so this is love

my heart has wings and i can fly, i’ll touch every star in the sky. so this is the miracle that i’ve been dreaming of.

[kateendler]

i think that it haunts me, i want you too much / sweet darlin’, come hold me / just a little bit longer now

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

“You could stand to mention it more,” Noel grinned fondly, as he saw the smile return to Kate’s face. He was only teasing however, as there really wasn’t a day that went by, which didn’t consist of them telling the other that they loved them. “Hey, we have a fireplace, why don’t we use it?” he shrugged jokingly, a small smile on his face as he reached across to take her hand. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you, and I’m always up for whatever you’re up for,” Noel said softly, before squeezing her hand.

That night, Noel and Kate sat on their mattress in the middle of the living room, re-watching one of their favourite shows, VEEP, and eating Chinese take away. They had a small fire going in their fireplace, and the pumpkins they had bought sat in the corner of the room, ready to be carved when it came closer to Halloween and the Halloween party they were having on the same day. A part of Noel was still slightly concerned over what had happened during their trip to the supermarket, but he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, at least, as long as Kate didn’t. Once they were finished with dinner, and were onto slowly sipping their wine, Noel put down his glass and rolled over on the mattress, pulling Kate into his embrace. “C’mere,” Noel smirked, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and began peppering her neck with kisses. Just as things were getting heated however, Noel heard a knock on the door. He frowned, his head coming up from her neck and instinctively turning towards the living room window which looked out onto their front porch. There was clearly nothing outside, from what he could see, though the front door still needed to be checked. “Seriously? It’s nearly 8 o'clock…” Noel grumbled, as he moved to get up from the mattress.

Somehow, even following the day that she had had, Kate managed to relax once her and Noel were home. Their house felt like a sanctuary, especially considering that they had practically built it themselves. The problems outside of their home couldn’t touch her here, and she felt the stress of seeing her ex-husband slipping off of her. Here, she could focus on Noel’s company instead. As he wrapped his arms around her, Kate felt further removed from her anxiety, laughing as she tried to place her wine glass on the floor beside them. “Wait, wait! I’m going to spill and you’ll hate that,” she laughed, managing to lean far enough away to place the wine glass down. She tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck further for him. 

The sound of the knock on the door made her jump, the anxiety caused by their encounter at the store rearing its head again. If she weren’t so agitated, she would’ve laughed at his comment. Eight o’clock being late for them only exposed their age. Instead, she watched as he got up, her eyes darting between him and the door. “Honey, just - just check through the window. It doesn’t look like anyone’s out there, it’s probably just - it’s probably some kids playing a prank. It’s almost Halloween,” she suggested, trying to remain calm though the tone of her voice betrayed her. Kate flinched a bit when the door opened, waiting to see what would happen. Yet again, no one was out there. Though, this did not help to leave Kate feeling any less unsettled. She reached for the remote and paused their show, nodding towards the door. “Will you please lock the door, babe? Just, um, close and lock it.” Her voice was tight, knowing she was overreacting and feeling unable to stop it.

A moment later, Kate was positive she heard rustling near the side of their home, like someone was coming around the back way. “Do you - do you hear that?”

[filmgifs]

Before Sunrise (1995) dir. Richard Linklater

[weirwolves]

ROMAN HOLIDAY (1953) PRETTY WOMAN (1990)

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

It was never easy. Sometimes he didn’t know what to say. Sometimes he misinterpreted her words. Sometimes he got caught up in his own emotions. But he never blamed her. The only reason it was difficult and not easy, was because it wasn’t easy watching the person you love in pain.  

"I’m sorry… Of course you remember… It wasn’t your fault, Kate. It was never your fault. I won’t let him convince you otherwise. He’s not coming anywhere near you. Never, not while I’m here… Unless… You wanted to confront him… But you wouldn’t be alone,” he looked at her, wishing to impart his sincerity. "That’s what I’m trying to say. I’ll be here, to remind you who you are. I promise. You’re not alone in this.” Noel didn’t know what kind of closure Kate needed. But he could promise he’d be there for her, no matter what.  

As soon as she hid her face behind her hands, Noel’s face softened. “No, don’t be sorry,” he protested gently, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, and placing his hand on her thigh. He cursed the console between them, unable to pull her into his embrace. "Who said anything about today being fun and normal?” He asked, imparting a light chuckle. “Please. Don’t be embarrassed. Not for my sake.” After she pinched the bridge of her nose, Noel smiled, tilting his head to the side as his hand left her thigh to comb a lose strand of hair behind her ear. “You didn’t ruin today. I know that you’re stable. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t have any reaction at all. You haven’t seen him since…. Since the restraining order we put out together.”

He shook his head, “The only reason I’m upset, is because of him.” He leaned back into his driver’s seat, and as he pulled away from Kate, he reached up to check his rear-view mirror. It was obvious he was looking for Matt. “What do you say, we go home?… Before I call the police…” He looked away from the mirror once he was satisfied that Matt was nowhere to be seen. “We can do whatever you want; if you want to talk about it, we can talk about it. We could lay down on our mattress in the middle of the living room, and do nothing. Or we could even start a fire, and burn stuff. I want to ‘deal’ with this. You look after me, I’ll look after you.”

Kate shook her head slightly when he began apologizing, not wanting him to feel bad for caring. She appreciated the way he looked out for her, the way he wanted to be involved with the unsavory parts of her life. Though she knew he was just trying to cover all of his bases. she shook her head a bit more firmly when he suggested she may want to confront Matt. “No, I don’t - No. I’m okay,” she replied quietly, briefly biting at her thumb nail.  Still, she was comforted by the sentiment that this was something he wanted to take part in. He had never shied away from helping her, but the reminders never went unappreciated. 

Again, she felt some sense of relief as he attempted to comfort her, though it only slightly masked her embarrassment for the reaction she had. At his reminder of how long it had been since she had seen her ex-husband, she nodded slowly. Had it really been that long? But he was right, that was part of her reaction. While she had gotten mostly used to dealing with her existing trauma, she hadn’t had to deal with the feeling of seeing him again. She felt like she had existed in a bubble in her relationship with Noel, a happy one at that. It had never crossed her mind that Matt could exist in the same sphere as that.

When Noel glanced in the mirror, Kate couldn’t help but glance behind herself as well. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting to happen, but she still felt relieved to see no one standing behind the car. “We don’t need to call the police,” she replied softly, the beginnings of a smile appearing at her lips. Something about that word, home, brought her a sense of peace. Despite the fact that her ex had been here, she would go back to her home she shared with Noel. Her life was infinitely better than it had been. Her smile fully appeared as he laid out their options, feeling like she was back where she was comfortable. “Do I tell you enough how much I love you?” she asked softly, her voice earnest as she leaned up and over the console to kiss him. “Thank you for being so understanding. It’s been a while since I’ve... well, felt like that. I think it’s easier to get through now, or get out of, having you here.” It was true. She did feel as though she was in a much better place, and her happy relationship was a large part of it. “We should go home. I’m really intrigued by what you think we should burn. But, if you still feel up for it, I think I could still really use our original plan. Takeout, wine... whatever distraction you were planning,” she teased softly.

[bringiton]

“…When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (1989), dir. Rob Reiner

[gownegirl]

Amy Adams as GISELLE in ENCHANTED (2007) dir. Kevin Lima

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

She told him she needed a minute, and Noel nodded, gently squeezing her knee. She reached for his hand a moment later; her smaller hand sliding over the back of his fingers, and squeezing them together. The corner of Noel’s lips twitched, a slight frown forming. It hurt him, to see her like this. And it more than likely hurt her too, that a mere glimpse of her former husband, sent her into such a spiral. Noel knew her well enough by now, to know that she was kicking herself for reacting this way. She was always so hard on herself. His free hand left the back of her seat, and he gently stroked the back of her head as he leaned over the console. "No, it’s not silly… I was shocked too,” he shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe the odds, before giving a small, reassuring smile as she looked up at him. 

"I wouldn’t let him.” Noel’s voice hardened suddenly, this time having him shake his head in disagreement. “I wouldn’t let him come anywhere near you.” He’d already failed her once. He wasn’t there for her when she’d needed him, after she’d been cornered by her ex in a different car park. The stern look on his face faltered however, once his fury subsided, and Kate’s words were fully able to sink in. He looked away, exhaling before turning back to her, a questioning look in his eyes. He didn’t understand how being face to face with Matt could ever make her doubt what had happened. Nor could he believe that, that man was even capable of being nice and charming. But after everything Noel and Kate had been through, it was easy to forget it had only been two, going on three, years since her divorce. In a way, everything was still fresh. “Kate… I can’t forget the day you walked into my bakery… You were gone for a week, and when you came back, your face was bruised…,” he shook his head at the memory, his jaw clenching. "Listen, I know I wasn’t there in the beginning. And I don’t know what it was like day to day in your marriage. But I do know what I saw. He hurt you. And even if you doubt it. You can trust me, to never, ever think of him in any capacity other than, he’s a monster. I can promise you that.” It was obvious he was frustrated, though his intention was to assure her that he’d never second guess what had happened between her and her ex. 

The feeling of Noel’s hand against the back of her head soothed her somewhat, the way his gentle, measured tone did something to soothe the frayed nerves that shocked her system whenever she had a reaction like this. Kate knew, or at least was convinced, that it must be difficult for him to deal with this amount of energy coming from her. Her panic was all-consuming, overriding her logic. It was his stability that often brought her back out of it.

It was his anger, however, his frustration, that left her feeling embarrassed more than anything. By now, Kate and Noel knew each other well enough that she didn’t need as much reassurance that he wasn’t mad at her. But when that frustration was in some way related to her, she felt embarrassed for even having caused it. Hadn’t she just told him she was moving past all this? Yet here she was, hiding in the car, far too old to feel like this. His tone, the clench of his jaw, she was trained to notice it all. Those details no longer scared her, but as she looked at him, pressing her lips together, she felt responsible for this loop they were stuck in. “It’s not... I  guess, it’s less that I don’t remember it all happening or anything like that. Because I do. It’s more - It’s that so many times I was convinced it was my fault. I don’t want it to happen again but it feels like it could,” she tried to explain, only becoming more frustrated with herself as she felt his frustration. His reassurance should soothe her, but instead it made her feel like she was forcing him into this constant cycle of taking care of her when she should know how already. “God, I’m sorry. I know today was supposed to be fun and normal and I’m - I’m acting like a child. I’m really - It’s embarrassing,” she muttered, shaking her head and slipping her hand from his to press her hands to her face, moving them to press to her cheeks as she let out a sigh. 

“I’m sorry, honey,” she repeated, wishing she could be the type of person who could run into Matt and not acknowledge his existence. Feel hatred rather than fear. Be a stronger person for Noel, rather than be the roadblock in their relationship, the one who couldn’t stop living in the past as he thought of their future. That rush of fear always left her with a nauseating wave of self-hatred. Sighing again, she pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “I didn’t want to ruin today, I wanted us to have a good day. I - I really did mean it when I told you that I felt better than I had before, and that I felt like I was working through it and I was more stable,” she assured him, glancing back to him again. Of course she remembered that day in the bakery, the way she sought him out after having not left her sister’s house for nearly a week. She remembered all of it, and subsequently everything he had done for her. “I guess I was overwhelmed. I didn’t want to make you deal with this again, I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

[grace-adler]

[toastbutteregg]

this is me all the time even with friends

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

I have wept for joy to think that you are mine, and often wonder if I deserve you. You charmed me so immeasurably,

Robert Schumann, from a letter to Clara Wieck written c. September 1838 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[romancegifs]

And it’s not because I’m lonely. And it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

When Harry Met Sally (1989) dir. Rob Reiner

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

“I know, I know,” Noel chuckled, though slightly surprised by her sudden sincerity in cleaning the house. “Hey, it’s my mess too.”

"No need to apologize,” he smiled, rubbing her back. “I should’ve known, always thinking about the house. Don’t worry, I can help distract you, tonight,” he grinned, satisfied with Kate’s response. As they went for milk, Noel remained ignorant, feeling all was well with Kate, that was until she spoke up in line next to him. When he turned to her, Kate’s expression caused him to frown, a look of concerned immediately crossing his face. “What’s wrong?” Kate continued before he could ask anything else. As hesitant as he was, Noel reached for the car keys in his back pocket and he handed her the keys. "Alright,” he said softly. “I love you. This won’t take long,” he added, giving a final look, taking in her face, while he grabbed what groceries she was holding so she could leave the line.

In line, Noel clenched his jaw, tapping his foot while willing the queue to move faster. Trying to find answers for why Kate left, Noel looked around. And there he saw him. A few rows down. Kate’s ex-husband. It had taken a double take for Noel to realize who it was. He’d only ever seen him three or four times in his life. Mostly in photos, thought there were few, and maybe once when he’d joined Kate in a visit to his bakery. It had been enough to leave an impression. Noel scowled, gritting his teeth, before willing his eyes away. He just wanted to get back to Kate.

Paying for their groceries, Noel returned to the car, quickly packing away their groceries in the boot. Opening the door to the driver’s seat, he sat himself behind the wheel and turned to Kate. “Hey, I saw him,” he placed his arm on the back of Kate’s seat, while his other reached for her knee. “Are you okay? What do you need?”

Kate felt a brief moment of relief as Noel handed her the keys, needing to escape the suffocating environment of the store. There was no way for her to relax when her ex-husband was within her line of vision. Even if Noel didn’t know that, her eyes expressed her appreciation for him having sensed her urgency and quickly getting her what she needed. “Okay. I love you too. Thank you,” she nodded, her mind already far away from their conversation as she again could only focus on getting out of the store. 

The walk to the car was a blur, her anxiety overtaking her senses. Sitting in the passenger seat, she kept glancing out the window, biting absentmindedly at her thumbnail. Her thoughts kept flip-flopping between worry that something, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what, was going to happen and berating herself for worrying so much about something that wasn’t going to happen. She was so angry at herself that this person could still get such a reaction out of her, even when she felt she had come such a long way from the person she was at the end of her relationship. More than that, she was mad at herself for ruining the day that Noel and her had been having, and was convincing herself that Noel certainly wouldn’t want to continue on with their evening plans. It was easy, when he wasn’t right there in front of her convincing her otherwise, that Noel was going to be annoyed with her regarding her sudden departure from the store. It didn’t help that she was so annoyed with herself already. 

As Kate glanced out the window again, she noticed Noel hurrying toward the car, unsure whether to feel reassured or even more nervous. She was beginning to feel embarrassed, and knew she would have to attempt and rationalize her behavior. How could she explain herself without sounding like she had entirely regressed after having assured him multiple times how much more independent and better off she felt now? However, once Noel climbed into the car, he began speaking just as she opened her mouth to try and explain herself. Immediately, his assurance that he understood why she had reacted the way she did, as well as his question of what she needed in the moment nearly brought tears to his eyes. At the very least, it brought her momentarily out of her spiral, reminding her that she was with Noel, someone who understood her innately. Someone whose presence always left her feeling far more calm.

“I, um, I’m sorry - I need a minute,” Kate shook her head, trying to figure out how to even explain herself. “And I just need you here,” she added as his hand reached for her knee. She swallowed, tucking her hair behind her ears before reaching for his hand in an attempt to stop fidgeting, holding his hand in hers and squeezing gently. “I feel so silly. I -  I know he still lives in the city, and obviously people need to buy their groceries at some point... I just... I never expected to see him. I was caught off guard. I was - I guess I was just overwhelmed,” she tried to explain herself, her eyes trained toward the floor as she rambled before looking  up at him sheepishly, wishing she could just calm down, make things easier. “Maybe I was - I was kind of worried he would come over and try and talk to us. You know, he can be so nice and so charming and I would doubt myself that anything had ever happened.I was worried I would feel feel that way again. Like I can’t trust myself that what happened between us really happened. And then maybe you would think of me the same way.”

[kateendler]

he’s passing by / rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky / and he feels like home / if the shoe fits, walk in it everywhere you go

[kateendler]

and i was catching my breath / floors of a cabin creaking under my step / and i couldn’t be sure / i had a feeling so peculiar / this pain wouldn’t be for evermore

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

“Pinterest?” Noel frowned, not even sure if he had heard her correctly. He was oblivious when it came to any form of media outside of Facebook. “You don’t have to worry about that…” he smiled, while continuing to watch the road ahead. “…It will be perfect. Living with you, it’s already perfect.”

Inside the grocery store, Noel quirked an eyebrow, ever so slightly at Kate’s reaction. It was more so the colour of her skin which had him concerned. Her face was white, and her eyes seemed wide and preoccupied.

“You don’t have to make up excuses for me,” he chuckled, shaking his head. He couldn’t quite believe Kate had never tried anyone else’s pumpkin soup before in her life. “Trust me, my soup’s the best. Regardless of how many bowls you’ve sampled,” he joked, nudging her playfully with his elbow.

“Well, I still only trust two people can be upstairs at a time before the floorboards give way… But downstairs, we’ve got more than enough space to host. It’s the perfect time really, for a party, before we completely unpack all our belongings. Provided of course, we clean up our mess…” Noel teased, giving Kate a knowing look. They’d certainly butted heads a few times over the fact that whenever Noel finished clearing a surface, it was only a few hours later, before it somehow managed to get filled up again. All he wanted was a clean table. “We could have everyone meet up at our place, and all the kids can go trick or treating together, while the adults hang out.”  

“Hey,” Noel placed a hand on the small of Kate’s back. “Are you alright? You’ve gone a little pale.” He gave a soft questioning look, not overly worried, but still wanting to check in on her. For a brief moment back there, Noel saw a look flash across Kate’s face, which he had not seen for a long time.

“Really, I’m not lying. I only ever really eat soup when I’m sick, but I know yours is the best regardless. You know I love your cooking,” she assured him as he nudged her, though she knew he was just teasing her. Right now, Kate was finding it difficult to try and joke around, but she didn’t want to come off as strange. Already, she was second guessing herself. Had she really seen her ex-husband’s car, or was it just a similar car and her mind filled in the rest? She didn’t trust herself around this subject, and she didn’t want to overreact and ruin the day they had been having, or the night they had planned. She just needed to try and drop this.

Rather than focus on her anxieties she tried to entirely dial into what Noel was saying, focusing on his thoughts rather than her own. A smile appeared at her lips at his teasing regarding her tendency to leave messes around the house. It was definitely something she was working on since they moved in together, though Noel was far tidier than she had ever been. “That sounds lovely,” she replied to his suggestion of having the adults remain at their house while the kids trick or treated in their neighborhood. They lived on the outskirts of a suburb, leaving their area both fairly secluded as well as safe with the houses full of families surrounding theirs. It was definitely a place she felt was going to be wonderful to raise children in. Once they had it all fixed up, of course. “I am sorry about the mess,” she added, feeling more sensitive regarding her own unsavory behavior when she was thinking about her past relationship. “I’ll make sure I’ve got it all cleaned up before anyone comes over. I’ve been so distracted with getting things ready in the house it totally slips my mind.”

Kate raised her eyebrows as he touched a hand to her back, having not realized she had been so obvious in her emotions. Though, Noel knew her better than she remembered sometimes. He could notice when she wasn’t acting like herself. “I’m fine. Sorry,” she assured him, smiling up at him. And she was. She didn’t feel like she was lying. While she still felt slightly on edge, she had convinced herself she was merely seeing things. Overreacting. “I’m just distracted thinking about the house, now that I’ve got that window seat in my head I can’t stop thinking about the logistics.” She shrugged, committing to her half truth. “I think we need milk while we’re here though. Let’s grab that before I start thinking about paint colors long enough to make us have to come right back out after we go home,” she suggested, wanting to move on not only from the questioning but from her own thoughts. 

It was on the walk back from the dairy section of the grocery store, however, that Kate realized she did, in fact, catch a glimpse of her ex-husband’s face in a passing aisle. She felt her heart skip instantly, her head turning away instinctively, then looking up to see how far they were from the check out. The lines seemed far too long to wait in, surely he would catch up to them by then. If she had looked pale before, she could feel her blood turn cold. “Honey,” she spoke up, forcing her voice to remain steady. “I, um, I need to go wait in the car. Can I have the keys? Just - just trust me, I’ll tell you what’s wrong when you check out. I just need the keys.” 

[kateendler]

noeletromeo​:

“Fine, perhaps an angel then,” Noel suggested knowingly, amused by her subtle reaction as he too suppressed a grin. It was true, that now that they were living under the same roof, they seemed unable to keep their hands off each other. Especially in the beginning, when they were sleeping on a mattress, on the floor of the living room; there was something about waking up and striding over to the kitchen in naught but their underwear, with the sun streaming through the window that felt particularly intimate. It was easy to set the mood. “You’re right,” Noel chuckled, smiling at her words while they stood in line at the check-out. “I hope we don’t alienate any of our neighbors, by showing them up this season with our decorations,” he joked, before raising an eyebrow. “Oh? Is that so?” he mused, scratching the underside of his chin, as he played along.

Inside the car, Noel considered her words, hoping that wasn’t her making something out of what he’d said during their argument a few weeks ago. He did still feel bad about insinuating, during their big fight, that he did all the hard work, especially considering how much thought and effort Kate put into turning the house they’d bought, into a home. “I do,” he nodded, kissing the back of her hand while he listened and drove. “Mmm, I am handy… but not that handy. We’ll probably have to get someone to install the seat… But I like it. We do get a lot of sunlight through that window in the morning. And of course, I love watching you watch me, make dinner.” He gave her smile, glancing at her for a moment. “I love it when you talk about our family. You make everything sound so real… How do you come up with all these ideas, hm?” He grinned, squeezing her hand.

At the grocery store, Noel began to pile up their cart with pumpkins. “We can always turn the extra pieces into soup. I don’t think you’ve ever tried my pumpkin soup. It’s delicious,” he grinned, tapping the pumpkin atop their pile with his hand.  “You know what, maybe we should throw a little Halloween, slash house-warming party? Invite some friends over, force them to dress up.”

Noel’s positive reaction to her idea of the window seat left her feeling even happier, already running through a list of names of people they had worked with on the house already. It was lucky they had met when they did, there was a lot more flexibility in their budget than there would have been had they met earlier in their lives. Though he was looking at the road, Kate was smiling at him fondly. “Mostly I’ve been spending way too much time on Pinterest,” she admitted self-consciously with a laugh. “I just want the house to be perfect. Perfect for us and perfect for our family. It’s easy to see our future with you,” she replied earnestly. Sometimes when she was alone with him it felt as though she were looking at them from the outside. Like she could see their future together. Maybe it was the way they were already putting together the nursery, but she could picture their family perfectly.

Everything felt so blissful as they left the car, their present happy and their future right within reach. However, as they walked towards the grocery store, a familiar car caught Kate’s eye. She glanced back, curious, and noticed the license plate. It was familiar, the same car she had passed by on her way inside from the garage every day for years. Her heart sank, glancing to Noel as if to make sure that what she was seeing was real. Of course, she realized as she glanced back to the car, Noel wouldn’t recognize the car or the license plate. She was being stupid, crazy for the anxiety that coursed through her as if she didn’t know her ex-husband occupied the same city as they did. But they hadn’t run into him before. That was the difference. 

Kate realized Noel was talking to her as they stood by the cardboard display holding the pumpkins. “Hm? Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever tried anyone’s pumpkin soup, so I’m sure yours will be the best,” she half-heartedly tried playing along, though her smile wasn’t quite convincing. Still, she felt as though her ex could be right behind her, she suddenly felt suffocated. His idea for them to have a Halloween party at their new hours brought her a bit more peace, as if it were a reminder their lives were different. Different couple, different house, different friends. “That sounds great. Maybe inviting people and their kids will make everyone more willing to dress up. Do you think the house is ready for hosting?” She asked with raised eyebrows, knowing he was far more picky about the state of the house than she was. She was used to mess, especially in the midst of a project.