Lee says:
Hi everyone! I use they/them pronouns, and I’ve been trying to get my parents to use my pronouns too. It hasn’t been very successful, as of yet, but I’m still trying. In the process of trying to convince them, I’ve been emailing articles and things that support they/them pronouns, things that say “they” can be used as a singular pronoun, and reasons why it’s important to respect someone’s pronouns.
Edit: It’s been some time since I wrote this post, and now my parents always use my pronouns! Having multiple open and honest conversations about why your pronouns are important to you and giving them time to adjust to the switch is the way to go. Even if your parents aren’t open to the idea of using your pronouns at first, they might change their minds after you’ve been using them for a year. While you’re waiting, make sure to take care of yourself!
This post and this post have some tips about getting people to use your pronouns. After you’ve had the conversation, sending a few links about pronoun usage to them is a good follow-up. And lucky for you, there are some links gathered below!
if you click on each of the frequently asked questions a helpful answer will show
You Know Those Common Objections to ‘They’ Pronouns? Here Are 9 Simple Facts to Shut Them Down
This is by a person who uses they/them pronouns and has a bit on grammar, and a bit on why they should be used to respect gender identity. I like this one. Some of the links and things covered in this article I also have below.
Shakespeare Used The Singular They, And So Should You
“Most English speakers have no problem using a singular “they” when they’re referring to a subject whose gender is unknown, and sentences like “Somebody left their coat here!” don’t strike many of us as odd. When someone is being asked to use “they” in place of “he” or “she” in order to respect an addressee’s gender identity, things become more difficult for some people.”
Gender-neutral pronouns: When ‘they’ doesn’t identify as either male or female
This one is a response from the Washington Post advice column on using pronouns
10 Things You’re Actually Saying When You Ignore Someone’s Gender Pronouns
This is another article about why it’s important to respect someone’s identity by using their pronouns.
Everyone Uses Singular ‘They,’ Whether They Realize It Or Not
A short bit by NPR on they as a singular pronoun
6 Reasons Your Discomfort with They/Them Pronouns Reveals Unchecked Cis Privilege
This has to do with privilege, similar to the article above.
The Awkward Case of “His or Her” - Merriam-Webster Ask the Editor
The description of this video says “Despite what the grammar police might say, it’s actually fine to use “their” as a singular pronoun.” It’s part of the Ask the Editor video series by the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
‘He or she’ versus ‘they’
Here’s a short thing from the Oxford dictionary that says basically the same thing:
oxford dictionary definition of they
The Oxford dictionary’s definition of the word “they” is here, one of the them says “[SINGULAR] Used to refer to a person of unspecified sex: ask someone if they could help”
themself has been used in past even if it isn’t formally accepted now
Oxford dictionary for themself
Singular “they” and the many reasons why it’s correct
This is a little longer, it says things to the point of famous authors have used it, so don’t correct people.
Their, them, themselves, they (as singular pronouns)
A grammar blog’s post on using they/them as singular pronouns:
And of course, Wikipedia!
singular they in the bible
it’s even used in the bible
How using they as a singular pronoun can change the world
“People with non-binary gender identities continually face situations in which someone feels “forced,” by the language norms they’ve internalized, to call us either he or she — even if they’re not sure which one is right, and sometimes even if they have been told that neither is right. “
The Maven’s Word of the Day
Mentions how authors have used they as a singular pronoun before
What To Do (And Not Do) When Someone Asks for Different Gender Pronouns
I really like this too, it’s a comic about pronouns.
A University Recognizes a Third Gender: Neutral
This is an article in the New York Times that talks a little about gender and pronouns, it’s a piece focused on this kid in college. Recently, the Times has been using they/them as gender neutral pronouns, even though they once said they didn’t know if they would.
The Washington Post Style Guide Now Accepts Singular ‘They’
More newspapers are using the singular they
A short explanation by a college student group
Why gender-neutral pronouns?
Explaining the reason someone might use they/them
Why Grammar Snobbery Has No Place in the Movement
Here’s an argument against grammar policing in general, just to think about:
Here’s a website where you can practice using pronouns in sentences, so you can see how using they/them pronouns work. If you click play, you can scroll though the drop down menu to click they/them and then use it in sentences.
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