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Hand-picked

September.

I always feel a bunch of different emotions during this time of the year. For me, September is my "New Years Day". It’s the time of the year where I write down resolutions. It's when I say goodbye to the hot summer nights, carefree days and anticipate entering into a new year for both school and work. September, also the month of every year, I get to turn another year older and reflect on the year that has passed. Lastly, it's also the month I anxiously but expectantly hope to enter into a new season!

In the anticipation of this new season, I worried about what "newness" would bring. Often times, we associate "newness" with a fresh start, a clean slate. With "newness" also comes "new" challenges, new mountains and new unknown roads. This, to me, is always a rather daunting thought. But as I was talking to one of my dear friends, she said something that resonated with me. As she was telling me stories from her most recent mission trip, she mentioned while on this mission, God truly hand-picked each and every single person that came along with her.

I loved that.

In that moment, all the worries and anxious thoughts I had of entering a new season turned into a feeling of peace.

Hand-picked by God. If God hand-picks the people who run with us and do life with us… I have this hunch He's hand-picked a lot more details in our lives.

Isaiah 43: 8 -15 says, You are my hand-picked servant.

I have a strong feeling that we come from a place and we are created by a Creator and Father who has lovingly, carefully, tenderly, patiently hand-picked each of our moments, our days, our seasons, our gifts, our talents, our calling, and the people we encounter. Even the moments, we do not feel are necessarily "hand-picked" by God. Despite the feeling of being out of control and feeling like our future seems rather unclear and unknown...the God of every ripple in the ocean, the one who carefully fluffs each cloud, the God who lovingly picked each color of every flower, every shade of blue, orange, purple in every sunrise. That same God lovingly picks each moment in our lives, although some may be painful, lonely, hard, heart wrenching… the God of the hidden and hard moments constantly invites us to run into His unwavering love, His faithfulness, and even richer moments with Him…all hand-picked by Him.

What would life be like if we fully embraced this knowledge that we in this life, are hand-picked by God? What would life be like if we realized each moment is a hand-picked, hand-written invitation to find ourselves in the best adventure of our lives? As for me, I am slowly letting that revelation into my own life and into my own moments when I don’t necessarily feel adequate, let alone hand-picked by the God who created everything beautiful. But I do hope that’s what life is all about, uncovering daily and being transformed by this love. That we are carefully hand-picked by Him, but more importantly…we are His.

I don’t know about you, but I want to run into new seasons with knowing just that. We are hand-picked and specifically placed in our lane, for our call, through our gifts for Him.

With love,

Picture Credits: Mikey Tabuzo

Embracing Leadership

Often times, you can easily spot natural born leaders. Even as a child, you will see early characteristics of a natural BORN leader - they gladly take responsibility, they are the ones you take charge in group settings, they have great decision-making skills, they are wise and seem to always know what to do.

I love getting to meet and come across great leaders! Leaders who fully embody true leadership: strength, vision, direction, while leading with grace and kindness. They make you want to be on their team, they make you feel included and they make you feel like you are important. I love and am humbled when I get to take part of the vision of some of these extraordinary human beings.

As for me? I am NOT a natural born leader. Taking charge in group setting aren’t really my “thing”. Responsibilities? Making sound decisions? Delegating? Not really my thing.

I am a follower. You know, the ones who happily follow and support great leaders. I am a team player and am an exceptional moral-support-kinda-girl. I love being the…"hype girl" aka the encourager. That's just who I am, a natural born follower. I owned being a follower and wouldn’t mind stepping up here or there. But a full blown leader? ehh... I was pretty comfortable with who I thought I was meant to be.

The funny thing about being comfortable is that once we've reached “comfortable” we’re really never meant to stay there. Once we've hit the stage of being comfortable in our lives…we've essentially stopped growing. As followers of God, we are destined and created for MORE. We will never fully reach a "destination" until heaven. Until then? God calls us to move. Why? Because God is always constantly on the move. We got to MOVE, even if it means being uncomfortable.

Ironically, as soon as I reached my happily comfortable stage, God immediately threw me into one of the most daunting seasons of my life. The season of learning how to be a leader.

It's been quite a daunting journey for a happy follower like me. It’s wrecked me to the core. I wish I could write about how successful it's been but it wouldn't be true. It wouldn't be authentic. It wouldn't be my journey. But I do want to share with you what its been like on this journey and a few things I've learned. A few things God has lovingly whispered to me even as I've stumbled along the way.

Here are the things I've learned to embrace and embody on the journey.

Embrace Grace:

I've learned to embrace grace and by that I mean I've learned to run into the arms of forgiveness, second chances and undeserved favor. As leaders and as humans, we will make uncountable mistakes. We will see many good and seemingly successful days. However, if you’re like me there will also be many days that almost feel disastrous. This year, I’ve felt that too many times to count. Moments when I've felt like I could not lead, I've lacked the wisdom to make sound decisions, my inexperienced self didn't embody and embrace the posture of leadership.

I used to blame myself for my inadequacies and why I was not a better leader.

Now, I'm learning to forgive myself more and more. I'm allowing myself to be more human. I'm allowing myself to run full force into the arms of grace. We will make mistakes, we are humans aren't we?

True leadership is having the honesty to run into grace and embrace forgiveness. So let's remember to do more of that.

Embrace People:

The thing I love about leadership is the beauty that it is not a one man show. Each person, each task, each body is equal, if not more important than the one leading it. Leadership is only truly leadership when we embrace the collective. As leaders, we get to embrace the people placed in our team and lives. We have this precious opportunity to speak into the lives of our team, we get this special opportunity to encourage, see the gifts of our teammates that otherwise might not have been seen. We get to be leaders who embrace and leaders who are embraced. We get to embrace people in our team, weak, strong, loveable, unlovable, difficult, good or bad…they've been strategically placed in our lives because God wants to teach us something. Even if the lesson is to simply love more.

Lastly,

Embrace Jesus:

Embracing Jesus has been the source of my strength during this journey. Embracing Jesus has lead me to embrace the Good Shepherd. I love Jesus and all of His beautiful names. But during this season…one that has become my favorite names of Jesus is…"The Good Shepherd" The Good Shepherd embodies this beautifully different pictures of what leadership looks like - one who will not lead us astray, who will lead us into still waters and the one who restores us. I've learned to run to Him, when I simply don't know how to lead and where to go.

Lastly, like a captain on a ship who is led by the sure direction of a compass, embracing Jesus has taught me that true leaders are led. I look at the life of Jesus and the way he lead people into their destiny simply by His life. He led from a position… that most leaders in this generation don't take up. He led well because HE himself was led. Led by love, grace, meaning and the Father's love.

“ I am the good shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” - John 10:11

love,

Photo credit:

Johann De Borja

BRAVE GIRLS

There’s something about lights that gets to me. There’s something about candles, lights stringed together, stars on a beautiful clear night, the moon that sparks this feeling of warmth, refuge, hope, faithfulness and joy. I know I’m not the only one that is a sucker for a nice cozy room with twinkly fairy lights. Lastly, there’s something about light that whispers, “Brave.”

Light. I love that Christmas has always celebrated this light! Light in darkness and that we were once living in darkness - in our own sins, our own weaknesses, our pains, our struggles, our financial debt, our heartbreaks, our heavy loads that we don’t speak of. But on Christmas day, we celebrate something new, a light that has dawned in the darkness. Not just a light, but THE light, the light ignites hope, life, a second chance in our lives. This light also comes in many different names, Wonderful Counselor, someone who knows our pain and carries our load. Strong God, the one who gives us strength when ours fail. Everlasting Father, a good good father who was and will always be faithful to the end. Prince of peace, our stillness in the storm, in our doubt.

In Isaiah 9:2, 5 - 7 (NIV) it says, “the people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned……. He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

I love how the Message also put its… “ The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. For those who lived in a land of deep shadows— light! sunbursts of light!You repopulated the nation, you expanded its joy! …… Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness.”

Yes, Christmas. But what about New Years? What about this New Year. What do we do with this light? Do we have it? Yes! In Matthew 5:14 its says, “You are the light of the world! A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”

One of the things I love about light is that it can be multiplied. How one candle has the ability to light thousands of other candles. How forest fires start from just a single spark. Light spreads! Light stretches! Light is this all illuminating, all encompassing symbol of hope that we have because of the one who was gifted to us on Christmas day.

Jesus gave us this sense of hope, light, strength, joy, peace in His light so that as His lightbearers we can carry out His gift to the rest of the world. Regardless of what happened during 2016, regardless if we have lost hope, if we lost someone, if we knew heart break... God gives us this beautiful mission to be contagious..with His light. I love the light of Jesus, because we can never be too broken, too weak, too sinful, too far from Him to spread what He has given us. And while we spread this light, I think God’s light also heals us.

For me, I want to go into 2017 with this illuminating, all encompassing sense of hope, joy, strength, grace with me regardless of how I ended 2016. I want to run with this light, this light that CAN spread. I want to spread it with how i love others, I want to spread it by loving people who have mocked me, I want to spread light by being a witness of His strength and His faithfulness, I want to spread light by walking and staying the course, I want to walk in light and love by responding to those in need, to those who cannot repay me, I want to spread light by sitting and listening, I want to spread light by dying to myself every single day regardless of my daily urge to put myself first, I want to spread light by encouraging others, celebrating others. I want to multiply light, joy and His love by speaking life into the lives I run into. I want to run into 2017 being contagious all the while being replenished with new strength, new joy, new life daily. I like to believe as lightbearers, as brave girls, we have this beautiful call to be light to others regardless of our short comings.

Let’s run into 2017 with this hope and strength.

Photo Cred:

Eloise Soriano

Mikey Tabuzo

Being brave also means.... having FUN!

A Reflection - Traveling.

I love talking to my mom after coming from a trip, as a former flight stewardess, she has had 25 years of traveling all over the world under her belt. In the light of her, I am just barely beginning my travel adventures. In fact, it is her steady loving force that is behind the reason why I have had the courage and curiosity to travel and explore.

Like my mom, traveling to me is where I get a glimpse of the invisible God right before my eyes. When I see snow covered mountain peaks, lakes of the bluest of blues, trees that go on for miles…I see the Maker and I just imagine how much love was spoken into the world on those first 7 days in Genesis. It is then that I grasp a little bit more of how great the love of our Father has for us, I grasp a little bit more of how carefully the Father created the earth just so we might realize His strong love towards us.

Thinking more about it, I like to think this sense of awe is simply a different form of worship. Traveling.... a form of worship? Why not?! People travel all over the world into different countries, places, and cultures just to be in awe. I think thats what we do when we worship right? We are in awe of His glory, we acknowledge His power, and we soak in His love. I think thats what happens to me when I travel, I see God’s glory through His creations and I just want to soak in it. Simply being in awe of the Maker, thats worship.

Just as I was telling my mom how I would get teary-eyed every time we drove past the mountains during our trip to Banff, she said something that challenged me to go a little bit deeper.

“You know you can find Jesus everywhere you go. In the faces of people, in the moon. Mother Theresa found Jesus in the slums of India. Can you believe that? She went to the slums to find Him”

Just as much as I love to travel and see God’s beautiful creations on the other side of the world, I know there will be a time where God will call me/us into places that to the world aren’t “worth” visiting. Places where light doesn’t reach, or places that are labeled “third-world” or “war-torn” and I wonder if we’d have the same reaction, I wonder if we’d still be in awe. I wonder if we’d be sure of His love towards us in those places. I think God hopes that we do. And I think God also hopes that we go down on our knees to help the broken, feed the hungry, love the unloved, be THE light in those places.

Just as we worship during the best moments in our lives, true worship is praising Him in any circumstance and in any season. So I think that means true worship is also being in awe of who God is as we sometimes follow Him straight into the dark. The good news about traveling/following a living God is that no matter where we are, His presence will go with and before us. After my mom said that, I realized that I don’t want aim to only travel and chase the beautiful corners of the earth, I hope to simply chase hard after the Maker of it all and His presence. Just that, to chase after His presence. love, k.

Brave Girls Cross Streets

We’ve heard all it all, all those fear defeating quotes… You know, the ones about going into uncharted waters, climbing over tall mountains, facing giants and so on. One that I’m sure has stuck to every christian heart is from the song Oceans by Hillsong

“You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail”

Waters? What kind of waters? Because if I remember correctly, the ocean isn’t always the calm, turquoise blue, clear, and inviting that I wish it to be.

What if I don’t even know how to walk upon waters… what if I can’t even cross the street?!

At one point in my life, I wanted to start a non-profit organization by the name of 5forfive with the hope to help those in need as well as help children with special needs in third world countries. If I were to be completely honest, the whole thing was a bit overwhelming. I lacked the wisdom, Jesus-perspective, and any real strategic ideas for it to be successful at the time. I was quite overwhelmed, and so I put it aside for months.

I knew I wanted to help, I just didn’t know what my first step was.

“ Cross the street”

I work in New York City. A city filled with hopes, dreams, fancy cars very tall skyscrapers and very rich people. However, It is also filled with many people who sleep on sidewalks, who walk aimlessly and who are constantly hungry. I knew this, yet it didn’t dawn on me that maybe this is where God wanted me to start. Do you want to know why? I was afraid of crossing the street. You know, the street thats just a bit too dark, a bit too smelly, ones covered with cardboard boxes telling stories of the people who hold it, the streets that we as New Yorkers don’t have time to cross, or at least don’t make time to cross.

Cross the street.

When I think about that phrase, something about it reminds me of the parable of the good samaritan. Jesus tells a story about a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho who on his way was attacked by robbers and was left half-dead. Where a priest and a levite went to many lengths just to avoid helping the man.

It crazy because for many years i’ve read this story, and I always read in disgust at the part when the priest that I never stopped to realize that for most of my life, I was the priest. I avoid at any cost when I see a man on the sidewalk hungry, I pretend not to realize that so many people wake up hungry. Yet for years, I’ve wanted to help but was too scared to cross into the deep scary streets.

Sometimes I think the beginning of our call is being able to be brave enough to cross the street.For me, at the this time in my life, crossing the street looks like physically crossing New York City streets with bagels in the morning with one question.. “who does Jesus want me to feed today?”

What are the streets you need to cross in your life? What does it look like? Does it feel scary? Do you know that Jesus goes with you?

It may be crossing into the unknown with faith, it could be crossing into something that is new but scary, it could be diving into the not so glamours things God has called us to do as light bears, God-bearers in this world.

If crossing uncharted waters is a bit daunting, its okay. Work on crossing the street first. The good thing about crossing streets when we follow Jesus, is that He goes with us and before us!

Love,

Photocred: Mikey Tabuzo

Love comes in many names and many ways.

To my present and future students,

I don’t know if I will always have perfect patience and love towards you. I don’t know if I will always have all the answers to your problems, or even know all the ways that will make you feel better or stop those tears from falling. I don’t know if I will always know how hard its like to be in your body.

I can’t love you as beautifully and perfectly as the One who created and engraved you in the palm of His hand. I wish I did, but I don’t know you as deeply as He does. But when it gets crazy and I don’t have answers, I do promise to always ask you one question, “can I stand in this mess with you?”

Love,

Your imperfect teacher and cheerleader.

#AutismAwarenessMonth

#autismawarenessmonth

Brave Girls Have a Focal Point

As I decided to start the #BRAVEGIRLS Series, I wanted to select a photo that somewhat related to my topic, as well as feature some of the girls I consider brave in my life. Girls that encourage me to keep pushing, keep committing and girls I simply enjoy doing life with. As for this post, I think its rather ironic that I couldn’t find any pictures except for this one, a picture of me. Its funny because this topic is something I struggle with a lot and something I struggled with recently.

Focal Points - You don’t realize you need them until...well, you fall off balance, attempt to spin around (whatever ballerina’s do), fall off a snowboard, do a weird balance yoga pose, shoot a basket, score a goal...etc. While attempting to do any of those, you try to convince yourself to focus. When you don’t? Well... we all know, we lose our balance, fall off something or miss the goal.

If focal points are so important, I guess what our focal point is, is just as important.

Peter walking towards Jesus during a raging storm is a classic example of what happens to us when we become distracted and lose sight of our focal point. Distracted with ourselves (our weaknesses, our failures, our regrets), the storms of life or other people. In the beginning of the scene, when Peter realized that it was Jesus and not a ghost, Peter was filled with boldness and walked towards Jesus on the sea. Peter walked on water, something he couldn’t even do but Peter was so focused, so fixated on Jesus that he did something humanly impossible. Not to mention he did it while a raging storm was probably wrecking the boat Peter and Jesus’ friends were on. But as soon as Peter took his eyes off of the One and looked at the winds he began to sink.

I find myself being like Peter all the time, its embarrassing. Many times when the circumstances of my life take a turn and the storm instead of the sun comes, I tend to press the panic button. begin to focus on myself -- I begin to consume myself with my lack of strength, my inability to do certain things, my fears, regrets, the things I wish I could’ve done different and I begin to sink. I sink so far deep. I do this instead of find my circumstances as a perfect invitation to look into the Savior’s eyes as my focal point and source of strength.

Jesus is not only the best focal, He is the only perfect focal point. He is unfailing, faithful, constant and full of grace. Jesus not only gives us the same stability but He becomes our source of strength, as well as affirmation. We no longer have to wallow in our weaknesses and failures. In fact, thats the best thing we can do on our toughest days, look to the One. He wants us to stare into His eyes. His eyes that look right back at us with love, strength, healing, a future and hope. Storms will still be storms, even with Jesus present, Peter encountered a storm.

I like to think that Jesus stared so deep in the eyes of His loving Father that it gave him the power to endure one of the hardest and scariest moments of His life....dying on the cross while bearing the weight of the world.

Jesus invites us to just look into His eyes -- He invites us to trade our weaknesses for His strength, our failures for His victory, our can’t to His I can do all things. Looking into His eyes and making Him our center, doesn’t exempt us from hard times, it just gives us divine endurance, strength and power to get through it and it doesn't end there. He gives us courage to tell our stories to others and you know what happens when things spread? People’s lives are changed, we are changed, joy is spread, His love is spread and little by little we begin to see through Heaven’s eyes.

When we make Jesus our focal point, ordinary people become extraordinary people, the weak become strong and girls become brave.

love, k.

-Photo Cred: Cat Lee Photography

Broken but Brave

Hello!

Do you ever have days when all you want to do is cry? Today is one of those days for me. At times, like today, I can’t even quite figure out why I feel this way.

I just feel broken inside, overwhelmed, stressed out, inadequate, I can’t help but think about the things and the people who have hurt me in the past. I just feel...burnt out.

I remember another time when I was going through a rough time in my life and reading this bible verse:

Matthew 11:28 - 30 MSG

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

I used to think that when I believed and followed Jesus, I would never feel broken again and I would never find myself in the lows of life. But after walking on this road for quite some times, I guess following Jesus doesn’t really work that way. In fact, I think sometimes life is a little crazier following Jesus.

But the thing I love about God is that he is a “meet-er.”

What does that even mean?

I mean...He meets us.

Where is that point in our lives that we are burnt out? Broken? Where is that that point in our lives when someone or something has hurt us? Where is that time in the past or in the present? Where does your strength end and your brokenness begin?

He meets us at that exact point. He meets us in the secret places that no one knows but you and Him. He meets us in those moments we can’t seem to speak of to anyone else, He meets us in those times where we somehow have broken into a million pieces. He meets us time and time again, and asks us to give Him our load, all the heaviness and broken pieces in our lives. And like how mosaics are made with broken pieces, He turns our ashes into beauty. He meets us in our broken places and gives us rest and refuge.

Where he meets us, is where we are able to be brave again. Not because of our own strength, but He gives us His strength. His grace and his undying love for us in sufficient, and God’s unexplainable power is made perfect in our humanly weakness. With our brokenness, he speaks life and we are able to be Brave Girls again.

Part of being Brave is simply being honest enough to give our burdens and cares to the Father.

Where is that broken place in your life? He will meet you there.

Hello Brave Girls! and Everyone!

I have had it in my heart for a while to start a series called “#Brave Girls.”

I’d like to think that it is really just a note-to-self for when I forget (which is quite often) that we, as women, are created to live fully and BRAVELY.

I think part of living fully and bravely is sharing our stories and revelations with each other - so that we are constantly reminded even in the darkest of nights that we are destined to be BRAVE despite how we feel and what our circumstances are.

I also write to honor the #BraveGirls who have lived before us, paving a road when there was none, who have sacrificed and prayed and spoke life over us - This one is for you mom.

Lastly, this is to honor the most High God -- Who spoke light, purpose, meaning, love, bravery, strength into our hearts and lives.

I am not the most athletic person in the world, but I have had a growing interest and a slow growing love for snowboarding. Why? Blame my friends and the beauty of sitting on top of a snowy mountain just as the sun is about to set.

I’ve learned (though there is more learning to be done) to gracefully snowboard down a mountain. As well as, priding myself on going to down the black diamond, one of the more difficult trails when I could hardly really snowboard. And mastering the art of actually going down sideways, you know, the right way to snowboard?

Ahhhh... doesn’t it all sound grand? It does for the most part, with a handful of bruises here and there and a whole lot of bravery especially for a girl like me. If only overcoming the fear of going down the mountain was the only part to worry about. Honestly, the thing worse than going down the mountain with mediocre skills ...is riding the chairlift and having to get off it.

Yeah.

For a hardly experienced amateur snowboarder like me, getting off a chairlift is quite a daunting task. To me, there is just no graceful way of doing it. I remember getting on a chairlift for the very first time. I could hardly enjoy the ride up because I was too anxious on how exactly I was going to get off the chairlift. The anxiety was high, and I was running out of time...very fast.

I had two choices, actually I really only had one choice. To commit to it and go regardless of how graceful or how disastrous it would be.

Out of maybe... the 15 times or so that i’ve ever really gotten on a chairlift... I’ve probably gotten off it with some type of dignity maybe about 2 out of those 15 times.

But no matter how I got off the chairlift, the view on top of mountain once you were there was always worth it. It didn’t matter how many times I failed at getting off, the view always trumped the fear.

I’d like to think that a lot of life’s experiences, a lot of life’s best views comes with chairlift jumps of different shapes and sizes we have to overcome.

The chairlifts jumps in our lives could be caring way too much of what other people think, finances, discouragement, death, broken plans, fear of disappointment, fear of disappointing...

Being brave has to do a lot about kicking fear in the face. Fear plants us to our seats so we won’t move and we miss our jump...we miss the mountain top. But when we tap into God’s strength and love we are able to rise above it and commit to the jump.

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not about how graceful or how dignified we look getting out of our chairlifts. I think its simply about gathering just enough strength to just jump and overcome. How it’s done...doesn’t matter. I’d like to think Jesus wasn’t really into details, I think He was more about the heart.

After all,

Why would we be called overcomers, if there was nothing to overcome? Why would we be called conquerors, if there was nothing to conquer?

with love,

Be on the look out for my new series - #BraveGirls

#bravegirls

Dear Thailand,

I miss your smell, I miss your color, I miss your street food, I miss waking up and walking into a coffeeshop to greet the day, I miss the clean, I also miss the dirty,

But I miss your people the most.

2016 Goal

In all things, I want to give You all I’ve got and this time I'm running.

#glorytoglory goal