Shouting into the void
I feel proud. I’ve been working hard and successfully supporting myself. I’m really becoming an adult in my own little way. I’ve said no and goodbye to people who aren’t going to help me grow. I’ve been honest with myself about some fatal mistakes I’ve made over and over again.
I feel exhausted. I feel physically sore and tired all the time. I feel mentally and socially drained a lot of the time.
I feel wound up. It’s hard for me to relax and ease my mind after work. It’s go go go go go and then I can’t just stop. This wound up feeling is what keeps me up which then makes me exhausted.
Will this cycle ever rest?
I don’t really feel the urge to search for a real career job that is related to my actual degree yet. I think it’s because I fear I won’t start out at a high enough salary for living where I do.
With that, I want to move. I want to go explore and new place and make new friend and find cool new spots to make new memories. I feel like life is a literal journey and we should try to spread our wings as much as possible. Maybe this is the fleeting Aquarius in me talking.
I don’t want to leave my family or my friends behind. I already don’t get home enough and I live 3-4 hours away. If I were to move a bit north or out west I’d be a flight away and idk why but that makes me kinda uneasy.
I should research big companies/ non profits/ researchers/ projects that relate to what I’m interested in in a couple cities I like. I have time so I could reach out with my interest and see if a position would come up or be created for me. Is long term job hunting a thing? Like hunting 9-10 months in advance?
I need to sleep! I work tomorrow and here I am. Thanks for listening tumblr <3 I miss you
