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Katrina. XVII. Studentmonth, day, year

[rosyglosse]

https://instagram.com/p/BcozjY1gUxE/

[kanakoui]

050916 - 20:45

It's been a while and I'm sorry I haven't updated since last year or just New Years. I've been a bit busy and actually happy so I haven't found the time to spill my heart out. In general, I hope you all are doing well and staying happy. I have been too.

[kanakoui]

I'm going to be happy and I'm going to do what's best for me this year.

[y-oji]

ig: soobinnnn

[kanakoui]

I always bring out my best when I write in the morning. Just randomly waking up and writing exactly what I'm thinking. I love it.

[kanakoui]

012416 - 6:03

Other than me being sad and a bit emotional at 6 am, I would like to say happy late New Years to you guys and today marks about 4 years since I've had this blog. I'm definitely excited about it since my own title say "a letter to me in 3 years so I'll be reading back at some of my old things soon. I hope you guys are doing well.

[kanakoui]

012416 - 5:50

Sometimes I do get my head stuck in the clouds with all of this. I get so happy that everything feels right and that I’m so happy again. I get insanely happy because I get to feel the whole sensation all over again, just like last year but better. I’ve never been so in love with someone just wanting to start everything with them. Having everything planned and getting it worked through. It’s perfect and I can’t be anymore happier about it.

But sometimes I need to tell myself that you don’t care still and that this is all a lie. That all of this is a lie. I don’t think it’s possible for you to even suddenly come back to me like how you did. That we became us again so quickly. I don’t think it’s even possible for someone to love me like how you say you do. All of this has to be a lie. You don’t care about me still and you’re just using me. You’re using me all over again for whatever I can give you. I never mattered to you and never will.

At the same time, am I only telling myself it’s a lie because I can’t come to realization that I’m actually going to be happy like how I once was again?

[ha-roro]

↠ j.ellpe

[tyedyed-sunsets]

I need to be held so fucking tight by someone who actually thinks I’m worth something

[kanakoui]

120915 - 23:33

I'm on the verge of having a huge break down, but some how I'm managing to hold it in. I'm managing in someway and somehow to hold it in. To hold back my tears and breathe calmly. But I don't want to. I want to cry, I want to break down and I want to let this all out, but I can't.

[kanakoui]

I hate having the sudden feeling of having to hide my feelings

[kanakoui]

I'm slowly getting tired of all the fake people around me. I can tell they're being fake and I stay away from them but fuck it's so fucking annoying to see them around.

[kanakoui]

I wish you still read my blog

[kanakoui]

I managed to sleep 16 hours yesterday but I still wake up so tired

[kanakoui]

120415 - 00:04

It seems that whenever I am actually blunt about how I'm feeling a different problem comes up other than that I'm sad or upset. I can never be blunt about how I'm feeling, it actually feels like I can't even care about my feelings but have to constantly deal with yours. Whether you're upset or sad or something's happening, I suddenly feel the need to drop my feelings tend to yours.

[kanakoui]

120215 - 23:34

My writing skills aren't at my best anymore just because I haven't been thinking a lot lately. But that always changes when it rains. When it rains I think about everything. I can say I love the rain, but at the same time I hate it. I hate it because it brings back too many memories. Too many memories as in everything is suddenly flooding my head. Flooded with thoughts of the smallest things that turn into big things. Things that didn't matter but suddenly do just because I let myself over think it. I love the rain truly, but at a time like this I really wish it was as hot as the sun so I'm not over thinking as much.

[kanakoui]

120115 - 14:40

That's what I hate. The thought and concept of losing someone. The simple fact that you can know someone completely inside and out one day, but the next day it's something completely different. They're completely different and it's like everything was a lie. Don't get me wrong, I know that this happens all the time to everyone there is in the world, but I hate it still. If I hated anything more than my mom it would be this. This idea, this fact, concept, thought, whatever it actually is, I hate it.