Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:
1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this womanās footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.
2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because sheās confident in whatever you put her in. Sheāll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, sheāll wear high heels and step on your opinions, sheāll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you canāt trust her is because women like this donāt need your permission, theyāll do as they please and get away with it. Theyāll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say theyāre vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.
3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. Iām told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Donāt disagree. Donāt undermine someone elseās authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Donāt hit. Donāt talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you canāt hear your quiet death.
4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, Iām told, because sheās a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, Iām told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didnāt know this was a competition.
5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because itās power, itās not asking for attention - itās demanding it. Iām told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. Iām told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick canāt be too red, my hair canāt be too mussed, I canāt just āturn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.ā I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was āexhausting.ā I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told thereās also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, āIāve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didnāt expect anything from them,ā and they said, āItās different, youāre not a man,ā but couldnāt explain where that difference was.
6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another personās touch. It doesnāt matter how many people sheās actually been with, itās all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. Youāll still try to get with her, youāll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you donāt mean - but youāll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say āA slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.ā Maybe he didnāt know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didnāt know that every time sheād be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didnāt know sheād disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, āBoys are different, they wonāt care about you.ā Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, Iām a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard Iāll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I wonāt let a single person inside of my bed.
7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if youāre lucky, heāll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and youāre in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - youāre not a princess. You donāt get married, you settle.
8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. āSee the thing about boys,ā says my daddy, āIs that you have to let them win.ā I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be ābuilt,ā regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.
9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you āsweetie,ā how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I canāt imagine how that is going. Heās not a real man, after all. I donāt give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide youāre happy being single. Donāt you know youāre supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Donāt you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, āI would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,ā I was told, āNo, donāt worry, youāll be a fine mommy.ā)
10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DONāT YOU FUCKING FORGET IT IāLL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WONāT FUCKING REGRET IT IāM NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL IāM NOT YOUR ANYTHING IāM PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND IāM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT IāM DOING. I DONāT WANT TO BE āLADYLIKEā THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING IāM NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHATāS COMING TO ME. IāM GONNA BE SOMEBODY. IāM GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DONāT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DONāT THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CANāT TAME A TORNADO.
stormborns
vaporwave
