[jus-existing]

a perfectly curated journal for after i’m gone

[jus-existing]

I think the hardest thing for me to grasp, is that it is okay to be mad. It's okay to be so frustrated with the way you've been handled, especially when you would've never handled them with the same disrespect. I am a firm believer in grace, I know there's been my fair share of times, I've asked for grace. I maybe over-extend it now because I know what it feels like to know and hear all of these negative things about me but still give me a chance to show you who I am without the bias; I know how that feels and I want everyone else to get to feel that as well. There does come a time though where you can't keep extending that grace without doing a disservice to yourself. It sucks because you never want to give up hope in a sense on someone you love and can see the best in but you also can't drag yourself down with a sinking ship, you know.

[stuckinapril]

[jus-existing]

I’m realizing that healing starts when you stop ignoring what hurt you. When you finally allow yourself to confront the pain instead of outrunning it, you also give your nervous system a chance to learn something new.

That not everything unsafe from your past is happening in your present. That conflict does not always mean abandonment. That love does not always disappear when things get hard.

I don’t want to live in survival mode anymore.

I don’t want to run from the people I love. I don’t want to put past people’s pain onto new people in my life.

I think healing is choosing to love yourself enough to face what happened to you, so you stop bleeding onto people who genuinely love you.

And when you start setting boundaries for yourself and allowing yourself to heal, you realize something important: Some people are good. Some people are safe. Some people you don’t have to run from.

And maybe most importantly,

you are worthy of the kind of love that feels safe too.

[torchickentacos]

I love tumblr tags so much. Like okay here’s the main post and here’s my little secret thoughts and addendums for the besties

[wizardshark]

I admit I have enjoyed looking at boobies once or twice

[jus-existing]

okay maybe more than that...

[nemfrog]

Bolts of lightning. Electricity for everybody. 1907.

Internet Archive

[jus-existing]

i think i’m such a minimalist when it comes to belongings because i never feel at home. it’s like i’m scared to ever get too comfortable. anyone who’s ever claimed to love me, harms me. and every place i’ve once loved, haunts me. every time i feel at ease, i’m reminded, everything is so temporary.

i long for that feeling. not just like you’re at home but like you’re home will always be your home. it’ll be abundant with positive memories and feelings. it’ll feel like ease. effortless. sometimes you’ll be so content, you’ll forget it’s all a dream. so temporary.

[jus-existing]

I love reading my old thoughts.

[scorpionlafemme]

[malglories]

i do feel somewhat ruined forever. but it’s okay we stay silly

[hiraethid]

[fellshish]

a lot of writing is sort of watching the film in your head like oh sorry can’t write the chapter yet i have to repeat hallucinate the dialogue first

[dafancyuhinspiration]

[dafancyuhinspiration]

[ruesdeluxe]

[livelaughlamictal]

dev mystra

[bitchi4mwillywonka]

learning how to react less because why should i have to lose my mind just to be understood

[1gmoney]

real