No judgement please, I just need to get it out of me, because it'll help me in my grieving process.
Also English isn't my native language.
The girl you have fallen in love with and are going out with suddenly tells you she feels more towards the masculine side and leaning in a more non-binary identity.
You think okay I can roll with that, I love them, it's not like they're going to become a man, right?
Fast foward three months later they tell you, yo call me he now. Okay so he starts to dress more masculine, he chopped off all of his hair and tried to kill himself 4 times this semester. He is telling you that you're the reason he is still alive and that he wants to get better. But he doesn't feel good in his body the dysphoria is really kicking in, it's unbearable.
Okay, I'll support him because he is in a really bad place mentally and I don't want him to off himself, I want him to get better but I don't want to be with a man, maybe I should sort out my feelings. And BAM he tells you that he can't live without you and if you would leave him he would hurt himself very badly. And that he thinks he is a transgender man.
You talk to your bestie. She tells you okay maybe because he is in a very bad place mentally that's why he feels more masculine and wants to "flee" his body. Maybe when he'll get better it'll be a different story. Or maybe it won't. Mayve he is a transgender man and that won't work for you as it isn't what you're looking for in life. You have to do what your heart tells you to do.
BABE, my heart is as delusional as my cat jumping off of the fourth floor onto my mother's bloody car. IT'S WON'T MAKE THE GOOD DECISION FOR MY SANITY.
Fastfoward 5 months, your bestie was fucking right, she a genius. Your girlfirend has got better, she's not suiciadal anymore, she has stopped harming herself and she confesses to you that she actually is a cisgender woman.
Dang you're happy ! A wonderfull month goes by. But then your brain catches up with you.
Darling have you been able to process the past year and a half emotionally ?? I don't think so.
So that's what I do, now that I am in a relationship in which I can now be supported and more confident, I confess to my girlfirend that I wasn't very happy this past year because as she wasn't doing good mentally I had to care for her and ignore my needs, I only focused on her and when she thought she was a boy I wasn't confortable at all because boys disgust me. But now I feel so much better and I am so happy to be with her.
She takes it badly, very badly.
She thought that I was disgusted by HER. But she didn't speak about it to me.
NO, she spoke about it with her new friend from University. Said friend told her I was a manipulative misandrist transphobic cunt.
My girlfriend calls me. She is making allusions to a possible break up. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about are you okay?
Okay do you want me to take the bus and come to your appartement ?
I go, she explains to me I hurt her. I apologise, I acknowledge that I hurt her, but I explain to her that I wanted to be honest with her, because that's basic respect. And that it wasn't HER that disgusted me but being with a man did. And that I stayed only because I loved who SHE WAS AS A PERSON, HER PERSONALITY!
She says okay let's restart from zero.
By the way in the midst of it she had shown her nudes to the above-mentioned friend 🤡.
I go okay let's restart from zéro.
A week passes everything is good.
It is the week-end we're both back to our parents' places. She sends me a text saying that I deserve someone better than her and that she is breaking up with me. I'm crying like I have never cried before. I call her, she declines my calls. She eventually picks up, I ask her why ? She is not answering my question. I ask her if she wants me to drive to her place so we can speak face to face.
I get there. She apologises like never before. She hysterically says that she wants to be with me. I'm like hold on girl what the fuck. Why did you do that for ???
She tells me she is still wounded from what I had told her.
I go Okay, I understand that I was too straightfoward. I understand that I hurt you. I apologised. Now you have to know if you'll be able to forgive me and get pass this because I am not and elastic on which you can pull as much as you want. This is the second time you hysterically say via-phone that you want to break up and then you say no it is all fine.
I am not a emotional pet.
She says I'll be able to forgive you I want to continue life with you.
Okay, I ask her if we're good, if there's is something else she needs to tell me.
I ask again are we good. She says yes.
Little did I fucking know, we weren't.
After spending the night with me a few weeks later. After puting her hands on me. The next day she breaks up with me via- a text message saying that she is soffucating and that she needs to restart her life anew without me, and that she was contemplating this idea for quite some time.
Bitch. Why didn't you say so? Why were you the one asking from the very beginning to restart from zero? Why did you sleep with me that night if you already knew you wanted to break up with me ?
At least now I am better off without her.
Don't play with people's feeling be true to yourself if you don't feel something speak about it. Always speak, kindly, calmy and politely of course.
But be communicative. Please.
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
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