Slipping Through My Fingers
Pairing: Monsta X Kihyun x fem reader (she/her pronouns) Summary: You’ve been hooking up with Kihyun for a few months—until you’re not. When it’s obvious you both have feelings but refuse to act on them, Kihyun’s mom nudges you two in the right direction. Wordcount: 4450 Content notes: smut, sex with a condom Genre/themes/appearances: fluff, smut, fwb to lovers, pesky feelings, stubborn refusal of feelings, meddling mothers, getting to know Kihyun’s adorable parents, Kihyun is jealous but he doesn’t realize it, YN and Kihyun are both so stubborn omg
“Ahjussi! You dropped your scarf! Ahjussi!”
The older man turned toward you, as did the older woman who was holding his elbow. You rushed down the sidewalk toward them, holding a soft midnight blue scarf in your outstretched hand. As you neared him, the man’s brows changed from an expression of confusion to an expression of delight.
The woman clapped her hands with joy. “Thank you so much! Where was it? I can’t believe you dropped it!” She hit the man’s chest with her fist while still smiling at you.
The silky soft fibers of the scarf slid past your fingertips as he grasped the end and pulled it toward him. “Thank you,” he said with a gravelly voice and a genuine smile.
“It’s no trouble! I saw it fall as you left the building and I was right behind you. I’m glad I caught you!”
“You’re such a sweet girl!” the woman said happily. “I hope you have a wonderful evening!”
“Thank you so much,” you replied, smiling back at the couple. “I hope you do, too!” You turned back to enter the apartment building they had just exited.
*
Kihyun scrolled aimlessly on his phone while you went to refill your glass of water. Suddenly a notification appeared from his mother.
‘Your father almost lost his scarf outside your apartment! The sweetest young woman picked it up and ran down the street to return it.’
‘Wow! How did she know it was his?’
‘She saw it fall. I wish I had asked for her phone number. I should have taken her out for a meal to thank her.’
‘I’m sure she was happy to help.’
‘I’m glad he got it back. It’s one of his favorite gifts from you.’
He looked up as you walked back into the bedroom. His stomach twisted at seeing you in the shirt he had yanked off himself earlier that evening. After a few months of hooking up, Kihyun was starting to like seeing you in his clothes a little too much.
You put down the glass and grabbed your phone before climbing back in bed to sit beside him, leaving a little space between yourself and his bare chest. Kihyun twitched the covers up over your crossed legs and looked back at his phone.
“I think I’ll probably go to Jooheon’s album release party this weekend,” you said.
Kihyun nodded, leaning against the headboard. “She is a star, and the album he produced is spectacular.”
“You heard it already?”
“Some of it. He asked me to listen to a few of the songs when he was working on them.”
“Are you going to be at the party?” You dropped your phone in your lap and looked at him. Kihyun heard the question you didn’t ask out loud.
“Yeah, I am,” he replied, meeting your eyes. “If you call a car to take you there, I can drive us back here after.”
“Okay.” You continued to look at each other. What was it about the way this man gazed at you? It made your skin tingle. You broke eye contact and tried to think of something extremely tame to change the subject.
“I ran into this older couple outside earlier,” you said, leaning toward the bedside table to pick up your glass of water and take a sip. “This man dropped his scarf and his wife was so thrilled that I found it. It was adorable! They both seemed so happy to have the scarf back. They were so cute.”
Kihyun furrowed his brow and put down his phone. “What color was the scarf?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” You laughed and put the glass back on the table. He seemed serious for some reason.
“What color was it?” he asked, sounding almost accusatory.
“It was dark blue,” you replied. “Why does it matter?”
“My mom just texted me about that,” Kihyun said, surprised. “She said my dad dropped his scarf and someone gave it back to him.”
You laughed and leaned forward toward him. “Are you serious?! Those were your parents? You never said they were so adorable!”
“To be fair, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about my parents.”
“No, you’re probably right. It would kill the mood.”
“The mood?” Kihyun asked, slipping his hand under your borrowed shirt to slide his hand along your lower back. He looked over at you and parted his lips. “This mood?”
Your breath caught in your throat. How did he always manage to change the atmosphere in a split second?
He tugged you toward him and you moved to straddle him, abandoning your phone. Kihyun’s oversized tee was riding up your thighs and he helped it along, pushing his hands higher and higher until you raised your arms to help him take it off.
You held his face and kissed him hungrily. You could feel yourself dripping already. Your body always went into overdrive for Kihyun. It’s the reason why one hookup after a friend’s birthday party turned into coming over at least once a week and letting him make you come over and over.
Kihyun’s palms slid down your back to grip your bare ass. You twisted your hips against him while your kisses became deeper. You didn’t care about the wet spot you were leaving on his sweatpants on top of his cock. Your clit needed the friction and you needed to feel how hard he was.
You tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants so you could get against his skin. You were naked and he was not, and that wasn't fair because he should be inside you. He shimmied out of the sweatpants while you knelt on top of him kissing him.
You broke the kiss as Kihyun tossed his sweatpants off to the side. You looked down at him from above, breathing heavily and staring into his eyes. You felt a small thrill of power at seeing him gaze up at you that way. Usually he was the one touting his power when he fucked you senseless.
You ran your hands along his long neck and across his muscular shoulders, then you moved slightly until your wet folds grazed the top of his cock. You were so sensitive to the barely-there touch and Kihyun was just as affected, judging by the way a muscle twitched at his clenched jaw.
He gripped your ass tighter as you began shifting your hips to grind against his cock without breaking eye contact. You held on to his shoulders for leverage. Kihyun loved to see what he was doing to you and feel what he was doing to you. Your wetness smeared all along his cock as you shifted up and down, angling for more pressure on your clit as he lifted up toward you with every twist of your hips.
You felt a moan nearly slip through your lips, but you bit your tongue to hold it in. You didn’t want Kihyun to have the satisfaction of knowing quite how far gone you were from a few moments on top of him.
“I know you’re close. You’re not hiding it very well. You should come, I want to see.”
You scoffed and covered his mouth with your thumb. Kihyun was such a know-it-all sometimes. Instead he opened his mouth and pulled your thumb into his mouth, sucking gently and running his tongue flat along your whole fingerprint. You gasped and clenched inside.
As you watched Kihyun’s mouth intently, he brought his hands up to your hips to guide you along his cock at the perfect angle. He would do anything to prove he was making you come and you weren’t doing it on your own. But you couldn’t complain. After all, he was doing all this to make sure you orgasm again tonight before you leave.
All the stimulation was becoming unbearable, and you pulled your thumb from his mouth so you could kiss him again. Kihyun pulled you tighter against him and dug his fingernails into your hips. He buried his face in your chest, licking and kissing the inside of your breasts.
The extra pressure on your clit led you to throw your head back as you came. You moaned his name loudly, overpowered by the strength of the waves rolling through your body. Kihyun gently nibbled on your breast and the tiny pricks from his teeth made your orgasm more intense. You pulsed inside, empty, wishing his hard cock was filling you up with that delicious pressure within.
Kihyun’s fingers gripped your hips, holding you down on him and pressing your clit against his wet cock as he thrust up toward you. He didn't give you a moment to recover as he urged you toward a second orgasm. He was covered in your wetness based on the way you were sliding all over him in your desperation for him. It was you who made him filthy like that.
Heady with power, you felt yourself approaching another orgasm much more quickly than you expected. “I think—I might—again—” you gasped, still moving against him. In a flash, Kihyun grabbed an extra condom from under the pillow next to him and tore open the packet.
“I’ll be inside you soon,” Kihyun promised, placing you on his thighs. You panted as he put on the condom, watching his hands go all the way down the length of his cock. You pushed up to kneel and carefully slid down onto his cock, gliding smoothly over him thanks to the wetness still dripping out of you.
You gasped quietly as he filled you. You stretched inside to fit him, and you clenched around him as he licked his lips and locked his eyes with yours. Kihyun wrapped his strong arms around you tightly, holding you close so he could watch the expressions on your face. You pressed your palms against his wide chest, needing to get the perfect angle as he watched you ride him recklessly.
When he began powerful thrusts upwards you moaned loudly and closed your eyes. You rolled your hips against him, and Kihyun brought his fingers to work your swollen clit. You came again, groaning his name and arching your back as he watched with a possessive hunger in his eyes. So quickly after the last one, because that’s what he did to you. Every time.
*
‘You remember the woman who found appa's scarf?’
‘Of course! She was so sweet.’
‘She’s a friend of mine. She told me what happened yesterday and I realized it was the same person.’
‘I am so surprised! We need to take her out to dinner to thank her.’
‘I’m not sure that’s necessary, she was happy to help you’
‘We are going to have dinner on Friday, all four of us. You know we like to meet your friends. Your father will be so happy to see her again.’
Kihyun groaned in frustration and leaned his head back on the couch. He had debated revealing to his mother that he knew you, and now it had come to the least acceptable outcome. He knew there was no stopping his mother once she put her mind to something.
He opened up his message thread with you and stared at it. The two of you didn’t text besides checking on the other person’s schedule. Kihyun had a feeling you would jump at the chance to meet his parents. He wasn’t sure how he felt about introducing them to… what were you, even? Someone he saw more often than most of his actual friends.
‘I told my mom I knew the scarf girl’
‘Scarf girl! I feel like a superhero. What did she say?’
‘She wants to take you out to dinner on Friday. You can say no.’
‘Tell me where and when. I can’t wait to see them again. I have questions for them.’
‘You could have said no’
‘You knew I wouldn’t’
‘Here’s the reservation. They don’t know about, you know’
‘I figured. I’m meeting the girls after but I’ll tell them I’ll be late.’
*
Kihyun watched you gesture wildly while his parents laughed at the story you told. They looked genuinely happy. He never really had a chance to watch them. When he was with them (even if his introverted brother was around) the three of them kept up a running conversation of comfortable chatter peppered with laughter.
You caught his eye for a moment and sent him a smile. He felt butterflies in his stomach. Is this what it felt like to introduce someone to your parents? He had never been serious enough with anyone to let them meet his mother, as much as she needled him about it.
“Oh YN! You are a breath of fresh air!” his mother exclaimed, putting her hands over her heart. “You are like the daughter I always wanted!”
“Eomma.” Kihyun rolled his eyes. It was so like her to exaggerate a little in every scenario, but he had to admit he was surprised by how easily the four of you had developed a special dynamic.
“I’m so glad we met you. I don’t know where Kihyun was hiding you,” she scolded playfully.
“You are too kind,” you replied. “We haven’t known each other very long, but we have friends in common.”
Later, as he drove his parents home, he sat unusually quietly while his mother effused about how much she enjoyed spending time with you. He felt unsettled. He enjoyed spending that time with you, too.
*
“So… I think we should take a little break.”
Kihyun turned toward you in surprise as he brushed his teeth. “What?” he asked, mouth full. He spit into the sink and rinsed, putting his toothbrush away.
Kihyun turned his full attention toward you and crossed his arms, still standing in the bathroom. You faced him, leaning on the doorway. “Why?” he asked.
“I went on a blind date the other day. I didn’t want to, I kind of did it as a favor to my cousin. But I think I like him. I don’t know. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”
“What way?”
“I don’t know!” you said, exasperated, standing up straight and throwing up your hands. You didn’t want to have this conversation either. You probably should have said something earlier tonight, but the way he had literally thrown you onto the couch when you arrived and crawled over you to bite your collarbone had you thinking about other things at the time.
“Is that what you want? To go on dates? I can take you on a date.”
“It’s not that simple, Kihyun.” You glared at each other in silence.
“Okay, we can stop then, if that’s what you want.”
It wasn’t what either of you wanted, but you were both too stubborn to admit it.
*
Your eyes glazed over as your date spoke. He kept talking about his job today, something to do with finance. You weren’t sure. He had barely paused to eat. He didn’t ask any questions about you or your day.
Kihyun would never do that. You kept finding yourself comparing him to Kihyun. It was maddening. You weren’t even talking to him anymore, not that you ever really talked to him besides asking if he was busy later. Well, you did talk to him after and between.
You had always enjoyed talking to him when you were together at his apartment. You knew you enjoyed talking to him ever since that birthday party where you hit it off and he asked you to go home with him. But his text message thread had been silent for over a week.
This guy seemed cute and interesting on your first date at the cafe. Now you were wondering if a caffeine overdose that day had tricked you into thinking he made your heart race.
You took a deep breath and resolved to tell him after dinner that there wouldn’t be a third date.
*
“How is YN doing?” Kihyun’s mother asked, putting down her chopsticks. Kihyun looked over at his dad, who was pointedly looking at his dinner plate.
“I’m sure she’s doing well. We’re not that close.”
“Oh, really? She’s lovely. I thought you two might be dating.”
Kihyun choked on his rice and coughed before taking a big gulp of water. “No! Why would you think that?”
His mom shrugged. “Just a feeling. I like her, maybe you should date her.”
“I think she’s seeing someone.”
He saw his parents share a glance across the table. What was going on right now? Was he in an alternate reality? He thought he was simply sharing a meal with them in his family home, as he did often.
“Hmm.”
Kihyun looked at his mother in shock. He couldn’t think of the last time she was speechless. He was like her: she liked to have the last word, and so did he.
He couldn’t figure out how to move on from this bizarre exchange. He decided to pretend it didn’t happen. Besides, he hadn’t heard from you in a few weeks anyway.
*
You stared at your phone as it rang in your hand. Kihyun’s mom was calling you.
She had asked for your number at dinner and you gave it to her without thinking. When would she ever have a reason to use it?
“Hello?” you said tentatively.
“YN! How are you?” Kihyun’s mother’s bubbly excitement made you relax and smile. She chatted with you about your day and hers, then she got to her reason for calling.
“My friend went to a lovely tea house with her daughter last week, and she told me all about it when we met today. The pictures were so beautiful! The view of the mountain was wonderful, and they had such a good time there. It made me think of you. I thought maybe you would be interested in going there with me?”
You nearly melted. What a sweet request! There was no excuse you could come up with to decline gracefully. And you didn’t want to admit that the prospect of making this woman happy made you happy, too.
“Of course! That sounds great. Send me the details. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”
“Oh, I’m so happy to hear that! Kihyun’s father and I enjoyed meeting you so much. I’m glad I’ll see you again.”
Your heart squeezed painfully at the mention of Kihyun.
*
You looked out the window at the spectacular view of Bukhansan. The mountain was green and vibrant against a cloudless sky. The tea house was perfectly situated on a hill, and the owners took advantage by building large windows into the walls of the traditional structure.
“Here are your tea selections!” You turned toward the tray being placed on your low table.
Kihyun’s mother met your eye gleefully as you watched the owner of the tea shop pour steaming water over the bundles of tea leaves. You were growing to adore her sense of joy in small things. After a few minutes of chatting as you both reviewed the menu of tea options, you realized there would be no awkwardness today because she was a warm and engaging person. You truly understood that her happiness over seeing her husband’s scarf in your hand was part of who she was.
Conversation flowed as you each sampled the treats you ordered while waiting for the tea to cool. Every so often, there was a natural lull as you both stared out the window at the mountain.
You tried not to think about how comfortable it felt to spend time with Kihyun’s mom. She was an older woman you respected who wanted to spend time with a young person who was close to her son. You were taught to respect your elders, and you couldn’t say no when she asked you to meet her.
After finishing the delicious tea, Kihyun’s mother asked where you were going afterwards. You explained you were going to a bookstore to pick up a book they had specially ordered for you.
“Oh, that’s near where Kihyun lives!” Your heart stopped. Yes, it was, and you were trying hard not to think about it.
“Oh, is it?” you asked, voice catching as you lied.
She picked up her phone. “I’ll send him a message. He’s in this area now, and he said he would drop me off at the nail salon after this because it’s on his way home.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary—”
“Done!” she interrupted. “He says he is happy to give you a ride, too.”
You found that very difficult to believe. There was no way he knew who else would be in the car, but it was too late now.
*
Kihyun parked the SUV outside the tea house. He was a few minutes early, but he knew his mother would linger to thank the owners. To his surprise, a moment later he saw her walking toward him, followed by—
No.
When she said her friend needed a ride to his neighborhood, Kihyun acquiesced without thinking. He assumed it would be an easy drive of asking questions about someone’s children or grandchildren. He didn’t know she counted you among her “friends.” How long had this been going on? What was going on?
Kihyun could see the look of misery you were trying to hide as you followed his mom to the car. He relaxed his tense shoulders. At least it didn’t seem like a situation you had concocted. That wasn’t your style, anyway. But you could have at least warned him before he arrived.
Kihyun’s mother opened the passenger door with a big smile on her face. She turned back toward you and said, “You should sit in the front because I’m going to get out of the car soon. You’ll be more comfortable up there.” Before Kihyun could object, she had opened the back door and climbed into the SUV.
You and Kihyun looked at each other through the open door. You did not want to be here. But at the same time… you missed seeing him. You missed being with him. Maybe one car ride wouldn’t be awkward, especially with his mother in the backseat. She would be able to carry the whole conversation herself.
“Get in!” his mother encouraged. You climbed in and buckled your seatbelt. It had been a month since you had been in his car, but you spotted your hairclip in the cupholder and had to look away. He probably didn’t even realize it was still there.
As you predicted, Kihyun’s mother cheerily kept up the conversation, with a few responses here and there from you and Kihyun when she prodded. She made you get out of the car to hug her when they stopped outside the nail salon but wouldn’t walk away until you got back into the car and closed the door.
You bit your lip. “I can call a car, you don’t have to drive me.” You pulled out your phone and opened a rideshare app.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kihyun responded, and before you knew it he was driving away from the nail salon. You looked up from your phone as the buildings passed you by.
“Do you two hang out a lot?” Kihyun asked after a few minutes of silence. He sounded curious. You expected him to be angry or frustrated, but for some reason he wasn’t.
“No, this was the first time. She called me the other day and I couldn’t say no.” You peeked over at him to see his reaction.
Kihyun smiled and his whole face changed. “It’s hard to say no to her.”
After a few more minutes of quiet driving, Kihyun spoke again. “So, am I dropping you off at that guy’s apartment?”
“What guy?” you asked, confused.
“From your blind date.”
“Oh, we only went on a few dates. That’s over.”
You fell into silence again. You could almost hear the gears turning in his head. You desperately wished you could ask him what was on his mind. Sighing, you turned to look out the window.
“I had dinner at my parents’ house the other day,” Kihyun said suddenly, “and they asked me if we were dating.”
You whipped your head toward him in shock. “They what?!”
“I was surprised, too. My mom said she had a feeling.”
“A feeling?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means either,” he laughed. “But I’m starting to think she’s trying to do some matchmaking.”
“Matchmaking?” What was wrong with your brain? You were parroting him and unable to make complete sentences.
“You should just let me take you out on that date.” He glanced at you sideways.
“I—” You began speaking but shut your mouth. Way too much happened in the last few minutes. You needed a second to process. Was he asking if they could be together again? Wasn’t that exactly what you wanted?
“You mean go on a date, me and you?”
“Yes.”
"Why?"
"Why?"
You watched him as he slowed the car to a stop at a red light. Kihyun turned to meet your eyes. He took a deep breath. He looked unsure of himself. Something about his vulnerability made this moment more potent for you.
"Because I miss you." Your breath caught in your throat as he began. "I didn't realize I used to see you more than anyone else. When we… stopped… all of a sudden, I never saw you anymore. I never got to talk to you anymore. I wanted to hear what you were thinking about. I wanted to see you looking at me. I wanted our friends to see you beside me. I wanted you to smile at me and to laugh at me. I wanted to fuck you so badly, too," he chuckled. "That part drove me a little crazy." The light turned green and he looked away from you.
"Oh." This was a lot to take in. You hadn't sat down to think about it before. All you knew was you had missed him so much over these past few weeks, and he had always been on your mind. And not just the sex.
From the way he laid it out, it sounded like he had thought about his feelings a lot more than you expected him to. Maybe if the two of you did decide to make a go of it, you would be on equal footing. Maybe it was worth a try. Maybe it was time to start over, or pick up where you left off, or something, whatever, but together.
You smiled and relaxed into the seat. “Okay, then. Yes. Take me out on a date.”
A/N Part 2 is up! I love these characters too much: Part 2, Sweet on You
and here is Part 3, a prequel: Seeing is Believing
