Working on myself, for myself

Previously @always-the-2nd 35 | she/her | EU There will be talk of weightloss on this blog! A regular fitblr. Trying to better myself one step at a time. Currently: 41.9kg(92.4lbs) lost I have a random sideblog too! @just-a-mild-randomness

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Hi all

Been considering returning to Tumblr on and off over the last 3 months. I certainly miss all my friends here and knowing how all of you are doing... but I'm kinda struggling with it and keep putting it off. Some stuff made me have some bitter associations with Tumblr and I find myself avoiding checking in because I don't wanna think about it.

The fact that my depression has been kicking my ass during this time doesn't help. I've gone to depths I haven't seen in a long time and it's frikkin dark af there. Worse still, I found myself being in denial of how bad things got, which is a thing I thought I had already moved past and it was worrying to see it make a comeback.

I did move past the denial and I am slowly getting to a better place, but I'm still not great.

So I don't know whether I'm gonna return any time soon or not. I might just post every once in a while super sporadically? I'll see. Rn I just wanted to jump in here so that if anyone's wondering where I've gone, I could explain.

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The world sucks. Humans suck. Men suck

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WHY IS SHE SO CUUUTE???

It's unfair, really. How the heck am I supposed to get up and go to work when there's Beatrice sleeping on me???

Don't really have much to say so I haven't been posting on here - idk if I wanna go back to doing my weekly/monthly reports anymore.

But I'm doing well - got back into my routine after the holidays with steps, sleep (somewhat) and mealprep, etc.

I have quite a bit of progress to recover, because it takes like two days for me to get like 8 kg back (exaggerating, but feels like it) despite it not being technically possible. And yes, I am discounting the bloat/water-weight which is not real weight re-gain. Go figure. I'm not too stressed about it though, I was ready for as much because I know my body. Just gotta work my way back, and I'm already on the way.

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For 2026

I'm gonna go with mostly the same structure and types of goals as I did for 2025:

Health-related goals:

Stay on track for the whole year without any major breaks.

Have at least a 12k/day step average. 15k/day is a bonus goal.

Have at least a 2500 kcal/day burnt average.

Go back to pool and to gym.

Be consistent with my stretching.

Strengthen my back and then...

...get back into running, truly this time.

Reach UGW and transition to maintenance.

Fast at least once a week (52 times). This year, faux fasts (still eating, but staying under 500-ish kcal) count too as full fasts become harder with lower weight and less stored resources 🙂

No more than 100 non-vegetarian days.

Average at least 7 hours sleep per month, every month. 7.5-8 hours is the ideal, but I don't want to set the goal too high >_>

This one will be difficult to quantify, but strive to limit phone screen time, especially ~1h before sleep

Other goals:

Do at least some of the improvements that I have planned for my apartment. A new fridge and stove-top being first in line, I think 😆

Track my finances and save as much as I can.

Do my best to balance my work life and avoiding burnout.

Learn more!

Write more and actually post some things.

Have at least one vacation trip out of country. Current hope plan: Vietnam for 2-3 weeks at the end of the year.

Try, say, 50 new recipes over the year instead of defaulting to.... well, my defaults all the time.

Show my love for my ffamily and friends in more conscious-effort kind of ways.

Think of and work on some sort of It project (doesn't have to be big at all) just to make sure I don't completely leave that ability to dust now that I'm no longer programming as a job.

Last year was a year where I got my shit together in various spheres in my life. Hopefully, this year will continue that trend and I will not find myself falling back in any of those areas.

Basically, that's the TLDR goal for the year: keep things up and, if possible, improve further.

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For 2025

Redoing the list of the goals I have for 2025:

Health-related goals:

Stay on track for the whole year without any major breaks.

Have at least a 12k/day step average. But what I'd love to have is a 15k/day average.

Have at least a 2800 kcal/day burnt average.

Start going to pool again. Bonus points for the gym.

Stretch and improve flexibility consistently through the year.

Get back into running.

Hopefully reach my UGW and transition from losing weight to maintaining by the end of the year.

Fast at least once a week (52 times).

No more than 100 non-vegetarian days.

Get the ovaries/tubes/etc removal surgery (just BRCA gene mutation things✨✨✨).

Other goals:

Return to my own apartment in summer and do more to personalize it than I did before.

Get a cat. Or two.

Look for a new job that is actually at least somewhat fulfilling to me.

Spend time on learning things and improving my skills regularly.

Write more and actually post some things.

Have at least one vacation trip out of country.

Cliche as it is, I want to find out more about myself this year and allow myself to become her. I've realized lately how much I've been trying to fit into certain boxes my whole life without even questioning it. Some of it is unavoidable, yes, but a lot of it is limitations I put on myself for no good reason. Or simply comfort zone things where I was too lazy or scared to figure out what I really want. I'm going to try and start breaking out of it.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!!!🎇🎆🎇

(I'm late, I know)

Finally sitting down to check in and see how I did with these. And honestly? I'm very happy with it.

HEALTH:

I did have a couple breaks, but they were intentional and didn't get out of hand in a way that would make me feel like I didn't get this goal

My average is indeed over 12k. Far from 15k though... there's always next year, right?

I burned ~2650cal/day last year. So I didn't get to the goal, but in retrospection, the goal was a big optimistic (I lowered my actual daily goal to 2450-ish halfway into the year, so no wonder. When my weight went down, so did my cals lost)

Didn't get back to pool though 😔 It just wasn't in the cards

I did keep up my stretches through most days and I do feel I've improved

Made an attempt to get back to running and made some progress, but then back pain got involved and I shelved the goal for now. I'm okay with that.

Did not get to my UGW, but I'm more than satisfied with how far I did get, so I count this one just because

Fasted more than once a week. Although I didn't end up tracking the exact number, I'm sure it was a few times over 52.

Wayyy under 100 days non-vegetarian.

Surgery done. HRT set up. I'm good :3

OTHER:

Went back to my apartment in May and while I still have ways to go in the decorating properly category, I'm happy 🥰

Got mah Beatrice and she is the BEST

Got a good new job!!!!!!!!

I did write some, but not enough, and I think I posted like one tiny thing... So will have to step it up this year.

Honestly, I dropped this goal in my mind quite early in the year. One more thing that just wasn't in the cards.

So yeah, I think I can say it was a successful year 😊😊😊

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I'm still trudging along in case anyone's wondering.

Betty tax.

One more semi-disappearance from Tumblr under my belt, but I'm generally doing well. I've sort of loosened my routine until the end of the year (it's cold, it's holiday season, I've been having some minor health issues) and intend to just maintain. I'm in a good place rn, weight-wise and in many other ways. I'll probably try to make a push towards my UGW (wtv it ends up being) next year, but I'm in no hurry and am just gonna take a break and make sure I'm stable where I am.

The only real problems are that a) I've lowered my daily steps b) I've sort of been indulging in mulled wine a bit much >_>. Those two things I WILL attempt to rectify asap.

I'm doing fine at my new job too. Will be 2 months since I started here soon. It feels like longer, but in a good, productive way. But I am feeling tired and honestly can't wait until the 5-day weekend that is coming up. Yes please.

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The M in Monday is for Meal prep

(don't ask me about the other letters. I'm assuming there's curse words there though)

Got myself my two types of lunches, baked some breakfast protein bread/cake? and roasted chickpeas for snacky-snacks. It should be a delicious week 😊

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After a "dropped-the-ball-September" and with half of last month being "get-used-to-new-job-and-figure-out-new-routines-October", this last week I finally managed to get back to a 15k/day step average (and over-100k total)! Happy about that and hope to keep it up till the end of the year now 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

I had a "bonus" goal for the year to have a 15k/day average, but (mostly because of aforementioned September) that doesn't seem realistic at this point. At all. But my "normal" goal was 12k/day, and I am still crushing it! 😎

Holding high hopes for this new week :3

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Went on a couple adventures today 😊

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NSV!!! 😍

I just got stopped as a colleague then proceeded to praise my style to another colleague. I don't think I ever got praised for that before???

Now that I am at a good weight, I have way more clothes options open for me and can, in fact dress how I LIKE, not just "the best I can manage to fit in, still". It has done wonders to my confidence each morning, being able to choose an outfit without much trouble, and not stressing over how it makes me look. and now that confidence has been reinforced even more!

(it also helps that I got a bunch of tights in different colors and have been wearing the hell out of them - they really add brightness and fun and I love it)

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Octover

Last month was definitely A Month for me. I went to some extreme lows (on a scale of 0-10 I had graded my mood at a 0.5 for a few days in a row there), got a cat, tried to breathe, and once I got my new job (my mood went to 9 that day! 😂) things finally settled down... just kidding: then I had to figure out the new job, new routines and everything else as quickly as possible. Still not finished with that.

Still, it is amazing to not feel like I'm one gust of wind away from a panic attack for hours on end...

My health-journey didn't go much of anywhere in this month, but that feels understandable and acceptable. I survived and I didn't LOSE any progress. In fact, after the off-track-ish September, I did even still crawl forward a bit.

Two months left of the year, and I do feel like I'm standing on more solid ground than I've had in years for them. Hopeful about having a decent push forward before 2026, and planning accordingly.

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Ugh, wrong blog... but I can't be bothered to repost properly so wtv In the meantime, this week's meal-prep got done

Chickpea curry and Halloumi stir-fry. They better be good

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💕💕💕

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Hey, how is Bea doing? Is she fully an adorable menace now that she's settled in, or has she chilled?

Oh, definitely a menace! But a cute and (so far) manageable one 😽 There have already been plenty of zoomies, door-frame climbing adventures and indignant late-evening monologues (I try to turn them into dialogues, but she doesn't seem to appreciate my opinion much) 😅 Fortunately, she usually calms down pretty easily once I make it clear it's bed time. Usually....

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New job, from office the whole time (at least at first) means I get to go back to meal prepping. I fast on Mondays usually, so it's probably gonna be 2 x 2 different meals every week. It's a pasta dish and a lentil dish for this one.

Also figured I'd meal prep my breakfasts too, went for a egg-cottage cheese bake. Used a cake pan because it was the best size 😁 Et voila: my omelette-cake! Came out really yum, full points.

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When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then, send to the last ten people in your notifs 🌻

I took a while to get this, but thank you very much!

Getting the job I hoped for! 🤭

Having a cat around again 🐱

Trying to come up with a new kind of meal and getting something that works real well 🥗

Now that it's fall - extra happiness for when the skies are clear ☀️

That moment when my feet warm up after getting into bed 😄

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Guys guys guys guys guys guys guys!!!!!

I got a new job! I got the job I wanted!!!!! I really got it!

The last week+ was.... a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least, I was down in a very deep and dark hole at times. Now the enourmous stress bubble finally burst, the tension is dissipating and I al sorta cry-laughing over it.

I needed this hard.

Wish me luck!

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Today marks the one week anniversary since I got my new kitteh, and I had yet to post about it here, so this is me correcting that grave oversight.

Her name is Beatrice, or Bea, or Betty. Adopted her from a shelter, she's about 2.5-3 years old, but TINY. She needed a couple of days to truly come out from her blanket fort (which she still loves), but now she's starting to be the menace she was always meant to be ❤️😄