Crazy Shit My Drawing Teacher Has Said
You’re not a noun, you’re a verb
I’m on my eight skeleton, isn’t it great?
*holds up tiny statue made of spare metal bits* This is the West Kentucky one-eyed flightless bird. *throws it onto the table* See?
It’s Zen Friday, take a Zen Page.
You don’t own appliances so we have nothing in common.
I drank tainted water once and I was crawling around on my knees. It was amazing. Don’t ever drink tainted water, it’s not worth it.
*using a timer on my phone* wait is that on my phone too?????
*sharpening a pencil* isn’t this the most fun thing you’ve ever done
You’ve heard of the Secret Drawing Society right?
Do you doubt the existence of the can?
I have to get my septic pumped out today. Do you know what a septic is?
Have you lost all your popularity on campus because you sequester yourself away to draw? GOOD!!!
*holds out pig skull* you want to pet him?
Do you have a handkerchief you could sacrifice to the art gods?
Hello. Please come grab a magic drawing rock and show me which rock you picked. Oooooooo, obsidian. At an antique road show this would cost about five dollars. Good rock choice.
We know the scariest image ever is a stack of pillows.
*something hits the ground with a loud bang and he shrugs* gravity is like that.
You can go out and practice your cry. Go out into a field and cry as loud as you can. That way when you need your cry, you have it.
*holds up a mirror* this is a perspective correction machine. It’s battery operated, runs on AAA batteries so you don’t have to plug it in. It works 100% of the time.
I can see perspective being off across the room with one eye tied behind my back. It’s a curse
I never wear sunglasses unless I’m driving across Kansas facing the sun, because they make me look way cooler than I am, and I don’t want that.
Mowing is my life. Of all my priorities, mowing is number one in my life.
That’s why we have class anyway, so we can rip each other off.
Have you ever gotten to the point where your drawing doesn’t need you anymore? It’s pretty enlightening when it happens. But also really depressing.
Whoever says “give 100%” is crazy. Are you trying to die? 35% is a perfectly acceptable amount of energy at any given time. I never go above that.
But when I was your age, shut up, but when I was your age, shut up, but when I was your age, shut up, but-
Do you ever hallucinate? I hallucinate things a lot. I’ll see these wisps floating through the studio, and I don’t tell you because I know you won’t believe me, but they’re there.
I have a fear of running out of yellow cheese. I’m from Wisconsin, cheese is in our DNA.
*yelling at students* Hey remember me?!?!?! I was your drawing teacher!!!! *addressing us* they try to forget.
I’m somewhat of an intense person, have you noticed?
A great cry will echo from the drawing lab and across the valley of Murray and the people will hear it and lift up their heads and say “well, Dale’s at it again”
I hate being mean twice *gets a student to yell for him*
You ever been divided into two people and had a conversation with yourself? Whenever that happens to me, the way I get out of it … . well I don’t get out of it. I usually wallow.
Life’s not fair. And then you die.
