The Wonderful Amazing Relationship Machine: Skype
When I was a girl my grandmother lived a few blocks from my house. She dropped in about 4 after her work and helped my mother with the kids and chatted. I’d walk home from grammar school and stop at her house which was on the way back, to visit and chat and of course get some candy. When I was 15 I went to work for her summers and we commuted together. My grandmother was my great role model and close confidant until she died at 93.
Now I am a grandmother. But we have created a culture where remote work, family, and friends are the “way things are.” Children move away from parents and parents also move away to warmer weather from adult children. Businesses choose to work with people who are remote for a variety of reasons and workers choose to move for their family and then work remote. We are, as a culture, committed to living our lives our way in our locations. But we are also committed to keeping our real relationships alive.
The Cool Project revealed the profound joy people get from interacting with and sharing their lives with the people who really matter to them. They love their cool technologies because technology allows them to “drop in” by phone or Skype or IM on the people that matter in their lives frequently—without having to stop life to travel. Technology allows them to share pictures and movies and all kinds of content which help keep up a back-and-forth conversation with the people they care about. And technology allows them to do things together—really do things as though they were actually together.
A few weeks ago I was Skyping with my almost 5-year-old granddaughter, Noa. I hadn’t used Skype much before, in part because we had to find a mutually available time. But also because up until now it didn’t feel real. Looking at the kids squirming in their Dad’s lap and then running off wasn’t particularly fun—it felt like peering into a picture frame. “Attending” a Chanukah gathering with the computer propped at the end of the living room to “see” everyone open gifts was a little like being there—but the demands on the kids' attention in the room were of course greater than the attention I could draw. It was like peering into someone else’s movie.
But last week was a sea change and Skype started to be a way to maintain a real relationship with my granddaughter. What happened? My son called and said, “Do you want to Skype with Noa?” I hadn’t seen them in about 4 weeks so I stopped what I was doing. “Sure.” We got on the line and again I saw my granddaughter and my grandson squirming around waving. “Noa is really drawing a lot now,” my son said. “Really?” I said. “Noa, should we draw together?” So she got her paper and I got mine and she got her colors and I got mine and side-by-side we had “drawing time with Grandma.” “What should we make?” I asked. “Let’s draw you and me as princesses!” she said—and we started the back and forth commentary typical of real side-by-side drawing.
N: Give me long hair.
G: Ok, look at this—holding up the picture—Now I’m giving me curly hair.
N: Let me see!
G: Should I give us a crown?
N: Yes—I’m making a crown too!
G: Now I’m making a magic wand.
N: I need a fancy dress.
G: Ok I’m giving you ruffles—look at this!
Back and forth we went, drawing in parallel, showing each other the drawings and commenting on them, discussing the colors and the pictures to draw. Over a 2-hour period we drew Noa and Grandma as princesses, Noa and Grandma sledding (it was snowing out), Noa and Grandma in the summer eating ice-cream, and Noa and Grandma ice-skating.
Sometimes my video would cut out:
N: Can you see me Grandma? I can’t see you.
G: Yes (I could see her even if she couldn’t see me)
N: That’s ok Grandma, we’ll just talk while we draw.
Then my network would kick back in and the picture came back and we’d go back to showing each other our pictures. No question having the video was better than only talk—but we drew through the glitches.
Two hours later, I was ready for a break. She was not. Two hours on Skype, two hours drawing, two real hours of talking with and doing something with my granddaughter. This was a real visit—like I had with my own Grandma. Spending that much time together was amazing to me and to her dad.
The next week Dad wanted to do it again when Mom left him with the kids and went for a run. Grandma the entertainer and “babysitter”—this time we showed each other things—my grandson (1.5) showed me his trucks and I showed him my trucks and he cried because I wouldn’t give it to him!
Last weekend I want for an in-person visit and again Noa and I drew, and again we drew side-by-side and we drew princesses. But this time we could co-create—we drew on each other’s pictures.
Technology is not exactly the same as real interaction. And technology alone is not going to be enough to create new relationships. But technology is helping people maintain a real relationship. The data supporting the Cool Concept of Connection reveals that at the very center of maintaining real relationships is frequent contact.
Skype is “so cool” because grandparents, like me, use Skype to read and sing to their grandchildren in Ireland. Sales people use it to read the non-verbals of their clients in Geneva—on the iPad while sitting in the car (parked!) for a meeting. An Italian niece watched her great-aunt in Italy make a traditional bread so she could learn.
Dropping in through Skype to talk and do is not the same as being together—but it can be close. It is not enough all by itself to grow a relationship but it can bridge the distance between real times together. Two hours drawing because of technology? I still wish they were closer, but two hours drawing together remotely—that is simply amazing!














