“Giving thanks even when things are pants”
Just reflecting on the past 24months of my life, of complete transition from what I thought was success, achievement and some of the best days of my life to now realising that everything in life good or bad has a purpose, there is really actually a message in the madness, like really?
Why does it at times, have to be so dark? But the harsh reality is when your living your life and everything is great and you’re just going through the motions the (rat race) I like to call it you don't sometimes see the light in your life or you see it but don't understand it's power it's love, how much it helps you to see. Your light could be your parents, partner, children or little things like a roof over your head or even faith (God) for many different people different things. Light we could call "hope" can come in many different ways and forms, but back to the times of darkness, the feeling of hopelessness you sometimes can't see a way out, you can't feel a way out, sometimes that place is lonely or you feel lonely because for you nobody else understands what this feels like for you. I mean we all go through those season's some are able to be humble enough to admit or talk about it that actually sometimes we don't know what we are doing, where we are suppose to go or why this is happening to me? You see for me as a young man living in Birmingham I truly now appreciate the darkness that life can bring at times when you least expect it, for me I was living my dream, run and created my first official business with friends and a family member from the front room of my mother’s house having a strong conviction that I had to be the change I wanted to see, that actually we can create a First Class Generation of Young people that live life of Faith, Love, Passion, and integrity that live, work and moved together..and that our philosophy would spread and change the world, first Birmingham, then nationally then internationally I mean the belief the vision the PASSION was intense, never thought it would or could END, why would it, an idea that started in my mind, then into a project with friends, then grows into a business how could it end?, it was growing and growing the government at the time Labour during 2005- 2010 was perfect, Public sector had lots of big budgets to spend lots of extra budgets to do extra stuff for youth & communities outside their normal internal processes, when they met me and my team, the out the BOX approach, the raw testimonies of how we all once were, misguided, had made bad decisions, that got us in trouble with the Law, but now that allows us the ability, connectivity with the different inner city communities, area of communities that they had labelled hard to reach, I would always positively argue that " hard to reach is not hard to reach" I would say " I believe you are hard to access" because all the youth and communities your are trying to get to are in the same place everyday but you can't just engage on your terms in your western 9 to 5 approach, that led to lots of fantastic short term contracts but nothing long term until Rose from Edge Learner foundation based in London gave us a 3 year contract that impacted and changed our reach & size at around the same time the Barrow Cadbury Trust been our first and only funding to visit us and saw our work on the ground via a fantastic staff member called Jackie who took the time to come Birmingham from London and experience practical the fantastic work we was doing on the ground, but that changed slightly once they got new staff that changed, relationships changed, they changed all understandable they needed to change to protect their future, (before I forget please read a book called WHO MOVED MY CHEESE) anyway back to the point of this blog, giving thanks even when things are pants, all of that success growth changed when we had new government, they came in cut everything and spoke about the folly of BIG society when the fact BIG society is how communities have been surviving for years, everything changed not just for us but a lot of people in my sector from employing up to 7 staff at a time, and many different casual staff, having offices, driving a nice car to suddenly our sector having no money to buy in outside services, key contacts we worked with all of sudden lost their jobs. So the creative out the box stuff from the people who actually got the connections with the areas they class as "no go's" or hard to reach got a big door shut in their face....despite my best efforts nothing seemed to work, had to close the offices, let go of staff and attempt to work from home but gosh working from home is not the easiest place to work from without structure and system's in place. Then the area nobody wants’ to talk about like it does affect your ability to work, create, stay focused and plan. That area is your personal life, during all this the transition of the business sector, me and my wife lost our 3rd child our expecting baby that was completely devastating for us, at that scan been told we can't see a heart beat but you can as clear as day can see on the screen the shape of a baby, then few months later finding out that I myself needed to have open heart surgery to change one of my valves because the valve in my body they fitted when I was 2years old had become way to small and was causing big strain on my heart & a leaky valve all the while the market place had changed in business all around me and my only real source of income from Barrow Trust was coming to a end, as 95% came from contracts going out their selling, doing presentations and getting the contracts I never set up for funding we was Private Limited I wanted the financial control to manage and do as we felt was right for the business right or wrongly, now being honest now wrong decision hence why I later converted to a CIC (community interest company) but you see the harsh reality my life was turning up side down, income rapidly decreasing without a real clue what to do, re branded hoping that would help, re strategize but actually my confidence had gone that light in me had died, I was crushed deeply inside but failed to acknowledge it felt let down by people, agencies & companies that were my best friends when in the lime light but soon as they felt their company was at threat they dropped us like a HOT potato, I remember giving back my basically brand new 08 Saab turbo it humbled me I loved that car made me feel and look good, but now I realised that all things work together for the good" if you live right that is morally right. But now I realised all the things I couldn’t see before. Might sound weird but my Wife, my Children the real family, friends and my own faith and real relationship with God through Jesus Christ all these things became bright in my darkness, the things that was little become very important then I realised that I actually didn't real appreciate them in its fullness, when I say that I mean I love my wife and children but sometimes real appreciation comes from a deep place of relationship and quality time spent, it’s not something I believe just happens because you have a title as father or husband, you see even when it's dark we always should give thanks even when it doesn't make sense, giving thanks releases joy into your heart when naturally you want to be upset feel down, deflated I mean true joy is strength research it type in Google "joy is strength" you see for me personally I put my confidence in the wrong things material, money, office, success but if you take that away from you, what is really left?, who are u are you? Are you defined by money or success in the way you view success?. I found out through the beautiful but hard and sometimes very painful process of humbling, having all the things that I thought defined me got crushed i.e money and success, but that does not define me anymore, my confidence doesn't come from those temporary places but from a deep relationship and understanding of who I am and who God created me to be I am talking purpose. I am at a amazing place where I totally cannot rely on my own strength or abilities. I am weak by myself but through understanding that my true strength will be made perfect in my weakness, but it's in that place of weakness (Darkness) where u give thanks forever thing I am talking little things like food, health, good relationship in your life, the ability to wake up, breath think, you see right now the media system out there especially in western society of investing billions & billions in making you spend, feel the need that you have to have the latest this and the latest that, big this, shinier that and in the midst of that race for success you can run right pass the little things that actually really matter like spending quality time with your children, your partner and valued family members and for somebody like me who is a born Christian spending that quality time getting to know Jesus is important and in the mist of that u can get that real sense of purpose, before I leave ask yourself one question in the BULL RING for example what shop's out of the hundreds are essential?? Are things really that bad guy? Get off the rat race of life and give thanks for the little things. I don't even want to start talking about looking around the world (“3rd world”) and reflect on how others are living, because I understand that your reality is your reality but STOP and think about the blessing in your life. What you do have, because guess what guys, when we all leave this earth we can't take nothing with us apart from our soul " what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and loss his own soul" so STOP reflect what are you actually racing around for, Stop and give thanks “even when things are or seem pants”
Thanks for reading,
God Bless you Nathan Dennis also known as Skippa peace out, Follow me on twitter @JustNdennis BB: 211D7E8C Sent from BlackBerry Smartphone