suddenly, one day

this is a vent blog!

[kafkla]

mmm I feel obligated to have some sort of intro

hihi! if you know who I am, please pretend you don’t, and please spare me the stress of knowing you’re present

due to recent events, I’ve felt the need to create a evillll sideblog. because I am evill…

I go by any pronouns, he/him is preferred. On the aro/ace spectrum but that doesn’t really matter, i am 16!!!!

i will be posting on matters of the heart semi-frequently because i am sad, semi-frequently. please excuse my sickness

I’m not actually sure how intros work, so take this and begone!!

[radosnie]

I'm tired of pretending I give two shits about other people's problems.

You got into this mess yourself. You couldn't shut up, so they kept on annoying you. You did this to yourself.

I kept saying not to bother, and yet you did. Why the fuck should I care about your issues now? I've told you "That's a bad idea. Don't do that." and now you're crying, because I was right???

"I'm sorry" Oh, I'm sure.

[kafkla]

rant!

I don’t think i talk enough about how much i genuinely hate people, and it’s getting worse over time

I know it’s pretty universal to hate your friends but i always bounce back from it!! But today after this guy went ghost on me and came back complaining about their body image i just felt so frustrated

like they’ve done this before and i usually have no problem comforting them (low empathy, high cognitive) but Im just genuinely sick of them because they never improve and always complain

I give advice i tell them what’s wrong im literally checking off the boxes and i know it’s nothing I can’t change but like can you get a grip please?? They have an ED and I don’t know how to help them besides damage management but they’re so far away I can only hope they’re listening to me

Their environment is so destructive and terrible and it’s all in their head unfortunately so their behavior just won’t stop!!

Like the way they think is legitimately wrong in all forms. Their opinions are wrong and their claims are wrong because wdym “skinny people are always happy and have boyfriends” no that’s incorrect can you do some research before belittling yourself on my god

I hate hasty generalizations and repetition so like it’s really really grating on me

I genuinely can’t do anything to help and It’s gotten to the point where theyll just keep talking and spiraling until they’re finished and then theyll pretend nothings wrong. In this scenario the correct way to handle this is to leave them if they’re causing you harm but for personal reasons I can’t do that

Im not even like being hurt mentally im just disgusted by people they’re so icky and yucky and they never do anything right???

If they wanted to do things right they should listen to me

[kafkla]

when the cold stops feeling like a jolly winter evening

and suddenly you’re trying to Purge The Evils From Within Your Body

[kafkla]

things would go better for me if I was a worm i think

eating decay doesn’t sound so bad

[kafkla]

i dont know want to wake up to next year

[kafkla]

observing life and never experiencing it

observing life and never experiencing it

observing life and never experiencing it

Observing and never experiencing

Observing and never experienc

[kafkla]

pretty inactive partly because ive been steadily improving (what!)

also because dating your literal narrative foil does wonders. im too frustrated(affectionally) all the time by our parallels that I don’t have time to be upset

[kafkla]

people will forget me all the same, they already are

[robertfagden]

do you ever care about something really really hard for three seconds and then stop caring completely. like ok im fine now actually. dont know what came over me

[kafkla]

i was asked today if i remembered a close friend of mine

i was taken aback by this because the person asking me was under the pretense that i had forgotten about him and it shocked me that people could think that i could ever, ever forget about them

i can’t blame them though, because it’s been a solid couple of years, but it only made me feel a little more isolated from everyone. doesnt everyone put in effort to memorialize the strangers they see on the street?

i guess not 😕

[kafkla]

i saw him again today and he forgot about me

he only knows me now because of other people who I’ve never bothered to talk to

[kafkla]

my potential will kill me, I think

[kafkla]

ughhhhh recently been feeling like an easily excitable dog it’s really embarrassing 😞

wdym I get excited when I go on walks and start feeling ecstatic when I see cool things like sticks

there’s a 50/50 chance that whenever I’m zoned out or unresponsive it’s because im feeling really empty OR im trying to calm my rapidly beating heart by zoning out after thinking abt violence :\\

literally can’t even entertain a short scenario without getting like foggy headed ts is so annoyingggg 😭😭

[kafkla]

i am generally content with everything and i feel like it confuses some people i know

seeing an edit of nature fills me with an ambiguous emotion, it’s wonderful and beautiful, but i am consumed by dread all the same

this is what passive suicidal ideation feels like to me, because all is well, but i wouldnt mind if it wasnt

[kafkla]

i gave up on talking to people a long time ago, which pains me to say because i truly am sociable at heart

i used to text relentlessly and recently realized that the only times there was a response was whenever i stopped speaking

[kafkla]

sometimes i worry that i speak with the cadence of a slam poet

[kafkla]

i was asked today if i remembered a close friend of mine

i was taken aback by this because the person asking me was under the pretense that i had forgotten about him and it shocked me that people could think that i could ever, ever forget about them

i can’t blame them though, because it’s been a solid couple of years, but it only made me feel a little more isolated from everyone. doesnt everyone put in effort to memorialize the strangers they see on the street?

i guess not 😕