best friend by your side. Yet in meeting a handsome young bartender, your plans begin to change. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to let someone in, after all. If only you knew the whole truth of him.
âł Seo Changbin x female reader
âł Best friends brother romance trope. Angst and heaps of sexy tension, a multitude of misunderstandings, age gap (older reader), a case of mistaken/hidden identity, thrown power dynamics (employee/employer), smut throughout.
! Explicit content, adult themes, 10.8k, suitable for 18+ readers only !
She is as cruel as she is salacious; the facet of love that calls herself Desire.
Fickle yet icily determined, she visits us all in good time to weave her thorny tendrils around and about our values, sense and integrity; those parts of us that make us superior to mere rutting creatures of instinctâ how Desire so loves to watch us regress. Discord is sewn where her dainty foot treads, good men turned covetous, chaste women turned ravenous. She discriminates not, cares not where she invades and thinks not of the lives she ends, begins or disrupts. None so powerful a force exists as herâ Desire brings all to their knees, Desire brings dynasty after empire, Desire brings power, for men will do anything for that which they desire.
But what does Desire do when the door is closed on her? Does she give up and move on? Does she knock incessantly and with increasing ferocity until one is driven stark mad? Or does she bide her time, waiting patiently until the door inevitably warps and she is allowed in to wreak her lascivious chaos?
So it was, that you were about to find out.
It all began with a wedding.
--
Park Jihyo was, before anything else, your very best friend.
After that, she was a self-made millionaire with two Michelin stars and a handful of restaurants to her name.
But mostly, she was your very best friend. Your âsister from another misterâ. Your âsoulmateâ. Your âother halfâ. âBetter halfâ, youâd argue. Life before Jihyo had been unthinkably bland, and life after her was lived in glorious, vibrant technicolour. To think an unfortunate college dorm mix-up bore responsibility!
Hunched over the kitchen island (Italian marble, naturally) of her penthouse apartment, Jihyo glowered at an order list, a pencil tucked above her curled top lip. Her short, chocolate brown bob was tied into a haphazard ponytail, her bangs fluffed over the thick-rimmed gold glasses that perched on her scrunched nose. Youâd read somewhere that it was normal for one to be at least a smidge in love with their friends; for all that you connected on, should it not make sense to be?
âYouâll get mouth wrinkles,â you said acerbically.
Her lips drooped and the pencil fell with a clatter. âShit.â
âNo. Wrinkles.â
âCan you not add to my stress right now?â She huffed, retrieving the pencil before it nose-dived from the counter edge.
You shrugged, scrolling your Insta feed. âI told you this booking was a bad idea.â
âI know.â
âItâs not too late to cancel.â
âThey wouldnât find another caterer at this short notice.â
âAnd thatâs your problem, how? Also: youâre not a caterer. Youâre a chef.â
Jihyo pinched her nose. âI agreed to do it for them.â
âBy which you mean they pressured you into it.â
âDoesnât matter. I canât back out now. Besides; I donât mind a challenge.â
âA challenge? A gluten-free, vegan, lactose intolerant wedding party is not a challenge, itâs a fucking Herculean task.â
âDonât forget the nut allergies,â she sighed.
âBrilliant. Well, I really hope they enjoy their ice cube platters.â
Jihyo pursed her lips again. âThatâs not even a bad idea. Snow cones?â
You rolled your eyes. âYes, please. We will look awesome serving snow cones on silver trays.â
âThey wonât just be snow cones, idiot. Iâll make them all fancy and shit. Iâll think on it.â
âYou do that. I'll sort out yeti costumes for front of house in the meantime.â
Jihyo laughed, bright and light. You rose from your stool at the island and stretched out to the satisfying pops and cracks of tired joints. âIâm heading off.â
She glanced up to the kitchen clock. âBallsâ thatâs the time!? The wholesalers closes in ten minutes!â
âBetter get your quick-thinking cap on, then.â
She groaned and collapsed, head in her arms. You rounded it with a chuckle, slid your hand up her warm back and squeezed her shoulder.
âI can stay and help if you want,â you offered.
She shook her head. âNo. Go get some sleep. Tomorrowâs a big day. Youâll need it.â
âAlright. Donât stay up too late though. Call if you need anything.â
She nodded into her arms.
âWeâve got this, okay?â
She grunted. Resigned to no more response than that, you patted her back affectionately, and left her lavish home. Humming a pleasant ditty during the short elevator ride to the ground floor and even shorter walk just down the hall to your place, you found to be in good spirits despite the impending doom of tomorrow. Jihyo would pull something out of the bag. She always did. Her Michelin stars werenât for nothing, after all.
Absconding your jacket and shoes in favour of an oversized cotton shirt and pink slippers, the remainder of the evening was spent double-checking the array of speciality cocktails you had developed for tomorrow, familiarising yourself once more with the seating plan, and brushing up your service smile.
Jihyo told you to get some sleep, hypocrite that she wasâ as if you could so easily find rest knowing sheâd find none tonight.
--
âSam, hey!â
You snapped your fingers sharply, drawing the attention of the young waitress with her arms full of packaged wine glasses.
âDid you do these?â You pointed at the nearby tableâs napkins.
âYes.â
âKindly do them again please, theyâre not folded at the edges.â
The youngster nodded and scuttled off compliantly.
Clipboard in hand sporting a printed copy of the seating plan, you checked the names against the dainty, gilded plates arranged on the tables. âBrownâ had been placed in âEvansâ spotâ you quickly swapped them with a huff.
The grand hall had been set pristinely, tones of dove white and pastel pink chiffon melting together to present the perfect fairytale affair. Lillies arranged in breathtaking displays matched the floral centrepieces of each round, white-clothed table, the seats draped in pink ribbons and tied to pin-perfect bows. Through the bay windows there were clear views of the surrounding lush grounds where the guests currently mingled and chatted, your warming cocktails in hand that had, so far, gone down a treat.
Unusual in all respects for a chef so well-established as Jihyo to accept such an undertaking, but as she had previously justified on your disapproval, the bride and groom were apparent professional acquaintances. Turning them down was not an option.
âHassan!â You hissed at the waiter fingering a set of silverware. âWhat did we say about needing an inch of space between these?â You reached around him and slid the knife away from the fork. âAnd polish them again, please. After youâve put some gloves on. Go.â
The waiter scurried off immediately; something uncomfortably hot and dense throbbed in your temples. Other waiting staff moved quietly about the hall, setting each seat as you had (more or less) instructed, and it was the lesser attention to detail that required your constant monitoring. A crying shame that your usual front of house brigade could not be present for this, the short notice rendering them unavailable and as such calling for a rental team from the only dubiously rated agency that could supply bodies enough to tend to a wedding. Beggars could not be choosers, you supposed. Neither could MaĂźtre dâs be saints, apparently.
âEâ Excuse meââ
Tapped on the shoulder by a timid girl with frightened eyes, you turned to her.
âYes?â
âThereâs, umâ Thereâs someone else here. To start.â
âTo start?â
âYâ Yes.â
âWeâre an hour away from service, what the fuck kind of time do they call this!?â
âSorry.â The girl flinched. âShould Iâ Heâs in the staff roomââ
âGo back to what you were doing,â you sighed. âIâll sort it.â
Without a second of delay, you started through the decorated hall, out to the corridor and towards the staff roomâ a rather ornately beautiful room that had been designated by venue staff for yours and Jihyoâs use. Breezing through the door and fully prepared to let loose a gasket or two at this (probably underserving) individual, you found the wind all but evaporated from your sails as you walked in on a most desirous sight. A man easily ten years your junior by his face, yet his body betrayed a strength that you had only dreamt of submitting to in the lonelier hours. His sun-kissed complexion caught the stream of soft light that sliced the room; raven black hair gathered in attractive curls over sharp eyes and pierced ears. He was mid-dress, the crisp white shirt of the uniform hanging on broad shoulders and open over slight waist and soft, slim middle. His trousers unzipped and loose clung to muscled thighs that naturally drew your eye to his groin, the bulky implication of which inspired a surge of heat that flushed your throat and cheeks.
Stunned, you stood in silence.
âCan I help?â he asked, amusement tickling his husky voice.
âIââ You gathered yourself; dignity and jaw from the floor. âYouâre late.â
He quirked a brow.
âService starts in an hour.â You tapped your wristwatch. âYou were supposed to be here at eight oâclock to help set up. Didnât the agency tell you that?â
âAgency?â
âI know their rates arenât great, but thatâs not an excuse for tardiness. Take it up with them, donât fuck us over by showing up late. A job is a job, right?â
He huffed softly. âRight.â
âI donât have time to brief you on everything now, butââ You moved as though to get closer with intention of showing him the seating plan, but thought immediately better of it on account of the semi-nakedness. âYâ You have hospitality experience?â
âA little.â
âYouâve waited tables before?â
âSort of.â
âServed drinks?â
He raked a cool, slow gaze from your top to toe. âI know how to serve.â
âFâ Fine.â Jesus. Was it excruciatingly hot in here suddenly? âYouâll be okay on the bar then?â
He nodded.
âGood.â You cleared your throat. âGet dressed and meet me in the hall, then.â
âYes, boss.â
With a puff of breath you about-faced and walked away, only recalling at the last, dazed moment to ask:
âWhatâs your name?â
He smiled sweetly. Your ovaries trembled with want.
âSeo Changbin.â
--
It had been an appallingly long time since you last rolled around with someone. What with working for Jihyo and moving into her building and everything in between, your feet hadnât touched the ground for a year.
Therein lay your justification for stealing glances at the charming tender: Changbin. And charming he was, for his smile and apparent easy disposition, coupled with his disarming good looks, seemed to have made waves among the singletons in attendance. Around the bar loitered a small gathering of men and women alike, their adoring gazes on him as he worked a source of much irritationâ much to your irritation. Jealousy over a man youâd exchanged a measly ten words with? Jihyo would rib you for days.
Throwing yourself into work seemed the most immediate remedy to the grating nuisance that was his presence: doting on the guests and keeping the agency staff in line, maintaining timings with the kitchen where Jihyo and her team slaved over perfect platters and delectable delights. So high were the spirits, so beaming were the smiles on the bride and groomsâ faces, you had begun to believe that the day might just be a roaring success.
Observing the buzzing hall from a quiet spot at the back, an enthused guest on the table nearest to you lifted a frosted martini glass to her glossed lips. Your brow furrowed; you looked at the guest next to her, who had a wine glass filled with warm red. The guest next to them had a short of whiskey, and next to them another glass of wine. With growing perplexment, you surreptitiously examined the other tables, and found that only a handful of guests were indulging in the speciality cocktails you had painstakingly developedâ odd, when they were supposed to be all that was on offer during dinner.
Making for the bar as gracefully as your simmering annoyance would allow, you ducked around the gaggle of guests propping it up and flagged down the tenderâ Changbin, you quickly noticed, was nowhere to be seen. The young tender hurried over, a cloth in his hands.
âWhatâs happening with the cocktails?â You spoke through a plastered smile. âNobodyâs drinking them. Theyâre supposed to be drinking them.â
The tender blinked at you, deer in the headlights.
âWhere is Changbin?â you asked instead.
âCigarette break.â
One word away from an incurable stress twitch, you about-faced and stalked out of the hall, hoping that he was at least possessed of the sense to go about his nasty habit somewhere out of sight of the guests. Presuming upon the closest fire exit, you pushed the heavy bar and stepped out to the rear access alley, where lo and behold, Seo Changbin reposed. His black tie was loosened and top few shirt buttons undone. His waistcoat hung open, and between his lips was perched a lit cigarette, the puffs of smoke drifting about him like admiring nymphs.
On your entrance, he made neither a sound nor movement. Thoroughly unbothered.
âYou arrived late,â you started strong. âAnd now you think youâre entitled to cigarette breaks?â
He scrunched his nose and plucked the cigarette from his mouth.
âIâm working harder than anyone here,â he said, voice thick.
âI donât think youâd know hard work if it batted its lashes at you and ordered a martini.â
He scoffed, bit his plush bottom lip, took another drag.
âWhy arenât you serving the guests my cocktails?â you asked bluntly.
âWhat?â
âTheyâre supposed to be drinking the special cocktails during dinner. They were picked out and put together specifically for each course to compliment the food. That was the whole point of them. Why arenât you serving them?â
âI'm supposed to say no when a guest orders something else?â
âYes.â
âThatâs not very hospitable.â
âI donât care. Youâre being paid to do a job. Do it properly.â
âAnd when they complain?â
âThey wonât.â
âRight.â He laughed. âYou knowââ He inhaled another drag, the smoke wisping from his lips. âYouâre wound awfully tight. You should try unclenching.â
âExcuse me?â
He flicked the burnt cigarette away, crushing the embers under his smart shoes. âRelax a little. Do you smoke?â
âNo. I donât. And youâre not to smoke again for as long as youâre here. I canât have my staff smelling like dirty ashtrays.â
âYour staff? I thought I was agency staff.â
âYou know what I meantââ
âDirty, scummy, bottom of the barrel agency staff.â
âIâve never said that.â
âDonât have to.â He looked you over incredulously. âYour face says it all.â
âFlattered, but please pay less attention to my face and more to your work.â
âReally?â He laughed, husky and thick. âHypocrite much?â
Adrenaline from the quick exchange centred in your chest, heat of mortification blooming amongst it. Changbin stared, his dark and narrow eyes seeming to see all beneath the managerial grandstandingâ it was true that heâd gone off script, turned up late, and continued to push your buttons with his laissez-faire attitude. Yet it was also true that he possessed a most carnal appeal, his figure and height and faceâall those things considered most conventionally shallow but that none are truly removed fromâtapping into those parts of you that throbbed with the mistress Desire. She had arrived. There would be no getting rid of her.
âThought I hadnât noticed?â
He strode towards you, the musk of cigarette smokeâdirty ashtrayâwafting closer. Hands in his slacks pockets, the tension of taut material accentuated the lean of his thighs.
âYouâve been eye-fucking me since I got here,â he said.
âIâ I donât know what youâre talking about.â
âOh, I donât hate it.â He smiled, wolfish and dazzling. Your heart lurched pathetically. âI much prefer the taste of older women.â
A scarlet inferno set upon you; you choked and took a step back, his sudden proximity seeming too much. Nonetheless, he would not relent, meeting your retreat with pursuit. At the fire door, he grabbed your wrist before you could slip through.
âTake your hand off meââ
Immediately, he did so, his instantaneous and unquestionable compliance rendering you somewhat aghast. He remained close, however, and kept his voice low as he said:
âLet me take you out for a drink.â
âWâ What?â
âLet me take you out,â he repeated smoothly.
âWhy?â
His dark eyes triangulated your featuresâ right eye to left eye to lips, where he fixed his gaze with a slow smile. âI like you.â
âYou donât even know me.â
âI know that youâre hot as fuck,â he whispered, so sultry as to make your head spin. âI know that you feel some kind of way about me. Isnât that enough? For now?â
From inside his open waistcoat, he retrieved an almost-empty biro. He glanced pointedly at your hand. âMay I?â
Your swallow and timid nod assented, and he took your hand from the door, tearing off the lid of the biro with his teeth, where he held it as he scrawled a series of numbers on the back of your palm. The black ink bled and splotched messily, but when he was done, you could clearly make out the digits. You stared dreamily at them, then at him as he recapped the biro and stowed it.
âIf youâre down, call me.â He grinned again, straightened his tie, buttoned his shirt and waistcoat. âBallâs in your court.â
He opened the fire door and slipped through, lingering near enough for you to smell the ash on his breath. He ducked and spoke in your ear, voice a meagre whisper, weighted with want.
âIâll make your pussy sing like a lead fucking soprano, sweetheart.â
--
One might harbour the impression that dinner at a Michelin star chefsâ personal abode would comprise of fancy dishes and only the best ingredients. Certainly, you were before Jihyo rather spectacularly dispelled the illusion.
Not to speak for all Michelin star chefs, dinner at your Michelin star chefsâ was a simple takeaway affair. Tonight, it was pizza. Perfect.
Jihyo munched on a slice of pepperoni, the stringy cheese peeling from the dough and hanging down her chin. A rerun episode of FriendsââThe One with the Footballââplayed out on her forty-inch LED, her tired eyes trained to it unwaveringly. You plucked a napkin from the coffee table and threw it at her face, laughing over your own pizza as she, without so much as blinking, picked it up from her lap and tucked it into her V-neck.
âRoss can so get it,â she eventually mumbled.
âThatâs gross.â
âHeâs a nerd,â she said. âNerds are where itâs at.â
âHeâs a dinosaur nerd.â
âA nerd is a nerd. Theyâre all cut from the same cloth, my friend.â
You scoffed. âDonât let them hear you say that. Youâll start a war.â
âLet them fight. May the strongest win and bear my children.â
You threw a scatter pillow at her; she merely cackled her delight.
âHey, on the subject of that though,â you said after swallowing gooey pizza.
Jihyoâs brows shot into her hairline. âChildren?â
âNo. God. Just, likeâ Men.â
âOh?â
âI might have met someone.â
Jihyo blinked. âMight have?â
âI mean; I did. Nothingâs come of it yet though.â
âWhy not?â
âI donât know. Iâm pretty sure heâs younger than me. Like; a lot younger.â
Jihyo rolled her eyes. âWhy does that matter? Older men can fuck younger women, but we canât get ours? Forever doomed to be spinsters?â
You hummed your agreement; hardly a hangup that would be fixed today, but she was right nonetheless.
âWhere did you meet?â she asked.
âAt the wedding.â
âWow. Hitting on the guests? And here I thought you were a professional priss,â she ribbed gently.
âHe wasnât aââ
âDid you get his number?â
You nodded. âHe gave it to me.â
âAnd you havenât called him?â
âNo.â
âDo you want to?â
You pursed your lips. Jihyo heaved a weary sigh, methodically removed her pizza box from her lap to the floor, and slid across the sofa to sit beside you. She did much the same with your pizza box, then took your hands gently, a stern expression of concern on her features.
âYou are going to call that young man, and you are going to invite him to dine at your cougar fountain,â she said coolly.
âCougar whatââ
âBecause if you donât, dear friend, I'll take that number off your hands and he can do a little gobbling at mine. Howâs that?â
You wheezed and with a grimace, snatched your hands back.
âFine. Point taken,â you sighed, rising from the sofa.
âWhere are you going?â
âTo the bathroom, asshole.â You held your cheese-sticky hands up. âYou eat like a toddler!â
Your best friendâs delighted guffaws faded as you ambled down the marbled, lit corridor. Said bathroom was a constant source of envy and so seldom visited if you could help it; a stunning Grecian affair of white and aqua tiles, a waterfall shower with a no-fuss temperature dial, and a toilet whose lid opened on proximity. She had worked for it, you reminded yourself as you went about your business and washed your hands. And it was during this mundanity that you noticed something thoroughly bizarre: Jihyoâs pink electric toothbrush, perched in its wall-mounted holder, was not alone. Next to it sat a black toothbrush of the very same modelâ and not only that! On the sink was a dark tube of facial exfoliating gel, the beads of which were surely too harsh for Jihyoâs smooth, feminine skin. A used, five-bladed razor was upturned on the counter, a canister of shaving foam alongside it and a can of deodorant scented cedarwood and vanilla. Glancing down, a pair of hefty grey slippers were tucked under the unit, and on the heated rack were more towels than one person could ever reasonably expect to use.
Something was afoot. Something secret. Something male.
Bewildered, you left the bathroom and started back down the corridor, stopping at the front porch whereupon you discovered yet further evidenceâ size eleven trainers and a bulky raincoat hanging from the coat rack.
With conviction, you stormed back to the living room, where Jihyo was contentedly polishing off the remainder of her pizza to the rolling credits of Friends. On your hasty entrance, she looked alarmed.
âDidnât shit yourself, did you?â
âDo you have a boyfriend?â
Jihyo hacked and coughed on her food. âWâ What?â
âA boyfriend,â you insisted, gesticulating wildly. âThereâs man-stink all over this house.â
âMan-stink?â
âAll the menâs products in the bathroom! The big ass shoes in the porch! Either youâre making a really big decision throughout which I will of course, naturally, love and support you completely, orââ You swarmed on her, wrestling and poking and prodding to her screeches of despair. âYou have a fucking boyfriend, you sneakyââ
âStop! Please! Itâs notââ She managed to grab your wrists long enough to say her piece. âItâs not what you think. Not even close.â
âLiar! And we were just talking about men. How could you!?â
âNo!â She shrieked, manoeuvring like a slippery worm from under you, knees hitting the marble floor where she scrambled away.
âCome back here!â
âWait!â She stood and held her hands up, the mutual stances of attack and defence taken on. âLet me explain.â
âI canât believe you didnât tell me. You suck.â
âBitch, let me get a word in!â She laughed. âThere is no man. I have no time for man. We know this.â
You eyed her warily and folded your arms. âSo? How do you explain all theââ
âMy brotherâs in town. Heâs staying with me.â
Oh.
Oh?
You gawped at your best friend. âYou have a brother?â
Jihyo laughed, defensive stance dropped. âYes.â She pushed her glasses back from her face. âI thought I told you that.â
âDefinitely never mentioned a brother.â
âTechnically heâs my half-brother. Different dads. But, yeah, heâs a thing that exists.â
âIs he hot?â
âEw, no. Why would you ask me that?â
âMorbid curiosity.â
âGod, stop. No, he is not hot. Never. And if he is, he isnât. Donât even go there. Thereâs not enough therapy in the world.â
You laughed wickedly. âIs he older? Younger?â
She rubbed her eyes, set her glasses back on her nose. âYounger. Much.â
âWaitââ You scurried towards her. âIs he here? Would he have heardââ You gestured around, reference to prior wrestling chaos implied.
âNah, weâre fine. Heâs out. Working.â
âWhat does he do?â
âAnything and everything. Odd jobs, whatever pays cash. Heâs even worked for me before,â she snorted. âIâll introduce you eventually.â
Not so devious a conspiracy after all.
âAlright,â you sighed. âWell. No boyfriend. Crisis averted.â
What famous last words.
--
It wasnât the restaurant you would have chosen.
Youâd have far preferred an Italian bistro or a back-alley gastropub. Somewhere that would allow you to get a decent reign on the tumult of emotions that threatened either to send you into giddy hysteria or send you home sick. As it stood, this was neither a bistro nor a gastropub, but an energetic, buzzing hive. A Japanese eatery situated in and amongst the downtown nightlife, where order numbers were scribbled on paper table settings and tray after tray of steaming hot food whizzed by, carried by enthusiastic youngsters as yet content with minimum wage. Tables were not tables at all, but rather long, shared benches on which patrons were packed in like sardines. Bare bulbs hung from suspended wires in glowing, artistic clusters, and the faux-paper walls complimented the faux-tatami floors. The chopsticks splintered when snapped, and the glasses could have done with a polish or three.
Againâ not the restaurant you would have chosen, but you asked him to choose, and so had no right to much complain.
Twenty minutes after the agreed time of meeting, he arrived with a blast of chill air. A snug leather jacket hugged his arms and chest, and his dark jeans were finished with chunky combat boots. You watched with growing trepidation as he entered and shook himself of the cold, plucking the sunglasses from his face. He looked around, and on sighting you, broke into a wide grin, navigating easily through the bustle to your allocated bench, where he leaned over the table to kiss your right cheek softly.
âThought youâd never call,â he said.
âThought youâd never turn up,â you countered, bark distinctly lacking bite. âYou do own a device to tell the time with, donât you?â
He chuckled gently. âEasy, boss. Weâre not at work now.â
You rolled your eyes, unable to muster much more indignance than that. You could let him off. Wouldnât be the first time. He slipped his jacket off and draped it over the bench beside him, the clean white cotton of his shirt stark against his deep complexion. The very same illicit want that bloomed the first time you caught sight of him returned like an old friend, and therein a measure of your anxiety was dispelled: you hadnât been sure of it, back then. Still arenât, to a degree. This is a start.
âIâm glad you called,â he said. âIn case it wasnât clear.â
âMy best friend convinced me you were a good idea.â
His smile hardened oddly at the mention, but soon relaxed. âCool. Remind me to thank bestie then.â
He fiddled with his wristwatch and glanced up and down the busy bench. To your right was a couple engaged in quiet chatter. To your left sat a father and son, the little boy picking warily at the dumplings on his plate.
âWhat do you think?â he asked. âNice place, right?â
You shrugged. âSure.â
âUh oh.â
âWhat?â
âYou hate it.â
You shook your head with a laugh. âI donât hate it. Itâs just not what Iâm used to.â
âWhat are you used to?â he asked, dark eyes settled on you.
âI, umââ You shifted, suddenly warm. âSomething quieter, I guess? If I go to dinner, I make a night of it. Feels like everyone here is just filling up before heading somewhere else.â
Changbin nodded slowly, pursed his doll lips. âOkay.â
âI know itâs boring. I am boring.â
His brow furrowed under his curls, and in the next instant, he reached across the table and took your clammy hand.
âYou're not boring.â
Your breath caught with the detection of callouses on his palms. Of course, heâd have them. Look at him.
âYouâre on a date with your subordinate,â he said. âIâd say thatâs pretty daring.â
Already overstimulated and now dazed to the point of confusion, you could only mumble: âMy... What?â
âYouâre my boss, right? I answer to you.â
âThat was justâ It was one shift. You were agency. Iâm not your boss.â
He licked his lips and smirked, gaze dropping. âIâm down for a little roleplay if you are, sweetheart.â
At that moment, a bubbly, blonde-haired employee bounced up to your bench, a notepad and pink crayon in hand.
âNamaste! Are you guys ready to order tonight? I can recommend theââ
Changbin rose abruptly, slung his leather jacket over his shoulder.
âWe were just leaving,â he said, and with a pointed glance to you, âLetâs get out of here.â
--
How violent Jihyoâs applause would be if she could see you now: halfway undressed in a strange manâs hotel room, pinned to a wall and content to stay there.
âGod, youâre so hot,â he mumbled into your throat, already slick with his open-mouthed affection. He roamed your naked top half, the satisfyingly soft scrape of his callouses across your skin bringing you to arch into him, to grasp at his broad shoulders, still frustratingly clothed.
âTell me how you like it,â he whispered, breath hot on your skin.
âOff.â You tugged pathetically at his shirt. âTake this off.â
His compliance came with a wolfish grin at your desperation, and he rolled the shirt up and over his body, tossing it to the hotel carpet. Sliding your hands greedily down his beautifully rounded chest, Changbin shuddered when your fingertips skimmed his pert, pink nipples, gooseflesh breaking on his arms. The firm tell of muscle made much of his frame, but the breadth of his stomach was soft: all the more mouth-watering to drop to your knees and smother in kisses, your nose pressed to the quick flesh. Gentle hands swept vagrant hair strands from your face as the demoness Desire drove you to frantically unbuckle and unzip his jeans, tugging them down his thighs, then to ankles. Tight black boxers did comically little to conceal the growth of his lust, and where he leaked, the cotton did stain.
A wanting glance up at the man who watched you with abyssal eyes: he nodded.
âYeah, baby. You can taste.â
As keen to please as to finally take him on your tongue, sinking over him was easy. Hard and heavy in your mouth, Changbin groaned with raspy delight, and it was in the act of worshipping him so that you soon forgot any and all anxiety pertaining to age or familiarity or the speed with which you found yourself here. The man blushed and panted, the tummy that you so suddenly adored tightening to the print of slight abs with his heaving breaths. His saltine pleasure tinctured your breath and tongue as you smoothly sucked him, so slick the glide and delicious the sight of his impending euphoria.
âNgh, shitââ He gently lifted you from his length, swept his thumbs over your soiled mouth. âEasy, baby. Youâll make me come.â
You licked your abused lips. âIsnât that the point?â
âNot like this. Can you stand?â
You did so in answer, knees throbbing with the rough grate of carpet burn. Changbin kissed you sweetlyâfar too sweetly given the filthy circumstanceâand turned you carefully towards the whitewashed wall.
âLike this?â he asked softly, kissing your shoulder, bending you at the hip just so.
You nodded, pulse roaring in your ears, and on your assent the man availed you of your skirt.
âKeep the heels on,â he mumbled, gently kicking your legs apart.
So presented for him, he dropped to his knees, thumbs softly prying your delicate sensitivity apart for his long, thick tongue to penetrate. A queer sensation to be so revered from behind, but every insistent swipe nudged and caressed you from trembling clit to puckered hole, his bravery eliciting a din of comforting white noise. So confident in handling your body, the insertion of a thick finger threatened your knees to buckleâ he kept you supported against the wall, spoke low in your ear.
âYou have no idea how good you look like this, boss.â
âBâ Binââ
âIâll do a good job. Earn my keep. Promise.â
Your listless whine betrayed your bursting desire for him as fingers withdrew: such sorrow need not have been entertained, however, for in the next instant a thick and solid breaching set upon you, so slowly as to have you holding your breath and drawing tight. With patience better fitting religious men, he held you at the small of your back and swell of hip, sinking gently until your bodies, flush and connected, were one.
âOh, fuckââ His breath drew out the wanton curse, his hips stuttering as, experimentally, he drew back and pushed in.
âOh my godâ Binââ
This wall would not be support enough for the train this man then proceeded to run on you, so poor and unsuspecting as to his true nature of volcanic strength and unrelenting passion. Changbin fucked you the way that only your cheap erotica novels told ofâ the way that real women wish their fictional men to fuck and to love, thus setting the standard so unthinkably high, it is of more detriment than harmless fun.
There was nothing harmless about Seo Changbin.
He would ruin you and your world, and you would crave him all the while, for Desire had done her dirty work.
Desire would speak her last word.
--
The scene you arrived home to, one chilly September evening a week on from the best sex of your life, must have been karmic.
A punishment, you rather thought. That you dared to be so bold as to let a younger man have his way with you (and what a delicious way it was) had been your first mistake. That you had thought of nothing but a second rendezvous since that illustrious night was your second. The third was surely the tentative relief that had begun to bloom on the notion that you might just have found someone. A real someone. Your someone.
Now the only âsomeoneâ you had need of was a plumber.
The entirety of your small kitchen was steeped in three or so inches of dirty, yellow water, the cabinets under your sink thoroughly warped. After the screams and frantic alarm, youâd had the sense to shut the water main off, but the damage had already been done, and so not only were you wonderfully flooded, you were also without any water, thus rendering your apartment utterly uninhabitable.
Such was your weepy explanation to Jihyo, and immediate was her offer of tenancy, which in truth, you had been exclusively relying on. Down from the penthouse she whizzed to help you with two suitcases crammed full of whatever you thought to grab in your stressed and emotional state, but not before she poked her head in to assess the state of things.
âHoly shit,â sheâd balked. âItâs like water world in here!â
With no small amount of effort and a well-placed (so Jihyo would claim) joke or two, you made it to the penthouse of the building, and were shown to one of four spare bedrooms your dear friend possessed. Just because.
âYou like this one?â she asked as she hauled your case to the naked mattress.
âLike it? Itâs bigger than my entire apartment.â
âExaggeration doesnât suit you, bestie.â
âWhoâs exaggerating?â
Jihyo snorted. âIâll go get you some sheets and towels and whatever the hell else you need.â
âThanks.â
With a wink, she started from the room, but then stopped abruptly.
âOhâ Before I forget,â she said around the door frame. âMy brother will be here tonight.â
âAh. The elusive Park sibling. Cool. Iâve been wanting to meet him.â
âHeâs not a Park. I told you, remember? Different dads.â
You made a sound of realisation, unzipping the first case. âRight. You did.â
âYouâll see him tonight, anyway,â she said, disappearing from the frame and padding away.
âWhatâs he then if heâs not a Park?â you called, loud enough for her to hear.
Jihyoâs voice rang clear and bright down the marble corridor.
âSeo!â
Seo.
Seo?
Your finger caught snug in the path of the zipper, a sharp pain nipping the flesh, drawing blood. You felt not a thing.
Seo.
Oh, God.
--
But it was a popular enough surname, wasnât it?
Of course it was. There must be millionsâ hundreds of millions of people that possessed the surname âSeoâ. This was nothing but an odd coincidence. There was no possible way he could beâ
âYou alright over there?â
You blinked to clarity. âWâ What?â
âI've never once seen you leave my jajangmyeon untouched,â Jihyo mumbled. âAre you sick?â
âNo.â You set the lukewarm bowl down, your hands tingling with residual heat. âIâm not so hungry, actually.â
âCool. More for me!â
She reached over and stabbed her chopsticks into the sticky noodle clump, dragging the bowl across the marble towards her. With the way your stomach churned anxiously, you could hardly even watch her eat it, let alone consider doing so yourself. You longed to ask for specifics: what time would her brother be home? What was his name? How old was he? Did he moonlight as a bartender for a living? Was he the guy youâd unceremoniously fucked on the first date?
Yet no such questions left you. How could they?
The sluggish ticking of the clock seemed ever slower with each passing minute. It was near the hour of midnight that mercy finally came. Over the mumble of the movie Jihyo had picked out to watch, you heard the electronic sounding of the front door lock. Your heart seized, skin prickling with icy anticipation. Jihyo barely looked up from the television.
âHeâs back,â she mumbled.
The scrape of slippers over laminate carried closer, each second bestowing relief with the dawning ridiculousness of your anxiety: there was no earthly possibility that this man could be him. No cosmic strings existed that could arrange such an insane and unlikely encounter. It would be too cruel. Too complicated. Tooâ
Oh, God.
Oh fucking no.
Even the dim, moody penthouse lighting could not conceal the silhouette you knew intimately well. Broad of shoulder and chest, he trudged into the living room, tearing off his snapback and detangling by finger his thick, black curls. His dark clothes were stained with dirt and dust, his skin streaked black where the material did not cover. Your gut sunk to unfathomable depths. A wave of sickness became you, so strong as to force your hand to your mouth in safeguarding. On sight of you, he caught himself, his eyes fatigued with long hours cleared by startlement as he stopped and for all of several seconds that felt like endless hours, stared.
Jihyo burst into a cackle and clapped, which seemed at least enough to bring Changbin back to himself.
âYou look like youâve seen a ghost!â She wheezed.
âYou didnât tell me we were having company,â he said flatly.
If only the ground would but open and swallow you whole.
âI did text you, actually,â Jihyo replied. âItâs not my fault you never check them.â
âI was at work.â
âRight. What was it today?â
He gestured to his dishevelled and mucky state. âWhat do you think?â
âLabouring?â She rose from the sofa, moving quickly to where he lingered at the kitchen island. âI told you; I donât like you going down there, itâs not safeââ
âItâs a construction site, Ji.â
âA construction site that almost killed you last time. Just come and work for me again, yeah? You did a great job at the wedding.â
Oh, God. The fucking wedding. She must have given him the job; whatever pays in cash, to quote her words. You had assumed he was agency, and while heâd never confirmed he was, he also hadnât corrected you.
Changbin shook his head with a grimace. âI donât want to bartend.â And flashed a glance at you. âI donât have the patience for it.â
âYou can wait tables.â
He looked at her, unimpressed.
âYou can work in the kitchen.â
âWith you or for you?â he laughed. âEither way thatâs a recipe for disaster and you know it.â
âIâll find something for you to do, Bin. Justââ
âHow about we bicker later, yeah?â he said. âArenât you going to introduce me?â
Introduce.
Jihyo turned to you, as though having forgotten you were even there. If only.
âRight!â She clapped. âBestie, this is brother. You can call him Changbin. Brother; bestie.â
You forced a smile, hoping that the way your core throbbed was only clear to you.
âItâs nice to meet you.â
Changbin smirked.
âNice to meet you, too.â
--
Well. That settled it.
You couldnât stay here. Couldnât stay in the country, really, now that your worst fears had been confirmed. Jihyo would never forgive you, and not only for corrupting her younger brother, but for the desperate want and wish to do so again. It was almost enough to overmaster the guilt; this hot and throbbing desire that clawed your flesh and cut your sense to ribbons as you peripherally watched the man move methodically around the kitchen, preparing himself something to eat.
Jihyo yawned at your side and stretched out, the final credits of the movie you hadnât attended to even a second of rolling across the television.
âThink I'm going to turn in,â she said, rising and scratching her tummy. âYouâll be alright here?â
âIâll survive somehow,â you laughed gently, to which Jihyo smiled.
She blew you a kiss and padded away, patting Changbinâs shoulder as she passed him. âNight, kid.â
âGoodnight,â he replied softly, still tending to the gently sizzling pan.
At the corridor arch, she stopped and turned back, warm gaze flicking from you to her brother. âHey. My two favourite people are under my roof tonight,â she grinned. âCould get used to it.â
With a giggle, she spun and strode off, her laughter carrying lightly down the hall.
Whatever your chance of going to hell, it surely just multiplied tenfold.
A thick and weighted silence blanketed the room as Jihyoâs bedroom door distantly closed; it felt all too quickly like you couldnât breathe. Changbin kept with what he was doing, neither a glance nor word offered. Perhaps, like you, he didnât know where to start. Perhaps he simply didnât care. Another notch on his bedpost occasioned no more attention than the others, after all. Loathe to entertain either possibility and uncomfortable in your own skin, you rose and headed to the glass sliding doors of the balcony that overlooked the city, slipping quickly out.
Crisp night air caressed you entirely and was an immediate salve to the discontent. The penthouse view offered an unhindered panorama of the twinkling city, so far-reaching that it seemed to frame your worries differently: to put them into perspective. Gripping the cool metal balustrade of the balcony, you closed your eyes and took a lungful of fresh air, your diaphragm swelling and calming on the slow exhale.
You heard the glass door slide open slowly. Felt the warmth of dizzying heat at your back. Shuddered as calloused palms rounded your hips and settled over your tummy, closing you in a gentle embrace.
âFancy seeing you here, boss,â he whispered, hot against the shell of your ear. âIf I didnât know better I might think you were stalking me.â
âBut you do know better,â you said, doing a most pathetic job of keeping the tremble from your voice. âYouâve always known better, havenât you?â
âIâm sure I donât know what you mean.â
âYou knew I worked for your sister.â
Changbin hummed. âWe both worked the wedding. I figured.â
âDid you know we were best friends?â
A moment of silence, his hands found yours and took them, trapping you in the snug hold.
âI did.â
âChangbinââ
âWhy should it stop us?â he hissed, gravel in his voice. âYou know as well as I do that thereâs something here.â He flexed his arms around you; your insides coiled with want. âSomething more.â
âYouâre my best friendâs little brother.â
âAnd? Does that change how you feel about me?â
âIt changes everything.â
He chuckled low. âNot everything, sweetheart. Your body still buzzes when I touch you.â
Soft lips traced the side of your throat, his frame so close around you, hot and solid. That a younger man could make you feel so helplessly vulnerable should not have been possible, and yet Changbin continued to subvert your every expectation.
âYou want me,â he said. âI know it.â
âDoesnât matter. We canâtââ
âDo you want to?â
âChangbin, youâre not listening. We canâtââ
A quick yelp slipped from you as the man sunk his teeth to the juncture of your shoulder, a sharp nip that left the skin tingling and moist.
âYouâre the one thatâs not listening,â he said. âIâm asking if you want me.â
Breathless with his attentions, aware that his hands were now gliding ever lower from your stomach to hips, hips to thighs, your exasperation was short-lived.
âYes,â you whispered. âI want you more than Iâve ever wanted anything.â
Changbin grinned against your skin, patient hands making work of dropping your comfortable sweats and dipping to where you achedâ to where you had ached since his last soothing visit.
âWasnât so hard, was it?â He licked from your jaw to earlobe. âNow Iâll show you something that is.â
Changbin teased and touched and kept you so locked in his arms that not once during his ravishment were you allowed to look upon his face. Glittering urban landscape stretched out before you as he dropped to his knees and took to oral worship, and once sated of his fill took you over the metal balustrade. Your pants and groans of illicit delight carried over midnight air, the nip of chill he kept you shielded from by his arms strong around you. Incessant was the nagging that, at any moment, Jihyo could venture into the living room and through the glass bear witness to the sight of her brother gently pounding her best friend to the viewing pleasure of the city, and perhaps it was this regressively attractive thought that pushed you to orgasm once on the manâs tongue, a second time on his thick cock.
When the deed was done, Changbin kissed you sweetly and held you close. Head on his chest, the steady thump of his heart bounded strong under your ear, and the carnality of excitement melted to a gentle, moonlit afterglow.
âDonât push me away,â he whispered. âBecause I wonât go.â
Silence fell, and the bustle of the city far below in its frantic throes of life did much to soothe. Perhaps it wouldnât be so vast a sin to fall for him. Perhaps all would be well.
Perhaps you were thinking wishfully, pathetically, selfishly.
--
 While under your best friendâs roof, her hospitality was not the only thing you sought to take advantage of.
Much of the next few days transpired with your pitiful sneaking aroundâ how low the once so dignified had sunk. What was not so pitiful were the ways in which Changbin took you, and if there was ever any doubt as to which way you were falling, the quicksand at your feet made you sensible to it: you were sinking quickly, with no hope of a rescue. Changbin was unlike any other man you had yet engaged with, and you were frighteningly aware of the parts of you that he was slowly, irreversibly changing. Your body so attuned to his touch and trained to his wants would not be an easy thing to detoxify. Your heart so open and wanting would not be susceptible to close. Your life, so seemingly bland before him, would not be simple to colourise. And there was no doubt that there would be a need for detoxifying, closing and colourising, for whatever else this thing with him was, it most certainly wasnât permanent.
On your knees in Jihyoâs Grecian bathroom at three in the morning was least among your preferred rendezvous points, but for Changbin, allowances were made. The man watched with an intense darkness as you worked the length of him with your lips, his shaft so slippery with your saliva as to make the glide most beautifully pleasurable. Stifling his wanton groans around his fist, the other hand kept hair strands from hindering his view of you. Through damp lashes you blinked up at him, ferociously eager to please and see that you were pleasingâ Changbin hummed in sweet delight, âFeels so good, sweetheart. Fuckâ Want to come in your pretty mouth.â
Such filthy sentiment would normally repulseâblatant pornography did not so much appeal to your age-softened soulâbut for Changbin? Well; allowances. With renewed conviction and alight at the prospect of bringing him to euphoria, you hollowed your cheeks and closed your lips snug around him, drawing up and sucking down to his base, the head of his cock lodging the back of your throat when your bravery peaked. With a shudder and muffled moan, Changbin drew tight and fisted your hair, the last frayed threads of his composure snapping in time with his hips. Mindful of your state, he kept his thrusts controlled, the flex of muscled thighs speaking to a power that could no doubt leave your throat bruised should it be unleashed. Nonetheless, the man soon weakened and his motions stuttered, the swell of his rigid cock in your mouth presaged the warm leaking on your tongue. Viscous and salty, so far from pleasant, but keenly did you accept it from him. Again: allowances.
Blushed and out of sorts as he was, the man lifted you from your knees, kissed your mouth and cheeks and forehead and crowded you against the sink with fierce intentions of returning the favour: you held an insistent hand against his chest.
Confused, he pulled back. âEverything okay?â he asked.
âFine.â You nodded. âJustâ Bad timing.â
âJihyo sleeps like the dead, she wonât hear usââ
âThatâs not what I meant.â
His brow furrowed; you directed a pointed glance over his shoulder to the utility rack near the toilet, where a cardboard pack of tampons was opened.
âOh.â He made a sound of realisation, worried his bottom lip a moment, then shrugged. âIâm down if you are.â
Had the shock of the offer not wrenched from you a hog-like snort of laughter, you might have noticed he was entirely serious.
âBehave. Thatâs not pleasant for anybody,â you said with a playful slap to his shoulder.
âWeâll agree to disagree on that one.â
âWaitâ Youâd really have sex with me on my period?â
Changbin blinked. âSure.â
âWow. The youth of today,â you laughed thoughtlessly, utterly oblivious to how his face had hardened as you planted a kiss on his cheek and made to leave the bathroom. A rough grip on your wrist stopped you from doing so.
âWhat the hell is that supposed to mean?â he snapped.
âWhat?â
âYouth of today?â he mock-repeated. âAs if my age dictates anything about me.â
You shook your head, baffled. âChangbin, that wasnât what Iâ It was just a thoughtless comment.â
âDonât lie. Youâre implying that because I'm younger than you, I'm reckless. Stupid. The kind of young idiot that would enjoy period sex.â
âI mean; what weâre doing is reckless, but thatâs notââ
âOh yeah? You werenât so concerned about that when you were bouncing on my dick, sweetheart.â
You snatched your wrist back from him. âWhat would you know of my concerns? Just because I'm sleeping with you doesnât mean I'm not worried about it. Every time we do this, I'm on pins.â
âWhy? Because Jihyo might catch us? At this point part of me wishes she would,â he hissed.
âItâs not just Jihyo.â
âThen what?â
Pinned under his insistent glare, it seemed the truth of things refused to be spoken. For all that Changbin was loving and kind, he possessed a streak of fiery determination that threatened to overshadow your own.
He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and stepped back. Perching on the side of the pristine soaking tub, he granted you space.
âTalk to me,â he said, sans the earlier heat.
âI just... There are things I'm not proud of. Things that I never would have compromised on before you.â
âLike what?â
âThe age gap, for one.â
Changbin rolled his eyes.
âI know you think that my impression of you is formed by your age, but it isnât. The way I think about you has nothing to do with how old you are. I think about you the way a lovesick teen thinks about her first crush, for fuckâs sake. Itâs ridiculous.â
Changbin swallowed, eyes softening. âWhy is it ridiculous?â
âBecause Iâm at a place in my life where Iâm looking for something more. Something forever. I donât necessarily want children right now, but one day I might, and that day will come far sooner than yours will.â
His gaze fell.
âThe sex, secondly,â you said, voice hoarse. âItâs... different. Iâve gone from perpetual vanilla to all flavours imaginable, and itâs been completely exhilarating, but a part of me is ashamed. I canât shake the feeling that these things weâre doing, the things you make me feel... theyâre not for me. Theyâre supposed to be for fearless youth and beauty in its prime and I'm just invading the space like an unwanted pest.â
Changbinâs jaw hardened as his brow set into a frown. âNow thatâs ridiculous,â he mumbled.
âI know. I do know that. But I canât reconcile it. Iâm sneaking around and lying to my best friend and letting you get away with things that would have been deal breakers for me before.â
âDeal breakers?â
âYou knew what I was to Jihyo. You knew the whole time, but didnât say a word. You lied to me.â
Changbin grimaced. âI didnât lie to you. I just didnât tell you.â
âA lie of omission is still a lie.â
âIf Iâd told you who I was, you wouldnât have wanted anything to do with me.â
You almost laughed. âBut thatâs not true, is it? Look at us. Look at what weâre doing. I know exactly who you are and I still spread my legs for you. I make all these concessions that I would never have dreamed of doing for anyone else, but for you, I donât think twice.â
âSo, what?â He snapped. âIâm a bad influence?â
âOn me, yes. You know that.â
He scoffed a breath, ran his hands through his black curls and dragged them down his face with a groan.
âAlright. Iâm sorry I didnât come clean about who I was,â he said. âIâm sorry I force you to compromise on whatâs important to you. Iâm sorry I fuck you so well you canât stand it. Iâm sorryââ
You swiftly crossed the bathroom and grasped his face with both hands, planting a hard kiss to his pretty lips. The grin that spread out across your mouth as his arms wound around your hips (for he was still perched on the tub) told of his mischievous streak. The man would drive you stark raving mad before anything else.
âYouâre thinking about it all too much,â he said softly when your lips parted. âWhat weâre doing feels right because it is right. That's all it should come down to.â He stood and kept you close, smoothing hair from your face. âAs for the sneaking around and lying... we can stop.â
Alarm lighting up your face brought him to a chuckle.
âI mean that we should tell Jihyo the truth.â
âReally?â
He shrugged. âWhatâs the worst that could happen?â
âShe could disown both of us and throw us out and never want anything to do with us ever again?â
Changbin nodded with a long sigh. âRight. That is the worst.â
--
When morning came it did so to the brilliant vibrancy of coral pink and soft orange. Watching dawn bloom through the glass walls of Jihyoâs penthouse felt a privilege undeserved; perhaps this would be the last time you ever did see it.
Changbin had stayed up the night with you, and had talked no more of the impending anxiety of what you were about to do. He talked instead of his and Jihyoâs childhood, of their parents and their lives, of his pursuit of fitness in America before returning home only several months ago, too sick with longing to stay away. Easy to relax to the gravelly tones of his voice and his mindless attentions of hand and lips, but the moment colour began to break through the night, silence took you both.
âItâll be okay,â he whispered.
You nodded, glad that at least one of you was hopeful.
Jihyoâs bedroom door opened distantly, and with it, came the panic. Your heart took to a steady, strong pounding, exacerbated with her nearing steps until she appeared from the hallway, dishevelled and still bed-warm.
On the sight of you and her brother already awake, she stopped and rubbed her eyes. She mumbled something, then cleared her throat.
âIs this an intervention?â she croaked.
âMorning,â you smiled, albeit forced.
Changbin rose from the sofa and moved to her, taking her first in a soft hug. Jihyo blinked, thoroughly bewildered.
âOkay. What the heck is going on?â
âCome sit down,â Changbin said, leading her to where heâd been sat.
âDid someone die? Iâm not awake enough for this.â
Changbin deposited her on the sofa and crouched in front of her, her hands clasped gently in his.
âI have something to tell you,â he began quietly. âAnd I want you to really try and hear me when I say it.â
Jihyoâs face drew sombre; well enough did she know her brother to be sure of his sincerity.
âWhatâs the matter? Are you in some kind of trouble?â
âNo, no.â He shook his head. âItâs nothing like that. Itâs...â He glanced at you, gestured with his head for you to come over from the window. You did so slowly, heart in your throat. Confused, Jihyo looked between you.
âItâs something I should have told you a while ago, but... Well. Iâm sure youâll understand why I didnât.â
âOkay...?â
And with a deep breath, Changbin simply said it:
âIâm in love with your best friend, Ji.â
At first, the words were spoken and formed and merely floated about the marbled room lit by early sunlight, waiting to be grasped and understood. When you did, tears pricked and your breath caught hopelessly.
When Jihyo did, she blinked and went pale. After a second, she burst into a snort of laughter. âYou knowââ She slapped his shoulder. âI must be going nuts, because I swear it just sounded like you said youâre in love with my bestââ
âI am, Jihyo. I love her.â
She fumbled and swallowed, the humour melting away. She looked to you, distress in her hazel eyes.
âIt just happened,â you whispered to her unspoken questions. âIâm sorry.â
âBâ But youâreââ She shook her head. âHeâs notââ She stood up and shrugged off her brotherâs attempts to calm her. âReally? You two?â
 You nodded. Changbin folded his arms obstinately.
âHow?â she hissed. âWhen?
âRemember when I told you I'd met someone?â
Jihyo balked. âYou were talking about my brother?â
âI didnât know he was your brother. If Iâd known I never would haveââ You stopped yourself short, caught Changbinâs stern eye. Youâd promised to tell the truth. âNo. I still would have chased him. Even if I'd known. Heâs not like anyone I've ever met. Heâsââ
âHeâs my little fucking brother,â Jihyo snapped. âMy family.â
âIâm also a grown ass man in my own right, Ji, and I know what I want,â Changbin said. âWe wanted your blessing, but we donât need it.â
âOh yeah? Do you need my roof over your head? Do you need my money?â
Changbinâs nostrils flared, but before too much more damage could be done, you intervened. Rushing to your best friend and entreating her, you took her hand.
âYou know how much you mean to me, donât you?â you asked. âHow much I owe to you? How much I love you?â
Jihyo remained stoically silent, her lips pressed thin, her eyes trained to the wall.
âI would never put our friendship at risk if it wasnât for something equally as important,â you continued. âAnd I do need your blessing. I need to know that youâre okay with me having this, because if youâre not, I'll walk away from it.â
âYou will?â
âOf course.â
âBut... Donât you love him?â
You swallowed over the sticky emotion in your throat, and offered a gentle nod. Hard to know if it truly was love that you felt, but you imagined it to be as close as youâd ever before ventured, and that had to count for something.
âHave you thought this through?â she asked. âLike, really?â
âI have.â
âItâs not justââ She lowered her disappointed voice. âItâs not just sex?â
Mortified but committed, you shook your head. âItâs not.â
âAnd what about everything else?â she pressed.
Aware enough of what it was she implied, you nodded again. The age gap, the differences, the tumultuous clutch of Desire, the heart-breaking possibilities and everything in betweenâ you had considered it all, and knew that the sweet promise of what life could be with him was worth the risk.
âYes.â
Jihyo sighed and looked at you, and in her eyes the icy resentment had thawed to something far gentler; something you were more accustomed to seeing in her.
âItâs going to take some getting used to,â she said.
Hope fluttered in your chest.
âAnd thereâs going to be some bloody ground rules if you both intend to stay here,â she added. âNot that I donât doubt youâve already broken them.â She shuddered, and then loud enough for her brother to hear: âHave you fucked on every surface or am I safe to have some damn breakfast?â
Changbin cackled and grinned, closing his sister in another tight hug that you made way for.
âGet your damn hands off me,â she laughed gently, swatting him away. âI donât know where theyâve been.â
âYou kind of do, actually,â he said.
Jihyo retched dramatically, spinning on her heel and making for the corridor. At the archway, she stopped and turned back.
Pointing a finger at you, she said, âIf you hurt him, I'll cut you into tiny pieces and serve you as a hors d'oeuvre.â
She directed the same finger at Changbin and said, âIf you hurt her, I'll slice off your bollocks and use them as a wine skin.â
She grinned broadly. âGot it?â
âYes, maâam.â
âSure.â
âExcellent. Now if youâll excuse me, your sister-in-law is going back to fucking bed. Goodnight.â
With a flourishing wave, she marched off, leaving you to the reality of what just transpired. Changbin rushed you and heaved you into his arms like the princess he would evermore treat you as.
âHow was that?â he asked excitedly between kisses. âNot so bad, right?â
âReally thought she was going to kill us for a minute there.â
âShe still might.â
âWhat?â
âWell; I mean. We havenât fucked on every surface.â
You eyed him warily, heat pooling in your gut. âAnd...?â
âAnd, she thinks we have.â
âSo?â
âSo,â he kissed you softly. âWe should fix that. Before she sets the ground rules. Because I know what a stickler you are for those, darling.â
Melting in his arms and sinking into the luxurious quicksand of his affections, your mind turned to only one thing.
âRules are rules for a reason,â you whispered.
Changbin hummed, low and lustful.
âYes, boss.â
What of the woman that closed her door to Desire? To that, the answer is simple. A whirlwind of a man blustered his way through it, and Desire did as Desire does, overmastering all else that threatened to part them.
Summary: Why is he always there? And why is he always using the equipment you need? How is it Seo Changbin knows exactly when to hog everything you need at the gym? Itâs time to piss him off as much as he pisses you off.
Thereâs nothing worse than dragging yourself to the gym only to find every machine that you want or need to use is taken.Â
But since this one is open 24 hours a day, you can get there at ungodly hours of the morning and everything should be open for use, right?
Wrong.Â
He is always there. The bane of your existence: Seo Changbin.Â
You swear this man practically lives at the gym.Â
If you show up after dinner, he shows up after dinner. If you park your car in the lot at noon, you best believe his sleek black sports car is already there. When you walk in around breakfast, there he isâ always hogging the single working foldable weight bench.Â
There were other weight benches in the gym, he just chose to always use that one.Â
And he does even use it properly! He doesnât fold it up for back support, no, he uses it as a regular bench.Â
âDo you mind using one of the other benches so I can have this one?â You tried asking him once.Â
Changbin huffed and moved his headphone off one ear, balancing the 50 pound weight on his thigh. âWhat?â
âCan I use this bench please? I can bring one of the others over for you.â
âCanât you see itâs being used?â
âYeah, but itâs the only folding one that works and you donât even need it like that.â
âI might.â
You rolled your eyes, âDo you really?â
âMaybe. Now, if you donât mind.â
Without waiting for an answer, he pulled his headphones back on and looked away from you and at his form in the mirror.Â
You groaned and walked away.
Ever since that day, you know heâs been going out of his way to get that bench whenever he can.Â
His ass is always firmly planted on that weight bench. His perfectly round, muscular ass.Â
It infuriates you to no end.Â
Each time you look around for the bench and make eye contact with him, the only response Changbin has is a dark smirk.Â
Slowly but surely, it became more than just the folding bench.Â
The tricep strap for the cable machine was never there when you needed it. Changbin was using it.Â
Whereâs the ab roller? Changbin has it in front of him.Â
The fifteen pound kettle bell? In fucking Seo Changbinâs hands.Â
Itâs like he has your routine memorized.
Your rage meter can only fill up so much before it bubbles over like a volcano erupting.Â
Were you being ridiculous now? Perhaps.Â
But at 3 AM, youâre certain thereâs absolutely no way in hell Seo Changbin is going to be at the gym.Â
Could you just join another one? Sure. But is your pride going to let you? Absolutely not.Â
No one goes to the gym at three in the morning, at least no sane person does.Â
So, why the hell do you see a black, luxury car in the parking lot. Itâs the only car in the entire lot.Â
Frustration gets the better of you and you slam your hand on the steering wheel.Â
âWhat the hell!â
You furiously park your car. This was your last straw, you barely remember to yank your gym bag out of the back seat before setting on your war path into the building.Â
Why the fuck was he here so early? Does he live here? Is he bound to the building by some curse? Is he bound to you by some curse?
You rip the door open, it practically flies off the hinges. Thereâs no one at the front desk. Of course there isnât, who the hell would come here at this time?
Changbin is in the back where he usually is, sitting on that fucking weight bench.Â
He doesnât seem to have noticed you storm into the gym yet. Heâs too focused on the bicep curls heâs pumping.Â
Maybe if you werenât blinded by your rage you wouldâve taken the time to stop and stare at the way his arms flex in that compression shirt.Â
Your bag drops onto the floor. Thatâs when he looks up in the mirror.
Changbinâs face goes through several different emotions.Â
Surprise, shock, confusion, then finally, arrogance.Â
He places his weights on the floor and takes his headphones off just in time for you to open your mouth.Â
âWhatâs the big idea, huh?â You start, âDo you enjoy making my life miserable? Why are you here?â
Changbin stays sitting on the bench and arches an eyebrow at you.Â
âNow that Iâm here do you want me to go grab all the equipment I plan on using? Should I gather it all by your feet and just leave? But even if I come back youâll still be here, wonât you? Do you live here or something?â
His smirk only grows bigger and bigger. He tongues his cheek and stares into your eyes, which are burning with anger.Â
A bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face and drips onto one of his exposed thighs.Â
Changbin says nothing for a long moment before he looks back into the mirror and preps himself for another set.Â
âI always come here this early.â He says cockily.
âLike hell you do.â you snap back at him. Your fists clench at your sides in anger.Â
âSorry, Princess. Try again another time.â
âHave you ever tried not being a dick for three seconds?â
âHave you?â
Your jaw drops and you stand there dumbfounded for a moment.Â
âI am perfectly pleasant! Youâre the one going out of your way to make my life miserable!â
âYou really think the world revolves around you, huh?â
âTwo days ago, you sat with the lat pull-down bar next to you for two hours while I waited for you to actually use it, you didnât.â
Your arms cross over your chest.Â
Changbin winks at you, âSo youâre saying you watched me for two hours? How was my form? Perfect, right?â
âYouâre insufferable.â
âTakes two to tango, babe.â
âDonâtâ!â Your own frustration cuts you off. âDonât call me that! Fucking Christ.âÂ
And with that, you turn on your heel, snatch your bag off the ground and stomp towards the locker room.Â
Youâre positively seething with rage because of him. Who does he think he is?
You were not a dick! You were very nice in the beginning, explaining why you needed that bench; heâs the one that took it further than that.Â
Ripping your jacket off, you practically launch it into the locker, pulling out the various things you will be using and slamming them on the bench.Â
Since heâs still on the goddamn bench, itâll be leg day, so you pull out your lifting gloves and pre workout. After dry scooping, you let it dissolve in your mouth with a big swig of water and adjust your clothes.Â
The new matching GymShark set you ordered came in and it is doing wonders for your body. How great you look in this outfit is about the only plus for today.Â
Itâs a bright pink set thatâs basically spandex shorts and a sports bra.Â
And damn, you look good.Â
As time ticks on in the locker room, your rage turns to a smoldering anger.Â
Heâs on the bench. Which means the Smith Machine is free.Â
After filling your water bottle up to the top, you head out to the gym floor, headphones blasting pump up music.Â
Changbin is still sitting on the folding bench when you come out of the locker room. Heâs presumably in between sets since heâs looking down at his phone. His own water bottle held loosely in the other hand.Â
You look away before he looks up and turn your music up louder. When you lift, you always need something that really pumps you up.Â
When you get to the smith machine you put your things down and start to get it prepped. First, before squats or anything, you want to do deadlifts, and for that you need to get so much ready.Â
You roll a bar out and slide on your preferred weight on either side. The entire time you can practically feel Changbinâs eyes following each one of your movements.Â
Once everything is prepped, you put your gloves on and walk over to the bar.Â
Your form is perfect, you know that, youâve been doing this for years. Plus, thereâs always that small bit of anxiety when you go to the gym that youâll be doing something wrong.
So you poured hours of research into making sure everything youâre doing is right. Plus, this way, you also donât need to worry about someone coming up and correcting you.Â
At the end of your set you drop the bar to the ground. It hits the padded floor with a loud clang!.Â
Everyone who lifts at this gym drops their weights, itâs nothing new at all.Â
But, you see Changbinâs head snap over to you out of the corner of your eye. Â
He can eat shit.Â
You pace around a little in between sets, catching your breath and taking swigs of water. Bopping your head to the music a bit and thinking about what youâre going to do for the day.Â
Time for set two.Â
Same thing, you do all your reps and then drop the weight at the end.Â
This time, though, you hear something through your music.Â
Looking around, you see Changbin staring right at you with a sneer pulled at his lips. He motions for you to take your headphones off.Â
You roll your eyes, but do so anyway.Â
âWhat?â you ask.Â
âCan you not do that?â he asks. By his tone, he is very obviously annoyed.Â
âDo what?â
âDrop your weights.âÂ
âEveryone here drops their weights. Why is it different if I do it?â
âI hate it when everyone does it. Youâre not special.â
You scoff and look away from him again, putting your headphone back over your ear. Changbinâs silent anger could be felt from across the gym.Â
Set three. Same exact routine.Â
And this time, you go out of your way to drop your weights at the end of the set.Â
The mat on the floor vibrates and one machine next to you shakes a bit.Â
âYah!â Changbin yells through your music.Â
Turning to look at him, heâs already walking towards you, fists clenched.Â
You stand your ground, watching him stomp over to you. This time, you donât even take your headphones off.Â
Once heâs in front of you his mouth moves with whatever heâs saying. You watch him for a moment, pretending to listen to what heâs saying.Â
Then you nod, putting on a show with exaggerating your movements, pretending to understand. You hold up one finger, his eyebrows furrowed together and his mouth shuts.Â
You turn and grab your phone off the floor, lighting up the screen and holding it up to his face.Â
âCut The Cord by Shinedown.â you say loudly, showing him your music in his face.Â
Changbinâs face contorts into an even angrier one. He bares his teeth and his shoulders raise a bit towards his ears as his fists clench more.Â
All you do is smile innocently and turn around to go back to your set.Â
A very large, strong hand grabs your wrist and youâre yanked back around towards him. You gasp when youâre pulled back towards him.
Changbin uses his other hand to yank your headphones off your head and throw them onto the floor. Your phone also tumbles down to the matted floor.Â
âWhat the fuck is your probââ
Youâre cut off by Changbin grabbing your face tightly, fingers and thumb pressing harshly into your cheeks, causing your lips to pucker.Â
âYou just had to be fucking annoying, huh?â he asks, his voice dipping to a dangerous octave. âAlways walking around here like you own the place, like you know everything.â
If looks could kill, heâd be dead. But then again, so would you. Â
âFucking let me go, Changbin.â you struggle against his hold. Changbin quickly releases your wrist to wrap his entire fist in your ponytail. He tugs harshly, bringing your face close to his.Â
âI bet no one has ever put you in your fucking place before.â he growls and youâre so ashamed at the way your insides flip.Â
You pull harder and harder against his grip, but itâs no use.Â
âI asked you nicely to stop slamming your weights.â
âThe fuck you did!â you quip back.Â
He yelled at you to stop dropping your weights.Â
His grip tightens on your face and he brings your body even closer to his. The heat radiating off his skin was insane. A bead of sweat drips down the side of his face.Â
âMaybe someone should shut you up for once.â
âMaybe someone shouldââ
His lips slam into yours in a harsh meeting. Like a lightning bolt travels down your spine, your entire body feels like itâs tingling. The feeling goes straight to your cunt.Â
A loud groan comes from the back of your throat. You kiss him back for about five seconds before you remember what the fuck youâre doing.Â
You bite down on his lip, hard.Â
Changbin yelps and brings his face away from yours. But his grip on your jaw remains solid.Â
His deep brown eyes darken significantly and the only way to describe his stare is predatory.Â
Itâs like you just cocked the gun aimed at your own head, his finger on the trigger.Â
In an entirely too swift series of movements, Changbin spins your body around and bends you over the back hyperextension standing equipment.Â
The hand in your hair tightens significantly, he straddles the back of you, pressing his body completely flush with your back.Â
His other hand comes around the front of you to cover your mouth.Â
With no bit of gentleness, he shakes your face around and positions it forward.Â
âFucking look at that beautiful sight.â
Youâre staring at yourself in the mirror in front of you. In the mirror, you can see Changbinâs eyes raking over your form.Â
Against your ass you can feel his dick twitch in his gym shorts.Â
Again, your cunt clenches around nothing at the feel of him against you.Â
âSo gorgeous when you shut the fuck up,â he whispers into your ear.
You should not be turned on by this. You should be fighting back with all your strength and slapping him across his perfectly handsome face. This is Changbin, the same guy whoâs done nothing but be a thorn in your side for the past few months!Â
But heâs also the same guy that looks fucking delicious in those black compression shirts.Â
âMaybe itâs time someone teaches you a lesson on what happens when you talk back, little girl.â he sneers with a cocky smirk.Â
You struggle against his grasp, it just makes him tighten his hold on you even more. Your scalp screams from his harsh tug, but it feels so good.
Squinting your eyes shut, you swallow a whimper from coming out.Â
Both of your elbows are underneath you, holding your weight up on the pads. Youâre trying so hard not to look into the mirror in front of you; you know that if you see the way his body is caged around you, youâll lose it.Â
Changbin presses his cock into your ass even harder, the feeling goes straight to your core and down your legs.
âAlways in these tight fucking shorts, galavanting around the gym getting everyoneâs dick hard.â
You thrash around just a bit underneath him and he holds you tighter. Your eyes open and you turn your head a little to stare at the wall, lips pulled into a sneer.Â
âWhatâs the matter, little girl? Hate knowing that everyoneâs eyes always follow your bouncing tits around the gym? That this gym is the most packed when they know you have leg day?â
Over and over his hips roll into your ass, the friction feels delicious. Youâre thanking the GymShark gods that their materials donât show moisture through the fabric.
âDoes the little princess have nothing to say now?â
When you let out muffled noises, Changbin only laughs.
âFuck you, and fuck your stupid fucking folding weight bench.âÂ
He leans his head down and bites your neck so hard youâre sure his teeth imprint will be there for days. The squeal that comes from your mouth is muffled by his hand.
Changbin takes his hand out of his hair to reach down and yank your shorts down over your ass.
As soon as the cool air of the gym hits your exposed core, you hiss and squirm around in his grip even more.Â
âFuck⊠Look at that. The princess doesnât wear panties to the gym.â When you look at him in the mirror, heâs staring at your cunt while biting his lower lip.
His eyes are looking at your glistening folds like heâs taking in a work of art.
The hand over your mouth comes around your neck to hold your head down by your nape. His fingers thread into your hair right at the base to keep a firm restraint on you.
Two of his fingers run through your soaking wet folds, âSo fucking wet for me, babe. Who knew you got off arguing with me as much as I did?â
âFuck you.â you spit out.
Changbinâs eyes meet yours in the mirror for a split second, his grip on your head forces you down even more.Â
He reaches down and pushes his shorts down just enough for his cock to spring free.
Holy fuck, heâs fucking big. Prominent veins run up his length. Your eyes widen in shock and he looks so fucking smug about it.
At this point, youâre positively dripping wet.Â
Fisting one hand on his cock, he runs the head up and down your cunt, catching on your clit a few times and making you gasp and squirm a bit.
âJesus fuck, if youâre gunna fuck me, why donât you do it already?â you bite at him.
Changbin spits directly on your cunt.
âWith pleasure, princess.â
He bottoms out in one hard thrust and your mouth falls open in a silent scream. Your eyes squint shut and eyebrows pinch together.
Changbin does not wait for you to adjust to him. He grips your hair as tight as he can and thrusts into you mercilessly.Â
The wet slapping noises fill the air of the gym and echo off the bare walls; thereâs no music or anything to drown out the lewd sounds of your bodies conjoining.
Every single thrust feels so fucking deep inside you itâs driving you fucking wild, itâs like he;s fucking through you.
âHoly fuckâ hngâ youâre fucking tight!â he grunts out.
In the mirror you can see his face screwing up in the angriest display of pleasure youâve ever seen. Heâs positively seething with how good it feels to have you clamp down on his cock.
All youâre able to do is pant and moan and practically drool with how amazing it feels inside of you. But despite the pleasure youâre feeling, you canât allow yourself to give him the satisfaction of knowing how good it feels.
With each thrust, you do your damndest to keep the reactions to a minimum.
He notices.Â
âOh, fuck you.â he pants out. You both make eye contact in the mirror and hold it.
He pulls your hair to bring your back up against his clothes chest, his hand comes around to hold you by the throat.
This new angle allows him to bully your g-spot over and over again. You canât help it anymore, your eyes roll back into your head and your mouth falls open with a strangled moan.
âThatâs what I fucking thought, bitch. Feel how good my cock is making you feel, you canât fucking lie to me, I can feel you clenching down on me, soaking my dick.â
Tiny whimpers leave your throat.
Changbin reaches his other hand down and begins toying with your clit, rubbing circles at the same rhythm that his thrusts were going in.
The combination of the two has you seeing stars.
âShitâ!â he moans out in your ear, âPussy so tight when I do that, fuck!â
His hand around your throat squeezes a bit, making it hard to breathe, but my god itâs so erotic.
âFuck you, fuck you, fuck you.â you pant out in between each thrust.
âFuck me?â he says incredulously, he grabs your jaw and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. âFucking look at yourself, getting fucked raw by my cock in the middle of the gym where anyone could walk in.â
Another clench down on his cock.
âFucking bitch, you like that, huh?â
You canât take your eyes off where your bodies are joined together, his cock slips in and out of you so easily, entirely coated in your combined juices. His thick fingers rubbing your clit, hurling you towards your orgasm.
âShit.â you hiss as you approach that edge, it makes your toes curl in your sneakers. âGâna cum.â you mumble.
âIs that right?â Changbin says in your ear and immediately his pace increases.
You cry out and throw your head back, but Changbin forces it back down.
âNo, youâre going to watch,â he growls. âYouâre going to watch yourself fucking cum all over my cock. And then youâre going to watch me cum in this tight pussy.â
All you can do is pant and keep your eyes focused on his thrusts, the way his balls smack against your skin with each one.
More and more and more the pressure builds until it's too much and you finally topple over the edge.
You cry out and try to look away, but Changbinâs firm grip keeps you there.
âHoly fucking shit, fuck fuck, ah shit!â
Immediately after your orgasm you feel your insides flood with something warm and sticky. Within seconds you watch as it begins to leak out of you around Changbinâs now softening cock.Â
Both of you sit there for a moment, panting in silence. No other sounds fill the gym until Changbin finally speaks up.
âNext time, donât slam the weights in my gym.â
Summary: It started off as such a simple question. How to know if youâre bad in bed? Of course when you asked, you didnât imagine Jimin would actually answer.
pairing: reader x chan
genre: vampire!chan; human!reader; fluff//humor
length: 2.9k words
warnings: none unless you consider having the fluffiest relationship with a vampire then yeah, bewARE
summary: you were dramatic, thereâs no doubt about it. so when you get pissed off at your vampire boyfriend, what do you do? wear all the things that would cause his suffering
a/n: happy october!!! as a part of this spoopy season, iâll be posting halloween related one shots! enjoy this first one that starts out as a cute lil fluff of what i think a lighthearted vamp x human relationship is like hehehe;; also the backstory is hella long and i didnt mean for it to be whoops! also âsuckerâ for you gET IT?
âY/N, Iâm homeâŠoh no,â was the first thing to exit Chanâs lips when he opened the front door of your apartment, seeing your curled up figure on the couch with stubbornly crossed arms. But it wasnât your pout and furrowed eyebrows that caught his eye first but what was around your neck.
FORBIDDEN ATTRACTION ( MASTERLIST ) â ENHYPEN HYUNG LINE
hogwarts au â wizards!enhypen x witch!reader
SUMMARY â your life at hogwarts couldnât be more perfect; youâve got high grades, an envied social life and everyoneâs eyes are always on you. a good reputation is what matters in this school, and you certainly have it. so nothing will happen to you if you end up fucking the hottest guys of each house - right?
WARNINGS â better listed in each chapter. but of course heavy, heavy SMUT. and the main character is anything but a sweet girl. also, enha represent their houses in a stereotypical way sooo beware of a very proud heeseung and a very mean jay. but keep an eye on a very nerdy sunghoon and a very innocent (or not?) jake too ;)
FIND CHAPTERS BELOW !
001. PARK SUNGHOON â âTHATâS THE HELP YOU NEEDED, HUH?â
when your best friend sunoo challenges you with a bet, you already know that refusing is not an option. although heâs confident that youâre never going to win. not when the bet â and its prize â revolves around none other than the studious prefect of ravenclaw â park sunghoon.
but all you need is a study session, breaking some rule and you know youâll get his undivided attention.
READ HERE
002. SIM JAKE â âTHIS ISNâT WHAT YOU EXPECTED, RIGHT?â
rumors at hogwarts run fast, most of them involving the most popular boys. however, your mind seems to be stuck on one particular rumor youâve once heard in the girls bathroom (and you took it as an universal truth). âjake sim, the hufflepuff boy. you know him right? sweet, angel face? well, he fucks like an animalâ you heard a girl saying.
and now more than ever you want to test that theory. just like any potion needs its recipe, like any spell needs its practise, you have to know if jake sim is all you need to feel good.
READ HERE
003. LEE HEESEUNG â âARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?â
if anyone was more popular than you at hogwarts, that person had to be lee heeseung â the young quidditch prodigy who has every girl at his feet and every boy following him like his puppies.
and it doesnât help that heâs so full of himself â a true gryffindor. especially since heâs so sure that he will win you over, no matter what. and youâre not blind, you can see how attractive he is. and perhaps you should feel honoured that he wants no one but you.
but should you give up so easily? or maybe play with him your own way?
CHAPTER COMING SOONâŠ
004. PARK JAY â âYOU THINK YOUâRE BETTER THAN ME?â
jay park has to be the most irritating person youâve ever met in your entire life. he seems to have a personal mission to make your life a living hell - as if being your rival in⊠well, everything, isnât enough!
heâs top of his classes, the most promising wizard of your year and a heartthrob whoâs only aim in life is to be better than you. maybe thatâs part of his nature - being a pureblood slytherin surely shaped him to be a certain way.
or maybe itâs just you. you, the constant thought in his head, the cause of his frustrations and of his relentless lust you awaken in him whenever you challenge him.
maybe you should just⊠find a solution for your pent up feelings.
DRABBLES
001. ravenclaw!sunghoon âfun in the prefectsâ bathroom
friendly reminder: every perspective is automatically written as gender neutral unless stated otherwise ! please let me know what i can do to improve on inclusivity <3
YEONJUN!
in bloom â angst + hanahaki disease + found family trope â 4.3k
â summary: you do your best to forget about yeonjun even if youâre physically incapable with the vomiting of flowers
through the dark â comfort w angst + platonic bordering more than friends â 3.2k
â summary: the world may wear you down with your fear of the future but your bff! yeonjun assures you he is there to build you back up
â summary: when yeonjun gets the chance to be your boyfriend, even if itâs fake, he chokes up
limelight â sad but fluffy college au + rich!yj â 4.4k
â summary: when youâre the only one to show up to your popular classmateâs party, you get to know him better, beyond his poor reputation
someday â idolverse!au + right person wrong time trope + in another life⊠â 2.1k
â summary: you break up with yeonjun bc you have to and he has to accept it even if he doesnât want to (you donât eitherâŠ)
SOOBIN!
heart shaped â comfort and fluff + idol!soobin + struggle w feelings â 2.5k
â summary: youâre the calm and serious to soobinâs life but youâre also secretly a crybaby who doesnât like talking about feelings and he wants you to open up and finally an opportunity opens up!
â summary: you and boyfriend!soobin try and have a nice video chat as heâs stuck on an airplane but it goes awry in a silly way
matter to you â fluffy but tinge of angst + college!au + mutual pining??? :0 ft beomgyu â 4.6k
â summary: ur in a huge friend group from an academic club with soob (and gyu) and on a big day, you realize who your real friends are (and maybe a little moreâŠ)
way home â hurt comfort + fluffiness + soft angst + found family trope â 2.9k
â summary: for all your life, youâve wanted to escape your home life only to find a new and better home in your five best friends
BEOMGYU!
old friend â angst + unresolved feelings + mini side love story for soobin â 5.8k
â summary: you and beomgyu broke up but have to pretend ur still together for his sisterâs wedding, but itâs hard to see whatâs pretend and whatâs not
two slow dancers â angst + estranged bffs â 3.6k
â summary: idol! beomgyu and you meet again for one of his big nights and also the line btw friendship and romance is blurry
between the two of us â college!au + online bffs 2 irl bffs 2 lovers + miscommunication + angst â 10.7k
â summary: you learn that itâs not easy going from online bffs to irl bffs for someone who relied on not having to show your face the hard way (happy ending!)
your relationship with sunghoon was considered to be perfect, especially with how in love you both were with each other. your obsession with him growing each day, he was too pretty for you to stay sane and it wasnât a secret that everyone around him admired him, which was understandable but you couldnât let him go, thatâs exactly why you had to baby trap him, which wasnât possible because sunghoon believed in safe sex, and he used condoms, somehow having the stock with him at all times.
but that day, you acted as if you were too needy, whimpering and begging him to fuck you raw, telling him youâre on the pill and nothing would happen, which was a lie from your side but you had to say it. sunghoon seemed a little more needier than usual that day, which only helped your case more, you both moaned when he entered your cunt, raw and ready to breed you, your legs wrapped around his waist only helping his length hit the deepest spots in you, and you could swear you saw stars with the unadulterated pleasure he gave you, filling you up to brim, a smirk settling on your face.
what you didnât know was that sunghoon was smirking too, his plan of babytrapping you had worked so easily, not knowing that it was exactly what you had planned too.
a/n: yn and hoon are both obsessed w each other and sick in the head, they belong together truly đâđŒ
summary: when jake goes on a boys trip, you resort to helping yourself with your new toy, not knowing how much this news would rile him up
genre: smut (minors dni), dom!jake, established relationship
pairing: jake x afab!reader
warnings: masturbation, unprotected sex, some name calling (slut, brat), pet names, spanking
wc: 1.7k
you always encouraged jake to go out with his friends to do activities you werenât really a fan of, not wanting him to miss out on something because of you. you knew jake loved fishing, but you on the other hand, felt sick at the thought of going again after your first attempt.
jake had been talking nonstop about new fishing techniques he had learned, different areas to fish, and where to buy the best fishing gear. he was so excited for his day out with the boys, you loved to hear him ramble about it before bed. the day of his outing, he kissed you goodbye in the early morning before he left and hurried out with his backpack that was so full it looked like it was going to burst.
you were left alone in your shared apartment and before lounging around, you made an imaginary list in your head to keep you occupied. he wasnât going to be back home until 8 so you basically had the whole day to yourself. you were able to keep yourself busy by cleaning around the house, catching up with friends, and getting a head start on some work. jake messaged you at around noon to let you know he arrived, and you felt your heart swell at how happy he sounded even over text, you couldnât wait for him to tell you all about it.
a few hours had passed when you decided to make yourself a quick snack. you sat down on your couch and put on a new show to watch that seemed interesting enough. the beginning was unfortunately, a bore, so you began to scroll through your phone forgetting the fact that you even had the tv on. after hearing some questionable noises, you abruptly looked back up at your tv to discover that a raunchy scene had come on. your face began to heat up as you watched the male lead undress his female costar, groping at her breasts and kissing her with desire. they were out of breath and desperate for each other as they attempted to hurry up and finish before somebody caught them.
you started to imagine jake doing those things to you, his soft wet lips against yours, how heâd let his hands roam all over your body, his firm grip making you almost fall limp. you clenched your thighs for some friction, wishing he was there with you. you couldnât have gotten worked up at a worse time. that familiar feeling was building up in your stomach, you wanted relief, you wanted to feel good just like the actors on screen.
suddenly you remembered the toy you bought behind jakes back a few weeks ago, you had been too shy to use it, but you needed any kind of stimulation right now. you remember telling yourself to use it when you missed him most, and right now you could cry for him, how badly you needed him to touch you.
you hurried into your room and reached into your bedside drawer, pulling out a dildo similar in size to jakes cock. you quickly pushed your ruined panties aside and used your fingers to collect your slick before prodding at your sensitive nub with the toy. you placed yourself on top of it, slowly moving up and down, trying to find a pace. your eyes were closed, you tried hard to imagine it was jake, tried to imagine the way he would whisper filthy things into your ear, calling you his pretty slut. you enjoyed the feeling, but it wasnât anything close to how he felt. it was difficult to reach your orgasm without him.
you checked the time again, 6:30. you needed him home soon. you donât know what made you so needy, but you were gasping and whining just at the thought of his hands groping your body instead of yours as you touched yourself. you decided to set up your phone directly in front of you, hitting record before you continued. you were fully naked now, riding your new toy as you basically cried out his name, begging him to come home.
ân-not as good as you jakey. please, hurry. need to cum so badâŠâ you whimpered, tears threatening to spill out. you began to get tired and stopped recording, contemplating whether or not you should send it to jake. you didnât want to be selfish by telling him to ditch his friends when he had been looking forward to going out, but you were feeling dizzy already from just the mere thought of him and you werenât in the right headspace. you clicked send and you felt your heart hammering inside your chest while you waited for his response.
you sighed as you stared back at your screen, you werenât sure if he was bluffing or not, but you knew deep down he wouldnât stay just to tease you, not after hearing you beg for him.
just as you thought, a few minutes later you heard him struggling to unlock the door and you smiled to yourself. the door opened, and there was a loud thud as he dropped his equipment and backpack on the floor without a care. his footsteps were loud as he stomped into your shared bedroom with his heavy boots.
once his eyes met yours he nearly pounced on you, capturing your lips in a rough and heated kiss. he was biting your lips harshly and caressing your body just the way you craved, his hands playing with your breasts. you moaned into his mouth, feeling weak for him already.
âwhereâs that fucking toy?â he growled into your ear.
you jumped at his tone and pointed to it on the floor, he quickly picked it up and threw it into the trash can in the bathroom with no hesitation. he sat back down next to you on your bed, his strong hands massaging your thighs, you squirmed underneath him.
âwhat happened to my good girl, hm?â his face was so close to yours, your noses touching as he stared you down, waiting for an answer. you avoided his gaze, instead looking at his hands that were going up your thighs, getting closer to where you wanted him.
âi told you not to buy stupid shit like that didnât i?â
âb-but sometimes when youâre not here⊠â
âwhat? when iâm not here what? you couldnât just wait for my cock like a good girl, hm? open your legs, slut.â
you slowly opened your legs, letting out a small gasp as the cold air hit your leaking cunt. he scoffed, noticing how much of a mess youâve already made on the bed. his hand made its way to your pussy, collecting your arousal and rubbing your puffy clit in a circular motion. you threw your head back and bucked your hips up, chasing his touch. he stopped before landing a harsh slap on your cunt, causing you to let out a yelp.
âiâm not gonna give you what you want until you apologize, angel. slap my pretty slut, you made me leave early all because you couldnât listen, youâd rather that toy than me?â slap. you were putty underneath him, willing to do whatever he asked you to.
âiâm sorry jakey, i wonât do it again i promise. pleaseâŠneed your cock..â you looked up at him as your hands went up and down his torso. he felt his dick twitch, he loved seeing you in this state, pleading for his cock. he couldnât play around any longer, he needed you just as much as you needed him.
he started to unbuckle his belt and you were quivering from excitement. he let his pants drop to the floor and you watched the way his veiny cock was dripping precum. he grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his torso so he could have easier access to you. you were a whiny mess beneath him, trying to get him to touch you again. he teased you, slowly dragging his tip along your wet folds.
âjake, fuck. please hur-â before you could finish, he rammed his cock inside of you, not allowing you to adjust to his size. the burning sensation of his member stretching you out made your brain fuzzy. the feeling of his cock filling you up to the brim was addicting.
he smashed his lips against yours while his hips tried to find a steady pace. your hand reached for his hair, pulling at his brown locks and he groaned into your mouth.
ânothings better than my cock, hm?â he breathed out against your lips. you nodded and let out a weak whimper. your hands were now clawing at his back, pulling him closer to you. he was pounding into you relentlessly, no other thought in his mind besides making you cum. incoherent words escaped your lips and your eyes were filled with tears.
âis this what you wanted, needy brat?â his hand fondled your breast before smacking it, leaving a pink mark. your eyes rolled back at the tingling sensation. your hole clenched around his throbbing cock while he fucked you dumb.
âwant you to be full of me and only me. you understand?â he grunted. he was holding you close, the feeling of his firm body on top of yours made you lightheaded, you felt your legs start to shake. âiâm so close jakey..â you breathed out. he reached down and began to rub your clit at a fast pace as he thrusted into you sloppily.
âfuck, princess iâm going crazy. make a mess all over your favorite cock, baby.â
you gasped and arched your back, letting out a loud moan as white flooded your vision. he fucked you even harder, chasing his own high, and it wasnât long until you felt him weakly pound into you one last time to release his warm load inside of you. he laid down beside you, kissing your tears away because of how sensitive you were a second ago.
âdid i go too far, angel?â he questioned, with a look of concern. âno, baby.â you gave him a peck and wrapped your arms around his body, cuddling with him.
âno more toys okay? thatâs what iâm here for, princess.â he kissed your forehead and you hummed as his voice and his kisses lulled you to sleep.
*how to get back at your ex - f2l, coworkers au, fluff, smut (mdni) - 19.9k
When you catch your boyfriend of four years cheating on you on the day of your anniversary, your first reflex is to get black-out drunk by yourself at a bar near your place. There, you run into your colleague and close friend Heeseung, and together, you come up with a plan to get back at Sunghoon for what he did. But as you carry out your pranks with Heeseung, you realize that maybe, what they say about love is true - sometimes, it is right there in front of you, patiently waiting for you to recognize to it.
hey, heeseung! - best friend's brother au, fluff, angst and smut (mdni) - ongoing series, [2/3]
Your longstanding crush on Heeseung only quadruples in size when he comes home from his first year of university, looking better than he's ever had - and in your eyes, that's saying something. Tension builds between the two of you over the summer, until it inevitably explodes. The catch? He's your best friend's brother.
park jongseong.
*all i see is gold - academic rivals to lovers au, fake dating au, college au, fluff, slight angst and smut (mdni) - 27.1k
Pretending to be your number one rival's girlfriend to please his parents isn't how you would usually spend a Thursday night, but you really owe Jay a big one this time. You'd sworn this was just a one-time thing - and yet when his parents ask you to come again, the word 'yes' is out before you can stop it. Before you know it and much to your dismay, your feelings for Jay start to change, and you're in too deep to backtrack.
sim jaeyun.
kiwi and layla - high school au, s2f2l, fluff, angst - part of the unexpected collab - 26.3k
After a test, you mistake Jakeâs backpack for your own and you each go home with the otherâs bag. Both of you are too curious for your own good, so you quickly find out that you excel in the subject the other is failing - ensues a mutual tutoring agreement that turns into much more than what you expected.
In August 1963, your monotonous summer vacation becomes a lot more exciting when you meet a group of dancers that work as the entertainment staff of the resort you and your family are staying at. Your fascination with them, and particularly dancers and close friends Sunghoon and Chaewon, pushes you to help them out by taking Chaewon's place at another hotel's show when she's unable to dance. The week you spend with Sunghoon as he teaches you to dance and the events thereafter give you a lot more than the ability to mambo.
*we'll always have this summer - summer au, s2f2l, fluff, angst, smut (mdni) - 25.9k
Your mom ruins your summer plans by sending you to the equestrian center your grandmother owns in the south of France, wanting you to spend some time away from the city and take a break from your med studies. Although youâd been determined to spend the worst time ever there, you soon find out that maybe the cold but cute horse nerd next door who doesnât want to talk to you might actually turn this summer into the best one of your life.
Your alarmingly empty bank account forces you to find a last-minute summer job so that you can afford a trip with your friends. The extremely handsome customer that comes into the store just happens to be a young single dad whoâs renovating the old house next to yours. The tension that settles between the two of you as you start helping him fix up his house soon becomes unbearable, but itâs all one-sided anyway, right? (Spoiler: wrong.)
*real me, real you - fake dating, high school au, slight e2l, slight love triangle, fluff, angst - 22.9k
Youâre your schoolâs popular pretty smart girl, but with a twist - you lead a completely different life at home, where you are messy, lazy and foul-mouthed. Only your family and best friend Sumin know about this, until Park Sunghoon, of all people, finds out. The resident cold and arrogant heartbreaker of your school decides to blackmail you into doing his biddings - but you canât say no, not even when he asks you to be his fake girlfriend, otherwise heâll ruin your reputation. But as you and Sunghoon get closer, you realize that maybe heâs not so bad after all, and you may be more similar than you'd originally though - all while your old childhood friend Jay watches from the sidelines.
ot7.
their favorite form of skinship - bf!enha, fluff - 1.5k
hiding in plain sight - sh, js, jy, jw - fluff - 1.7k
100 kisses event - prompt masterlist
DISCLAIMER : im not citing this as sunghoons personal experience with training or his career and im not making light of the abuse that goes on in the ice skating field and the strict dieting and lifestyle. also side note i literally donât know a single technical term for skating tricks or competitions so this is my limited descriptive talented and googled information lol (not proofread)
The human body was something youâd never quite been able to grasp completely. Itâs rules for right and wrong, itâs reactions to certain stimuli. The way it can bend and twist but not break yet one small accident can ruin it forever.
There was nothing you dreaded more than having that type of accident. It plagued your mind from early morning to late night, what ways you could avoid getting hurt.
Ironic considering your lifestyle choices seemed to bring nothing but hurt, only in the shape of bruised limbs and sore muscles.
Since you were 4 years old, your entire existence had been devoted to one thing. One single thing in your frame of sight, one thing that would determine your future and if you succeeded as a prodigy or failed as an old hobbyist.
On your fourth Christmas your mother had gifted you a small box that was wrapped tightly with a pretty purple bow. At that age you were, of course, more interested in the packaging itself than the contents inside it.
Little did you know, your whole entire growing life form was sitting inside the small box and you were en route to become a prodigy in the making.
For the next 15 years you spent everyday on the ice. Obviously retiring the tiny pair of skates that was hidden behind the old purple bow, youâd gone through dozens of pairs are you grew and the stitching began to fade and tear.
Throughout your school years, you lost yourself in a daze of studying followed by practice followed by studying followed by more practice. You, impressively, managed to keep a small hand full of friends despite the constant look of disappointment youâd face after canceling hangouts.
Then you were graduating, and with a big smile on your face, flowers in hand, you prepared to take a deep breath in and start your life with a blank state. The way you wanted it to be.
You scowled at the memory now as your hands smacked against the cold ice, shavings from the skid of your blade sneaking their way under your gloves and sleeves. Your deep breath of relief had been cut short by the icy chill and reminder that what you had been training for, didnât end at adulthood.
âThatâs the third time youâve missed that.â Your coach was declaring from off on the side of the rink, ringing her hands together and peering down at you.
You didnât mind Coach Suzy, if anything she was miles better than dealing with your mothers remarks and insults, but her need to point out the obvious wasnât your favorite quirk of hers.
Pushing off from the ice back onto your skates, you held your scowl and did a loop around the rink to get back into the motion of it. Three tries without success was, in your standards at least, a complete failure. Your mother would be having a complete public fit if she had found the time to come today.
You simply havenât, and did not, lose and you werenât planning on making a late habit of it. Throughout your career you were quickly dubbed a skater to be on the lookouts for, a growing prodigy with a burning passion and a unique sense of style, the Princess of the Ice.
So to be stood here with ice under your nails like a complete amateur, was unacceptable. You furrowed your brows and prepared to send off again, picking up speed and hopefully enough momentum to complete the one jump youâd never had luck with.
Your coachâs whistle stopped you in your tracks and you turned your skate against the ice, stopping abruptly and glaring towards her in confusion. Upon the sight of her, and her newfound companion, your shoulders were deflating with annoyance and exhaustion.
Stood on her side, leaning against the railing and watching you with a half smirk and a skate digging into the ice below him, was none other than Park Sunghoon.
Park Sunghoon had begun his training around the same time as you and you two had immediately been put into comparison, despite the difference in genders never actually leading you to competing. Although, you didnât need to be in front of judges to compete with each other.
He oozed natural talent and charisma, his body light in the air and swift on the ice. He was quickly named the best skater in your area and heâd yet to lose the title, with you always following a close second. The Ice Prince was spreading throughout the whispers of judges and growing fandoms and to make matters worse for you, he was completely humble.
âMaking slushees princess?â His low mocking voice floating across the ice towards you reminded you immediately that humble, did not mean he was kind.
Quite the opposite actually. You and Sunghoon had both fully taken on the position of rivals in training and performance, paying more attention to each others marks than the ones of the girls you actually were being ranked against.
So despite your mutual popularity and matching affectionate nicknames given by the public, youâd yet to do any sort of collaborative stage or paired competition. Until this years national competition.
You came to a slow skate as you approached the two of them, doing a small spin before clumsily falling back against the railing and taking a deep breath. Your coach smiled over at you and your antics before putting on her serious face.
âItâs only three months before the competition guys and I know itâs not what either of you wanted and itâs a short timeframe but I need practice to start within the week.â
The practice and competition she was referring to was the fact your worst nightmare had come true last month when another soloist from your district was chosen to represent at this years comp. You had no idea why she was picked over you considering you routinely ranked higher than her but whatâs done is done.
You had come to terms with the fact you wouldnât be competing for the first time in your life, almost feeling a strange sense of relief at the thought, when Coach Suzy dropped the bomb on you that you were instead selected for the pair dance.
You werenât completely unfamiliar with skating with a partner, doing some casual dances in low scale showcases and once or twice in an actually competition, but you had a bad gut feeling about who your partner would be judging by her hesitance.
And looking back over to his smirking face now, that same nasty gut feeling was sinking back in.
It wasnât the actual performance you were necessarily worried about, Sunghoon was no doubt talented and he had more experience with partners than you. It was the enforced effort that not strangling each other everyday was going to take, that was stressing you out.
ââ
It was 4am and you were sat in the center of the rink, the cold ice against your legs and back wasnât bothering you much, only a slight distraction as you read through the script and guide for your expected performance.
Your brows were furrowed as you flipped through the pages swiftly, nearly tearing them with the force you moved them. So focused in on the words in front of you, you didnât even notice the sounds of the gates squeaking until a skate was in front of you.
Without glancing up, you sighed and flipped the booklet closed, raising it up in an attempt to hand it to the boy standing over you. You studied his signature skates with annoyance, furthering when he didnât take the paper from you.
âIâve read it.â He explained and you finally looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were tired but also seemed to be studying your reaction to the materiel. You briefly wondered if he was having a late night or an early morning as you drifted your gaze to his tight black turtleneck down to his sport pants.
âIs she kidding with this?â You scoffed and pushed off your hands so you were standing with him now. He didnât say anything, watching as you tugged down your sweater and wiped your hands off on the thick fabric. âItâs like sex on ice.â
âItâs supposed to be romantic.â He offered with a raised eyebrow and he laughed when you turned your sharp glare towards him. âItâs a staple, you know it is. And besides itâs a big deal that the ice royalty are performing together.â
You didnât miss the hint of disdain in his voice at the audience given title and you once again found yourself admiring his humbleness, despite it seemingly border-lining on insecurity occasionally.
âWhy are you here?â You found yourself asking before you even realized you were starting to speak, you pushed off into a slow skate in a loop around him and he spun softly in place to watch you as you circled him.
He shrugged softly, the sharp line of his shoulders raising and falling and you quirked an eyebrow at his lack of answer. Eventually he sighed and spoke again. âI just come here sometimes..â
Immediately you understood what he meant and why heâd be at the rink at these hours. The same reasons why instead of studying at home, you were sprawled against the cold ice that was natural for you.
Sunghoon and you had never seen eye to eye but you were undoubtedly living a lifestyle that not many people your age could relate to, and that was clear to you as you spent the earliest years of your life searching for somebody who could even half understand that reasoning behind why, sometimes, the only place to go was the skating center.
âDid you want to practice what youâve read so far or just talk.â His sharp tone was seeping into his words again, switching the atmosphere immediately and you frowned for a second before remembering who you were talking with. You scowled and laid back onto the ice, the starting position of your dance.
âOn your sideâ He said lowly as he laid down next to you, a few inches between you. You nodded, accepting that he understood the choreography better than you, and turned towards him. Your eyes followed down the slope of his nose to his eyes that were staring at the ceiling.
It felt strange to lay on the ice in such a vulnerable position and even stranger to be laying next to Park Sunghoon.
âDonât face me idiot.â He was sighing, without looking at you, and you groaned and turned onto your other side.
âMusic cue.â You whispered and he hummed in agreement. The first part of your performance was no doubt the most awkward for you, you understood the physical contact that came with stunts and pair skating but this felt unnecessary and strange.
You rolled your body across the ice closer to Sunghoon until you were climbing overtop of him, both arms out and caging his body so you didnât touch. He was holding in a laugh as he watched you and you glared down at him.
âThis is so stupid.â You muttered and and completed the roll so you were now laying on his right side, close enough to touch now. The position didnât last long because his next move was to do a similar roll overtop of you, pulling you up with him to a standing position.
âItâs romantic.â He repeated his teasing words from earlier but they felt a lot more intimate now that he was laying on top of you, peering down at you from under his floppy bangs. You suddenly felt the urge to kick him off of you.
âRaise your chest up.â He instructed and you did so robotically causing him to pause and glare at you. âAt least attempt to look graceful.â
You groaned and flopped back down against the ice, taking a breath and counting to three before once again sitting up slightly, this time putting more emotion behind your movements.
He nodded softly as he swiftly jumped to a stand over you at the same time you moved, his hands coming up behind you to rest on your shoulder blades. He was awkwardly bent over you in a frozen position, thinking about the next move.
âI forgot.â He mumbled and you sighed, pushing him backwards on his skates and bringing yourself up to stand instead of relying on him.
âI thought you read it genius.â You growled and circled back around to your abandoned script, flipping open the first page and studying it. You glanced over at him and raised an eyebrow at the zoned out look on his face. âI wrap my arms around your neck.â
He seemed to snap out of his gaze and looked over at you quickly. âYeah then I lift you, I remember.â
You sighed and shook your head in his direction, ignoring the quirk of his dark eyebrow and obvious confusion at your motion. Without another word you turned and started skating back towards the edge of the rink, preparing to silently call it a night and start again tomorrow at practice.
âSo thatâs all youâve got then?â You ignored his voice as it echoed from across the ice, by now you were far to use to his quick one lined remarks to truly let it have any effect on you. âDidnât realize you were so content with losing princess.â
The sound of the ice under your skate was almost deafening as you turned your foot and squealed to a stop, ice flakes kicking up onto your ankles from the force of the abrupt brake.
You spun around and were back in his space in seconds, eyes burning from under your sweaty bangs and he stared down at you with amusement and that competitive fire you were used to seeing from him.
âI donât lose Park.â You were spitting the words in his direction, the tips of your skates brushing against his with a soft clank that went unheard. You lifted a hand towards his chest and jabbed a finger onto the fabric of his turtleneck, causing him to softly rock backwards a few centimeters. âAnd I wonât start now so get your shit together and reread the script.â
ââ
Some mornings you felt almost robotic in the way you could wake up and be at practice before you even registered brushing your teeth, a quick blur of familiarity and installed routine.
Other mornings you wondered how much it would hurt to have to peel your skin from off your mattress, the imagery being the most accurate representation of how it felt to wake up and actually get started.
You were falling somewhere in the middle today, trudging through the lobby of the sports center with puffy eyes and jutted out lips to match. Marching past Coach Suzy, you ignored her furrowed brows.
âWhat is with the two of you today?â She was calling from behind you and you didnât need to ask her what she was talking about, catching sight of the other half of her reference already out on the ice and wearing the same clothes from when youâd last saw him. You suppose your question of late night or early morning was answered now.
After you had laced up your skates and pushed out onto the ice, he offered you a quick nod of subtle acknowledgment.
âWhat.. no morning princess?â You admit you were grumbling as you skated past him, planning to warm up with a few loops around the rink. He caught up to you as you started, skating backwards so he could face you.
âI knew you secretly liked it.â His retort caused you to scoff and turn your eyes into a glare, although you both noted the lack of usual serious intensity. You were too tired to go back and forth with him today and judging off the darkness under his eyes, he was in a similar boat.
âSheâs going to run us into the ground today.â You replied with instead, a subtle warning in your voice and he quirked an eyebrow at the casual conversation you were initiating.
âLooking forward to it princess.â
ââ
You were regretting not taking your own warning more seriously, hours had passed and most the other skaters at the center had packed up and went home, sparing you and your partner a pity filled glance as they left.
Coach Suzy had been relentlessly instructing you repeat and repeat the steps until they were perfection, even stopping you a few dozens times before youâd even completed the first move citing it was âmessy and emotionlessâ.
âWhereâs the chemistry.â She was shouting from the sidelines and you sighed loudly from your place above Sunghoon, he was holding you up by your waist for one of the smaller stunts and you felt him peering up at you. âThereâs no passion.â
âYeah, no shit.â You heard Sunghoon muttering as he gently set you back down onto the ice before, not so gently, kicking it with his blade in frustration.
You were standing still on the ice, taking a deep breath and resting your head back to look up at the glass ceiling above you, seeing the blue hue of the sun finishing setting. You wiped the sweat from your forehead and brought your attention back to your coach.
âTell us how to fake it and we will.â You told her earnestly. You were frustrated that she wasnât allowing you to fully practice the moves with eachother, despite understanding the need for a show of emotion to capture the audience, what was the point if you fell on your ass during a poorly practiced stunt.
âYou canât fake chemistry princess.â As much as you admired and respected your coach for the years of her life she dedicated towards you and your career, you couldnât help but flinch at the way she spat the title at you. Her tone was almost mocking as frustration got the best of her.
Sunghoon came into frame, skating forward and placing himself in front of you. You couldnât see his face but judging by the way your coachâs features softened over his shoulder, you imagined his expression showed he wasnât happy with the way she was speaking to you.
âI donât mean to be like this.â She shook her head and wrung her mittened hands together. âThereâs lots of reasons here why itâs important for you kids to winâŠ. Stuff we can talk about soon.â
Neither of you spoke for a bit, staring at her off in the distance and still catching your breaths from the intense practice. Sunghoon turned his head to look at you from over his shoulder and you nearly smiled at the familiar fire in his gaze. You nodded at him in confirmation.
âDonât worry, weâre winning.â
ââ
âWhat part of this are you not fucking understanding.â Sunghoonâs irritated yell was hitting the back of your head as you skated a bit away in anger, taking deep breaths and attempting to not escalate the situation. âItâs a simple cascade down, itâs not even a stunt.â
âI understand it asshole.â You were spinning around to face him, your voice coming out loud and bouncing across the ice. âMaybe if you supported me better itâd be easier to want to drop down.â
He didnât say anything for a while, watching you with downturned eyes behind his messy bangs and catching his breath slightly. Then he was shaking his head and skating towards the edge of the ice, opening the gate and looking back at you expectantly.
You watched him with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl, not understanding what he was silently insinuating or why you would cut practice short after only 6 hours. Only two days had past since the talk with your coach and if anything, youâve only gotten more hostile towards each other.
âLetâs go.â He eventually spoke with a sigh, annoyed he had to spell it out to you. âI know a place thatâs open.â
The place he was referring to was apparently a 24 hour diner placed just two blocks from the center. Youâd never seen it before and this didnât surprise you considering you rarely went anywhere besides practice and home and even more rarely ate out.
You werenât exactly sure how you felt about eating out somewhere that seemingly only served classic American grease fest and milkshakes, but Sunghoon seemed comfortable and relaxed as he slid into the booth opposite you.
You were questioning now if youâd ever seen him look so casual. Sure, he was known to be friendly and he obviously was no stranger to jokes and teasing but if you saw him here any other time, youâd think he was just a regular student without a care.
This left a weird pit in your stomach considering the fact he wasnât a regular student and neither were you, and acting like one wouldnât do you any good when it came to your future or this competition.
Still your thoughts fizzled out when the older waitress wandered over to your table, pocketing her order book with familiarity as she looked at the boy sat across from you.
âSunghoon, itâs been too long sweetie.â She was smiling brightly down at him and he was glancing at you with a half smirk, you almost sensed bashfulness in his expression. âIs this your girlfriend?â
It took you a second to realize she was referring to you, her warm motherly gaze falling to your side and cocking her head in anticipation for a response. Your mouth parted in surprise as you fumbled for an answer.
âSheâs a friend.â Sunghoon rushed out before you could, awkwardly avoiding your gaze picking at the old chipped vinyl on the table. You furrowed your eyebrows at the use of the word. Was he just avoiding more questions or did he actually consider you two to be friends?
The waitress looked between the two of you with a quirked eyebrow and you felt slight annoyance at the teasing glint in her eyes, like she knew something you didnât. You opted for staring at the table infront of you, watching Sunghoonâs anxious habit. She muttered something about getting his usual and then she was off back into the kitchen.
Sunghoon cleared his throat and you looked up at him from behind your hair. He was watching you, still with an air of awkwardness, and you once again noted how different he looked in this setting.
âWhy are we here?â You automatically felt bad at the harshness in your tone and if it was anybody else youâd apologize or take it back. But you could tell that he understood you were frustrated and tired from practice and antsy about wasting time.
âCoach said we donât have any chemistry.â He explained and you gave him a look that made him chuckle under his breath. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. âI donât know, I thought maybe we should try to have an actual conversation.â
âWe have conversations.â You butt in, shaking your head like it was an obvious statement. Youâd known the boy for almost your entire life, even if you were reluctant to admit it, youâd spoken to him more than most people you know.
âWhenâs my birthday.â His voice penetrated your line of thought and you looked back up at him, slightly shrinking at the question. âDo I have any siblings? Matter of fact, have you ever even seen me outside of the center?â
You were glaring at him as he spoke, although you couldnât deny what he was saying. You wracked your brain for any counter argument, grasping at straws. âThree years ago I saw you at a 7/11.â
âWoah.â He raised an eyebrow at this and smiled down at you, looking slightly surprised when you offered a small smile back. âWhat was I doing?â
âBuying snacks.â You gave him a disapproving stare. You werenât lying about this, much to your surprise you had caught him a few winters ago with two handfuls of restricted snacks and a jumbo soda balanced in his arm.
âAnd you didnât rat me out?â He was definitely teasing but you still thought you heard a bit of surprise and truth in his words, like he genuinely expected you to run and tell on him. âWait, why were you at 7/11?â
For a moment you considered lying, telling him you were getting pain pills or a protein bar but this new excited look on his face was silently urging you to lean into the openness of the conversation.
âIsnât it obvious? I was buying snacks.â You leaned back in the booth and crossed your arms. A loud laugh pushed past his lips and your eyes widened slightly at the sound, more used to chuckles or scoffs.
His tired gaze softened on you slightly at your surprised expression but before he could speak or continue the conversation, a second waitress was returning with your food (two orders of Sunghoonâs âusualâ).
You were staring down at the plate with a curious expression, slightly overwhelmed by the amount of food placed in front of you. You could feel his stare on you as you studied it and you lifted an eyebrow without looking up at him. âHow do you practice after eating all this?â
He snorted another laugh and unraveled his silverware, leaning forward again to cut up your pancakes. You lifted your gaze to watch him as he did this, sleeves rolled up on his arms and eyes concentrated on his task. After finishing with the pancakes, and taking half for himself, he answered your question vaguely.
âIntensely.â His reply caused you to frown slightly and you were grateful for his habit of avoiding eye contact so he didnât see the pity in your gaze.
It was no secret to anyone, and especially to you, that your sport was a tough one with intense practice and overall lifestyle. Youâd spent more time than youâd admit worrying about the health of other kids you trained with and that included Sunghoon, who always seemed to be working ten times as hard as everybody else.
âHow about once a week?â
âWhat?â He looked confused at your words and paused mid bite of his scrambled eggs, eyeing you with a question in his gaze.
âOnce a week we eat here.â You explained, awkwardly toying with a piece of bacon in front of you. âLike⊠together.â
His silence was driving you crazy and you felt your heart rate increasing with each second that he didnât respond to you, even with a rejection laugh or an awkward denial at your attempt to get closer. You reminded yourself that this was for the sake of winning and spared him a glance. He was watching you with a familiar smirk and you sighed softly.
âI knew you liked me princess.â
ââ
A few days had passed since the start of your new weekly ritual with Sunghoon, days full of practice and studying the demo video the two of you had scrapped together the week prior. You were watching it now and even though it was messy and unpolished, you felt semi proud at the way the two of you looked on the ice together.
Picturing it with more practice, the right facial expression and some competition level costumes and you were starting to understand why this was something people were looking forward to. And they definitely were.
Proven by the way a newspaper was smacked onto the ice infront of you, causing you to jump slightly before lowering the iPad and glancing at it to see a poorly edited photo of you and Sunghoon on the cover. You glared down at the paper and the latter mentioned laughed from above you.
âWeâre the talk of the town.â You could hear the smile on his face and you pushed the paper away from you.
âIâm pretty sure we have actual photos together.â You mumbled. âWhy did they edit it like that?â
You looked up in time to see him shrug and to also take in his attire. He was wearing a form fighting black turtleneck T-shirt that was tucked into his usual sport pants. Your gaze went down to his white gloves and he took notice of your stare, wiggling his fingers mockingly.
âGo change.â You frowned, standing up to reveal your similar outfit, only your shirt was white and your gloves were black, perfectly matching his in opposite colors.
He stared down at you with an annoyed expression and for a second you considered pushing him backwards on his skates, not liking that the toe of yours were nearly touching his. You decided against it at the thought he might trip and fall.
âLess talking, more practice.â You looked over at the new voice to see your coach, her hair messy from the snow outside as she unraveled her red scarf from around her neck. âOh donât you two look cute.â
You groaned at her comment referring to your matching outfits, turning and skating away from Sunghoon and over to where she was sitting along the sidelines. You vaguely heard the sound of his skates following behind you and you noted his lack of comment at her teasing remark.
âDid you see this?â You turned the paper towards her direction and she looked up in question, eyes brightening when she caught sight of what you were holding.
âOh itâs wonderful.â She chirped out and you glanced back at Sunghoon, who mirrored your look of confusion. âItâs even better than I expected.â
âSo you knew about it?â Sunghoon voice was closer than you expected it to be and you almost turned around and shoved him away before remembering your coachâs frantic need for you two to cooperate, and your deal made the other night. Still you werenât quite used to his casual presence yet.
âKnew about it? I asked for it.â She explained and you gave her an incredulous look, shifting your eyes to the photo and bold headline.
Directly above the edited photo of the both of you, adorning crowns and a few photoshopped hearts between you was the large capital words, âICE ROYALTY! ROMANCE ON ICE⊠AND OFF?â
You let a few beats pass as you stared at the cover, letting her get the read on your feelings towards the situation. âWhy on earth would you do that?â
Sunghoon was clearing his throat behind you and you were grateful that he was seemingly going to add his two cents in, in agreement against the article. âI mean⊠it gets people curious.â
Your mouth parted and you spun around to face him, this time when your skates bumped into eachother you did push him slightly backwards. He seemed to be expecting it and glided a few inches away from you easily, his relaxed expression only adding to your annoyance.
âIn what world do we need rumors and idiocy to win this?â You spat at him and his lip turned down for just a second before his eyebrows hardened. âWe should be practicing not standing here talking about stupid fake headlines.â
âOh but you seem pretty content storming out of practice whenever you get a little bit frustrated.â He spat back at you and you faltered for just a second, not expecting such anger directed back towards you. Overwhelmed, your mind shot straight to defense.
âMaybe because youâre impossible to be around.â You hissed towards him, fist clenched at your side. You both fell quiet and you shut your eyes for a second, willing him to say something back so your impulsive words werenât left hanging in the cold air between you.
âThatâs enough.â Your coachâs voice sounded tired but firm and you kept your eyes shut, regret seeping into your skin. You didnât want to see his expression, regardless if it was hatred or hurt. âNo practice for a few days, go home early.â
ââ
Not being on the ice was making your skin itch and your head feel like it was floating ten feet away from your body on a thin rope. You were thankful for the snow falling outside, accompanying you on cold walks and slightly keeping you grounded. It wasnât often you had a break from practice and maybe there was times where this was all you wanted, but something felt heavy and wrong about the way things had occurred.
You felt even worse about what you had said to Sunghoon because you had meant it. Maybe not in the way he took, as a personal hit at his character, but definitely in the way that your competitive and insecure nature had crafted up your whole life.
It was almost impossible to be calm and in the right headset with somebody who seemed to be relaxed and carefree despite living the same life as you, you who could barely get through the day without multiple stress driven outburst.
Especially now, standing outside the diner, you realized how much better of a person he was than you. If he had said those words to you, you wouldnât have shown up tonight. Maybe you would have even begged for a new partner or dramatically switched training halls.
But as you stood wrapped tightly in a thick jacket and a scarf, shaking from the cold and dark walk over here, you stared at the side of his face through the foggy window and took a deep guilty breath.
The entrance bell ringing as you pushed open the frosty door seemed louder than normal and so did the silence that screamed between the two of you as you sat down across from him. He didnât look at you as you approached and for a moment you wondered if he only came to see if you would.
Then the waitress was circling around and placing a hot drink in front of you, offering you a small smile and a head nod. You managed a confused smile back at her but raised an eyebrow at the drink you didnât order.
âItâs hot chocolate.â Sunghoon spoke and your eyes widened, shooting up towards him. He was watching you with a careful expression. âItâs cold and you donât drink coffee.â
You wondered how he knew that about you, when he had observed you enough to have a fact that small stored away. You didnât voice your confusion, giving him a small nod and taking off your gloves so you could wrap your cold hands around the warm mug.
âI can pull myself out of the competition.â You stopped mid sip as he started to speak, avoiding eye contact with you and fiddling with this thread of his fingerless mittens. âI guess I didnât realize how hard of a time you were having.â
âIâm not.â You rushed out, immediately flushing at the loud volume of your voice. He looked shocked at your words, watching as you set down the mug carefully and put your elbows on the table. âIâm not having a hard time⊠well not because of you atleast. I shouldnât have said that.â
He didnât say anything for a bit and you were curious what he was thinking about, not for the first time you found yourself wishing he was not so nice, then maybe heâd have a burst of anger and lay everything on you. You wanted him to call you spoiled or rude, anything other than that soft look he was giving you.
âIâve always had a hard time.â You donât know where it came from, the sudden personal statement causing him to tilt his head in the terrible, genuinely curious way that he did. You felt an overwhelming sense that if you didnât tell him something about you right now, that would be it.
âWith me?â His eyebrow cocked and yours furrowed.
âNo⊠or yes.â His lip quirked downwards and you hurried to finish your sentence before a repeat of the other day occurred. âNot because of you but because of me. Because Iâm jealous of you and how good you are at everything.â
He seemed to take this in for a second before a scoff escaped his lips, the smile on his face letting you know it was semi lighthearted.
âYouâre jealous of me?â His shock was genuine and he leaned back in the booth and sucked a breath in through his teeth. The loud hissing sound made you wince. âAnd all this time Iâve thought the same about you.â
âOh whatever.â You mumbled, both not believing what he was saying and not feeling comfortable at the unfamiliarity of the back and forth compliment.
âI mean it.â Something in the way Sunghoon said it made you want to believe him. âYouâre like a natural out there. Living up to your title, if I do say so myself.â
âIt doesnât feel natural, and donât forget who got the title first.â You felt a bit childish to be refusing his attempt at being civil, nice even, but that nasty insecure part of you wouldnât allow you to take any compliments from him.
âWell I was excited to be paired with you.â He raised his shoulders in a shrug and you watched him carefully from under your eyelashes. He smiled at you awkwardly when you didnât immediately respond and your lip jutted out into a pout.
âIâm sorry Sunghoon.â The words felt weighted and empty as you forced them out but you truly meant what you were saying and you hoped he could see that beneath your initial tone. He looked slightly taken back at the use of his first name.
Luckily, he nodded at you and leaned forward on his elbows again, pushing your mug back towards you with two steady fingers. You watched his hand as they came closer to your side of the table, feeling a bit embarrassed when the mug stopped infront of you, insinuating he wanted you to finish the warm liquid.
After a beat you glanced up at him and immediately dropped your gaze back down to the steamy cup at the smirk on his face, his fingers lingering for just a moment before retracting back to under the booth.
âFinish, we have work to do.â
ââ
âExactly! Thatâs exactly it right there.â Sunghoonâs excited words barely registered to you over the sound of your loud panting.
You were leaned over, elbows on your knees and eyes closed shut in an attempt to catch your breath. Youâd been going at it relentlessly the last few days, nearly perfecting the basic moves but still needing to add the flare the judges would be looking for.
Sunghoon and you had been getting along for the most part, small spurts of bickering and burst of frustration due to complicated moves but nobody has stormed out or lost any fingers, so it was a win in your book.
âAgain.â He was chiming from a few feet away and you glared up at him from behind your sweaty bangs causing him to laugh before assuming his position on the floor.
You were slowly becoming used to it now, the close proximity, the faux romance on your expressions. You were a professional and thatâs all this truly was, work. But you were feeling slightly childish about the way you couldnât get use to his hands on you.
Telling yourself it was just awkwardness, maybe even lingering animosity you were holding that made your stomach turn every time his big hand wrapped itâs way around some part of you, you laid on the ice a few feet away from him.
You routinely rolled over top of him, movements robotic as you avoided looking down at him and he tensed slightly.
When it was his turn to do the same, he paused above you and you frowned, waiting for him to move off of you so you could ease into the next portion.
Instead he stayed in place, caging you in as he balanced himself on his forearms. For a second you thought about the core strength itâd require to hold a plank on ice before shaking your head and internally scolding yourself.
âYouâre distracted.â He was saying above you and you felt his breath on your cheek, strongly opposing the cold ice your other one was pressed against. His voice was low and telling, not a question.
âNo Iâm not.â You scoffed, or atleast the best you could considering if you took a deep inhale your chest would press against his. âMaybe youâre distracted.â
He didnât say anything for a few seconds and you looked at him, still refusing to turn your head incase your noses touched. He was looking down at you intensely however and your stomach flipped again.
âI am.â His voice was firm but you looked at him just in time to see his eyes awkwardly shoot around your face, hesitation in his gaze.
You werenât fully sure what he was implying and you definitely werenât going to reply without him outright saying that it was you he was distracted by, the presumed humiliation making you furrow your eyebrows.
The thought crossed your mind that he was making fun of you, that he had someone noticed how hard it was for you to focus around him and was trying to bait a confession out of you.
You turned your head finally, not flinching at the way his nose bumped against yours or the sharp inhale he took at the sudden contact. You held his gaze for just a few seconds before starting to speak.
âGet off me Park.â
He faltered for a second like he wasnât expecting that sort of response, body completely locking above yours before quickly rolling over onto his back next to you and awkwardly sitting up.
âIâm sorry.â He rushed out and you finally took a big breath before also sitting up and avoiding looking at him. He watched as you stood completely and you felt his eyes on you. âI donât know why I said that Y/N.â
âItâs not a big deal.â You lied smoothly, keeping your voice steady and shrugging softly as you wiped off the ice shavings that was stuck on your leggings. He was still watching you and you heard him sigh in embarrassment.
âFrom the start?â He eventually muttered and you glanced over at him, shaking your head.
âI have to head out actually.â You tried to keep your tone casual but he looked pained, obviously not falling for your excuse and realizing you were leaving because of what he said. âFirst thing tomorrow?â
He didnât say anything but you knew he had heard you and started to skate off the ice, face flushing with awkwardness as you finally took a breath and accessed what had just happened.
If you werenât mistaken and he wasnât pulling some sick joke on you, which judging by his mortified reaction you highly doubted that, Park Sunghoon had just attempted to make a pass at you.
Park Sunghoon who, for the better part of your life, had done nothing but drive you absolutely crazy with anger and jealousy. The same boy who thought it was funny to tie your laces together and watch videos of your failed jumps on the waiting rooms big screen.
You were absolutely sickened by the idea of it and even worse, the fact that the red painting your cheeks was not because of anger.
Storming out from the hall into the snowy night, your stomach was twisting again with what you now fully understood was not nauseation.
It was the stone cold realization that you liked Park Sunghoon.
â-
You hadnât exaggerated on your call for early practice the next day, entering the hall before the sun had even risen yet.
It didnât help youâd spend the entire night tossing and turning and screaming into your pillow as you replayed the scenario in your head over and over, analyzing every awkward second of silence or quirk of his eyebrows.
Youâd come to the conclusion, at some point during your fourth hour of restlessness, that Sunghoon hadnât been joking and he was absolutely attempting to flirt with you or at least was testing the waters.
This realization was nothing short of crippling and you almost considered not coming in today, making faking a cough or a sore throat. But the clock was ticking on your time to practice before the competition and with this added distraction, you needed all the time you could get.
So it was driving you a bit insane as the second hour passed and Sunghoon still hadnât arrived to practice. You hadnât entered the rink yet, anxiously sitting in the locker room with your skates half tied as you rocked your knees back and forth.
You imagined he would be embarrassed, maybe he hadnât even thought before he spoke and it came across wrong, but for him to not show up at all was something you couldnât accept.
Before another minute of waiting could pass you were pulling your phone out and doing something youâve, somehow, never done before and texting him.
y/n : After all this and you arenât going to show up? I donât know about you but this is really important to me and Iâm sick of the childishness.
You sent the message before you considered how harsh it was, leaning forward and groaning as your forehead hit your knee. Your phone was clutched to your chest as you waited for the buzz to signal he responded.
It never came and you felt your heart sink to your stomach, smushing its way past the irritation and anger youâd been accumulating the past hour.
You flung your skates off with a yell, wincing internally at the loud echoed bang of them hitting the metal seats that rang throughout the room. Standing swiftly, you stuffed them into your locker and slammed it shut before turning on your heel and going to leave.
In your fury driven urgency to get outside you didnât peer around the corner before rounding it, resulting in you falling back against the floor as you smacked roughly into somebody approaching at the same time.
You let out another loud groan as you hit the floor, head striking the ground that was luckily covered in rubber mats designed for your skates blades. Still, a wave of pain washed over you at the force in which you fell.
âFuck.â To make matters worse, you immediately registered as he spoke that it was Sunghoon youâd smacked into. He was leaning down to check you, a hand jutted out in an attempt to help you up. âIâm so sorry Iâm late, something came up and-â
âI donât care.â You cut him off in a snap causing his face to drop in guilt. You ignored his outstretched hand and pushed yourself to a standing position. âIâm leaving.â
âY/N, I really am telling the truth.â He rushed out, eyes big and desperate. You glared at him and tried to move down the exit hall again, behind stopped by his large frame as he stepped sideways in your way.
âWhatever it is I canât imagine it could be more important than practice.â You felt the irony in your words as you spoke them, wanting to wince at how similar you sounded to your mother but you were acting on anger.
He seemed to realize this now, deflating with a sigh and staring down at you with his sharp eyebrows pulled to the center of his forehead.
âLet me show you.â
ââ
You werenât exactly sure how he had managed to get you here considering how hell bent youâd been on avoiding him or strictly practicing, nothing in between.
But somehow, half an hour later, and you were sat frowning in his passenger seat. Your arms were crossed in irritation and you were stiff and tight in the seat, resisting the urge to look around and analyze his car.
Truthfully you hadnât even realized he knew how to drive, although it suddenly made sense considering youâd never seen a parent of his at the rink and he always was there at odd hours of the night without the cold bitten cheeks you typically had.
Sunghoon had a strong point when he said you didnât know anything about each other, you knew it was truthful when he had said it but it was weighing on you now as you looked over at him as he drove.
He looked nervous, shoulders higher and more tense than they usually were but he was sat comfortably in his seat, only one hand on the steering wheel like heâd been driving for a long time. You wondered when he had learned, who had taught him or if maybe heâd taught himself.
Youâd never thought of Sunghoon as lonely. He was always bouncing around competitions with a bright smile, chatting with judges and opponents and even with your own mother a few times.
You remember being 15, face red and puffy from the tears youâd shed after sheâd given you a strict scolding in the bathroom after a low scale contest. He had approached afterwards, ready to throw some quick jabs and comments your way before seeing the look on your face.
Instead he had struck a conversation with her, making funny faces at you over her turned shoulder as she spoke in her familiar harsh tone. You remember laughing into your glove and then watching him as he walked away, trying to catch sight of his mom.
He seemed to know how to handle strict parents so you were curious if he was raised similarly, but you were just left confused as he left the rink by himself.
âSee that right there,â Your mother had spoken in a low voice, leaning towards you on the bench. âSome parents donât even show up to these things, you should be more grateful.â
You couldnât stop thinking about that now as you pulled into a parking lot, blue hour was settling in now as the afternoon bled on. The drive was just over an hour but it was getting darker sooner in the day as you went deeper into the winter.
He sucked in a breath and you felt him look over at you like he was waiting for you to say something about where you were. You didnât but you turned your head to meet his gaze, raising an eyebrow for an explanation.
It looked like he was considering giving you one for a second and then he changed his mind, taking his keys and getting out of the car. You watched him circle around to your side, opening your door for you and waiting for you to step out.
You silently followed him into the building, passing by a reception desk with a large man who gave Sunghoon a smile and a nod. You stared at his comfortable shoulders as he walked through the winding hallways with ease, clearly familiar with them.
The building resembled a hospital, dull colors and the buzzing of LED lights making your head spin slightly but the similarities between the people in the rooms you were passing told you what it truly was.
Sunghoon stopped infront of a room with a closed door and looked over at you, again like he was expecting you to speak. You didnât and he eventually sighed and turned to open the door after a beat.
âSunghoon? Is that you?â You stayed by the door, letting it close softly behind you, as he walked into the room and pulled back a privacy curtain that was hanging from a rod on the ceiling. You froze in place at the sight of the older woman in the bed, machines hooked around her with dull beeps and chimes.
âYeah Nana.â His voice was lower than youâd heard it before and your eyes went to him as he softly lowered himself to sit on her bed. He glanced at you and waved a hand, signaling for you to come closer.
For a second you wanted to shake your head, to back track out of the room and wait for him down the hall. You didnât understand why he would take you here, why he would show you this part of his life or what this meant.
But you let your feet fall forward and stepped into her view, breath catching when he outstretched a hand to grab your wrist and pull you closer at a faster pace. The feeling of his skin against yours combined with her questioning gaze made your face flush.
âOh.â Her mouth parted in shock and you bowed your head slightly with a smile in greeting, not fully trusting yourself to speak. âYou must be Y/N.â
Your eyes widened and you looked towards Sunghoon who had a similar expression, hanging his head so he didnât have to meet your eye.
âYouâve heard about me?â You spoke softly, a louder volume feeling intrusive in the quiet room. The lights were dimmed low and the curtains were drawn giving the space a warm calm atmosphere.
âOh he doesnât shut up about you.â She was smiling at you and reaching out a shaky hand for you to take. You went to lift your left hand and felt the weight of Sunghoonâs on your wrist still, faltering and looking at him.
He looked embarrassed and confused, like he hadnât even realized he was still holding onto you. He went to remove his grip but you twisted your hand and pulled his into yours, squeezing it tightly. You gave her your free hand instead.
It was a bit jarring to you and out of your element and you felt a bit of panic building in your throat. Being here was strange and Sunghoon being beside you was every stranger.
The weirdest part of all was the absolute care and adoration on this womanâs face, a strange youâd never seen before holding your hand with such delicacy. You felt yourself tear up slightly thinking how nice it mustâve been to grow up with such a person in your life.
You glanced at Sunghoon at this thought, you were still standing beside the bed holding both their hands while he sat and he was already looking at you. He seemed slightly taken back by your glossy eyes but he smiled at you warmly like he understood the reasoning.
And you were realizing now that he did.
It wasnât the first time it had occurred to you that he was lonely but it was definitely the first time you really processed it. Maybe it was this new found care you had for him, this pull at your heart when you thought back to the boy with nobody to see his competition performances.
âWhy are you back here sweetheart.â Sunghoonâs grandmas soft voice was speaking again and you glanced over at her, avoiding his eye contact when you felt his thumb rub the back of your hand.
You suddenly realized this was why he was late, obviously held up in a visit or maybe a medical emergency. Guilt hit you as you remembered your harsh tone and processed the fact he had driven the hour to practice and then turned around and brought you back here.
âI thought it was probably time the two of you met.â He lied naturally, squeezing your hand as if he was signaling for you to go along with it. You didnât say anything, too busy wondering what all she knew about you, how long had you been a subject of conversation between the two.
You canât imagine all the conversations were pleasant but her eyes held absolutely no sign of disdain or malice.
âYou two must be so busy.â The soft croak in her voice made your stomach hurt and she shakily squeezed your hand causing you to do the same to Sunghoonâs in a ripple effect. You realized she was looking at you for a response.
âIt isnât too bad.â You assured her, smiling softly and you faintly heard Sunghoon scoff from beside you. You glared quickly at him and he lifted his free hand in mock surrender.
âI know itâs tiring.â His grandma was continuing and you looked back over at her, her eyebrows turning inwards. Her expression was shockingly similar to his and you let a heavy silence fall between the three of you.
You were once again wondering what type of things they talked about, if she was looking pained at the thought of her grandsons tiring lifestyle or if he had mentioned something about you and your own strict regimen.
It didnât feel like the time to ask questions and you especially didnât think you had the right to curiosity.
Youâd shown Sunghoon a lot of coldness in the past few days despite his multiple attempts to get closer, and through that all he still had brought you to such an intimate personal place.
âI wonât keep you long.â Sunghoon and his grandma had been having a low voiced conversation while you were deep in thought but she was louder now, catching your attention and giving you a gentle knowing look.
You squeezed her hand one final time as a goodbye, not fully trusting yourself or your voice. Sunghoon was standing then, shoulder bumping against yours and you were overwhelming aware of the fact he was still holding your hand.
You welcomed it, feeling cold and bitter when the door opened to reveal the harsh white of the nursing homes lights that sharply contrasted Mrs. Parks yellow tinted room.
Without thinking you were pulling his arm closer, so your left hand was wrapped in his and your right arm was holding his sleeve against your chest, practically hugging his arm as you walked.
If the sudden closeness shocked him he didnât show it, not making a move to remove you even as you passed back through the lobby and out the front doors.
It was darkening now despite it barely being 5pm, the short light of winter days making you colder than youâd ever been. The irony of the princess of the ice saying that didnât miss you.
He paused when you reached his car and you felt him look at you. He was obviously trying to get a gauge of what you wanted to do considering you were glued to his side. You let him go reluctantly and walked swiftly to the passenger side before pulling yourself up into the car.
He was sitting down by the time you pulled your seatbelt on, starting the engine but not making any move to drive or fully situate himself. You imagined he was waiting for you to say something again and this time you didnât want to disappoint him.
âSheâs nice.â You felt pathetic as you spoke the words, nice not beginning to describe the situation or how you felt but you fell short like always when it came to affection.
Luckily he seemed to know exactly what you meant, something he did a lot you were realizing. He seemed to know when you were truly mad versus just tired and frustrated, he knew your distaste for coffee and he knew how to make you laugh despite your moms scolding.
You watched him as he nodded and tried to contain a fond smile for his grandma, biting his lip softly and forming a small dimple on his cheek.
âDo you come here a lot?â You were talking again and this seemed to take him off guard for just a second before he was neutralizing his expression like he was worried heâd scare you off.
âEveryday.â He was humming and leaning his head back against the seat, turning it lazily to look over at you. Your eyes followed up his jaw to his eyes just in time to see him quirk an eyebrow. âIf I can.â
âAnd you talk about me?â
He snorted a laugh at your bluntness and the suggestion behind your words, eyes squeezing shut in a chuckle. You found yourself almost entranced studying his features.
âNot all the time princess.â The familiar pet name caused a similar reaction to normal, blood surging and stomach turning. You tried to ignore the fact it wasnât driven by anger like it typically was, something much heavier replacing it now.
âBut sometimes?â You pressed forward and leaned your elbow onto the middle console as the leather creaked under the weight. The noise caused his eyes to snap open and look at you, realizing you were closer now as you leaned in his space.
He hummed again and his eyes tracked down your face, similarly to the way you were studying him. âYeah, sometimes.â
You didnât say anything, a bit lost for words now that he was looking at you. It had never passed by you that he was handsome, probably the most striking person youâd ever seen in your life but without the usual cloud of anger fogging your mind, he was especially alluring.
âWhat do you say?â You voice came out as a whisper, almost falling forward from how far you were leaning on your elbows. He wasnât moving in his seat, watching you unconsciously come closer with tired eyes.
He shrugged and lifted an eyebrow, hand falling forward on the middle console as he let a finger unravel and skim across your forearm.
âWhat do you say Sunghoon.â You ignored the goosebumps that his touch caused, questioning him further. You almost didnât care about his answer anymore, you just wanted to hear him talk again.
His gaze hardened at the use of his first name, shifting in his seat but not turning his body to face yours. He kept his head turned towards you however, letting your breath fan his face every time you took a shaky exhale.
âNothing bad.â He was speaking in a low tone, not fully paying attention to the conversation anymore.
âI want to hear though.â
âI wanna kiss you.â He tensed for a second as the words found their way out of his mouth without him meaning for them to. His shoulders relaxed seeing the way your mouth parted in shock.
You felt like a cold tidal wave had hit you as he spoke, face heating up and then more so when his eyes fell towards your open mouth.
A large part of you instinctively wanted to shut him down, wanted to lean back in your seat and tell him to start the car and prepare for the awkward trip back to the training center.
The other part of you liked the way he looked in a darkening car and less shallowly, liked how he smiled at you when you held his grandmas hand despite you letting out your frustration on him only hours earlier.
âThatâs what you and your nana talk about?â You smiled at him as you spoke, a teasing tilt in your voice. Your smile only widened when he let out a breathy laugh and pressed his forehead against yours.
âIf I kiss you right now will it ruin everything.â He was whispering and you were suddenly aware of how silent it was in the car, wishing for a low buzzing radio to fill the gaps.
âIt might.â You whispered back to him and you felt him raise his eyebrows against yours causing your lips to jut out in a pout.
You felt his fingers dancing along your forearm again and you felt the sudden urge to hold his hand again.
âAfter we win the competition Iâll kiss you.â He sounded slightly pained in his words but you heard that familiar competitive fire that was typically directed towards you.
âOr you could do it now.â You felt slightly pathetic at the whine in your voice and he made it even worse by smiling at the sound of it.
âIf I do it now we might not make it home.â He had a slight groan to his voice and your stomach flipped again.
You hastily shifted your arm off the middle console to fumble around for his hand, opting for wrapping your grip around his wrist again. He glanced down at it for a second before looking back up at you.
Slightly embarrassed, you felt your cheeks heating up at your actions but the warmth of his smooth skin was addicting now that youâd actually felt it outside of practice with skin tight clothes. Paired with his suggestive words and you were a goner when it came to common sense.
âHow good is your self restraint?â You eventually opted for another teasing comment, not quite sure you were charming enough to directly respond to his comment without embarrassing yourself.
âWhen it comes to you?â His eyes flashed with something and you briefly wondered how long heâd been thinking about this or if it was as recent of a development as it was for you. âTerrible.â
âI want to⊠kiss you too.â You almost face palmed at your own words, how utterly stupid and childish they sounded. He had to have figured you didnât know how to do this, heâd only spent your entire life seeing how busy you constantly were.
He smiled at you, a genuine toothy smile that made you want to scream in embarrassment. Luckily he didnât seem to be making fun of you and was just genuinely amused by your awkward comment.
And he was. He liked seeing sides of you heâd only caught in passing, he liked that you were teasing back with him and not pulling away or snapping into fight mode at his presence. He especially liked the way your small hand was gripping tightly onto his wrist like you were so desperate to touch him, he wasnât allowed to remove it for even a minute.
âWeâve gotta head back princess.â You could tell by the way he said that it was his final decision but you relished in the impatience in his eyes.
He leaned back in his seat again, leaving you leaned over the console still and short of breath before flopping back against the leather and waiting for him to pull out of the parking lot.
A few seconds of silence passed and you looked at him in question, raising an eyebrow at the fact he was looking at you in waiting. You followed the way his eyes looked down and saw his hand outstretched towards you.
You definitely were bright red now, looking away but taking his hand in yours as he finally started the drive back home.
â
Heâd pulled up to the center after an hour of silence and shy hand squeezes. You were thankful for his silence, more than anything needing a bit of time to think about what had happened in the past few days.
It didnât seem like it was weighing on him as much, he seemed nervous and excited but not as much thrown off as you felt. You wondered if there was a reasoning behind that or if you he was just really good at pretending to be casual.
You were terrible at being casual, further proved by the way youâre nearly choked as his hand found itâs way to the small of your back while leading you through the parking lot and into the building.
A week ago you would have thrown him off of you and said something about how you already knew the way in and didnât need him to show you.
You thought about it for a second, just a small second, when you passed through the lobby and your coach came into view. She was practically blowing smoke as she caught sight of the two of you and started to shake her head in anger.
âOh so now you show up.â She spat and you froze in place, step faltering at the aggressive way she was approaching. âYou think you can just skip a whole entire afternoon of practice just because youâve gotten some good scores in your career.â
Your frown was deepening and you felt the childish urge to curl in on yourself. Youâd been in such a happiness cloud since this morning and you felt like youâd been pushed off a sharp cliff back into reality.
And she was absolutely right. It was stupid to skip practice even if it proved to be extremely important and beneficial to you.
âWatch what you say.â Sunghoon was spitting back at her and taking a small step forward, his hand sliding from your back to rest on your waist. Her eyes followed the movement but you couldnât read her expression.
âDistracted.â She spat the single word, knowing the impact of it. Knowing that was the one thing you were not supposed to be, absolutely never allowed to be. âYouâre fucking distracted.â
âAnd so what if she is.â Youâd never heard Sunghoon so angry and you wanted to grab his shoulder and pull him back, wanted to calm him down so he didnât get reprimanded too. âSheâs spent everyday of her entire life focused on one thing, it was barely a few hours.â
âA few hours turns into more.â She was practically screeching now and a few other skaters were sending you apologetic glances and scurrying away. âThis is a distractionâ
You felt tears well up as she gestured between the two of you, a look of anger and disgust on her face.
âArenât you the one who paid for this.â You were confused what Sunghoon was referring to before you remembered the news article she had ordered. A surge of anger flashed through you at the reminder, the pure hypocrisy in what she was saying.
She could spin your love life however she pleased when it was beneficial to her and her career overview but forbids you from actually spending any time with anybody other than the ice.
You didnât want to listen to her anymore, squeezing Sunghoonâs arm in an attempt to draw his attention away and calm him down. He didnât look at you for a second, keeping his hard glare locked on her.
She wasnât his coach so there wasnât anything she could directly do to punish him. Nothing besides her ability to pull you from the pair skate or request a different partner for you, severely hurting your chances of winning and his yearly average.
âI told you about this.â Her voice was nearly a whisper with the way she hissed it through her clenched teeth. You thought she was talking to you for a second but she was holding Sunghoonâs gaze tightly.
Your hand fell from his arm in confusion, not understanding what she was referring to.
âI donât give a fuck what you told me.â He spat back and took a small step back towards you again.
You took a step to the side before you even realized you were moving away from him, only processing it when he turned to look at you with a hurt expression. You felt guilty but something about the unknown of their words was leaving a heavy pit in your stomach.
âY/N, we can talk about this laterâŠ. Alone.â Your coach was sighing and despite your anger with her you were glad she knew when to remove herself from a situation.
You held Sunghoonâs gaze as she walked off, presumably leaving the center. He spared a quick glance in her direction to make sure she was gone before looking back at you with that same expression.
âWhatâs wrong.â His voice was weak and confused, a sharp contrast to the way he was just throwing daggers at Suzy.
âWhat is she talking about?â
He seemed thrown off for a second, taking a second to think before understanding passed over his face. He took a step towards you, a hand jutted out in your direction. Your lips formed a frown but you took his hand and waited for him to speak.
âAt the beginning of the season,â He cleared his throat and your stomach turned with nerves. Maybe she had instructed him to flirt with you, to attempt closeness with you for a better performance. âBefore she officially picked me, she sat me down and told me I needed to keep my feelings out of it.â
âWhat feelings?â You shook your head in confusion, still not fully understanding. âLike with the way we fight? That doesnât make any sense, wouldnât she be happy to see us civil then?â
âIt wasnât about that.â He sighed and you watched his cheeks slowly redden as his eyes anxiously shifted to avoid looking at you. âShe said she could tell I⊠was into you and she didnât want me to become something you focused on outside of being your skate partner.â
You pondered the thought of what he was saying for a few beats of silence, almost feeling more confused at the explanation. If you were correct then he seemed to be insinuating existing feelings towards you, and enough for other people to notice.
âThis isnât how I wanted this to happen.â He sighed again and you felt his hand uncomfortably flex in yours. âAll these years of working up the nerve I figured it would be some big romantic gesture.â
He was telling a joke but his voice lacked all humor, a hint of anger seeping in like his plans had been ruined.
âWhat the hell are you talking about Sunghoon.â Your voice was breathy and slightly irritated, sick of everybodyâs vague wordings. âYou sound like youâre inlove with me or something.â
Your scoff trailed off when he didnât say anything. You had expected him to laugh at the thought, say a teasing remark or anything at all. He stopped looking around and watched you with a strange expression, like he was waiting for you to piece things together.
You felt your mouth parting softly and you slowly dropped his hands, he didnât try to grab yours again and gave you your space as you tried to process what he was seemingly saying.
Park Sunghoon seemed to be insinuating, or atleast not denying the fact, that he was inlove with you and had been for more than a few years.
The thought of this made you feel sick and dizzy and you almost grabbed him for support as your knees weakened.
You werenât quite sure if it was a good sick or a bad sick. On one hand you were excited, your newly discovered liking towards him and desperation to explore this new territory driving forward the giddiness you felt at the thought of him liking you back.
On the other hand you felt disgusted. Both at yourself for missing the signs, maybe spending years hurting him with your rude comments and refusal to learn anything about him. But also at him for not telling you or even hinting it from what you could see, half the fights youâd gotten in throughout the years had been started by him.
âSince when?â Your voice came out stern and his eyes creased at the way your face scrunched up in confusion and anger.
He was shaking his head and taking a step towards you, immediately backtracking when he realized he had done so. You were watching him and waiting for a response that you werenât sure was coming considering he was starting to look pained at the thought of telling you.
âIt doesnât matter.â He proved you right as he continued to shake his head. âItâs not a distraction, you only knew because I fucked up the other day at practice.â
âThat was a fuck up?â You scoffed at him, anger making you ignore the fact that he was right and you yourself had treated it like he made a mistake.
âIt shouldnât have happened like that. I waited all this time it was selfish for me to do it now, I donât know why I did.â He was trying to explain himself but it was just confusing you further. âI just couldnât help myself, I donât know, being around you like this is making me feel crazy.â
He was talking like a lovesick teenager and your stomach was lurching at the fact that might just be the case.
You donât understand how he hid it so well, or even when he had started to realize his feelings and plan to keep them a secret. Why would he put himself through such a thing for so long and then risk it all by accepting to be your partner.
A wave of guilt washed over you again as you raked through all your memories with Sunghoon with this new added knowledge. He mustâve been so hurt while pretending like he didnât care that you were so mean to eachother.
âPlease tell me since when.â You tried to soften your voice, your anger not even directed at him in the first place just the circumstance.
âI donât know.â His voice broke when he said it like it was a question heâd asked himself a dozen times. He took a big breath and deflated. âProbably since the first time I saw you with your little pink skates, who knows.â
You didnât say anything for a few seconds and were suddenly hyper aware that you were having this conversation in the middle of the lobby, tears brewing in your eyes as your hands started to shake.
âIâm sorry Y/N.â Sunghoonâs voice was desperate and earnest, like he felt guilty for falling inlove with you which made you feel ten times worse about the whole situation.
âWill you take me home?â You looked up at him with wet eyelashes just in time to see shock pass over his face. He clearly wasnât expecting such a casual conversation change, especially one that entailed you spending more time alone together today.
Still, he softened as he looked at you and nodded his head slowly like he was waiting for you to change your mind. You both stood still even after his agreement, in a slight daze from the intense emotions youâd been feeling. He nodded again, more to himself this time, and you felt his hand against the small of your back starting to lead you back outside.
Neither of you spoke when you felt the cold air outside and still when he opened the passenger door for you and helped you climb into seat. He watched you for a second before closing the door and circling the car to get into his own spot.
It felt dramatically different in the space than it had only a few hours before, the giggly excited tension replaced with silence and heavy air. You were so out of it you didnât even notice he didnât ask for directions to your apartment.
When you realized youâd been driving for a few minutes you were confused, wondering when he had learned the way to your place, before realizing you werenât heading in the direction youâd normally come from.
You immediately figured he was taking you to his house instead and for some reason you didnât want to object. Despite being confused and angry and feeling slightly betrayed at this kept secret, you were comfortable and familiar in his presence and almost felt addicted to being around him.
Besides you know that there was nothing this warm and caring waiting for you back home. If your mother was there at all, she was bound to throw a massive fit over you missing practice.
It was worrying to you that you couldnât find a single piece of care inside of you about missing practice. If anything, your chest was light and airy underneath all the pain and you werenât sure itâd ever felt this stress free in your life.
You were slowly understanding why you were never given a break, why a day off was unacceptable. Maybe they were fearful youâd fully realize how much better youâd feel without this force of pressure and expectation.
Sunghoon wasnât the reason you were distracted, at least not from the competition, and once you were able to speak again you wanted him to understand that.
Eventually you were pulling up to an apartment building, similar to yours but slightly on the other side of town. Sunghoon was looking over at you again, waiting for a sign you were ready to get out of the car.
You opened your own door and briefly saw him nod from the corner of your eye, unbuckling his seatbelt and hopping outside back into the bitter air.
You awkwardly followed behind him as he unlocked the main set of doors with a keycard, walking down a long plain hallway until he stopped at a door with a small penguin welcome mat infront of it. He looked at it and then back at you and he seemed pleased at the amusement in your eyes.
When he unlocked the door you were suddenly hit with the fact you were about to see where he lived and quickly wondered who he lived with. You werenât sure you were ready to hold an awkward conversation with his parents about why you were going in their sons room.
You realized immediately upon walking in, however, that that was not the case at all. The apartment was comfortable but small, far too small to house a family even if he had no siblings. You watched him kick his shoes off into a slot in the empty rack and hang his keys up on the singular hook.
He started down the entrance hallway before stopping when he realized you werenât following behind him. He looked over his shoulder at you and tensed up at the sad expression on your face.
âWhat?â The tone of his voice told you that he already knew what you were thinking without you having to say it.
âI didnât know you lived alone.â You tried to keep the pity out of your words, a casual tone coming off awkward and deliberate.
He scoffed at your attempt and for a moment you were reminded of who exactly you were standing here with, a glimpse of the familiar rival you were more used to startling you slightly.
He didnât say anything in response, just waving a hand to signal for you to move into the main living space. You followed quickly after removing your shoes, taking in the larger room with widened eyes.
Something about it was very Sunghoon, despite being plain and quiet. The yellow toned lights and CDâs on the coffee table catching your attention as you shuffled into the warm room.
âYou seemed out of it.â He was starting from behind you. He didnât sound close but a chill ran through you at the thought of him watching you. âI didnât feel right bringing you home alone, I hope thatâs okay.â
You turned to look at him and your heart tugged at his sad tired expression. He was looking at you intensely, you figured it must be weird to see you in such a familiar setting. You jutted a hand out in his direction and he looked down at it with surprise.
âI didnât want to go home.â Your voice was low and soft, the silence of the room outside of the heater running was reminding you of his grandmaâs and it felt wrong to have a higher volume.
His head cocked slightly but he took your hand in his, letting out a shaky breath when you squeezed it tightly and pulled on his hand so heâd come closer to you. He was standing far away so your arms were stuck straight out, like he wasnât sure he was actually allowed to touch you.
You tugged him again and he stumbled closer to you, his big hand instinctively coming to rest on your waist and then falling again in a haste. You frowned at his reaction and then realized he must be feeling confused.
âWhat are you thinking about?â You kept your voice quiet and soft and he looked down at you with that same pained expression. You let go of his hand and put both of yours flat on his chest, feeling the way his heart beat raced and hiccuped.
You were once again impressed by his ability to mask how he felt, if you werenât looking at him so intensely or touching him, youâd have no idea he was feeling this upset.
âI donât know.â He whispered and he sounded honest. His hand hesitatingly went back to your waist, feeling awkward at the way his arms dangled at his sides while you touched him.
âI want to be here.â You felt the sudden urge to reassure him on this despite not being sure if thatâs what was bothering him or just the situation in general.
âFor how long?â Frustration laced his words and you didnât understand for a few seconds. First you assumed he meant how long you wanted to stay but you quickly realized he was asking how long youâve wanted to be around him.
You felt guilt creep up considering you werenât sure what answer to give him because you werenât even sure yourself when things had changed for you. You donât think it was a sudden dramatic realization after he tried to flirt with you like you originally thought.
Thinking back on your life now, Sunghoon and this rivalry has been the most consistent thing youâve ever known. Youâd search for him at competitions and youâd spend weekends thinking about what insults to throw at him next time you saw him.
This couldâve been a childish fued, maybe even bordering on actual dislike sometimes, if it wasnât for everything else.
You were no stranger to finding him attractive, bitterly acknowledging it every time you saw him. You remember when you were entering your teens and he was shooting up in height and his features were sharpening, scrolling his instagram at the time and scowling at photos of him surrounded by similarly attractive people.
You thought back to staring at his hands in the diner and the fondness you felt watching him juggle an armful of forbidden snacks in that 7/11. A fondness that left you so dazed you had completely forgotten to act as an enemy and rat him out to the coaches.
As hard as it was to admit, even to yourself, you werenât ice skating because it was your passion. It didnât get you out of bed in the morning or light a fire under your skin in excitement. You did it because it was what people wanted for you and because you liked to win, you liked how people talked about you when you won.
Sunghoon was a breath of fresh air from the pressure, he never cared if you won or lost, in fact he didnât want you winning half the time.
He didnât talk to you like you were a project, a robot prodigy who didnât have room for love or care and he didnât walk on eggshells around you like you were some royal princess needing only the best treatment.
You wouldnât sit here and tell Sunghoon you knew how heâs felt all these years, you wouldnât lie and say youâd been pining over him too and it has always been set in stone for you but a large part of you feels like maybe you knew it all along.
âI canât say.â You answered honestly even if it wasnât what he wanted to hear. âBut I am here now Sunghoon.â
You felt his hands tensing against your sides, instinctively squeezing like he was worried youâd disappear now. You wanted to ask him the things you should have years ago, you wanted to know why he lived alone and how long heâs come back to this empty room after hours of hard practice.
You felt guilty again for missing the signs. His familiarity at a random diner, clearly frequently there alone. Always being at the rink at random times like nobody was expecting him home or worried he was overworking himself.
Another part of you was relieved now, holding this knowledge tightly with the determination to change this and be there for him regardless if you yourself were considering not returning to the ice.
âI shouldâve told you sooner.â He was saying and shaking his head. It was strange seeing him so self deprecating.
âYou told me now.â You affirmed and one of your hands slid up his chest to hold his face, making him look at you and see the sincerity in your eyes. âI know now and I didnât go anywhere.â
He nodded and you were worried he was going to cry, eyes shaking as he looked down at you and leaned into your touch against his cheek.
So you did the one thing you could think of, the thing you were practically craving only a few hours earlier, and you surged forward on your toes to kiss him.
He was taken back by your sudden proximity, tensing up when he felt your lips against his and then more so when you rocked back onto your flat feet and awkwardly waited for him to say something.
His mouth parted a few times like he was going to speak but after a second or two passed his eyes were hardening with that familiar determination and he was kissing you.
Kissing you with a desperation of somebody whoâd been thinking about it for a long time, hands sliding behind your back to pull you closer and tighter against him.
You smiled against him, his mouth sliding against yours as he kissed you deeper. Your hand that was on his face went to his hair and you felt a shudder run through him at the feeling.
He pulled back to look at you, pressing his forehead against yours like he did in the car and breathing heavily as he looked down at you.
âI love you.â He rushed it out like it was his only chance to say it and then immediately shut his eyes tight like he was embarrassed. âYou donât need to say anything back I just needed to finally say it out loud to someone other than my grandma.â
âAre we going to talk about your grandma everytime youâre about to kiss me?â You laughed and he smiled at you, squeezing your front against him.
âNo definitely not.â And he kissed you again.
ââ
The next week was probably the most stressful of your entire life, which was pretty impressive considering how your childhood and early adult years were basically one big intense competition.
Having to tell not only your coach for the last decade that you were quitting, but also your mother, was probably scarier than any stunt you could attempt.
Coach Suzy, as it turns out, seemed to be expecting it and told you that she was planning to retire once this yearâs competitions were over. She apologized for being so harsh on you at times and especially for losing her temper due to her own stress and insecurities.
You forgave her and wrapped her in a tight hug but you could feel Sunghoon glaring at her from behind your back.
Sunghoon had been beyond helpful during the process, both legitimately with the paper work it required and removing yourself from data and emotionally. It wasnât easy to admit to yourself you were done doing the only thing youâd ever been good at.
âYouâre good at lots of things.â He was telling you for probably the tenth time this week. You were laying in his bed, hand in his as he played with your fingers.
Youâve learned a lot about him with all the time youâve been spending, not everything of course but every new bit of information was exciting to you. You liked seeing him in different moods and settings, this one being your favorite.
You liked him best like this, his now dark hair messily splayed against his pillow, still smelling like sleep and the coffee on his bedside table. You liked the way his fingers sleepily played with the shirt you were wearing, which was of course his, and tugged on it.
âYeah but I donât know what.â You were sighing and rolling onto your stomach so you could look at him directly
He was smiling at you with a lazy toothy grin, sitting up just a little against the headboard to be able to see your face better. He leaned his head back and shrugged.
âYou never had a chance to be good at something else, it doesnât mean youâre not princess.â You flushed at his casual words and he noticed, leaning down to kiss your head and laugh. âI knew you liked that.â
âShut up.â You were grumbling and resting your chin on his chest once he sat back again. âMaybe I did a little but I almost gagged the first time it made me blush.â
He was letting out a throaty laugh and you felt your face vibrate as his chest moved making you laugh quietly with him. He looked pretty like this and you liked the way his dark hair looked, having gone so long without seeing it.
Your tired laughs naturally died down and you turned your head so your cheek was on his chest instead, feeling him breathe and listening to his heart pick up in speed every so often.
âWill you come with when I talk to my mom?â You werenât embarrassed at the childish hint in your voice, knowing heâd understand why this was way scarier than the other parts.
âAnything for you.â He was still smiling at you but he sounded serious, hand in your hair now as he played with it and kept it out of your face.
It made your stomach flip when he said it because you knew he meant it. Heâd been beyond caring and helpful even letting you stay with him, doing quick stops at your apartment after youâd made sure your moms car wasnât around so you could get some clothes and necessities.
He didnât seem to mind the company at all, always smiling at you in the mornings and when he came home from the rink to the sight of you on his couch watching a movie or doing the dishes in the kitchen.
Heâd even taken you to see his grandma a few more times. He really did mean it when he said he went every day, only missing a single night when it all hit you and you couldnât stop crying. You felt awful the next morning heâd stay with you and begged him to apologize to her for you when he asked you to come along.
She had a soft knowing smile when you walked in behind him, patting her bed for you to sit and giving you advice on what to say to your mother.
âSheâs your mother honey, sheâll love you no matter what you choose to do.â She had whispered to you and you felt your heart crack with the knowledge that wasnât quite true.
âHer moms a lot like dad.â Sunghoon was mumbling from behind you, he was standing with his hands on your shoulder as you sat on the bed. You werenât quite sure what that referred to but his grandmas mouth parted in understanding.
âThen thereâs nothing you can do.â Her sharp flip in opinion made you glance back at Sunghoon. He gave you a look like he would explain later and you hesitantly looked away. âYou canât live for her, thereâs no right there. You need to live for yourself and accept that relationship as a loss.â
You were replaying her words in your mind on a loop as you stood outside your door, suddenly feeling like a stranger who needed to knock before entering. It was never homely but this was the first time you truly realized how cold it felt here.
You knew Sunghoon was right behind you, giving you some space incase you were overwhelmed or felt like you needed to change your mind, but you reached your hand back for confirmation and took a deep breath when you felt his warm hand in yours.
Waiting with baited breath, your knuckles stung from the knocks against the door. You were bouncing your foot anxiously and counting each second before she opened the door.
For just a split second you saw shock and relief pass over her face before it was twisting up in anger and disgust.
âHow dare you come here?â She was spitting towards you and you wanted to flinch back away from her, holding your resolve and letting her finish her comments. âAnd with him of all people.â
When she turned her murderous gaze towards Sunghoon, something was set off in you and you stepped to the side to block him from her view with a glare. She seemed taken back by this, used to you being paralyzed by guilt and fear.
âIf youâre here to apologize I donât want to hear it.â She hissed at you after the shock passed, her anger only building now at your defiance.
âI have nothing to apologize for.â You spat back at her, stuttering slightly with anxiousness. You felt Sunghoon squeeze your hand in his and take a step closer to you and you took a deep calming breath before continuing with a stronger tone. âI didnât do anything wrong. Iâm here to get my stuff and then we wonât have to see each other again.â
You werenât sure where this came from, not having made any plans with Sunghoon to stay with him longer. A wave of insecurity hit you at the idea you were overstaying your welcome and he was going to deny you, leaving you with no choice but to find somewhere else to stay with. You had some distant family but you canât imagine theyâd be too ecstatic about taking on an adult with no job.
âAnd where on earth are you planning to go.â Your mother did what she did best and caught sight of your insecurity, magnifying it with a knowing sneer. âNobody will want you, âex prodigyâ wonât get you in anywhere.â
âSheâs staying with me.â Sunghoonâs voice came from over your shoulder and you felt his front press against you, his hand on your shoulder to steady you. He was having a hard time seeing you like this, anger surging through him as he watched you go weak from fear.
âI want her and she can stay for as long as she needs to. We are just here to get her stuff, like sheâs already told you.â His voice was hard and dark, your moms eyes flashing up at him with angry eyes as he spoke so firmly.
She didnât say anything for a few seconds and you almost thought sheâd turn you away and leave you with absolutely nothing to your name. Eventually, however, she took a step to the side of the doorway and waved the two of you in.
Sunghoon gave you a loaded glance once you were in your living room, you nodded at him and he made his way down the hall to your room while you stayed back with your mother.
âI see he knows his way around.â She scoffed at you and glared at his back as he walked away.
âItâs my house too.â You muttered back at her. âHe hasnât done anything wrong.â
âHe ruined you.â She barely let you finish your sentence before she was snapping at you, a finger being raised and pointed in your face. âThis is all his fault.â
âThis is your fault.â You felt tears well up in your eyes again and shook your head. âIf you stopped being a coach and tried being my mother for just one second you wouldâve realized that before it was too late.â
âYou think heâll keep you around?â She was twisting her face with a nasty sneer as she took another step towards you. âRegardless how I feel about him, that boy is talented. You think heâll want you even when heâs an Olympic winner and youâre working a part time job?â
You knew she was wrong, that everything she was saying was so out of Sunghoonâs character and would disgust him just at the thought. But her ability to look into the deepest part of you and see your darkest fears caused you to tense up.
âHe loves me.â Was all you could bring yourself to say, willingly him to hurry up and come back out here so the two of you could leave already.
âYeah, love.â She laughed at the word like the idea of anybody loving you was ridiculous. âYou donât think I loved you? You think this was all for me⊠that I wanted to be a mean coach.â
She didnât seem to notice her own contradictions, calling herself your coach right after saying she had loved you. She was getting angry again, wanting to continue this argument and prove you wrong. You were exhausted of it, knowing what Sunghoonâs grandma said was completely right.
âYou didnât love me.â Your voice was firm and certain, leaving no room for denial. âBut not because of anything I did wrong.â
You saw Sunghoon over her shoulder, waiting in the hallway with a few boxes and a backpack over his shoulder. He was trying not to listen in on your conversation but also seemingly ready to step in.
He caught your eye and you smiled at him, despite your teary eyes, he could tell you felt relieved and that you were ready to move on from this part of your life. There was no right path here, and in skating, and that was okay.
Your mother didnât say anything else, not even when he came over to you or when you held the door for him so he didnât drop any of your boxes. She didnât close the door after youâd left and you didnât look back at her as she watched you get in his car and drive away from the only home youâd known.
âI donât actually have to stay with you if itâs not okay.â You were whispering while he drove. âThank you for saying it though, saved me from a lot of embarrassment.â
He looked over at you like youâd gone crazy, frowning and shaking his head. He was taking a hand off the wheel and grabbing your still shaky one that was resting on your knee.
âOf course you can stay with me princess.â His voice was serious but warm and you squeezed his hand in yours, suddenly overwhelmed with care and affection.