I’d rather just be completely alone in solitude with no emotional attachments versus feeling so close to somebody just for them to leave out the blue, because that’s an indescribable pain.
Actually, I can describe it.
It feels like my heart is going to implode with every beat from the pain. There’s literally a new and individual ache with every new thump. Like the last heartbeat didn’t hurt me enough. My stomach feels like it’s going to fall out of my ass, because it feels full and empty at the same time. I feel sick, and all my energy goes into keeping myself going. Things that excite me suddenly have no meaning, and a world that was colorful yesterday suddenly becomes black and white and shades of grey….. I hate waking up in the morning.. I hate having to exist in the world pretending that I’m okay with being there because it doesn’t matter if I’m not.. but the worst part is the memories that used to give you butterflies suddenly feeling like attacks, daggers coming from your own brain reminding you of what you lost and leaving you wishing for that feeling again but knowing it’s not coming back……
So yeah, it’s not better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I’ll take no love over temporary love any day.