ebb

[justfy-blog1]

i. saebyeok raises a brow at her statement. thinks nothing of it, more than to think of her as odd; peculiar. maybe even interesting.

ii. he ignores the ticking in his chest, and nods stiffly instead. looks at her, when she watching the sky.

there’s a wish for something more. saebyeok pushes it to the back of his head, hopes for the thought to dissolve on its own.

it won’t.

while she looks at him, and their eyes meet every once in a while (though fleeting agaze), and he doesn’t even attempt to smile. he just watches her for a few moments too long, knows he should look away— but ultimately doesn’t. whenever jimin calls for him, he arrives. it doesn’t matter how busy he is, or how much he should be working on editing a text for work, sooner or later he replies to her messages with a short ‘ok. be there.’ and makes no further effort to tap his fingers over a the screen. it’s all too complicated, and it’s her own fault when she knows he prefers when she calls. actually, he’d rather listen to her voice all day, but that’s nothing that’s spoken of. his lips are sealed, and so are his hands when he tightly knits them together in his lap when talking to her. in order not to move them around too much. saebyeok isn’t really the best of liars, even if he’d like to think he is.

her words are savored, processed and finally they place a taste on his tongue. it’s sweet, almost sickeningly sweet. honey with sugar on top. saebyeok licks his lips in an attempt to get rid of the flavor, but it coats his entire mouth instead while he’s unconsciously staring her dead straight in the eyes while doing so. “great.” he repeats in a mumble, slow as every time he voices anything. “grand.” in french, only to confirm to himself it translates well. it means the same thing either way, he just has to make sure. it’s becoming more and more of a habit around her, to have to confirm everything she says in every language possible.

he doesn’t say anything further until noticing her explaining it to him. she always knows when he needs explanations, and when he doesn’t. it’s infuriating. admirable. he wishes he was able to read people like that, to know what they want to hear.

there’s no ‘thank you’. no ‘merci’.

instead saebyeok, for the first time in a while— smiles. the curl of his lips turns wider than expected, and he doesn’t even attempt to hold it back. not this time. it’s in tune with her laughter.

she laughs, and he smiles.

no obligations, no attempt from his side to find out more. honey sticks to the roof of his mouth like never before, and he reaches out to brush a piece of a dried up leaf from the shoulder of her coat. fall is kind to them, this year. “i think so too. i really do.” that’s all he can say without having honey dribble down his chin, not thinking that he doesn’t specify it’s what he thinks of her too, not himself. good thing it’s not spring, or else the bees would be swarming around him by now.

(iii.)

“yeah.”

yeah, yeah, yeah.

her heart and mind are a rock song together. not a band, just one song. but if she believed in favorites, this would be it. it knocks the wind out of her, only leaving her to want more when she feels like she’s fallen a little too hard the first time around. let me have at it again, she pleas internally. back at it again with this. but never in the way where she feels like she’s lost.

challenged, jimin suddenly frowns. makes it a point that he needs to pay better attention now. it feels so out of place on her face, sure, but can he tell that much too? i’ve never done this before. she says this in blinks all while silently outlining the curve of his lips with each step she takes ahead of him. afraid he’ll see what it all means for him to be by her side when he actually is, even though she knows damn well that’s not how mind reading works. that mind reading technically doesn’t work at all. at the very least, she’d like to dream.

this instance is just overwhelming because it isn’t really one. of course saebyeok agrees with her sentiment, because he’s saebyeok, and saebyeok is. he never apologizes for it, not in spoken and unspoken languages alike. but she never wants to know what that’s like. never wills herself to. won’t, probably.

“i didn’t ask you,” she breathes out loud, with difficulty. to be smart. and for that to be wonderful all by itself. for her to finally have a clue on what that means. how song and film engrave it into every consumer’s mind and expect it to be something to reach for and to achieve, these being different things.

wishful thinking is not having to look anymore.

[justfy-blog1]

@ailesbrisees​

i. “please be excited when you see me, gramps. that is all. au revoir, whatever.”

ii. “jamie... works for me as long as it works for you.”

there were three smiles in total, the latest one meaning something more than the last.

the third hasn’t happened yet.

monday evening goes like: “i think you’re really great,” she breathes. it’s bated, but there is no but when she holds her ground. he’s a little tragic, in case he’s looking for a translation of this sentiment. an extension, rather. what’s more important to note is that he’d spared something past pennies, nickels, and dimes to even touch the mellow facade she herself puts up, what with all the bus rides and traveling by foot at a time. whatever it takes to meet halfway. she’s wondering now if it was ever worth it for him, all while not knowing what him being here means. by request especially. almost always hers, at that.

jimin bites back her bottom lip, fists clenched to her sides, tapping against her thighs every now and then. he’s tall enough to ignore, a silent hope residing in her for wanting to be short enough to be noticed. the girl is small here, but... not exactly curious enough to analyze what broken means in the same state of being. “you are, nice to talk to.” she fights the urge to sneak a glance up at saebyeok. “nice to listen to.” and then (iii.) she’s laughing it off, scrunching up her shoulders when she’s done. allowing them to relax the minute her gaze meets the ground. and then his feet. hers after.

the silence isn’t a plea for him to provide any answer. it stands alone. she, not so much.

or so it feels anyway. which, without a (real) doubt, is all that matters. 

(you’re good at this, and i want you to know that.)

meanwhile she wants to believe she’s graduated from all her murmurs. all the ones she’s ever known, only to realize there are more she has to familiarize herself with after this one. “doesn’t matter what language,” she feels the need to specify, heart in her throat right beneath her words. “just.” a purse of her lips, the timidity increasing by the second. “yeah.”

[justfy-blog1]

frustrated brows knit together in an attempt to balance out the impulsive tickling in his fingertips, biting at his neck and making him scratch another itch that doesn’t exist. in apparent refusal to give in, he drops his phone onto the table from a height that’s a little too high up to be safe. he paid a lot of money for a device that he barely has any understanding of. it works well as a watch and to call, but the lettered buttons rarely obey to his will. 

< unsent > [sms: strawberry jam] your opinions has its…

strawberry jam, sweet and sticky, appears on his screen against the darkest of teals, right before the sound makes him jolt every so slightly in his seat. before he’s able to give in to any urges of his old-fashioned ways, the phone sing-a-songs an annoying tone that he doesn’t know how to change. he answers as quickly as possible— mainly to get rid of the chirping ringing, but also because he sighs in relief of not having to figure out texting any further than this.

“jimin.” he says, instinctively, as his phone fumbles in his hand on its way to his ear— awkwardly. it comes out harsh, bland, and without any depiction of emotion. he clears his throat, and tries to taste the name again, hopefully with more than a halfhearted cough. “jimin, why didn’t you call me from the very beginning?” of course he’s already complaining rather than being grateful he doesn’t have to attempt using his worn finger pads again. “firstly, what do the eyes mean? je ne comprends rien. (i don’t understand it.)”

what tickles first?

her stomach? or... his voice, even if it’s not directly in her ear? that’s said because speakers aren’t a credible source, especially for something you crave. she craves the air as is, the air that will carry something straight from where it comes.

technology truly is not shit sometimes.

breathlessly, jimin laughs into her answer. as if words would ever think they’d weigh a lot more than they promise to when it matters. they’re always only heavy when it doesn’t. “you can’t see me raise my eyebrows through my voice, for one.” the girl imagines a cord she could twirl with her free hand, tries to make up for her lack of old-fashioned ways to go hand in hand with his own here. “andddd,” she knocks over a photo frame with her hip, making no effort in picking it up right away, “that’s all i’ve got.” i don’t know how else to explain it. the picture she’d accidentally dropped on the floor was worth the fall, she tells herself when she picks it up and places it back on the table. ketchup and egg, these boys. they’ve never been the same for her since conception.

intermissions are necessary in the merry-go-round of life. you’d get a headache if you didn’t have any, and then you’d die.

saebyeok’s on speaker when she draws the phone away from her ear, tongue sticking out at the corner of her mouth upon scrolling through her messages. divide and conquer, conquer and divide. “what else did you ask,” she mumbles to herself once again, trying to comprehend what he was asking of her in this brief exchange. and then: no, no, the ones before that.

( sms ← birdmouth ) and i have no idea what the other symbol is supposed to be? a square that’s collapsing in on itself?

“it’s...”

loud and clear in her heart, nothing more than a curious murmur in reality. consistency isn’t always admirable, but she’ll pretend she’s not keeping track. she’ll never stop. pretending, that is.

caving is, then: “where do i meet you?”

pretending. like her life depends on it.

[consilian-archive]

@justfy.

if she knows one thing for sure, then it’s this: love comes in a way she’s never expected before. because, you see, it always goes a little something like this: boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after. there’s no need for fighting. they fill space, together.

the great thing is, ahyeon doesn’t believe in that. but what’s even better? there’s more to love than just the romantic layer of it. there’s the love she feels for her family; the kind that hurts when you don’t feel understood or acknowledged, but it lingers and keeps you around. keeps you coming back even though you know it’s better not to. it’s toxic and comforting at the same time and there’s really no better way to put it, she figures.

then there’s the love reserved for special people only. love that comes in nagging and annoyingly loud laughter and too wide grins and the comfort of knowing you have a place to go to, a person willing to listen.

“you’re like a sister to me,” she hums once, face buried in the pillow and hair crinkling around her ears. it’s short now, shorter than it was before, barely reaching her chin. she’s always liked her hair much better that way. stops her from accidentally burning it when she’s in class and playing with chemicals, which is amusing to think about. maybe that’s why she always goes for the bright colors.

like now, when she’s back to pink.

(“did you dye it pink because of valentine’s day?” jimin inquired after picking her best friend up from the hairdresser, eyes narrowing in curiosity. ahyeon only laughed in response.)

“good. cause your sister wants a burger now. drive me?”

the older’s gaze demonstratively drops down to the clock on the bedside table. the numbers 1:32 am mockingly glaring back at her.

her lips split apart to reveal a toothy grin. “come on, let’s go!”

[justfy-blog1]

normal people aren’t like this.

normal people usually say they’re ready for some sleep during this half of the day, ready to be shitfaced. or maybe a little bit of both. at a time or not at all.

normal is textbook, however, and if there’s any real basis you should go off of, then what the hell really is solid ground? a foundation? she can’t think much of it, but when there’s downtime in which silence is all that exists around her, there’s also not really much of a choice than to make something of whatever comes to mind.

winter solstice is her favorite for this very reason. so she can make sure that whatever comes to mind isn’t wasted during the day, for there is no day to really indulge in. being an early bird was never her thing anyway.

this works.

it’s winter solstice when she finds herself on campus a little later than usual. seventeen o’clock already, dark and as warm as she could ever feel this season. to be fair it is the first day of it all anyway. but jimin’s too excited to care for inconsistencies, a paradox all on her own with how serene she presents herself on the outside. her arms clutch responsibly around five(? no, six. what the fuck) bags of snacks, leaves crunching beneath skidded soles. the mystery of serenity ceases here.

supposedly normal people could fall in the margins she’s set.

[consilian-archive]

35. things you said at the top of your lungs

status: meme no longer accepting.

i.

”are you really asking me to go through with this?”

there’s a beat of silence and for a moment, she thinks, she’s almost there. almost.

“it’s harmless, c’mon on! plus, we’ll get a good laugh out of it. i will, at least.”

ahyeon hopes that jimin will catch on to her silent way of saying, if looks could kill you, you’d be six feet under right now. but she’s only grimacing in response to the firm statement of the other woman, lips pressing together anxiously while her mind is taking ten steps at a time to try and figure out a plan that will satisfy jimin with its result without having to embarrass herself in front of the other students on campus.

they’re best friends, sure, but sometimes it feels like jimin enjoys the teasing more than she should. which, in hindsight, makes sense; ahyeon does the same to her, though not as much. it’s a push and pull, a give and take. except, jimin’s good at taking too much out of ahyeon and she then, needs some time to recuperate.

(”it’s what growing up with brothers will do to you,” jimin has once said, looking at ahyeon as though she would expect her to understand considering all of the time they spend with each other. ahyeon knows jimin and her family like the back of her hand.

but instead, she blanks, swallows and only offers a dumb nod of her head in response, lacking any kind of words to describe her own family situation. the one that jimin is so painfully familiar with as well.

how would she know? her half-sister doesn’t even know she exists.)

”you’re looking a little glum, are you alright?” jimin’s voice, colored with concern that she rarely gets to hear, cuts through the air and tugs ahyeon back into reality. makes her want to curl her lips up into a smile but she’s not; instead, there’s the overwhelming need to swallow down a much stronger emotion lingering in her throat, rendering her unable to say something in her defense.

the girl raises her hand and shakes her head uncertainly. jimin’s eyes narrow when she scans her features, and ahyeon prays she’ll let it go. that she won’t ask for clarification and let her be and tell her something about how one of the girls she’s seen strolling around on campus before, looks like she’s wearing an itchy sweater. about how one of the boys has been looking down on his phone for the past ten minutes and then raised his head to look at the people around him once more, probably because “he is getting stood up”. ahyeon prays jimin will let it be and talk to her about something else.

when she does, she feels a wave of relief washing over her.

ii.

“i’ll do it another time.”

“you better!” is followed by “don’t worry, i’m just joking around.” ahyeon truly isn’t sure if it’s that easy but she won’t make a fool out of herself by asking. she knows jimin, so it’s okay.

they should be asleep, but ahyeon’s too wide awake to consider that. she remembers she needs to study, and go to the hairdresser soon as well. she’s finally grown tired of the washed out colour but she’s still waiting on her paycheck, so there’s little she can do about it now.

but jimin’s at her place right now and they’re talking and playing video games and she’s not sure if she wants to disturb that. not yet, not now, and certainly not in the way she’s been mulling over for the past few days.

“can i ask you something?” the inquiry comes slipping out quietly, hesitantly. like she isn’t sure if bringing this up is a good idea at all, like she shouldn’t even think about this in the first place. but jimin hums in a way that makes her think of this as less of a bad idea and more of a creative suggestion. “hit me with your best shot.”

”what do you do when you need to let… something out?”

“something? as in?” jimin’s gaze catches hers and ahyeon can feel her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. she doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s too confusing      even for someone like her. “you’re blushing,” jimin adds with a shit-eating grin, the mischievous tone enough to make ahyeon want to throw her console at her. and right now, she wants to curl in on herself; for all the teasing she does and is used to, coming from the younger in particular, this is something she doesn’t know how to deal with for sure.

jimin only makes it worse, but ahyeon can’t really hold that against her. wouldn’t really want to, even if she knew how to.

the silence stretches. jimin stops playing at some point before eventually turning the entire thing off. then turns her attention completely to the older, a smile pulling on her lips. “do tell. i want to know what’s got you so speechless. it’s a sight i don’t see very often, you know.”

ahyeon presses her lips together, unwilling to give herself away. “i’m not saying.”

“oh please,” jimin laughs, the sound loud and clear and every bit the little girl ahyeon has always walked to and from school with, back in their younger days. “it’s written all over your face! do you think i wouldn’t notice you spacing out? this,” she extends her arm, reaches for a copy of a video game resting somewhere on the ground before holding it up, “is your favorite game and you didn’t even get mad when i beat you. two times in a row, might i add.”

the older blinks, stunned into silence. jimin, however smug she might appear right now, does have keen perception. she can physically feel her stomach churning at that thought.

“who is it?”

the question hangs in the air a little awkwardly and even with ahyeon opening her mouth, there’s no response coming out. it’s not, she realizes, embarrassment at wanting to share something with her best friend, who has probably known her for longer than any of her other friends in her life do right now. it’s the feeling in itself that makes her want to hide away.

but, at the very least, she can feel herself relaxing a little when she lets laughter drip from her lips. “am i that easy to read?” she asks, through a wide smile and cheeks that are painted a bright red.

jimin’s smile mirrors her own, she thinks. they’re truly family.

“i know you,” is all she gets.

ahyeon thinks, it’s the best answer she could’ve given her.

[justfy-blog1]

wordstuck.co.vu Prompts

Send one (+ a character if you'd like) and I'll write a drabble based on the word, or add 'starter' in and I'll do a starter for our characters based on the word(s).

la douleur exquise: The exquisite pain of wanting the affection of someone you know you can never have.

wanderlust: A strong desire for or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world.

dēsīderium: An ardent desire of longing, particularly for something once had; grief for the absence of loss of something or someone.

pikit mata: 'with eyes closed'; how you accepted the fact of something against your desires must be done.

sigurista: Someone who makes sure that everything goes as planned; the kind of person who will not act unless he totally feels sure that the desired result would be obtained.

velleity: A wish or desire to see something done, but nit enough will to make it happen or actions meant to pursue it.

sehnsucht: 'the inconsolable longing in the human heart for we know not what'; a high degree of intense, recurring, and often painful desire for something, particularly if there's no hope to attain the desired or when its attainment is uncertain, still far away.

koi no yokan: 'premonition of love'; the sense one can get upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to falling love. This differs from the idea 'love at first sight' in that it does not imply that the feeling of love exists, rather refers to the knowledge that a future love is possible.

meraki: to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself into your work.

mamihlapinatapei: the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start.

forelsket: the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.

geborgenheit: to feel completely safe, like nothing could ever harm you; security, comfort, trust, satisfaction, acceptance and love from others.

ya’aburnee: 'you bury me'; a declaration of one's hope that they'll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

augenblick: 'in the blink of an eye'; a 'decisive moment' in time that is fleeting, yet momentously eventful and incredibly significant.

herzschmerz: heartache; an emotional pain in the heart.

retrouvailles: the happiness of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation.

einfühlungsvermögen: a deep understanding of someone's feelings, thoughts and motives that are easily comprehended by yourself.

serendipity: the luck that takes the form of discovering valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for or while looking for something else.

ichigo ichie: 'one time, one meeting'; and encounter that only happens once in a lifetime, reminding to treasure every moment, for it will never recur.

saudade: a deep, nostalgic, and melancholic longing for something or someone, often accompanied with denied fact that what one longs for will never come back.

cwtch: a warm, affectionate hug, cuddle or snuggle that gives a feeling of a safe place or home.

kilig: the delightful feeling that sends shivers of pleasure down the spine as one encounters something romantic.

liefdesverdriet: the sadness, depression or pain one feels about a love unanswered or love that is gone.

elmosolyodni: to slowly break out into a genuine smile when being overcome with emotions, like love or utter happiness.

pluviphile: a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

kalverliefde: the temporary affection and infatuation usually experienced by two people in love.

torpe: the-quality of, usually a young male, being to shy to pursue amorous desires to someone adored.

mélomanie: an excessive and abnormal love and deep attraction to music and melody.

nyctophilia: love of darkness or night; finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness.

yuánfèn: a relationship brought by fate or destiny; the binding force which eventually links two people together in love.

lǎotóng: 'old same'; a form of eternal friendship between "heart sisters" – two women who are closer than husband and wife.

b'shert: 'destiny'; the seeking if a person who will complement you, and whom you will complement perfectly.

oodal: the sulking or fake anger occurring between couple after a lovers tiff, usually over something inconsequential – a feeling recognized to be a facet of love or affection.

vuslat: a union or reunion after being apart for a long time with one's beloved.

pacalai: 'lovesick pallor'; the pale complexion of a women suffering the loss of or separation from her husband or lover.

redamancy: a love returned in full; the act of loving the one who loves you.

thuong: to love tenderly – a deep and sincere notion of fondness and care between family members, friends, or lovers.

amor vincit omnia: 'love conquers all'

kaiho: a hopeless longing – an involuntary solitude in which one feels incompleteness and yearns for something unattainable or extremely difficult and tedious to attain.

euneirophrenia: a peace of mind that comes from having pleasant dreams.

boketto: to gaze vacantly into the distance without thinking or doing anything.

luchtkasteel: 'air castle'; a wish or dream one hopes to fulfill in the future, yet will never be achieved, as it is so vast, immense and unlikely.

gumusservi: the light of the moon as it shines upon the water.

aamukaste: morning dew.

murr-ma: to walk along in the water searching for something with your feet.

tükörsima: 'as smooth as the-surface of the mirror'; describes a still water which has unbroken surface, neither by wind nor by some object or animal.

aranyhíd: 'golden bridge'; the reflection of the sun as it shines upon the water.

walwalün: the sound that a flowing water makes.

ruska: the phenomenon of leaves turning various shades of red, yellow, purple and brown during the autumn season.

psithurism: the sound of the leaves rustling as the wind blows through the trees.

şafak: the first skylight seen during dawn or just before the sun rise.

yeoubi: 'fox rain'; a sun shower – the event of having a light rain while the sun is still shinning.

madrugada: the moment at dawn when the night greets the day.

[nevver]

Separation Anxiety, Rala Choi

[justfy-blog1]

  Haha. That’s funny.

  Moonsik lets her do her thing, check him out, tilt her head a little, all while thinking she proves to be more of a riddle than an anecdote. More than those times you’ve told someone about your day. But that’s just the way it goes for most people; you find out they have a life and problems and brothers and it makes you realize you’re just scratching the surface.

   “Now I’m not so sure, I think it fits me,” he pushes his hair back, the pads of his fingers trailing down to drum on his chin. He never realized how vacant this cabin was until he spoke again, voice above the tone he expected. Good, at least he’s still pronouncing everything properly. He might not see very well, but he’s not slurring, and considering how fucked up he allowed himself to get tonight, that’s a fair accomplishment.

  “Most call me Moonsik though.” And the thing about this was that, no matter if she got his real name out of him, it’d be the first and last time she’d hear it. Because these subway meetings aren’t meant to last and he’s already foreseeing to never knowing the end of her dilemmas.

  “Who do you prefer being?”

  At least for tonight.

What a place and time to snort and be amused. She can’t be bothered to apologize for any of it, swaying only because the train is, too. The silence that isn’t really silence is good enough of a beat to keep her moves stagnant, consistent, nothing short of an invitation in case the man’s not too tired to stand up himself. To this she bobs her head. To her, nothing back.

“Who are most?” Jimin presses, bottom lip jutting out as her eyes glaze over her own feet. “A lot?” One hand stays on the bar above, another coming forward to prod his forehead lightly. “Or your typical bunch of two on nights like this one?” Same hand’s joining bar hand up there again, a brief pause coming in the form of that single inhale through her nose. “Moonsik,” she exhales.

She also stops nodding. “Sick name for a moon guy.”

Moon guy. Jimin mulls over this name in her head. Moon Guy. It’s night time.

Haha. That’s funny,

“I’m sun girl.” She clicks her tongue, watches her reflection and imagines her eyebags in high definition had this window been a proper mirror instead. “Homesick.” Home...sik. It... does not work that way, but she laughs half-assedly regardless. Quiet and raspy, pointing a finger gun to the nobody beside him. The wink’s a blink too late, but no one has the energy to keep score.

[justfy-blog1]

( sms ) omg can you please be serious for once? ( sms ) this is so bad i don’t know what to do >//< ( sms ) and i was really looking forward to today… what a disappointment. ( sms ) on campus, at that one thai restaurant i brought you to two weeks ago, remember? ( sms ) maybe i’ll just say i don’t feel good and go home. how weird will that make me look? ( sms ) don’t answer, that’s a rhetorical question

( sms: ahahahayeon ) huh. that’s new, actually. ( sms ) 🤔 ( sms ) and omg yea? that place was so GOOD!!!

( sms ) wow... i can’t believe you are THERE with someone that is not ME! hahaha!!!

( sms ) let me ignore you for a sec 

[justfy-blog1]

@consilian​ 

( sms ) your tv is always on so it doesn't matter when you're being a pest again ( sms ) but that does not apply when you're going out with someone to meet them! and they end up being more interested in their phone than in you ( sms ) if they can do that, so can i. ( sms ) if you don't respond to my messages, i'm never gonna pick u up again from anywhere = =

( sms: ahahahayeon ) huhuhu ( sms ) as if the transit system does not already exist 🙄

( sms ) but good point. jokes aside ( sms ) : / ( sms ) also, that’s THEIR loss. ( sms ) where ya hanging out rn? 👀

[justfy-blog1]

( sms ) save me from today please, it's so disheartening to have someone ignore you when you're supposed to have a conversation with them ㅜㅜ

( sms: ahahahayeon ) what the…( sms ) them??? ignoring /you/?

( sms ) how do you deal with me giving you that same treatment then?( sms ) ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[consilian-archive]

a drabble for @justfy!

district three is a good place to grow up in.

and growing up, ahyeon doesn’t believe most of the stories that people tell in hushed voices. nothing particularly matters other than the things she gets to play with so she’ll keep quiet, mom says. because mom’s always sneering, looking like she’d prefer to be elsewhere. or just away from her, ahyeon can never truly tell. but, it’s okay.

time passes and ahyeon soon understands that she prefers autumn over summer and that spring always leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. every year two names get drawn, every year two faces vanish from the minds of the people in their district.

she’s seventeen when her name gets drawn.

(there are encouraging whispers wishing to support the hollowness in her chest but the most she gets out of people are pitying stares and glances that refuse to conceal the truth.

rather you than me is the silent confession that nobody dares to speak aloud in the moment her mom’s hysteric screams ripple through the air.)

ahyeon meets the capitol two weeks later. meets what it’s like to have hair that feels like silk, a table filled with all kinds of delicacies. she meets the representatives of the other districts three days later. meets the fist of the female from district seven, the foot from the guy of district nine. they fight a lot, more than they should or are supposed to for the moment. hostility is in the atmosphere the moment ahyeon is introduced to these strangers with a gleam of either desperation or pure hatred in their eyes.

save for one, but it takes more time and a celebration for the upcoming annual hunger games for them to truly speak to each other.

(that evening, they end up somewhere out and about. dresses torn and hair a true mess with crooked, insincere smiles hanging from their lips.

“i’m really scared.”

“i know. me too.”)

the first day, five people die. ahyeon hears the sound one too many times and she’s sure it’s one she’ll never shake out of her head or pry out of her bruised and bloody skin.

(she catches jimin resting on a tree, by herself. oblivious to the environment or the circumstances for just one small blissful moment. and, she could use it to her advantage, she thinks.

her left hand grips the other’s shoulder, the right is pressed onto her mouth to muffle any kind of sound while attempting her best to balance herself. ahyeon’s always loved climbing but the aspect of being shot with an arrow doesn’t strike her as too attractive. jimin looks about as shocked as ahyeon feels, her heart throbbing rather painfully in her chest.

“you need to get up higher or they’ll be able to get to you.”

jimin nods.

they both survive the day.)

on the second day, it’s three more.

(”they poisoned the water,” ahyeon mumbles disheartened, no more tears left to spill at this point. she’s sure she’s shaking through the haze, when she’s back in the cave they’ve found while looking for something to eat. their sponsors aren’t exactly giving so they have to go out to help themselves. at least neither of them have been seriously injured so far.

“maybe we can still survive this, if we’re clever about it,” her countenance is about as encouraging as ahyeon’s attempt at drawing a shaky breath.

“we won’t. not together.”

“but maybe one?”

time stills and for a moment, danger seems to cease. the clock strikes twelve.)

in the end, neither of them make it out alive. it’s the fourth day and ahyeon’s stuck in quicksand. cries bitter tears and swallows every kind of scream that threatens to be undone, threatens to put jimin in potential harm.

and jimin?

she doesn’t let go in the first place.

[justfy-blog1]

@existheory

  The subway shakes and moves forward, no moonlight spilling or a soul talking. And this was fine as it is; he’s not on all his senses to be as wary as he should. He’s estimating he’ll arrive in about ten minutes, and hopes that whatever moves the world will give him the balance to not stumble on his feet when he gets off.

  He’s looking at the floor when her steps near.

  Now there’s a girl sitting to his right, and Moonsik never realized the moment she began mumbling to herself until he rubbed on his eyelids. She’s so, so talkative and he’s so, so drunk. He’s got his eyes flickering into slits and his hands on his pockets when he starts paying more attention; he wants to tie how she went from her parents scolding to her brother’s damn bad habits. But she didn’t say that. Not openly.

  If anyone’s out there listening, then good. But otherwise, that’s cool too.

  There had to be something about her voice that kept him grasping from time to time her ramble, at least until he got off. Moonsik steals the chance to speak before she can go on about who knows what, voice slow and half-stuck to his throat;

  “I’m listening.”

Maybe I just like him.

You can love a person without having to like them, however. Another point she’s ready to bring up and discuss with me, myself, and I until she’s brought to a standstill. Sitstill? Whatever, she’s fricking seated all by herself on this stupid subway bench with nothing but worn-out mittens to keep her warm. It’s work past actual work hours, and she’s not having any of it if she’s met with more dirt by the time she’s home.

Three questions go through Jimin’s head when she looks up and matches the voice with a face:

1) How much did you hear? 2) Did I... ask you... to? 3) ?????...????????..???

Only three(?), before her mouth falls open to say: “Hey, listening.” To stop there, stand up from her spot and clutch on the bar over their heads. It’s a slow process, but she relishes in it all somehow - first in his bangs, how they fall on either side of his face. How tired he looks without having to do anything, how the feeling reigns just from getting a load of all she’s had to offer these past few minutes.

How much did you hear?

Jimin looks straight at his face, tilts her head for a better view. Not that the stranger’s actually unsightly, you know. Hence, a sigh. Half in amusement, half out of her own lack of strength in this stance. He can figure that out, too, if he wants.

“You prefer being anyone else?”

[justfy-blog1]

what color are you?

rules: take this test and post your results.

you are turquoise — #40E0D0.

your dominant hues are green and blue. you're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

your saturation level is higher than average - you know what you want, but sometimes know not to tell everyone. you value accomplishments and know you can get the job done, so don't be afraid to run out and make things happen.

your outlook on life is bright. you see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

[justfy-blog1]

it takes saebyeok more than fifteen minutes to even press his finger onto a single letter on his phone, simply because jimin’s way of sending text messages always seems to confuse him. he watches the little symbols, tries to understand the underlying meaning. somewhere between sighing and about to give up, saebyeok decides it’s better to ignore the elements he doesn’t understand and lets slow fingertips tap over the screen instead. it’s better this way.

[sms: strawberry jam] super excited? i thought you were just a typical bilingualist that naturally came to love languages and their structures. [sms: strawberry jam] i’ll teach you french when you stop mumbling in english. that pisses me off. ‘hello, how are you, i’m fine, thank you, and you?’ this is all i know how to say. [sms: strawberry jam] you didn’t answer my question. [sms: strawberry jam] when did you decide you wanted to become a linguist? or is that even your dream? [sms: strawberry jam] spill everything. preferably in person though. your eye symbols confuse me. and i have no idea what the other symbol is supposed to be? a square that’s collapsing in on itself?

saebyeok really isn’t made for this. he’s tempted to make a call instead and get it explained to him, simply because writing on his phone takes forever. when he puts his glasses back on mid-texting, he realizes reading the symbols suddenly becomes a lot easier. eyes that are staring? what’s that supposed to mean? a mystery yet to be solved.

(sms: birdmouth) not everyone makes it as much of a deal as it should be, but that’s just my opinion. plus the more the better, really (sms: birdmouth) me? mumbling? 

jimin laughs to herself. who said any of that was meant for you in the first place... [insert stress beads in the narrative here]. and besides, that’s good, she continues to think, never quite placing her words on paper. 

< unsent > (sms: birdmouth) i mean if you’ve been around me for this long by now then i’d expect you’d know more, but heh

she swipes her messages away, brings up the dialpad instead and hovers her thumb over the call button. how his number’s so magically appeared first is hard to tell - debate later, tackle first. coincidences and telepathy all work the same way you want them to no matter how many times you tell yourself they’re not the same damn thing. she sticks her tongue out half at the thought, half in concentration. a centimeter at most. thumb against the screen, jimin lets go just as quickly. the phone now sits in the crook of her neck, hair pushed back with a headband she’d found at the corner of her eye just seconds ago.

soft sighs. soft sighs, then, are a new hello. bonne nuit, she'll insist upon the pick-up. i know that means good night, goodbye. which it will be, if you’re enough of a sourpuss to already tell me how wrong it sounds from me—

[justfy-blog1]

read 5:24 pm

sent 5:30 pm (sms—gigglesnort) ok (sms—gigglesnort) it’s one thing to think our food would be authentic mexican (sms—gigglesnort) but they takin issue with my face too??? (sms—gigglesnort) anyone who thinks this mug ugly has an issue tf

sent 5:32 pm (sms: heehaw) lmaooooo (sms: heehaw) well if you really think ur a mug and all (sms: heehaw) square up and //do// something about it (sms: heehaw) u just gonna take it like that?

i don’t think so!!!!