* when i said it i thought it was true. @kakahshi - Tumblr Blog

doc ( not updated ) || playlist || headcanons || art

a study of: grief, the relentless progression of time, war you fought but didn't choose, growing up too fast, ghosts at your heel, emotional invulnrebility vs. the desire to love, found family, restructuring the system, the effort it takes to choose change & stepping from the shadows into the light.

traveling with: @bakisensei / @halfhyuuga, @allgather, @maitiests !

#pinned post.#updated 3/08/2026 #established 2018 #re established 2022 #re re established 2025 LOL #heavy wip #formerly xhatake but i cant remember my email

kakahshi

tonight is dnd <3 i will see if i have any energy left over at the end, but i'm not sure where i will be energy wise!!

kakahshi

I wept for all of tht session im gonna explode

#ooc.#tbd.#we did a lot of riffing and fucking around to try and keep from dying inside #but i still Wept #So Much #it was amazing #i might write something smalll to cool down but #wooooof tht took a lot of energy

kakashidaily

day 14 // bad habits

#visage.#art.#this is canon

tonight is dnd <3 i will see if i have any energy left over at the end, but i'm not sure where i will be energy wise!!

#ooc.#tbd.#we took a long hiatus after our first party member character death #so tonights session is going to be... a funeral #so its gonna be emotional but also??? we are supposed to use this as a means of gathering more information bcs of everyone thts gonna show #anyways im jazzed

i chipped away at a few things tonight but i fear i finished nothing. tomorrow is dnd so we will see where that lands me w energy for writing!!!

#ooc.#tbd.#i am just gonna sleep abt it #i am very super tired & have a long day ahead of me tomorrow (again)#a large part of tht is just tht i recently started working out #theres a trail i want to do so bad but i have to be able to do some rock climbing to do it so its just... training training training #old rag i am coming for you #but it will ultimately be worth it #anyways im exhausted and rambling #i will at least be around to chat tomorrow tho i am not as sure abt writing <3

maitiests

❝ screw that. ❞ he barks as if by will and want alone gai could alter what happened [ . . . ] ❝ i'm ending this right here -- i am the ding dong damn sunshine future, your friend forever, i'm not going to die, and i'm not going to fall apart on you. ❞

ft. @kakahshi

#gai.#maitiests: gai #kaddy im going to explode #kaddy im going to grow three heads #i am GNAWING ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE

macaron0verlord

Through your eye (literally)

a quick brush experiment :D

#visage.#im a little bit obssessed w this #the lighting and the mask in his eye has me feral as fuck

❝ you already know i’m bad at lying. ❞ from lee.

" yeah. right. " he does his best to sound convinced. he knows the kid is sensitive - or at least, he appears that way. he had asked where gai had gone, not expecting to find his newest project on the other side of gai's door. he had asked where his friend was only to be met with a shy ' i don't know. ' the kid was cute, convincing. but kakashi couldn't be sure.

kakashi had done his best to keep it to himself. there was a natural unease that came with being around any child, let alone this one. there were whispers among the anbu about the orphanage lee had come from, the sorts of lives those children were built to live. ( kakashi often thinks of the root; of how his comrades had been reduced to sharp edges & teeth. he'd seen children younger than lee with blood on their hands… all in the name of their village. )

gai, of course, knew nothing of this. he had found a soul, alone & forsaken, & decided he would change it's world. it was an admirable sentiment, the one that made the world a better place. this did not mean it was a decision that wouldn't come back to haunt his friend. he swallows his thoughts as they drift in & out of the moment, centering back onto lee… the kitchen, they're in gai's kitchen. in the house his father had built, all those years ago.

kakashi tries to soften his heart, lee's gaze was enough to make him want to. kakashi places his hands in either one of his pockets, peering down at him. his voice comes out bored, conversational, " so. do you want me to come back later? or can i wait for him? "

#maitiests #maitiests: lee #maitiests: lee 02 #kakashi is abt to do recon #no but fr he is uneasy as fuck with kids & lee's orphanage adds tot ht by a longshot #( also thought this was a good step towards maybe them getting to know one another's places in gai's life )

tendermimi

Mahmoud Darwish, The Hoopoe

#musings.

❝ a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad. ❞ from gai.

the sun is going down, the air heavy with an impending summer shower. kakashi knew he should head home soon, but he wasn't sure what was worse. talking to the living or trying to carry the dead. ( and they are heavy. so heavy. anbu had tried to take rin's body back to the village, but it was kakashi that had insisted upon carrying her himself. what was all his training for if he couldn't bring her home? ) kakashi is laying in the grass, just outside of the village. he had hoped that it would be secluded enough to go unnoticed, unfound, tucked away with the book he had recently picked up.

it was easier to disappear into the pages of it than to fumble with those he loved, watching them slip through his fingers. he wouldn't screw up an interaction he refused to have. besides, this way he couldn't imagine what anyone is thinking of him when he walked down the street. he heard the whispers, knew the things they said about him. ( friend killer, they say. first he comes home with obito's eye & now rin? his hands feel wet, hot sticky. the scent of iron sticks to the wind. ) it was hard telling how much of it was true. gai, however, knew all of his spots. how many of them had they found together? kakashi heard gai before he saw him. his familiar, long stride crushes the dry grass beneath his feet. it really needed the rain.

kakashi doesn't greet him, or shoo him away. he's not sure how long the two of them sit together in a silence. it was odd, coming from gai, but he did not have to use words for his heart to be heard. kakashi sits up by the end of his chapter, snapping his book shut, but it is gai who breaks the silence.' a bad reputation doesn't mean you're bad. ' kakashi's heart drops in his chest.

" so you've heard? " he asks dryly. it's been a month, he thinks. time moves different now that he's alone. of course gai has heard, " maybe you should listen to what they say. "

perhaps gai knew the storm brewing in kakashi's head. if anyone could see it, it would be him. perhaps this is why he's been avoiding his best friend. nothing was more terrifying than the thought that he could see the walls kakashi was throwing up around him, that someone might know him well enough to see the things he lost with every mission. at least when rin was alive, there was someone he could talk to about it... but now all he could do was listen to what everyone else had to say & hope one day he could scrub his hands clean.

the next words that force their way from his mouth are honest. he can't stop them, because he knows they're true. he doesn't look at gai, instead looking to the clouding sky, " if you don't, you'll be the next to die. "

#maitiests: gai #maitiests #maitiests: gai 03 #kicks my feet & twirls my hair #kakashi wholeheartedly believes this #btw #but i also think he's lonelier than ehs every been before & desperate for his best friend #he knows in his herat that gai wont be scared away by his words but lowkey wishes he would be #for his own safety even if kakashi wants it to be different #hm #mmmm hmmm

[ EN GARDE ]: from gai. sparring sparring sparring.

they've been sparring for twenty-six minutes before one of them lands a solid hit. they dodge in & out of one another's attacks with an undeniable understanding of one another. kakashi is thrilled by every close call, every time he nearly gets his hands on the other. exchanging blows felt like some sort of window to the soul, even if it was sometimes a little foggy… it was easy to persuade gai to indulge him. he was the best sparring partner kakashi had ever known. a constant, someone who knew this dance by now. someone who needed it badly as he did.

when gai's fist finally makes contact with kakashi's stomach, it knocks the breath from him. it's grounding in a way, a familiar tether to the world they shared. kakashi leans foreword, steadying himself by gripping gai's arm. today they had agreed the challenge would only end when one of them hit the ground. even as sweat beaded his skin under the summer sun, kakashi was determined it would not be him.

" nice try, " he huffs, standing a little straighter. he plants his feet firm on the ground & a smirk pulls at his lips beneath his mask. kakashi had a way of holding his emotions close to his chest. it was easier than trying to force them into the shape of words, into a reality he struggled to face. if he kept them out of sight he could focus on something more productive. training was a good start. there was something familiar, honest about a fight.

kakashi takes a quick step back, an attempt to stay away from gai's expert attacks. he tries not to betray himself, but there is an underlying tinge of delight in his challenge, “ but not nice enough. ”

#maitiests #maitiests: gai 02 #i am about two minutes from passing out but i Had to type this up im obssessed w them #plus i have missed u so bad friend #i thought the challenge would be a fun little extra sprinkle >:)

i went camping last night & hiking this morning so now i'm chipping away at some things!!! i'm going to make some icons & move them onto my laptop but until then i will Not be using icons at all!!

#ooc.#tbd.#just as a little psa #last night i slept like shit bcs of Bears #but i swore to myself i would type up at least one of the things i scribbled <3 #so thts what im up to

Maybe like this for a little starter :)

#ooc.#capping at 5 #starter call.#im camping tonight so im gonna scribble them furiously into my notebook #& post them tomorrow when i get home <3 #multis please specify i am often faced w decision paralysis if u dont

nixscriptum

less of a poem, more of a reminder. ( ఌ )

#musings.

edenmemes

last of us (show) starters

ep1- 9.

❝ your t-shirt’s inside out. ❞ ❝ you already know i’m bad at lying. ❞ ❝ you are the person i never wanted to be in debt to. but i owe you. ❞ ❝ after all we’ve been through…everything i’ve done…it can’t be for nothing. ❞ ❝ you know what i see when i look at you? me. you remind me of me. ❞ ❝ i need you to take a breath. ❞ ❝ there’s a leader in you. one day, it could be your turn. ❞ ❝ i never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends. almost. ❞ ❝ we’re gonna be brave, and we’re gonna get out of this. ❞ ❝ can’t tell you how exciting it was listening to that fucking conversation. ❞ ❝ there you are. i was getting worried. ❞ ❝ a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad. ❞ ❝ how about we just talk this through? ❞ ❝ this isn’t gonna end well. ❞ ❝ when we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want. ❞ ❝ you’re a dangerous person. you’ve certainly proved that. ❞ ❝ i started worrying you wouldn’t wake up. ❞ ❝ we can help each other. and get that gun out of my face. ❞ ❝ i think i’m gonna love you for a long, long time. ❞ ❝ there’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see. ❞ ❝ you ask a lot of goddamn questions. ❞ ❝ you know, i used to be scared of these people. ❞ ❝ i mean…our luck had to run out sooner or later. ❞ ❝ like to think, for once, we could finally win? ❞ ❝ i mean, it’s the long way or the ‘we’re fucking dead’ way. ❞ ❝ you mumble in your sleep. ❞ ❝ wait, who gave you the black eye? ❞ ❝ no. no questions. just do it. ❞ ❝ you can’t fight everything and everyone. you can pick and choose what’s important. ❞ ❝ nobody’s gonna be coming after you, right? ❞ ❝ you stay close and you follow my lead. ❞ ❝ there’s no halfway with this. we finish what we started. ❞ ❝ you’re a natural leader. you’re smart, loyal…violent. ❞ ❝ it’s a miracle you’re alive. ❞ ❝ okay, rocky start. could’ve been worse, though. ❞ ❝ you know what i’m in the mood for? shitty puns. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t matter. you have to trust me. ❞ ❝ you know, people like to tell stories. ❞ ❝ i’m not in the mood for this. i’m really not in the mood. ❞ ❝ you have a greater purpose than any of us could’ve ever imagined. ❞ ❝ how about we start with ‘thank you’? ❞ ❝ i’d like to go home and drink ‘til my face stops hurting. ❞ ❝ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❞ ❝ i believe everything happens for a reason. ❞ ❝ you can’t be stupid like this. ❞ ❝ you so hungry for vengeance? deliver it. ❞ ❝ i’m not going anywhere with you. ❞ ❝ if we come up against anything, you get behind me and you stay there, okay? ❞ ❝ i’m trying to keep you alive. ❞ ❝ did it make you feel better? did it make you feel safe? ❞ ❝ that’s not my fucking home. ❞ ❝ i don’t want your sorries. ❞ ❝ don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault. ❞ ❝ oh, finally, some fucking luck. ❞ ❝ you won’t survive for long out here. i can protect you. ❞ ❝ no more questions about me. ❞ ❝ you want your jacket back? ❞ ❝ fuck you, man. i didn’t ask for this. ❞ ❝ besides, it’s the thought that counts. ❞ ❝ wasn’t my fault this time. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry, but this has gone on too long. ❞ ❝ i’ve had…more good days with you than with anyone else. ❞ ❝ i need you to take a breath. ❞ ❝ can we start a fire? i’m freezing. ❞ ❝ the darkness is falling, the sky has turned gray. ❞ ❝ matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves. ❞ ❝ you stay here. you hear anything, yell. ❞ ❝ maybe there’s nothing bad out there, but so far there’s always been something bad out there. ❞ ❝ so…is it everything you hoped for? ❞ ❝ what do you want me to say? ❞ ❝ you okay? you just seem extra quiet today. ❞ ❝ are you okay? you’re not hurt? nothing? ❞ ❝ there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? ❞ ❝ you do what i say when i say it. we clear? ❞ ❝ where would you be without me, huh? ❞ ❝ i’ve been on both sides. ❞ ❝ let’s just handle what we have to handle. ❞ ❝ is it everything you hoped for? ❞ ❝ it doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it will always be stationary. ❞ ❝ you hungry? you can share some of mine. ❞ ❝ have i committed a crime? ❞ ❝ it’s got its ups and downs…but you can’t deny that view. ❞ ❝ those things i did…those things that you judge me for, i did those things to keep us alive. ❞ ❝ i swear, i’ve told you everything i know. ❞ ❝ i don’t wanna talk about it. ❞ ❝ just because life stopped for you…doesn’t mean it has to stop for me. ❞ ❝ i’m alone and forsaken by fate and by man. ❞ ❝ here. this make you all nostalgic? ❞ ❝ thanks for still giving a shit about me. ❞ ❝ i am the bad guy because i did a bad guy thing. ❞ ❝ you keep your eyes on me. and don’t look anywhere else. ❞ ❝ i know this hurts. you’re gonna be okay. ❞ ❝ you think i’ve never done shit like that? ❞ ❝ maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells. ❞ ❝ it isn’t fair, your age…having to deal with all of this. ❞ ❝ i was never afraid before you showed up. ❞ ❝ swear to me. swear to me that everything you said is true. ❞ ❝ do i not look scared? ❞ ❝ just a reminder that if you’re dead, i’m fucked. ❞ ❝ what else am i supposed to say? ❞ ❝ it’s not too late. even now…even after what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i have no other choice. ❞ ❝ if you just keep going…you find something new to fight for. ❞ ❝ we did what we needed to survive. ❞ ❝ is that what i am? am i one of the ‘wrong people’? ❞ ❝ i shouldn’t have said what i said. i don’t know your situation. ❞ ❝ i don’t wanna hurt you. i wanna help you. ❞ ❝ look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope. ❞ ❝ when do we tell the others? ❞ ❝ well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate. ❞ ❝ i saw what you did…the way you killed those men. ❞ ❝ but first, you have to do something for me. ❞ ❝ be careful who you put your faith in. the only people who can betray us…are the ones we trust. ❞ ❝ you see my face? do i look scared? ❞ ❝ stay awake with me. ❞ ❝ it’s dangerous, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. ❞ ❝ there’s a whole lot you’re not telling me. ❞ ❝ how about you shut the fuck up? ❞ ❝ i would very much like for you to hurt them. ❞ ❝ what i’m about to tell you cannot be repeated to anyone. ❞ ❝ they’re gonna catch us if we don’t run. ❞ ❝ everybody i have cared for has either died or left me. everybody, fսcking except for you. ❞ ❝ lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere. ❞ ❝ i’m not looking for any trouble. ❞ ❝ i think maybe we got a little off on the wrong foot. ❞ ❝ i came here to save you. ❞ ❝ they’re not following us. i think we’re safe. ❞ ❝ i just ran away for a bit, that’s all. ❞ ❝ i thought you were dead. ❞ ❝ you think i can still handle things, but…i’m not who i was. ❞ ❝ oh, maybe i shouldn’t have said anything. ❞ ❝ i should fucking stab you. ❞ ❝ seriously, though, how the fuck do you do that? ❞ ❝ well, i…i don’t know how to swim. ❞ ❝ what the fuck is wrong with you, sneaking up on me like that? ❞ ❝ holy shit, are you dying? ❞ ❝ i was just trying to imagine you wearing that. ❞ ❝ was that the first dead body you ever saw? ❞ ❝ i wasn’t gonna say i’m sorry. i was gonna say that i’ve been thinking about what happened. ❞ ❝ how about you just take the good news? ❞ ❝ why did you bring me here? ❞ ❝ we can just be all poetic and lose our minds together. ❞ ❝ god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. ❞ ❝ you stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet. ❞ ❝ that easy to give everything up, huh? ❞ ❝ are you gonna kill me? this seems like a perfect place to do it. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have had to. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ you know, you really shouldn’t be all out here on your own. ❞ ❝ turn around and walk away. just go. ❞ ❝ i’ll follow you anywhere you go. ❞ ❝ hold me close to my heart. ❞ ❝ it’s hard to trust strangers. i know. ❞ ❝ i need to know you’re with me. ❞ ❝ the longer i was away…the harder it was to come back. ❞ ❝ did you kill innocent people? ❞ ❝ as much as i love arguing with your stubborn ass…we’re on a mission here. ❞ ❝ don’t tell me that i’d be safer with somebody else because the truth is i would just be more scared. ❞ ❝ you have no idea what loss is. ❞ ❝ you’re the one thing i missed from that fucking place. ❞ ❝ when we were talking about hurting people…what did you mean it wasn’t your first time? ❞ ❝ i can’t fucking do this without you. ❞ ❝ it was a joke, okay? in my mind, you loved it. ❞ ❝ well then, give me your hand. ❞ ❝ they haven’t lost faith in you. they’re just scared. ❞ ❝ goddamn it, i wanna punch you so bad. ❞ ❝ looks different in the daylight, huh? ❞ ❝ i know you mean well. i know you wanna protect me. ❞

#meme.#q.#queueing another meme while i work at the things in my inbox <3 #just for fresh things

good news: through a series of very fortunate events, i now have a laptop. my pc has been slowly dying on me over the course of this year & at last, i have something i can write & chill on without it taking twenty minutes to open my browser lol. i am getting all my apps in order & picking at old drafts, indulging in the fact that my computer doesn't crash the moment i start to type too fast!!!

#ooc.#tbd.#im also screaming abt the laptop bcs i love love love to write in bed #i have notebooks stacked by it & now i can just type in my pile of squishmallos lmao #sensory delgiht #no but for real the fact that this thing functions in a reasonable amount of time is definitely like a weight off my shoulders #when i turn on my pc i know i am comitting to at least a half an hour of waiting #but if i let it sit longer than it takes to turn on it still acts up #this laptop is near mint condition a friend fixed it for me & she has a stellar pc so she said i can have this one #( also so i can play minecraft w her without making her wait 30 minutes )#anyways im rambling the point is expect more activity in the coming weeks :))

kingsmemes

「 RP MEME : NONVERBAL PROMPTS. mix of violent, caring, touching and non-touching prompts. 」 SEND PROMPT '+ REVERSE' for the inverse to happen. for example 'bandage + reverse' for the receiver to bandage wounds on the sender.

[ BANDAGE ] : sender bandages a wound on receiver.

[ GUIDE ] : sender puts a hand on he receiver's back to guide them somewhere.

[ WAVE ]: sender waves down receiver to get their attention.

[ SIGN ]: sender raises their hand to sign to receiver. what follows can be anything the sender desires.

[ LIFT ]: sender lifts receiver's chin to look at them.

[ LIGHT ]: sender lights receiver's cigarette/candle/etc.

[ FIND ] : sender finds receiver beaten and/or bloodied.

[ PIN ]: sender pins receiver against the wall during combat/sparring.

[ GET DOWN ]: sender tackles receiver out of the way of danger.

[ TAKE ]: sender takes a hit meant for receiver.

[ CAUGHT ]: sender finds receiver somewhere they aren't supposed to be.

[ TRAP ]: sender traps the receiver somewhere they don't want to be.

[ DARLING ]: sender touches receiver's cheek.

[ SNATCH ]: sender snatches receiver's wrist as they turn to go.

[ STAB ]: sender stabs receiver.

[ DRAG ]: sender drags receiver from point a to point b.

[ SIT ]: sender sits on receiver's lap.

[ EN GARDE ]: sender and receiver get into some kind of fight.

[ DRUNK ]: sender finds receiver drunk.

[ BLOOD ]: sender walks into receiver's room covered in blood.

[ FLOWER ]: sender offers a flower to receiver.

[ HOLD ]: sender reaches to hold receiver's hand.

[ BRUSH ]: sender brushes a strand of hair out of receiver's face.

[ NOTE: ] sender writes a note for receiver. the contents are whatever the sender decides.

[ EYES ]: sender notices receiver looking at them.

[ STOP ]: sender raises hand to signal the receiver to stop in place.

[ TAP ]: sender taps receiver on the shoulder to get their attention.

[ WAKE ]: sender gently wakes receiver from a nap or otherwise.

[ MORNING AFTER ]: sender and receiver wake up together for the first time after a night of passion.

[ BLANKET ]: sender drapes a blanket over receiver's shoulders.

[ HUDDLE ]: sender and receiver huddle together in an effort to stay warm.

[ TUG ]: sender pulls receiver away from them.

[ PUSH ]: sender pushes receiver away from them.

[ BULLET ]: sender shoots receiver in a non-lethal area.

#meme.#yeah my inbox is full of stuff but im thinking maybe #trying something new #im taking a showrr then putting my hands on some old drafts ( & hopping onto discord :) )

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* when i said it i thought it was true.