my beloved

state of grace

[kairakeiji]

calista: ajax’s lover & keiji’s darling!

21 ・ she/her ・ar 57 / tl 24

status . . . archived!! thank you so much for everything <3

to the sender…

links. about me ・ blog rules & tags

masterlists. haikyuu ・ tokyo revengers ・ genshin impact

latest letters...

third time's the charm (tetsurou kuroo)

situationship survivor (atsumu miya)

drunk encounters (keiji akaashi)

pfp by @/kita-dynasty !! header art by @/salgoolulu

[kairakeiji]

note: alcohol consumption! and also lowkey suggestive :DD

“will you go out with me?”

the words are slightly slurred when they leave akaashi’s lips. his eyes are a little hazy as they stare down at you, trapped between him and the wall behind you. your gaze darts up to his at his question, widening slightly.

“what?”

and this is why you should never let keiji akaashi consume alcohol. one minute he’s sitting and observing the party around him, nursing a small drink, the next bokuto, who was rather inebriated himself, is begging him to do a shot with him before dragging him away from his little corner and into the center of attention. he begrudgingly followed his best friend, who consistently told him to “loosen up ‘kaashi,” and that “you never go out anyway, we gotta celebrate when you do.”

curse his decade long friendship with bokuto. if it weren’t for their prior history, akaashi wouldn’t have given in so easily.

you came up to him with the same grin you always gave him, the one that always made his heart flutter, before laughing at bokuto’s antics. he begged you to get him out of this but before you could save him, bokuto’s held another shot in his hands, whispering that akaashi looked a bit too nervous standing before you.

the shot was gone before he could even register what kind of alcohol it was.

vodka, the really shitty kind too, the one that people buy for $10 and drink to ensure they don’t remember the rest of the night. akaashi had a coughing fit after, which prompted you to bring him back to his little corner. akaashi swore the world was spinning around him, not even registering that you were holding his hand, eyes full of concern. “are you okay?” you question, the noise of the party dying down slightly.

“i think so,” he mumbles.

“you drank a lot pretty quickly,” you tell him as you hand him a bottle of water, “this should help you for now.”

he only nodded as he took the drink from your hand, the surprisingly cold bottle acting as a wake up call. you were standing in front of him, taking care of him, making sure he was okay. and he, well, he was unfortunately drunk, moreso than he had been in a really long time.

“thank you,” he tells you.

you wave it off, “not a problem.”

“it is a bit, though,” he sighs, rubbing at his eyes. he begins to walk forward, a little hazy.

“keiji, are you okay?”

you never call him by first name.

“keiji?” he questions softly.

“sorry, you mumbled. “accident.”

“no no,” he replies walking closer to you. “it’s fine, i don’t mind.”

“oh,” he keeps walking, and you find yourself matching his steps backwards. “if you say so.” your back hit the wall behind you, a shock going down your spine at the slight presence.

“i actually,” his hand rests on the wall behind you, caging you in as your heart beat picks up. “kinda like it.”

and that’s how you both ended up here, eyes locked on his as his question lingers in the air.

“i never even knew you liked me,” you mumble to akaashi.

“i have for awhile,” he tells you rather candidly. “i hate that i’m telling you like this though.” you shrink in slightly, not really realize how close he was to you. his face mere inches from yours. “especially in a position like this.”

you meet his gaze at that. he’s never been this close, you swear you could see every detail, even in the dim lighting.

your heart races. “akaashi i-”

“keiji,” he cuts you off.

“keiji,” you correct softly. “i-”

“if you don’t feel the same it’s fine,” he tells you softly, “especially after this, i would understand. i mean who am i to drop this on you so suddenly?”

“someone drunk,” you can’t help but laugh.

and akaashi shakes his head, “i’m sorry, i really wanted to tell you at a different time,” he explains. “but i think that’s why bokuto was making me down shots.”

“you never party,” you tell him.

“neither do you,” he counters. “did he make you drink?”

“yeah, right before he pulled you in,” you sigh. “but i don’t think it’s really hit yet.”

“why are you here?”

“probably for the same reason as you,”

and a certain boy with silver spiked hair pops into akaashi’s mind.

“he set us up,” he sighs before his hand leaves the wall behind you.

but your hand reaches up for the collar of his shirt, pulling him in back into you. akaashi’s eyes widen as both his hands reach for the wall this time, hoping to save himself from fully tripping. “what are you-”

“don’t go yet,” you tell him, the party around you being drowned by your heartbeat. “we don’t want his efforts going to waste.” you must’ve jinxed yourself in that moment, as the world blurs out slightly.

“besides, i like having you this close.”

his lips are inches from yours, and it’s all he can find himself staring at. “how do you feel about me?” the questions slips out before he can think.

“let’s see,” you start. “bokuto invited two of his closest friends who never really party out, he got them both drunk around the same time, and now we’re standing here.”

akaashi blinks.

and you cant help but shake your head, your grip on his collar, slightly tightening. “for someone who’s normally so smart, you’re being really stupid right now.”

“i-”

you pull him in, as you stand up slightly on your toes, his lips crashing into yours. one of his hands slips off the wall to find the small of your back, holding you steady as the hand on his collar reaches up towards his neck. he pulls you off the wall and closer to him, his other hand traveling up your figure to your cheek. akaashi finds himself chasing your lips as you pull away, a slight smile curling in your lips when you notice.

“does that say enough?” you tease.

“one more,” he tells you before he pulls you back in. you can’t help but smile as you kiss him, hands beginning to travel to his shoulders before you lead him backwards. he follows your lead, his touch remains light as his hands move to your waist. your back rest on the wall once again as he pulls away, eyes meeting yours. akaashi kisses your cheek, and then your jaw, and you can’t help the sigh you let out as he kisses the column of your neck. “you never answered my question,” he tells you between kisses.

“what was your question again,” you tease slightly. he kisses up your neck before pulling back to meet your eyes, face inches from yours.

“you’re gonna make me repeat it?” he questions. akaashi’s slightly out of breath, eyes hooded and as dazed out as ever.

you can’t help but laugh, “i’m dense, i truly can’t remember.”

and he shakes his head, “you just want me to say it again.”

“maybe,” you sigh. “it’s me, i know you will.”

and you’re right.

“go out with me,” he tells you.

and you nod, “okay.”

the things i'd give for keiji to pin me to a wall like that...i mean whaaaat who said that???

thank you for reading, this is so self indulgent, so i hope you like it :DD

[kairakeiji]

note: alcohol consumption! and also lowkey suggestive :DD

“will you go out with me?”

the words are slightly slurred when they leave akaashi’s lips. his eyes are a little hazy as they stare down at you, trapped between him and the wall behind you. your gaze darts up to his at his question, widening slightly.

“what?”

and this is why you should never let keiji akaashi consume alcohol. one minute he’s sitting and observing the party around him, nursing a small drink, the next bokuto, who was rather inebriated himself, is begging him to do a shot with him before dragging him away from his little corner and into the center of attention. he begrudgingly followed his best friend, who consistently told him to “loosen up ‘kaashi,” and that “you never go out anyway, we gotta celebrate when you do.”

curse his decade long friendship with bokuto. if it weren’t for their prior history, akaashi wouldn’t have given in so easily.

you came up to him with the same grin you always gave him, the one that always made his heart flutter, before laughing at bokuto’s antics. he begged you to get him out of this but before you could save him, bokuto’s held another shot in his hands, whispering that akaashi looked a bit too nervous standing before you.

the shot was gone before he could even register what kind of alcohol it was.

vodka, the really shitty kind too, the one that people buy for $10 and drink to ensure they don’t remember the rest of the night. akaashi had a coughing fit after, which prompted you to bring him back to his little corner. akaashi swore the world was spinning around him, not even registering that you were holding his hand, eyes full of concern. “are you okay?” you question, the noise of the party dying down slightly.

“i think so,” he mumbles.

“you drank a lot pretty quickly,” you tell him as you hand him a bottle of water, “this should help you for now.”

he only nodded as he took the drink from your hand, the surprisingly cold bottle acting as a wake up call. you were standing in front of him, taking care of him, making sure he was okay. and he, well, he was unfortunately drunk, moreso than he had been in a really long time.

“thank you,” he tells you.

you wave it off, “not a problem.”

“it is a bit, though,” he sighs, rubbing at his eyes. he begins to walk forward, a little hazy.

“keiji, are you okay?”

you never call him by first name.

“keiji?” he questions softly.

“sorry, you mumbled. “accident.”

“no no,” he replies walking closer to you. “it’s fine, i don’t mind.”

“oh,” he keeps walking, and you find yourself matching his steps backwards. “if you say so.” your back hit the wall behind you, a shock going down your spine at the slight presence.

“i actually,” his hand rests on the wall behind you, caging you in as your heart beat picks up. “kinda like it.”

and that’s how you both ended up here, eyes locked on his as his question lingers in the air.

“i never even knew you liked me,” you mumble to akaashi.

“i have for awhile,” he tells you rather candidly. “i hate that i’m telling you like this though.” you shrink in slightly, not really realize how close he was to you. his face mere inches from yours. “especially in a position like this.”

you meet his gaze at that. he’s never been this close, you swear you could see every detail, even in the dim lighting.

your heart races. “akaashi i-”

“keiji,” he cuts you off.

“keiji,” you correct softly. “i-”

“if you don’t feel the same it’s fine,” he tells you softly, “especially after this, i would understand. i mean who am i to drop this on you so suddenly?”

“someone drunk,” you can’t help but laugh.

and akaashi shakes his head, “i’m sorry, i really wanted to tell you at a different time,” he explains. “but i think that’s why bokuto was making me down shots.”

“you never party,” you tell him.

“neither do you,” he counters. “did he make you drink?”

“yeah, right before he pulled you in,” you sigh. “but i don’t think it’s really hit yet.”

“why are you here?”

“probably for the same reason as you,”

and a certain boy with silver spiked hair pops into akaashi’s mind.

“he set us up,” he sighs before his hand leaves the wall behind you.

but your hand reaches up for the collar of his shirt, pulling him in back into you. akaashi’s eyes widen as both his hands reach for the wall this time, hoping to save himself from fully tripping. “what are you-”

“don’t go yet,” you tell him, the party around you being drowned by your heartbeat. “we don’t want his efforts going to waste.” you must’ve jinxed yourself in that moment, as the world blurs out slightly.

“besides, i like having you this close.”

his lips are inches from yours, and it’s all he can find himself staring at. “how do you feel about me?” the questions slips out before he can think.

“let’s see,” you start. “bokuto invited two of his closest friends who never really party out, he got them both drunk around the same time, and now we’re standing here.”

akaashi blinks.

and you cant help but shake your head, your grip on his collar, slightly tightening. “for someone who’s normally so smart, you’re being really stupid right now.”

“i-”

you pull him in, as you stand up slightly on your toes, his lips crashing into yours. one of his hands slips off the wall to find the small of your back, holding you steady as the hand on his collar reaches up towards his neck. he pulls you off the wall and closer to him, his other hand traveling up your figure to your cheek. akaashi finds himself chasing your lips as you pull away, a slight smile curling in your lips when you notice.

“does that say enough?” you tease.

“one more,” he tells you before he pulls you back in. you can’t help but smile as you kiss him, hands beginning to travel to his shoulders before you lead him backwards. he follows your lead, his touch remains light as his hands move to your waist. your back rest on the wall once again as he pulls away, eyes meeting yours. akaashi kisses your cheek, and then your jaw, and you can’t help the sigh you let out as he kisses the column of your neck. “you never answered my question,” he tells you between kisses.

“what was your question again,” you tease slightly. he kisses up your neck before pulling back to meet your eyes, face inches from yours.

“you’re gonna make me repeat it?” he questions. akaashi’s slightly out of breath, eyes hooded and as dazed out as ever.

you can’t help but laugh, “i’m dense, i truly can’t remember.”

and he shakes his head, “you just want me to say it again.”

“maybe,” you sigh. “it’s me, i know you will.”

and you’re right.

“go out with me,” he tells you.

and you nod, “okay.”

the things i'd give for keiji to pin me to a wall like that...i mean whaaaat who said that???

thank you for reading, this is so self indulgent, so i hope you like it :DD

[kairakeiji]

KAIRAKEIJI COMEBACK ERA????

maybe :)

[kairakeiji]

note: situationship/fwb!

how do you hate something you once loved?

atsumu used to think this all the time. the way you fooled everyone with stolen moments, silly photos, and lies that made the world believe you were his. he doesn’t deny the way he relished in your touch, in the faux comfort your words gave him, even if you both had no label. you would never truly be his. atsumu made sure of that after his mistake, the mistake that felt like it had taken away the only thing that truly made him sane.

why am i here?

he stands outside your door, uncertain of how he got here. honestly, atsumu swears he blacked out. but somehow, his trip back to his place turned into a supposed wrong left turn onto a road that led straight to your apartment, the place that some part of his brain still believes is home.

he won’t ever forget your last argument. you both never had a label, never defined the relationship, yet there you both were screaming as if you did. he spent one night with someone else, one drunken night that he finds himself regretting more often than not. it was never off the table, it was never fully discussed, despite how much he told you he regretted it, despite how much he told you it was a mistake. yet the way you cried and screamed and hit him in every place you knew he was vulnerable led to the state you were both in now. angered, isolated, with an unknown amount of tension and rage murmuring between you both.

separate, without ever getting the chance to be together.

how do you hate something you once loved?

atsumu stands outside your door, partly paralyzed and dazed out. what if you’re not even home? what if you’re out seeing other people and moving on and forgetting him? a part of him feels pathetic, still wishing for something that never truly belonged to him. a part of him misses you, a part of him still wishes you were still a text or a phone call away, that you could still be in his arms, and that he can live in the false narrative of being yours.

can you even stop loving someone?

he knocks without thinking.

a beat goes by, then another, and then one more. the silence leads to his thoughts running a million miles a minute. one question, one hypothetical, one worry following the next. the guilt hits him again and the silence seems to mock him. he steps back from your door, figure slumping slightly.

atsumu swears he hears the doorknob turn.

the door opens hesitantly, his heart beginning to pound.

and then he sees you.

how do you stop time?

“hey,” his voice doesn’t come out the way he had hoped it would. it’s a bit too high and a little too quiet.

“what are you doing here?” your voice doesn’t come out the way he knows it does. it’s shaky and timid, rather than the typical upbeat tone you carried. your eyes looked swollen, the hoodie you wore covering most of your figure and hair.

his heart sinks, “i wish i could tell you.”

“can you leave then?” his heart drops at the way your voice quivers. “i kind of don’t want to see you right now, i’m sorry.”

“can i ask you something first?” atsumu tries. “one question and then i’ll leave you alone i swear. you never have to hear from me again after that.”

you shake your head, “you know i don’t want that, tsumu.”

tsumu…he loves it when you call him that.

how do you want something so desperately? how do you want something more than anything else in the world and not know how to fully say it?

atsumu steps closer to the door, “so you’ll hear me out?”

the door opens more as you step out of the shadows of your apartment.

“was it real to you?” atsumu questions.

you scoff, “of all things you have to ask me.”

“just answer,” he meets your gaze, and his heart sinks at how sullen your eyes are. “please.”

“of course it was,” you tell him. “i know we weren’t together, well, relationship-wise at least. but i meant everything i said and everything i did.” you shake your head, blinking rapidly. “that’s why what you did hurt so much.”

“i know and-”

“please let me finish,” your voice is gentle, laced with the reassurance he grew to depend on, the same tone you used every time he lost a game or failed a test. “i don’t know what we are…or were. i just knew everything was real,” you meet his eyes. “everything was so real.”

memories play in atsumu’s head. the time he made you ditch your class just to take you to get matcha from the new place that opened down the block. the long afternoons you kept him trapped in a library to actually study. the days he spent in your company, the nights he spent holding you in his arms, exploring parts of you that he knew no one had yet before. the mornings that followed as he used ice cubes to soothe the marks he left on you, the little giggles you left as you found yourself counting each one in the mirror, watching in your reflection as he kissed each one.

“did it feel real to you?”

your question snapped atsumu out of his thoughts.

“of course it did,” he answers almost instantly. “nothing in my life has never felt more real.”

“for so long i never thought you truly cared like that,” you sigh.

“what do you mean?” he questions.

“it felt like i was just another fling of yours,” you explain. “that you’d toss me to the side once you got bored of me. and some stupid part of me thought that maybe that wasn’t the case. that for some reason i managed to strike you differently than any other person you had gone out with.” your gaze moves to the ground. “i guess i was wrong.”

“i wasn’t thinking,” he mutters. “you were right. no one’s ever made me feel as much joy as you. and i’m so sorry things turned out like this.” he runs a hand through his hair. “one dumb mistake, and i feel like i’m losing the one person i feel like i truly love.”

is it possible to find love for something you hate?

he meets your eyes, and he swears he sees them soften. “you love me?”

“i do,” he tells you. “i do love you, and i’m sorry i didn’t say so sooner. i’m so sorry that i never asked you to be mine. i should’ve asked you so so long ago instead of leaving you here like this.” atsumu stretches out his hands. you look down at his hands before looking to him, and he feels like he’s almost begging you to take them.

relief washes over him when you do.

“if you want to forget about me and move on with your life, you are more than welcome to do so,” he tells you. “i mean i deserve it, what i did was so wrong.”

“it was,” you mumble under your breath.

and atsumu doesn’t even have the strength to fight you. he just wants nothing more than to fight for you.

“but, if you can forgive me,” he starts, “then i would love nothing more than for you to be mine. i promise to spend the rest of my days making up for this. whether it’s in matchas or nights together, or study sessions against my will, or convenience store runs, or osamu’s food.” the last portion makes you laugh, and atsumu would give anything to hear it again. “please, if you can find it in you to do so, please give me a chance to treat you right and be mine.”

he lets out a breath, heart thrumming in his chest before meeting your gaze. “what do you say?”

and he feels his heart sigh as you nod.

“okay.”

i am a true situationship survivor who, for some reason, loves writing about them...lowkey telling...

anyway thank you for reading!! <3

[kairakeiji]

note: situationship/fwb!

how do you hate something you once loved?

atsumu used to think this all the time. the way you fooled everyone with stolen moments, silly photos, and lies that made the world believe you were his. he doesn’t deny the way he relished in your touch, in the faux comfort your words gave him, even if you both had no label. you would never truly be his. atsumu made sure of that after his mistake, the mistake that felt like it had taken away the only thing that truly made him sane.

why am i here?

he stands outside your door, uncertain of how he got here. honestly, atsumu swears he blacked out. but somehow, his trip back to his place turned into a supposed wrong left turn onto a road that led straight to your apartment, the place that some part of his brain still believes is home.

he won’t ever forget your last argument. you both never had a label, never defined the relationship, yet there you both were screaming as if you did. he spent one night with someone else, one drunken night that he finds himself regretting more often than not. it was never off the table, it was never fully discussed, despite how much he told you he regretted it, despite how much he told you it was a mistake. yet the way you cried and screamed and hit him in every place you knew he was vulnerable led to the state you were both in now. angered, isolated, with an unknown amount of tension and rage murmuring between you both.

separate, without ever getting the chance to be together.

how do you hate something you once loved?

atsumu stands outside your door, partly paralyzed and dazed out. what if you’re not even home? what if you’re out seeing other people and moving on and forgetting him? a part of him feels pathetic, still wishing for something that never truly belonged to him. a part of him misses you, a part of him still wishes you were still a text or a phone call away, that you could still be in his arms, and that he can live in the false narrative of being yours.

can you even stop loving someone?

he knocks without thinking.

a beat goes by, then another, and then one more. the silence leads to his thoughts running a million miles a minute. one question, one hypothetical, one worry following the next. the guilt hits him again and the silence seems to mock him. he steps back from your door, figure slumping slightly.

atsumu swears he hears the doorknob turn.

the door opens hesitantly, his heart beginning to pound.

and then he sees you.

how do you stop time?

“hey,” his voice doesn’t come out the way he had hoped it would. it’s a bit too high and a little too quiet.

“what are you doing here?” your voice doesn’t come out the way he knows it does. it’s shaky and timid, rather than the typical upbeat tone you carried. your eyes looked swollen, the hoodie you wore covering most of your figure and hair.

his heart sinks, “i wish i could tell you.”

“can you leave then?” his heart drops at the way your voice quivers. “i kind of don’t want to see you right now, i’m sorry.”

“can i ask you something first?” atsumu tries. “one question and then i’ll leave you alone i swear. you never have to hear from me again after that.”

you shake your head, “you know i don’t want that, tsumu.”

tsumu…he loves it when you call him that.

how do you want something so desperately? how do you want something more than anything else in the world and not know how to fully say it?

atsumu steps closer to the door, “so you’ll hear me out?”

the door opens more as you step out of the shadows of your apartment.

“was it real to you?” atsumu questions.

you scoff, “of all things you have to ask me.”

“just answer,” he meets your gaze, and his heart sinks at how sullen your eyes are. “please.”

“of course it was,” you tell him. “i know we weren’t together, well, relationship-wise at least. but i meant everything i said and everything i did.” you shake your head, blinking rapidly. “that’s why what you did hurt so much.”

“i know and-”

“please let me finish,” your voice is gentle, laced with the reassurance he grew to depend on, the same tone you used every time he lost a game or failed a test. “i don’t know what we are…or were. i just knew everything was real,” you meet his eyes. “everything was so real.”

memories play in atsumu’s head. the time he made you ditch your class just to take you to get matcha from the new place that opened down the block. the long afternoons you kept him trapped in a library to actually study. the days he spent in your company, the nights he spent holding you in his arms, exploring parts of you that he knew no one had yet before. the mornings that followed as he used ice cubes to soothe the marks he left on you, the little giggles you left as you found yourself counting each one in the mirror, watching in your reflection as he kissed each one.

“did it feel real to you?”

your question snapped atsumu out of his thoughts.

“of course it did,” he answers almost instantly. “nothing in my life has never felt more real.”

“for so long i never thought you truly cared like that,” you sigh.

“what do you mean?” he questions.

“it felt like i was just another fling of yours,” you explain. “that you’d toss me to the side once you got bored of me. and some stupid part of me thought that maybe that wasn’t the case. that for some reason i managed to strike you differently than any other person you had gone out with.” your gaze moves to the ground. “i guess i was wrong.”

“i wasn’t thinking,” he mutters. “you were right. no one’s ever made me feel as much joy as you. and i’m so sorry things turned out like this.” he runs a hand through his hair. “one dumb mistake, and i feel like i’m losing the one person i feel like i truly love.”

is it possible to find love for something you hate?

he meets your eyes, and he swears he sees them soften. “you love me?”

“i do,” he tells you. “i do love you, and i’m sorry i didn’t say so sooner. i’m so sorry that i never asked you to be mine. i should’ve asked you so so long ago instead of leaving you here like this.” atsumu stretches out his hands. you look down at his hands before looking to him, and he feels like he’s almost begging you to take them.

relief washes over him when you do.

“if you want to forget about me and move on with your life, you are more than welcome to do so,” he tells you. “i mean i deserve it, what i did was so wrong.”

“it was,” you mumble under your breath.

and atsumu doesn’t even have the strength to fight you. he just wants nothing more than to fight for you.

“but, if you can forgive me,” he starts, “then i would love nothing more than for you to be mine. i promise to spend the rest of my days making up for this. whether it’s in matchas or nights together, or study sessions against my will, or convenience store runs, or osamu’s food.” the last portion makes you laugh, and atsumu would give anything to hear it again. “please, if you can find it in you to do so, please give me a chance to treat you right and be mine.”

he lets out a breath, heart thrumming in his chest before meeting your gaze. “what do you say?”

and he feels his heart sigh as you nod.

“okay.”

i am a true situationship survivor who, for some reason, loves writing about them...lowkey telling...

anyway thank you for reading!! <3

[kairakeiji]

kuroo has tried to confess to you twice.

the first was a mistake, a spur of the moment confession as you cried over the boy you just broke up with. the guy was an ass, he didn’t treat you right. he made you commute hours to go see him, he didn’t show up to any of your big events. he didn’t even plan any dates or ask you to hang out. kuroo confessed mid-breakdown, just days after your breakup, as he handed you a cup of coffee (your regular order, nonetheless) and tried to haul you out of your three day hibernation.

he didn’t talk to you for weeks after that, he kicks himself for it to this day.

the second confession went wrong. jealously festered in him after hearing about the date you went on as you worried about getting ghosted. you sat on the phone with him pacing back and forth in your bedroom, checking your texts over and over. and kuroo couldn’t help the way his blood boiled as you continued on and on about your date and how he paid for your meal and how he drove you home and…

“there’s someone i’m thinking of asking out,” he told you.

“you should go for it!” you obliviously replied in the mess of your anxiousness.

“it’s you.”

you froze in your tracks, as the rambles of getting ghosted turned into apologies about how you weren’t ready for a relationship and explanations he already knew, given how much you two spoke. kuroo should’ve given up, he should’ve moved on with his life and accepted that you two were friends and never anything more. he probably should’ve given you some distance, allowed himself the space to get on with his life, and hopefully find someone better.

but he’s stubborn, and frankly, he thinks he’s not going to find anyone as perfect for him as you.

so now he sits on the floor of your bedroom, an air mattress set up next to him as you shower in the bathroom. the onigiri wrappers still sat on the floor, your reward for just barely making it to the convenience store before closing. he hears your laughter in his ears, and a part of him can’t help but smile, his heart sinking slightly.

and he begins to wonder, what is he truly doing here?

a cloud of steam emerges from the bathroom.

“tetsu what time is it?” you mumble as you hang up the wet towel.

tetsu, the stupid nickname you’ve called him since you first met. It’s yours and yours alone, yet he knows you’ll never be his.

your voice sends a jolt down his spine, “somewhere close to 2:30,” he answers.

you sit next to him, resting your head on his shoulder. “are you sleepy yet?” you mumble with a sigh.

kuroo’s heart leaps, too scared to actually take a look at you. your wet hair seeps through his shirt, but he truly doesn’t have it in him to care. “a bit, yeah,” he lies, wrapping his arms around you, something that’s become a matter of instinct in your time of friendship.

you lean in closer, eyes shut and a sigh leaves your lips. “we should sleep then, yeah?’

we. the collective we, as if you two were grouped under two letters, as if you two were together.

what was kenma calling it? a situationship?

god, kuroo hated that word. it’s not even a real word.

“we should,” he tells you, before shuffling slightly. “now are you gonna sleep here or are you actually going to get in bed?”

“in a second,” you mumble, rubbing your eyes. “you’re comfy.”

he laughs, “should i take that as a compliment?”

“knowing you, i thought you would.”

“then thank you,” he nods. “glad to be a pillow for you.”

you straighten up, before standing and padding to your bed. “you’re more than just that, you know?”

he quirks a brow, a smirk on his face despite the slight waiver of his voice. “oh really? what am i then?”

“an amazing friend,” you start as you shuffle into bed. “the person who accompanies me on my late night convenience store runs, the person who brags about their grades being significantly better than mine.”

“i don’t say it like that.”

“you totally do, don’t deny it.”

and he scoffs, shaking his head as his lips curve upward.

“you’re the person who was there for me when it felt like no one was, the person who’s willing to help me with anything i need. i feel so safe with you and know i can trust you, and yes, you do make a good pillow.” you sigh and kuroo meets your gaze, the way your eyes shine making his heart sink slightly. “thank you for being here.”

and his heart sinks more, “anything for you.”

you smile at him, “i’m gonna head to bed then, wake me up if you need anything. good-”

“hey can i ask you something?”

you hesitate, “yeah what is it?”

“what am i doing here?”

you blink, “what do you mean?”

“while you were in the shower, i was just thinking, i’m in the room of the person i like, and they know that i like them,” he explains. “they know i like them, yet they continue to be so nice to me and keep me in their lives even though we both know it could possibly be better if i did otherwise.” he meets your gaze, searching in your features for a semblance of an answer. “so really, why am i here?”

you shake your head, before your back hits your bed. “you’re gonna make me say it?” you mumble.

and his stomach drops. “yes, i am,” his voice becoming stern.

“it’s because,” you hesitate, hands covering your eyes. kuroo’s heartbeat thrums in his ears, careful eyes watching you frozen in bed. the air remains quiet, and all kuroo can find himself doing is watch, his third confession lingering in the tense air. maybe this one might be the last one, maybe once he hears you turn him down again, he’ll finally give up for good. they always say third time’s the charm, maybe this one will finally get your message into his brain. a sigh leaves your lips, and kuroo swears his body tenses.

“it’s because i like you.”

and kuroo blinks, “you do?”

you immediately sit up. “what do you mean i do? of course i like you.” and he just stares at you. “i never ask you to sleep over,” you explain. “i told myself that if i didn’t tell you how i felt by the end of today, i was going to drop it and never bring it up again. i told myself i would move on and never act on my feelings.” you finally meet his gaze, eyes widening when you see his jaw slack. “what,” you question, voice getting higher. “did i say something wrong?”

“i thought you were going to reject me,” he mumbles rather candidly.

“i could never,” you tell him. “i didn’t even really reject you the second time you confessed. i just said i wasn’t ready for a relationship, not that i didn’t have feelings for you.”

he blinks, “oh.”

“i thought you picked that up,” you sigh.

he runs a hand through his hair, mentally face palming, “honestly, all i remember is that you didn’t stop talking for ten minutes straight.” you sigh, “i mean, seriously, who yaps for that long?”

“someone who doesn’t know how to say yes but also say no,” you mumble.

“you could've said maybe,” he tries. “i could’ve gotten more of a hint then.”

and you can’t help but giggle, sliding off your place in bed to join him back on the floor. you meet his gaze, his eyes still full of disbelief, “tetsu, i like you.”

kuroo swears he’s dreaming for a second.

he blinks, his answer rather instant. “i like you too.”

you reach for his hand, squeezing it. “so, it’ll stick in your head,” you joke poking his head with your other hand before getting back up.

he keeps a tight grip on your hand, pulling you back to the ground. “tetsu?” his hand rests gently on your cheek as he leans forward, adrenaline coursing through him as his lips meet yours. his heart pounds, his thoughts running at a million miles a minute.

but everything seems to slow when you kiss him back, your hands reaching for his cheeks. and for the first time that night, kuroo feels his heartbeat slow.

he pulls away with a small grin. “so it’ll stick now in yours,” he mumbles.

you hesitate for a second, “you know what? i don’t think it’s sticking,” there’s a slight lilt to your voice.

“you don’t?” he questions.

“i don’t,” you nod rather proudly.

kuroo can’t help but shake his head, his grin growing wider by the second. “there’s no harm in trying again.” and this time, you’re the one to pull him in. your hand rests on the back of his neck and you can feel him smile.

third time’s the charm, they always say. luckily, this time, it worked in his favor.

haikyuu 2021/2022 renaissance era frrrr - I haven't written in so long pls be so kind with feedback she's a little rusty lol, but thank you for reading <3

[kairakeiji]

…hi :)

[kairakeiji]

ahh u managed to get taylor tix congrats!!!! also i was wondering which show u will be attending (only if you’re comfortable letting me know 😁) and how long did u have to wait in the queue? i was in the queue for 3 hrs trying to get a ticket for the singapore show but the presale tix were sold out right before it was my turn which was pretty frustrating… and i found out im in the waitlist which isn’t rlly calming nerves considering the amount of ppl who also got waitlisted 😭

omg hi nonnie!!

okay i'm going to one of the shows in the states here *(all i'll say for privacy sake lol) and i had to wait for about an hour and a half in the queue before i could get tickets

no i totally agree the ticketing system was a straight nightmare, five of my friends applied for the presale, including me six, and i was the only one who got in. not to mention ticketmaster kept crashing on me so my sell time was rescheduled (literally had to get my tickets in the middle of my lecture)

i'm so sorry you weren't able to get tix yet, honestly it was such a shitshow here i can't imagine the process elsewhere, but i really hope you get your tickets - idk much about the waitlist process but one of ym friends was on it and she didn't hear back about tickets at all which was so frustrating. i really hope you're able to go tho, the show looks so fun

[pixiecaps]

PLATONIC INTERPRETATIONS OF CHARACTER DYNAMICS ARENT ANY LESS VALID THAN ROMANTIC ONES PELASEE

[kairakeiji]

reckless driver | tartaglia

modern au - they’re driving lol

“you kissed me.”

you only shake your head as childe stares at you, “keep your eyes on the road.”

and he only blinks, “you kissed me.”

so you turn to him. “why aren’t your eyes on the road?” he doesn’t waiver, so you try again, “why are you staring at me?”

his eyes are still on you, absolutely dumbfounded. “at the red light,” he mumbles. “you kissed me, why?”

your eyes leave his the second his lock yours, “you’re going too fast ajax,” you tell him. “please just keep your eyes forward.”

but he doesn’t waiver, “answer my question,”and you can hear a lilt of desparation in his voice. “what did it mean to you?”

“ajax,” you stutter, “what?”

“what do i mean to you?”

and you hesitate, “i don’t know,” before your eyes turn back to the road, “please, just keep your eyes forward. let’s just focus on getting back.”

“you don’t know?”

“i don’t,” you repeat voice becoming more stern before your eyes turn wide. “ajax, the light’s red.”

and his foot slams the breaks, sending you both lunging forward.

“what the hell,” you exclaim. “please, keep your eyes on the road, if you need to talk we can pull over.”

“i know what it mean to me,” ajax cuts in.

and you only sigh, “okay then.”

“ask me.”

“ask you what?”

“what the kiss meant.”

“if i do will you focus on the road?”

and he nods, “yes.”

“okay,” you mumble, stomach beginning to churn. “what did it mean to you?”

“it meant that some part of you feels as i do,” ajax starts as a car honks behind you both, the light unknowingly shifted green. “that some part of you felt spurred enough to do the one thing i’ve always dreamed of,” he continues as he moves forward, eyes now fixed on the road ahead.

“i kissed you,” you mumble to no one in particular.

“yes, you did.”

“do you like me?” you softly question.

he answers not even a beat later, “of course i do.”

you hesitate, “do you love me?”

“yes i do,” he answers before a beat of silence passes. “do you love me?” he asks you.

and all you can do is remain silent.

he turns to you as you continue to avoid his gaze, eyes now fixated on the open road ahead. “do you love me?”

“ajax,” you start. “you said you’d focus on the road.”

he only asks once more, “do you love me?”

“not in the way you want me to.”

now he’s the one who goes silent, breath hitching as he stares into the distance, gaze just barely focused on the still straight ahead on the road. the two of you hit another stop light, neither saying a word before ajax continues on.

you glance at the dashboard as the car’s engine revs louder as he makes a right turn, “you’re speeding up,” you point out.

but he only asks once more, “why did you kiss me?”

“you’re speeding up,” you point once more. “ajax, please slow down.”

he meets your gaze, “because i love you.”

“ajax, you’re going too fast.”

“that kiss meant everything to me.”

you turn to him, meeting his gaze with nothing but desparation in your eyes, “ajax please slow down, please focus we’re going to crash.”

but he only asks you softly, eyes pleading for an answer.

“did it mean nothing to you?”

your eyes turn back to the road, widening when you see what’s ahead. “ajax,” you exclaim, hand urgently hitting the center console. “you gotta stop.”

but his eyes only remain on you, recklessly speeding up as if all he can do is beg you for an answer.

“why did you kiss me? please, just answer”

“ajax st-”

based on reckless driver by lizzy mcalpine :)

thanks for reading! reblogs/interactions are incredibly appreciated <33

[kairakeiji]

when's that suna series coming back? i loved it so much i need more.

silent, sweet, stolen.

when suna thinks of his relationship with you, that’s all that comes to mind: stolen moments, quick interactions, a secret covertly kept from wandering eyes.

he knows why: his fans (despite only being a high schooler for crying out loud), your rival like nature to the masses (the supposed game), but it mostly still was due to your love for the thrill, the rush of hiding, the adrenaline of affection in secret. suna was mostly game for it too, he’d never turn down a chase or a thrill, especially when you were involved.

“i like them.”

well, that was at least until his best friend voiced out his crush for his partner.

“i like yn.”

“it’s about time you admit it,” osamu scoffs sitting down next to his brother.

“you knew?” atsumu laughs.

“of course i did,” osamu answers. “don’t think i don’t catch you staring at them.”

atsumu’s grin grows wider, almost as if he can’t control it. “yeah, and i think they-”

“are you gonna do anything about it?” suna cuts in.

the twins look at suna across the table, his poker face unknowingly beginning to show cracks.

“i mean,” atsumu laughs, “i might ask them out.”

“you will?” osamu’s eyes go wide.

“you might,” suna mumbles, the chopsticks between his fingers now seconds from snapping.

atsumu runs a hand through his hair, “i have no clue if i should. i mean, do you think they like me?”

“they might,” osamu mumbles. “they’ve turned down a lot of people in the past though.”

“they said they weren’t ready for a relationship,” suna adds. “remember that one time that kid from their math class?”

he remembers it well, the pride from you saying no, the way you both snuck up to the roof when no one was looking, the way you kissed him to reassure him before he-

suna blinks, he’s getting off track.

“but what if they are?” osamu tries. “and what if they’re ready for one with atsumu?” he jokes nudging his brother.

“you’re being oddly supportive,” atsumu mumbles.

“well they haven’t dated anyone in awhile, and neither have you,” osamu explains. “i see how you both interact, and besides, there’s no harm in trying.”

a grin appears on atsumu’s face, “you’re right. i think i’ll at least try.”

and suna’s stomach twists.

“try what?”

you stand over suna with a grin on your face as the boys turn to you.

“nothing,” atsumu quickly replies.

your eyes narrow, grin growing wider as you sit down next to suna, “what were you talking about?”

“nothing,” osamu waves off. “how was your class?”

“stupid,” you answer dully before turning to his twin, “what are you trying?”

there’s a slight blush on his face, “it’s really nothing, i’ll tell you later.”

“you better,” you grin.

and suna does a mental facepalm.

“after school then,” atsumu nods.

“sure,” you answer.

and his stomach twists even tighter.

“atsumu,” suna cuts in.

“what’s up?”

“i have something i need to tell you.”

and that gets the attention of the entire table.

“woah,” atsumu’s eyes widen slightly. “you’re never this serious.”

“is it important?” osamu questions.

and suna looks toward you.

“it is.”

your eyes widen as his eyes plead with you.

and you get his question instantly. “are you sure?” you whisper.

“i need to,” he almost begs. “you win, you won.”

“i win,” you mumble.

“you’ll continue to win until the very end if you please, i’ll give up for you any time,” suna confesses. “i just want this game to end.”

“rin,” you sigh.

“we’ll play a billion more,” he tells you, bringing a grin to your face. “just let me lose this one.”

and you nod, “okay,” before turning to the twins now with knit brows and tilted heads. “we have something to tell you.”

“what is it?” atsumu answers almost softly.

suna lets out a breath.

“we’re together.”

kairakeiji renaissance eraa: i'm still a bit rusty lol but i hope you all liked this hehe

thanks so much for reading!! reblogs/interactions are incredibly appreciated <33

[kairakeiji]

i missed UU!! i still reread ur works xx😭💗💗

i missed you too :(( and omg aaah do you really??? that makes me so happy😭

[kairakeiji]

IM GOOD BUT RAAAAAH IMY SM HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??!

i also accidentally deleted my old blog. So we started over. LMAO

aaaah i’m so so glad to hear that!!

i’ve been good!! so so much has happened since i like actually was last on here LMAOOO but noooo 😭😭 tbf tho that fresh start must’ve felt so nice hahah

[kairakeiji]

BAE HI

MAI SHUT UP HI ANGEL HRU??? <3

[kairakeiji]

hi blog

i missed you :)

[kairakeiji]

OMG HI CAL I MISSED U (even tho i see u living ur best life on bereal)

BUB OMG HI BABY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH (no totally living for you and your crochet projects on bereal fr fr)