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[karynscho]

Your Worth

Life is too short. Too short to spend it with the negative, The unappreciative, The ungrateful, The one uppers, or the put downers. Those who never say please, and don’t know how to say thank you. Who can’t forgive your yesterdays and don’t care about your tomorrow’s. The selfish, self-centered, self-serving, self-indulgent self-righteous, self pitying, self obsessed. The “I’m always right”-ers and the “you’re always wrong”-ers. The drama queens and kings, The attention seekers, the ignorers, The gossipers, the back stabbers, The finger-pointers and blame-gamers. The lazy. The undisciplined. The demanding. The life drainers.

Life is too short. Too short to spend it with anyone other than the positive. The grateful, The thankful, The appreciative. The loving, and giving and open and listening and accepting. Those who forgive your yesterday’s & look forward to your tomorrow’s. Who forget your faults and celebrate your strength. Who know truth, and light and love and joy. Who can laugh with you and cry with you- even when their own joys or sorrows may be greater. Who have strength of spirit, determination and the ability to try again and again. Who will back you without question and support you without reason. Who know the meaning of unconditional. The life affirming.

Life is too short. So grab that broom! Sweep out those who breed negativity, And color your life with those who know joy! Because you are worth more. And life is too short.

[karynscho]

Unemployed

I check the want ads repeatedly  Read through the numerous internet sites of job postings and local companies.  I do this daily. Like a zealot, this, the pursuit of employment, has become my religion.

I pray for a new listing. Something different from yesterday… And the day before… And the day before that.  Something that fits me. Something that I fit. Something  To give me back the dignity that has slowly been leaking out of my soul these past several months. A life line. 

Cover letters & resumes, Being printed & mailed, Being emailed Being dropped off in person to a self-righteous office assistant who looks at me with pity & doesn’t know how lucky she is to have a job.  My resume being added to the pile of applications already received. To eventually be scanned by someone who doesn’t know me, Know my work ethic, My personality, My name. And that fancy, ridiculous resume paper that I can barely afford  Ends up in the garbage, Or the shredder, Or the incinerator…

And I wait.

Wait for the day that the listing closes. Wait for the phone call requesting an interview. Wait for someone to toss me that rope and give me a chance to climb up and prove myself.

But the calls rarely come. There’s just too many of us competing for the same job. Too many of us needing that chance. Too many who have that extra in- Knows a friend of a friend. Is the managers niece, Went to school with someone’s brother. It’s often not about what you know, but WHO you know. And here, in this town, I’m a stranger, A no one  An outsider who has been trying to get in. An unknown.

If the call comes, the excitement  the nerves  the sense of hope  are all mixed up inside me.

I choose an outfit. I do my hair & make up I walk with confidence and smile and laugh and try to sell myself without looking desperate. And I hear interest in their voices, the group of people interviewing me.

Yes group. It’s always 3-6 people.  If this is news to you, you haven’t been on a job interview in awhile have you? 

So I hear interest And I feel hope. And I wait to get that next phone call… And I wait. And I wait. And wait.

But it doesn’t come.

At last the company might send a letter- Informing me how grateful they are for my interest in the position… However- How. ever. How. Ever… I am  overqualified… under qualified… I would be unhappy working for hourly pay… I need to set my sights higher. Or lower. Or “we’ve chosen another candidate”

Excuses made up ways to nicely say YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH  to work here. Not good enough to break your back for us.

Not Good Enough.

And with that letter, and the waiting, And the hope And the possibility that I might finally be able to regain some self respect… All being crushed…

I climb in my bed and cry.

Only to get up the next day  and start looking again. Because like I said- Right now It’s my religion.