meh who am I kidding, I like to be unhappy. I like to wear a frown and good walking shoes, that's the best defence: frown and walk quickly so people don't talk to me. and at the end of the day I'm the most judgmental and closed-minded person I know. in addition to being calculative and boring and a terribly slow eater which a lot of people find inconvenient. and I'm difficult to work with and don't respond well to criticism.
recently I mentioned a concert, and the response was uninterested, no further questions or details, no Was it a good concert? why randomly send messages then? why should I put up with this or care about certain situations? I don't have to put up with a lack of interest - that's why I broke up then.
my fear is the father will live till a ripe old age and my mother would have to put up with it forever and ever. what if he outlives her? I cannot wait for the day my mother can be free of this. sure, we can walk out...if we have the cash. who doesn't need money. what if he falls seriously ill, will my mother have to attend to his every need, even more than now? I wish he would go away. once I dreamt he was drowning in a vat of blood. I was not horrified.
all I want is silence - to work in silence, without boss screaming for someone or other, without keeping on my toes in case he shouts for me, without putting up with others' lengthy conversations or annoyed tones or high volumes. I want my rest days to be silent, like the old times, without having to put up with horrible singing from the afternoon retirees' shows or loud kungfu noises. all I want is silence, save the whir of fans.