Doug Jones
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@theartofmadeline
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@kacy-kicked-obesity
Forget what these people on her are saying. We all got our own battles, they're hiding behind anonymous and can say anything they wish (I just don't want to make an account) your story is amazing! Keep up the progress sis! -Ben
Thank you so much for the support! That really means a lot to me!
I'm a newish follower and just wanted to sincerely say that you are amazing. You don't let yourself give up and embrace both your wins and your losses. Not everyone shares the very real struggles with this journey. As someone who's also struggled with their weight for a majority of their life thank you for sharing and being you.
Awe! Thank you so much!
In case y’all are wondering.
Almost 5 years post op...
Still haven’t fail
I’ve never changed my profile photo...
.... or my page photo either with my starting weight.
I don’t know why. I’ve thought about it. I’ve actually selected new photos but I can’t do it.
It’s been over 3 years since I’ve made this profile...
I think it’s cuz I don’t wanna put “her” away yet. Taking “her” down would mean closure and even this far out, I’m not ready for that yet.
(To be blunt and honest)
She’s the toxic ex that I can’t let go of.
She’s the ex that fell apart at every THOUGHT of trauma.
She’s the ex that would run to gas stations, load up on junk food, and sit in her car and eat for hours to relieve stress.
She’s the ex that believed every negative remark people would make.
She’s the ex that everyone assumed “didn’t care about herself”. I mean obviously, if she wanted it bad enough she woulda worked out and ate right. Sadly, the assumptions got to her.
She stopped caring about herself.
She’s the ex that’s full of bad habits.
She’s the ex no one wants to rebound with.
She’s the ex you can’t keep making excuses for.
So why can’t I let go? Move on?
Because she’s the ex that never gives up.
She sets goals and achieves them.
She’s the ex that wants to do better tomorrow than she did today.
She’s the ex that stands at every sideline at every event when I need support... like when I’m trying on clothes.
She’s the ex that reminds me to be humble.
She’s the ex that put me where I am now.
There wouldn’t be me without her.
Yes she was toxic through and through, but she’s also my biggest cheerleader. No one understands this journey, MY journey, like she does.
And quite frankly I’m proud of her. She did this for both of us. I hope I make her proud.
So for now, she stays.
Well. I’ve SURPASSED my final goal weight of 145! But now that I’ve seen myself below 145, I’m curious to know if it is possible for me to hit my initial goal of 135. I’m not going to “push for it” but it would be kinda cool to get where I wanted to be on day 1. I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 years. Took me 6 months to loose 100lbs and years to lose the rest. But that’s just how the process goes. Never give up. No matter what you’re dealing with weather it’s a bad day, if your fighting off regain, learning how to maintain this new body, skipped a day at the gym, or even if you just know you could be doing better...don’t give up. No one is perfect. Surround yourself with your own success and let it motivate you on the days you feel like you are failing. If you like your outfit, take a few selfies. If your legs are feeling strong have someone snap a few full body photos for you. Try on things you would never attempt. Play a sport you’ve never tried. Put on that two piece! Scales don’t care about our victories, we do. The number means NOTHING if you don’t do something with it! The point of losing weight, was to gain a life. It’s so much more than the food. It’s more than the scale. This is our second chance. Don’t let life slip past you.
Still can’t believe I live here.
So since I’ve been gone for so long *cough cough years* I figured I would catch you guys up on everything. 1. I still live in Montana. And love it. 2. I’m still vegan (almost 2 years now). 3. I will be three years post op on September 30th 2018! Crazy right. How day one you feel like the process is going to be FOREVER and before you know it you’re almost 3 years out. And boy has it been a LONG three years. I’ve battled regain. Eating disorders/recovery. Body dysmorphia. On top of other health concerns that don’t pertain to my bypass. So basically I had to step away from social and focus on me for awhile. I’ve been in the process of building two careers. 1. As a pharmacy technician 2. I’m now a real estate agent in Montana. And I love them both! So I know you all are waiting to hear “the good stuff” so here it is. My initial start weight was 257 pounds. I know I’ve been bigger but that’s what my program measured me at on day one. By surgery day, I was 235 even. 6 months post op I was down to 157.5 Here’s where things got messy. I moved out. Started struggling with eating disorders because I basically had been thrown out of my routine and had become a “normal college kid” which included eating out and drinking with friends. I regained. And I was SO embarrassed I didn’t tell anyone. I got back up to 175 and was devastated. Funny thing is tho, I am bulimic along with binge eating that I never had that in the past. And I gained more weight making myself sick than I did without. So anyway. I started going to therapy. Worked through a lot of things. Started getting back into a routine and sure enough, the regain started falling off. My eating is controlled again. I mentally battle my eating disorders but I can’t remember the last time I purged, at least a year. I think the eating disorder stemmed from body dysmorphia and I had no way to cope with it. So I turned to obsessing with making my body perfect. But everyday gets easier. Some days are better than others. I still consider myself a success. Weight loss is never a straightforward and easy process. It’s complex and emotional. But I’m coming out on top and I’m NEVER giving up on myself. So today. Almost 3 years post op. I weighed in at 147lbs.
Remember all the times you used to laugh at me. Remember when you thought taking food away from me was “doing me a favor”. Remember all the times you would make cow noises when I walked by your table at lunch or in the halls. Remember how you never hesitated trying to make me hate myself. Remember when I was the joke of the JROTC class because I couldn’t run a mile. Remember when I would starve myself because you made me feel like I didn’t deserve to eat. Remember when the cute boy you’ve been talking to says “I like you a lot but I can’t do it because you’re to big for my taste, but you have the perfect personality”. Remember when you said,”oh my gosh! You’re not done eating yet?!”. Remember all the times you said I would just fail and gain all my weight back. Remember when I made the decision to take my life back that that decision wasn’t good enough. Remember all the nights I would sit up crying because when I got ready for bed I glanced in the mirror and hated everything about me, which is kind of ironic, considering every part I hated was what you taught me to hate. Remember how many times I went to the gym on a regular basis and you still called me lazy. Remember when you would look at me and immediately jump to the conclusion that I didn’t care about myself. Remember when I finally did stop. Caring. About. Myself.... All of the memories and thoughts never will go away. You can’t take back the things you’ve all said and done. Even now I still hear them playing back in my head. Every time I open the fridge. Every time I go out to eat. Every time I go shopping. I look for the stares of strangers who are obviously thinking “I can’t believe she’s eating THAT, someone should stop her” or retail workers who glare thinking “there’s no way she’s going to fit in that so why is she trying”. It’s always there. When you’ve felt the pain of unworthiness, self hatred, and the verbal/mental slaughter people have put you through for most of your life, it never goes away..This post isn’t about “yay me look at all the weight I’ve lost”. It’s to prove a very specific point. Words and actions can ruin people. You all may not remember, but I do.
I’m back ☺️
And there is sooooo much to share get ready for my post tomorrow or tonight to tell you about where I’m at.
Crazy to think that this year I’ll be THREE YEARS POST OP!
And my life is CRAZY! So get ready tumblr. You’re about to have your mind blown!
Oh man
I have so much to catch up on.
Still learning not to punish myself.
My "Not good enough self"
Feelings in words
I’m back you guys! Anyone miss me!? Sorry for the MIA I’ve had A LOT going on the past few months! But don’t worry, I’m doing better and I’m back with a vengeance!
@loseitkacy 😂
@adipose-abductee you know me WAY to well 😂😂😂😂 this is pretty much my life all the time. Sex 24/7! Hahaha. I'm so bad these days!
So yesterday I had my 6 hour mixed meal test for my hypoglycemia.... and I thought I was going to die honestly. Here's how the test works: Step 1: I fast overnight and bring a meal of my choice that contains carbs, fat, and protein to the hospital 2: they start an IV, do baseline blood test, and check blood sugar. 3. Eat meal I brought in 4. Check blood sugar every 15-30 minutes for a few hours 5. As soon as my blood sugar drops to hypoglycemic levels (usually 2 hours after I eat) they run more blood work to look at what my insulin levels and pancreas are doing when my blood sugar drops 6. Give me dextrose to pull me out of the hypoglycemia Here's what really happened.... they didn't just let me drop. They let me crash. HARD. normally I'm symptomatic at 75... true hypoglycemia starts at 60. When I hit 60, im not there mentally. Im confused. I can't see. If I'm standing or even sitting I will pass out. When I'm at home and I know my blood sugar is low I either pass out or I eat something to bring it up as soon as possible... during the test they had me laying down and they were making me try to stay conscious.... they wanted me to drop... they let me go down to 42!... I couldn't remember where I was or what I was doing. I tried pulling out my IV at one point. I had like 6 people in my room and all I remember thinking was "why are none of you helping me" (I was safe and my doctors had everything under control, I just don't have the cognitive ability to remember that when I'm that low).... I was pretty much having a panic attack in my head, going in and out of consciousness, and I really just wanted to pass out....so hopefully they can figure out what's wrong with me after all of this. I'm mentally done with dealing with this.
Hey stumbled onto your blog. I actually had a brain aneurysm burst on me when I was 22, had to have brain surgery to fix it so I know what you're going through! I was like 20 mins from dying
Oh my gosh that is so scary! I'm glad your ok!... but it definitely is terrifying. They actually sent me home and since I've been home I've passed out a few times and hit my head bad once. Ended up back in the ICU. Thankfully the bleed wasn't worse. But I still have to see a neurosurgeon to see if he thinks I should have the blood drained.... it's been such a long week for me. The reason I even hit my head to begin with is because my blood sugar gets scary low. Yesterday they did a test on me in the hospital where they basically did a "how low can you go" type test and I honestly thought I was going to die. My blood sugar got down past the level that most people are in comas at. (That was the point of the test but it was way scarier than I thought it would be). Normally when it gets low like that I just pass out or I eat and bring my blood sugar back up. They wanted me to keep dropping so they could do blood work to see what my pancreas was doing while I crashed.... I get really confused and disorientated when my blood sugar is low. I didn't know where I was. I panicked. It was just horrible. I remember looking at all these people around me and wanting to say "why aren't you helping me" but couldn't....I already got some of the blood work back and they are actually concerned I might have pancreatic cancer. So I'll have that test this week... seriously appreciate all the support I can get cuz right now I need it. This is so stressful.
