The Manuscripts of Kalebron

An anonymous, public diary of a thinker, ponderer, and muser

[kalebron]

I think it's that time.

I can always be reached at kpmu5ik at yahoo.com (as Kovu) or live.com (as K.Z. Markus) or kpmaestro on skype (as Kazy) as I'll be using this tumblr account only for my dashboard.

I'm making this short, so for one last time I wish you all…

Sweet dreams.

~Kalebron

[kalebron]

A 3rd Personal Entry

Read More

[kalebron]

*Rereads post*

What I need to do is friggin' relax and quit being so melodramatic.

[kalebron]

A 3rd Personal Entry

Not to sound cliche or poetic, but I'm being quite serious and literal. The qualities that I intrinsically have along with those that I've consciously developed—all of which I intended to make myself ultimately effective—are the very things that have created the stalemate that currently I see myself in. My habits, my fears, my logic, my beliefs, my interest, my disinterests…almost everything has an internal opposer—that is, another quality that discourages it or actually cancels it out.

I will not be specific here in this little blurb. Acute readers may have already garnered glimpses of this "issue" from earlier posts of mine…recent, and not-so-recent. I'm merely tracing my thoughts here: making note of my "progress" (if you can call it that).

Sure, I could discuss it, but I'm not asking for that.

No one knows me better than myself, so only I can find what needs to change, and only I can actually make that change. This runs very deep, so this won't be easy even if it's revealed to be straight-forward solution.

Chances are, I'm holding on to something—some trait or outlook—that I need to let go of. Something that I truly believe that I need to keep that is actually destroying everything I desire to build before I ever begin to build it.

I wonder if I'll be strong enough to let it go.

I can't stay like this forever. Something has to give or something else may break. I must inspect every part and assess their value. I must tread carefully, honestly, and logically.

This isn't about finding purpose—what I'm designed to do.

I'm not even there yet.

It's about finding a reason to do anything at all.

It's about finding a reason to care.

It's about finding a reason to live.

Sweet dreams…

~Kalebron

[kalebron]

Another Personal Entry

I know exactly where it disagrees. Where one part stops another. Where one function undoes the work of another. Where a certain program will never/rarely run because of the strict conditions that would qualify its activation.

I've run into that "bug or feature" situation where I'm questioning what's working right and what's working wrong. That gets hard to tell when I don't know the purpose for the machine in the first place. I have no theoretical output to reference for comparison. How can I know if the "corrections" I make are actually improving the machine?

One approach could be to keep rearranging the components and changing the constants until it works. But this approach, though brute-forced and in theory guaranteed to work eventually, would take an incredibly long time. Not to mention there are probably a few configurations that would actually work: some positive, some negative.

There may be a solution that allows it progress while destroying everything in its path. Conversely, there could be another solution that allows it to run without affecting anything at all. But what's ideal?

Versatility is a great asset when there are many possible goals to achieve. But when there aren't any goals, that tool that's meant for anything-but-nothing-in-particular becomes ironically useless.

Why does this design suddenly seem useless? Learning how it works is great. But for what?

More than ever before, I've realized that I have assigned no duties for the machine to fulfill. I had been keeping my options open, believing that upon understanding the design that I would be able to infer its purpose. Its only path so far is to follow what others put before it. Yet as soon as that job is done, it idles.

My only self-initiated obligation is that it must not do "nothing", as I believe it was not made for "nothing". (I realize this is a chosen belief, not a proven one.)

If I played some open-ended sandbox game like Minecraft or something, I don't see myself doing anything other what would be necessary to progress and beat the game. If that's too easy, I'd probably shoot for those collectibles or any other task that would grant me a reward (like "trophies"). Going out of my way to build something "cool"or make something in particular that has no bearing to my in-game progress is not me. I haven't touched that game for this very reason, as interested as I was.

Anyway, I'm glad I have this at my disposal. I can never take it for granted. Moving forward still proves to be a challenge, but as always, I'm up for it.

Sweet dreams,

~Kalebron

[kalebron]

A Personal Entry

Now I lurk (once again), and I scan through my dashboard and the otherkin tags just to see what's going on while liking things here and there. It's starting to get a bit boring now: the posts are starting to look alike and people get riled up over the same stuff. The same questions are being asked, the same issues are being raised…tumblr is not the only place online that I venture, don't worry.

My previous (original) post was no dramatization or anything. I have indeed reached a resting place in my grand search for self. Of course, that is only the first step.

Realizing that is no epiphany, but being in that spot where you know what it is and how it works but don't know what it's for really brings it home.

I simply do not know what to do now.

Of course, in real life I still have my comp sci bachelors to achieve with a side of audio production. That's no mystery. But my "inner self" (if you will) is quite disjointed from this. What would employ the usage of my whole self?

I'm not trying to make more money/popularity with this or anything: I just don't want part of me to become abandoned, abused, or used only selfishly. I've mentally gone through a lot and have developed a lot, and I personally believe that my journey was not for naught.

There's nothing to prove that, though. But it was my choice to live as if I have a purpose.

I have noticed a bit of a problem though. I don't speak to anyone. And no one speaks to me. If I'm to do anything, it would never get around. I don't need connections, so I don't strive for them. Yet I don't want "me" to be wasted, so I still wanted them (to a degree).

That's why I have this unrealistic wish of people finding me without me having to do much. (Not that hard to explain, what do you know?)

That makes me a really difficult "gem" to find. I'm buried in the ground with no way to detect me, and even when found this "ore" would have to be properly extracted to reap its value (that is, assuming I have value). In some ways I like positioning myself this way. In many other ways, I see this as me being my own obstacle.

But I don't know what else to do.

What to say, who to say it to, how to react, when to react, when/what to ignore…blah blah blah pretty much a collage of social anxiety concerns. That or me being way to cautious (if that isn't the same thing).

So I sit, watch, and wait. And to no surprise, not much happens. I guess I can focus on my surface life for a bit. I've started planning for building a high-spec computer. I'm putting together a roadmap for the remainder of my needed education. Since I've been helping with a lot of renovation work lately, the opportunity to build my own desk has presented itself and I'm planning to take advantage of that.

But none of those things fill that "hole" though. Mundane things are no fun to think about. I'm fairly competent at it though, but taking analytical approaches to psychology and spirituality and such is so much more interesting to me. It's just not day-to-day practical, if you know what I mean.

I linger around therian/otherkin because this community (typically) promotes this deeper level of thought, and I like seeing people develop at this level and discuss at this level. Also, I can relate. I can't think of other community types that would yield the same sorts of introspective discussions (besides LGBT communities, whose topics incidentally winds up in otherkin territory quite often). It's probably because I don't get out much. And I'm willing to admit that I'm not too enthused about trying to find other such groups.

So there we go. Just a progress report, I guess. This has been nibbling at me for a while, and just recently it has started to bite. This entry is my addressing this "out loud". There are more steps to be taken, and I do have to find them.

For now:

Sweet dreams,

~Kalebron

[panthera-neofelis]

Humans are weird (or the way I deal with social discrepancies)

This might sound familiar to you, maybe cliche, or even totally crazy, but that’s what I personally think. Humans are weird, and I don’t really know how to explain. For me, it’s socially, because I think they have strange rituals and odd customs to interact with one another. There’s a lot of things I don’t relate to, and I can’t help but wonder why. Of course, I already know the answer : that’s because I’m a jaguar trapped in a human’s body — or something along the lines of that. But I’ve always asked myself “why do they make me feel that way? I’m still human, right?”.

Read More

[kalebron]

I wrote to find myself. Having done so (to the length of my desire), I now have nothing to write. What a bittersweet conclusion.

[kalebron]

Poem: Little did I know

Little did I know

I placed my aimless imagination on paper This conglomeration of these "cool" what-if's Pouring out this random juice Just to test its flavor

Little did I know

I created characters These fabricated entities Friends and foes With jealousies and rivalries

Little did I know

I inserted a version of myself Tampered with the extremes Gave "me" everything I wanted Accompanied with the most unlikeliest of flaws

But little did I know

That I was discovering myself Studying myself My own psychology Projected through a fictional world

How did I see others? How did I see myself? What did I desire? What did I hate?

I reabsorb my first pages All the way to my latest And I can draw a path Of how I've changed And how I haven't

Whenever I think I don't know what or how I am My elaborations suggest I know much more

It looked like a prophecy But I was only predicting my future with my past

I am becoming the very image that I created As if I were that all along

Little did I know

That I already knew

~Kalebron

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

I think tumblr has left a lot of us emotionally stunted. This is a great community for empowerment, catharsis, or coping, but those things aren’t recovery in and of themselves. Comparatively, they’re easy when compared to the painful self-reflection and real-world...

[crow-cathedral-blog]

I came to the conclusion that I am a wolf therian waaaay back in the 7th grade. I took it way too far and went through that whole “speshul snowflake werewulf p-shift and save tha WORLD” phase. After a while, I just kind of…dropped it. For a long time, I never even…

[clinicallycanine-deactivated201]

I’ve seen a couple post in the tags now about how “trolls in the tags give us bad press”, and I feel like I should chime in to say that sometimes we do it to ourselves. There are three or four professionally produced “documentaries”/ T.V. specials on therians that are pretty well-known of, and out…

[theangrylionshark]

This ^

[susitar-deactivated20181205]

Therianthropy is not necessarily spiritual.

Nobody knows for sure what causes therianthropy, to be honest.

Therianthropy is not defined as “the belief that you have an animal soul”, even if some therians believe they do have animal souls. But there are quite a number of therians who don’t believe in supernatural concepts like souls, spirits or reincarnation at all. And besides, nobody can truly know if souls even exist, even if you personally believe in them.

Therianthropy is most commonly defined as “identifying (at least partly) as a non-human animal”. Sometimes words like “internally, personally” etc are used too.

Note the word “identify as”. Not “having a connection”. It’s perfectly normal to feel emotional or spiritual connections to nature, charismatic animals etc. It can be an important part of your life…

But therianthropy is when you consider yourself to somehow be this animal - whether you prefer to describe it in spiritual lingo or psychological. (Therianthropy is obviously not physical. Hollywood werewolves don’t exist.)

Words have meanings and definitions in order to make communication clear. If you are looking to describe the relationship between you an animal spirit guide, or being a fan of an animal, or roleplaying an animal, or being inspired by an animal, or worshipping an animal… use some other word than “therian”. There is nothing wrong with other experiences, but for clarity, use the correct words for them.

[theangrylionshark]

I would like to know your stance on something. I've noticed that you've advised against using "human" tendencies/behaviors or archetypes and such to help define one's therioside. I feel like many have done this including myself to a considerable extent (if I am understanding you correctly). I know this could be a chore, but I ask that you take a look at the 3 links referenced in #14 in my ToC and provide some feedback as to if you think that "qualifies". Do I seem like a "true therian" to you?

I obviously cannot say if you’re a “true therian” as I am not you and don’t experience what you experience.

However, I will say that a lot of what’s in those articles is human. One’s physical traits have everything to do with their human DNA and nothing to do with identity. One’s personality is more likely to be influenced by their human life. I warn people against using human things to figure out their non-human identity (or if they have one to begin with) because it is far too easy to wishfully interpret something perfectly human as “evidence” of something not human. I especially warn against explaining human things in a non-human way in the early stages of one’s journey because this is the easiest time to indulge in misinterpretation, wishful thinking, etc.

If you ask me, it is a much better idea to base one’s identity on things that seem utterly non human such as mental shifts, phantom limbs, etc. I always recommend to people who are trying to pin down a kintype or figure out if they’re otherkin in the first place to keep a journal. To write down everything they experience that they deem pertinent to their identity and, weeks to months later, read it. See what sense can be made of it without applying any pre-conceived notions of kintype to it. Discard what’s human, question things that might overlap.

Can one’s identity influence their personality? Sure. However, something crossing over between human and not human doesn’t mean that it’s 100% non human. Humans are animals too so there will naturally be cross over, but that cross over should be looked at more in a framework of “isn’t this interesting” than “this is evidence for having X kintype”.

I don’t identify as a shark because I like to keep moving, love to swim, love to eat sushi, prefer to be solitary or in small groups, etc. I don’t identify as a lion because I prefer the company of women (I don’t, by the way), like rare meat, am territorial, etc. I identify as my theriotypes because they are me. The phantom limbs, the mental shifts, the ever present images of “self” are such. 

I find it a very slippery slope between “hmm, I think I might be a feline therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, etc. I should look into this” to “I’m a house cat therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, and love milk”. These traits don’t just correspond to many other animals, but they’re also utterly human.

This reply turned into something of a book, but the bottom line is that it’s my personal opinion that one’s identity in a non-human framework shouldn’t be based on human stuff. It should take far more introspection and research to figure out if one identifies as non-human and, if so, what sort of non-human identity one holds. Otherwise, the risk of someone indulging fantasies and wishful thinking is just too darn high. So, if you think that you’ve based too much of your identity on human stuff, re-assess. Keep one of those journals I recommend, do more research into it. Heck, start over from square one of “hmm, I think I might be otherkin”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with re-assessment. Lord knows most of us have been there.

[kalebron]

Hmm.

I was actually hoping your reply would be a bit more personalized and that I would get the good old-fashioned “grilling” that therian/otherkin newcomers would get in forums and the like. My inquiry was theoretical (as you may or may not have noticed), so I wasn’t actually relying on your potential answer to help me label myself. I’m aware you can’t give me a “final say”, so I was hoping to get your own personal reaction to my experiences as if what I explained was all I used to reach the conclusion that I am internally non-human in some way, shape, or form.

That aside, I still appreciate your answer.

I would like to focus on part of what you personally respect as your own evidence to your identity. That is, the presence of shifts and phantom-limbs.

This, in my experience, is probably the most commonly shared feature between those who are part of the therian community (otherkin as well, but I want to focus on therianthropy for now). I think it would be closely followed by those having past-life memories of being their therioside or having dreams of being their theriosides. (Once again, this from my own experience.)

My personal dilemma (strictly in my relating to the rest of the community) is that I pretty much lack all of the experiences I just described.

So perhaps my lack of shifting could be explained away by my being a “contherian” or “suntherian”. And they say not all experience phantom limbs (as common and broadcasted as this experience is). You can say the same for past-life memories and “dream-shifting”. Therefore, though I could theoretically fall into simply being a rarity, is it more likely that I’ve mistaken myself?

I confess: I do not remember what first inspired the idea that a being tiger was my most proper form. Before I dramatized it and wove the identity into my literature, I can’t point to the seed. A dream? A tangible feeling? A philosophical suggestion? A desire? Or maybe just pure self-fulfilling imagination?

It no longer troubles me because I know how I am regardless of how I label myself. But to challenge the definition, I offer my own experiences as something to discuss (and not with just you but the community as a whole).

I did make a post where I expressed my doubts, btw. I know very well that even though I think things though I can still be terribly mistaken. Does anyone have more to say about what I could be or the topic in general (including you, of course, angrylionshark)?

[theangrylionshark]

I don’t see why phantom limbs and mental shifts would be indicative of past lives. The percentage of otherkin who identify as such for spiritual reasons is just about equal to the percentage of otherkin who identify as such for brain-related reasons. In fact, it is far more rational (in my opinion) to believe that these things are created by the brain.

If you do not experience mental or phantom sensations (note: contherians are essentially constantly shifted while suntherians are as well, but the latter usually experiences far more fluctuation in the human-animal balance and suntherians often do experience true shifts) then what do you base your identity on? Human traits? This is weak at best as human traits simply say that you’re human. Anything else is either wishful thinking, forcing an identity on yourself, or similar.

Not all otherkin experience phantom sensations and not all otherkin experience a change in their mentality to be more *insert animal here*. However, most experience one or the other either as a constant state of being or through shifts (or both).

I’m honestly not sure why you identify as otherkin. You say you have experiences, but then that you don’t experience mental or phantom shifts/states so what experiences are these? Dreams? Dreams are scientifically understood to be products of the sleeping brain and they are certainly not something to base an identity on. Human traits? Again not something to base a non-human identity on.

So why don’t we start at the beginning: Why do you identify as otherkin in the first place?

[kitkatpurrpurr]

To be fair, before learning what Therianthropy was, I may have only had a few “mental shifts,” if they even were that, but when I heard the definition which was “someone who feels nonhuman on some non-physical level,” I INSTANTLY went “holy shit that’s me.”

I simply always felt feline for as far back as I could remember, but when my friend explained to me what it was, I felt all the pieces coming together. They didn’t say anything about shifting initially, or past lives; it was all because I simply FELT nonhuman.

So sometimes as simple as a gut feeling you’ve had your whole life that you never knew actually had a name or anything is what can trigger you to realize “wow, I might be _____.”

Just my two cents.

[kalebronz]

That “gut feeling” is something that I believe is fairly critical. Identity is something that you was, are, and will be, so unless the definition fits your past as well, it’s not likely that therianthropy is the correct label to adopt. As others have stated, if you change after becoming “awere”, you might wanna take a second look at what you really are.

Just to quote, Peter Weinreich (a social scientist with a focus on idea of identity) says identity is “the totality of one’s self-construal, in which how one construes oneself in the present expresses the continuity between how one construes oneself as one was in the past and how one construes oneself as one aspires to be in the future”. Found that in wikipedia article. A very interesting one at that.

[kalebron]

[Reblogging to the correct blog.]

[theangrylionshark]

I would like to know your stance on something. I've noticed that you've advised against using "human" tendencies/behaviors or archetypes and such to help define one's therioside. I feel like many have done this including myself to a considerable extent (if I am understanding you correctly). I know this could be a chore, but I ask that you take a look at the 3 links referenced in #14 in my ToC and provide some feedback as to if you think that "qualifies". Do I seem like a "true therian" to you?

I obviously cannot say if you’re a “true therian” as I am not you and don’t experience what you experience.

However, I will say that a lot of what’s in those articles is human. One’s physical traits have everything to do with their human DNA and nothing to do with identity. One’s personality is more likely to be influenced by their human life. I warn people against using human things to figure out their non-human identity (or if they have one to begin with) because it is far too easy to wishfully interpret something perfectly human as “evidence” of something not human. I especially warn against explaining human things in a non-human way in the early stages of one’s journey because this is the easiest time to indulge in misinterpretation, wishful thinking, etc.

If you ask me, it is a much better idea to base one’s identity on things that seem utterly non human such as mental shifts, phantom limbs, etc. I always recommend to people who are trying to pin down a kintype or figure out if they’re otherkin in the first place to keep a journal. To write down everything they experience that they deem pertinent to their identity and, weeks to months later, read it. See what sense can be made of it without applying any pre-conceived notions of kintype to it. Discard what’s human, question things that might overlap.

Can one’s identity influence their personality? Sure. However, something crossing over between human and not human doesn’t mean that it’s 100% non human. Humans are animals too so there will naturally be cross over, but that cross over should be looked at more in a framework of “isn’t this interesting” than “this is evidence for having X kintype”.

I don’t identify as a shark because I like to keep moving, love to swim, love to eat sushi, prefer to be solitary or in small groups, etc. I don’t identify as a lion because I prefer the company of women (I don’t, by the way), like rare meat, am territorial, etc. I identify as my theriotypes because they are me. The phantom limbs, the mental shifts, the ever present images of “self” are such. 

I find it a very slippery slope between “hmm, I think I might be a feline therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, etc. I should look into this” to “I’m a house cat therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, and love milk”. These traits don’t just correspond to many other animals, but they’re also utterly human.

This reply turned into something of a book, but the bottom line is that it’s my personal opinion that one’s identity in a non-human framework shouldn’t be based on human stuff. It should take far more introspection and research to figure out if one identifies as non-human and, if so, what sort of non-human identity one holds. Otherwise, the risk of someone indulging fantasies and wishful thinking is just too darn high. So, if you think that you’ve based too much of your identity on human stuff, re-assess. Keep one of those journals I recommend, do more research into it. Heck, start over from square one of “hmm, I think I might be otherkin”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with re-assessment. Lord knows most of us have been there.

[kalebron]

Hmm.

I was actually hoping your reply would be a bit more personalized and that I would get the good old-fashioned “grilling” that therian/otherkin newcomers would get in forums and the like. My inquiry was theoretical (as you may or may not have noticed), so I wasn’t actually relying on your potential answer to help me label myself. I’m aware you can’t give me a “final say”, so I was hoping to get your own personal reaction to my experiences as if what I explained was all I used to reach the conclusion that I am internally non-human in some way, shape, or form.

That aside, I still appreciate your answer.

I would like to focus on part of what you personally respect as your own evidence to your identity. That is, the presence of shifts and phantom-limbs.

This, in my experience, is probably the most commonly shared feature between those who are part of the therian community (otherkin as well, but I want to focus on therianthropy for now). I think it would be closely followed by those having past-life memories of being their therioside or having dreams of being their theriosides. (Once again, this from my own experience.)

My personal dilemma (strictly in my relating to the rest of the community) is that I pretty much lack all of the experiences I just described.

So perhaps my lack of shifting could be explained away by my being a “contherian” or “suntherian”. And they say not all experience phantom limbs (as common and broadcasted as this experience is). You can say the same for past-life memories and “dream-shifting”. Therefore, though I could theoretically fall into simply being a rarity, is it more likely that I’ve mistaken myself?

I confess: I do not remember what first inspired the idea that a being tiger was my most proper form. Before I dramatized it and wove the identity into my literature, I can’t point to the seed. A dream? A tangible feeling? A philosophical suggestion? A desire? Or maybe just pure self-fulfilling imagination?

It no longer troubles me because I know how I am regardless of how I label myself. But to challenge the definition, I offer my own experiences as something to discuss (and not with just you but the community as a whole).

I did make a post where I expressed my doubts, btw. I know very well that even though I think things though I can still be terribly mistaken. Does anyone have more to say about what I could be or the topic in general (including you, of course, angrylionshark)?

[theangrylionshark]

I don’t see why phantom limbs and mental shifts would be indicative of past lives. The percentage of otherkin who identify as such for spiritual reasons is just about equal to the percentage of otherkin who identify as such for brain-related reasons. In fact, it is far more rational (in my opinion) to believe that these things are created by the brain.

If you do not experience mental or phantom sensations (note: contherians are essentially constantly shifted while suntherians are as well, but the latter usually experiences far more fluctuation in the human-animal balance and suntherians often do experience true shifts) then what do you base your identity on? Human traits? This is weak at best as human traits simply say that you’re human. Anything else is either wishful thinking, forcing an identity on yourself, or similar.

Not all otherkin experience phantom sensations and not all otherkin experience a change in their mentality to be more *insert animal here*. However, most experience one or the other either as a constant state of being or through shifts (or both).

I’m honestly not sure why you identify as otherkin. You say you have experiences, but then that you don’t experience mental or phantom shifts/states so what experiences are these? Dreams? Dreams are scientifically understood to be products of the sleeping brain and they are certainly not something to base an identity on. Human traits? Again not something to base a non-human identity on.

So why don’t we start at the beginning: Why do you identify as otherkin in the first place?

[kalebron]

First, I wasn't saying phantom limbs and mental shifts were related to past lives: I was only saying that past life recollections seem to come second to phantom limbs and mental shifts in popularity. It's not really the point anyway.

So…onto the good stuff.

My answer to your question is fairly difficult to explain. (To slightly simplify this, I will only regard my tiger/therian side. My belief in having a dragon side is more easily dismissible and also stands on slightly different grounds.) The thing is, when I was first was exposed to the concept, I understood it to be character-modifying phenomenon with a level of dysphoria. The idea of literally feeling animal parts and having feral animal thoughts was not something I even thought was part of it..not until I started investigating some communities. Even then I felt experiencing such phenomenon was an extreme, though I later realized it was practically a standard and almost a requirement.

Though I've always felt like many were more "therian" than myself, I had faith in my belief that at my very core I am a tiger. Yet if I try to point out the experiences that "prove" this to me, it would look superficial. What I feel is that the entity that influences the traits is that which is non-human (and that in theory, if present in a different body could modify a different set of traits. thereby rendering the traits themselves as fairly useless for "diagnosis").

Since my belief is strongly philosophical in nature (as well as psychological), I do not necessarily believe that an animal in a sentient human body would behave very animal-like or would even want to behave as such while knowing that it is operating in a totally unique vessel capable of self-awareness (among other things, of course). If that made any sense, perhaps you can see why I have thought of this being character-modifying. The dysphoria would kick in whenever the animal within feels it would be better off in its familiar body with its familiar challenges.

Of course, this theory introduces the obstacle which is that we can't know what an animal is without the body/brain it operates in. Yet I've kinda presumed that I can know this to some extent. Take that as you will.

It's fairly likely that from the get-go I may have drawn the wrong picture of what therianthropy really is. Or perhaps I do get the idea, but most favor more tangible self proof of their therian nature (which does not always have to be present). Even if I'm not really a therian, I do still consider myself as at least very connected to the community.

(I should mention my writing of my novel-in-progress has had a lot to do with my journey in self-discovery even to this day, but I'm not bringing this into the discussion because things get really fluffy with that. What I mentioned in my backstory is only the tip of the iceberg: everything else is more suitable for private discussion.)

Sorry for the essay. I can't help it sometimes.

[theangrylionshark]

I would like to know your stance on something. I've noticed that you've advised against using "human" tendencies/behaviors or archetypes and such to help define one's therioside. I feel like many have done this including myself to a considerable extent (if I am understanding you correctly). I know this could be a chore, but I ask that you take a look at the 3 links referenced in #14 in my ToC and provide some feedback as to if you think that "qualifies". Do I seem like a "true therian" to you?

I obviously cannot say if you’re a “true therian” as I am not you and don’t experience what you experience.

However, I will say that a lot of what’s in those articles is human. One’s physical traits have everything to do with their human DNA and nothing to do with identity. One’s personality is more likely to be influenced by their human life. I warn people against using human things to figure out their non-human identity (or if they have one to begin with) because it is far too easy to wishfully interpret something perfectly human as “evidence” of something not human. I especially warn against explaining human things in a non-human way in the early stages of one’s journey because this is the easiest time to indulge in misinterpretation, wishful thinking, etc.

If you ask me, it is a much better idea to base one’s identity on things that seem utterly non human such as mental shifts, phantom limbs, etc. I always recommend to people who are trying to pin down a kintype or figure out if they’re otherkin in the first place to keep a journal. To write down everything they experience that they deem pertinent to their identity and, weeks to months later, read it. See what sense can be made of it without applying any pre-conceived notions of kintype to it. Discard what’s human, question things that might overlap.

Can one’s identity influence their personality? Sure. However, something crossing over between human and not human doesn’t mean that it’s 100% non human. Humans are animals too so there will naturally be cross over, but that cross over should be looked at more in a framework of “isn’t this interesting” than “this is evidence for having X kintype”.

I don’t identify as a shark because I like to keep moving, love to swim, love to eat sushi, prefer to be solitary or in small groups, etc. I don’t identify as a lion because I prefer the company of women (I don’t, by the way), like rare meat, am territorial, etc. I identify as my theriotypes because they are me. The phantom limbs, the mental shifts, the ever present images of “self” are such. 

I find it a very slippery slope between “hmm, I think I might be a feline therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, etc. I should look into this” to “I’m a house cat therian because I prefer to be alone, like sleeping in warm places, and love milk”. These traits don’t just correspond to many other animals, but they’re also utterly human.

This reply turned into something of a book, but the bottom line is that it’s my personal opinion that one’s identity in a non-human framework shouldn’t be based on human stuff. It should take far more introspection and research to figure out if one identifies as non-human and, if so, what sort of non-human identity one holds. Otherwise, the risk of someone indulging fantasies and wishful thinking is just too darn high. So, if you think that you’ve based too much of your identity on human stuff, re-assess. Keep one of those journals I recommend, do more research into it. Heck, start over from square one of “hmm, I think I might be otherkin”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with re-assessment. Lord knows most of us have been there.

[kalebron]

Hmm.

I was actually hoping your reply would be a bit more personalized and that I would get the good old-fashioned "grilling" that therian/otherkin newcomers would get in forums and the like. My inquiry was theoretical (as you may or may not have noticed), so I wasn't actually relying on your potential answer to help me label myself. I'm aware you can't give me a "final say", so I was hoping to get your own personal reaction to my experiences as if what I explained was all I used to reach the conclusion that I am internally non-human in some way, shape, or form.

That aside, I still appreciate your answer.

I would like to focus on part of what you personally respect as your own evidence to your identity. That is, the presence of shifts and phantom-limbs.

This, in my experience, is probably the most commonly shared feature between those who are part of the therian community (otherkin as well, but I want to focus on therianthropy for now). I think it would be closely followed by those having past-life memories of being their therioside or having dreams of being their theriosides. (Once again, this from my own experience.)

My personal dilemma (strictly in my relating to the rest of the community) is that I pretty much lack all of the experiences I just described.

So perhaps my lack of shifting could be explained away by my being a "contherian" or "suntherian". And they say not all experience phantom limbs (as common and broadcasted as this experience is). You can say the same for past-life memories and "dream-shifting". Therefore, though I could theoretically fall into simply being a rarity, is it more likely that I've mistaken myself?

I confess: I do not remember what first inspired the idea that a being tiger was my most proper form. Before I dramatized it and wove the identity into my literature, I can't point to the seed. A dream? A tangible feeling? A philosophical suggestion? A desire? Or maybe just pure self-fulfilling imagination?

It no longer troubles me because I know how I am regardless of how I label myself. But to challenge the definition, I offer my own experiences as something to discuss (and not with just you but the community as a whole).

I did make a post where I expressed my doubts, btw. I know very well that even though I think things though I can still be terribly mistaken. Does anyone have more to say about what I could be or the topic in general (including you, of course, angrylionshark)?

[kalebron]

Being Awesome by Myself

This entry is short, I promise.

That doesn't mean I don't want friends.

That doesn't mean I'll avoid or dislike others.

It just means that I've decided that at least for now I my priority is myself.

It sounds selfish when I put it that way, but if you consider that one of the characteristics that I want to perfect is being an understanding person it actually works out for everyone.

My self-perception will not be dependent on the presence of others favoring, respecting, or talking to me. I am who am with or without them. It's a truth that I have failed to really honor.

Of course, there is always that possibility that I've chosen this path to justify not striving for friends and such.I have had a difficulty with this throughout my entire life (my struggle only disappearing in band class in highschool), so it's quite logically to presume that I'm "giving up".

It's true that I'm not going to care anymore. It's also true that I'm not going to actively try. However, I'm not out to do the opposite and avoid people.

I think I've been passively fighting a battle that was not even the point. Here I am trying to better myself, and for some reason—as much as I tell myself that I'm not—I still wind up waiting for others to justify my progress.

Dude. I'm awesome regardless.

It's not my fault people don't realize how awesome I am. And I'm not any less awesome if no one notices. Maybe I'm even more awesome for being awesome in secret because it shows how awesome my priorities are. Why do I need someone to tell me that I'm awesome, even if it's only one (awesome) person?

I will be awesome as my own awesome self in my own awesome world, then I will use my awesomeness to do awesome things and reach awesome goals which will include meeting awesome people and affecting people in awesome ways.

I will not sacrifice being awesome for achieving mediocrity among friends. We are meant for each other: I will never neglect that. But I can't be as much of a good service to others if I had not become as awesome as I could be.

So why am I not being that proactive on tumblr?

Because I'm too busy becoming awesome!

Sweet dreams,

~Kalebron

[kalebron]

Poem: Is it so Bad?

Is it so bad To be destined to be alone To let everyone come and go While I do the work on my own

Is it so bad To not have any friends When it never really "works out" But I do make amends

Is it so bad To live by myself Where other's influence on me Is limited to the photos on my shelf

Is it so bad To simply stop trying To focus on growing myself And not lying

What do I want? What do I need? Why does it matter? I can still succeed

We're not the same We never were I don't need one to pet me Just so I can purr

I follow my own path As far as it goes I may not find fiends But neither will I find foes

Free of distractions From emotional maintenance I can be free To master my sentience