Accidently On Purpose

"A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know"- Dianne Arbus  online

[karlacosmetica]

I wish he said I'm beautiful I wish it didn't hurt at all I don't know how I got here I was once the one who had his heart

[karlacosmetica]

I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back. Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next was harder. I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse, and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time. Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug, whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile. I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheet, I begin to lose you all over again.

[karlacosmetica]

“He said to me “You’re perfect, and I want you to be mine.” But I felt I wasn’t worthy and to be perfect, I’ll need time. I knew it would be worth it, I could be better if I tried, then he got tired of waiting— and I watched my chance go by.”

Excerpt From: Lang Leav. “Lullabies.” iBooks.

[karlacosmetica]

“I know that I don’t own you, and perhaps I never will, so my anger when you’re with her, I have no right to feel.

I know that you don’t owe me, and I shouldn’t ask for more; I shouldn’t feel so let down, all the times when you don’t call.

What I feel—I shouldn’t show you, so when you’re around I won’t; I know I’ve no right to feel it but it doesn’t mean I don’t.”

- Lang Leav

[karlacosmetica]

i feel like I’m suffocating in the middle of the street and no one can see me dying.

[karlacosmetica]

Yes, keep degrading yourself, soul. But soon your chance at dignity will be gone. Everyone gets one life. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others

Marcus Aurelius

[karlacosmetica]

I don't understand this distance. I don't understand it. I do, but why so sudden? Why the sudden cold shoulders? Why does it feel like I've lost you as a friend too? Is there someone else? Have you moved on already?

[karlacosmetica]

I was never good at understanding feelings. Feelings is one of those things that I seem to have a lot of but i never wanted to deal with. 

In the past, I’d feel certain things - negative things and I’ll just sweep it under the carpet. I’ll acknowledge that to an extent I’m feeling say.. sad about a certain situation but thats it. I then sweep and move on. I don’t bother trying to understand why I’m feeling that way, why I’m reacting a certain way to it etc and so forth. 

So imagine all these feelings of negativity just stacking itself one ontop of each other with no resolution. Not understanding, just a bunch of feels thrown into a corner. That corner will obviously get filled, and once its filled the feels have to go somewhere. Like a cup that’s overflowing. And that is how i break down - because I don’t resolve anything. I don’t face and I don’t understand. All i do is just react, and sweep and move on. 

That is until today. Today I acknowledge that I was feeling upset. I was sad, and I asked myself why? Yeah so I wasn’t so great at it - it resulted in my swinging between breaking down and being completely numb and then just meditating to calm everything the fuck down. It got to the point where a million and one thoughts just ran across my mind and I had no control over it, everything was just everywhere and I wanted it to stop. I wanted to just stop - because each thought and memory just made me more and more miserable. 

I didn’t have a hang of things and for a second it felt like everything was falling apart again. The feeling of not having control is not a good one, especially when its supposed to be control of the thing that makes you you. 

[karlacosmetica]

We're Better Than Your Girlfriend

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[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[fingerblaster116-deactivated201]

“I’m on my way!” I say as I remain naked in bed

[karlacosmetica]

The ego often speaks first; and often cruelly

[lizardbby]

not a day goes by where i do not give thanks for Nicki Minaj

[northgang]

[karlacosmetica]

As a lotus flower is born in water and rises out of water to stand above it unsoiled, so I, born in the world, raised in the world having overcome the world, live unsoiled by the world 🙏 THANK YOU @knull_void #lotus #tattoo #inkedgirlsarebetter #assassass #pinktattoostelawi #lotustattoo #igdaily #igkl #girlswithtattoo

[tattooed-goddesses]

[sophieasweetheart]

I wish I had those “ain’t gotta wear a bra” titties.