With all my love, @justjessicathoughts - Tumblr Blog

sixpenceee

Very close encounter with a humpback whale and her newborn on their 8000km journey at Rarotonga, Cook Islands

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sixpenceee

Neurons firing what energy the have left from freshly cut meat

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inukag

Moroha in “Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon”

dualvoidanima

‘abnormal’

utwo

𝙲𝚘𝚜𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝟸.

𝙷𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝟾 𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚎-𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎.

minuty

Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.

Leo F. Buscaglia (via minuty)

Mama

I thought the enemy was you, but it was the chains of generational trauma that bound your womb to mine. How could you love me mama? I feel ashamed for all the times I lashed out at you when you were also healing from the trauma from your own mama.

How could you look at your own baby when I burned myself alive to what I thought was the path to enlightenment? Destruction began with xanax and ended with bitter words that I didn’t mean.

The numbness in my heart choked my soul and acted in ego. I failed to see that you were healing too.

The first time I told you I hated you, I was raised in anger and consumed with pride. I was prepared for war, but all I saw back were your tears. Mama how could you see me with love when I thought replacing your love with pills would keep me warm at night?

You’re so beautiful and I’m sorry it took me this long to see that in you.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t see with every smile you were being strong for me and dad.

I’m sorry I couldn’t see with all the books you bought to be a good mother, you were sorry too for what you lacked when you were younger.

I’m sorry I shut you down and you still tried for me.

I’m sorry I just focused on the past but not on the present that bloomed similar to all the flowers you bought for me every celebration.

I’m sorry I didn’t forgive you earlier.

I’m sorry for not having the right words before in telling you how much I adore you. How strong you are when there was a war within yourself too. How you were the glue for our family despite the separate battlefields you had with dad and myself.

I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that all I wanted was a hug from you Mama.

I’m sorry that I thought I needed drugs to love you.

I love you Mama. I love you. I love you.

“You’re the best mama in the whole wide world”.

#mama

q-u-o-i

Rinka…?

When I fell in love with him

When I first spoke to him, his words and his voice initiated a spark in my soul I could not imagine.

When I heard him sing, I hope to never stop being the one he sang to.

He never stopped fighting for me even if sometimes he fought with me, how could I stop for him?

When he asked me, “How could you love me?”

All I could think in my heart was, “How could I not?”

He sees in himself destruction, chaos, anger.

But all I see is his love, gentleness, and peace.

He told me he was built from hatred and there wasn’t room for me to be there in his heart.

But while he burned himself, I wanted to burn with him because when I fell in love with him, No one said it would be easy. No one said it would be hard. But it will always be worth it. Because when I fell in love with him, for the first time in my life I was alive. From the touch of his lips to mine, when he looks at me and I can’t help myself.

I need him and that part is true. He’s my love that I never thought I could experience in this lifetime.

I have to give him all of me even when I’m afraid of this world too. I have to give him all of me, because when I fell in love with him, it’s as if I found a part of me.

I can’t let him go and I pray to God everyday that I never have to let him go. If I had a choice to do this all over again, I would with him because when I fell in love with him his arms were the home I never knew I wanted too.