iridescence.

shifting liquid starlight drawn from the sky into my skin, there is starlight in these arteries, thick like g l u e, a shade of purple mixed from glitter paint and day old bruises.var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5449358"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=&e2=&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write("");

[jvnahs-blog]

jamieisms.

LAUGHING WITH SUCH ferocity and hatred ( mostly out of resentment for their parent’s and brother’s idiotic mistakes now being pointed towards her, having no one else to blame but themselves ), they thought it had to be a joke — and a cruel one at that. “and if you were to be in my position, do you think you’d trust yourself?” her words began to take affect on them as they staggered backwards, still emitting the faintest of laughter. “and that’s supposed to make it better, yeah? to make me think it was all his fault? so what exactly was it about — you needing a drive home?” the questions that could possibly remain unanswered as they pressed their back up against the glass doors of which they came, still looking at her with dilated eyes. “i don’t want you to say anything. i just wanted to get my coffee.” they scoffed, looking over her shoulder to the cash register, eyeing the flavor shots and their usual order being displayed on the monitors hanging above the baristas. “but i seem to have lost my appetite.” the lack of emotion from their voice then would’ve been concerning to others as would themselves, but in that moment JAMIE couldn’t care less. “how about we forget this whole thing ever even happened? then we won’t have to talk to each other at all.” the suggestion seemed condescending, and to a certain extent it was, but everything be damned.

his laugh hit the girl with a MASSIVE impact , it was dripping with such hatred and disgust that it o v e r w h e l m e d her. she couldn’t understand how someone could hate so much, considering the two of them didn’t even really know each other - their only c o n n e c t i o n being his brother. ‘ why wouldn’t you ?  ’ voice layered with confusion, there wasn’t a single part of her that understood jamie - that understood the situation. she got that he was angry, that he was mad for having lost his brother - but how would blaming her for what happened make him feel any better ? ‘ it wasn’t anyone’s fault, the road was icy and we s l i p p e d. neither of us could’ve changed any of it. ’ her words were soft, voice lowered to what was almost a hush. jinah felt so INCREDIBLY GUILTY for not being able to answer his questions - but she doubted that telling him his brother was cheating on his girlfriend with her would make the situation any better, she wasn’t in the position to make him look bad. he wouldn’t have believed her if she told him anyways. ‘ as if you could even call this a c o n v e r s a t i o n.. ’ a bitter huff left her tinted lips, ‘ i get that you’re bitter and angry and that you miss your brother but you can’t take that out on me. at least not forever. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

evnseoul.

eunseo brings the pawn back down to her chest and closes her hand over it, thinking. “ hmm, ” she hums, and then finally, she decides, “ making me pick isn’t fun — i could have anything, if i wished for it, if i asked my parents. instead — ” slowly, her head turns to jinah’s. eunseo leans further in, so close that her every breath would touch the other’s cheek. her voice, barely above a whisper, asks “ what do you want to give? ”

there was a soft look c a r e s s i n g her face as her eyes glanced over eunseo’s features, there was no denying the girl was stunning - the kind of pretty that was overwhelming, the kind of pretty that made jinah soft and filled with want. her fingers reached over to touch the other girl’s arm, drawing figures on her skin. ‘ hmm .. well i guess i’m going to give you something i want then. ’ she muttered, feeling eunseo’s breath tickle her cheek. she smiled a bit before leaning in, placing her lips on the other’s giving her a short kiss before pulling back, nervous as to what their reaction would be.

[jvnahs-blog]

evnseoul:

CLOSED: @jvnahs !!

HER FAMILY IS good friends with some of the moon household; they visit at least once a month, if both their schedules allow. eunseo knows the moon’s house like the back of her hand. she’s been visiting with her parents since she was a kid ( and maybe even as a baby, but she’s too young to remember ). she even calls mr. and mrs. moon uncle and aunt, as if they were her own. but more recently, there has been a new addition to their household — a niece, she’s overheard. a new friend, or at the very least a company that’s around the same age as her. 

“ and checkmate, ” eunseo declares, moving over her pawn to claim jinah’s king. then she rolls over onto her back on jinah’s bed, holding the white pawn against the sunlight. “ i don’t think i’ve lost against you on chess, ” she says, looking up to jinah, “ so, what’ll be my reward this time? ”

it scared her to death, the idea of being all alone in south korea after having lived her entire live in canada - she didn’t have her direct relatives to depend on, her mother and father still r e s i d i n g in her home town. having her aunt and uncle to fall back on was beyond freeing for the petite, they helped her fit in and reach out to people - with them being highly social people jinah had gotten in contact with all sorts of people due to them, one of the most i m p o r t a n t one being eunseo.

‘ yah.. ’ the girl sighed in defeat, her actions being somewhat e x a g g e r a t e d as her eyes were locked on eunseo moving graciously over her bed, eyeing her frame. ‘ that’s because i don’t usually let you win. ’ jinah teased, as she moved over to lie down on her side next to the girl. ‘ you can pick whatever you want, i’ll give it to you. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

sxraii.

Her life was busy; filled with messy dreams and saving cats from trees. There was a simplicity and chaos to it. A constant paradox perhaps. Nevertheless, Sora enjoyed the times when she could just run, run and take her mind off things, forget the hallucinations and the visions, just FORGET. Turning around, eyes instantly soften at the sight of the girl. Taking the wallet from her hands and smiling. “Oh! Jinah, it’s you!” Part of her wants to hug the other, but she holds back. “Thank you so much, also…this is random —-but if you haven’t eaten, why don’t we go out for lunch? I want to see how you are.”

as soon as the other turned around there was a s h y smile forming on jinah’s lips, she always enjoyed sora’s company - it was nice having someone around who cared so p a s s i o n a t e l y and so obviously for her as the girl did, although it could be somewhat overwhelming she was grateful for having someone so similar to her sister in her new life ( especially now that her real sister h a t e d her ). ‘ you’re welcome, babe. but eh .. -- i mean i guess we could go get something to eat, yes. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

jamieisms.

HER NAME was nothing but b i t t e r on their tongue and plaguing their thoughts with uncertainty and distrust, leaving a certain distaste upon mentioning anything related to it. JAEHYUN had been one of the only family members they managed to tolerate throughout the years, having not been shamed nor felt as though they weren’t wanted in his presence. it gave them time to RECIPROCATE and FORGET that their own parents had no interest in keeping them in their lives, always busy with work or too tired to do anything at all. it was rare for them to see each other, let alone talk. JAMIE wondered what it was like to border the line between true happiness ( now that they’ve managed to achieve it without any sort of help from the people who created their very being ) and infatuation, always loving the idea of finally being mommy and daddy’s GOLDEN BOY. and now that they didn’t have one, who was left to pick up the pieces? to continue the path of what he set for himself? it was all pent up anger and frustration, willing their nerves to take it out on someone they likely didn’t even know much about. it made the task much easier. “i can fucking try,” they spat, wrenching the fabric away from her grip as if they’d just been burned at the touch. “no, of C O U R S E you couldn’t have. i’d believe that, truly, if only i trusted a damn thing that came from your mouth. and frankly enough, you’ve given me no reason to like you, either.” their lips pressed together to form a thin line, rage contained within a whim of self-discipline while in public. 

there was UNDOUBTEDLY still a thick scar covering her heart, covering every single part of her that had cared for jaehyun ( all of her, everywhere ), there were days where she could still feel his fingers b r u s h i n g through her hair, where she could feel him trace her spine and draw constellation out of the freckles on her back. everything reminded her of him, things that she couldn’t turn her back, things that wouldn’t go a w a y. perhaps that was the hardest part - having to learn how to live with it. part of her still h o p e d that someone would come along and save her, that they would wake her up out of the HORRENDOUS NIGHTMARE she had been living in for the past two years - she wanted more than anything for it to be false, to be a figment of  the darkest part of her imagination. at moments she felt insanely naive for being in this situation in the first place, she had been too in love with the boy to even notice how badly he was taking advantage of her - and the boy standing in front of her being nothing but a sore reminder of that. jinah was taken aback with how much HATE was covering jamie’s words, considering the boy hadn’t even known her in the first place. ‘ what have i ever said to make you d i s t r u s t me as much as you do ? what in the world makes you think i had any control over the situation whatsoever - he was the one driving, not me. what the fuck is it that you want me to say ? ’

[darlingstarlets]

archive moodboards [3/?] ✩ @rosehathawaies, we fall at the wrong time.

now i laugh about the things that used to be IMPORTANT to me, used to have a hold on me. like what do you think, and what he thinks, and what they think. but I LOVE ME, i don’t care about it anymore. • want one?

[jvnahs-blog]

hycrvn.

SHE HATED HAVING to carry flower arrangements around. it was the only downside of the otherwise exclusive boutique she worked in — the management had deemed them too FANCY for cars. in her arms she held one of the most overdone arrangements she had participated in making, and hydrangea and peonies poked her face whenever she took a step forward. hyerin wouldn’t even have noticed her missing wallet if a female voice hadn’t called out for her. ❛ ah ! thank you, god i would’ve been lost without that ! this is a really weird request, but could you maybe .. put it in my pocket ? ❜ she asked the other carefully, hinting towards her occupied hands.

WEIRDER THINGS have happened in gangnam but the girl still found herself slightly s u r p r i s e d as she was faced by meeting someone who seemed to be more flower than person, she was barely able to see a face through all the flowers but the familiar voice had her nod her head, of course it had to be hyerin. ‘ oh .. yes of course ! ’ the girl replied, doing e x a c t l y as she was told. ‘ d’you need a hand with those flowers, they look like they weigh a ton. ’ though she was known for being helpful, she had to admit that nine out of ten times it hadn’t been worth her time, this time however she f i g u r e d it’d be nice to spend some time with her friend, helping her out only being an added bonus.

[jvnahs-blog]

ofcnara.

Rushing would be the best way to describe just how her day was going. Nara’s days were always busy, but some days like this day she was more busy than usual. Meetings, lunch plans, video collaborations and on top of that a sick toddler since the daycare didn’t want her there because of it. So a busy day was made busier. Her brain was thinking of a million things at once, she barely even heard the person calling after her. She had been unsure if her ears had made it up  until the footsteps from the other were beside her, “Dropped- what? Oh my gosh. my wallet.” Nara’s eyes wide in surprise and thanks, “You’re my savior today. Thank you.”

despite having lived in seoul for almost a year now it was still HARD for jinah to adjust to her new life style here. she’s always had plenty of followers on social media but it wasn’t until she came to gangnam that that follower count sky rocketed, she was now able to live off of instagram and the promotions she did - it was insane. she had met a bunch of kind people due to it, nara being one of them and the two had hit it off quite i n s t a n t ly. ‘ personally i like to think i’m your savior every day. ’ the girl laughed softly, as she handed nara back her wallet. ‘ but you’re very welcome. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

jcejoon.

JAEJOON DIDN’T WALK OFTEN, in fact, he yearned for the moments he got to leave the house so he could show off his expensive, crisp & clean silver tinted porsche. it gave him a sense of PRIDE, and that feeling overshadowed any of his weaknesses and flaws. money really could buy happiness. speaking of money, jaejoon didn’t typically carry a lot on him, but today was different. it was a nice day out and he was only two blocks away from owning a new button up. he was slightly rushing when a voice from behind him caught his attention. he turned around and came face to face with a girl holding a wallet mentioning the word dropped, which caused jaejoon to check his back pocket. “oh, thanks!” he held his hand out, “i’m slightly surprised you didn’t rob me.”

there was a LARGE SMILE on her lips as she handed the wallet back to the original owner, it always felt r e w a r d i n g to do a good deed - regardless of the outcome. sometimes she hated how greedy people were in the big city, how callous and selfish they could be - so completely STUCK in their own bubble that they forgot how good it felt to be kind to other people. ‘ please, to even imply that i would rob you is insulting. ’ the girl replied, a teasing tone dripping off of her voice, ‘ but you’re welcome, big shot. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

jevki.

jeaki hadn’t WANTED to leave the house, in fact, he would have much preferred to be in bed at this moment ( with a pile of blankets concealing his being, as if HIDING his existence ), as exhaustion was weighing atop his being. though, as he bounced down the streets, he concealed EVERY bit of negativity that was  s w i r l i n g  within his being and, instead, presented himself in a way that resembled the sun ( bright and  B E A M I N G ). his intention was to pick up some food for the cupboards, which were becoming increasingly sparse by the day ( and he felt a NEED to pull his weight as a  r o o m m a t e ), but he’d ended up strolling for LONGER than expected. jeaki was currently pattering along a street he’d only been on ONCE or twice, mind distracting him from the bodies that were surrounding him, his own body aiming for anywhere ( he had NO plan, anymore ) —— that was until a voice SNAPPED him back to reality, turning himself around in the  s e a  of people,  ❛ jinah? ❜ he shifted his frame to the inside of the street, where fewer bodies strayed ( so he could speak, without being knocked by strangers ), ❛ thank you, i’m not with it today. ❜ he finally managed out, a light laugh falling from his lips, ❛ are you okay? ❜

at the RECOGNITION of her cousin jinah could feel a large smile growing on her face. growing up she hadn’t been extremely close with her relatives - after all it was kind of hard to be close with someone who was half across the world from you, she had spent the o c c a s i o n a l christmas in south korea, and a phone call with relatives here and there but forming an actual attachment had been quite hard. however when she had moved in with her aunt in gangnam all the relatives she had never been close to were at a minimal distance - jaeki being one of the few ones she had actually gotten close to, not KNOWING anyone he had been willing to show her around and get her out of the stuffy house she was staying in. ‘ well that’s okay, you should just be happy i found your wallet and not anyone else. ’ there was a t e a s i n g tone in her voice, but the smile it accompanied quickly dropped at his next question - as quickly as she picked it back up she was positive it had been noticeable. ‘ i’m great, couldn’t be better. i was just on my way to get some coffee, wanna join ? ’  

[jvnahs-blog]

bomibae.

sure it probably would’ve been a better idea to get a cab, but bomi reasoned with herself that since it was right down the street that balancing her items wouldn’t be a big deal. that was before she realized how far the new location of their salon truly was, and how she realized how much personal stuff she had crowded up on her work space. looking around her belongings, she smiled as she noticed she was now only a matter of feet from the place, quickening her footsteps in excitement to get inside. of course with all she was already carrying, bomi didn’t realize what fell from her purse in the process. so when she heard the soft voice mention of a dropped item, she almost was certain it was her, but when she saw what was actually dropped her eyes grew wide. “oh my god, thank you so much! here, follow me for just a second, will you?” using her foot to push in the door, they headed inside the salon, many areas still bare sense it wasn’t opened just yet. setting all her stuff down neatly on what would be her own space, she graciously took the wallet back and pulled out some cash for the girl. “here, take this okay? my life is in this thing and i don’t know how many others would be nice enough to do what you just did.”

there was a WIDE-EYED look as the complete stranger told her to follow her causing alarm bells to ring, however she had noticed all the woman had been c a r r y i n g and decided, perhaps foolishly, that the other meant no harm. ‘ uh .. yea sure, i think that should be fine. ’ the petite replied softly, a s s i s t i n g the other with opening the door of what seemed to be some kind of beauty parlor. as she noticed what the stranger was doing she could feel a FIERCE BLUSH heating up her cheeks, and she shook her head profusely ‘ no i truly cannot accept that. ’ jinah had never felt comfortable with accepting rewards - it made her feel dirty, as if she had only done the good deed with the i n t e n t i o n of getting something out of it. ‘ it was honestly no big deal, all i did was pick up a wallet and hand it to it’s original owner. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

96areums.

DESPITE HAVING LIVED in seoul for a good four, nearly five, years now, areum still couldn’t help the seemingly never ending curiousity that never failed to fill her ever wondering mind at the mere thought of exploring the city that was still somewhat foreign to her. running a hand through her short hair, the venetian born girl would then turn at the sound of someone calling out to her, or at least, she was assuming they were calling out to her. boy would it be embarrassing if they weren’t. upon realizing that the admittedly beautiful stranger was holding areum’s wallet tightly in their hold, the blonde would release a loud laugh, hand coming up to tweak her nose as she smiled at the other. “wow,” she said softly. “not to sound dramatic but you totally just saved my ass.”

there was a shy smile on the girl’s lips at the other’s reaction, partially u n c o m f o r t a b l e with their odd reaction and partially SURPRISED by it. seoul had been full of ordinary people, and though gangnam was definitely an e x c e p t i o n of that - not even here had she expected to cross paths with someone who seemed to live in a bubble quite like the girl across from her. ‘ it truly was no problem, it was the decent thing to do. ’ she told the stranger, a somewhat s i n c e r e smile reaching her lips, ‘ i’m glad i could aid you and .. save your ass. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

“everything will fall into place.” & “i can’t be around you.” & “then you tell me why.” ur welcome

“everything will fall into place.”

it was so TYPICAL of her to find herself in this s i t u a t i o n again, part of her pining after someone she knew she could never have and another part of her eating herself up over the fact that she could even see someone in a romantic way after what had happened with jaehyun. she could feel herself slipping away again, and she knew that under no c i r c u m s t a n c e s she could allow herself to get back in that head space. she had to keep whatever she thought she was feeling for the boy hidden away in her CAGED HEART, hoping that the d a r k n e s s of their enclose would cause the flames for jinhwan to burn out. she hated how cryptic the boy could get, although she was a somewhat fluent speaker she still found herself struggling with the language barrier - this time however his words were p e r f e c t l y clear, but they made no sense to her whatsoever. it was a constant haze of confusion and miscommunication between the two of them, and he was only adding onto that - she had enough question marks besides her feelings as it was. allowing herself to rest her head on his shoulder she pursed her lips, her eyes resting on the sunset ahead of them and her feet d a n g l i n g off of the roof of the building. ‘ i suppose it will, yeah. ’ she tried to ignore the FAINT SPARK OF HOPE at the idea of his words meaning their relationship - that maybe he too felt what she felt, and that maybe one day the time would be right.

“i can’t be around you.”

it had been TENSE between the two of them for a while now, there had been no other way to explain their s i t u a t i o n. it was as if they had been building up to this moment for the past year and now that it had come neither of them knew what to do with each other. where they would normally be kind and understanding towards each other they now were bickering and glaring - it was slowly causing the girl to fall apart, however she wasn’t going to let him now - he couldn’t know that it was breaking her to bottle up everything she was feeling. the girl was so SCARED that there was going to be one day where she wouldn’t been able to handle it anymore, that there would be a day where the liquid holding her every single drop would start leaking, starting a river she couldn’t stop from flowing. she had been there o n c e, and she knew how that had ended, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she had to do whatever she had in her to p r e v e n t that from happening again - not sure whether it was out of SELF PROTECTION or care for the other, either way she couldn’t allow either of them to be hurt like that again. the look on her face fell at his words, as hard as she tried she was unable to keep a straight face, or have a lock on her e m o t i o n s. why did she always have to get so involved ? why did she always fall for people she couldn’t be with ? ‘ what the fuck ? ’ the PROFANITY leaving her lips was so beyond unlike her, but there was no way to keep it in. ‘ what is that supposed to mean ? ’ her brows were frowned and she couldn’t bare to look at him as t e a r s were starting to form in her eyes. ‘ nevermind. if you want to go then just go. nothing is keeping you here. ’

“then you tell me why.”

it had been two years - precisely on the dot, two years since she had last seen him living and breathing, since she had last felt okay. the world had seemed to STOP when she realized what day it was, the sky had turned pitch black and all she could see and hear was him, him, and him. there wasn’t a n y t h i n g she could do to make this go away, her coffee and flowers mentality soon LEAVING her as it was getting harder and harder for her to control her breathing. it wasn’t unusual for her to get panic attacks, but this was on a new level - it was choking up and heart palpations, it was tears streaming down her face and colliding to the floor with trembling hands. it surprised her when she had been able to even get up and open the door, shocked at the fact that jinhwan had been standing there, completely unannounced. his reaction was anything she had thought it would be, having been in a s i m i l a r situation previously but it was in no way helping her calm down - her regular breathing had returned to her but there was no stopping the tears from f l o w i n g. he had been speculating as they were sitting on the floor, huddled up together, she just kept shaking her head in RESPONSE - that was when he asked the one question he had hoped he wouldn’t, one she didn’t want to answer, one secret she couldn’t bare for him to know. however, she wasn’t able to keep it from her, not wanting to lie to jinhwan. ‘ two years ago, i k i l l e d my boyfriend - well .. my sister’s boyfriend, i dont know -- i don’t know what he was to me. ’ jinah took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. ‘ we were on our way home from a date and we c r a s h e d off a bridge.. he didn’t make it. ’ she could feel herself fall back into the anxiety, back into the panic she had been in earlier. ‘ it was my fault, i asked him to go with me because my sister wasn’t going to be home - i killed him. i’m so sorry, i know you must hate me now, i’m so sorry. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

“anything, just call me, okay?” - inwoo // “here’s a glass of whatever.” - sohyun

“anything, just call me, okay?”

the girl had been l o o k i n g up to this meeting all week, every bone in her body DREADING this moment - but it turned out to not be that bad. surprisingly the ceo she was meeting hadn’t been an old, grey and intimidating, he had been very kind and gentle with her - slowly easing her into the world of being a paid instagram star. ‘ thank you so much, honestly. i was really n e r v o u s, but this meeting helped a lot. i can’t wait to work with you. ’

“here’s a glass of whatever.”

a slight FROWN was present on her face as sohyun handed her the solo cup - it smelled strong, and would probably taste even nastier than the girl expected it to but it was all apart of their f r i e n d s h i p. sohyun made her reach out of the comfort zone she had been so stuck in, and jinah was tired of it - hence why she had looked sohyun up tonight. ‘ well.. bottoms up, i guess. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

"sometimes, i wished you died." :''))

“sometimes, i wished you died.”

there had been a void inside her ever since she had woken up in the hospital - she had felt nothing but guilt and a killing numbness as she had heard the news and there hadn’t been a single thought inside her head other than ‘that should’ve been me’. he hadn’t d e s e r v e d to die, she supposed she hadn’t either but if she had to pick between her and him there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he should’ve been the one who got to live. she DESPISED that she was the one who had to live with the guilt, that she was the one who was being b l a m e d - it hadn’t been either of their fault, but then why was she still feeling like she had to point the finger to herself ? perhaps if she hadn’t been so clouded by the idea of him loving her none of this would’ve happened, perhaps she would’ve gone to her sister after they had first slept together, or she wouldn’t have a l l o w e d it to happen again - anything to make his pain go away. the words that jamie spat out broke here, she could feel her glass heart shattering in a million pieces. she understood, had she been in his position she probably would’ve felt the same - but the truth was that she didn’t d e s e r v e this. a tear rolled down her PORCELAIN cheek, and it was almost as if she could feel a c r a c k appear right where it had landed, leaving a trail of rips behind before it dropped on the floor. there was a lump in her throat that she just didn’t seem to be able to swallow down. it was almost like the words physically hit her and she felt herself being pushed back, taking a step back - d i s t a n c i n g herself with jamie. ‘ yeah. so do i. ’

[jvnahs-blog]

she didn’t mind the BUSY STREETS of seoul, in fact she quite enjoyed them - how they fit so s e a m l e s s l y. she had always admired how people lived like this, how they could walk right past each other and still only think about themselves and their own lives, how they could be so focused on what they deemed as important that they moved too fast to even realize what was going on around them. perhaps she had been too much of a small town girl to do so.in the corner of her eyes she noticed someone dropping their wallet, picking it up she raced to the other, only seeing their backs as they moved swiftly between the crowd. ‘ excuse me ! i think you dropped this ! ’

[jvnahs-blog]

“really? do i look stupid?”

“really? do i look stupid?”

a small giggle had ERUPTED from the girl’s lips at the sight of the male - her mother had always taught her that it wasn’t kind to laugh at people, and she had always agreed with her but in this s i t u a t i o n she couldn’t help the innocent laughter from leaving her mouth. ‘ not stupid, just a little silly gikwang-ah. ’ she told him, a smile on her face, ‘ you have s o m e t h i n g stuck between your teeth though, and your lips are covered in sauce. maybe next time eating chicken isn’t the best idea. ’