Soak My Life In Gasoline

[shittyidea]

Playing monopoly with your accountant 

[shittyidea]

Turn minimum wage into maximum wage

[screenshotsofdespair]

[shittyidea]

Grab the first person you see after reading this, and punch them in the face

[lyjerria]

pay attention to who actually takes your feelings into consideration

[shittyidea]

Install that weird Android/Comic Sans hybrid font on every electronic device

[shittyidea]

If your computer freezes, set it on fire

[shittyidea]

Tinder for people who need to cool it aka Tumblr

[shittyidea]

A commercial semen facial moisturizer 

[shittyidea]

Repair a fallen hornet’s nest with a hot glue gun

[shittyidea]

Poke a hole in your condom so your mini-me can breathe

[shittyidea]

Advice from a magic 8 ball

[shittyidea]

A car with two gas peddles so your life never slows down

[straightboyfriend]

true story 100% real not lie (not fake all real)

i was on a boat in the middle of the ocean & a shark kink shamed me so i punched it & all the fish cheered me on & clapped

[dlubes]

this is true i was one of the fish

[kaliforhnia]

He is perf 💖

[stfuconnor]

How did this get 500k notes I can text myself cute messages too

[buckyfrost]

at my school there’s an english teacher and an american teacher and they always glare at each other and when they pass each other in the hallway the american teacher will say ‘good show governor’ or something and the english teacher will say ‘god bless the land of the free’ and both in terrible accents and like the whole school ships it

[playette]

[idioticteen]

fun fact i knew this girl from camp who had a british accent but she wasn’t from england and then one day i went to her house and her parents didn’t have a british accent either so i asked her where she got it from because i was really confused and she told me her parents faked it until she was 7 because they wanted a child with a british accent