JUNO/ZINE

“I’m angry with you, god. Why are you doing this to me? What do you want?”

[junosfilmjournal]

about the owner!!

juno, 21, he/they ⚧ i really love talking about movies (autism), so why not have an acc solely about movies? my love for film has been alive since i was young and it has intensified throughout the years. here are a few facts about me before i start posting:

top 3 movies i will never stop loving: juno (2007), may (2002), raw (2016)

top 3 movies rn: fat girl (2001), the long goodbye (1973), stress positions (2024)

favorite directors: sofia coppola, julia ducournau, pedro almodóvar, céline sciamma, and jane schoenbrun

favorite actors: audrey hepburn, cate blanchett, paul mescal, hunter schafer, ayo edebiri, and julianne moore

[cherry-nosebleed]

stills — Longlegs, 2024

[seresa]

secretary (2002)

[junosfilmjournal]

justine and alex, raw (2016) dir. julia ducournau

[junosfilmjournal]

my review for mutt (2023) dir. vuk lungulov-klotz

this is my first time seeing someone like me (a gay, latino trans guy) on screen. we barely get represented in film and i couldn't stop crying while watching. i'm also glad that feña's unlikable. it made me like him even more. trans people are always put into this box on who we're supposed to be. trans men are regarded as a "safe type of man" because we were born female. whether it's intentional or not, it's obvious the people who say that don't see us as men, but as gender non-conforming women. more trans men need to be assholes!

there were so many parts of this movie that were painfully relatable that it was just hilarious. i had the same conversation with my 11-year-old niece, who's basically my little sister, that feña had with his sister. she was my first and only family member who didn't look at me like i was crazy. if anything, she rolled her eyes at me because she already knew due to the trans flag in my room. she told me "okay? i have gay friends.", which just made me laugh.

his relationship with his parents is like mine but reversed. my mother wants to be supportive, but she just doesn't understand what being transgender is. i've been out for more than a year and my mother has only called me her son once. she still uses my deadname and misgenders me. in the beginning, i would remind her not to, but i've grown tired of that. we got into so many arguments over it. they would always end with me sobbing while she told me it was hard for her too. she still has her moments though. i'll never forget when we were shoe shopping together and i saw the cutest mary jane platforms. i gathered up the courage to tell my mother i wanted them, but it didn't change the fact that i'm a boy. she told me, "i don't fully get you, but i know." that was the first time i was sure she wasn't lying to me.

growing up, my father was pretty much my hero. i was closer to my mom, but i still looked up to him. he wasn't around much when i was in elementary and i would cry while looking through the family albums. he eventually came back for good and i was the happiest kid ever. though, it didn't last long. as i was growing up, i was also realizing just how much of an asshole my father is. the first time i hit back, i was 15, protecting my mother from his drunken tirades. i can still see his shocked face clearly in my mind. ever since then, our relationship has become nonexistent and it got worse when i came out. he looks at me in disgust because i'm "trying (and failing) to be a man" to him. he looks at me like he doesn't know where he went wrong.

everything about this movie pulled at my heartstrings. i'm so glad i had a box of tissues next to me. i'm gonna have a hard time moving on from this. it's just so special TO ME! thankful for all the trans artists out there who make me want to keep going and create art of my own. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[letmesleeponu4sumtime]

yu aoi with shiori's phone 22 years later

リリイ・シュシュのすべて

all about lily chou-chou (shunji iwai, 2001)

[junosfilmjournal]

my review for 'past lives' (2023) dir. celine song

“you had to leave because you're you. and the reason i liked you is because you're you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

i knew this movie was going to break me when the trailer was released. i put off watching it because i knew it would leave me depressed. i was right. i legitimately started tearing up in the first 10 minutes. i’m one of those people who love so hard that it’s overwhelming, to the point where ALL i think about is the person i’m in love with. i used to think i knew what love was when i was younger, but it wasn’t until recently that i figured out what it means to me. it means being able to trust someone with your life. it means knowing that person will always be there for you even if you don’t talk. it means being able to let that person go. this movie is how i love. more specifically the way hae sung felt about nora. in my notes, while watching, i actually wrote “I AM HAE SUNG.”

now onto the actual movie, the writing was so subtle, yet said so much. the cinematography was beautiful. every scene is so intricate, filled with an extraordinary amount of meaning. everything had a purpose. the constant symmetrical framing when nora and hae sung were on screen. the scene when they were having their first date was my favorite. this being celine song’s debut is remarkable. i can’t wait to see what else she has in store. 

“i think there was something in our past lives. otherwise, why would we be here together right now? but in this life, we don’t have the in-yun to be that kind of person to each other.”

[limerencs]

emma stone as bella baxter in ‘poor things’

[junosfilmjournal]

My review for Bad Education [La Mala Educación] (2004) dir. Pedro Almodóvar

There are Almodóvar movies that I love with all my heart (ex: Broken Embraces) and then there are his other movies where I’m so conflicted on whether I like them or not (ex: Talk to Her). This is one of them.

I can’t speak on trans women’s experiences because we don’t share the same ones, but Almodóvar seems to always misgender/deadname them in his movies. It’s hard to watch at times because being a trans man myself, I know how disheartening it is to be othered and not taken seriously when we disclose our gender identity. It’s just distasteful.

Other than that HUGE detail, I still felt a connection with Zahara, especially the whole reason behind ‘the visit’. Father Manolo reminded me of someone who hurt me. A man who convinced me that I am tainted and can never be more than that at a young age. I could see myself in her young self. We’ve all planned our revenge, let’s be serious! To see the outcome of her revenge just broke my heart. She deserved better.

As always, love the use of color! Uh… great color, beautiful color!

[junosfilmjournal]

thelma (2017) dir. joachim trier

[junosfilmjournal]

asia argento as detective anna manni in the stendhal syndrome (1996) dir. dario argento

[junosfilmjournal]

the stendhal syndrome (1996) dir. dario argento

[freshmoviequotes]

Bones and All (2022)

[junosfilmjournal]

funny ha ha (2002) dir. andrew bujalski

college grad, marnie (kate dollenmeyer) is still figuring out what she wants to do with her life. dealing with a tiresome temp job and an unrequited crush on one of her friends, marnie tries to make the best of her everyday life.

[junosfilmjournal]

my review for women on the verge of a nervous breakdown (1988) dir. pedro almodóvar

when i first watched this movie, i was going through a terrible depressive episode. i couldn’t bear the thought of getting out of bed. all because a boy didn’t love me like i do him. of course, there were other things contributing to my sadness, but this boy occupied every crevice of my mind 24/7. i genuinely thought i would die because the pain i was feeling was too much.

seeing these women going through what i did, feeling what i did, it made me feel understood. every time i tried explaining to others how the situation with him made me feel, i would be told i was overreacting or making something out of nothing. i felt pepa’s desperation. i felt lucia’s anger. i felt candela’s naivety.

i recently rewatched this and i just felt so much more appreciation for it. the colors, costume + set design, the way almodóvar makes everything so lively, yet realistic. it’s the movie that made me fall in love with his art. the opening credits itself is so inspiring. also, almodóvar’s writing is refreshing. seeing women be complex and have strong personalities while the men are just cheats and liars (the hot chick). anyways, thank you, pedro, for validating my delusional ass.

[junosfilmjournal]

my review for mommy (2014) dir. xavier dolan

i honestly don’t know how to even word what i want to say about this. i am always so blunt about my relationship with my father. i know where we both stand, but it’s the relationship i have with my mother that i don’t think i’ll ever fully understand. we have these days where it’s sunny out, so we decide to go grocery shopping and spend a day together. we make jokes. we complain about other people’s driving. we talk about anything that’s on our minds. it feels good and right to be able to talk to her this way. i actually feel like everything is going to be okay for once.

but then, she criticizes me for the way i present myself, the way i talk, or the way i act. i can never do anything right in her eyes. she misgenders me. she doesn’t take my trans identity seriously, even after i basically broke down in front of her over how much it hurts me and puts me in danger. when i was institutionalized, all she cared about was what other people were going to say. she didn’t even want to talk about why i ended up in there. every time i mention how depressed i was during my childhood, she points fingers at my father without realizing that he was absent for most of it. she was the person who told me that it was my fault when i was assaulted because of how i dressed at 8. then come my manic outbursts where i can’t look at anything/one without wanting to punch a hole through it. she has flat out told me she isn’t proud of me and that she doesn’t know what i’m “capable of” before. she’s seen me at my worst and she looks scared. i hate the thought of that, but it’s true.

it’s complicated, for sure... i will never know how my mom can be so cruel and so loving at once. i will never understand how she can put up with me at my lowest, but i guess that’s just how we are. we’re just a neurodivergent, trans son and a single mother, with her own shit to deal with, trying to do their best.

[junosfilmjournal]

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

Satsuki (Noriko Hidaka) and Mei (Chika Sakamoto) are sisters who moved out to the country with their father (Shigesato Itoi) to be closer to their hospitalized mother (Sumi Shimamoto). As the girls become more familiar with their new home, they become friends with creatures from the forests, one of which is named Totoro (Hitoshi Takagi). Totoro and the others only become visible when they want to be seen. Throughout the film, they watch over the sisters and make sure they are safe. 

My Neighbor Totoro is one of the cutest films I’ve ever seen. I watched it with my niece and she also loved it. The animation is absolutely beautiful. Satsuki and Mei’s relationship reminded me of my relationship with my sisters. I love how these movies make me feel comforted without fail every time.

Favorite Character:

Satsuki

She had to take up more responsibilities since her mother was hospitalized. Her only escape from reality was playing with her sister and Totoro. She’s a resilient and adventurous girl.

Favorite Scene:

When Mei met Totoro for the first time. It was an adorable scene. Mei tries to wake Totoro up and fails. The scenery was utterly beautiful. The amount of detail makes it the best.

Quotes:

Tatsuo: “Normally you can’t see soot gremlins, but every once in a while when you go from a bright place to a dark one you can catch a glimpse of them.”

Yasuko: “I thought I saw Satsuki and Mei smiling at us from up in that tree.” Tatsuo: “It sounds crazy, but maybe you did.”

!!RATING!!

4/5, cried