Kage Goes to Tamriel

Sarcastic and witty remarks made by Kage while playing Skyrim or Elder Scrolls Online.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Okay, that’s fine, but why are you on fire?  You’re awfully calm for a man that’s on fire.

[kagegoestotamriel]

I was sneaking, looking for deer to hunt, or maybe wolves.  I found Thalmor instead.

They don’t make very good leather.

[kagegoestotamriel]

I see you floating pot. *Forgets wuld is on instead of fus and shouts* Fuck, Arngier saw that.

[kagegoestotamriel]

It’s okay, I have the power of skooma.

[kagegoestotamriel]

So, you know how good things come in threes?

Not in Skyrim.

[kagegoestotamriel]

I’m in combat?  Why am I in combat?  

Oh, that’s a lot of slaughterfish.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Huh, a floating goat.  Here in Skyrim, we got sea-goats, sky-goats, all kinds of goats!

[kagegoestotamriel]

“Speak to me before entering Mournhold, citizen!”

But… I’m already in Mournhold.  Boy are you bad at this.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Well, how many dragon’s have you killed, then?

[kagegoestotamriel]

Ever since that time a dragon weaponized a cart, they have shown up in the oddest places. Like:

* Floating in midair. (this is the weaponized one)

* In Dwemer ruins

* Popping into existence directly in the path

* In random barrows and caves, which did not previously have them

* stuck in place floating in a fast-moving river.

[kagegoestotamriel]

I'm, uh, getting tired of all these Oblivion gates. I might have to pay attention to the main quest.

[kagegoestotamriel]

*opens door, sees vampires, closes door*

Nope. Not today.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Well, it's leather. That means it was someone's skin.

Oh, that sounded wrong...

[kagegoestotamriel]

How many trolls it that? Do I count six red dots?

I'm not good at math, but that's too many.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Oh, Skyrim can be kinda pretty.

*giant spider crosses road and vanishes into the forest*

Nope, nevermind.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Nothing exciting happened today, I just took an inexcusable amount of time to get to Windhelm.

[kagegoestotamriel]

Clavicus Vile?

I'm taking your offerings, dipshit.