I had a great time creating art for Hell and Back, an epic stranger things AU by @kaizenkhaos, who is a lovely (and patient!) collaborator. Thank you to the @strangerthingsbigbang mods for organizing this event so well!
I Got Your Love Letters by genesisofrhythm
Art by katimanki
Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Rating: T, 12k words, No Warnings, Tags
Sight: Now I See You by berenwrites
Art by Alduade
Pre-Steddie, Platonic stobin
Rating: T, 26k words, No Warnings, Tags
Wonderstruck by Buckysgrace
Art by floredaqueen
Billy Hargrove/Original Female Character
Rating: E, 25k, Warnings and Tags
Author: @kaizenkhaos
Artist: keziahrain
Beta: Suo
Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Neil Hargrove, Susan Hargrove, Tommy Hagan, Dustin Henderson, Robin Buckley, Carol Perkins, Lucas Sinclair, Erica Sinclair, Eddie Munson, Heather Holloway, Jim Hopper, Max Mayfield,
Relationship(s): Billy Hargrove x Steve Harrington
Warnings: child abuse (emotional), major character death (temporary), suicide, violence depicted on page, mental health issues
Rating: Mature
Additional Tags: Crossover, angst, Temporary Character Deaths, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Suicide, Blood and Violence, Horror, Mental Health Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Abandonment Issues, Medical, Vomiting
Wordcount: 40,443
Summary:
Your mother is a God. Your Father is Satan, and you are the Prince of the Underworld. But your mother is gone and your Father couldn't care less about you. So what are you to do? Escape Hell and go and find her of course.
This is the story of Zagreus (Billy). Born half God, half Devil, the Prince of the Underworld is desperate to find his mother's love and to escape his father's wraith.
It is also the story of an Angel (Steve), down from the Heavens who threatens not only Zagreus' escape but the truce on which all peace is based.
This is the story of either the end of the Beginning or the Beginning of the End...
A forbidden romance and threats of war blooming, Zagreus wants out of Hell and Steve is going to join him. Along the way, they will find out more about each other and how Steve ended up in Hell in the first place.
A crossover of Stranger Things, Good Omens and Hades the video game, this story features a cast of characters both familiar and different and follows part of the story of Hades the video game with a bit of a twist.
Hell and Back by kaizenkhaos
art by keziahrain
Author's note: A big shout out and thank you to my wonderful artist keziahrain and my beta reader Suo.
So for the past few months I've been beavering away on my Stranger Things Big Bang fic and it is now live :D thanks so much to the admin and everyone involved in @strangerthingsbigbang, it's been a great event to be involved with :D
Thanks so much to the amazing @keziahrainalso for the fantastic Header art work and the art work in Chapter 2 and the wonderful @suometar for being a most excellent beta reader and making me a better writer in the process. Couldn't have done this without you both, it was an honour and pleasure to work with you both.
I'd love to hear any feedback on my story if you do read it :D
Hidden Treasure by Medusapelagia
Art by Mothellie and Arbed’s Ghost
Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson
Rating: E, 64k words, Warnings and Tags
just one time maybe the stars align by DotyTakeThisDown
Art by kaspurrcat
Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson
Rating: E, 14k words, No Warnings. Tags
Catching up on Tags: Nine People I'd like to get to know
Thanks so much to @medusapelagia for tagging me in the Nine People I'd like to get to know Better challenge. Also, congratulations on celebrating your 7th anniversary!
At the moment I'm just trying to ease myself back into Tumblr after a brief absence, so I'm not gonna tag anyone this time. But if anyone wants to do this challenge, then consider yourself tagged and please tag me in your post :D I'd love to see them!
Last song I listened to: Die Tomorrow - 2022 Rerelease by Lord of the Lost
Currently Watching: Games Done Quick VODs on Youtube
Sweet/Savory/Spicy?: Sweet for sure (fun fact: spicy food is not my food, especially at the moment)
Relationship Status: 12 years and counting <3
Current Obsession: Graphic Novels (namely, Fence :D)
I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of rape or murder or misinformed mental illness.
So you know what? From now on I’m gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started:
Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone’s player characters (and their family) by the end.
The Walking Dead is actually a bunch of kids playing zombie apocalypse in their neighborhood and every time someone “dies,” it’s because their parents called them home for supper.
Breaking Bad is actually just a fanfic the students in Mr. White’s class write about him because no one has any idea what he does with his free time and the running jokes about it got wildly out of hand.
A change in or sudden presence or absence of milk in one breast when that wasn’t normal before
A non-mobile lump deep in the breast is more likely breast cancer than one that is mobile (a “breast mouse”, because it runs away from the fingers, is less likely to be dangerous)
Changes to the skin of the breast are never good
If you naturally have inverted nipples, a sudden popping OUT of the nipple can also be bad
Changes that are equal across both breasts are unlikely to be breast cancer
"It took me TWO years to finish this sketch book!" Well that's cuz you're not fuckin sketching. Those are fully painted pieces dawg that's a renderedbook. I've gone through four sketchbooks in my off time this year alone I just draw stupid faces and shit for fun. pussy up like the rest of us and start drawing stick figures with guns
I can't express how damaging this has been to young artists.
Of the many things I struggled to explain to my students "Your sketch book is mainly for practicing techniques, practicing new things, NOTES, and dumb doodles that come to your mind that can inspire you later or help lead you to a good idea. It is NOT where you draw you final pieces. Please kill that darling," is pretty high on the list.
I legit started calling it a "first draft" book to activate prior knowledge from English because influences have destroyed the concept of sketchbooks.
I wanted to share some more of these, specifically trans women of color. The images I'm posting are from a project called To Survive On This Shore and it's an interview project. I am only posting a handful so it's so worth checking out!
This is Linda, 60
Alexis, 64
Helena, 63
Kendrah, 72 (!!)
Tasha, 65
It was deeply healing to me to discover this project. The site has selected photos and attached interviews and it's definitely worth your time. I didn't include any because the focus of this post imo is transfems but there are a lot of beautiful interviews with transmasc people too if you're interested! But that'll have to be another post 💖
This is my contribution to the Harringrove Relay Race!
@harringrove-relay-race
Summary: Can coming back to Hawkins to marry ruin everything for Steve Harrington? The wedding is in less than 24 hours...
Rating: G
TW: marriage
WC 2872
Ao3
“It’s me, or is it incredibly hot here?” panted Steve, widening the collar of the shirt.
The fitter grunted and adjusted the tie again.
“It’s you,” said Robin, smoothing his black and white suit with bow tie.
“I think I’m gonna puke,” continued Steve.
“Not here,” barked the fitter, adjusting the waist of the trousers.
Steve was sweating profusely, and the man wasn’t happy he was doing it in the wedding suit.
“It’s… so tight…” whined Steve.
“It fits perfectly,” replied Robin, taking off her jacket and changing herself behind the screen. Steve tried to look at himself in the mirror: he was on the stand, slouching, uncombed and pale. He tried to straighten himself out, fixing up his hair and imagining himself walking down the aisle in the suit. He couldn’t.
He dropped the jacket two times trying to take it off, and the tailor rolled his eyes. The shirt was wet from sweat and thank God it was only a sample.
“What is going on?” Asked Robin when they left the shop with the suits in their bags. “Second thoughts?”
Steve sighing loudly, passing a hand on his eyes. “I… I don’t know. I… what if it’s all wrong?”
“What is wrong, Steve? I’m your best man and I’m here to help, come on… do you want to call the thing off?”
Steve sat in the car. “No! No, of course, I’m just thinking… what if… what if everything changes from now on? What if…”
“What could change, Steve? You are together for years, now, you know each other… and as long as I know, you proposed”.
Steve pursed his lips and nodded. “I know… but if it is not what we wanted? Maybe we shouldn’t do it here…”
“Oh I understand, the problem is Hawkins? I thought you decided to come back to marry here, in the garden and so on, you know, your parents, bla bla bla…”
“Yes, maybe we should have done it privately… get wed in Vegas, you know… avoiding… avoiding people here…”
“Steve, the wedding is tomorrow… it’s normal to be scared… so they say, I don’t know it…” Robin giggled but her jokes didn’t relieve Steve at the moment. “Steve, I can manage if you want to…”
“No, I don’t want to cancel… I think I don’t want it… but… what if I feel like running away tomorrow? What if… it is all a big mistake?”
“It isn’t a mistake. You two love each other. You two love each other, right?” Robin's voice trembled a little. Of course Steve was scared, but why now out of nowhere he thought it could be a mistake? He always wanted a wedding and a family, she knew. It was the natural avancement she expected in his friend’s life, but… now she wasn’t sure returning to Hawkins had been a good thing for him.
And the wedding was in twenty-three hours.
-------
“I think I’m gonna throw up, Max”.
Max hid her face behind her hands and tried to breathe. She wanted to scream.
“Just go and see him, for Christ sake!”
“I can’t!” whined Billy, walking in a circle in the room. “I can’t ruin everything for him… you know…”
“But if you feel so bad…”
“I can’t!”
Max looked at the window not far away and considered that if put an end to her misery, but the room was only on the first floor, it wouldn’t work.
She tried to breathe again, rubbing her eyes. Both she and her brother were really quick tempered, but it wasn’t the moment to start a fight, although she really, really wanted to yell at him and maybe get some steam off from each other. But in that case it could have a terrible flood effect. All she had to do was keep Billy out of trouble for a day more. Hopefully she could put him to sleep early and have some hours of relaxation.
“So what do you want to do?” she asked carefully, hoping not to unleash another nervous breakdown. It worked only partially.
“I don’t know!” whimpered Billy, squatting on the floor with his face in his hands. “I’m… I’m such a mess, Max! Look at me!”
Max didn’t see anything wrong in Billy’s aspect. He was in his sweatpants, his hair messy as usual, that studied messy that made him appear really hot, and a pink crop top he wore a lot in the Indiana summer. It was quite old, but the matching tan mark made her believe he used it in California too.
“You look fine, if only you stop agitating and try…”
“No, I’m not in the mood… I’ll ruin it. I’ll ruin everything, Max!”
God in heavens. She needed to get her hair done and go picking the dress, but she couldn’t leave Billy in the throes of anxiety. Or could she?
“Why don’t you go and see him, if it could help you to…”
Billy whined. “No… I promised to behave… I can’t ruin everything… It's just one day before the wedding!”
“But you can…”
“Why did he have to return here for the wedding!”
“But I thought…”
“And if I run in the wedding tomorrow screaming like crazy and run away with him and ruin everything? Oh God!” Billy curled on the floor, keeping whining and babbling. “Enough, Billy,” Max sighed, trying to be firm, for a change. “You know what? Now you take a shower, put some decent pants on and we’ll go together to the hairdresser, ok? We’ll do our hair, our nails and you try to relax, ok? Then we’ll come home, order chinese and watch the Disney movie you want, ok?”
Billy stood from the floor, smiling lightly. “Could it be sushi? Chinese makes me bloated”.
Max grinned and nodded. Twenty-one hours to the wedding, girl, you can make it.
She gulped a shot of tequila while Billy was in the shower.
----------
Robin managed to make Steve take a nap, while she went to the beauty parlor. In the parking lot, when she was leaving, she saw Billy and Max at the other side parking and entered the same saloon, and she sighed. Billy seemed as messy as Steve earlier, and she clenched her teeth. Twenty hours. She returned to Steve’s house, woke him up and they had a light dinner, that Steve should skip to pass directly to the shots, but Robin was trying to avoid a hangover groom the next morning.
“Ehi Robin, why don’t we have my bachelor party now?”
“We had your bachelor party three weeks ago, remember? Vegas? Dolly Parton’s show?”
She bit her lips. She shouldn’t name Vegas, Steve was babbling they should run there to get married alone, and his eyes became a little glossy.
“Ok, my bad… well I don’t think a couple drinks are a bad thing. But only a couple! Promise!”
Steve smiled lightly. “Pinky promise. I won’t get drunk and I won’t get in trouble”.
---------
“See? I said that having your hair and beard done will calm you down”, said nervously Max at home, while Billy kept turning his head right and left examining every millimeter of his face.
“It’s acceptable,” he grunted, but he was visibly satisfied. He was pretty and hot and he knew.
They had the sushi but he didn’t feel like watching The Little Mermaid once again.
“Why don’t we go for a stroll instead? To the club, maybe?”
“I don’t think you should get drunk, Billy, honestly”.
Billy joined his hands.
“I won’t drink, I promise. Just a Coke, I swear. I need something fresh”.
“We have Coke at home,” she teased, feeling she needed two days of sleep after going through Billy all day.
“I need fresh air,” insisted Billy.
“Why are you punishing me, God,” she muttered while taking her jacket.
Fortunately it was early and the club wasn’t crowded or loud. Billy grinned ordering a Diet Coke and she sighed and nodded. They sipped their drinks in silence, Billy appeared calmer than in the afternoon, and Max thought he had accepted the idea, and the worst was over. Hopefully next morning he wouldn’t have those negative thoughts anymore.
She excused herself and went to the bathroom. She spent a little time looking at her freshly styled hair, and when she returned to the bar, Billy’s stoll was empty.
---------
Steve ordered a margarita, then he wanted another one but Robin forced him to take a skinny one. Steve sighed and obeyed. He drank obediently, finally relaxed in some way, talking about the charcuterie aisle and the catering for the party. Then Robin's mobile rang.
“Shit, it’s the wedding planner. I have to take it”, she got on her feet to leave the club. “You’ll be ok for a couple of minutes?”
Steve smiled. “Of course, I’m not a baby,” he answered, grumbling a little.
Robin went out, and, after sorting a minor problem with the boutonniere that apparently couldn’t wait for the next morning, rentuned to an empty table.
------
Steve felt bored by the soft drink and shifted his gaze in the room. It was almost empty when they came, but now after more than a hour, it was more crowded. He lazily looked at the bar and jumped on his seat.
“Shit”.
“Shit,” whispered Billy, seeing out of the blue Steve seated on the table at the farest side of the club.
He didn’t imagine they could bump into each other in that way, but Hawkins was a hole, a cursed one, but still a tiny hole and they couldn’t avoid each other for long, not now that their guard dogs let their guard down.
Steve took a big breath and stood up, waving at him. Billy looked around and left the stall at the bar, joining Harrington. They were seated a little agitated in a dark corner.
“So,” started Steve with a trembling voice. “You here, too”.
“Yes… so…” Billy smiled slyly. “I heard you’re getting married tomorrow…”
Steve looked him in the eyes, directly. “Yes… and I’m alone, I don’t supposed to see the bride until the wedding, tomorrow”, he whispered.
“Too bad,” Billy got nearer, staring at Steve’s lips. “Why not?”
“Oh, it’s bad luck, you know. It’s tradition…” he was breathing heavily, following the freshly trimmed profile of Billy’s beard, feeling all the nerves of that afternoon sliding away from him.
Billy slipped a hand on his thigh. “It has to be difficult… I mean… separated from the love of your life… so hard…”
Steve grinned, but after a moment flinched a little and lowered his eyes. He felt Billy’s hand, heavy, on his leg.
“You aren't supposed to be there… You aren't supposed to do this…” he whispered.
“I know,” Billy bent over him and kissed him. Steve loosened himself up and closed his eyes, melting in the kiss.
Both their hearts were beating like drums. Billy separated and looked Steve in the eyes, and Steve nodded; they took each other's hands and ran into the gentlemen's bathroom, crashing together against the wall.
-------
“What the heck, where were you!” hissed Max when Billy emerged from the bathroom, looking furtively behind him and nodding, and returned to the bar.
He cleared his throat. She noticed that his lips were a little more swollen and red than before, but she wasn’t sure. She also noticed, just in the instant Billy took his jacket and put it on, that he had his shirt badly buttoned and he had a dark pink circle on his collarbone.
“I had to go to the bathroom,” he shrugged, turning his back to her to hide the clues. “You know, the sushi and all…”
“Gross!” she shouted, and she took her purse to go away.
Steve nodded in return when Billy left the bathroom. He waited a couple of minutes and left it too, trying to act nonchalantly.
Robin was at the table with his drink completely melted, and luckily she couldn’t see Max and Billy leaving. He raised his eyes and lightly nodded at Billy’s wink.
He tried to smile at Robin, but she immediately noticed his polo upside down and widened her eyes.
Steve blushed entirely and his upper lips trembled.
“Robin. I messed up”.
Robin sighed, covering her face with her hands. Sixteen hours to the wedding.
-------
“I’ll have to go, Billy, you sure you’ll be ok?” Max yelled to him from downstairs. She hoped she wouldn't have to go upstairs, because Billy was blasting his metal as usual.
Billy looked at himself in the mirror, adjusting a lock on his forehead. He put some of his great occasion colony on his wrists and inside his pants too, then lit a cig blowing the smoke to the mirror, winking to himself.
He smiled looking at the perfect fit of his pants, then sent a little kiss to himself again.
He turned off the stereo and went to the bedroom’s door.
“Ok!” he yelled in return, listening to Sinclair and Max voices and then their car leaving.
“Showtime,” he whispered to himself fifteen minutes later, clinking his keys and starting the Camaro.
---------
Robin was shifting her weight from foot to floor at Steve’s side, really nervous. She felt really comfortable in her smoking, and Steve was absolutely stunning in his dark gray suit with the blue tie, that matched the color of the ocean blue decorations. Max and Jane wore the same blue and they’re glowing with happiness.
Everything seemed perfect under the canopy in Steve’s back garden, his parents were perfect too, Hopper, Joyce and the party sat on the white chairs in the grass and the sky was perfectly clear.
But she was nervous. She wasn’t sure that a disaster wasn’t on its way, and she was trying to spot it as soon as possible.
“Calm down,” whispered Steve, bothered by her wiggling. “I should be nervous, not you”.
“You tortured me all day yesterday, and now I’m annoying you?” she hissed, a little drop of sweat running on her forehead.
The noise of the Camaro got louder and louder and finally the car stopped at the end of the driveway, just near the last line of seats.
All the guests rumbled, looking at each other and standing all together.
Robin breathed loudly. “About time,” feeling Steve gasping and stiffening and she drew herself up at his side. They turned, facing the car.
Billy came out of the car, in a white suit with a blue tie bow on a black shirt. He adjusted it and took a big breath walking down the path until the canopy, tilting his head and smiling at the guests on his way. He sometimes looked furtively at Steve and hoped not to blush too much.
Billy winked to Max, who had been tense until that moment; she knew he wanted to do his great entrance alone, but she offered earlier that morning to go together.
“No, go with Sinclair. I will not flee”.
Steve was breathing faster. and smiling like an idiot. “You see”, he whispered to Robin.
“I can walk you if you want”.
“No, nobody will give me away, I’ll give away myself alone,” he winked one last time.
When Billy reached them, Robin went to hug and kiss him on both cheeks.
“Finally you make it”, she rambled in a whisper.
“You got the rings?” giggled Billy.
“Of course. And what about not seeing each other the day before?”
“I don’t think it was bad luck, I had a good one”.
Robin blushed and pinched him on his arm, then pulled him gently to Steve.
“You came”, said Steve, blissed, looking at his soon-to-be-husband.
“I came last night too,” Billy answered in a sough, kissing him on the cheek.
“You are impossible,” Steve cocked his head.
They took each other's hand, their handcuffs shined at the afternoon sun; baseball bats, for Billy, orcas for Steve.
They turned to the celebrant while the guest sat down again. They thought that maybe it had been better to get married in California, where they lived, or secretly in Vegas, but it was just the nerves of the day before. They were exactly where they needed to be.
Robin blinked furiously the tears away when she passed the rings to them.
“I do”, said Steve putting on the wedding ring at Billy’s finger.
“I do,” Billy did the same.
“You can kiss your husband”.
Robin clapped and cried, Max hugged Jane and Lucas.
Billy grabbed his husband’s hand and kissed the shiny new ring on it.
“So, bad luck, husband?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking about. I’ll never pass another day far from you”.
“I hope so,” smiled Billy. “I hope so”.
Thank for having me here and thanks to @dragonflylady77 for preceding me!
I had that stupid silly idea in mind for a long time and I hope you enjoy it!
I am so proud to introduce the amazing Suo @camaro-and-smokes and I'm really looking forwards for all the works in this event!
Hiiiiiiiii!! This fic was so much fun to write. I hope you enjoy it!
This is my contribution to the @harringrove-relay-race
Roommates AU, Idiots in love | Rating: Teen | 5.1k
On Ao3
Billy's been in love with Steve since about twelve seconds after they met the day Billy moved into the dorms... Once they both graduated, they found jobs and an apartment.
Sharing a space with Steve is both the best and the most frustrating thing in Billy’s life.
Because Billy is completely and hopelessly in love with Steve.
Because Steve has no idea.
Because Steve is straight.
Billy closes the front door behind him with a relieved sigh. He dumps his keys in the bowl on the sideboard and toes off his shoes.
Today sucked. As if sleeping through his alarm and spilling his coffee on his clean shirt wasn’t enough, he missed the bus and was late for work. Then it just kept getting worse, work was endlessly piling up on his desk, his favorite lunch spot was closed, he dropped sauce on his pants. That was followed by an afternoon of playing phone tag with a couple of suppliers and to top it all off, it started raining on his walk home from the bus stop.
He strips down to his boxers, dumps his clothes in a wet pile on the bathroom floor and turns the shower on before getting a towel from the hallway cupboard.
He stops when he hears Steve’s voice. It’s unexpected because Billy is pretty sure Steve had a day shift today. He sounds angry but Billy can’t hear another voice so he must be on the phone.
“No, thank you, I’ve heard quite enough… Oh, yes, I’m sure… Whatever, dickhead… Uh huh… Yeah, have a nice life.”
Footsteps get closer and the door to Steve’s room opens before Billy has a chance to disappear into the bathroom.
Steve looks like he’s been crying, his eyes red, his cheeks blotchy, and he’s still wearing his teal scrubs.
“Oh, Billy. Hi. Didn’t realize you were home,” Steve says, startled.
“You okay, pretty boy? Do I need to break someone’s legs?” Billy feels a bit awkward standing there in his boxers, holding a towel to his chest. Exposed. He notices Steve’s gaze taking in his state of undress and it warms something in his chest. A spark of hope he quickly extinguishes.
He’s been in love with Steve since about twelve seconds after they met the day Billy moved into the dorms. Alphabet buddies, roommates and then best friends. Moving from the dorms to an apartment after they both got their degrees and found jobs seemed like a natural progression, splitting the rent and everything else. Sharing a space with Steve is both the best and the most frustrating thing in Billy’s life.
Because Billy is completely and hopelessly in love with Steve.
Because Steve has no idea.
Because Steve is straight.
Billy brings his focus back on Steve and the current crisis.
“What happened to you?” Steve asks, his hand gesturing vaguely towards Billy’s hair, his curls dripping down his chest.
“Started pissing down on my way home from the fucking bus. Then a car drove through a puddle a bit too close to the sidewalk and I got drenched.”
“Sounds like we both had shitty days.”
“You have no idea.” Billy just wants to have a hot shower and forget today happened.
“Wanna order in and watch Justified?”
“Sounds good, Stevie.” With a grin and a nod, Billy heads to the bathroom. The hopeful part of him likes to imagine Steve is staring at his ass but he doesn’t turn around to check. The bathroom is full of steam when he steps in the shower and he lets the hot water wash away his bad mood.
*****
Steve is sat on the couch, Billy on a cushion on the floor in front of him, the empty pizza boxes discarded on the coffee table, three sad looking pieces of garlic bread left in one of them. Steve is combing curl serum into Billy’s still damp curls with his fingers. He doesn’t remember exactly how long since he started doing this for Billy, it was sometime in their second year in college, but it’s become a calming activity for both of them on bad days.
Justified is playing on the TV, Steve doesn’t know how many times they’ve watched it over the years but it’s their go-to comfort show. No matter what happens at work, Steve knows that Billy will be there when he gets home to cheer him up with take-out, beer and their favorite Deputy US Marshal.
“Hey, Stevie?” Billy asks from his spot on the floor.
“Yeah?” Steve grabs the towel he left on the armrest to wipe his hands then he pats Billy’s shoulder twice to indicate he’s done. Billy moves up to sit on the couch, sprawling next to Steve, his toes wedging under Steve’s thigh.
“Ava or Winona?”
“Um… Gosh, I don’t know.” It’s been a while since they played the pick one game. Usually the choices are equally ghastly and the game ends in fits of laughter.
“Come on, just pick one.”
“I’m thinking!” Steve looks at the screen. They’re somewhere in season two, Winona and Raylan are tentatively dating and Boyd is boarding at Ava’s house. He thinks about both women and their motivations. “Ava.”
Billy lets out a low whistle. “Well, pretty boy, color me surprised.”
“Why? She takes no shit, rolls with the punches and adapts, and she’s very resourceful. Reminds me a bit of you actually.”
“Aww, Stevie.”
“It’s true.” Steve shrugs. “You got away from Neil and built a good life for yourself. Now we just need to find you a man.”
And maybe, just maybe, that man could be me.
The thought hits Steve and he freezes. He blames seeing Billy in his underwear earlier for the stray thought. He’s been doing so good ignoring them but it’s getting trickier, especially on nights like tonight when they’re both very tactile and domestic.
He got tired of telling Robin that Billy is his roommate and not his boyfriend, but it seems the more he answered her never-ending questions, the more she was comforted in the idea. It forced Steve to take stock of all the stray thoughts about Billy he’s been ignoring for, well, years, and untangle them all to realize something major about his identity. And his feelings. Something he has yet to share with Billy.
He’s not sure why he still hasn’t told Billy he’s bisexual. Every shift he’s had with Robin in the past few months, and every time they’ve seen each other outside the hospital, she’s asked him if he’d done it yet. He knows he should tell him, Billy is his best friend after all. But Steve isn’t sure he’s ready to rock the boat. Just because Billy is gay, doesn’t mean he’d be into Steve. And Steve would rather live with Billy as things are, than go through life without him, nursing a broken heart.
“Oh god, not you too,” Billy laughs as he kicks Steve’s thigh. “Heather is constantly on my ass about dating again and I am not interested.”
It’s a nice ass , Steve thinks, feeling his face heat up and hoping Billy doesn’t notice.
*****
It’s been a couple of weeks since Billy came home soaked to the bone and overheard the end of Steve’s phone call. Steve hasn’t mentioned anything but he’s been home more so Billy wonders if that means Steve is single again.
He was clearly dating someone before, even though Billy never got to meet whoever that was, which, weird. Steve tends to bring the women he dates to Friday night drinks with their group of friends, once they’ve made it past the three months mark.
They’ve taken to cooking dinner together when Steve is not working the night shift, and it’s really nice. Billy enjoys the close contact and the banter as they chop and dice and sauté. He misses it when Steve has a night shift, and always makes sure Steve has a plate of leftovers waiting for him in the fridge when he gets home.
Heather has been trying to talk him into going on a blind date with some guy her girlfriend knows. Billy told her he would if she let him meet said girlfriend, because they’ve been going out for months and Billy still knows nothing about the mystery woman. So far Heather hasn’t given up any information so Billy remains blissfully dateless.
He’s not interested anyway. He knows he should try and move on from his crush on Steve, but it’s hard to do when they live together, and he is not prepared to not have Steve in his life.
“You started without me.”
Billy turns around from the sink where he’s washing the vegetables for tonight’s stir fry. Steve is standing in the doorway, wearing Billy’s old UCLA hoodie and carrying a shopping bag. He looks tired. Billy smiles.
“Hey, Stevie, I wasn’t sure when you were coming home and you didn’t text. Sorry.” He nods towards the chopping board on the counter. “You can chop the chicken if you want.”
“Need to get changed first. I’ll be right back.”
They settle into their routine, working together to cook their meal, knowing what needs doing without having to talk about it. Once they’re sitting down on the couch with their food, and a drink, Billy puts Justified on.
“How was your day?” Steve asks and Billy shrugs.
“Tommy was his usual obnoxious self, Heather still won’t tell me anything about her girlfriend and the taco truck I like was back on our street. You?”
“Slept in, had lunch with Robin, we’re both on nights for the rest of the week, so that’s nice, makes it easier.”
“You were home late,” Billy remarks. He missed Steve, okay? Sue him.
“Sorry, should have texted you to let you know. We had lunch at that Japanese restaurant Robin never shuts up about, then she dragged me to the mall to find a present for her girlfriend for their six month anniversary and I had to talk her out of getting a kitten.”
“Oh my god!”
“Uh huh, then she tried to convince me a pet rabbit was the best idea ever.”
“Wow. Glad you were there to stop her. What did she get in the end?”
“Oh well, she walked into Victoria’s Secrets and I told her I was leaving.”
Billy laughs. “I thought you liked that shop. You were always there when you were dating that girl last year.”
Steve blushes. “That was different. I didn’t feel right discussing undergarments about my friend’s secret girlfriend!”
Not for the first time, Billy wonders about the odds of their friends both having a secret girlfriend, and if, maybe, Heather and Robin are dating each other. He told Steve about his theory and they paid attention during Friday night drinks but the two women didn’t even sit next to each other or interact all that much. Either they weren’t dating or they were really good at acting.
“Fair enough.” Billy puts his empty bowl on the floor and stretches. His t-shirt rides up, exposing a sliver of his belly and Steve’s eyes follow the motion. Billy tells himself it doesn’t mean anything, Steve is just reacting to the movement.
“Anyway, she decided to go back another time, and we found a coffee shop because I needed some caffeine after being at the mall for so long. And that’s when she ambushed me.”
“What do you mean, pretty boy? How did she ambush you?” Billy is confused. He turns around to face Steve, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
“She asked about Sam and when I said we broke up a couple of weeks ago, she tried to convince me to agree to go on a date with someone she reckons is perfect for me.” Steve sighs.
Billy’s fingers dig into his calves. So he was right, and Steve is single. And now he knows the name of the girl Steve was dating. Not for the first time, he wonders if that’s who Steve was on the phone with that night it rained so much. Steve called whoever a dickhead, an insult typically thrown at males, so maybe not.
“What did you say?” The idea of Steve going on a date with someone who isn’t him makes him want to puke.
“Told her it was too soon.”
All Billy hears is that Steve didn’t say no. And really, he has no reason to say no to Robin. Suddenly Billy can’t be in the same room.
“Sorry, gonna head to bed, long day tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” Steve looks at him part surprised, part sad, making Billy’s heart squeeze in his chest.
He needs to get out of here.
***
Steve can’t shake the feeling that Billy is avoiding him. For the past three weeks, Steve’s dinner has been waiting for him when he gets home from a day shift. Every time there is a note from Billy stuck to the fridge, saying he is out with Heather or in his room with a headache or other vaguely believable reasons. And Billy always seems to be on his way out whenever Steve gets up before a night shift.
It’s starting to piss him off. He has no idea what sparked the change. And he hasn’t seen Billy in person long enough to ask him. Last night, Billy was blasting Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've) by the Buzzcocks, making Steve wonder if Billy had been seeing someone and it ended badly. The music was so loud that Billy didn’t even hear Steve knock on his door.
Maybe tonight will be the night they can sort it out. Steve is running late for Friday night drinks with their group of friends because he had to process a patient right before clocking out.
When he gets to The Upside Down, everyone is already there and Billy is in a corner with Heather, talking animatedly. They stop when they notice Steve has arrived.
Once again, Steve wonders what the fuck is going on with Billy, and why he won't talk to him about it.
“Hey, dingus!” Robin hands him a beer as he sits down next to her. “Was starting to think you weren’t coming.”
“Got delayed at work and had to stop at home first,” Steve says, taking a sip, eyes on Billy who is looking at his drink. “What did I miss?”
“Heather and Billy bitching about Tommy, mostly,” Robin replies with a shrug.
“We have news,” Nancy says, from where she’s sitting with Jonathan across the table, gathering everyone’s attention. “I, um, I got the job at the New York Times so we’ll be moving in the next month or two.”
The whole table erupts in happy shouts of congratulations. Steve feels a short pang of nostalgia at the thought that the dynamics of their group of friends will change, losing two of its core members. And now he’s worried about losing Billy on top of that.
“You okay, Stevie?” Robin asks, nudging him gently with her elbow and Steve sighs.
“Yeah… just… tired.” He keeps glancing at Billy, who is avoiding eye contact.
“Uh huh. Come help me get the next round,” she says, standing and looking at him expectantly.
Steve gets up and follows Robin to the bar, dreading the conversation he knows he’s coming.
Robin doesn’t waste any time once they get away from the table. “You told him yet?”
“Told who what?” Steve retorts, aware that his reply won’t fly with Robin. He wants to turn around to see if Billy is looking but resists the urge.
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend you don’t know exactly what I mean,” she says, grabbing his wrist to get his attention. “You need to tell him how you feel.”
“Why?” Steve doesn’t see why he can’t keep secretly crushing on his best friend and roommate, instead of upsetting the status quo and risking everything. But then, the way Billy has been avoiding him makes him dread the day he’ll come home from a shift at the hospital and Billy will be gone, leaving behind a note, if he’s lucky.
“Because that man has been gone on you for freaking years and you’ve been too blind to see it. And because he, at the very least, needs to know you’re not as straight as he believes you to be.” Robin squeezes his hand. “And if you won’t, then you need to find a way to move on and let him go.”
“Rob…” Steve’s heart squeezes painfully at the thought and something heavy settles in his gut.
“You can’t keep going like this, sweetie. You deserve to be happy. You both do.”
Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Robin is right. He can’t live like this. He needs to do something . “Fine.”
“Fine what?”
“Set me up on that stupid date with that guy you think is so perfect for me.”
Robin stares at him for a long time before she speaks. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
Steve shrugs. “Sounds better than losing my best friend when he inevitably turns me down.”
*****
Billy needs to get out before he punches a hole in the wall.
He was having a drink before he got started on dinner prep when Steve woke up after his night shift and sprung the news on him that he was going out. On a fucking date . It took all of Billy’s control to not hurl his beer bottle at the wall.
Now Steve is getting ready and Billy locked himself in his room, pacing and trying not to scream. If Steve brings the girl home at the end of their date, Billy might have to throw himself out of the window.
He grabs his phone and texts Heather.
hank, you busy
need to get out of here
steve going on a fucking date
why is this happening to me
the universe hates me
hank
holloway
heather
come on
i need you
please hank
i’ll jump out the window
Billy regrets having quit smoking because he’d kill for a cigarette, if only for something to do with his hands that’s not serial texting Heather or punching his pillow because he can’t make holes in the wall and risk losing the security deposit.
OMFG Blondie, calm your tits!
don’t tell me to calm down what if he brings his date home
i can’t do this i’ll pack a bag and move out while steve’s on his date
Jesus Fucking Christ, William.
First of all, you live on the first floor, so you’re unlikely to do much damage to yourself if you jump out the window.
you underestimate how much i can do out of spite
I would laugh at you so much before I called the ambulance.
you’re supposed to be my friend and you’re making fun of my pain
Ugh. Seriously, Billy, I’m out on a date with my girlfriend right now.
everyone is on a fucking date fine let me die alone
I swear to God, you are such a drama queen.
We’re at Enzo’s, come over, I’ll buy you a drink and you can crash my date, I guess.
oh so now i’m good enough to meet your girlfriend
steve just left i heard the door
Wear something nice.
why
Because Enzo’s is a nice place and they won’t let you in if you’re wearing your sweatpants and your ratty Scorpions t-shirt.
Clean button down and your nice jacket, if you please.
heather
William.
ugh fine
gonna have a quick shower first
If you must. Want me to get you an Uber? 20 mins?
yes please
thank you hank
love you
Love you too, Blondie.
Billy takes a quick shower and speeds through his hair care routine before putting on the clothes Heather requested. He’s ready and outside a couple of minutes before the car Heather ordered for him arrives.
He tries not to think about Steve and his date and attempts to distract himself by doom scrolling on Instagram. Steve posted a photo of a candle on a white table cloth in his stories. On the verge of tears, Billy closes the app and puts his phone in his pocket.
Heather is waiting for him outside the restaurant and hugs him as soon as he steps out of the Uber.
“You clean up good, Blondie.”
“Fuck off,” Billy says, but there’s no anger in it. He feels drained and heartbroken. Steve is wining and dining some chick and Billy wants to cry. He’s glad Max is away, cycling the length of New Zealand with Lucas, because there’s no way he could take her ‘I told you so’ right now.
“Come on. I’ll introduce you to my girlfriend.” Heather leads them through the doors and past the maître d’. Billy looks ahead and something clicks when he spots Robin in a booth at the back of the room. Someone is sitting across from her but he can’t see who yet because they have their back to the room.
“I knew it.”
“What?” Heather asks, glancing back at him for a second without stopping.
“You and Robin.”
Heather stops then and turns to face him. “What do you mean, you knew? You never said.”
“Both of you saying you have a mystery girlfriend you don’t wanna talk about? That no one can meet or know anything about?” Billy shrugs and manages a small smile. “I’m happy for you, but I don’t get why you felt you had to hide it.”
“Sorry. It was nice to keep it to just the two of us at first and then we weren’t sure how to tell everyone. Then it kinda became a game to see how long it would take you guys to notice and say something.”
Billy nods towards the booth where Robin is sitting. “Looks like I’m not the only one crashing your date night.”
“Oh,” Heather says, with a smile that Billy recognizes, it’s the one meaning she’s up to no good. “That’s your date.”
***
Steve is getting really frustrated with Robin. They’ve been sitting at Enzo’s for over twenty minutes and she still hasn’t told him anything about this mystery person she set him up with. She said her girlfriend is waiting outside to bring them in and encouraged Steve to enjoy his rum and coke and the complimentary breadsticks.
“Oh,” he hears a familiar voice say behind him, “that’s your date.”
He turns around and freezes on the spot, his hand gripping the table for support. Heather. Robin’s girlfriend is Heather . He remembers having many discussions about it with Billy but they could never decide whether the two were actually together or not.
There’s movement behind Heather and someone steps out beside her. Steve’s heart skips a beat. It’s Billy. He’s wearing that dark red button-down shirt that looks so good on him and his nice jacket. Steve feels his heart rate speed up.
Billy looks as confused as he does so Steve turns back to Robin. “Robin... What…what’s going on?”
“Well, Stevie, I told you that my girlfriend knew someone who’s perfect for you,” Robin says with a satisfied grin and Steve wants to shake her until she explains. He puts his hands on his thighs and squeezes them into fists.
This is not happening.
“What the fuck do you mean, Harrington is my date? He’s the one who’s on a date, Hank, not me.”
Hearing Billy refer to him by his last name hurts, like a knife through the heart. He hasn’t done that since the first months they lived in the dorms back in college, before they became friends. Steve never expected their friendship to end in a fancy restaurant in front of an audience but apparently this is happening now and there is nothing he can do about it.
Heather shoves Billy forward and Robin gets out of the bench seat so Billy can sit there instead. He does so only after Heather glares at him and Steve takes a closer look at him. Billy still won’t make eye contact with him and Steve can tell he’s clenching his jaw, like he does when he’s angry or frustrated. Before either of them can say anything, Heather puts both hands on the table and looks at each of them in turn.
“Both of you, shut it and listen,” she starts, Robin standing by her side, looking resolute.
“Hank—” Billy starts, shutting up when Heather lifts one eyebrow and gives him a withering look.
“No. This has gone on for far too long. I know it’s bad form to out someone but needs must. Billy, honey, Bambi here is not as straight as you think. I am not sure why he hasn’t told you yet, but I know that Robin has been on his case about it for ages. And you,” she turns to Steve and he sits up straighter.
The woman is scary, Steve isn’t afraid to admit it. He stays silent and waits to see what she’s going to dish out.
“If you can’t see that my boy here has been gone on you pretty much since he met you, I don’t know what to tell you.”
Robin puts her hand on Steve’s and gives him a light squeeze. “I told you the other night you couldn’t keep going like this. You and Billy need to talk. Take the time you need, enjoy your dinner and we’ll see you tomorrow.”
Heather pats Billy’s shoulder then she takes Robin’s hand, and they leave the two of them alone. Steve is reeling from the exchange, his mind stuck on what Heather said to him.
“Billy…” he starts, the words dying in his throat when he sees the haunted look on Billy’s face.
“Is it true?” Billy whispers, fiddling with the ring on his finger. His cheeks are pink and his shoulders curled up like all his confidence drained away.
It makes Steve’s chest hurt to see him like this. He reaches across the table but his hands stop just short of Billy’s. “Yeah, I’m… I’m bisexual. I, um, I was going out with this guy called Sam a couple of months ago but I broke up with him.”
“Why?”
Billy’s voice is just above a whisper, his eyes shiny with unshed tears and Steve wants to punch himself for putting them there.
“He wanted to, um, to go all the way, and when I said I wasn't ready for that yet, he decided to get it from someone else. I found out and dumped him.”
“Okay.”
“Billy…” Steve waits for Billy to look at him and this time he slides his fingers over Billy’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I guess… I guess I was scared.”
“Scared? Steve, I’m gay, what did you think I was gonna say if you told me?”
Steve breaks eye contact and looks down at their hands on the table. His reason for not telling Billy seems flimsy as fuck now. “I was scared I would tell you you’re the reason I realized I was into guys and you wouldn’t feel the same way about me. And you’re too important to me and I didn’t want to risk what we had.”
Billy laughs then, but it’s a wet, sad kind of laugh. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Billy turns his hands over and links their fingers together. “Pretty boy, I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.”
“You… you never said anything.” Steve feels his cheeks heat up.
“Steve, you always said you were straight. I didn’t see the point. It was hard enough when I knew you were actually in a relationship with someone but when you mentioned Robin setting you up on a date the other day, I couldn’t pretend to be okay with it anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Billy. I’m so sorry.” He can’t believe he almost missed out on this. Almost lost Billy. “I realized you were avoiding me but I couldn’t work out why. Every time I came home from work, I worried you would be gone for good. And it broke my heart.”
Billy must see something on his face because he leaves his side of the table to sit next to Steve, his arm going over Steve’s shoulders and pulling him close.
“Baby… I’m sorry. It hurt too much to be around you.”
Steve wraps his arms around Billy’s waist and buries his face in Billy’s neck, inhaling the scent he knows so well, taking comfort in it. After a moment, he pulls back just enough so he can look Billy in the eye. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
Billy doesn’t say anything in reply, instead he moves his hands to cup Steve’s face and presses their lips together.
Steve melts into the kiss. He never wants it to end. He wants to climb inside Billy’s chest and live there forever. He finds that reality is so much better than any dreams he had.
A discreet cough behind them puts a stop to the kiss and they pull apart slowly. A waitress is standing by their table, holding a tablet to take their order. Steve looks at Billy, who nods with a smile.
“I’ll just… um, pay for the drinks, and we’ll be on our way, sorry for the trouble,” Steve stammers, feeling his cheeks heat up, trying to process the fact that he just made out with Billy in the middle of a fancy restaurant. Oooooops.
“That’s fine, sir, the tab for the drinks was settled earlier,” the woman says with a smile.
“Oh, okay.”
Billy squeezes Steve’s shoulder. “Let’s go home, pretty boy.”
Steve smiles before untangling himself from Billy and getting out of the seat. He feels Billy following as he gets his wallet out of his pocket and pulls a twenty dollar note from it. He hands the waitress the tip and thanks her before taking Billy’s hand in his and leading the way towards the exit.
They make out against the wall while they wait for the Uber that takes them home, and pick up where they left off as soon as they walk through their front door. They kick off their shoes and take off their clothes in record time then tumble in a tangle of limbs onto Billy’s bed.
Steve is naked with the man he loves and they’re kissing and laughing and dry humping like teenagers and he doesn’t remember ever feeling this happy and content with anyone.
Later, when they’re both sated after a couple of orgasms each, they pad to the kitchen in their boxers. Billy makes them chocolate mug cakes that they eat with ice cream under a blanket on the couch. Phones turned off to keep the bubble they’re in intact, they put on Justified.
“Hmmm…” Bill says, looking at the screen with a smirk.
“What?” Steve asks, half expecting what comes next.
“I guess I should have asked Ava or Boyd, really.”
Steve groans as Billy cackles, the blanket falling off them.
“Dick,” Steve says, punching him playfully in the shoulder. “Okay, Raylan or Boyd?”
Billy pretends to think about it, Steve can tell. Then he looks at Steve, all serious.
“You.”
~~~
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