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Shoelace Foe

[kashrime]

Me reading my quotev journals and realizing that it was like if 13 year old super immature me had tumblr

[kashrime]

Childhood.

The the swing blows and clatters against the tree

Like a gust of forgotten memories

The Energy to go off and run free

To live a life with no stress or worries

And yet the carelessness fades rapidly

We are plagued with desires for success

The concept of growing up too quickly

And we grow at our childhood's expense

The current killer is now nostalgia

Seeing as every small hint takes me back

Memories pour like falls of Niagra

Heart bursting like a comforting attack

Oh, the desire to return to those days

To watch the spirit that's fading these days

[kashrime]

what is growing up?

what was it that i so desired about growing up?

is aging hand in hand with my mental health

or would i have stayed this way even if i statued a child?

am i the only one trudging through the mud that sits in front of my brain preventing me from moving forward?

maybe i need to go back

or maybe i just need to disappear for a bit

turn my phone off

be a child again.

but i was always doomed

technology

family

culture

life.

and yet i always wanted to grow up

maybe to escape the dark of my childhood

not knowing that i would just walk into a darker abyss

oh to be a child again

[vanillabean-draws]

idk if this is funny, but I just made this for me so :P

ALSO, everyone say it with me: Thank you Ao3 team!

[kashrime]

ever just dump your brain wiring into a text? like uncomprehendable bullshit into a paragraph that no one knows wtf is happening? it’s funny.

[kashrime]

depression is so stupid because i swear it dampens every happy thing ever and im no longer excited

[kashrime]

i really want to try weed. i don’t really know why but i do like i feel like it’d be kinda fun

[kashrime]

me: robotics this year is like my household

also me: constantly fighting with my dad

my mom: *silent*

my dog: *silent*

[kashrime]

i think i need to be systematically reminded that trigger warnings exist for a reason and i should not ignore them

[kashrime]

I hate going to sleep at a “reasonable” hour because then i wake up stupidly early.

anyways here’s some pics of the sunrise because i was up at 6am when i didn’t have to be

[kashrime]

fanfic reading with original characters is killing me rn. WHY ARE YOU TELLING THE GUY TO THROW HIS ADOPTIVE CHILD OUT ON THE STREET?!?!!

[kashrime]

the bookstore finds i’ve been waiting for. (pride and poetry?) (that was bad i’m sorry)

[kashrime]

i’m starting to get really tired of all of this

[kashrime]

do i need weed, therapy, or sleep?

[kashrime]

i’m prepping for my AP chinese test and i was talking to my mom abt it and she was like “i don’t expect you to take it, i just need you to know the language. why do you feel the need to take the test?” because you put me into a school that gave me trauma that i can’t cope with and if i have no advantage other than to talk to family and random people then all the trauma i have is for nothing because i could have had a normal childhood in regular school but instead, while other kids did kid things i was being yelled at for not finishing all my work or crying. my childhood was spent being locked in the bathroom with no windows because i was sensitive and crying is bad. i spent years learning a language and a culture and you’re saying that the higher expectations for me with that language was to be able to speak it? absolutely not. i will take that test because you sent me to a school that made me believe that if i didn’t go to college and get a decent well paying job then that makes me a failure.

[kashrime]

i feel the need to clarify that being an ABC isn’t a judgmental thing than i’m putting on my self but it’s a group that i am associated with. ABC = American Born Chinese and not some random thing that i’m calling myself so that there judgement it’s literally just my explanation for why i’m uncultured sometimes

[kashrime]

being an only child is like 3rd wheeling your entire life. You are the outcast of your parents marriage because they are (usually) compatible and have details that relate to each other and you’re just there. I share almost no interests with my parents but i’m constantly with them and definitely interfering with their relationship but i’m also just an attachment of their marriage. i sit in on dates and trips and experiences, hell i even go drinking with them (i don’t drink) so i’m essentially 3rd wheeling their marriage