Abeille.

[juxtaposed-human]

One thing I always admired about my dad was how much of a good driver he was. I don't know why but it is one of those things that always made me think "wow, my dad is so cool". I loved being in the car when he was driving - his driving was not too fast but the perfect speed. It felt so chill and felt like you were gliding on the road, even speed bumps were nice. His parking. And the other thing I always always found so cool was how he would drive with one hand, and not his whole hand on the wheel but with the palm of his hand. The way he would steer the wheel with his palm especially when reversing, and then park perfectly - SO COOL.

One thing I'd really like is to acquire that same skill. I want to take on that skill and be reminded of my dad when I drive - one day.

[juxtaposed-human]

It's moment like this with you Lord that I realise I am very blessed the way my life is right now. The things you have shown me, the things I now know of you, the way you have drawn me in. I may sometimes with my life looked different and I had certain things but the way my life is now, I'm glad, because I am coming to know you. I am very blessed. And I am very thankful. I am testing the sweetness of your love for me and this is more precious and valuable than anything. Far more than gold, silver and rubies. Father, thank you.

[juxtaposed-human]

His faithfulness. This nature and character has been alive before I even had breath and it is the reason why I am alive right now. His love that I never knew was faithful to fiercely, passionately, patiently, crazily, gracefully love me while I was still sinner and before I was formed and had breath to present to me the gift of eternal life. To die for me, to do what I could never do before I knew I needed it to be done. His love was faithful without me asking - that is His faithfulness. His faithfulness never ends and it doesn't wait for me, it was evident before I was formed, it was demonstrated while I was still a sinner and remains the exact same to eternity future. He is faithful and does not fail - everything will confirm and prove how FAITHFUL, never changing He is. How can His love be faithful to me before I had breath? How can His love be faithful to love me with an everlasting love before I heard of His name? God's faithfulness is eternity past and eternity future - there is no faithfulness to such beautiful character like this. He is not like man at all that He should ever lie, ever grow weary and tired, my God is faithful! He will never fail me and all He is, He will always be and my life will prove this. He is FAITHFUL.

[juxtaposed-human]

Earlier today, I was watching a vlog and a familiar song that I often avoid listening to came on. I didn't recognise the melody immediately, but somehow squinting my eyes helped me concentrate and as soon as I heard those familiar lyrics my heart sank. "Baby I'm so lonely". This song hurts me because it was very clear the condition of this person's heart - the lonely pain that brings someone to take their life really grieves me. I have an early morning, I'm trying to sleep and for some reason the idea of speaking to those who are suicidal comes to my mind. What would I say? Literally, an audio of a conversation is created in my mind. My eyes are closed and this audio, this monologue is created in my head and the more I hear of what my voice is saying to this person tears are uncontrollably coming out. What would I say? You are highly valuable and you are highly valued, precious and bought at the highest price. For God so loved the world that He GAVE and did not even spare His only son that He may have you. There is a love that can never be matched or contained, a love that is deeper, wider, higher and longer than any other love. The cross is not to be feared, it is His perfect crazy love and this love is your life and hope. This love knows your name and knows everything of you, and died to give you life before you even had breath. It is ready with open arms, it is prepared for you. You are so valuable, so precious, so highly valued - He displaced Himself, saw treasure in you and wanted and continues to want you so much that He gave His son buying you at the highest price that you will be His, that you will have life, that you will be free, that you will have hope, that you will simply breathe and never be alone. He waits for you, He yearns for you. Patiently at the altar, He waits for you.

And this do not just for the suicidal. I yearn for my brother, my family, the suicidal, the lost , the lukewarm and backslidden to know the cross. The greatest measure and demonstration of true love.

I pray my heart will wear the cross like a pendant - a pendant that can never be removed. May my heart wear highly valued I am and may this truth never depart from me. May it wear your love Lord. And I pray to be used mightily that many will know this love. Wear sin, the world and enemy as stolen, killed and destroyed many may I be a vessel used that a multitude and even nations will know the hope, future, life, way, and love of God. I will not shut up but this Gospel I am proud of, this love I am proud of.

[amargedom]

“Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.”

— C.S. Lewis (via goodreadss)

[juxtaposed-human]

Prayer: a gift that keeps me sane. Thank you, Lord.

[juxtaposed-human]

I had an amazing time with God and in my quiet time, I realised that there is a lot of fear in me and it’s made it really difficult for me to pray over my life and do that typical thing of praying over the next year and setting up some goals for myself. I’ve opened myself to so much fear and it’s not a fear that makes me tremble but a fear that numbs me makes me careless, still and idle. And I just had to remember that God has not given me the spirit of fear, so if He hasn’t given it to me then I have allowed it in and done nothing to uproot it. Instead, He has given me a spirit of love, power and a sound mind. Fear completely destroys all of these things - fear makes it hard to let love in and let His love destroy ever fear, it makes you idle and unable to exercise the power you have been given and it completely destroys your thoughts and mind. After reading that verse I made a decision that fear will not reign and I had those types of prayer where your mouth and stomach is hurting after like you just did a workout. Literally, a spiritual workout and I am EXCITED for 2019. The spiritual and physical goals I have are beyond me - the goodness of my God will be seen and HE will be honoured.

[juxtaposed-human]

I had such a good Sunday! Service was a great message and we had our carol service. I was asked to be stageman today which I was not weary about considering I've never done it before but luckily I wasn't on my own and the carol service went very smoothly. And spending time with everyone at church was just fun - I haven't been to church in a few weeks because of shifts so it was nice coming back, seeing everyone and feeling good there.

So after carols, I was on my way to get another mince pie (fave) and these two girls were trying to understand why it's called mince when there is no mince and I jumped into the conversation giving them the reason and they were like OOOH. And then we were talking for like 45 minutes straight about life, my church, kdramas, Korean food!!!! Like, I honestly had the BEST time talking to these girls today - they were so sweet, so interesting like we left feeling so encouraged and honestly feeling like God MADE this happen and it all started with some good ol' mince pies. So next week, Lauren arranged for us to meet and go to Seoul Bakery and eat some Korean food! So excited!!!

Also, this morning! So I planned to just wear a turtleneck and jeans and a pair of trainers today. But then I had another outfit which was a really nice blue striped shirt, jeans and white trainers. But the white trainers are like those plimsoll type of trainers - and my brother, randomly, said it's too cold for that and he was like wear my black trainers. I was like huh? So he goes upstairs, comes back down with a box and he hands to them to me (see pic below) and I was like screaming inside. Like woah who IS THIS?! Is this my brother? Handing me his trainers to wear? 😂 I was so touched by this gesture, it was so random and honestly out of the blue and it makes me think that God is truly answering me and I'm encouraged to know that God has heard me and has not forgotten my voice.

Now I'm on my way home ready to eat because ya girl is hungry.

[juxtaposed-human]

It's annoying that I can honestly feel and almost here the enemy laughing at me and thinking "who are you?" but my tired of the joy that has been ripped from me. he truly intends to steal, kill and destroy me, I am forever hated by him and I will forever hate him and everything of his evil. I will feast before the one who is beneath my feet. My joy will endure and my life will express my gratitude for my salvation. I will honour my God and enjoy the fellowship I now have as a daughter of God. There is a joy and peace here like no other, there is a high like no other, His presence is just LIFE. I don't want to be anywhere else but here.

[juxtaposed-human]

You really need to have those quiet moments of the day where you are remembering your God. Remember not what has come out of His hand for you but remember who He is. Remember who you are now because of who He is. Remember His lovingkindness which endures; His mercy, grace and compassion for you. Just bask in His love.

[juxtaposed-human]

I praise God becuase I know Him at this precious age. By God's grace my life will be long and the fact that I get to live majority of my days here already in my eternal life is so beautiful.

I love that He wanted me so close that me believing is not enough. He lives in me, He encloses me, goes before me and is behind me. Eternal life doesn't begin when He returns but I get to taste His love and my real home even in a limited state. His love is so good.

[juxtaposed-human]

Go into deeper intimacy.

I'm changing my mind.

[fysunmi]

Sunmi for Nylon Korea (September 2018)

[juxtaposed-human]

This is going to be a prayer post. A little reflection on a recent prayer and I intend on looking back on this knowing that the way of the enemy was defeated and what God is intending to do will be completed.

Last night I was praying basically about spiritual maturity, obedience to God and for my love for God to grow. As soon as I started speaking about the idea of believing that my standards of life will be transformed and be higher, I could really feel almost pushing and confronting those words. I felt opposition that wanted me to stop talking. For some reason I really thought those words were making the devil scream "NOOOO!". When I noticed this pressure, I was like mate not today, and I went even deeper in prayer until that pressure was lifted.

Like, how dare he try to interfere in my prayer and almost bring me down and make me feel like that is not achievable. There was just this feeling and pressure in my mind and heart of opposition against those and that's how I know, again, that the devil truly does not want me levelling up. He doesn't want my standard of life to go up because if a child of God knows who they are, and therefore the true Godly standard of their life, there is no room for him to come and play. The devil wants me to be as stagnant as possible and the Lord isn't having it, and guess who has already won?

[stayhungry-stayfree]

A note to myself: Stop inhabiting your body like it’s some shitty temporary rental apartment, with little regard for it’s long-term maintenance. Your body is your home for the entirety of this life. Treat it gently, let the light shine in through the windows, decorate it with care, stay on top of the little things that will make sure it doesn’t break down, let love pervade through every nook and cranny. Your body is your home.

[lovechangeseverythang]

Be ever so careful when you use words like “spiritual.” I see so many people who call themselves Christians buying into all of these ‘spiritual ideologies’ that seek to “bring peace to your mind” and stress the importance of spreading “good energy.” Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. I’m not saying these are necessarily bad or evil things, but if it isn’t biblical, why would we entertain these ideas? Don’t buy into the belief that Jesus would approve of this way of thinking just because it revolves around “good” things. The world’s definition of good is much different than the bible’s definition. Good doesn’t necessarily mean Godly. When we entertain ideologies like this, we leave out God. We forget that Jesus is the only example we need of what it means to love people and live righteously. I say this out of love, and I’m coming from a place where I too used to have this way of thinking before I met Christ. Knowing Christ should change our thought process and flip our world upside down, and it is all for the best, trust.

[juxtaposed-human]

Today, I’ve been reminded that if God can take care of you in the smallest circumstances, He can definitely take care of you in the biggest ones. If He cares in the smallest situation that at the time felt big but in the grand scheme of things wasn’t that deep, then He will take care of your big issues. And you may doubt it and your flesh will say coincidence but His Spirit will tell you the truth that this is the Father’s heart and love for you, this is His grace for you. His grace is so abounding and favourable over you, so rest and be assured that it may not be your timing but our God is always on time. Keep waiting, keep hoping and keep trusting in the Lord.