Disclaimer: this is just a venting session, a “rant,” a little bit of rambling.
I don’t really know where to “start” with this. I think many young, vulnerable runners can relate, both male and female.
I can’t help but look at myself in the mirror sometimes and critique every minor flaw. “Where did your abs go? Why are your thighs less toned than 1.7 years ago? Why do you look so bloated? How come you’ve started to eat more, but it’s made you feel like you lost a sense of control?”
Mind games, little bullies in the head. That’s all they are. Especially coming from a past of anorexia/sports bulimia.
Some mornings I wake up and feel so strong, so capable, so amazing, I head out to train, my legs carry me for miles, finishing strong with a time I didn’t know I had in me at this point in my training.
And then some mornings I wake up, I feel “puffy,” I get critical, I run, but I’m discouraged. Not because of pace or distance, but because I feel unflattering in my running shorts.
I know all of this is in my head. I need to practice what I preach. I want to be a machine. A lion. A cheetah. A gazelle. A thoroughbred horse. And the only way that can happen is to keep eating, keep training, keep going, keep believing.
At the end of the day, running is not about who looks the best in the tight spandex and racing singlet. It’s about who crosses that line, gutting it out, smashing records, winning races.
Anyone who ever feels this way, you’re not alone. I understand. I get it. Remember that your body carries you through miles and miles. That’s an incredible feat we need to never ever take for granted.