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Just a blog about my life, my mistakes, and the insanity that I power through every day

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Tip Tuesday #2

Today we are going to talk about family. Some families are great. Everybody has their place and feel at home. Others cosist of two moms or two dads. Some don’t have parents, but grandparents or aunts or uncles.

Not everybody has a family. Some people lost their parents at a young age. Some people have outlasted their friends.

But at the end of the day, families are important. They’re an integral part of us. So, what do you do when your family no longer feels like family? That’s a tough question.

Some of us are able to carry on without issue. They have found their place in this world without their family and not having them isn’t a big detriment. For others though, not having your family feels like having your hands cut off.

I’m one of those people. From personal experience it is no easy task to move on. It sucks when your family suddenly checks out for whatever reason.

I made a stupid choice when living with my aunt and her sons. I did some stupid things and took things and got caught. I apologized and have tried to make amends. My stepmom (my aunt’s biological sister) has changed in how she’s treating me. Before I was her daughter. Nothing would change the way she treated me.

Now, though. I get ignored on Thanksgiving. I don’t get to hear from them about my brother’s wedding, which I had to miss. I don’t get to hear when my grandmother is in the hospital. And that royally sucks ass. 

I have cried. Yelled. Cursed. Wished. Meditated. Everything and anything I could do to stop the question of why. I messed up. But the reason I did that stemmed from my aunt being so obsessive and controlling. I was an adult living with her, but I couldn’t leave the house without permission. I had to be in my 9 pm to watch HER kids even though they were all ready asleep and she was home. I put up with being called selfish, a bitch, whiny, ugrateful, lazy, and a multitude of other things. But I’m the one being punished because I got pushed to the edge. 

It took a while but I found my solution. I said fuck it. I have my best friend and her family, and she’s told me time and time again they are my family. Her husband is like a brother to me, her kids are the best part of my day. I have a potential boyfriend. I have a few people across the US I interact with on social media. I found a new family. And I think they’re better than my original family. 

I miss my dad. I miss my siblings. I miss my stepmom. I miss all of them so much every day. But they don’t miss me. And they don’t acknowledge my presence anymore. So I stopped acknowledging them. If they want to reach out to me that’s fine. I’ll respond. But, I don’t feel welcome there anymore. I don’t feel welcome around my own parents. I don’t feel welcome in their homes. 

So I don’t go there anymore.

If your family has disowned you or treated you badly for mistakes you made or choices you made, fuck them. They’re not worth the pain and emotional turmoil that you will experience. If your family is toxic. If they make you feel as less than. If they don’t respect you as a person. They don’t deserve to be in your life. And you don’t have to let them be in your life. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. The day I learned that was the day my life started getting better.

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Tip Tuesday #2

Tips. They come in the form of money, advice, information. And each one can be helpful or unhelpful in their own way.

So, let’s try doing some tips that are actually helpful to people, even if it’s just one person.

My second tip is this: don’t be afraid to disappoint people. This is much easier said than done. Believe me, I know. I’m the poster child for people-pleasers. Over the years though I’ve discovered that when I’m not afraid of disappointing somebody, I’m much more relaxed. I’m not afraid of what somebody is thinking every second. I can just live my life. 

Also, expect people to disappoint you. If you don’t expect somebody to do what you want them to, then when they don’t do it it doesn’t hurt as much. It’s crazy, and we as human beings don’t realize just how much we prioritize the opinions of others. But the second you stop trying to please everybody, the sooner you can focus on what pleases you and makes you happy.

[psychology-daily]

Psychology Daily - Quotes

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Tip Tuesday #1

Tips. They come in the form of money, advice, information. And each one can be helpful or unhelpful in their own way. 

So, let’s try doing some tips that are actually helpful to people, even if it’s just one person. 

My first tip of the day is: When dealing with a screaming child, remove yourself or the child from the situation. It doesn’t matter where you or they go. As long as you remove yourself or them from the area and situation. You can’t deal with a child if your not in control of yourself and your actions. And while your child is screaming (usually in the middle of a meltdown or tantrum) many times they are not in control of their actions. So, take a minute. Separate yourself from your child and the situation if you have to. Place them somewhere safe, whether it be in their playpen or down for a nap. Step away. Have a smoke, drink a coffee, listen to some music. Just recollect yourself and your feelings. 

You can not be an effective teacher to your children if you are not calm when teaching.

[sectornaut-deactivated20191222]

Montessori pedagogy is strict on building a child’s independence and it is my job to guide my students to be children with outstanding patience, care for themselves and others, and most importantly to ignite a fire within them to choose and want to choose work at free will. Here we have my student cleaning her underlay after having done some art: painting — part of her work is to care for her self, the work, materials and environment. It’s called Practical life.

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A Letter To You #1

Hey. You know who this is. I’m the person you broke. You didn’t mean to. Not at first at least. And in some ways I think maybe we would have stood a chance if we hadn’t been so messed up. You couldn’t love. I don’t think you know how. And that’s fine. Because you taught me what love feels like. Because I loved you. With every fiber of my being I loved you. I would have done anything for you. I did do anything for you. I did whatever you asked. And I did it happily. But one day, I looked in the mirror. And I didn’t recognize the girl staring back. No, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back. You took the little girl. You took her and broke her then remolded her. You didn’t know what to do with her. So, you did whatever your heart wanted to. And I didn’t know how to stop that. I only wanted your love. I wanted love and attention and security. I just wanted you. But you didn’t want me. And when I finally realized it it was too late to salvage my confidence and self esteem. It was too late to help myself. So, I left. It was all I could think to do. I couldn’t help myself but I could still save myself. And it hurt. It hurt so bad. I cried for weeks. Every song I heard, every face I saw, every dream I had. There you were. Waiting. Smirking. Making me wonder if I made the right choice in leaving. But eventually, that passed. I saw you less. Thought about you less. And then one day, I woke up, and it didn’t hurt anymore. That song that made me think about you was just another song to dance to. That shirt you said you liked so much became mine again. And little by little, day by day, month by month, I stopped missing you. I stopped yearning for you. I stopped trying to figure out why I wasn’t good enough for you. And then, just like that, you didn’t control my life anymore. I stopped caring what you thought. I stopped worrying about what made you want me. What made you leave me. One day, I retured to myself. Not completely, no. You still have part of my innocence. Part of my heart. But you don’t get the whole of it now. You don’t take up that empty space anymore. Your love wasn’t good for me, but it taught me so many things. And for that, I guess I have to be grateful. If for no other reason than I learned what I don’t need or want out of a relationship.

Sincerely,

The No Longer Broken Little Girl

[thelmel]

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Random Thoughts: Number 1

Does anybody ever feel like the universe is against them? Like there’s something out there that just doesn’t want you to be happy in life, or make you feel like anything good that does come is going to get taken back at any point. I don’t believe it’s true. Everybody in life deserves happiness. But I feel like there’s something out there that doesn’t want me to be happy. I’m not sure what to do with that idea. Except to just keep telling myself I do deserve happiness and that there is at least one person on this Earth that believes I do too.