My mind went into overdrive after the laddoo ka story,
You said about feeling weak,
The option of me feeling weak walked off along with you,
With you I was weak, I was a child,
I let go of all things when I was with you,
Relied on you for thousand and one things,
I think that’s one feeling I never felt again and never will, and I do miss that the most.
Life happened to make me strong, so I can baby others ,
Now people in my life come to me so that I can hold their hand when they cross the road,
For times when I do feel weak, there’s no place to show the weakness,
I feel how difficult it is to have to hand hold others, you did that when you were so young,
But if it makes you feel a point percent better, your hand holding worked wonders,
You gave me a space to be my unfiltered inner child,
But also I am equally sorry as I am grateful for that.
Sorry that a young little boy had to take up so much of responsibilities,
Sorry that I understood everything too late…
That’s why I always say you raised me, I don’t know how much I did for you or what even, I only remember you teaching me life lessons everyday,
I still can’t watch horror movies or triggering scenes of movie, but I can’t hide behind anyone anymore,
I put a brave front and pretend I am ok… fake till you make it ! Haha!
I was a child with you, didn’t use my brain at all for anything, was an open book with uncontrolled emotions and unfiltered actions,
I know it was tough for you, but I wish someone would do that for you too, just let you be you…
Also, I thought with time and phases of life a lot would change, but very few things did, only age has happened with crippling anxiety about life!
The strong brave front crumbles seldom to panic attacks, but the front has to stay and now everything is a bit difficult to read.
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