Oracle's Network

I try and post everyday...and that's all I know!

[justiceleaguelog]

Don't Ask Dumb Question, Damian

Assassin!Reader: Hey Ra's, so like is Damian betrothed to anyone or something?

Ra's Al Ghul: No...why do you ask.

Assassin!Reader: You dating anyone, Damian? Damian: No... Assassin!Reader: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Damian: How'd you even get into my house, L/N?

[justiceleaguelog]

Bruce: I'm sorry. Please talk to me.

Batsib: ...

Bruce: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure?

Batsib: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

[justiceleaguelog]

Assassin!Reader's Incorrect Quotes

Damian: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people-opener”?

Assassin!Reader:

Assassin!Reader: …Should I not have?

....................

Ra's: Turns on the kitchen light

Assassin!Reader: Sitting at the table, eating bread

Ra's: It’s four in the morning.

Assassin!Reader: Turn the light back off.

..................

Damian: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Assassin!Reader: It was autocorrected.

Damian: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Assassin!Reader: Yes.

[justiceleaguelog]

More Batfam Quotes

Bruce: Y/N… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Batsib: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Bruce:

Bruce: I wrote sanitize, Batsib.

.......................

Dick: When's the last time you slept?

Tim: Uh… a few days ago, I think.

Dick: A few- how many?!

Tim: Uh… starts counting on fingers I need more fingers…

Dick: What you need is sleep!

.....................

Damian: Is C always like this when they lose?

Jason: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015.

Wonder!Reader: You bumped that table, and you know it!

.....................

Assassin!Reader, watching Damian get stabbed: You’re dead. You are very dead. When you are a corpse, I will hack away at your flesh and eat you raw.

Damian: L/N, I’m not dead yet.

Assassin!Reader: Let me have my moment of rage to avenge you.

Damian: I’d prefer it if you didn’t let me die.

.......................

Cop: Can you describe the person who stabbed you?

Jason, talking about Wonder!Reader: Lithe, spirited, outgoing, and not afraid to speak their mind. They were a raw sexual force and they knew it. They were a dandelion fluff on a summer day, gone in an instant, leaving you with nothing but a memory of their touch and the faint taste of strawberries on your lips.

Cop: …Great, we have a motive, but we still need a description.

[justiceleaguelog]

What If

So, I noticed Marvel's what if series was getting an update on Disney Plus and I thought, "Man we need some for DC." Someone please write this!

What if: Alfred never worked for the Wayne family and instead for the Cobblepot? (Penguin's family)

What if: Ra's never brought Jason back to life?

What if: Damian stayed with his mother and never went to live with Bruce?

What if: Amanda Waller never formed the suicide squad

What if: Harley Quinn never broke up with Joker

What if: Duke's parents succeeded

That's all I've got so far! I'll have more in the future.

[justiceleaguelog]

Incorrect Quotes {Batfam}

Bruce, running on 23 hours without sleep: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

Dick: See, B, this is why you need sleep.

Batsib: Tim, doesn't sleep and he turned out fine.

Meanwhile, Tim: I have had one hour of sleep one brownie and one espresso, and I am ready to either fight god or become him!

................

Alfred, tending to Jason's wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Jason: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

............

Duke: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Batsib, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

[justiceleaguelog]

Batsib is Mad at Bruce

Bruce: Can I have some water?

Batsib: starts chugging their water bottle

Batsib: chokes from drinking too fast

Batsib: spills water all over themself

Batsib, coughing: I don't have any water.

[justiceleaguelog]

Deep Convo W/ Batsibling!

Batsib: Do y'all wanna have a deep convo?

Damian: What's the meaning of this, L/N?

Duke Sure! What's the rules?

Batsib: Trauma dumps our allowed, just know, no one's gonna take it seriously! Now, speed run it!

Dick: When I was younger, I watched my parents died and had to be put protective care, hiding out with some random billionaire who was watching the show.

Batsib: Wonderful!

Jason: I was killed when I was super young, came back as some hot anti-hero and my only way to cope is by making jokes!

Batsib: That's what I like to here, Jay! Come on Dami, you're next!

Damian: I was raised as a weapon for the League of Assassins.

Batsib: Boo! Unorignal! We already have one of those!

Cass: Sup, Cassandra Cain, age 19, I'm a weapon.

[justiceleaguelog]

This Is a New Low, Y/N

Okay, so as a DC fan, I honestly think about adopting so many characters. So since, I'm a somewhat writer, I'm going to make Bat!Sibling act these fantasies out!

Dick, driving: Hey, Kids, how was your day?

Bat!Sibling: Oh, it was fine. I got 5 new kids today.

Dick, slams on the breaks: WHAT?!

Bat!Sibling: I got 5 new kids.

Damian: Seriously, Grayson, you didn't know about their addiction to adopting random people? They remind me of Father.

Dick: Wait, Y/N, how many kids do you have exactly?

Bat!Sibling: Um....19?

***

Batman: It's about time you've gone back to Arkham, Bane.

Bane: I think not, Batman! Oh hi, (parent)!

Bat!Sibling: Oh, my goodness, Bane! B, stop being a dick and say hello to your grandson!

Batman: My what?!

Oracle, on comms: Best not to ask, Bats.

[justiceleaguelog]

I REBUKE THEE DEMON

Jason: Y/N Prince, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!

Wonder!Reader: Rebuke? Is that a word?

Jason: You have all invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!

Wonder!Reader: What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?

[justiceleaguelog]

What a Lame Date

Assassin!Reader: This date is boring!

Damian: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Assassin!Reader: Then why did you invite me?

Damian: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Damian I'll do whatever I want!"

[justiceleaguelog]

Dance Bats

I Have This Headcanon The Batfam Loves Dance Moms and Reference It Everyday.

...........................

Reporter: Cassandra, could you tell the media how you feel about dance?

Cass: My dream is to continue dancing forever. I would kill myself if I didn’t dance.

.......................

Tim: I really hope you lose.

Damian: I don’t like to lose, but I don’t ever lose anyway.

..............

Jason: Well, some of us have dreams Steph!

Alfred: I personally would like to be on Broadway, Master Jason.

Steph: I don’t want to go on Broadway, I want to just stay home and eat chips.

...............................

Bonus with Wonder!Reader and Assassin!Reader.

Damian: That's why I believe that the Bat family is the most elite family in the Justice League.

Assassin!Reader, who prefers the Super family: You're entitled to your wrong opinion, that's fine.

..............

Wonder!Reader: Why'd you get in a fight with that old lady?

Jason: I told her that her daughter looked like roadkill.

[justiceleaguelog]

GRWM To Torture/Kill This Prick

Assassin!Reader: Get ready with me to torture this random prick!

Damian, tied up: Release me!

Assassin!Reader: Shut up! So basically, Ra told me I needed to find his grandson, or whatever, and to torture him until he promises to come back. Some shit like that.

Damian: Is this video really necessary?

Assassin!Reader: Of course it is, Ra says I have to keep track of my torturing.

[justiceleaguelog]

Jason!Just came back from the dead: And then I hop in, shoot the dumb fuck and escape!

Jason: So that’s my plan.

Amazon!Reader: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.

Jason: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Amazon!Reader: It fucking sucks.

Jason: That’s not constructive criticism.