petals in the wind

[theunseenocean]

As much as I wanted it to be you, you really showed me how much you didn't want it to be me, and I need to accept it.

[justyuiii]

And I’ll be okay even if it means I have to do it alone.

[justyuiii]

I miss the way you treated me when we started talking.

[dumblr]

I used to tell myself, ‘Maybe they’re going through something.’ But then I realized that I was too, and I never treated anyone that way.

[justyuiii]

I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life I guess my friends were right -Reckless, Madison Beer

[nighttime-thoughts]

Please tell me i'm not as forgettable as your silence is making me feel.

[justyuiii]

No one ever told me that good people are still capable of doing terrible things, or that “I love you” can be said without any truth behind it. So when I made mistakes, I couldn’t see them for what they were, I thought being a good person meant everything I did was good. And I could never bring myself to say “I love you” unless I was absolutely certain I meant it.

Now all I want is the opposite. I want to do the things I know are wrong. I want to say “I love you” even if I’m not sure it’s real. But those are the things I can’t bring myself to do, and it feels like everyone else knows how, except me.

[justyuiii]

I know I’m not over him. He still slips into my thoughts more times than I want to admit, but every time he does, there’s this bitterness that follows. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to work, memory tangled with resentment until the feelings burn themselves out. Maybe one day I’ll think of him and feel nothing at all.

[justyuiii]

I remember when we talked like nothing else mattered, when your words felt like home. Every message made me feel alive, every conversation stretched into the night. Your good mornings used to be the reason I woke up smiling, and your goodnights were the last comfort I held onto before sleep. My heart used to race at the thought of you, and I’d smile like a fool just replaying your words in my head. Now those memories ache. I can’t stop carrying them, even though they don’t belong to us anymore.

[m00wd]

Pain doesn't change people. Pain teaches people not to make the same mistakes.

—M00wd

[justyuiii]

The drought was the very worst When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

[justyuiii]

From now on, I’m taking each step without hurry. I’m going at my own pace and letting whatever’s meant to happen come my way. Sometimes, I wish those heartwarming things would find me already, but I know there’s still time. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but eventually. I can’t force anything, and I definitely can’t predict what’s coming. All I can really do is hope for it, maybe even want it badly enough to believe it’s out there somewhere. I'd like to believe it is. I know it sounds silly, thinking something real could last at this age. Maybe that’s just me. Everyone’s going through their own story, and it’s hard to explain mine when our lives play out so differently. So I’ll wait. And maybe, someday, someone will come along who doesn’t just hear me, but understands me.

[justyuiii]

I meant what I said to you. I wasn’t just playing some kind of game. Everything I said was true, from the first day. Every damn word.

[justyuiii]

I don’t really let people get close to me. Not because I don’t want to, but because I’m scared that once they see all of me, they’ll wish they hadn’t. There’s a lot that comes with being around someone like me. It’s messy. It’s loud and complicated. It’s not calm or easy. I’ve got this way of pushing people away before they have the chance to leave, because it’s easier than having to try and pull them in when they decide to leave when it gets hard.

I know that doesn’t make it right. It’s just what I do. I hide how I feel because I don’t want people to realize I’m not as strong as I make myself out to be. I’d rather be the person to walk away first before they do. 

[divinitatis]

[justyuiii]

Sometimes I wish I could shut it all down, just stop feeling things for anything, for you, for anyone. Because feelings? They ruin you. The second you let it in, everything goes sideways and then you know you're fucked. Suddenly you’re not thinking straight anymore. That’s the risk, isn’t it? Deciding if love is worth the chaos it brings. Because yes, he will hurt you. That’s almost a given. But if you believe and you think that somehow, you'll make it through together, then perhaps it’s worth the risk. I hope it works out for you. I really do. The way I once hoped it would for me.

[justyuiii]

The cruelest thing about sleep after something shattering is how it lets you forget but just long enough to remember again when you wake.