You were a kook and Sarahâs sister. But you were never the one for the whole kook lifestyle. It was tiring, all the dress ups to impress people and the parties were boring. You often were jealous of the pogues for their freedom. no one cared what they did. You always thought they were fun to hangout with, but many of them didnât like you because you were a kook.Â
You used to be friends with Kiara but after your sister's whole drama with her you didnât even get to see her. You knew about her pogue friends. You were envious of their friendship. You have always wanted friends like that.Â
So when Sarah got with John B, you met the pogues and became friends with them, all of them except one, JJ Maybank. It was obvious he didnât like you at all. He would make rude remarks when you came to hangout or send you glares when you would sit across him.Â
You always tried to talk to him, but he would just nod or wouldnât say anything at all. he didnât even try to talk to you. Whenever you entered the room he would say he had to do something and go, but he would never come back.Â
And to make things worse you had a stupid school girl crush on him. You wished that you could atleast be friends with. Atleast that was enough. Having him hate you broke your heart.
You were tired of his rude remarks and glares so you stopped going to the hangouts. You would make excuses like you had a homework or test. You started going for the hangouts once a week, week became months. Everyone except JJ noticed your disappearance. You would occasionally talk to kiara and john b and sometimes pope. But didn't hangout with them together when jj was there. It hurts you alot to see him not even bothered about you.
You were going to the library. It's was a weekly thing of yours. You would always go there on Thursdays evening. It was peaceful and many people don't even know there was a library so it was just you a very few people and the librarian.
You opened the library and opened its door to see jj sitting in a chair a few meters away from the door. Why was he here? That was the first thing that came to your mind. He was not the type to come to a library and read. It was obvious.
He was reading something. You walked right past him. You wanted to do nothing with him. He didn't seem to notice You, his eyes were fixated on the book he was reading. You didn't want him to notice you either.
You went further into the library. To a secluded area were many people don't even know. You looked for the book you were going to borrow for the week. Once you got it you were about to turn back to the reception but as you turned back you saw jj towering above you.
" JJ" you said his name, but it came more like a whisper.
He walked towards you even though there was only a few centimetres space between you both. You walked back slowly until you hit the wall. He was towering over you like some predatory animal. He looked at your eyes. The same tingling feeling whenever you saw him came back.
"Y/n" he said your name. It was like music in your ears.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"You haven't came to any of our hangouts for more than a month. And don't give me excuse like you had homework or tests because we all know you do your homework at school itself. " he said like it was something everyone in the world knew.
"Last time I checked we weren't friends so why do you care."
"Because..."He whispered.
"Because what jj come on tell me."
"Because everyone misses you. And i kind of like you hanging out with us. You pay for almost everything so thats nice."
"That all?" Your heart broke at what he said. You were just some stupid person who payed for the things for him. He didn't care about you at all."
"What the hell dude. When ever I hangout with you guys all you do is sent me glares and talk shit to me. All you do is consider me a some stupid kook. You have no problem with Sarah hanging out with you guys, but why me,huh. All i did is try to be your friend. And you know what makes things worse. I have a stupid crush on you. I hate it. I hate that your the person who I think about before I go to sleep. I hate that I am always looking forward to see you. I hate that when I talk to you it gives me stupid butterflies. I hate you so much. I hate that I have crush on you." You trailed off. He has no right to come look for you after all that he did. You hated him. You felt like a weight on your shoulder disappeared after saying it to him.You took the book and started walking away.
"Fine y/n i like you goddammit. I miss you"
"Dude what the hell"
" I don't hate you infact like you alot but it's best if you stay away from me y/n. It's not good for you. "
"What the hell do you mean jj. I have loved you for all these years and you were acting like a dick to me and now you are saying that you have a crush on me. We are not fifth graders jj. We are adults. And adults don't do this shit where you're mean to your crush." You shouted in anger. You were so angry at him. What the hell was he saying. It was stupid. It was all stupid.
"Don't you get it y/n. My mom left me. My dad hates me. Almost everyone does. And at some point everyone leaves me. I hate to get attached to someone knowing that they will leave me one day. So i leave them first.But i just can't seem to leave you. God I love you so much. I tried to hate you. Because I know that you will leave me for some stupid kook. And why would you even like a stupid pogue like me. "
The moment he finished it you slapped him. You slapped him but made sure it wasnt that hard but hard enough for his stupidity. He looked shocked. Then you did something that you believed you didn't have the guts for
You cupped his face and slowly got on your tiptoe and kissed him
summary: after finding out that your fiancĂŠ had cheated on you with his childhood best friendâwho just so happened to be Rafe's fiancĂŠeâ Rafe proposes a reckless plan: follow them across Italy and Greece and ruin the dream honeymoon they stole. but somewhere between petty sabotage, breathtaking views, and far too much time together, the two of you begin to discover there's more waiting for you than revenge.
content warning: strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, forced proximity, one bed, sexual tension, explicit sexual content, mentions of death (for this chapter only!) 18+ MDNI
w/c: 9.4K
a/n: another long chapter, sue me (so sorry!!) i just need you all to read this with through a romcom lens â trust me, it'll help
series masterlist
previous
Sleep hadnât come easy to Rafe in the past two months; if anything, itâd been the last thing heâd gotten. There were a few things he could think of why it mightâve been the case; perhaps itâd been the silence that filled Tannyhill now that Charlotte was gone, or maybe itâd been how his bed had suddenly felt far too big for just one person, a subtle reminder that every empty inch served as a reminder that someone else had once occupied it. Or perhaps itâd been the way he kept seeing his fatherâs disgruntled face when anyone would come up to Rafe asking about his now-called-off wedding, even if Rafe had nothing to do with it.
Whatever the reason, sleep had become something he tolerated rather than welcomed, which was exactly why waking up after one of the best nights of sleep he'd had in weeks irritated him beyond belief. Rafe had woken long before the sun had fully climbed over the rooftops, the first rays of morning spilling through the terrace doors in pale strips across the room, casting over your body. For a moment, he simply lay there, unusually still, waiting for the familiar heaviness to settle over him, but it never came. Just silence. A comfortable silence that hadnât come easy to him for a bit.Â
Until he heard you sigh in your sleep.Â
Rafe internally groaned as he realized that someone else was in the room, that someone being you. It wasn't that he'd particularly enjoyed or despised sharing a bed with you, there was barely anything for you both that the other could provide except two people working together to ruin someoneâs life. However, there had been something strangely familiar about hearing another person's steady breathing in the darkness, about feeling the mattress dip ever so slightly every time you shifted in your sleep. It reminded him of a time before everything had fallen apart, before a version of himself was lost.
Rafe looked to see you sleeping peacefully on your side, your small breaths making your chest heave as the satin rubbed against your skin. That was until a loud, aggressive knock against the door, causing Rafe to nearly jump out of his own skin. You stirred beside him with a sleepy groan, pulling one of the pillows over your head as you groaned, "Who in their right mind comes at the crack of dawn?"
âJusâ ignore it,â Rafe muttered, slamming his palms over his eyes as he let out a long, ragged exhale. The brief, peaceful illusion of his perfect night of sleep vanished instantly, replaced by his usual morning irritability. As you both stayed silent, your eyes shut until the door knocked again.Â
âRoom service!â A voice called out from behind the door. Your eyes flew open at the same moment Rafe's did, making bolted upright, your hair a wild, tangled halo around your face as your eyes darted around the unfamiliar room in a blind panic before looking back at Rafe, whose expression matched yours. The two of you stared at one another across the ridiculous expanse of the honeymoon bed, equally confused.Â
"Did you order breakfast?" you whispered through your teeth. Rafe looked offended as he whispered back, âDoes it look like I ordered breakfast?â You both rolled your eyes as the same three raps hit the door, making you feel bad as the voices strained when they called out again. Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose.
"They're gonna keep knockin'." You glanced down at your satin pyjamas before looking back up at him. "I'm not answering looking like this." He looked you up and down for half a second before forcing himself to look away. "Yeah, probably for the best."
"Was that supposed to make me feel better?"Â
"No."
âOh my god, Rafe, just go!â You shooed him away when the knocking reappeared, Rafe muttering as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "I am, as soon as you quit arguing with me for five seconds."
With one last sigh, he unlocked the door, opening to find a young server standing with an elaborate silver trolley overflowing with polished domes, fresh fruit, pastries, steaming coffee, and enough food to feed six people.Â
"Buongiorno!" he greeted cheerfully as he wheeled the trolley into the room. "Congratulations again to the beautiful newlyweds.â Rafe didn't even bother correcting him this time, grumbling, "Mornin'."
"Here is your breakfast." The server beamed at you as you marvelled at the spread. Part of you tried to push away the thought that Charlotte and Ethan wouldâve been enjoying right now, yet instead, their exes were in their place, even if itâd been a sour start. You gave a small smile back to him, âThank you, this is wonderful.âÂ
âOh, and before I forget, this is especially for you,â he pointed towards a specific dish, the edges of the plate adorned with flowers and touches of saffron. âThe chef made it just for you. It is considered good for fertility.âÂ
You choked on your own spit as Rafe cleared his throat in embarrassment. âFertility?â
âYes, you know? To have babies.âÂ
âI donât want babies!â
âYou donât want babies?â The server looked at Rafe before looking at you with a raised eyebrow and a pointed finger at Rafe, as he asked again with a confused yet joyful tone, âYou donât want his babies?â
âNo!â Rafe looked back at you with mock offence as he questioned, âYou donât want my babies?â He couldnât help but feel dejected with your response, as if itâd added more salt to the wound that he wasnât wanted even by someone whom heâd just shared a bed with, which had then become apparent to you as you sank back into the bed in embarrassment.Â
âUhm, no, I just meant not right now. Of course I want⌠your babies.â You cringed as the words came out of your mouth before you turned back to the server, your face hot as you began, exasperated, âTell the chef I say thank you.â
As soon as he was on his way, Rafe sat back down on the bed, an awkward silence lingering as you both looked at the dish. Breaking the silence, you croaked out, âYou can have it.âÂ
"You trying t'send me a message, Angel?" Rafe snorted, yelping when he felt a napkin hit the side of his face.
âShut up.â
The repeat of heavy footsteps hitting the road beat like a metronome as you watched Rafe pace in circles while talking on the phone, one hand stroking the top of his head as he argued with the poor soul who was on the other side of the phone. Behind him, the Colosseum was in view, standing in its glory in the sun as the heat rose from the ancient stone in dizzying waves. The air was thick with the scent of hot asphalt, cheap exhaust from passing Vespas, and the melted sugar of nearby gelato stands.
The plan was simple: find the tour that theyâd booked, cancel it under the guise of an emergency, and have the two stranded without any plans and in the blistering sun. Knowing that Charlotte had planned everything specific to every moment of the day, and would ensure that her plans went smoothly, getting this one mix-up wouldâve done a number. That was until you saw Rafe walk up to you with his signature stern look set on his face that said otherwise.Â
âShe changed the booking,â Rafe grumbled, glare fixed on his screen. âAnd theyâre not letting me know shit about it because itâs under her name now.âÂ
âEven if it was with your credit card?âÂ
âYeah, some fuckinâ safeguarding thing for their customers.â He scanned around the bustling plaza, his broad shoulders tensing as he tried to map out a backup plan. âAs if my money doesnât make me a customer.â You looked at the phone clenched tightly in his hand, a sudden spark of inspiration hitting you. âGive me your phone. And the original confirmation.âÂ
âHuh?â
âJust give it to me, trust me.âÂ
Rafe reluctantly handed the device over, watching you with a heavy, irritated skepticism. Part of himâthe ugly, volatile partâalmost wished youâd fail. He wanted you to prove that nothing could be done, if only to give him the familiar comfort of being right and remaining on top of things. As twisted as it was, the alternative was worse; losing control meant being inferior, giving someone else the upper hand and another reason to scrutinize him.
Though the heat was unlike what it was at home, heâd remembered the last time he stood in the sun, the intensity of its rays being much less compared to his fatherâs gaze on him.Â
âWhat the hell am I supposed to tell people?â
âWhat?â Rafe looked up from the kitchen island at his father as if heâd misheard him, his eyes closing in on him as if it were the first time those words had been pieced together. Ward paced the room, phone pressed against his ear before tossing it onto the marble countertop with enough force to make Rafe flinch, before sighing, his fingers closed over his nose in annoyance.Â
"Two hundred guests. Business partners. Investors. Family." He laughed bitterly, though there wasn't a shred of humour behind it. "Do you have any idea what this looks like?"
âDad, she cheated on me with her best friend whoâs engaged himself,â Rafe grimaced. âI gave her everything.âÂ
âAnd what are you going to do about telling everyone, huh?â Ward complained, barely acknowledging anything that Rafe had said. Rafe flinched as Wardâs voice became lower, which felt worse. "They're going to ask what was wrong with my son that his fiancĂŠe walked away two months before the wedding."Â
âI didnât do anything, Dad.âÂ
"It doesn't matter." Ward's gaze settled heavily on him. "Perception is reality, Rafe. And right now, our family looks like a goddamn embarrassment."
A sharp nudge to his arm suddenly snapped Rafe out of the memory. He blinked, the image of his father dissolving to reveal you standing in front of him with a sharp, mischievous smirk painted all over your faceâan expression heâd never seen on you before.
âRafe, how would you like to go on an all-expenses-paid, VIP tour of the Colosseum?â The light sparkled in your eyes as you looked up at him.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âI said-âÂ
âOkay, no, I heard that, smartass. I mean, what do you mean?â
âCharlotte paid extra and upgraded the reservation, but itâs nonrefundable,â You said as your fingers wrapped around Rafeâs forearm, pulling him to move forward as you walked towards the Colosseum. âSo why donât we just go ourselves? Weâre here anyway, and Iâm sure Ethan will find a way to please her just to make her feel better.âÂ
Rafe blinked at you, bewildered by the sudden change in your demeanour. âAre you okay? Are you having a heat stroke because just yesterday you were feeling bad for them?â
âYeah, well, we gotta stick to the plan somehow so we can mess up theirs.â
Awestruck couldnât cover half of what you both felt as you approached the Colosseum.Â
No photograph, no travel brochure, nor history documentary could have prepared either of you for the sheer scale of it as you approached the entrance. The ancient stone shone in the sunlight, despite the age of its stone otherwise, while its weathered arches stacked endlessly toward the cloudless sky. Time had softened parts of it, worn away corners and details, yet somehow that only made it more impressive. It stood there scarred and broken and centuries old and still managed to dwarf everything around it.Â
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The noise of chatting tourists, the distant hum of traffic, and the occasional shriek of excitement from nearby tour groups all blurred together beneath the weight of what stood before you.Â
"Holy shit," you whispered, as Rafe let out a low whistle beside you, softly exclaiming, "Yeah." You had never seen him so peacefully quiet. The VIP entrance guided you away from the larger crowds, and through a shaded stone corridor, the sudden drop in temperature was a relief after the blistering heat outside. Ancient walls towered around you, the stone rough beneath your fingertips when you reached out instinctively to touch it.Â
"I canât believe this is from a whole time before us," you muttered. âI wonder if two people tried to screw over their exes here back then too.â Â
Rafe glanced over. "Pretty sure one wouldâve had their head slain before they got to that point."Â
"Quite the optimist, arenât we, huh?"Â
"One of us has gotta be the one with red horns to counter you, angel." The laugh that escaped you surprised both of you, making Rafe stare at you as you immediately looked away afterward, as though you regretted letting it slip. The joke wasnât particularly funny, yet it was one of the first genuine laughs heâd gotten out of you in a while, one where your posture wasnât so rigid, and you werenât so guarded. Â
That was until a couple came up next to you, their friendly demeanour prompting them to break the awkwardness between you and Rafe. âDid you hear the commotion?âÂ
Rafe immediately put his hand on your hip, as though to guard you from them, as you turned to look at them, confusion on your face as you asked, âNo, what happened?âÂ
âOh honey, you missed it!â The lady exclaimed. âThere was this young couple, probably around your age, going all crazy that someone stole their booking, but they couldnât prove it.â Â
âThey were also complaining to each other about their hotel booking being taken as well. They had that poor associate stressing for no reason,â her husband chimed in. âTalk about karma, huh?â Â
Rafe squeezed your hip as you looked to him with the same soft smirk heâd taken a liking to. âYou donât say?âÂ
Finally, the guide led you deeper into the Colosseum, explaining various sections of the arena. Massive tunnels stretched beneath your feet. Ancient passageways twisted below like a maze, while above, sunlight poured through gaps in the stone, illuminating floating dust particles that looked almost golden. Everywhere you looked, there was something else to marvel at.Â
"Can you imagine building this?" you asked quietly. Rafe followed your gaze upward to see thousands of seats curved around the arena in massive tiers. "Nah, it'd take me three business days just to figure out which contractor was screwing me over." He jokingly deadpanned, making a smile tug at your lips again.Â
As the guide motioned everyone toward a restricted section reserved for private tours, she explained, "From here, we can also access the upper viewing platforms."Â
Your eyes visibly brightened as you looked at it, recalling the memories you had of your father telling you about seeing it himself, but then almost immediately dimmed again with hesitation. Rafe sensed your hesitation, the way you looked between the guide and the area, but only for you to keep walking ahead with the group as the guide continued to speak.Â
Rafe felt an odd discomfort as he noticed something in you shift, how moments ago you'd been practically glowing with curiosity. Now, your shoulders had drawn inward slightly, while your hands stayed clasped together in front of you. How youâd shown interest in something but then immediately pulled back as if you were apologizing for wanting something that strayed from the usual, making him more irritated than he probably should have been.Â
As the group continued walking, your attention lingered on a gated staircase leading toward another section of the monument, constantly trying to catch a glimpse further into it. Rafe sighed, making you direct your attention to him. âWhat?âÂ
"You wanna go up there."Â
Your eyes widened. "No, I don't. I was just looking."Â
"You know, youâre terrible at lying." You rolled your eyes. "We don't need to."Â
"Who said anything about need?"Â
You opened your mouth, then closed it as the old knot of anxiety tightened in your chest. It felt stupid, embarrassing even to voice anything when it all felt so foreign to you. You'd spent so many years shrinking your wants into something smaller, easier, less inconvenient, willingly going with what Ethan had said because itâd made sense from a logical standpoint. It was still like itâd happened yesterday, when youâd first expressed excitement before for something, only for it to be turned down and somehow turned into a burdenâtoo much, too expensive, too childish, too dramatic. That any alternative that Ethan provided was good enough. Eventually, asking had stopped feeling worth it. So now, even something as simple as wanting to explore an extra staircase felt foreign.Â
"I'm fine," you insisted. âRafe, I promise, itâs okay.âÂ
Rafe stared at you, right through you, not buying a word. Then, without warning, he raised his hand. "Hey." The guide turned along with a few people from the tour as well, and you immediately wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Rafe pointed toward the staircase. "Can we see that section?"Â
You looked at him in horror. "Rafeâ" You were cut short when the guide smiled immediately. "Of course, I completely forgot to show that."Â
Rafe looked down at you, smug when he saw your jaw that was slightly dropped. "There yâgo, angel."Â
You smacked his arm. "Oh, my God."Â
"What?"Â
"I- nothing. Thank you." You hated how you didnât have anything to say, even if it felt embarrassing to have someone speak up for you, as if you couldnât do it yourself.Â
The staircase led to one of the higher viewing platforms, and the moment you stepped onto it, every ounce of embarrassment from Rafe speaking up had vanished. The view was breathtaking. Rome stretched endlessly beyond the ancient walls. Terracotta rooftops glowed beneath the afternoon sun, church domes rose above the skyline, and the city looked endless, alive, and impossibly beautiful.Â
You walked closer to the railing, a soft gasp escaping you. Rafe watched your expression instead of the viewâthe way your eyes widened, the way wonder softened your features, the way you forgot to be self-conscious for a few precious seconds. Something about it tugged at him unexpectedly.Â
"You happy now?" he asked.Â
You glanced back, a genuine smile spreading across your face. "Very."Â
For the rest of the tour, the energy between you both had changed from the stiffness to comfort and ease, with subtle things neither of you paid mind to, from the way you started walking beside him instead of keeping a respective distance, your arms brushing each other, leaving a warm aftertouch that felt normal. Times where youâd point out random details to which Rafe would make stupid jokes, making you laugh more. At one point, you stumbled slightly on an uneven stone step and instinctively grabbed his arm to avoid falling forward, your fingers pressing into the muscle of his arm that felt hard and plush under your grip, while Rafeâs other arm immediately went straight to your waist to hold you up. Â
Neither of you let go immediately. Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to notice too. An older woman from another tour smiled knowingly as she passed. "Nice to know young love is still so pure." You nearly choked while Rafe barked out a laugh, but sheâd disappeared before either of you could defend yourselves. Â
"I swear, no part of this makes us look like a couple."Â
"I donât know what youâre talking about; I act like this with all my fake wives." You shoved him again.Â
A few minutes later, another tourist offered to take a photograph for the "newlyweds." Then someone else asked how long ago youâd been married. By the third time, even Rafe looked exhausted. "This is ridiculous."Â
"It is."Â
"You literally just linked arms with me."Â
"The stairs were steep. Would they rather I die?"Â
"Were you going to die when you rested your head on my shoulder during the explanation?"Â
"I was looking at something."Â
"You were looking at the wall."Â
"It was a very interesting wall." Despite your complaints, both of you were smiling.
By the time the tour ended, the afternoon sun had softened into a warm golden glow. The Colosseum looked even more beautiful now, the stone practically burning amber beneath the fading light. You lingered near the exit, reluctant to leave. It had been the first genuinely enjoyable day you'd had in a long timeâthe first day where revenge hadn't entirely consumed your thoughts, where you hadn't spent every second comparing yourself to Charlotte, where you hadn't felt small. "Y'know," he said.Â
"Hm?"Â
"Itâs okay to ask for things, or to let someone else take care of you." Your heart stumbled. Looking up, you found his expression unusually serious. "You wanted that view."Â
You glanced away. "Maybe."Â
"You would've missed it." The truth settled uncomfortably in your chest, because he was right; you wouldâve and probably wouldâve kept thinking about it for years to come. Rafe shoved his hands into his pockets as he continued, "You don't gotta act grateful every time you want something."Â
Your throat tightened unexpectedly, nodding as you pondered how many things youâd let go just for Ethanâs sake. Neither of you spoke for a moment, but before the silence could become too heavy, Rafe nodded toward the street. "C'mon."Â
"Where?"
His grin returned as he looked towards a small shop with a striped blue and white banner. âWe have some time before they get to Trevi Fountain.â Rafe jerked his chin toward the storefront, âLetâs go get some gelato."
The array of trays of gelato spread across the creamery, bright like technicolour with how colourful they were right when you stepped in. It was almost exactly how your mother had described it, how you could smell the saccharine in the air without feeling dizzy, or how impossible itâd be to pick just one flavour. The coolness from the low temperature the creamery was set at felt like a relief compared to how hot it was outside, despite the linen dress you had on. Â
As you stepped forward, the cold bursts from the freezer made you shiver, yet it didnât give you the same chills that youâd gotten once asked, âSo, what are you getting?â Â
âOh uhâ,â you peered over the display, your eyes settling on the raspberry gelato that immediately spiked your interest, before immediately spotting what felt safe, âProbably the vanilla or stracciatella.âÂ
âThatâs basic.â Â
âExcuse me, but itâs hard to go wrong with something thatâs so versatile and safe.â You retorted, suddenly defensive for a flavour you hadnât even wanted, even though you were wincing at your words. You recalled the last time you had said what youâd wanted at the local ice cream shop near your university years ago, the way you could practically taste the flavour profile before you got shut down. Â
âI think Iâm leaning towards chocolate cheesecake,â you mentioned as you eyed your choices. Itâd been a hot day on campus at university, and after a few months of grieving, youâd decided that it was time to go back to places you hadnât visited since that day.Â
âThatâs so much sugar, itâll make you crash before you get your next class,â Ethan interjected, sugar-coating every word under the guise of concern. âPlus, chocolate doesnât always taste the same every time.âÂ
âTheyâve had this for ages though,â As you laughed nervously, you looked at his face, his eyebrows raised. âWhat could you possibly suggest thatâs good, E?â
âVanilla.âÂ
âVanilla?â
âHear me out, itâs so versatile and safe; you canât go wrong with a classic flavour.âÂ
âYou can get that; Iâll just go with-â
âTrust me,â he pleaded, the irises in his eyes widening as if everything depended on this very moment. âPlease?â
You sighed, smile soft as you agreed with him, âSure.â
âAnd let me guess, Ethan told you that,â Rafe prodded as he looked at you, as if he could sense the whole scene playing out in your head. It made Rafe pity you with how heâd seen you light up at the sight of one flavour only to default yourself to what seemed like was pseudo-forced onto you. âCâmon, angel, donât let him keep having a chokehold over your life when heâs out sticking his tongue down someone elseâs throat.âÂ
You glanced back at the display, âI donât even know if itâll be any good.â Â
Rafe felt himself getting more annoyed with the back and forth, probably more so that someone heâd be spending the next few days with was still being puppeteered by the same person whoâd taken his fiancĂŠe and ruined his reputation. âFine, whatever,â he muttered, stepping forward to give his order before you could say anything.Â
He shouldnât be caring; it wasnât his responsibility to break the habits youâd become used to, yet a small, nagging tug in his heart made it impossible to not want you to be your own person, to stray away from being someone whoâd simply followed her exâs lifestyle. He saw the way youâd been hurting, even if it wasnât openly shown, and felt his stomach tighten at the idea that someone could love and miss someone so deeply. It hurt even more that he knew no one was sitting with themselves while they were missing him. Maybe itâd been because heâd never felt that pain before, the pain of grieving someone who was still alive, yet the death of their part in his life lingered unwantingly.Â
The only pain he could feel was the pain from the betrayal and its subsequent embarrassment that it brought, making Rafe wonder if heâd ever been loved by Charlotte as deeply as you loved Ethan, or if he was simply mourning the version of his life he thought he was supposed to have. He let out a quiet breath before looking back at the register, his brows furrowing at the two cups set in front, but neither had vanilla.
âThatâs it? Whereâs the uh-â Rafe looked at the employee before looking at the display again. âSorry, I thought there was one for vanilla.â Rafe watched as your fingers wrapped around the one with bright pink gelato smoothed into it; a shy smile peeked through your lips. His eyes widened just slightly at the fact that you didnât get vanilla.Â
âCat got your tongue, Rafe?â You teased as he watched the way you placed a spoonful into your mouth.Â
âYou didnât get vanilla.â He said matter-of-factly as you both walked out, slightly gulping at the sight of your lips encased around the plastic, before shaking his thoughts away and rebuking the ideas thatâd popped up.Â
âWell yeah, I figured I should maybe try what I like for once. Not like someoneâs here to shove their propaganda about bland flavours into my face.â You shrugged. A sudden surge of energy ignited in you, almost as if a rush of euphoria ran through your nerves as you tasted the tartness of the raspberries, cutting through the sweet cream coating your mouth. For so many years, youâd become accustomed to specific things, knowing that if youâd strayed away, youâd get the same speech with the same carefully measured tones. It was almost freeing in a way to do things your way for once.Â
âSince youâre on your whole âself-discoveryâ thing, here,â Rafe held out a spoon while you eyed its earthy green hue cautiously. âPistachio.â
âNo, itâs okay, Rafe, I can just stick to my own-â Rafe let out a quiet scoff, rolling his eyes before nudging the spoon a little closer. âQuit bein' dramatic.â
You hesitated for another second before finally leaning forward, taking a small bite from the spoon he held out. The rich, nutty flavour spread across your tongue, softer than you'd expected, followed by a subtle sweetness that lingered just enough. You lifted your eyebrows, âOkay.â
âOkay?â
âOkay, you were right. Itâs good.âÂ
âI know.â Rafe smugly mused.
âDonât let it get to your head now, Rafe.â A laugh escaped him before he could stop it, the sound lighter than it had been in weeks, which surprised him.Â
The more time he spent with you, the easier it became to forgetâif only for a few momentsâwhy the two of you had ended up in Italy together in the first place. Against all logic, he was beginning to enjoy your company, and judging by the grin you were trying very hard to hide, you weren't entirely immune to his either. Maybe it was the warmth of the afternoon sun, or the fact that for once neither of you had spent the last ten minutes thinking about Ethan or Charlotte, but the conversation came easier than it had before.
"So..." you glanced sideways at him as you took another bite of your raspberry gelato. "How many times have you actually been to Italy?"
"First."
"Seriously?"
"Mhm."
âMister big developer has never been to Italy before his own honeymoon?â You questioned as you dug the spoon further into your cup. Ethan had talked about Rafeâs upbringing, the riches and lavish life that heâd enjoyed and how it was probably the only redeemable quality of his, that heâd be able to keep Charlotte happy and taken care of.
âHad other priorities, and then when I was ready, sheâd already talked about it and, I dunno, I thought it wouldâve been fun discovering it together,â he admitted. The words left his mouth so absentmindedly that he didn't realize what he'd admitted until a beat later. Together. Youâd caught the word, yet still stayed quiet, refusing to acknowledge it for his sake of normality. Selfishly, also because you were enjoying how the day had been panning out so far.Â
Rafe, on the other hand, had realized that Ethan had definitely talked about him, and suddenly he felt his chest heave with anticipation over the thought of how he was painted in your eyes, if heâd been made out to be someone who he wasnât, and more so, what you thought of him. He cleared his throat, eyes down as he began, âSo, uh- Ethan told you about my past?âÂ
You winced at his tone, hearing the vulnerability in his words that made you regret calling him that name.Â
âHe did. Mostly that your dad practically ran Kildare and youâd taken after him and his business.âÂ
âThat all?âÂ
You stayed silent, lying to Rafe that you didnât know anything past the basics felt wrong when heâd been so honest with you. âHe told me a lot of things, Rafe,â you said softly as the guilt started to ruminate within your body. âEthan wasnât exactly your biggest fan.âÂ
"Yeah?" he scoffed. "News t'me."
"He said..." You hesitated, suddenly unsure if repeating it would do anything except reopen wounds that were barely beginning to scab over. "He said you were reckless. That you got into fights. That you had a problem with drugs and staying sober, but were your dadâs shadow. That you werenât all that good for Charlotte and he never understood what she saw in you.â Rafeâs jaw ticked as he looked out over the crowded piazza, watching the pigeons scatter near an ancient stone fountain.
"Said I was a spoiled asshole too?"
"In⌠other words. Yes."
"Right." For a long moment, he didn't say anything. He simply watched the cobblestones beneath his feet, wondering if heâd spent so long coming off that way or if Charlotte had seen him that way and felt it was enough to tell others her perception of him. "Guess he thought he was a saint before goinâ and screwin' us both over."
"Rafe..." Even if you had something to say, it stayed within you, your lips sealed while your mind ran of all the ways you couldâve started a different conversation without disrupting your trip today.Â
"Nah." He shook his head once, forcing out a humourless chuckle. "Ethan's a real expert on me, huh? The guy spends five minutes around mâgirl, and suddenly he's got me all figured out." Rafe continued with a low, husky voice. He stopped walking, turning his body toward you as he ran a hand over his tightly buzzed hair. "He doesn't know shit about me. None of 'em do."
There was a raw, volatile energy buzzing beneath his skin, the same kind youâd seen whenever someone brought up his father back home. But beneath the anger, you could hear the faint, desperate ache of a kid who had spent his whole life being judged by the shadow he walked in.
"I don't think he nor Charlotte knew you," you admitted quietly, meeting his dark, intense gaze. "But I don't think you're who he made you out to be."Â
Rafe searched your face for a long moment, his eyes tracking the serious line of your mouth as if he were trying to find the catch, the punchline to a joke he wasn't in on. Then, his shoulders dropped just a fraction, the rigid tension in his posture easing as his frown turned into a tight-lipped line.Â
âYou donât?âÂ
You shook your head, looking at him with a look in your eyes that made it clear that youâd been honest. âI thinkâŚâ A small smile tugged at your lips, âI think youâre just kind of an ass.â
âOkay,â He elongated, rolling his eyes with a small, humourless smirk played on his lips. âThank you, Angel.â Rafe looked over just as you lowered the last spoon of your gelato, seeing a tiny streak of bright pink clung to the corner of your mouth. He reached over before either of you could think further about it.Â
âYou got some uh-â His thumb brushed gently against the corner of your lips, wiping the small smear away in one smooth motion. Except, the action caught you off guard, making your entire body still while the path of his thumb left an invisible mark, as if heâd marked that part of your face that youâd remember for nights to come. The intimacy of it all, while he had done it so nonchalantly, made it almost impossible for you to say anything.Â
"So messy," he muttered automatically. Without thinking, he absentmindedly brought his thumb toward his mouth. The moment the raspberry touched his tongue, he froze, cheeks reddened, while your eyes widened in astonishment. The world seemed to go unnaturally quiet around you, as you both stared at each other, trying to make sense of what happened.Â
Neither of you spoke. For Rafe, heâd done it so absentmindedly as if heâd done this multiple times over; it hadnât even registered as something intimate until your stunned expression reflected it back at him. Suddenly, he was painfully aware of how close the two of you were standing, while you couldn't stop wondering why such a small, thoughtless gesture had left your pulse racing.Â
You cleared your throat first, breaking the silence to avoid making the rest of the day awkward. âSo⌠was it good?â
âYeah, yeah,â Rafe rubbed the back of his neck, finally looking away. "Not bad. Good choice, angel."
"Great." You nodded a little too quickly. "Good to know." An awkward silence settled between you as you started walking again, both pretending nothing had happened, despite being painfully aware of each other for the rest of the walk to the fountain.
The magazines and pictures of the Trevi Fountain did no justice to how breathtaking it was to be looking at it with your own eyes. The thunderous roar of cascading water could be heard before the fountain came into view, echoing through the narrow cobblestone alleyways like a distant waterfall. As you finally turned the corner into the piazza, the Trevi Fountain opened up before you, a sprawling, majestic wall of blinding white travertine marble that looked almost surreal against the stark blue of the afternoon sky. The water was a vibrant, crystal turquoise, churning and rushing over meticulously sculpted stone gods, throwing a fine, cool mist into the heavy air that settled like dew against your flushed skin.
It was beautiful, even if it was packed with a sea of tourists all vying for a square inch of stone to throw their hopes into the water. You walked up to the lower stone barrier, the sheer scale of the monument making you feel incredibly small as you watched the coins catch the sunlight before disappearing beneath the turquoise surface. As you saw them shimmer, it instantly took you back.Â
âHoney, you could make any wish you want at Trevi Fountain,â your mother cooed as she brushed your hair. Even as a teenager, youâd found comfort as she held the ends with care, even if it was more for your mother not to feel the pain of you getting older.
âAny?â You looked up at her, hope in your eyes as you met hers. âI didnât think you were one for superstitions.â
âIâm not, until I threw a coin wishing for a baby girl. And ten months later, you were in my arms.âÂ
âAre we sure it wasnât-âÂ
âTrust me, honey,â she interrupted, though her stern tone was light, âthat fountain does wonders.âÂ
âWhat would I even wish for?â Skepticism heavy in your voice as you thought of what you possibly could need. You had your family, the boyfriend of your dreams who made you feel loved, and a comfortable lifestyle.Â
âWell, they always say if you throw one coin, youâll come back to Rome. Two to fall in love, and three to get married.â She squeezed your shoulders, smiling at you as you both looked into the mirror. âBut Iâm sure youâll know what to wish for when the time comes.â
Well, now the time came, and it was abundantly clear that you still had no idea what to wish for.Â
Rafe leaned his forearms against the smooth stone railing, his sunglasses pushed up into his hair as his now-darkened blue eyes tracked the ripples in the pool. He felt entirely out of place amidst the wishing families and starry-eyed couples, his jaw set in the familiar, rigid line that youâd practically memorized. As he looked at the coins glimmering in the light, all that could come to mind was how ironic itâd be that if he could make a wish for every single thing in his life, heâd fill the fountain with enough for them to make a living. Yet, the biggest one on his mind was how he could get things to change so that he could stop living under the scrutiny of his father, to make himself appear like how he once was.Â
As he scanned the area, he finally caught a glimpse of her blonde hair in the crowd, as her body was enveloped by his arms. Theyâd looked so enamoured by each other, it was enough to make Rafeâs blood boil.
âDid you know?â Rafe started, his gravelly voice barely cutting through the crashing weight of the water. He didn't look at you, keeping his gaze fixed on the statue of Oceanus. It took you by surprise, the way heâd suddenly gotten quiet upon the question compared to how confident Rafe usually was.
âWhat?â
âDid you know they were together? Before⌠all of this. Did you have any idea they were doing this behind our backs?" The sudden bluntness of the question made your chest tighten, the sweet taste of the raspberry gelato turning somewhat sour in your throat. For almost a few hours, youâd completely forgotten why you were here in the first place, how you shouldâve been finishing the details to your wedding. Following Rafeâs line of vision, youâd spotted Ethan and Charlotte, making your heart pang when you saw him give the same expression heâd once given you.
"No," you said softly, shaking your head. "Not for sure. But... I guess I had my suspicions here and there since high school. I just never thought more of it."
Rafeâs head snapped toward you, his brows furrowing in immediate confusion as he fully turned his body to face you. "You went to school with 'em? I thought Ethan said you guys met in college, that you were just some normal girl from the suburbs."
âI lived in the nicer part of the suburbs, yeah,â you corrected, a faint, bittersweet smile touching your lips as you recalled how youâd felt stuck between feeling more privileged than others but not as much as your classmates were. âWe were upper-middle class, so they sent me to the same private school as Ethan and Charlotte. Ethan was in my homeroom, and Charlotte was always... Charlotte. Just floating in a completely different social orbit."
Rafe let out a low, rough breath, his fingers tapping an agitated rhythm against the stone railing. He swallowed hard, his mind clearly racing as he tried to piece together the timeline. "If you suspected something was off between them since back then, why the hell did you stay? Why would you let him drag you along for years if you felt like he wasnât loyal to you?"
His tone was a mix of frustration and genuine, unscripted curiosity. To Rafe, a man built on survival instincts and aggressive control, staying in a situation where you were losing seemed entirely baffling. Your fingers gripped the edge of the stone ledge until your knuckles turned white, the roaring sound of the fountain suddenly sounding like background static compared to the sudden ache in your heart.
âBecause my parents passed away during our senior year and heâs all I had left of them,â you whispered, your voice cracking slightly under the sudden weight of the memory.Â
âShit,â Rafe softly murmured your name, guilt written all over his face. âI had no idea.âÂ
âNo, itâs fine. It happened right before graduation, but everything changed so quickly. I lost everything, my parents, our routine. It was like it all evaporated, and I was the last thing remaining, just completely alone. I havenât entered the house since I left for college.â You finally turned your eyes to meet his, seeing the way his entire posture froze.
"Except for Ethan," you continued, a stray tear threatening to spill over your lashes as you forced yourself to stay steady. "Heâd met my parents, spent weekends at our cottage with us, it was like he was part of the family. He was there through the worst of it. He held my hand at the funeral. He helped me pack up their things. He was the only person left alive who actually knew them, Rafe. The only one who remembered what my life looked like when they were still in it. If I left Ethan, itâd mean letting go of the very last piece of my parents I had left in this world. I thought if I lost him, Iâd lose them completely."
âJesus Christ, angel,â Rafe exhaled, feeling something in his chest twist painfully. âIâm so sorry. What a fuckinâ prick.â He looked at you for a long moment, the usual smart remark sitting uselessly on the tip of his tongue before it dissolved completely.
You let out a watery laugh, hastily wiping beneath your eyes before the tears had a chance to fall. "It's okay."
"No." Rafe shook his head once, jaw tightening. "No, it ain't." His cerulean eyes drifted back toward Ethan, who was smiling at Charlotte like he'd never spent eleven years building a life with someone else.
"He lets you bury your parents with him," Rafe muttered, more to himself than to you. "Then turns around and does... that?"
His lip curled in disgust. "What kinda man does that?" You followed his gaze, your own heart sinking despite yourself. "I don't know."
He hands you a coin before holding one of his own. âMake a wish, angel.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âJust make one, one thatâll be worthwhile.â He urged, before plopping another coin into your palm. âWait, actually, make two; I need this for something else.âÂ
âRafe, what are you going on about?â You glanced at the coin in his hand and then to his face, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
âDonât worry âbout me, angel.â
You closed your eyes, wishing for something you hadnât dared to voice out loud in years. You wished for a clean slate, one that the phantom weight of Ethan had put on your shoulders for the past eleven years would finally stop suffocating you, that you could finally figure out who you were meant to be, the you that your parents would love to see. Underneath that, a smaller, quieter wish slipped through, one that you knew you shouldnât have thought of, but did anyway.Â
With a soft plunk, you tossed the first coin over your shoulder, before tossing over the second one into the turquoise water, opening your eyes just in time to see Rafeâs fingers tighten around his own.Â
"Alright, your turn," you murmured, watching him closely. "What are you wishing for?"
Rafe let out a low, dry chuckle that sounded rough against the thundering roar of the fountain. "I don't waste my breath on wishes, angel. None of that superstitious shit for me, yâknow? I take what I want." He flipped the heavy euro coin in the air, catching it with a practiced ease before his eyes darted past your shoulder, locking onto something in the distance. âJust like this.â
Rafeâs knuckles whitened as his fingers wrapped around the heavy euro coin, not hesitating with the whiplash snap of his wrist when he hurled the metal directly through the mist.Â
Crack.
The coin flew, striking Ethan squarely in the side of his neck, causing him to let out a sharp yelp, his hand flying to his throat as his face twisted in immediate pain. He spun around, wildly scanning the crowded steps of the piazza to see who the hell had hit him. Almost instantly, an older tourist standing just a few feet away from you pointed a thick finger directly in Rafeâs direction, calling out to Ethan to show him where the projectile had come from.
âOh fuckââÂ
âOh my god, Rafe, heâs looking right atââ Before the warning could fully leave your lips, Rafeâs hand shot out. His fingers tangled into the hair at the nape of your neck, his grip firm and desperate as he yanked your body flush against his chest. He didn't give you a second to think, going to tilt your head up and slamming his mouth onto yours.
Your breath hitched, your hands instantly coming up to press against his shoulders as your brain short-circuited. The crashing water of the fountain along with the copious amount of chatter around you had dissolved into thin air, and suddenly, you didnât care where you were. The second your lips parted in shock, the entire nature of the kiss shifted.
Rafe deepened it with a bruising, desperate intensity that felt like a match catching fire in a dry forest. It was heavier, more passionate than anything you had ever experienced in your life. His other hand slid down to wrap tightly around your waist, pulling you so close you could feel the erratic, violent thud of his heart against your ribs. He could taste the raspberry that was still lingering on your tongue, his mouth moving against yours with a raw, possessive hunger that made your knees turn completely to water. Rafe was obsessed with how your lips moved effortlessly with his, like waves that swayed with each other effortlessly, despite the crashing environments around them.
You, on the other hand, hated the whole kiss because it was the best kiss youâd ever had, one that didnât feel awkward. You found yourself chasing for more, chasing the feeling of someone whoâd poured themself into you as if they had nowhere else to be. The way he had a faint taste of pistachio and tobacco was addictive, a combination that wouldâve had you thinking otherwise not too long ago.
Against your closed eyelids, the illusion fractured. Rafe had opened his eyes. Through the thick fringe of your lashes, your own eyes fluttered open, and the breath died in your throat. He wasn't looking at you. His dark, intense gaze was burning right past your shoulder, his pupils scanning the crowd over your head to check if Ethan and Charlotte were still watching the performance.
A sudden, icy wave of humiliation flooded your veins, cutting straight through the heat in your chest. Itâs just a cover up. Heâs just using me to hide from them. You naturally assumed right then and there that the kiss meant absolutely nothing to him. It was just another calculation that heâd taken out of his dad's playbook, thatâd had you regretting how youâd felt seconds earlier.
Except, there was a war of emotions raging inside Rafeâs head. He had only intended to look for a split second to ensure their cover was safe. He saw Ethan look away, entirely oblivious, but when Rafeâs eyes drifted back down to your face, his brain completely stalled. The safety window had passed, and he knew they were no longer looking. He knew he should pull away, but his body absolutely refused to cooperate.
Rafe kept kissing you. For several heavy, agonizing beats, he stayed entirely buried in the warmth of your mouth, his thumb tracing the sharp line of your jaw as he completely lost his grip on reality, and you were all he had to hold onto. He was drowning in the feel of you, completely caught up in a desperate, unscripted urge to erase every single trace of Ethan from your skin. To show how much youâd missed out on while you were being held back by Ethan.
When Rafe finally pulled back, his breathing was shallow, his lips flushed a dark, bruised red. A rare, unreadable vulnerability flashed in his eyes before he quickly masked it, his jaw tightening as he internally kicked himself for letting his guard down like a total idiot. Except, youâd suddenly become stiff and reserved, stepping back while your face paled despite the heat.Â
You threw up your guard around your heart, clearing your throat before motioning towards the exit, âWe should head back.â Without waiting on Rafeâs reply, you turned on your heel and began walking back toward the alleyway, leaving him standing alone by the water as he watched the linen around your waist swish around your legs. The corner of his lip raised as his eyes zeroed in on you, completely unable to understand where your sudden change in attitude appeared from.
The steam from the shower had long since dissipated, leaving the bathroom heavy with damp heat and the sharp, clean scent of his hotel cologne. Rafe leaned both palms heavily against the edge of the marble sink, his head hung low between his shoulders as water dripped from his buzzed hair onto the porcelain basin.
He stared at his own reflection in the fogged mirror, his chest heaving under a tight, frustrated breath. He couldn't shake the feeling of you against him, like the way your hands gripped his shoulders that felt like youâd branded your handprints onto them permanently. The kiss felt so natural to him; he could barely remember how heâd kissed Charlotte all those times before, like youâd wiped every memory of their kisses out of his mind with every movement of your lips. It was driving him absolutely insane.
How the hell did Ethan do it? Rafe thought, his jaw clenching until his teeth ached. How did someone who was spineless, pathetic even, spend eleven years waking up next to you, holding your hand, and sharing a life with you, only to throw it all away over a change of mind? Rafe had spent years trying to decode Charlotte, trying to twist himself into the perfect, refined version of a husband she wanted, and sheâd still treated him like an obligation. But youâyou were real. You were sharp, and defensive, and entirely unfiltered when you actually let yourself speak.
"Get it together, Rafe," he muttered to the empty room, slamming a fist lightly against the marble. He vowed right then and there to lock it down. He wasn't going to feel anything about this situation. He couldn't afford to when heâd just gotten his heart broken two months ago, when heâd lost the foundation heâd invested so much time in building. This was a business transaction, a petty game of chess to ruin their exes, and letting himself get attached to Ethanâs old girl was a shortcut to losing his mind completely.
Besides, whatever progress he thought theyâd made today had completely vanished the second the kiss ended. Youâd spent the entire ride back to the villa acting like a stranger, your body stiff, your answers reduced to icy, polite monosyllables that made his blood boil. He hated the silence. He hated that he couldn't read the sudden shift in your attitude, and he hated even more that it bothered him.
Rafe grabbed a towel, drying his face roughly before throwing it over his shoulder. He turned the brass handle and stepped out into the bedroom. The space was dark, illuminated only by the pale, silver moonlight cutting through the open terrace doors. Rafe stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes immediately dropping to the small, stiff velvet couch in the corner of the room.
There you were, curled tightly into a ball, your knees tucked up to your chest under a thin linen blanket youâd dragged from the wardrobe. You looked impossibly small on the narrow sofa, your shoulders tense even in sleep, a physical manifestation of the guard youâd thrown up around your heart.
Rafeâs initial instinct was to just leave you there. Fine, he thought, a bitter, defensive edge flaring in his chest. If she wants to be stubborn and freeze on a stupid couch, let her. He took a step toward his side of the massive, empty king bed, ready to climb in and ignore you.
But as his eyes lingered on your huddled form, the irritation in his stomach dissolved into a heavy, uncharacteristic ache. He remembered what youâd said at the fountain. He remembered the raw, quiet grief in your voice when you talked about losing your parents, about how Ethan was the last piece of them you had left. Youâd been through enough wreckage, and the thought of you sleeping on a hard couch in a foreign country because of a stunt he pulled made him feel incredibly sick.
Letting out a low, defeated sigh, Rafe crossed the cool terracotta tiles with quiet, deliberate steps. He stopped beside the couch, looking down at your face, relaxed slightly in sleep but still bearing the faint trace of the day's exhaustion.
Carefully, as if he were handling something incredibly fragile, Rafe slid one large arm beneath your shoulders and the other under the crook of your knees. He lifted you up bridal style in one smooth, effortless motion.
Your head instinctively rolled inward, your face burying into the crook of his neck as a soft, sleepy sigh escaped your lips. The sudden warmth of your breath against his bare skin made Rafeâs heart do a violent, erratic thud against his ribs. He froze for a second, holding his breath, terrified heâd wake you and bring back the icy glare from the fountain. But you stayed under, your fingers lightly clutching at the fabric of his shirt.
He walked over to the bed and gently laid you down onto the crisp, white sheets. You immediately uncurled, sinking into the luxury mattress with a contented murmur. Rafe reached down, grabbing the heavy duvet, and carefully pulled it up over your shoulders, tucking you in until you were completely safe from the cool night breeze rolling off the Mediterranean.
For a long moment, Rafe just stood there, leaning over your side of the bed. His eyes traced the soft lines of your face in the moonlight, a rare, completely unmasked tenderness settling over his features. Slowly, he walked around to his side of the bed, sliding under the covers while keeping a respectful distance between your bodies. He turned his head on the pillow, looking at your silhouette in the dark.
"Goodnight, angel," he whispered, his rough voice barely a breath in the quiet room, before finally closing his eyes.
summary. after years of failed dating app matches, you finally hit it off with someone. heâs funny, charming, emotionally available⌠and apparently?! not who you thought he was... literally â because he used his ex-best friend suguru geto as his profile picture! so now, youâre stranded in a foreign country for the holidays, stuck with the real satoru gojo: a digimon-loving, trivia-winning, six-foot-tall nerd who... sure. may have catfished you. but he also might just win your heart.
tags/warnings. fluffy holiday au. nerdjo. light angst. slow burn. eventual smut. long distance relationship (reader is from cali, satoru is from japan). fake dating. one bed trope (yuuuup). found family feelings w/ the jjk cast. lots of dorky humor. alcohol/weed usage. thereâs a bit of suguru x reader (also sukuna hits on you a lot bc he wants to piss gojo off). endgame is satoru x reader w/ a happy ending! soft and silly romcom vibes.Â
author note. here it is lovelies, the final part to this little mini-series. i'm going to miss these two 𼲠thanks for being patient!! as you guys know, i tend to get carried away and couldn't stop yappin, heh. a few extra tags/warnings for this part include - (marijuana usage, peer pressuring, unsafe sex, cunnilingus, degradation, praise, brat taming, fingering, creampie!) i'll see ya'll at the end~ (art by @/pamalechano on x)
<<< part 1 - <<< part 2 - main masterlist
part 3 (final)
Suguruâs already waiting by the rock wall when you arrive, sipping that green abomination of a drink he insists to love. He lifts the cup in a little wave, smiling warm and slightly crooked.
âThere she is,â he calls. âMy fearless climbing partner.â
Fearless.
Right.
You try to return the smile, letting your mouth tug into something passable. Though, itâs stretched too tight, like it might snap if you breathe wrong.
âYeah⌠sorry to keep you. Were you waiting long?â
âHm? Nah,â he waves a hand, easy as ever. âJust got here. Was about to get set up.â
âPerfect!â you chirp, clapping your hands together. âIâll, uh⌠get set up too, then!â
Setting his drink down, Suguru reaches for his harness, adjusting straps and dusting chalk on his hands like heâs done this a hundred times.
(Probably because he hasâŚ)
And youâre just fumbling with your own gear, pretending youâre totally, one-hundred-percent-sure how all these buckles are supposed to sit. Youâve just managed to wrangle one leg into the harness whenâ
âHeyâŚâ
Your head jerks up.
Shit.
Does he know?
Fuck.
He can tell. He can totally tell youâre clueless, canât he?
âI um⌠just wanted you to knowâŚâ he murmurs, voice softening. âIâm really glad you came today,â his lips curl into a smile. âLike, seriously⌠I canât tell you how much Iâve been looking forward to thisâto climbing with you.â
You blink.
At this man, standing here, looking at you so fondly. Heâs hot. Heâs sincere. And his eyes are sweeping over you like youâre his fucking dream come true. So naturally, a nervous laugh slips out.
âOh⌠um. Sure!â your eyes flick away. And tucking a strand of hand behind your ear, you mumble. âMe too.â
âŚ
Thatâs the truth.
Right?
Maybe it is, because the words slip out like a stone skipping across the surface. And hopefully this smile youâve got plastered will sink beneath your skin too, allowing you to become the girl he wants.
After all, this is the man you wanted. The man you used to daydream about, late at night with your phone glowing against your pillow. The man you swiped right on with a hopeful little flutter in your chest.
But he wants a cool girl. A confident girl.
And hopefully⌠a girl who doesnât unravel halfway up the goddamn wall.
Maybe thatâs why, when Suguru turns to speak with the instructor, your hand moves on instinct â rifling through your bag for your headphones. Music is a distraction; you need a distraction. You try to be quick, though inevitably, he glances back as youâre slipping one bud into your ear andâ
âGot a go-to playlist for climbing?â
Heâs tilting his head at you, and you blink. Caught.
âO-Oh! Umâyeah. Is that okay?â your voice hitches into something casual, trying to play it off. âIt just⌠helps me focus. I donât wanna slow you down or anything.â
His grin widens. âNahh⌠I donât mind,â he drawls, tugging on the straps of his harness with a sigh. âThough, I seriously doubt thatâll be a problem. Iâve got a good feeling about you, pretty.â
Pretty.
His eyes flick to yours with a smirk, and you force a laugh.
âCool⌠yeah.â
And now, fumbling with your buckles again, something creeps in â clinking into place right alongside your harness. Something close to regret. Or perhaps, guilt?
BecauseâŚ
Waitwaitwait.
You do want to talk to him.
Right?!
Ugh! Of course, you do! Heâs kind. Gentle. And undeniably hot. But talking means holding eye contact. Staying interesting. Staying shiny. Staying⌠intact.
And that feels harder than the wall itself.
So, once the climbing begins, you let the music carry you â one grip at a time, one foothold after the next. Youâre focusing on your breath, your hands, the noise. And thereâs a lot of noise, mind you. Noise of Suguru chatting beside you, matching your pace with a bright grin and animated commentary.
What is he even saying? The hell if you know. But youâre nodding when he laughs, smiling when he gestures, and pretending youâre not counting how many feet of air sit between you and the ground below.
Somehow, miraculously â you make it to the top. Your limbs are trembling, your heart is racing, but by god, you did it. You survived this date.
âWow.â Suguru plops down beside you with a laugh, brushing sweat from his brow. âYouâre amazing.â He exhales, smiling wide. âSeriously⌠you crushed it.â
His encouragement is a relief. Though even after pulling yourself up, why does the view only remind you of who you wish was waiting here instead.
You glance at him, trying to soften your face.
âThanks⌠you did too.â
And as Suguruâs gaze gentles further, youâre not sure why it continues to pull your heart in an unsettling way. It shouldnât. Because heâs looking at you like you matter. You belong here.
âDonât feel obligated to say yes, butâŚâ he chuckles, scratching the back of his head, eyes flicking to yours. âUm. Are you⌠free again? Sometime this week? Was thinkinâ we could grab dinner or somethinâ?â
Oh.
Maybe itâs unsettling because⌠this is what it feels like to finally be chosen back.
âDaaamn,â comes a low whistle from the kitchen. âLook who finally came back to us.â
Youâre barely through the front door, fingers tugging at your coat sleeves when you hear Sukuna. Heâs propped against the counter, shirtless (for whatever reason), holding a half-finished smoothie in hand.
âThought you dipped back to America without lettinâ me celebrate. Fuckinâ rude.â
His sweatpants are low, with tattoos winding up the carved lines of his body. And his grin is crooked. Smug. Like the poster child for chaos incarnate.
You try not to feed into it.
âOh⌠hey Sukuna,â you say, toeing off your shoes. âWhatâs up? No work today?â
âNope,â he drawls, gaze sliding down your sweat-damp skin like itâs a buffet. He smirks. âBut someoneâs puttinâ in work. I mean, shit. Whatâd ya do, princessâfuckinâ wrestle a bear?â
You blink.
Oh.
Thatâs right. You hadnât thought this part through. What excuse do you give for being out all morning â on a date with someone who isnât your fake boyfriend.
âOhâuh. Gym!â you blurt, too fast. âI mean, I go. I totally go. All the time, actually. Itâs likeâa thing. My thing. Yâknow? Just⌠love those endorphins. Gotta sweat the demons out somehow, right?â You force a laugh. âHehâŚâ
Ugh.
At least itâs a⌠half-truth?
Well, more like a quarter-truth (if weâre being generous).
But Sukunaâs gaze lingers; eyes narrowing while he takes a slow sip. Like heâs tasting your bullshit, one ridiculous lie at a time.
âInterestingâŚâ he hums, tilting his head. âAnd⌠lemme get this straight. Pretty boy just slept through your morning pump? Even let you go alone?â
The moment his smoothie straw clicks between his teeth, you realize heâs loving this. Your cheeks burn, your brain buffers, scrambling for another excuse untilâ
âYeah? What about it?â
Satoruâs voice cuts through the doorway â sharp, deliberate. And heâs already there, like he sprang up the second Sukuna opened his mouth. His sleeves are shoved up, his snowy hairâs a mess.
But those eyes?
Piercing behind thick frames.
Laser-locked on Sukuna. Sharp enough to cut glass.
âSheâs a grown woman, Sukunaâ he says evenly. âDoesnât need my permission. And sheâs not your concern. Unless youâre trying to make her oneâin which case, weâve got a different problem.â
Thereâs a chill in his voice, buried beneath the casual veneer.
Sukuna smirks. âProblem?â he echoes, mock innocent. âPffft. Nah. No need to get frosty now, Snowflake. Christ. Youâre sure wound up today, huh?â
Satoruâs jaw clenches while Sukuna drains another long sip, tauntingly. Those ruby eyes flick back to you, cataloging every detail. Making his smile grow.
âDamn shame, really,â he sighs, thumbing sweat from the glass before setting it down with a thud. âIf I had a girl like you? Fuck. Iâd be losinâ sleep, seeinâ you come home all sweaty. Especially if it wasnât with me?â His grin sharpens. âOr should I say⌠from meââ
âAlright enough,â Satoru snaps, fingers curling between yours. He shoots Sukuna a glare. âGuess itâs a good thing sheâs not your girl then, huh? So fuck off.â
And with a tug of the hand, youâre being steered out of the kitchen, stumbling over the tatami while Sukunaâs wolf-whistle echoes behind you. That tingle returns â blooming in your palm â and you hate how much you like it. The way he pulls you. The way it feelsâŚ
Real.
But it isnât.
Because the moment you step into his room, the shoji slides shut â sealing the air tight with everything you wish this was.
âShit⌠sorry,â Satoru mutters, pulling away. He scrubs a palm down his face. âI just⌠got caught up again. He justâhe pisses me off.â
âYeah. No, I get it.â You nod quickly. âHeâs⌠a lot. UmâŚâ
Trailing off, your chest tightens, and the space between you begins to stretch with this unspoken weight. Like, one wrong move could suddenly snap â whatever this is â in two. His stance shifts; you glance at the floor.
Both of you reach for something to say andâ
âSoââ
ââhowâd your date go?â
The words collide midair. Hanging there. Still and stupid.
You blink. âOh,â and fiddling with your sleeve you offer. âIt was⌠good? I meanâyeah. I had fun. Suguruâs nice.â
Nodding, a clipped smile tugs at Satoruâs lips. And the silence settles again; a silence so drastically heavy, so incredibly uncomfortable, itâs almostâŚ
Unbearable.
You want to reach for something. To say something that makes this easier â or at least makes it make sense. But his gaze is on the floor, like heâs already decided not to meet you halfway.
âThatâs⌠cool,â he says.
âYupâŚâ you nod. âSuper cool.â
And thatâs it. Youâre left standing where you always are.
Close enough to touch him⌠but somehow still a world away.
You keep seeing Suguru.
And at this point?
Youâve gotten a little too good at pretending.
Coffee turns into ramen. Ramen becomes late-night drinks. Drinks stretch into hours at his place, where you sit cross-legged on the tatami, nodding along like youâre totally enthralled by his tangents on tide patterns and the healing properties of sunlight.
(Spoiler: youâre not).
Ironically, heâs become a parody of every California man whoâs ever cornered you at a party with a kombucha in one hand and a GoPro in the other.
But maybe thatâs the point. Maybe this was never about him. Maybe itâs spite. Or grief. Or that dumb, bone-deep ache that still twists whenever you remember what wasnât real.
So? You keep showing up.
For Mei. For the story. For the tiny, bruised part of you that still wants to believe that the love you had will return â the kind where you poured your heart into a strangerâs inbox at 3a.m. Perhaps if you lean in hard enough with Suguru, something will click back into place.
And youâve learned a lot about Suguru, actually.
(âŚmostly because he doesnât stop talking).
Heâs the kind of man who treats every choice like a manifesto â like ordering an oak milk latte isnât just ordering an oak milk latte â itâs a lifestyle.
(And a fucking personality trait, apparently).
But donât get it twisted. You donât⌠dislike him. Heâs not boring. In fact, heâs always chasing something. Adrenaline. Purpose.
Even⌠love.
âI donât know what it is about you,â he murmurs, eyes far away. âItâs weird⌠likeâyou already understand me. Even when I donât say anything. Like maybeâmaybe our souls already knew each other before we ever met. Is that crazy? I dunno⌠Iâve always wanted that. Been searching for it my whole damn life, actually. Itâs so hard to find.â
Your throat tightens.
Because the words pull at your own heart. Something youâve been searching for too. Something youâve always wanted as well.
Real love.
So maybe⌠youâre not so different after all?
âHey⌠tonight?â he continues, smiling now, like fate has handed him a script, âThereâs something in the sky. Stars, alignmentâI read about it earlier. Like a sign.â He reaches for your hand. âSo⌠meet me at the beach. Okay? After midnight. Just us, and the waves.â
âŚthe beach? After midnight?
You blink. Nod. And smile like that doesnât sound like your own personal hell.
Because itâs the middle of fucking winter!!
Itâs cold. Itâs windy. Itâs wet. The last place you want to be is shivering beside the ocean like some moody Pinterest couple while the tide erases your will to live and the sand fuses with your lip-gloss.
But you say yes anyway.
Because apparentlyâŚ
thatâs who you are now.
âAhhh⌠this is the best,â Suguru sighs, stretching his arms wide like he summoned the tide himself. âIâm tellinâ youâwinter beaches? So underrated.â
The beach is empty. Dark. Wind-polished and salt-bitten, half-forgotten by the world. You trail after him down a narrow dune path, sand beneath your boots, cold slicing straight through your coat. And he glances back with that easy, crooked grin.
âWanna know what the best part about goinâ to the beach in winter is?â
ââŚhm?â
He spins around, arms out, walking backwards like a showman.
âNo tourists~â
Gee, you wonder why.
Probably because itâs fucking freezing. Your thighs are numb, your nose is dripping, and your ears feel like theyâre about to crack off. But instead, you sayâ
âOh⌠yeah,â smiling thinly. âItâs⌠uh, magical for sure!â
When Suguru finds a patch of sand that heâs content with, he drops a blanket like heâs rolling out a red carpet, plopping onto it like heâs sinking into luxury.
âCâmon pretty girl,â he hums, patting the spot beside him.
You fold your legs next to him, and before you can brace for anything, heâs leaning in â no hesitation, no buildup â just his mouth on yours. Itâs eager. Too eager. Like heâs been waiting for the cue all night and finally got the green light.
You kiss him back, and his hands cradle your jaw, lips moving with practiced rhythm while the ocean hisses somewhere behind you. And you canât help but wonder if this is why he dragged you to the beach.
âŚif he just wanted to shove his tongue down your throat, you couldâve stayed at his place. Hell, at least the heater worked.
But then he pulls back, breathless. âThis is perfect,â he murmurs with a grin, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. âJust the two of us. No tourists⌠and no cops.â
Your brows knit. ââŚhuh?â
No cops?
But heâs already rummaging through his coat, and when he pulls his hand out, you stare. Because⌠is thatâ
Oh. Yup. Thatâs a blunt. Neatly rolled. Smugly held. Like he brought you a bouquet made of poor decisions.
âBrought us somethinâ special,â he mutters, already lifting it to his lips. And a spark flickers as he shields the flame with his palm, inhaling deep.
âHaaahâŚâ he exhales, smoke blowing up. âNow this? This is the life. Cold wind, clear sky⌠and somethinâ to take the edge off. Nothinâ better than a high and a view, am I right?â
You just⌠stare.
And suddenly? Pretending feels harder. Youâre not sure what to think â what to say. Something about your silence must tip him off, because his eyes narrow as he lets out a half-laugh, like heâs caught you being randomly uptight for no goddamn reason.
âPfft⌠câmon, whatâs with that look?â he scowls, grinning. âDonât tell me you donât smoke? Loosen up a little. Itâs legal in California, right?â
UhâŚ
Right. Sure. It is. But thatâs not the problem.
The problem is, you donât smoke. You donât want to be here. Donât want sand in your shoes, donât want salt in your hair, and really donât want to smile on cue while your fingers are going numb; on top of being guilted into smoking illegal weed on a beach in a foreign country, with someone who doesnât actually know you.
You try to reach for an excuse.
âItâs justâŚâ you start. âI⌠I meanââ you falter. âIâm justâŚâ
But words canât seem to take shape, and you can barely hold his gaze. That is, until your eyes briefly flick back to his andâ
Oh.
Is that⌠disappointment? Heâs not even trying to hide it. Suddenly, heâs looking at you like youâre the one being unreasonable. Youâre the one ruining the moment.
Fuck.
âI mean. Iâm justâwow,â a laugh slips out, thin and bright, reaching for the blunt. âIâm just blown away. Seriously. This is like⌠a perfect night!â
Thatâs all it takes. Suguruâs grin snaps right back into place, crooked and satisfied, like you finally said the right line in your script.
âPerfect night?â he hums. âI dunno pretty girl, I think youâre the perfect one.â
Your throat tightens, and as you bring the blunt to your lips, you tell yourself itâs no big deal â because maybe this will make everything feel easier. Maybe itâll blur the sharp edges. Maybe itâll finally soften the ache thatâs sitting in your chest.
Maybe⌠itâll make you stop comparing him to the version of him you fell for on a glowing screen.
So?
You inhale.
The high comes in gentle waves. It starts in your chest, loosens your jaw. The air suddenly feels a little warmer. Your thoughts feel a little softer too. Not dulled, exactly â just padded. Like theyâre wrapped in cotton and tucked in for the night.
You and Suguru continue to pass the blunt, and silence laps between you like the waves â not heavy, not awkward. Just⌠easy â for the first time all night, actually.
In⌠and outâŚ
âAw maaanâŚâ Suguru sighs, voice lazy as he tips his head back towards the stars. âThis kind of night makes me wish I brought my speaker. Fuck⌠damn shame. Ya canât feel anything properly without the right soundtrack, yâknow?â
At that, you flop onto your back, and before you can stop it, a giggle bubbles up.
Light. Unfiltered.
Real.
And not because Suguru said anything funny, but because your mind is doing its own thing. It randomly replayed one of those late-night conversations with Satoru. The dumb kind. The kind that would make everything feel stupidly perfect.
âYâknow what? Sometimes I think real life needs background music,â heâd said, dead serious. âLike⌠I should hear the Final Fantasy victory theme every time I parallel park on the first try. Thatâs a fucking accomplishment.â
God, you talked for hours that night. You remember hearing his pout through the phone, while you teased him, saying youâd make it his ringtone andâ
âWhatcha laughing at, pretty?â
Oh. Fuck.
Youâre high. Like⌠high-high.
Too high to come up with something flirty or mysterious. Too high to redirect. Too high to be anything but honest. So? You roll onto your side, propping yourself up on one elbow, and askâ
âYou and Satoru used to be friends, right?â
The question leaves your mouth like a passing thought, but it lands with much more weight than you intended. You watch Suguru blink, brows furrowing with an uncomfortable grin, before shaking his head like heâs trying to clear it.
âOh, uh⌠yeah? I meanââ
ââso what happened then?â you blurt, rolling onto your stomach now. You allow the blunt to hang between your fingers, cradling your chin in your palm. âWhy arenât you friends anymore?â
Cool.
Way to go. Your mouth, apparently, has no fucking guardrails.
Suguruâs quiet, and the ocean gets incredibly loud all of a sudden â like it knows you said something you werenât supposed to.
âWell⌠the thing is, sweetheart,â he mutters, voice calm but with a bite. âSome friendships burn out. While others rot from the inside out.â
You blink, and something about the way he says it â the bluntness, the bitterness â sobers you up for half a second.
(âŚbut only for half a second).
âUhhh⌠kay then,â you snort, giggling. âWow,â you snicker, biting your lip, trying to hide your grin. âThatâs like⌠really dramatic.â
You donât mean it cruelly, not at all. Your mouth just doesnât have a filter. Youâre being⌠you. But Suguru stiffens, eyes flicking to yours before they roll back to the floor, annoyed.
âDramatic?â he scoffs, laying back on the blanket, crossing his hands behind his head. âYeah fuckinâ right. Satoruâs the dramatic ass. That fuckinâ idiot.â
His tone is flat. Final. Like heâs holding up a firm hand and saying:
Thatâs enough. Drop it.
And you should know better â really, you should. But the part of you that knows when to stop? Well, sheâs currently face-down in the sand somewhere.
âSooooo thenâŚâ you drawl, kicking your feet against your back like youâre eager for the drama. âDid you guys, justâgrow apart?â
The glare Suguru shoots you?
Fierce.
âLook,â he snaps, yanking the blunt from your fingers with a sharpness. âWe didnât grow apart. I grew up. Got it?â
The tip of the blunt burns as he inhales, longer this time â like heâs trying to smoke the edge off his own bitterness. He tilts his head back to the stars, exhaling through his nose. Not looking at you. Not saying anything else.
And the silence that follows is not peaceful like before. No. It prickles. And suddenly, every single thing in your body is buzzing in the wrong way.
Your skin feels⌠wrong.
Your mouth? Dry. Your heartbeat? Way too high for someone just sitting still. And wait⌠when the fuck did your legs begin to feel so stupidly heavy?? The sand below feels like quicksand, trying to pull you under.
Fuckfuckfuck.
Your mind is in panic mode, but you canât freak out. Not here. Not now. And definitely not with him. Heâd probably laugh if you spiral, or roll his eyes and tell you to ârelax.â
So, youâre searching for something â anything â to say. Anything to defuse this. Something nonchalant. Something safe. Something that makes you look like youâre fine â youâre chill. Absolutely not losing it on the inside.
But of course, your high-ass brain lands on:
âOkay. So⌠like, hear me outâŚâ you mumble, rolling toward him again with a lopsided smile. âIf heâs dramatic, and youâre dramatic⌠doesnât that like, cancel out?â
He lets out an aggravated groan, and is turning to you fully now. Snapping.
âJesus fucking Christ, will you quit it?â he barks, scolding you. âCan we just fuckinâ drop this? The worldâs had enough of Satoru Gojo. Iâve had enough of Satoru Gojo. I really donât want to ruin this night by talking about that fuckinâ pretentious ass nerd, understood?â
The smile you wore evaporates before you can even stop it, and suddenly, your body is shrinking in on itself.
âOh. Yeah. Sure⌠Iâm sorry.â
The words are quiet, delicate. Like it took everything in you to mutter them out. But he doesnât seem to give a fuck. He plops back on the blanket again, taking another hit while his eyes stay up on the stars, like youâre no longer part of the scenery.
Silence holds steady the rest of the night. While youâre lying beside him, blinking at the sky, trying not to cry. But the stars keep shining, the waves keep crashing, the wind keeps howling.
So loud. So bright. So cold.
And being high?
âŚdoesnât seem very fun.
When Suguru drops you off at Satoruâs place, youâre praying to every god youâve ever heard of, that heâs asleep.
After all, youâre high. So naturally, the only thing you want to do is crawl into bed and pretend this disaster of a night never fucking happened. Youâre easing the front door open, trying to stay as quiet as possible; like maybe, if youâre gentle enough, the universe will spare you. But of courseâ
âPhew⌠there you are.â
Shit. Youâre never that lucky.
His voice floats in from the living room, and when you look up, the soft flicker of TV light spills across his face. Heâs sprawled out on the futon couch, with soft blues painting his pale skin and snowy hair. One legâs propped up, one armâs slung behind his head, and the other holds a remote loosely in hand.
God...
How does he look that good in this lighting? And for what? Watching Digimon, of all things.
Your high-ass brain is short-circuiting. All it wants to do is crawl into his lap and nuzzle into the crook of his neck like some sleepy woodland creature. He looks so cozy.
ââŚsweetheart?â he hums, tilting his head. âWhere were you?â
You blink, snapping back to reality.
Shit.
This is real life. Heâs here. Why is he here?! What do you say? What do you do?
Okay. No biggie. Youâre totally normal. You can do this. Just channel your breezy, definitely-not-falling apart chill-girl energy.
(Sheâs in there somewhere).
âOh! Heyyy,â you chirp, voice too bright, too fast, cringing the second it leaves your mouth. âYâknow how it is! Was justâout. With Suguru. Uh, sorry. But you didnât have to wait up for me, yâknow.â
Averting his gaze, Satoru sighs. âYeah, wellâŚâ he mumbles, lowering the volume before looking over at you again. âI guess I just, couldnât sleep. I was⌠umâkinda worried about you, actually.â
Heâs rubbing the back of his neck, and you try not to wobble as you kick off your shoes â while also trying not to melt. Because what the hell is your heart doing right now, hearing that admission from him?
âWorried?â you drawl, reaching for casual but landing on sarcasm. âPffffft⌠thatâs silly. Youâre silly. Why?â
He blinks. Deadpan.
âMaybe âcause itâs 4:27am. You do realize that⌠right?â
Your head jerks up.
Oh shit. It is?!
Blinking hard, you try to play it off. But heâs already sighing, eyes drifting away again, like heâs reeling something back in.
âAnd, um⌠sorry. Butâyou didnât answer any of my texts?â
Texts?!
Fumbling for your phone like it might prove him wrong, you thumb the screen â and yup. There they are. Four unread messages. All from him. Spaced out like a countdown clock.
âShit. Iâm sorââ
But the words die on your tongue. Because now? Heâs looking at you. Really looking; with his brow arched, his head tilted â like, heâs running a full diagnostic scan on your behavior and isnât loving the results.
Oh god.
Is he onto you?
You laugh nervously. âWow, Iâm sooooo bad at responding,â you say, waving it off like itâll clear the air. âJeez, my bad. Was just busy. Suguru, like⌠wanted to show me the ocean or whatever.â
Tugging your coat off, you feel a stare as blue as the ocean itself, holding you. âThe ocean?â he repeats, sitting up, brows pulling together. âWait⌠but. Isnât it winter?â
At that, your face lights up like a Christmas tree, and a giggle bubbles out before you can stop it. Itâs perfect. You could kiss him right now. That confusion? Gold. Pure gold. Because finally, someone else thinks this night makes no fucking sense.
That is, until â heâs giving you that look again. Tilting his head not in suspicion, but in study. Like heâs measuring the pitch of your laugh, or tuning into the slur behind your rhythm andâ
Fuck.
âYup! Uh⌠anyways!â you blurt, breezing past him. âGod, Iâm starving. Do we have snacks? Snacks sound good! I swear I havenât eaten since, like⌠last year.â
The words tumble out, and you donât wait for a response. You flee; bee-lining right for the kitchen while all you can think is: momentum. Momentum will save you. Momentum means he canât look too hard. Momentum means you donât have to explain tonight andâ
Oh look!
Chips?
Perfect.
Something to chew? Something to do. Something to keep your mouth busy so it doesnât confess anything else stupid. So, you grab the bag like itâs your salvation, fumbling with the clip untilâ
Why is this suddenly an IQ test?
âWhat the fuckâŚâ you mutter, the plastic crinkling loud, echoing in the dark pantry while your fingers betray you. âCâmonnn,â you whine quietly under your breath. âWho fuckinâ designed this? NASA? Ugh⌠justâ"
âHeyââ
You jump so hard you nearly drop the damn thing.
Whipping around, your heart is in your throat and Satoruâs right there. Materialized behind you like he fucking teleported. Arms crossed; head tipped. Thereâs something carefully watchful in the set of his shoulders, with concern sharpening his features into something almost serene.
Especially with that blue.
Youâre blinking into it like a deer-in-headlights â a blue that shouldnât even exist in nature. Itâs too vivid, too vibrant; the kind of blue they warn you about in poetry. Like moonlight frozen into glass, backlit by some distant, dying star.
âŚpretty.
Pretty enough to drown in. Pretty enough to make you forget heâs the guy who broke your heart. Pretty enough to make you want to crawl into his lap right now⌠and not feel like such a mess of a person.
Itâs criminally unfair.
âUm,â you mumble. âHi?â
Youâre standing there at the base of the pantry, like a child caught sneaking candy, and he shoves his hands into his pockets, cautiously stepping closer.
âHeyâŚâ a breath pushes through his nose, lips pursing. âAre you⌠good?â he asks quietly. And the tone isnât⌠judgmental, exactly. But something about it feels dangerous. Like you need to overcorrect it.
âMe?â you blurt, shoving a chip into your mouth like itâll make you look normal. âYeah. Totally. Peachy keen!â His eyes only narrow. ââŚthat so?â And you nod hard. âMhm!!â
The crunch echoes, while youâre stuffing another handful of chips into your mouth, like if you eat fast enough, you can swallow the panic whole. Itâs a mindless movement untilâ
âHoly shitâŚâ youâre moaning, licking your fingers like theyâre laced with gold. Because why are these chips so fucking good?!âHave you had these? Theyâre sooo good. Mnhâ!â
Satoru blinks, deadpan, while you shovel another bite into your mouth â blinking like youâve just had a spiritual awakening.
âThis salt is magic,â you drawl, digging through the bag for more. âThese chips kinda remind me of those Maui onion onesââ you ramble. âYou know, with the purple bag? Waitâdo you have those here? Oh my god. If youâve been holding out on meâif youâre hoarding the good snacksâthatâs rude as fuâ
ââare you high?â
Blinking with a chip halfway to your mouth, itâs like the universe just paused mid-cutscene and forgot to load your next line of dialogue. Your stomach drops, and youâd think youâd learn not to lie again butâ
âPffft. No?â you force a laugh, rolling your eyes. âThatâs crazy. Youâre crazy.â
He frowns. âYouâre acting⌠weird.â
âWeird how?â you mumble, still chewing. Because if you stop chewing? You might start crying. Or confess your whole soul. Or both.
Tilting his head, he sighs. âHow?â and scoffs. âWell, let's seeââ His hand shoots out from his pocket, ticking off your bullshit with his fingers.
âYour eyes are glassyâand not in the cute, dreamy way. Nah. I mean full-on aquarium mode. Like, blink-twice-if-youâre-consciousâkinda way.â You blink twice. âPlus, your voice is all soft and slurry. Like when Iâd call you at 4 a.m. and youâd pick up sounding all sleepy and cute like an angel, andââ
Face flushing, your jaw snaps shut as he barrels on.
âOhâ! Letâs not forget that youâre randomly inhaling shrimp chips like theyâre oxygen on Christmas Day⌠but yeah. Weird. Did I miss anything?â
Blinking, you look down at the bag clutched to your chest like it betrayed you.
Damn shrimp chips.
ââŚokay, well,â you scoff, pouting as you shovel in another bite. âThat last part is just because theyâre good.â
Rolling his eyes, he huffs. âLook⌠sweetheart. Donâtââ
âStop overthinking it!â you snap. âIâm not high, okay?â
And he stills, eyes blinking with plea â begging you to give in and be honest. But your emotionally high-ass keeps digging your own grave. A breath pushes out his nose, and he closes his eyes; slow, exasperated â like heâs counting to ten in his head.
Heâs trying. God, heâs trying. Trying not to be that guy; the one who lectures, who controls, who dictates what you can and canât do â who you can or canât be. No. Satoruâs known what itâs like to choke on someone elseâs expectations, heâs dealt with that his whole damn life.
Heâs not that guy.
Heâs the guy who made excuses to his friends so you and Suguru could have another night out. The guy who stayed up staring at his phone, waiting for it to buzz with your name. Who left the porch light on because something felt⌠off. And the guy who looked sick with worry when you finally showed up.
ââŚwhy are you lying to me?â
The words arenât angry, theyâre⌠hurt. It lands in your gut, making your throat burn.
âWow. Thatâs rich coming from you.â
It slips out unintentionally, because itâs impossible to filter your messy feelings; especially when youâve already been peeled apart once tonight â stripped down raw by Suguruâs disappointment.
Satoru stiffens. âThe fuck is that supposed to mean?â
Crossing your arms, you scowl. âDonât play dumb. You know what it means,â you gesture bitterly. âYouâre allowed to lie. But me? OhoâŚâ you scoff, blinking back tears. âGod forbid I smoke some weed. Like me having fun is a goddamn crimeâ"
ââbecause it IS a crime!â
You flinch, stunned. Not just at the volume, but the bite behind it. Itâs a bite heâs never given you. And the moment Satoru hears it too, he stills, trying to reel it back.
âShit. Sorry. I justâ!â guilt flares his expression. âWhat I mean is. Youâre wrongâor ratherââ his eyes squeeze shut, tugging at his hair. âFuckâyou canât just do that! Donât do dumb shââ
Groaning in frustration, itâs like heâs unable to find how to say it without sounding like an asshole.
âLookâthis is not California,â he pleas. âYou know that, right? Itâs not some dorm room party. Itâs fucking illegal. You can get arrested. Or deported. Christ, what were you thinking?â
The words only humiliate you further.
Because all you hear is: reckless. dumb. wrong.
Maybe heâs not seeing it. Not seeing the most fragile, exhausted, strung-out version of you, hiding behind this fake persona. The version who tried not to have a fucking mental breakdown on the beach a few hours ago. The version whoâs spent the last week building a house of fucking lies, just to keep up with this circus.
Or maybe youâre getting too good at lying.
But now? Now youâre fucking done.
âKay then. Cool,â you snap, brittle, slamming the chip bag into his chest. âThanks for the info. Seriously. Super helpful. Clearly Iâm justââ your voice cracks, pitching higher, uglier, ââIâm just some dumb fucking American girl who doesnât know anythingââ
âWait, heyââ He stumbles after you, blinking as you shoulder past him down the hall. âThatâs notââ
âNo, itâs fine!â you fire back over your shoulder, not slowing down. âAppreciate the lecture. I love getting lectured! Like, truly. Itâs kinda my thing now.â A bitter laugh bursts out, sharp and miserable. âI mean, Suguru did it earlier, so honestly? Thanks for completing the set.â
That makes him stumble. âWaitâhe what?â His pace stutters, a beat behind yours. âSweetheartâshit. Iâm not trying toâfuck, justâcan you slow down for a second?â
But you donât. Not until you reach his room and shove the door open, not until he grabs your arm and pulls you to a stop and you whirl around so fast you nearly lose your balance.
You choke. âI get it, okay?â voice cracking as you tremble. âIâm reckless. Iâm irresponsible. I make dumb ass decisions likeââ your laugh is wet and mean. âLike flying across the world for a guy who doesnât even want me here.â
His face tightens. âStop. Thatâs notââ
âIt is!â you swallow down a sob. âDonât act like you give a shit about me. I know youâre lying! Thatâs your thing. Youâre good at it. Youâre likeâŚâ you hiccup, eyes squeezing shut, ââŚI donât know. Professional. Like fucking⌠Olympic level.â
He huffs. âBaby, no. Iââ
âBut Iâm NOT!â you shout, sniffling, scrubbing your face with your sleeve. âAnd Iâm tired. Tired of acting normal. Tired of trying to beââ you gesture helplessly at your whole stupid body. ââcool about any of this when Iâm not cool. Iâm not.â
âSweetheart,â he braces both hands on your arms. âSeriously. Stop. Itâsââ
You laugh again. âAnd now Iâm here, embarrassing myself. Again. Because clearly, I donât know when to stop. I never fucking do! God, Iâm so stupid.â You whisper, voice wobbling. âB-Because I came all the way here and I fell in love with a man whoâs not even realââ
Blinking, Satoruâs hold loosens as he stands, stunned.
âI justâhate you,â you gasp, shaking your head like you canât believe yourself. âI hate that I love you. I hate that you lied to meââ your chest heaves, breath stuttering, ââI hate that I still love you, I hate that I s-stillââ
Before the words can finish, heâs crashing his lips to yours, thumbing away your tears and swallowing your pain. Itâs a dizzying, breathless rhythm, and you melt into it â into him. Heâs all you feel, all you know. Your knees buckle, and his hands slip lower.
âWill you shut up already?â he mutters between kisses. âYouâre soâfuckââ he moans, kissing you harder, pulling you into him. âStupid. And reckless andâ"
âMnhââ you whimper. And he groans, hands palming your ass, hauling you up around his waist. âDo you even hear yourself?â he scoffs, hoisting you higher as he strides towards the bed. âYou really think I donât want you here?â
The moment your bodies hit the mattress, you gasp. He cages you in with both arms, muscles trembling as he exhales through gritted teeth.
âOkayâfirst of allâŚâ he huffs, trying to play it cool even though his heart is about to explode. âYou donât get to say I donât exist⌠not when Iâm literally right fucking here.â
Youâre breathless beneath him, blinking up at that stupidly beautiful face. His glasses are crooked. His hairâs a mess, falling in his eyes. And heâs looking at you like your body is the only language heâs ever been fluent in.
âI-IâŚâ you whisper. âI didnât mean it likeââ
âItâs whateverâŚâ he grits, fists curling in the sheets. âProbably deserve that. Maybe worse. But my point isâyou really think I lied about everything?â he breathes, shaking his head. âCâmon now⌠all those late-night calls⌠you think Iâd fake that?â
You canât speak. Your chest is rising too fast â buzzing from the weed, from the kiss, from him. From how he feels above you, solid and real and goddamn burning.
âI-I⌠I dunno what I thoughtâŚâ you whisper.
He huffs a broken laugh. âYeah? No shitâŚâ
For a moment, his gaze flicks to your mouth â your swollen lips, damp and plump from him. He swallows, adam apple bobbing as his eyes snap back up.
ââŚoh, fuck me,â he whispers, trying to regain himself. âLookâI lied about my face. But thatâs it, okay? Everything else was me. Every stupid text. Every late-night call. Every time I made you laugh just to hear it again. That was me.â
A breath stutters out of him.
âAnd I love you, you idiot.â
Something in your chest detonates, and maybe itâs the weed, or maybe itâs the intensity butââSatoruâŚâ you breathe, reaching for his collar. ââŚy-yeah? Mnhâ!â
The noise is half gasp, half moan as you yank him down â your legs parting on instinct, hooking around his hips to pull him flush. When his cock presses right up against your warm cunt, his breath hitches.
He groans. âBabyââ and his hands fly to your thighs, trembling, torn between pulling away or ripping your clothes off. âMnh⌠w-waitââ But you grind up against him, shameless and aching, and the choice is made for him.
âOh fuck,â he rasps, dick twitching hard against you, growing thick and desperate. âAhn⌠âtoru, youâre so hard,â you whimper, rocking your hips against the line of his cock, devouring him.
Heâs shuddering with restraint, and you whine, breaking the kiss. âWant you to fuck me,â you pant, wrapping your arms around his neck. âWant you so bad⌠want you filling me up andââ
He gasps. âYou canât justâunnghâŚâ groaning, his head drops to your shoulder as you grind your clothed cunt against his dick. âDonâtâfuck, donât say that,â he chokes, kissing you again, messier. âYouâre high andâhaaaâŚâ
But your nails curls behind his neck and now heâs rutting instinctively, nudging your sweet little cunt against his cock like it knows exactly where it belongs.
âYes! Yes pleaseââ you whimper. His mouth begins moving down your neck, teeth grazing skin before sucking a mark into your pulse. âM-Moreââ you gasp, and he groans, hands sliding to your ass, hauling you into the rhythm of his hips.
âAhâSatoruââ
âShit,â he pants, losing rhythm. âFuck. Okayâokay, okay, justââ
It looks like heâs going to lose it. His hands tighten on your thighs like heâs about to rip you in two, to bury himself inside you, to disappear.
But then he rips himself away. Wrenching himself back with a gasp, he drops back on the bed, dragging a hand over his face.
âI canât,â he rasps, voice wrecked. âNot like this. Youâre high, and IâmâŚâ throat bobbing, he huffs. âFuckâIâm too fucking in love with you to do this wrong.â
Youâre left panting, trembling â aching and wet and burning where his cock was just pressing. Turning to face him, your lips part, your chest heaves. And itâs hard to hide it â the rejection hurts.
When his eyes flutter to yours, he groans, dragging a palm down his face and blindly reaching for your hand.
âNo⌠nonono, please donât give me that look,â he mutters, lacing your fingers with his. âDonât think I donât want you, okay? Because I do. I want you so bad itâs making me fucking stupid.â
You swallow, lips twitching into a wry smile. âOh⌠You do?â And he huffs. âUh⌠duh?!â His thumb rubbing over your knuckles. âLike⌠did you miss the part where I nearly blacked out trying not to fuck you into next week?â
Biting your lip, you grin.
âOhâŚâ And he huffs, rolling onto his side to face you. âYeah. âOh.ââ He mumbles.
Your breaths mingle, and his gaze drops again â dragging down your body, lingering like heâs memorizing you. Or maybe punishing himself. They flick back up, molten. âGod, I hope you knowâŚâ he murmurs, low and wrecked. âThe second youâre sober, Iâm going to fucking ruin you.â
Your thighs press together, a shiver rippling down your spine. And even with the ache still pulsing between your thighs â even after all the lies and chaos of this trip â you know, with total clarity:
That?
Was the truest thing youâve ever heard.
As you stir awake, Satoruâs sleepy hum vibrates against your back. His palm slides over your stomach, and his thighs are warm between yours, grounding you in a reality sweeter than any dream.
âMorningâŚâ he murmurs, voice thick with sleep, lips brushing the nape of your neck. âYouâre⌠still here?â he breathes, relieved. âIâm notâdreaming, right?â
Your heart tugs, and your lips curve into a slow, drowsy smile.
âNope⌠still here,â you whisper, lacing your fingers over his hand. âYouâre stuck with me.â
Exhaling a shaky laugh, he buries his face into your neck.
âFine by meâŚâ he mumbles, grinning against your skin. âBest present I couldâve asked for. Merry Christmas, angel.â
Something tight in your chest finally loosens. Youâd come all this way hoping for something like this â warmth, connection, proof you hadnât imagined it all â and here he is, holding you like you belong.
Rolling towards him, your breath hitches as those pale lashes flutter open; with soft blue eyes, warm and careful, shimmering like youâre something holy.
Like youâre his.
âYeahâŚâ you whisper, leaning in. âMerry Christmas, âtoru.â And as your nose brushes his, breaths mingling, you close the distance, allowing your lips to chase his.
Itâs a slow rhythm, tender. You feel his fingers tense at your waist, like heâs holding back. But remembering his words last night, you pull him closer, kissing him deeper.
âIâll fucking ruin you.â
âMnh⌠âtoruâŚâ you whine. âP-PleaseâŚâ
And that does it. His mouth opens beneath yours with a quiet, shaky sound. His grip tightens, and the kiss deepens â hungrier now, messier.
âGodâŚâ he rasps against your lips. âYouâre killing me⌠mnh,â and as he tugs you against his twitching dick, you grin against his mouth, thrilled by the tension thrumming through him.
Itâs electric; a dominant side of him youâre hungry for. He exhales a groan while you fist your hand into the fabric of his shirt andâ
Swoosh!
The shoji slams open.
âOkayâenough!â Sukuna barks, crossing his arms with a scowl. âThe fuck is takinâ so long, are you two dead? Itâs noon. We gonna celebrate Christmas or whaââ
Freezing mid-rant, his eyes narrow at your tangled bodies, making you scramble apart like teenagers caught. Footsteps echo down the hallway andâ
âDude, DUDE!â Yuji hisses, skidding into the doorway, nearly tripping over his socks. âCâmon bro. What did we say about boundaries, huh? Knock before you enter? Remember that one?â Sukunaâs rolling his eyes, and Yuji is grabbing him by the shoulders, steering him out. âMerry Christmas you two!â he calls brightly. âBreakfast is ready wheneverâuhâyouâre done!â
With the door slamming shut, youâre left blinking up at the ceiling, heat blooming across your cheeks. Satoru groans into the pillow beside you, dramatic and muffled. You peek over at him. He peeks back. And then you both start laughing.
âWellâŚâ you sigh, brushing a finger along his wrist. âUm⌠on the bright side? At least we donât have to keep pretending in front of them?â
Exhaling, he flops back with a huff, draping an arm over his eyes.
âYeah⌠true.â
You watch his chest rise and fall. Heâs trying to collect himself, his breathing, his desire, the moment that slipped through your fingers. Gone. And you try so hard not to pout.
DamnitâŚ
Your thighs are still slick and your body is still humming from the promise he made you last night. Heâs supposed to be yours.
âUm⌠hey,â You turn to him, eyes soft. He hums. âHm?â Those blue eyes flutter open, still heavy with affection. And pouting, despite yourself, you trace your fingers over the slope of his jaw as your filthy admission slips out.
âUm⌠I was kinda hoping to spend all of Christmas morning with you between my legs?â you whisper, voice small and teasing.
Satoru chokes on a laugh, face going pink.
âO-Oh. Oh my god,â he mutters, glancing at the door like he half-expects Yuji to kick it in again. Then he looks back at you, lips twitching. âShit. Didnât realize you were on the naughty list, sweetheart.â
Heat prickles your cheeks. âI-I justââ You pout again, turning your face into the pillow. âUgh. Itâs not fair. I want youâŚâ
After a beat of silence, you hear him sigh, along with the soft rustle of sheets as his hand finds your waist.
âLater⌠okay?â he murmurs into your ear, kissing your neck. âWhen no oneâs around to kick down the door. I promise. You can have me all to yourself.
âOkayâŚâ
But it seemed like later never came.
Because Satoruâs little found family is loud, and chaotic.
Yuji had somehow gotten his hands on a pair of reindeer antlers and was sprinting through the estate with a karaoke mic in hand. Megumi was pretending to be invisible, avoiding all involvement. And Shoko was three mimosas deep, daring Nanami to take a shot every time someone said Christmas spirit.
And Sukuna?
Well, even you were getting fed up with the asshole, considering how many times heâd managed to cockblock you.
Your first attempt was after breakfast, fingers slipping into Satoruâs hand. âHey, âtoru?â you whispered. âI think I left my water in the kitchen, come with me?â
Satoru blinked, then smiled, following without hesitation.
The moment the door shut? You were on him again â hands on his chest, lips chasing his, trying to claw back that burning morning momentum. You manage to get him backed against the counter, your mouth hot and insistent, and your hips nudging his with a whimper.
âMnhâw-whoa, sweetheart, Iââ But the words were swallowed. You kissed him again, and he melted into it with a breathless laugh. âBabyâmmâwhatâs gotten into you,â he gasps, smiling against your lips, hands gripping at your waist. âDid Santaâmmâspike your drink or somethââ
Breaking into a moan, you began rubbing against his dick, coaxing at the bulge in his pants. It was addicting. âWant you,â you whispered, panting against the corner of his mouth. Your palm pressed firmer against his cock. âYou said later, âtoru. Itâs later. Pleaseâjustââ
SLAM!
The fridge door slammed shut and you both jerked back, bodies going stiff.
Sukuna stood there, totally unfazed, twisting the cap off a half-empty carton of eggnog with a smug little grin. âHm? Oh. Donât mind meee,â he drawled, leaning against the counter like he owned it. âJust needed a refill.â
Squeezing your eyes shut, you hid your mortified face into Satoruâs chest. His arm came around you instinctively, though his shoulders were tense, and his jaw was clenched. Sukuna took a long sip from the carton, deliberately slow, licking a drop from his lips while Satoru glared.
âSeriouslyâŚ?â Satoru muttered. And Sukuna just huffed, innocently. âWhat? I was thirsty.â
That was one of⌠many, instances.
There was another time you tried pulling Satoru into the hallway, only to find Sukuna strolling out of the bathroom.
âKinky,â he whistled, laughing as you jolted apart, the moment he walked past you two. âDamn. Donât I get a turn underneath the mistletoe too?â
Or there was the time you slipped onto Satoruâs lap during whatever dumb Christmas movie Yuji had thrown on, pretending to watch it while whispering filth into his ear. Youâd barely gotten through half a sentence before Sukuna appeared over the back of the couch with a bowl of popcorn.
âSo,â he said casually, crunching loud as hell. âDo ya think Die Hard is a good Christmas movie? âCause I think itâs the best one. Really puts me in the Christmas spirit.â
Nanami groaned, reaching for another shot. And you wanted to scream.
Because worst of all?
There were the moments that didnât even involve Sukuna. Moments where you were the one unraveling, while Satoru was the one holding the line. Every time; heâd tense, stopping it, stopping you. Not cruelly, but with gentle care.
âCâmon baby⌠not yet,â heâd murmur, hands on your hips pulling you back, pleading. âP-Please? Not like this.â
You tried not to take it personally. Because you knew he was trying to be good. Knew he was sweet to his core, terrified of crossing a line he couldnât uncross. Thatâs why he stopped last nightâŚ
Right?
Ugh. The rejection was breaking your heart. And it was getting harder to breathe around him. Harder to act normal.
You felt like a goddamn slut in heat.
You were tired of pretending you didnât want him. Tired of the push and pull. Tired of the way your body lit up every time he looked at you like that â soft and hungry and restrained â and then did nothing about it.
It was embarrassing.
It was unfair.
And it was starting to make you bitter.
So? That brings you to now. You, sitting on the couch, knees pulled in as you try not to pout, while Satoru steps off to the bathroom.
âAww,â Sukuna plops beside you with a satisfied sigh. âWhy the long face? Donât look so heartbroken, sweetheart.â
Glancing over, his lips tug up into a crooked smirk, and you try not to scowl.
Asshole.
âIâm not,â you lied.
He huffs an amused laugh. âOh, you definitely are,â and tilting his head, he exhales with exaggerated pity. âMm⌠lemme guess. Lover boy went to go powder his nose after blue-balling you all day?â
Yeah. Well.
Whose fault is that?!
âAnnnnd⌠Iâm jusâ sayinââ Sukuna leans closer, voice dropping into something conspiratorial. âI bet heâs in there jerkinâ off to restraint, huh?â
You scoff, rolling your eyes.
âJesus Christ. Youâre vile.â
His grin grows. âGuilty.â And leaning back, he spreads his legs. âBuuuut⌠who can blame me? Iâm only saying what weâre all thinking. I mean, poor thing,â he gestures to you. âYou got all dolled up, flew down here, and still no Christmas cheer between your legs? What a fuckinâ shame,â he clicks his tongue.
You look away. He was pissing you off more. But he wasnât wrong.
âHey. Yâknow what?â he murmurs, âI think that since youâre the star of the night⌠we oughta let you put the star on the tree.â
Huh?
Frowning, you glance toward the towering evergreen in the corner of the room.
âUh⌠the fuck are you talking about?â you mutter.
His ruby eyes gleam. âItâs tradition,â he says, smirking like it isnât total bullshit. âA Japanese tradition. Big finale and all.â And rising to his feet, he stretches like a lazy cat. âCâmon. You climb, Iâll hold you steady. Donât want a pretty little thing like you falling and breaking something, right?â
Extending his hand, he winks, giving you that wolfish grin, sharp enough to cut ribbon; like the devil himself, daring you to make things worse.
And suddenly? Youâre remembering Satoruâs jealous glare, the one heâd give Sukuna while you were pretending to date. Along with his tightened grip. Or the way heâd snapped before he could stop himself andâ
OhâŚ
Satoru says youâre on the naughty list?
Fine. Youâll show him just how naughty you can be.
âCaaaaareful there, sweetheart,â Sukuna drawls. âThaaaatâs it⌠just a little more to the left.â
When Satoru walks out and sees you halfway up the ladder?
He sees fucking red.
Youâre stretching for the top of the tree, with that soft strip of skin above your hips, flashing like bait. While Sukuna stands directly beneath you; hands planted on your hips. Not even pretending itâs for balance.
No. His head is tipped back, and his eyes are openly tracking the curve of your ass like heâs admiring fucking art.
âYou got it?â Sukuna calls up lazily, biting his lip. âBy all means, no rush. I got you. Justââ
âThe fuck are you doing?â
As Satoruâs voice cuts through, the room seems to tilt. You pause, eyes flicking to him. And glancing over his shoulder lazily, Sukunaâs grin widens, pure disrespect.
âOh, hey snowflake.â He hums. âYouâre back.â
Satoru doesnât even blink; heâs crossing the room in three, long, purposeful strides. Theyâre controlled. Because if he doesnât keep them controlled? Heâll break Sukunaâs fucking jaw.
âOh, relax,â Sukuna says, lifting his hands in lazy surrender while Satoru closes the distance. âShe wanted to put the star on the tree. Iâm just beinâ a gentleman andââ
âNO youâre fucking not!â Hands slam into Sukunaâs chest while Satoru shoves him back â hard enough that he stumbles, knocking himself into the table with a grunt. âBack off. Asshole.â
Sukuna smirks, straightening. âDamn,â he whistles, chucking as he rubs his shoulder. âTouchy-touchy, hm?â
But Satoruâs moved past him. His sharp gaze snaps to you, and your tummy flutters from a new hue of the familiar blue.
Dangerous.
âHey. Can you come with me?â he mutters, tugging you down carefully, firm but insistent âO-Oh, huh?â you blink, trying to play it off. âYeah, sure.â But you know damn well that itâs not a request. Because heâs dragging you down the hallway, pulling you behind him, straight towards his bedroom.
The moment the door slides shut, he stands there, holding your hand, his back to you. You see his chest rising and falling, like he fucking ran here. And when his eyes flick to yours, you can feel it. Feel the inner conflict swimming through them.
âLook⌠Iââ he pulls his hand away, dragging it through his hair. âI donât want you toâI mean Iâfuck. Iâd appreciate it if youânothatsoundsweirdâugh!â he groans, pulling at his hair while he begins to pace.
âWhy is this so hard?â
You tilt your head innocently.
âHm? What is?â
Halting, his eyes flick to yours; defeated. And he groans.
âLookâŚâ he begins, voice tight. âIâm⌠Iâm trying. Okay?â he exhales, frustrated. âLike, really fucking trying to be normal about this. To not be an asshole.â His hands gesture vaguely in the air, like heâs searching for the right words.
âA-And I⌠I know. I know I donât have a right to ask you what to do,â he adds, quickly, words tumbling out. âButâfuck. I canât fucking stand him, sweetheart. Canât stand the way he looks at you!â
Pulling in another shuddering breath, his nostrils flare.
âI meanâhe treats everything like a fucking game, like youâre a fucking prize to be won, not a person. And Iâm trying not to ruin Christmas, but pleaseâdonât fucking do that. Donât let him. I mean, for godâs sakeâwhy? Why are you letting him?!â
The words rip out, and the silence that follows hits like a pin drop in a cathedral. Satoru halts, panting, blinking. Surprised by his own sharpness, while you stand there, hands folded together innocently.
âWhat?â you ask, with a syrupy little lilt. âLet him?â you bat your lashes. âW-Whoâme?â
At that, Satoruâs eyes widen; like he finally realized what the fuck youâre doing. The game youâre playing. Blinking, his lips part. Speechless.
Oh.
You little brat.
You wanted him to snap.
âIâŚâ he exhales through his nose, pursing his lips as he tries to contain himself. âSeriouslyâŚ? I see what youâre doing and⌠fucking hell,â he mutters. âDonâtâdonât do that.â
Blinking again, you tilt your head. âDo what?â you ask, and he scowls, shaking his head. âThat look. Stop. Donât look at me like that.â
Stepping closer, you bite back a grin. âHm? Whatever do you mean?â you stand in front of him now while he towers over you, face hardening. âHow am I looking at you, âtoru?â
His jaw ticks. âLikeâŚâ he grits, exhaling. âLike you want me to do something about it.â
That devilish grin playing on your lips answers for you. You take another step forward. Then another. Close enough to tilt your chin up and murmur, âSukuna said itâs Japanese tradition for me to put the star on the tree...â
Satoruâs whole body tenses.
âAnd he was so sweet,â you add, voice light, âholding me steady while I reached for the top. Said itâd be a shame if I slipped and broke something pretty.â You pretend to ponder. âMaybe Iâll go thank him properly andâ"
âOh, fuck thatââ
His mouth is on yours before you can blink. You moan as his tongue slides past your lips with rough, starving insistence, stealing your breath, making your knees wobble.
You feel the hard line of his cock grind against your stomach through his pants, rigid and throbbing. Heâs panting into your mouth like he hasnât been able to breathe for days â and that smug little spark of victory blooms hot in your belly.
Success.
âSatoruâwaitââ you try, laughing into his mouth as he backs you up, âWhatâs wrong? I justâ" but the moment the wall slams into your back, you gasp, breathless. His pale lashes are low over glassy eyes, and his plump lips glisten from your kiss.
âOho? You think youâre so fuckinâ funny, hm?â
His cock strains in his pants, leaking for you. And when his thigh slips between yours, rubbing filthy circles against your soaked cunt, the broken sound that tears out of you is embarrassing; with your hips tipping forward on instinct.
âAhâyesss,â you gasp out a moan, slick soaking through your panties. He feels it, and his mouth curves. âWhatâs this?â he huffs tauntingly, pressing harder, fanning your cheek. âMessy little thing⌠guess I shouldâve bent you over sooner.â
Your head falls back with a thud, and your pulse is everywhere, thrumming through your body as he whispers sweet filth into your ear. Heâs rutting slow and lazy into your thigh now, shameless while his cock drips along the waistband of his boxers, oozing from the tip.
âYouâre desperate for cock, huh?â he chuckles, dragging his thigh up again, firmer this time, making your toes curl, your cunt ache. âBeen actinâ naughty all day just to get me like this, hm?â
Biting your lip, you whisper. âM-Maybe⌠what of it?â trying to hold the power, but youâre cracking. âAfter all, you said youâd ruin me, Satoru. So fuckinâ do it already.â
âFine,â he spits, hauling you off the wall and throwing you onto the bed. He follows immediately after, looming over you like heâs snapped. âYou want someone to hold you steadyâŚ?â he growls, yanking your hips to the edge with rough hands, tugging your pants down your thighs with shaky breaths. âThen Iâll fuckinâ ruin your balance, ruin all of youâbrat.â
Cold air hits your glistening slit, and the moment your pants are at your feet, so is he â dropping to his knees like heâs ready to worship. But when you look down at him â jaw clenched, eyes blazing with something far too hungry to be reverence â you realize itâs not mercy he offers.
âOh, toruâmnhâŚ" His breath fans your cunt, and your touch starved pussy is dripping between your thighs when he spreads them open. âShitâŚâ he smirks, rubbing firm circles over your puffy clit. âGod, look at you. Such a pretty little cuntâŚâ
Youâre whining as the wet drag of his tongue joins in, lapping at your slick â with hard, then soft little flicks. He flattens with a slow, filthy drag up your swollen little clit, again and again, until youâre gushing all over his soft, shiny lips.
âFuckâŚâ your thighs tremble, making him grin, slurring. âMmm⌠there she is,â he mumbles into your heat. âThatâs my girl, this what you wanted, angel?â Two fingers sink in deep, pumping into your tiny dripping hole, making you gasp.
How are they so long?! And with the dual stimulation, itâs overwhelming.
âOhmygodâfuck, I canâtâmnh!â But Satoru is unrelenting, curling deep against your spongy walls, grinning wickedly against your folds as those electric blue eyes flick up.
âShh, yes you can, babyâ he coos, tongue flicking quickly at your clit. âJust be a good girl and stay still, yeah?â He pants, scissoring your sopping pussy with loud squelches. âThought you wanted to be held steady, hm?â
Heâs cruel. Youâre shaking, squirming, clamping your thighs around your head as he dives deep between your legs.
âFuckinâ naughty little thing,â he growls, forcing you still. âDrippinâ all over meâactinâ like a slut all day andâmnhââ
Shutting him up, you roll your hips against him, grasping his hair, chasing it. âFuckfuckfuck, mâgonna cumâ" and when Satoru groans encouragingly, you do.
Trembling, falling apart with cries you can barely swallow, your spasming pussy pulses around his lips, with gooey slick gushing as your climax ripples through you. He moans, lapping it up, tonguing every drop, coaxing every last wave from your sensitive little pussy until youâre twitching, shuddering, reeling.
Itâs too much, too good, too sweet.
When he lifts his head, heâs easing himself up your body slowly, with a wrecked groan, mouthing kisses from your shaking thighs, to your hips, your stomach â leaving wet trails in his wake while his hands clumsily fumble with his own pants.
âFuck,â he pants, shoving them down with force. âBaby, I canâtâI need you. Need you right now.â
His cock springs free, flushed pink and dripping, curved thick toward his stomach. A thick vein tracks along the base, up to his weeping tip, and you hold your breath, taking it just how big it is.
God, he was right. Heâs going to ruin you.
But he doesnât even look at it. Heâs too focused on you â on the way your breath is stuttering, chest heaving; on the way your hips lift instinctively to meet him, while heâs lining that pretty cock against you, allowing the clear, glossy stream of pre-cum to ooze against your wet little hole.
He exhales. âFuck, youâre so prettyâŚâ One hand slides up your side, then the other, worshipful, until they frame your face. Pulling you close, his forehead pressed to yours, noses brushing; his breath shaky and warm against your lips.
âSo fuckinâ prettyâŚâ he murmurs. âGod, I love you so much. You know that, right?â
Pressure swells in your chest, and suddenly, youâre blinking behind a glassy weight, tears building behind your eyes.
Love.
A feeling you can barely describe, something youâve always chased for. And with him? It feels so right. So true.
You nod. âI love you too,â voice trembling, fingers threading through his hair. âI-I⌠I love you so much it scares me. Iââ swallowing, your arms wind around his neck, pulling him closer. âI want to be yours, Satoru,â you whisper. âPlease.â
âY-You are⌠unnghâŚâ he sinks in with a breathless groan, and as the ridge of his cock stretches snugly against your sweet silky walls, his forehead falls to your shoulder, eyes squeezing shut. âMine babyâŚâ he grunts, âAll fucking mine⌠fffuck.â
Holding still, his dick jerks wildly inside your pussy, and you tremble, opening your legs further. You allow your legs to wrap around him, digging your heels into his back.
âYou feel so goodâŚâ he rasps, pulling out slowly, only to push back in with a devastating thrust. âSo warm nâ tight nâ⌠fuckâ"
While his hips build a rhythm, he buries his face into your neck, slamming insistently against your center with more assurance than the last. His breath fans your jaw and his hips slap hard, making wet, filthy slaps echo through the room.
âToru,â you whimper, clawing at his back. âDonât stop. Please donâtâahhââ
âAnything for you,â he growls, frantic now, fucking into you like its instinct. âAnythingâhahâjust keep squeezinâ me like that. Shitâyouâre milkinâ meâmnhâ
His mouth finds yours, messy and hungry, tongue slick with your taste, moaning into you like heâs pussy drunk while he pounds into you like a toy.
âFeels better than I dreamedââ he breaks off, panting, then rolls over, flipping you onto his lap with a grunt, while his cockâs still buried inside. âCâmon. Ride me, baby. Please. Please.â
Sinking down with a shiver, soft little whimpers spill from your lips as you roll your hips sensually. Itâs slow and punishing, making those snowy lashes flutter, and his sweet lips part in a filthy âOâ.
âOh, fuck,â he breathes, hands sliding under your shirt, cupping your tits, thumbs circling your nipples as you arch. âThatâs it⌠such pretty soundsââ he rasps, watching you. âUsed to get off to your voice e-every nightâŚâ he admits, making you choke on a moan, rolling faster. âWhat?â
His head tips back with a groan. âY-Yeah⌠fuckâŚâ he grits, dick jerking at your reaction, while more filthy confessions spill. âI couldnât even make it through your voicemails sometimesây-youâd say my name all sweet and⌠nngh⌠Iâd bust in my hand andââ
âOh fffuckâŚâ gasping, youâre dizzy with it now, dizzy with his crude revelations, hips slapping over and over. âThatâs naughty âtoru⌠youâre the filthy one not me!â
âUnngh⌠I knowââ he growls, gripping your hips, eyes squeezing shut, meeting your hips with thrusts. âGod, I was obsessedâand now youâre bouncinâ on my cock like a little slutâtakinâ me so goodâshitâmânot gonna fuckinâ last I-Iâ"
But you donât slow, heâs gripping your hips, bracing for impact, but youâre also close, so so close. Your thighs burn, your core is on fire, slick drooling down his shaft as your clit catches every delicious drag of his cock, every filthy roll of your hips.
âBabyâbaby waitââ he pants, trying to pull you back just an inch, hands sliding up your ribs, desperate. âFuckâdonâtâif you keep doinâ that Iâm gonnaââ You shake your head, forehead dropping to his, noses brushing. âCanât,â you breathe. âCanât stop.â
âOh my godâokayâfuckâfuckâfuckââ
A filthy moan spills from his lips, and as the first hot wave of creamy cum shoots into you, you gasp, mouth falling open in a silent scream as you shatter on his cock, walls fluttering and clenching around him like youâre trying to milk every drop. He buries his face in your neck as his cock pulses deep inside you, hips stuttering uncontrollably while he spills into you, hot and wrecked and shaking.
You collapse into him, and both of you are trembling, sweaty and breathless, stuck together in a delicious tangle of limbs as his cock twitches weakly, with cum dribbling down your thighs.
Once you feel it oozing out of you, thereâs a second of stunned silence. Blinking up at him, you look guilty. ââŚoh,â you murmur softly. Satoruâs chest rises hard against yours. âYeah⌠oh,â he echoes faintly.
Biting your lip, you shrug. ââŚoops?â And he lets out a breath that sounds halfway between a laugh and a groan, forehead dropping to yours. âYouâre unbelievable,â he mutters, shaking his head with a sigh. âLike⌠actually insane, making me cum inside you.â
Okay, yeah. Maybe not your brightest idea, not using protection butâŚ
You shrug weakly, still wrapped around him. âYou came first.â
He scoffs. âThat is not a defense,â but his lips twitch into a grin, and his thumb brushes over your hip. And finally, clicking his tongue he mutters fondly.Â
âStupid, reckless girlâŚâ
⨠Swipe Right into Hellâ¨
My Final Column: The Secret to Love
(Spoiler: Itâs Not a Three-Text Rule)
â
People chase love like itâs something cosmic.
A planetary alignment. A glitch in the matrix. Like if you say the right things, wear the right clothes, and angle your Hinge profile just so, the algorithm will spit out a soulmate; curating the perfect playlist of personality traits.
All you have to do is be sweet, but not too sugary. Smart, but never a know-it-all. Sexy, but not a slut. Vulnerable, but not weird about it.
But hereâs the real kicker:
The secret to love?
Keep no secrets.
And no, I donât mean pull out your trauma resume at brunch. Iâm not saying you need to confess your childhood abandonment issues over iced coffee or text him your credit score on date three. Okay?
I meanâin the weird way. The loud way. The shy or passionate way. Like how you still rewatch the same comfort show every time youâre sad. Or how you talk to your pets like they understand you. Or how you overthink a text for twenty minutes and then forget to hit send.
Be messy. Be awkward. Be a little cringe. Whatever justâ
Be you.
Because love? The kind that stays? The kind that listens to you ramble about your favorite things, the kind that offers you half their fries and holds your hand when your voice gets quiet â well, it can only grow where thereâs light. Not in the shadows where we hide the parts of ourselves that weâre scared no one will want.
And trust me, someone will.
Someone out there is going to see your quirks as constellations. Theyâll laugh when you snort. Cry when you cry. Look at you on your worst day and still say,
âGod⌠Iâm so fucking lucky.â
So? If thereâs anything Iâve learned after all these disaster dates? Donât shrink. Donât edit. Donât crop out the parts of you that feel too much or not enough.
Because the right person wonât just match with you. Theyâll meet you.
Exactly as you are.
Beat for beat.
â
Swipe Right Into Hell
xoxo, your favorite hopeless romantic, signing out for good.
Your fingers tap the last few words, and with a small sigh, you hit Post.
The laptop screen glows softly in your lap â black text on a white page, one final entry in Meiâs god-awful column. Your resignationâs already been sent. No take-backs. Done. And leaning back in the stiff terminal chair, you stretch your arms overhead while a melodic chime ripples through the speakers.
âNow boarding: Flight 701, Kyoto to Los AngelesâŚâ
People shuffle towards the attendant, and glancing up, you catch sight of Satoru appearing; carrying two bags of snacks and a bottle of water between his fingers, like a proud scavenger returning from war.
âOi, salty queen,â he calls, brandishing a bag of shrimp chips like a trophy. âYouâre officially prepped for the nine-hour gauntlet.â
Your eyes light up. âShrimp chips?â
âDuh,â he deadpans, tossing them into your lap.
Grinning, you close your laptop with a soft click and slide it into your carry-on. âMm⌠my hero.â He grins. âDamn right,â slinging his backpack over one shoulder and grabbing your suitcase without asking as you rise.
As the two of you silently fall into step towards the gate, his shoulder brushes against yours.
âSoooo,â he drawls, bumping you gently. âMiss Tour Guide â what are you gonna show me first? The California waves? All the magical rocks and boulders? Will there be climbing involved orââ
âFuck no.â You snort, shooting him a look. âIâm never climbing a wall ever again in my life.â
He chuckles, delighted. âAww man. I was gonna grow my hair out, embrace nature, maybe start talking about crystals and energyââ
âI will abandon you at TSA.â
âRude.â
âNecessary.â
The both of you step into a line, pulling out your boarding passes, waiting to show the flight attendant your tickets whenâ
âEhhh?! Gojo-sama?!â
A woman walking past gasps like sheâs just seen a ghost â or an idol. She bows quickly, hands clasped, giddy with awe. Satoru blinks, then chuckles softly, dipping his head in greeting.
âAhâkonnichiwa.â
As they begin chatting in Japanese, the woman speaks rapidly, words tumbling over one another in a blur of excitement. She gestures to her phone, and Satoru nods politely, leaning in while raising a playful peace sign. She snaps the photo, squeals like a teenager, and bows three times before disappearing into the crowd.
You watch her go â still clinging to her phone like itâs a priceless artifact. And Satoru, meanwhile, strolls back into line like nothing happened.
ââŚSooo,â you say slowly, stepping forward, âthatâs normal for you?â
âHuh?â He glances over, then waves a hand. âNah, she probably thought I was someone else. Happens all the time.â
ââŚbut she said your name.â
He fumbles. âO-oh⌠well,â clearing his throat. âItâs a common name, sweetheart.â
You squint at him. At the soft curl of his snowy hair, the crooked angle of his glasses. The eyes â that impossible shade of sea-glass blue, luminous and unmistakablyâŚ
Beautiful.
So maybe thatâs it. Maybe heâs just hot. But⌠people donât react like that to hot. They donât smile like they just saw God, for a random nobody at the airportâŚ
Right?
Gears turn.
ââŚhey,â you murmur, suspicion dawning. âAre you, like⌠famous or something?â
Satoru stiffens. His mouth twitches â a smile trying and failing to form. He looks at you with the panicked guilt of a man caught mid-heist.
âW-What? No. Pfft. Thatâs⌠ridiculous.â
But when he scans his ticket, he promptly bolts toward the gate. You follow, eyebrow climbing.
âYouâre not lying to me again, are you?â
ââŚno?â he calls back over his shoulder.
And after all your late-night calls and voice notes and sleepy confessions, you know that sound. You hear that grin.
Because that little lilt at the end?
Yeah. It doesnât help his case.
a/n. hi babies! aly here. thank you all SO much for tuning into this fic. the overwhelming love you guys have given it has genuinely blown me away, i'm in awe from every sweet comment and reblog 𼚠this story was the refreshing pick-me-up that i needed, and it felt sooo good diving into another slow burn couple. i grew so attached to these two đ i really will miss them, whaaaa.
no hate on suguru, but reader wasn't herself around him! and that's the big thing i wanted to focus on. some people just don't mesh, and that's okay. some people drift apart, and that's just life. i know a few of you mentioned me potentially doing a different ending with suguru, but that really kinda defeats the message i wanted to leave with this fic, yk? đ maybe one day in the unforeseeable future i'll finally write something for suguru, bc i'm always making him just a friend or a bad guy đ but i'm a satoru girlie through and through, what can i say? mhmmm đââď¸ it's hard to NOT wanna write for my king.
onto the next project! i have a valentines commission that i'll be posting, and then it'll likely be motherhood and matrimony because it's been SO long. esp with this slow burn makin me crave my sweet daddy ceo!
smooches bb đŤśđť p.s. if you guys wanna know a song that reminds me of this couple, check out Screen by Twenty One Pilots.
-aly
âĄ. đđ˛đ§đ¨đŠđŹđ˛đŹ : Oh Ser Jackson, his Majesty, son and prince of the enemy kingdom, marrying you? This had to be a horrifying nightmare orchestrated by the gods.
âĄ. enemies to lovers, royal AU, percy's pov over letters, arranged marriage, percy is downbad, wedding night, porn w plot, f! oral, spitting, p n clit sIapping, fĂngering, pussiedrunk, virginity loss (both), mating presses, manhandIing, size difference, creampie.
For as long as history could remember, the Kingdom of Solis had never bowed to famine, plague or the old gods when they demanded blood from daughters and called it the supposed duty of women.
And certainly not to the seas.
Your kingdom stood where the sun touched first. At the highest crest of the southern cliffs, where the mountains broke into gold-veined stone and warm rivers ran like melted amber through the valleys below, Solis rose in white marble and sunlight. Its palaceâHelion Keepâsat upon the highest point of the capital, carved into the mountain itself, where your family had decided it belonged accordingly.
From your chambers, the entire kingdom unfolded beneath you.
Terraced gardens spilled down the cliffs in levels of jasmine and ivory roses. Long bridges of pale stone connected towers crowned with the gold of the sun. Markets below shimmered with silks dyed saffron, crimson, and royal blue. Even the guards looked as though they had been painted thereâ with bronze armors polished beneath the afternoon and spears gleaming like second sons of the sun.
Nothing in Solis fitted the word subtle. Your mother used to say that subtlety was for kingdoms with something to hide.
Solis had power and power deserved spectacle.
Which was why your bedroom ceiling had been painted like the heavens themselves.
You stared at it now from your chaise lounge, one silk-slippered foot dangling over the edge, a book forgotten in your lap as your ladies fluttered uselessly around the room.
âMy ladyââ âNo.â
âJust hearââ âNo.â
Lyra, your longest-suffering handmaid, pinched the bridge of her nose.
âYou have not even heard what I was going to say.â
âI know enough from your face to know I dislike it.â
âBut my ladyâ.â
âMaybe I'll ask Father to cut off your head if you keep talking,â was your last reply before opening again the neglected book.
Beyond the open balcony doors, warm wind stirred the gauze curtains, carrying the scent of orange blossom from the lower gardens. Somewhere in the palace courtyard, musicians were rehearsing for the evening banquet.
As soon as your ears heard your mind translated it to nobles and diplomacy matters which = your father was about to ruin your day.
You sat upright. âWho has arrived?â
Lyra hesitated and immediately, your stomach dropped.
âMy ladyââ
In a second you were crawling between the no-longer-so-tidy sheets of your enormous bed, trying to escape any responsibility that might be placed on your shoulders that very night.
âTell Father I have died.â
The door to your chambers opened.
Your father, King Helios III of Solis, entered with those golden robes that didn't help to walk, ceremonial rings and the expression of a ruler carrying the weight of six hundred years of war and at least three immediate headaches. (Mind you, you were one of them.)
âFather.â You said, voice muffled by the sheets.
He sat next to you, uncovering and holding your cheeks. âMy sun flower.â
âBefore we begin, I would like it noted that I may be against this conversation.â
âThat saves us both time.â
Wasn't that wonderful? Your kind father wasn't going to torture you for long, only as long as necessary.
You narrowed your eyes. âWho is here?â
He did not answer, a bad sign already. Instead, he studied you with the same expression he wore over battlefield maps.
âThe delegation from Atlantis arrived this morning.â
Your father continued, because tyranny now extended into parenting. âTheir High Council has requested formal peace negotiations.â
âNo.â
Well, that was your favorite word today, wasn't it?
âAnd proposed a political union between our kingdoms.â
His voice remained maddeningly calm but across the room, even Lyra looked like she wanted to flee.
Marriage to Atlantis.
To the kingdom that had spent centuries raiding your ports, destroying your fleets, and sending awful diplomats.
Your father stood by the open balcony doors, where the last of the evening light poured gold across the marble floor and turned the edges of his robes to fire, and for a long moment he said nothing at all, as though he were deciding which version of the truth a daughter deservedâthe one told to princesses, fit for history books, or the one reserved for kings, heavy with graves and numbers and the kind of silence left behind after battlefields emptied.
You didn't need to hear the histories again.
For as long as memory had been kept in ink, the Kingdom of Solis and the Kingdom of Atlantis had belonged to one another only in violence.
No historian could agree upon where it had begun.
Some claimed it was the prideâthat ancient kings, both too proud to bend and too convinced the gods themselves favored their bloodlines, had turned a bunch of differences into a holy inheritance of hatred. Others insisted it had been love, which was to your eyes eugh; a Solis princess promised to an Atlantean prince centuries ago, drowned before the wedding could take place, her death blamed upon betrayal, her body never returned. There were old songs still sung by servants in the lower kitchens that spoke of storms swallowing ships in mourning and the sea refusing to calm for an entire year.
Your tutors preferred politics.
Trade routes, they said, while pacing before maps stretched across classroom walls, fingers pressing into painted oceans and mountain borders. Salt and grain. Ports and taxes. Control of the eastern coast. Access to the southern straits. Men liked to call war honorable when it was always about ownership.
As a child, you had preferred the pride story. It felt more according to your personality .
Less pathetic than admitting entire kingdoms had slaughtered one another for generations over shipping rights or over the incident of a princess.
Regardless of how it had begun, by the time you were born, hatred was tradition and lived in the palace walls as naturally as sunlight did.
You learned it in stories told by your nursemaid while she brushed your hair before bed, tales of sea-born princes with smiles like sharpened knives and queens who lured sailors into drowning with songs sweet enough to make men forget they had lungs. Or in the way servants spat over their shoulders whenever Atlantean ambassadors were mentioned, as though the very name invited misfortune.
You learned it in your first history lessons, seated far too straight at ten years old while your instructor, old and severe and permanently offended by joy, pointed to battlefields on maps and recited casualty numbers as though they were scripture.
You too knew your great-uncle had died on the western fleet before you really understood what fleets were. You knew your grandmother still refused pearls because they reminded her of Atlantean royal gifts sent during failed negotiations thirty years before. You knew there were entire wings of the palace where portraits had been removed because the people in them had been lost to the war and your mother could not bear to look at the empty spaces their absence left behind.
Even celebration was about that hate.
Victory festivals filled the capital with gold banners and music and dancers in the streets, but always there was the undercurrentâthat joy only existed because somewhere else, someone had been defeated.
Atlantisâalways Atlantisâremained something distant and monstrous, less a kingdom and more a threat given architecture.
You imagined it often as a child.
Not as it truly was, but as children imagine enemies when they have only stories to build from. A place of endless storms and black oceans, where the sky was always bruised and the people had blue blood.
Their cities were rumored to be carved from the ocean floor itself, their palaces built into cliffs black with salt and age, their people born from sea water and tempers to match.
As a child, you had believed every ridiculous whisper.
That they slept in flooded chambers beneath the moon. That their royal family could call hurricanes with prayer alone. Even that if an Atlantean kissed your hand, your lungs would fill with seawater and scales would sprout all over your body!
You were embarrassingly old before you stopped half-believing Atlanteans did all this stuff.
Outside, a thunder rolled softly somewhere beyond the southern mountains.
Your father had been talking and you heard nothing, his hands clasped behind his back.
âThe war has lasted longer than your grandmotherâs reign. Our soldiers are exhausted. Trade routes are broken. We can't rebuild villages faster than they can be burned. Every season costs us more lives.â
You crossed your arms resigning yourself to listening to your father's words.
âAnd who, exactly, is the unfortunate sea creature demanding my hand?â
âPrince Perseus Jackson.â
Prince Perseus Jacksonâthe heir of Atlantis, called the Tide Prince by enemies and far less flattering names by your generals. Commander of fleets. Breaker of the Eastern Siege.
Oh merciful gods, this could still be a bad joke!
You had believed, with certainty at thirteen, that Prince Perseus had the head of a fish, and not in the metaphorical way.
You remembered announcing this with confidence at breakfast, explaining to your mother that it was the only reasonable explanation for why no formal portrait of him had ever reached Solis, and if the Sea Kingdom was so determined to hide their prince, clearly it was because he had scales and unblinking eyes and perhaps gills where a proper neck ought to be.
Your brother laughed so hard he nearly choked on fruit.
Your mother, with the kind of patience only queens and saints possessed, had simply informed you that royal diplomacy would be significantly more difficult if you insisted on addressing the foreign prince as trout.
Finally the King moved toward the door.
âThe formal announcement will not be made until tomorrow evening. You have tonight.â
âFor what?â
âTo decide whether you will make this difficult with dignity,â He opened the door to get going. ââŚor dramatically, which I assume is your preference.â
Lyra approached carefully, like one might approach a wild animal considering arson.
âMy lady?â
You turned slowly. âIf I throw myself from the balcony, do you think they will still make me attend dinner?â
âUnfortunately, yes.â
This was tragic.
You walked to the balcony, gripping the stone rail.
Far beyond the golden city, beyond the cliffs and the rivers and the sunlit valleys of Solis, the sea stretched blue and endless toward a kingdom you had never seen.
Somewhere beyond that horizon was the man who apparently intended to marry you.
That same afternoon you were given a letter with the Jackson house seal. It was a deep blue color with subtle marine details embedded in silver ink.
You opened the seal with a small knife, considering at some point using it to tear the paper and send it back to him like that.
The parchment was expensive, thick and smooth beneath your hands, edged in so much silver ink it felt unnecessarily elegant. Even his stationery was smug.
You unfolded the letter slowly, suspicious already.
You expected some beautifully phrased threat disguised as diplomacy, or even the arrogance a lot of men used.
What you did not expect was this:
Dear future wife,
I was informedârepeatedly, and with great suffering on all sidesâthat it would be politically beneficial for me to write to you before our families force us into the same room. Apparently silence is considered poor courtship over Solis.
I argued that forced marriage should excuse a lack of romance, but your future in-laws are, unfortunately, optimists.
So.
Hello.
By now, I assume your father has explained the arrangement, and I imagine your reaction was somewhere between dignified outrage and the active consideration of murder. If so, I find that deeply reassuring. I would be concerned if you accepted this.
I am told you dislike my kingdom.
In fairness, the feeling is mutual, so at least we begin with honesty.
I know what Solis says of Atlantis. I imagine I have horns by now. Possibly scales. Someone, somewhere, has likely informed you I keep drowned sailors in the palace walls and sharpen swords on their bones.
For the record, only one of those things is true.
I will not insult you by pretending this marriage is romantic.
It is political, inconvenient, and being treated by every advisor around me as though it is the personal triumph of diplomacy itself, which should tell you how unbearable my week has been.
But it may also keep our kingdoms from spending another hundred years trying to bury each other, and I am selfish enough to think that sounds preferable.
You should also know that I did attempt to refuse.
This was received badly.
Mostly because I offered no convincing reason beyond âI would rather not.â
Apparently that is not how treaties work, my future queen princess.
So here we are.
I know enough about you to suspect you are proud, difficult, and entirely too intelligent to tolerate fools for long, which means we may survive this if I am careful and if you are feeling unusually merciful.
I will offer one promise, since everyone else seems determined to offer you expectations.
I do not intend to make a prisoner of you.
If this marriage happensâand it will, because neither of us is being consulted nearly enoughâI will not ask for sweetness where there is none, nor obedience where it is not deserved.
That feels, at the very least, like fairer warfare.
Until we meet,
Prince Perseus Jackson.
P.S.
If anyone has told you I have the head of a fish, I regret to inform you the rumor is false. I am unfortunately very handsome.
â
Well, that last part was reassuring if we ignored how narcissistic those last words were. So your future husband was going to be the enemy army general? This could cause a scandal throughout the kingdom.
The next morning arrived with all the grace of an execution as the formal announcement was to be made by sunset which meant, according to the women of the palace, that your suffering needed to begin at dawn.
You were woken not by sunlight, nor birdsong, nor any peaceful luxury afforded to a princesses in a sentimental poem, but by the violent betrayal of curtains being thrown open and six women entering your chambers.
You opened one eye.
âNoooo, five more hours.â
âIt is too late for no,â Lyra informed you, crossing the room with the merciless efficiency of a woman who had planned your downfall in advance. âThe ambassadors have arrived, your father has requested your presence by evening, the entire court talking about the most scandalous political arrangement of the decade, and Lady Cassandra has already selected your gowns.â
You pulled the pink silk sheets over your head. âTell them I drowned in cushions.â
âGiven the circumstances, that may be interpreted as an insult.â
Fantastic.
You emerged from the blankets with all the dignity of a martyr and stared at the room now transformed into your own personal execution.
Your dressing table had disappeared beneath brushes, combs, perfumes, pins, ribbons, jewels, and enough cosmetics to prepare five royal engagements. Two younger maids were carrying in fresh basins of steaming water scented with lavender and orange blossom. Another stood near the wardrobe, holding garments draped over both arms like ceremonial offerings to an unwilling goddess (you).
At the center of it all stood Lady Cassandra, the royal dressmaker, who regarded human emotion as a minor inconvenience beneath the importance of her tailoring.
An hour later, you were regretting every decision that had led you to birth.
Your hair had been washed in rosewater and combed until your scalp hurt. Your skin had been rubbed with oils that smelled faintly of jasmine. Someone had forced tea into your hands while another woman debated with Lady Cassandra about the dress options.
You sat before the great mirror of the room while half the palace adjusted your existence around you.
âI don't like this,â you muttered as one maid fastened a bracelet around your wrist while another argued over pearls.
You met your own reflection.
Princesses, you had decided long ago, were merely decorations for the palace too.
Everything about the royal presentation was important. From the colors you wore, the stones at your throat, the embroidery at your hemâ they were literally selling you out in the eyes of the enemy kingdom.
Unfortunately, Lady Cassandra agreed on that.
She approached carrying the gown and for one terrible moment, you forgot how to speak.
It was blue.
Not the pale blue of spring skies or harmless ribbons, but the deep, impossible blue of the sea just before a stormâthe kind sailors prayed to and feared in equal measure. Rich silk spilled like water between her hands, layered with silver-thread embroidery that caught the light like moonlight on waves.
At the bodice, delicate patterns of curling foam and cresting tides had been stitched so finely they seemed alive, winding around your waist and ribs. Tiny freshwater pearls had been sewn into the design tooânot enough to seem excessive, but enough that when you moved, they shimmered like drops of sea spray.
The sleeves were long and sheer, trailing at the wrists in translucent silk, while the skirts fell in heavy folds that whispered over the marble floor. At the neckline, subtle silver beading formed the shape of stars and compass points.
The maids moved quickly after that, slipping the gown over your shoulders, fastening hidden closures, smoothing every line until the dress sat against you like a second skin.
It was beautiful and that made you hate it immediately because it suited you.
The blue made your skin glow warm beneath the sunlight and turned the gold in your jewelry brighter and the silver embroidery made you look like a princess being offered to make peace.
Lyra stepped beside you, adjusting the final necklace at your throatâa collar of moonstone and white gold, elegant and cool against your skin.
âWell,â she said softly, studying your reflection with the satisfaction of an artist admiring finished work, âif Prince Percy does not fall in love with you tonight, I shall consider it a insult to the crown.â
You gave her a flat look.
âIf Prince Perseus falls in love with me tonight, I will push him into the nearest fountain.â
âThat's a romantic beginning.â
âA necessary drowning.â
She laughed, and for a moment, so did you until the unmistakable sound of hurried footsteps in the corridor met your doors, by the sort of hushed excitement that only meant one thing.
Someone important had arrived.
You were seated before your mirror while two women debated whether your sleeves required more silver threading when the youngest maid in the room, Elia, abandoned all dignity entirely and rushed toward the balcony windows.
âHeâs here.â
âWho,â you asked dryly, though everyone knew exactly who we were talking about.
Elia turned, eyes wide with scandal and delight.
âThe Atlantean prince. Their carriage just passed the east gates.â
Half the maids abandoned all pretenses of professionalism and hurried toward the balcony like birds fleeing toward gossip, gathering at the stone rail with urgency. Even Lyra, who prided herself on dignity, and Lady Cassandra, who claimed not to care and still somehow arrived there first.
You remained seated for precisely three seconds before your own curiosity betrayed you.
âThis is ridiculous,â you muttered, standing while your hands worked on your hair.
âCompletely,â Lyra agreed, already pulling you with her. âMove.â
The balcony overlooked the eastern approach to Helion Keep, where the long marble road curved upward from the city gates through the royal gardens and into the palace courtyards below. From here, on clearer days, you could see nearly half the capitalâ with gold rooftops, white towers and fountains catching the sunlight.
Now, all you could see was a gathering.
Guards lined the lower courtyard in ceremonial armor; servants moved like frantic ants between columns; even stable hands lingered near the entrance steps, pretending not to stare.
And there, at the center of it all the carriage.
It was impossible to mistake.
Dark as stormwater, polished to a shine that reflected the palace walls around it, the royal carriage of Atlantis stood waiting beneath the archway like a threat wrapped in elegance. Silver detailing curved along its sides in patterns like waves and sea serpents, and the crest upon its door gleamed unmistakably.
Sea-blue banners shifted from its frame in the warm wind with the house mark and the horses were enormous, black and restless, their bridles silver-chained and immaculate.
âI expected something with more fish.â
âPerhaps the fish are inside.â
Elia gasped. âDo you think he really has scales?â
Below, palace officials were gathering near the carriage entrance. Your father stood at the front of them, beside him stood your brother, looking far too entertained by the entire affair.
What a traitor of a brother you had.
One of the younger maids whispered reverently, âDo you think he is handsome?â
Another replied, âI think if he survives meeting her highness, that will be impressive enough.â
One way or another, you didn't get much closer to the balcony like the rest of the maids; only one thought entered your head.
You imagined him inside.
Prince Percy Jackson, heir to Atlantis, commander of fleets, a professional nuisance before even introduction. Perhaps he sat there, enjoying the spectacle, fully aware that half your fatherâs court was holding its breath for the privilege of watching him step onto stone.
It felt like something an arrogant man would do. That decided immediately if true, you disliked him even more.
You got out of the thought when some of the girls screamed as one of the carriage doors unlatched, the silver handle turning.
And at that exact, divinely cursed moment, the wind changed. Strong mountain wind swept suddenly across the upper terraces, rushing through the balcony in a warm gust that sent every curtain in your chambers billowing like sails. The heavy balcony shuttersâusually held open against the stoneâslammed inward with violent force.
One struck the marble wall with a crack like thunder and the other shut directly across your line of sight.
Gasps filled the room.
âBy the godsââ âOpen it!â âI can't see anythingââ
By the time the maids reached it, fumbling with the polished bronze latches and silk sleeves and collective despair, the moment below had already passed.
The royal family of Atlantisâwhoever they were, however they looked, however much of your immediate future stood among themâwere already hidden beneath the palace arches, swallowed whole by marble before your court could properly devour them with its eyes.
The maids stared in open heartbreak, the open doors of the carriage and people below starting to move again. However, you felt strangely calm; you really didn't know if you wanted to see your potential future husband.
The rest of the day went with going from one place to another just to actually prepare you until you were summoned to the Hall of Crowns. The sun had begun its slow descent behind the western cliffs, pouring molten gold through the palace windows and setting the entire world ablaze.
Helion Keep had always been built for this type of spectacle, but nowhere was that more obvious than the great hall.
It stretched the length of the central palaceâvast marble columns veined with gold, ceilings painted with the victories of dead rulers, chandeliers of crystal and sunstone hanging high above like captured stars. The floors reflected everything: candlelight, silk hems, polished armor, ambition.
But today the halls of Helion Keep had been transformed for the evening.
Gold lanterns hung from the archways, casting warm light over the polished floors. Musicians played softly from the upper gallery, low harp notes mixing in the environment, it was elegant enough to soothe any temper and expensive enough to remind everyone who was paying all of it.
The long banquet tables stretched through the center of the hall beneath the banners of Solis and Atlantis hanging side by side in what looked, frankly, like a threat.
The sun crest and the sea crest. Gold and blue. Fire n' tide.
At the highest table, beneath the vaulted ceiling painted with gods, sat your father.
On the other end the Queen of Atlantis was exactly what you expected and somehow worse for itâbeautiful in the cold way winter storms were beautiful, dressed in silver-threaded navy silk with pearls at her throat like captured moonlight. She looked like a woman who had never raised her voice because she had never needed to.
Beside her sat the King, taller than you expected, broad-shouldered and sharp-faced, wearing his own crown.
And then there was him.
At first, you almost missed himânot because he was a forgettable face, but because he was doing everything in his power to appear as though he would rather be anywhere else in the world.
He was not watching the room, the musicians or ladies laughing between them in a corner.
No, he was looking at his plate with total interest. As though the roasted figs before him had insulted his bloodline and he was deciding whether they deserved to survive being eaten.
For one brief moment, standing at the entrance of the Great Hall with the court pretending not to watch your reaction, you simply stared.
He was, annoyingly, very handsome. Well that was unfortunate.
His dark hair fell slightly untidy despite every visible attempt of the palace staff to make it look presentable with the prettiest sea-green eyes you've probably ever seen.
His face was sharp, with a marked jaw and perfect symmetry, the kind sculptors would spend lifetimes trying and failing to reproduce without accidentally starting religions. Maybe he was some sort of godlâ anyways.
There was sun still left on his skin despite the sea kingdomâs colder reputation, bronze against navy silk and silver fastenings.
Beside you, Lyra made a sound suspiciously close to suppressed laughter.
You did not look at her. âSay nothing.â
âI said nothing.â âYou were thinking loudly.â
âI am merely relieved for you, my lady. Marriage to a trout would have been very complicated.â
Suddenly there was no more room for private irritation, because your father had moved from his chair and stepped forward from the throne dais and the performance had begun.
âHer Royal Highness,â the herald announced, his voice carrying through the marble, âPrincess of Solis, heir of the Sun Court.â
Every eye in the room found you as descended the staircase beside the hall entrance with all the serenity of someone not imagining murder.
The blue gown swept behind you like tidewater, the silver embroidery making soft sounds. The moonstone at your throat felt colder now. Every noble in the room watched as though trying to calculate exactly how much peace cost and whether you looked expensive enough to satisfy the other kingdom.
At the end of the hall, your father extended a hand as you took your place beside him.
Across from you stood the royal family of Atlantis and Percy.
Dear Gods up close was worse. Much worse!
Why couldn't you tear your eyes away from that man? Perhaps it was the surprise of not seeing any scales on his neck or hands. You weren't sure if it was 100% real, but hus skin had freckles on cheeks and hands. What you were certain of was that the skin peeking out from his neck showed a single dark freckle.
The banquet endured for what felt like several consecutive lifetimes. You smiled when required, spoke when demanded, and spent the rest of the evening discovering that there were very few things more exhausting than being discussed as though you were both present and decorative.
Every noble in Solis seemed to have developed an urgent and deeply insincere interest in your happiness.
Every lord from Atlantis looked at you with the politeness of men trying to determine whether you would eventually become their future queen or their princeâs most elegant mistake.
Neither possibility appeared to reassure them.
And at some point, beside you, Percy performed no better.
He was civil, which somehow felt more irritating than open hostility as he answered questions with practiced ease, nodded at all the correct moments, and wore the expression of a man enduring a hostage situation with remarkable restraint.
You caught him staring at the doors more than six times.
But you sympathized because the moment dessert arrived, you briefly considered setting something on fire simply to create an exit.
Unfortunately, your mother had raised you better than that. Your father, regrettably, had not.
It happened just after the final toast. The musicians softened into quieter melodies, wine had made several ambassadors far too confident, and the court had settled into that dangerous part of evening where everyone believed themselves subtle.
Your father leaned toward you with the expression parents wore when they were about to ruin their childrenâs lives.
âWalk with the prince.â
You turned slowly. âWhat? No.â
Across the table, Percyâs father was having what appeared to be the exact same conversation.
Percy looked up at you and also said no.
Two kings, separated by kingdoms and centuries of conflict, exchanged the silent understanding of fathers united by mutual disregard for their childrenâs preferences.
Your father smiled. âIt was not a request.â
Naturally.
And so, several minutes later, you found yourself walking with your hand over the arm of Prince Percy Jackson through the western corridors of Helion Keep in a silence so pointed it deserved its own poem.
Two guards followed at a respectful distance, to pretend privacy existed.
Moonlight spilled through tall windows, silver against the marble floors. The evening had cooled; the palace breathed softer at night, its grandeur less performative in the quiet hours.
Your shoes clicked against the stone and his did too.
It felt like an argument waiting to happen.
At last, Percy stopped near one of the smaller receiving rooms overlooking the lower terraces and pushed the door open with the resigned courtesy of a man offering someone the chance to murder him indoors rather than publicly.
You entered first.
The room was bigâ with velvet chairs no one actually sat in, books no one read, a fireplace large enough to roast tension over properly. The balcony doors stood open to the warm night air, white curtains shifting softly in the breeze.
Behind you, the door closed.
And finally you guys were actually alone. There was no court, no musicians and no parents controlling all your interactions.
For a long moment, neither of you spoke until you turned to look at him.
âI am not marrying you.â
The words left your mouth without mincing words, like finally drawing a blade after hours of polite smiles.
Percy, leaning one shoulder against the door as though preparing for impact, nodded once.
âYes,â he said. âI had assumed that might be your opening line.â
He had an annoyingly pleasant voice too.
He crossed the room slowly, stopping near the fireplace, hands folded behind his back like a prince would do.
âFor what itâs worth,â he said, âI am also not particularly eager to marry you.â
âGood.â âExcellent.â
You stared at each other, it was going to be a problem if you two talked at the same time like that.
This, at least, felt honest.
You moved toward the balcony instead, needing distance, air and needing the moon to witness your suffering.
âI refuse to believe,â you said, looking out over the gardens below, âthat two entire kingdoms have looked at centuries of bloodshed and decided the solution was forcing me to attend dinner with you forever.â
Behind you, Percy gave a quiet sound that might have been an agreement.
âI offered several alternatives,â he said. âMost involved gifting a bunch of ships.â
âHow dare yoââ âAnd yet here I am.â
You turned back.
He had removed the formal mask, or perhaps simply grown tired of wearing it. Without the performance of the court, he looked younger and somehow more dangerous for itâless princely in a portrait and more like an actual man.
You folded your arms. âYou wrote a very irritating letter.â
He sighed. âI was forced to write that letter under direct maternal supervision.â
âI could tell.â
âThat should concern you. Imagine what I would have sent unsupervised.â
âI assume a blank page and an apology as PS.â
âYou are optimistic, princess.â
Despite yourself, your mouth moved in a small smile that formed small dimples.
âYou are still arrogant.â
âAnd you,â he said, with maddening calm, âare exactly as difficult as advertised.â
You narrowed your eyes.
There it was againâthat infuriating ease, that careless confidence like he had never once in his life doubted his ability to survive the consequences of his own mouth.
You stepped closer.
âLet us be clear, Prince. I do not care how beloved you are in your charming sea kingdom. I do not care how many poets have embarrassed themselves over your face. I do not care how many battles you have won. I have no intention of becoming another admiring audience member in the Percy Jackson tragedy of excessive self-regard.â
He blinked as you talked and slowly, one corner of his mouth lifted.
âOh,â he said softly, âyou do have a vicious mouth.â
You frowned. âI beg your pardon?â
He stepped closer too, close enough that you could possibly count his freckles and your breaths could mingle if you both exhaled with your mouth.
âFor a princess,â he said, voice low with an unmistakable amusement, âyou are remarkably unladylike. I had expected elegance and grace.. Perhaps even a soft smile and some very refined passive aggression.â
You stared at him. He continued, clearly enjoying his own survival far too much.
âInstead, I find myself alone at night with a woman who looks like she might stab me with decorative cutlery.â
Your expression did not change. âDo you want me to prove it?â
âSee,â he said, almost warmly now, âthat. Exactly that. Very concerning. Not at all lady-like.â
âPercy.â
Your first time calling his name and it sounded like a warning in your mouth!
He seemed to like that far too much because he just leaned into your space. âYes?â
âIf you call me unladylike again, I will throw you from my balcony and tell both our kingdoms diplomacy simply failed.â
Private notes of Prince Percy Jackson.
Not intended for royal archives, review, or my motherâs deeply invasive curiosity.
If found, kindly throw it into the sea.
â
I was told, very firmly and by several people, that keeping a written record of this process might be âgood for perspective.â
My mother said reflection builds character.
Annabeth, who I am increasingly convinced enjoys watching me suffer, said if I was going to be insufferable about this entire arrangement, I should at least be insufferable on paper where historians could mock me properly.
So here we are.
For the record, I hate it. I hate arranged marriages. And I hate political banquets.
And, perhaps most urgently, I hate the Kingdom of Solis.
That last one should probably be written down with some honesty, since this journal is meant to be useful and not simply an expensive place for me to complain.
In Atlantis, children are taught early that the sun burns just as easily as it warms.
I was raised to distrust them long before I was old to understand why and I'm pretty sure her highness the princess learned just the same way as I did.
In any case, I had heard rumors about the nobles who lived in the city where the royal family resided and how they looked non-human.
Dear journal, the truth is that I was expecting my future queen with fiery hair.
I have met her.
Unfortunately after weeks of council meetings, endless negotiations, and being informed by every living adult that marrying the Princess of Solis would be âhistorically significantâ and âa stabilizing force for the future of both kingdoms,â I can now confirm that history is a malicious thing and should not be trusted.
I had, over the years, heard enough stories about the Sun Princess to build at least six entirely different women in my head.
Depending on who was speaking, she was either impossibly beautiful or terrifying enough to be a monster.
As a child, I was told she probably had claws! Which was fair, considering Solis spent most of my adolescence convinced I had the head of a fish.
Do I look like a trout? Do not answer that.
Still, when I looked up tonight and finally saw the woman I am apparently expected to spend the rest of my life married to, my first thought was not diplomatic at all.
It was, very specifically:
Oh, that is deeply unfortunate. She is beautiful.
Which is a disgrace, I would have preferred her hideous.
She looked like Solis itself had decided to become a person purely to be insufferable about itâelegant in that polished, sunlit way their entire kingdom seems to be, like she has been designed with the sole purpose of making the rest of us feel underdressed.
Beauty, in theory, should not matter. Entire kingdoms are not held together by bone structure and eye contact. Political alliances are not to become more complicated because the person across from you happens to look like the kind of mistake poets ruin themselves over.
And yet she walked into that hall wearing blue, looking like the best mistake to commit ever and for one brief moment I forgot what my mother had just asked me to pay attention to.
I suspect I am going to enjoy arguing with her and I also suspect it may eventually kill me.
The worst partâand I resent writing thisâis that I understand why this marriage might work personally.
She would never disappear into someone elseâs court, never let herself become ornamental or let anyone mistake the marriage for surrender of her house.
I would hate a wife I could intimidate.
She, I think, would hate a husband who tried.
So at least there is that.
Still, I remain opposed on principle. She is proud, difficult, and probably dangerous, very likely already planning how to murder me to escape this...
And Iâsadlyâam looking forward to seeing her again.
This is humiliating.
If anyone reads this, I will deny the part where I admitted she was is??? was pretty.
I would rather return to the fish head rumors.
â
The days that followed should, by all political expectation, have been the beginning of something graceful.
The royal betrothals were not promises of love between two peopleâthey were negotiations, alliances and kingdoms trying to teach two unwilling heirs how to stand beside one another without looking as though they planned to commit murder before dessertÂ
And so your parents, in all their wisdom and complete disregard for your peace, would insist upon time spent together.Â
Walks through the palace gardens beneath careful supervision for some bonding time, lessons on courtly customs and each other's culture or meetings with advisors who would explain, with grave importance, how one properly ruled beside someone they had known for six days and considered a trial sent by the gods.
You'd be made to sit beside him during council, to dine with him, smile beside him while old noblewomen whispered about some invented future heirs as though your body had become the public property.
And worst of all, to walk with him.
It would begin in the lower gardens of Helion Keep, where the white roses climbed the marble walls and the fountains had an incredible amount of decoration dedicated to the sun.
The Queen of Atlantis, Sally, suggested it first, with that serene expression she always wore and your father would agree immediately, because fathers were traitors by nature.
And before either you or Percy could invent a convincing plague, you would find yourselves dismissed beneath the late afternoon sun, sent walking together like characters in one of those terrible romantic poems old ladies adored.
He would offer you his arm because etiquette would demand it and you would take it because both your families watched from afar.
And for several long moments, you walked through the gardens of your childhood in a silence so stiff it might have qualified as architecture.
The sun hung low over Helion Keep, warm and golden against the white stone, turning every fountain to liquid fire. Jasmine climbed the walls in pale blooms, and somewhere beyond the terraces musicians practiced for some other noble event that with no doubt eventually will become your problem.
Beside you, Percy would walk like a man and not like a boy that gave you a headache every 30 minutes. His hand, where your fingers rested lightly at his arm, remained warm.
At last, he would speak.
âI have been informed,â he said, his voice carrying that calm, low amusement you were already beginning to distrust, âthat I am expected to learn your favorite flowers.â
âHow thrilling for you.â
âI thought so. Apparently this is considered courtship.â
The gardens opened wider here, into a terrace of columns and trailing vines. Below, the cliffs dropped toward the sea, and the wind carried salt even this high, threading through the warmth.
You slowed, so did he.
Percy stood a little apart from you now, though not by much, for the space between you had the uneasy quality of something negotiated rather than chosen, and even that small distance felt fragile beneath the weight of everything neither of you had yet said aloud.
When he spoke again, it was not with haste or provocation, but with a kind of careful deliberation that made it clear he was choosing each thought as though it might be later examined in a court of law.
âIn Atlantis,â he began, gaze briefly shifting toward the horizon before returning to you as if measuring your reaction more than the view, âcourtship is spoken of in far less poetic terms than I imagine your tutors have taught you here. It is not a matter of flowers, nor music, nor the pleasant illusion that two people might be gently guided toward affection by sufficient candlelight and well-timed conversation. It is instead spoken of as a kind of assessment, wherein one is placed in proximity to another and observed for signs of either compatibility or ruin, and from what I have gathered since arriving in your kingdom, Solis does not seem so different in its practices, only in the way it addresses it.â
You listened without interrupting, though your posture had already begun to harden in response, not because of insult alone, but because there was something irritatingly precise in the way he spokeâas though he had taken the time to learn your world and was now describing it without permission.
He continued, voice conversational in its restraint.
âI was told before arriving that your customs would require me to learn your preferences, and I admit I expected something far simpler, ornamental even, but what I find instead is that nothing here is truly ornamental at all, not your words, not your court, and certainly not you.â
That last part landed differently, though he did not emphasize it, and perhaps that was what made it worse.
You turned slightly toward him, the light catching the embroidery at your sleeve.
âIn Solis,â you replied after a pause, your voice quieter now, though no less firm, âwe are taught that endurance is not a performance, but a form of loyalty. That one does not measure affection by ease, but by whether something remains standing when ease is gone. It is not meant to be comfortable.âÂ
âFor what it is worth,â he said at last, more subdued than before, âI did not expect you to be what you are.â
You glanced at him again, wary now, though not openly so.
âAnd what, precisely, did you expect me to be?â
Percy seemed to consider this with far more seriousness than the question deserved, âAt first,â he said, âI expected red hair.â
You blinked once. âWhat?â
He nodded once, entirely unashamed.
âYes, a hair that looked as though it might set curtains ablaze if left unattended. I was told your temper entered rooms before you did, and I thought it only courteous that your appearance should offer a similar warning.â
You stared at him for a long moment.
The late afternoon sun spilled gold over the terrace stones, warming the marble beneath your slippers, and behind you the palace stood bright and watchful, undoubtedly full of nobles who would have paid obscene amounts of money to witness this exact conversation.
âAnd who,â you asked at last, with dangerous calm, âtold you such stupidity?â
âA diplomat from the western coast. Though in fairness, he also insisted I had gills and slept upright in seawater, so perhaps his judgment was not flawless.â
âThat man was my uncle.â
Percy let out a slow breath.
âThat explains a great deal.â
You should not have found that amusing.
Instead, you folded your arms and resumed walking, forcing him to follow as the path curved past white roses and sun-warmed stone benches built for noblewomen to sit prettily and discuss each otherâs ruin.
âAnd besides the red hair?â you said. âWhat else did your vast intelligence lead you to expect?â
Percy fell easily back into step beside you, hands clasped behind his back with the infuriating ease of a man too comfortable while offending people.
âI expected someone softer, perhaps more inclined toward performance. Instead, I find someone who speaks like a knight denied wine.â
You gave him a look.
âHow devastating for you.â
âProfoundly. I was hoping for an actual bride. Instead I seem to have been promised a very well-dressed goblin.â
You stopped walking again this time so abruptly he nearly took another step before catching himself.
The fountain beside the terrace murmured softly as you turned fully toward him.
âAnd what, precisely, makes you believe I would ever concern myself with being your bride?â
Percy tilted his head slightly.
âYour father. My mother. Approximately six kingdoms and one old priest.â
There it was againâthat calm, infuriating smile, as though he found your temper not alarming but entertaining.
It made you want to commit crimes.
âAnd you,â you said sweetly, which was always a bad sign, âare far too pleased with yourself for a man who arrived in my kingdom looking like a little kid.â
He placed one hand over his heart in mock injury.
âYouâre cruel, my lady.â
âI believe the word is accurate.â
âNo,â he said, stepping closer with that easy confidence that made you want to throw things, âaccurate would be observing that for all your pride, you are still only a very elegant little tyrant with the disposition of a churl.â
Silence fell as the fountain continued its cheerful betrayal.
You blinked once. âA churl... How dare you.â
He seemed, for the first time, to realize perhaps he had wandered too far but it was too late now. He continued anyway, because his self-preservation was not a skill taught.
âYes, certainly, sharp-tongued, suspicious, and trying to look like royalty.â
You stepped forward.
âAnd you,â you said, with a voice low and terribly calm, âare a loggerhead in expensive boots.â
Percy opened his mouth, likely to make it worse, and you did not allow it.
With one sharp movement, both hands planted firmly against his chest, you shoved him backward. There was a brief, glorious second in which surprise overtook princely dignity entirely.
Then Prince Perseus, heir to Atlantis, commander of fleets, terror of the eastern sea fell directly into the fountain.
Water erupted upward in a magnificent, deeply satisfying splash that also dampened a little of your poor clothes.
For one perfect moment, there was only silence.
Then Percy surfaced, soaked, hair falling into his face, staring at you with the expression of a man reconsidering every decision that had led him here.
Water ran from his sleeves, hiis boots and his now wounded pride.
You stood at the edge of the fountain like divine judgment.
âWell,â you said, smoothing your skirts with composure, âat least now you may feel more at home. Do try not to call for dolphins. The palace staff is already overworked.â
For onceâmiraculouslyâhe had nothing to say.
You inclined your head with all the grace expected of a future queen.
âSleep well, Your Highness. Do give my regards to the fish.â
And with that, before he could recover either dignity or a reply, you turned and walked back toward the palace.
Your spine remained perfectly straight but your heart was beating far too fast.
Behind you, somewhere between outrage and shame, Percy shouted your name across the gardens.
Servants moved through the corridors with the discretion of people who absolutely knew everything that happened. Noblewomen spoke in soft voices behind jeweled fans. Somewhere, without question, your aunt had received three separate and wildly inaccurate versions of whatever unfortunate spectacle had occurred in the western gardens.
You had pushed the Prince of Atlantis into a fountain.
In your defense, he had deserved it entirely.
You sat before your mirror while Lyra adjusted the final fastening at the back of your gown, her silence was talking for her.
Finally she said, very carefully, âI hear His Highness required assistance returning from the lower terraces.â
You met her gaze in the mirror. âI am sure the fish were delighted to have him back.â
She pressed her lips together. âMy lady.â
âHe called me a churl.â
Lyra nodded solemnly, as though discussing matters of state. âA grave offense.â
That, apparently, was the end of the sympathy, because moments later she stepped back, satisfied with your appearance, and said with the merciless calm of a woman, âTry not to drown him again before dessert. It would create paperwork.â
âNo promises.â
Tonightâs gown was softer than the first, though no less beautifulâivory silk threaded with pale gold and your hair pinned back with pearl combs, your jewelry lighter.
The problem with dignity, you had discovered, was that it was very difficult to maintain when one was still remembering the exact look on a princeâs face as he disappeared into a fountain.
You should not have been pleased, but you were.
By the time you entered the Great Hall, dinner had already begun.
The chandeliers burned warm above the long tables, scattering gold across polished silver and crystal goblets. Music drifted from the gallery overhead, soft for you to be ignored and the banners of Solis and Atlantis still hung together in stately disapproval, as though even fabric objected to the arrangement.
At the high table, your father was already seated, speaking quietly with the King and Queen of the other kingdom. And Percy was not there.
That was interesting, and a minor annoyance since your site was still next to his, if he wasn't there it would be very noticeable and you would be bombarded with questions.
But lucky you were, Percy entered as you took your seat.
Changed, thankfully, into dry clothes, though whoever had assisted him clearly deserved a raise for attempting to restore dignity to a man recently defeated by the decorative architecture that was the fountain.
His dark hair was still slightly damp, curling at the edges and he wore deep navy tonight, embroidered in silver at the collar and cuffs, the color making the bronze of his skin warm beneath candlelight.
His mother looked up at him once, only once.
Her eyes moved from his still-damp hair to the faint scrape at one cuff, then toward you.
At last she said, in the calmest voice imaginable, âDid you enjoy the gardens?â
You looked very carefully at your plate and your father suddenly found his wine fascinating.
Percy, without breaking, replied, âImmensely.â
That was all, the queen gave a small smile, nothing more.
He sat beside you, the chair making the smallest sound against marble. You did not look at him and he did not look at you.
The dinner resumed for approximately twelve seconds.
Then your auntâ a menace and a professional destroyer of peaceâleaned forward from halfway down the table and said, far too brightly, âIt is so lovely to see young people spending time together before the formal engagement. There is such a difference between duty and genuine affection, is there not?â
You closed your eyes briefly as Percy took a very slow sip of his drink.
Queen Sally, bless her terrifying soul, replied, âIndeed. I find mutual understanding far more reliable than charm.â
Your aunt sighed dreamily. âAnd did the two of you enjoy your walk?â
Percy set down his glass, without turning his head to look at you, he said, âI found it refreshing.â
You kept your own smile perfectly in place.
âHow wonderful. I thought you looked more relaxed afterward.â
âI nearly drowned.â
You ended up talking. âAnd yet, bravely, you survived.âÂ
âYour disappointment wounds me.â
âBe patient. I am sure another opportunity will present itself.â
Across the table, your aunt clasped her hands.
âThey are already teasing one another. How sweet!â
Private Journal of Prince Percy Jackson.
To be kept far from my mother, the royal council, and any servant. Should this be discovered, I will deny its existence, and possibly fake my own death.Â
â
There are many ways in which a prince imagines humiliation may arrive.
One thinks of battles lost, of treaties broken in full view of rival courts, of saying the wrong thing before kings who remember such errors for decades and repeat them at every feast thereafter. One does not, generally, imagine that dignity will be destroyed by being pushed bodily into a decorative fountain by the woman one is expected to marry.
And yet, here we are.
I feel it important to record the event with complete honesty, if only because history has a terrible habit of making fools appear noble, and if I am to suffer, I would prefer future generations understand precisely how undignified the suffering was.
The fountain was cold... Needlessly cold.
It was also shallow and deep, which I suspect was an architectural decision made by someone who hated princes and wished to leave opportunities available for women with good aim.
There were swans nearby.
I do not know why this detail feels important, only that it does. There is something especially offensive about public humiliation occurring beneath the judgment of birds.
I had called her a churl.
In fairness, she had earned it.
In further fairness, I had perhaps underestimated how quickly a Princess of Solis might choose violence when presented with minor provocation. She did not argue nor threaten. She simply looked at me with the expression of someone reaching a deeply personal conclusion and then removed me from dry land.
Well, I was looking into those beautiful eyes and forgot I just insulted her.
There was one brief momentâone single, sacred secondâwhere I understood exactly what was happening and had time only to regret my mouth and the long history of choices that had shaped it.
Then water and her.
She looked magnificent.
This is, perhaps, the root of the problem.
She stood there in all that royal composure, with sunlight on her dress, pearls catching the light, looking less like a princess and more like some old god of vengeance who had grown tired of patience and decided it was my time.
She told me not to call for dolphins.
And the worst partâthe truly humiliating, soul-damaging partâis that I nearly laughed.
Not immediately, of course. At first there was outrage and a wounded pride. There was the cold and dripping indignity of climbing out of a fountain while two palace guards looked at the horizon in an effort to preserve everyoneâs future.
But on the walk back, with my boots ruined and my dignity somewhere beneath a stone, I found myself trying not to smile like a complete idiot.
There is something alarmingly attractive about honesty when it arrives wearing pearls.
I dislike writing that and I dislike thinking about it even more.
The truth is that she is, for my disgrace, a little too much my type, which feels like a betrayal arranged by the gods for their own amusement.
I had hopedâsincerely and desperatelyâthat she would be easier to resent.I wanted that the marriage could become little more than duty and I could respect from a distance and never think about after dinner.
Instead, I have been presented with a woman who looks at me like she is deciding whether I would improve the landscape as a corpse.
And apparently, for reasons I would rather not examine too closely, that is doing something to me.
She is proud and clever. She has pretty eyes, a beautiful smile and a lovely laugh.
This is not ideal in a future wife.
It is, however, very much ideal in the sort of woman one writes terrible poetry about.
I am trying not to be that man but it is not going well.
Every person in this palace speaks of the wedding as though it has already happened.
They discuss fabrics, whoâs coming, the ceremonies, the joining of courts, the endless practical machinery of binding these kingdoms together, and all of it with that tone nobles use when speaking about your future as though you are not sitting directly in front of them holding a knife.
And then comes the matter of having heirs. I wonât enter in detail for my own good tonight.Â
Thanks to my own terrible mind, I cannot hear it without thinking of her and is unacceptable.
I would like to return to simpler concerns, such as war because now I find myself in the middle of council meetings wondering absurd things, like whether she would teach our children to be crazy like her or whether they would simply inherit it naturally. Whether they would have her eyes when she is angry, or my talent for making situations worse.
This is madness.
I have known this woman for what feels like six minutes and one attempted murder.
I need to stop writing now, it's late and im writing strange things.
This journal is becoming evidence.
â
Time, unfortunately, did what time always didâmake things more complicated.
It would have been far easier if Percy Jackson had remained insufferable in simple and obvious ways.
If he had been nothing more than a boy wrapped in expensive silk, with every conversation ended in some sort of offense and every shared glance in the mutual certainty that history had been correct and your kingdoms were better kept apart.
But Percy, infuriatingly, insisted on becoming a person that actually thought of you.
Weeks passed after the fountain incident, and with them came back the machinery of royal expectation. Walks through the gardens became routine rather than punishment, the shared dinners were unavoidable, but got ordinary. You sat beside one another during council meetings where old men argued over the borders as though none of them had created the problem.
You learned of his silence a lot, he grew quieter when he was truly angry.
He also had the infuriating habit of leaning back in his chair during council as though he were bored, only to speak once and somehow say the most sensible thing in the room.
He was kinder to servants than most princes bothered to be and he laughed rarely, but when he did it was sudden and unguarded, you kinda liked hearing it.
And worse was that he listened and not because the courtship required it.
When you spoke of Solis, of the southern provinces,even of the people your fatherâs council liked to reduce to numbers, Percy listened like he was trying to really understand you rather than simply waiting for his turn to be right.
You hated how much that mattered deep inside.
Well, he still annoyed you constantly.
He still smiled at the wrong moments and said things purely to test your patience or walked through your palace one poor decision away from being banned permanently.
The western library was one of the oldest rooms in the palace, built in stone that held the warmth of the day long after sunset. Tall windows opened toward the cliffs, beyond them the sea stretched and it smelled of old paper, candle wax, and the kind of silence only old places knew how to keep.
Percy was standing by one of the long tables near the windows, sleeves rolled to his forearms, reading through one of your fatherâs maritime records with an offended expression because of poor naval strategy.
You sat opposite him, pretending to read when you were actually watching him be irritated by other peopleâs incompetence.
It had become embarrassingly easy.
Weeks ago, you would have called him stupid for correcting your generalsâŚ
Now, you were beginning to suspect he was often right, but it was intolerable.
The room was quiet enough that the turning of a page sounded significant and outside, the sound of the sea seemed to be loud even when it was miles away.
Inside, Percy frowned at a map.
âThis,â he said at last, tapping the parchment with the disapproval of a priest condemning sin, âis either the worst trade route I have ever seen or a very elaborate attempt of suicide.â
You looked up from your book. âIt was designed by Lord Cassian.â
Percy glanced at you. âWow, that explains everything.â
âBe careful,â you said. âIf my father hears you insulting his council again, he may decide peace was a mistake.â
âYour father has watched me survive three formal dinners with your aunt. I believe he considers me battle-tested.â
âThat is fair.â
He smiled then, faintly, and the way your heart jumped unsettled you in ways you were not prepared to name.
When did it become so easy? The arguments are softer and the silences easier in a way.
You had learned how he thought about some cultural things from your land or how when he was truly tired, he rubbed at the scar near his jaw without noticing or how his sarcasm came off when he was uncomfortable.
You had not meant to notice these things, really! You had certainly not meant to care.
And yet you do care and you do notice.
The candles burned lower, the sky outside was darkening as you two relied on the presence of the other.
Then came footstepsâ fast and uneven. They werenât the soft, practiced silent ones from the servants moving through the halls as though they were part of the walls themselves, nor the steady, unhurried tread of guards who carried all that armor. These steps were hurried, careless with panic, striking against the marble with force enough to pull both of you from the fragile stillness of the library.
A messenger appeared in the doorway, breathless and pale, his face drained so completely of color that for a moment you thought he saw a ghost. It was remarkable, the way fear could enter a room before a single word came.
Both of you stood at once.
That was another thing about being raised in courtsâyou learned young that there were expressions more powerful than announcements, that sometimes a single look could deliver catastrophe long before anyone dared say it aloud.
Something had happened and it was bad.
The messenger bowed quickly, the movement clumsy with urgency.
âMy lady⌠Your Highness.â His voice was strained, and already your stomach had begun to turn.
âThere has been word from the eastern coast.â
The silence got worse over the library, heavy and awaiting, even the crackling candles seemed to quiet. Percy straightened beside the table, every trace of ease disappearing from his posture, and you felt your own hands tremble a bit where they rested against the polished wood.
The eastern coast, close to the disputed waters.
The messenger swallowed hard, and in that small movement you could see how much he wished not to be the one delivering this.
âOne of the Solis patrol ships near the border was attacked at dawn. It was intercepted near the reefs beyond Thalor Point.â
Your pulse slowed but not with calm, but with the kind of dread so deep it made everything inside you go frighteningly still.
âBy whom?â you asked, though the answer was already gathering like a storm behind your ribs.
The messenger hesitated.
âSurvivors report Atlantian sails.â
The sentence landed like steel driven through bone.
For a moment, no one moved. The room itself seemed suspended around those four wordsâthe library, the candles flickering low, the endless sea beyond the windows, all of it held in place by that single sentence.
Atlantian sails.
Four words, and suddenly you were not standing in the palace library but sitting as a child in the history rooms, listening to your tutors show wars across faded maps with ink-stained fingers, marking coastlines where your people had drowned, where fathers and brothers and sons had vanished into the sea and never returned.
Atlantian sails.
Stories of burned ships with skeletons on black water and southern tides running red from the blood of your people.
Atlantis.
Beside you, Percy had gone very still.
He was no longer the man with you in the gardens, sunlight in his hair and teasing he pretended not to mean. Now he was simply that prince from Atlantis.
And suddenly, you hated how much that mattered to you.
The messenger continued, his voice low, careful, as though speaking too loudly might shatter what little peace remained.
âThree confirmed dead. Several wounded. The ship barely made it to port. The council has already been summoned.â
Every fragile month of peaceâevery dinner, every forced alliance, every diplomatic smileâis already beginning to splinter beneath the weight of that old suspicion.
You turned to Percy just to look at him.
At the navy silk draped over his shoulders and that impossible green of his eyes and suddenly it felt absurdâhow easily you had let yourself forget what his name meant.
His gaze met yours, and there it was the same terrible understanding.
You still were enemies, maybe with better manners and almost let you forget you were enemies at all.
Your voice was colder than you intended, but perhaps honesty did that to you.
âWere they under your banners?â
Percyâs jaw tightened, and for the first time since you had met him, he looked like someone standing on the edge of a war he could not stop. âI do not know.â
You swallowed against the bitterness rising in your throat. âBut they were yours.â
Something changed in his face thenânot anger but for sure hurt.
You could feel the slow rebuilding of walls you had foolishly believed were coming down, stone by stone.
âThey may have acted without orders,â he said, his voice controlled. âThere are captains in disputed waters who still don't know about the new peace we are trying to create.â
You let out a short, humorless breath. âHow convenient.â
His eyes narrowed. âCareful.â
You stepped forward, your fury demanded movement and standing there with his gaze trying to read you was too much.
âNo,â you said, your voice cutting through the room with more force than you intended. âMy people are dead.â
His answer came low and stripped of every softness you had come to know in him.
âAnd mine have died in those same waters for generations. By the Gods, do not speak to me like I donât know.â
You folded your arms, it was the only way to stop your hands from shaking. You held his gaze and forced the question out.
âThen tell me honestly, Princeâif your council decides this was justified, if Atlantis claims those waters again, if this peace fractures the way everyone always said it would⌠where exactly do you stand?â
He did not answer immediately and to be honest, since you had met him, this was the first time you were afraid of what he would say.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet enough that it felt like a blade pressed carefully between your ribs. âWhere I have always stood. With my people.â
Of course he did. What else had you expected?
All your conversations in the gardens could outweigh centuries of blood? That one prince could become something other than the sea he came from?
You nodded once. âAs do I.â
You turned toward the door, if you looked at him one moment longer, you might say something unforgivable or ,even worse, you would cry.
To say that you walked to your quarters is something, because if anyone was to ask a servant about your wing, they would say that they heard muffled screams.
Your pillow is wonderful for screaming and letting out all your feelings.
The council chamber had been built for war a long, looong time ago so it's normal it sat beneath the oldest wing of the palace, part of the room was carved into the stone of the mountain, the walls were thick to keep secrets and you never saw windows open there, it was probably one of the darkest places in the whole kingdom.Â
By the time you arrived, nearly everyone was already there.
Your father stood at the head of the great oak table, one hand braced against its edge. Beside him, your generals were gathered. Lords from the eastern provinces spoke in low, urgent voices.
Across from them stood the royal family of Atlantis.
King Poseidon looked exactly as powerful men did when forced to defend things they had not broken but would be expected to answer for all the same. The queen sat beside him, composed and still.
And Percy stood near his father, shoulders straight and the expression guarded.
You took your place beside your father.
The captain of the attacked patrol ship stood near the center of the room, arm bound in fresh linen and he looked exhausted.
Your father nodded once. âSpeak.â
The captain swallowed.
âAt dawn we were running patrol near the eastern reefs, close to Thalor Point. Visibility was poor, there was a lot of fog over the water, heavy enough to swallow the distance to the port. We spotted sails before we heard them.â
His voice roughened.
âAtlantian sails, they closed fast and were armed. There wasn't a signal offered bir request for passage.â
Your hands curled against the table.
One of your generals slammed a hand against the wood.
âPirates do not fly royal banners.â
âNo,â another lord said darkly, âbut princes do.â
Across the table, King Poseidonâs expression hardened.
One of the eastern lords stepped forward, the grief making him brave and foolish in equal measure.
âFor generations Atlantis has called those waters disputed only when it wished to steal them. How many treaties must we sign before your captains learn they do not own every place they can reach?â
Poseidonâs reply came like stone.
âAnd how many times must Solis build fortresses along shared waters before you stop calling expansion defense?â
The argument erupted with that, the voices rose, accusations started to fly over your head, some maps were unrolled and the borders stabbed at.
You had grown up watching councils like this from doorways, hidden behind the pillars while adults argued over the shape of your future.
Through all of it, Percy remained silent with his hands clasped behind his back, gaze fixed on the maps and his jaw tight betraying what the rest of him refused to show.
When he finally spoke, it cut cleanly through the noise.
âIf my father had ordered an attack,â he said, voice steady, âyou would not be debating whether it happened.â
Every eye turned to look at the boy as he continued.
âThis was not sanctioned by Atlantis. If we intended war, you would not be receiving apologies. You would be receiving fleets.â
One general sneered. âDon't be conceited, kid.â
âIâm honest,â Percy said. âThatâs something both our kingdoms claim to value when convenient.â
Your father watched him carefully. âAnd what do you propose, Prince?â
Percy stepped toward the table.
âFind the captain responsible before this becomes an excuse for every man in the room to indulge a war already wanted.â
One of your lords laughed sharply. âAnd we are simply to trust Atlantis to investigate itself?â
âNo,â Percy replied. âYou are to trust that I would not stand here defending cowards. If an Atlantian captain attacked under our banners without command, then he has endangered not only your men but my kingdom. I will not protect him.â
Your father studied him for a long moment and then looked at you not as king but as your father.
He wanted your judgment because everyone in this room had seen the walks, the dinners and the fragile attempt at peace between heirs. Your opinion mattered.
You looked at Percy and you realized with sudden, miserable clarity that both things were true.
He was the enemy and he was not.
Your voice, when it came, was measured. âIf this was unsanctioned, then the guilty should answer for it.â
The dark-haired young man gave a small smile while you were speaking.
âIf Solis answers blood with blind blood, then we are not defending peace. We are merely admitting we never wanted it.â
One of the generals muttered, darkly with the suspicion of a man who had buried many friends. âAnd if Atlantis lies?â
Your father said nothing, King Poseidonâs expression didn't give away his thoughts and several lords shifted, preparing for another round of arguments.Â
But to your surprise Percy stepped forward.
The prince of Atlantis stood beneath the torchlight, shoulders straight, gaze steady, looking not at the general asking but at you.
When he spoke, his voice carried cleanly through the chamber. âIf Atlantis lies, then let the blame fall first upon me.â
Percy did not look away.
âI stand with my people,â he said, now it was only the truth stripped bare to hurt. âI always will. I am the son of Atlantis before I am anything else. Its blood is mine, its burdens are mine, and if war comes, I will stand before it, not behind.â
Your breath had been expelled from your lungs, this mattered because that was his answer.
Yet he continued.
âBut do not mistake loyalty for blindness.â
His eyes remained on yours.
âIf one of ours has done thisâif an Atlantian captain sailed beneath our banners and spilled Solis blood for vengeance, or for the comfort of hatredâthen I will not defend him. I will drag his name into the light myself.â
Percyâs voice lowered but no less steady for it. âI did not come here to inherit another century of graves.â
You opened your mouth to give an answer but he didn't let you talk.
âAnd I did not come here to ask for peace only to betray the woman I intend to have beside me.â
The words struck harder than the shouting of men in the room and across the table, your aunt nearly stopped breathing from joy.
Percy, apparently, had chosen violence against your heart.
Indeed your heart was betraying you in ways you intended to punish later.
âWhen I say I stand with my people, Princess, understand that I do not separate you from that future.â
Your throat felt dangerously tight.
âThis marriage was meant to quiet kingdoms. Fine. Let it begin there. Let duty open the door if it must. But I will not stand in this chamber and speak of alliances as though you are merely another clause written into a treaty.âÂ
It's not like the room has disappeared, your father was still there, everyone was still there and somehow at the same time none of it existed.
It was only him and his softening voice.
âIf you become my wife, you will not be an obligation I endure for peace. You will be my queen. Mine to honor before courts and councils, mine to protect when kingdoms are against us, mine to stand besideânot behind, you'll never be behind.â
You felt like you were going to faint when your brain reacted: he was in front of you and, and painfully slowly, knelt on one knee to take your hands, which were trembling like leaves.
âAnd if I must choose between disappointing old men who worship war and disappointing the woman I would ask to rule beside me, then let the gods hear me plainly nowââ
His gaze held yours like a vow was being made.
ââI would sooner let kingdoms burn than fail her.â
Terrible, magnificent silence.
And youâ you stood there with your trembling hands and jumping heart, trying very hard to remember how breathing worked.
Because Percy Jackson, prince of Atlantis, had just declared such love words in the middle of a war council.
Like an idiot! A beautiful, infuriating idiot.
Your father cleared his throat once, but his mouth showed a small smile and King Poseidon looked at the ceiling, perhaps asking the gods for quieter sons.
âYour Highness,â you said, âthat was either the most persuasive political argument I have ever heardâŚor the most elaborate public courtship attempt in history.â
At lastâfinallyâPercy smiled.
âCan it not be both?â
By the time the council chamber had finally emptied, the palace had fallen into a peculiar silence only the deepest hours of night could create, when even the walls seemed exhausted by the weight of the day and every corridor felt longer than it had in daylight.
You were walking quickly to your chambers with your cheeks getting deep in color.
It wasnât like you were fleeing, you refused even in your own mind to call it that!Â
If you slowed and allowed yourself even a single moment of stillnessâyou would have to think, and thinking, after what had happened in that council chamber, would have your head spining.
Your pulse had not yet remembered to behave like normal.
Your father had said nothing as you left, which was infinitely worse than if he had chosen to give you both a talk.
Your aunt, on the other hand, had looked radiant with a kind of joy usually reserved for coronations and public scandals, and you had no doubt whatsoever that by morning she would have transformed Percyâs words into some elaborate thing involving grandchildren.
You intended never to forgive either of them.
Percy had stood in the middle of a war council, before your father and his own, before generals and men and all the hatred your kingdoms had spent centuries perfecting, and had looked at you as though vows were so simple.
As though loving you was not about the war.
You hated him for that but hated yourself more for the terrible, humiliating truth that part of you had wanted him to say it again.
Behind you, footsteps were approaching.
You already knew the sound of his damned boots, the irritating calm of a man who had just dismantled your entire peace of mind and still believed he had the right to continue speaking.
âPrincess.â
You kept walking. âNo.â
There was a brief silence behind you, followed by the unmistakable sound of him quickening his pace, and then his voice again, closer now.
âUnfortunately, that is not specific enough to be useful.â
You reached the turn of the corridor with every intention of continuing, of disappearing into your chambers and locking the door firmly and condemning every poor decision your life had made as suddenly his hand closed around your wrist.
The movement stopped you so abruptly your breath caught and your pulse betraying you in one violent, humiliating motion.
âLet go.â
Percy stood close enough now that the corridor seemed smaller for it and his voice, âNo.â
The sheer audacity of him!
You stared at him with all the fury you could still afford.
âIn case the council chamber was not sufficient humiliation for one evening, have you now decided that physically restraining foreign princesses is the next great strategy in mind?â
âI decided,â he said, âthat if I let you walk away now, you would spend the entire night being furious and I would spend the entire night with no rest, so I find both possibilities intolerable.â
Your fingers curled tightly at your side. âYou should have considered that before declaring yourself like some mad knight in front of everyone.â
âAnd yet,â he said, stepping half a pace closer, âstrangely enough, I do not regret it.â
âThat makes one of us.â
His gaze searched yours, he had the prettiest gems as ocular globes⌠and those puppy eyesâŚ
âNo,â he said softly. âIt doesnât.â
You tried to pull your hand free as he did not tighten his grip, but neither did he release you.
âLook at me.â Â Â âI am looking at you.â
âNo,â he said, âyou are trying very hard not to.â
âHow dare you.â
Percyâs thumb shifted slightly against your wrist, a small movement, barely anything, and somehow it felt more intimate than if he had kissed you then and there. Why did your brain think of kissing him so bad?
âI am beginning to think,â he was giving a small laugh away, âthat is how most of our important conversations begin.â
âIn the council chamber, in front of both our kingdoms, you spoke as thoughââ
His expression changed then, the prince receding and the man remaining.
âAs though what?â
You lifted your chin. âAs though I mattered to you beyond treaties and borders and that noble performance you were attempting to offer your audience.â
For a moment, he just looked at you as he released your wrist.
âDid you truly think I would say those things for politics?â
Your throat felt tight with the answer and your voice lowered despite yourself as if you were scared someone heard.
âDid you mean it?â
Percy held your gaze with no wit left between you to hide behind.
âYes.â
Your heart betrayed you immediately.
You hated it and hated him for making the truth sound reachable.
So like a fool, you made it worse. âWhich part?â
His brow moved faintly.
âThe peace? The alliance? The declaration dramatic enough to shorten my fatherâs life by several years?â
You stepped closer despite yourself, because if you were to be ruined, you would at least be honest in it.
âNo,â you said, quieter now. âNot that. Me⌠Did- Did you mean me?â
âYou are the only part of this Iâm certain about, my lady.â
He lifted his hand again, slower this time, but it didnât go to your hand or wrist, oh no, his fingers touched your jaw.
âI would stand with my people,â he said. âI would fight for them, bleed for them, carry every duty they place upon my name. But none of that changes what I know when I look at you.â
His thumb brushed lightly against your skin, and gods, if you really kissed him would it be so bad?
âI did not expect you and I certainly did not want this. It would have been simpler if I disliked you. Simpler if you were merely beautiful, or merely cruel, or merely someone I could survive beside without ever truly seeing.â
His fingers caressed your cheek. âBut you are none of those things.â
Your voice was barely yours. âAnd what am I, then?â
His gaze dropped to your mouth like he no longer intended to fight.
âYou are the woman I would choose even if peace didnât demand it. You are the person I find myself thinking of when I should be thinking of fleets and the thousand practical things princes are meant to care about.â
Your mouth gave a smile as your hands went to his chest, âYou are insufferable.â
âAnd yet,â he said, his forehead nearly brushing yours now, âyou are still holding.â
That was enough. You kissed him first.
It was a kiss with weeks of restraint collapsing under its own weight, anger and relief and want and the unbearable certainty that somewhere between hating him and understanding him, you had become hopelessly and disastrously attached.
His hand moved to your waist, yours caught at his collar.
Someoneâperhaps both of youâmade several decisions neither kingdom would approve of and history would likely judge harshly.
It was absolutely inappropriate for a palace corridor three floors from your fatherâs chambers but it was perfect.
And when you finally pulled apart, his forehead rested lightly against yours, and for a moment neither of you spoke, because some things, once they happened, made language feel smaller than it had before.
If it weren't for the fact that your entire body and mind were so focused on the prince in front of you, you would have sworn it was a lie when Percy exhaled softly âI love youâ.
Private Journal of Prince Percy Jackson.
To be kept far AWAYYY from my mother, the queen.Â
â
This was meant, when first I began it, to be a record of my path to discipline and thought, of the observations expected of a prince who intends one day to rule without error, and yet tonight I find that it has become something far less dignified, for I am writing not of things involving this nor even of the fragile peace that holds our kingdoms apart, but of her.Â
We kissed.Â
I attempt to write it with composure, to frame it as an event of little consequence, an impulsive misstep best forgotten by morning, but the truth refuses this, and so I am left with the plain, humiliating admission that we kissed in a corridor and now has become a place I will not be able to pass again without remembering it in full.Â
She smiled, and I find that I cannot write that simply and move on, for it was not the smile she offers in court nor the sharper one she uses as a weapon.
It feltâ No, I will not write that.
I told her that I would choose her, that even if peace had not demanded this union, even if our kingdoms had never thought to bind us together in the hope of ending centuries of bloodshed, I would still choose her, and I said it without calculation, without weighing consequence, as though the truth of it required no consideration at all.
This is not how I have been taught to speak and is not how I have been taught to think.
And yet it is how I spoke, and worse, it is how I meant it.
At one point, in what I must classify as a complete collapse of discipline, I found myself writingâ
my wife, my wife, my wife
I find the word returning with an ease that suggests this is not a passing thought but a developing problem.Â
my future wife
No, that is worse, for it implies expectation rather than an actual thing happening, and I refuse to grant my own thoughts that level of confidence.
the woman I am to marry
This is correct but insufficient because sheâs going to be my queen.
I may have developed the need to have her by my side forever.
â
How did you end up in this situation? I mean, yes, it was your wedding night and the marriage was supposed to be consummated, you got prepared for that, but you were hoping to have a few drinks, talk to your dear parents and family, and... Seriously, all because of a tradition?Â
One moment there was the ceremony still clinging to the air like heavy perfumeâ with the oaths spoken and the weight of a thousand watching eyes pressing downâand the next, everything broke into motion, into sound, into laughter and applause.
Men and women of the court, soldiers and even the attendants who only moments before had been standing like statues, now moving with a jubilanty as though this had always been the point of the entire affair.
Someone spoke your name in celebration and suddenly the ground left you.
The sudden loss of ground startled something unguarded in you, your hand instinctively catching at the nearest solid thingâwhich, to your immediate and profound irritation, was Percy.
He, too, had been taken by surprise, though he hid it better, his posture adjusting as several men hoisted him upward with far less ceremony than you had been granted, the contrast not lost on anyone present.
Some women tried to take the various fabrics and pearls you were wearing, but they were only able to take out shoes and accessories in your hair.
A roar of approval rose through the hall.
âComfortable?â he asked, his voice carrying to reach you over the noise.
You held his gaze, refusing to let the situation unbalance you further than it already had.
âIf I fall,â you said, your tone even despite the circumstances, âI shall ensure you are blamed for it.â
There were petals on the wayâscattered, thrown, caught in your hair and on your dress, their scent sweet.
The doors ahead grew fewer, more private.
And then, at last, you reached it; your shared chambers.
The doors were thrown open with force, the room beyond lit in warm gold, prepared in a way that left very little to the imagination of anyone who had arranged it.
You were carried inside first and set down with far more care than you expected, your feet meeting the soft bed.
A moment later, Percy was lowered beside you.
The noise lingered at the threshold as the last of the laughter and well-wishes spilling inward before the doors began to close, as though savoring the final moments of public presence before sealing you both as newly weds.
Your eyes really didn't know if they could meet those of your now husband; the room felt warmer than the fireplace should been able to bring.
Percy pushed himself up, his breaths heavy from the rough handling, and for you saw his body. The suit, a tailored thing of midnight wool with silver accents, had already been loosened during the toasts, all the buttons undone at the chest, exposing the tanned planes of his torso.
He moved first, sliding off the bed to kneel at its edge and moving you with him.
Your now husband caresses the fabrics; the wedding dress is heavy on velvets, rich wools, golden embroidery, and pearls. The truth is, it's not very easy to remove.
The bed was high, so you basically could see him, and damn, why was he on his knees fiddling with your silky clothes?Â
His fingers tugged at the layers of the dress, bunching the velvet skirts up your thighs. The fabric was so pretty on you but he wasn't sad about taking it off if he could connect with your body and you.Â
His fingers, callused from sword hilts and rigging sails, tugged at the laces of your gown, but the thing was a fortress of fabric, heavy with wools and pearls that resisted his impatience.
âFuck this,â he muttered, voice low and rough, like gravel under boots.Â
He wasn't gentle about it, yanking at the bodice until the golden threads strained and exposed the swell of your breasts to the cool air. You gasped, but he didn't stop, his hands roaming lower, bunching the skirts up to your hips.Â
God, he didn't have enough patience right now to take all your clothes off properly so the poor wedding dress stayed half-on.Â
His mouth was on you before you could catch the breath, hot and insistent, trailing kisses along the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. You felt the scrape of his stubble, the warmth of his breath ghosting over your dressed core, making your pussy clench in anticipation.Â
Percy Jackson, the man you hated so much, was now parting your legs with those strong hands, his eyes dark with want.Â
He hooked one arm under your knee, spreading you wider, and then his fingers were thereâthe rough fingerpads brushing against your underwear and finally swollen folds.Â
You were a soppy mess, slick from the tension of the day and the way he'd been staring at you during the vows, like he was undressing you with his gaze alone.Â
âYou're soaked,â he growled, a hint of approval lacing his tone as he slid one finger along your slit, teasing the entrance before pushing in slowly.Â
The stretch was immediate, his touch firm but not rushed, circling your clit with the thumb while that finger curled inside you.Â
Oh gods, his mouth was so close now, lips brushing your thigh as he licked a stripe up the soft skin, tasting the salt of your anticipation. Your hips bucked involuntarily, chasing the heat, and he chuckled against you, the vibration sending sparks up your spine.Â
Then finally, you felt the first lick of his tongueâflat and broad, dragging over your pussy with such slowness. His tastebuds rasped against your sensitive flesh, the slightest inch of his tongue squeezing in alongside his finger, probing deeper.Â
It was messy, the sounds of his breath filling the room as he lapped at you, sucking gently on your clit before delving back down.
To say that you were euphoric at this moment would be an understatement because you had possibly just opened the gates of heaven.
But still⌠still you felt nervous, with a million thoughts going on when his mouth connected your most intimate zone and so the words blurted out theirself.
âWait.. I'm not,â a small moan comes out. âIâve never done this before..â
His mouth, pink and wet with your juices, lets out a small sigh, âIâve never participated in these activities either.â
His cheek rests against your thigh, looking up before muttering against your folds. âI learn as I wend.â
And unfortunately, the only thing you can do in response is with your hips, moving them slightly against him as a new wave of slick follows.
Percy wonât make you wait.
In no time his tongue has lapped all those juices and entered your cunt alongside his finger, trying to get more and more of the sweet flavor you are giving him, maybe heâs just getting addicted.
Again and again, you find yourself dragging out desperate pushes of your hips against his mouthâ riding your sensitive cunt down his straight nose and making it push on the button of your swollen clit.Â
You mewled, the pressure building fast, maybe too fast and he responded with a tiny slap to the cute nub! Even a glob of his spit mixed with your slick, and he rubbed it nice and good with your cunt, fingers circling and thumb pressing sloooow until you feel your walls fluttering around another invading fingerâ stretching you wider, his pads pressing against your squishy g-spot making stars burst behind your eyelids.Â
âBe honest with me,â Percy murmured against your skin, his voice muffled and lips slick with you. âLike your pussy isâŚTell me when you're close.â
Gods, why couldn't you just say it? The words stuck in your throat as he worked you relentlessly, dragging out your orgasm so lengthily, his tongue tickling your constantly throbbing clit while his fingers pumped in a rhythm that had you arching off the bed.Â
âHow are you so good at this?â you gasped finally, voice breaking as the edge rushed up. âIs this your first time? Are you kidding me?â
He pulled back and gave a grin, chin glistening and eyes wicked. âFirst time, princess. But I've dreamed about eating your cunt plenty.â No joke in his tone, just raw truth that made your core tighten.Â
âYou do kiss- ah.. you do kiss your mother with that mouthâŚâ
âAs of now I'm kissing something sweeter.â
He dove back in, sucking harder, and you shattered, waves crashing through you as your pussy clenched around his fingers with slick gushing out. Percy didn't let up, milking every pulse until you were trembling, oversensitive and boneless.
You laughed breathlessly, pulling him up for a kiss that tasted of you.Â
But the heat didn't fade; it built.Â
Percy stood, shedding the rest of his loosened suit with quick, impatient jerks. Finally, you saw itâhis cock pulsing, fat with red veins snaking along the length. A sensitive slit at the tip, already beading, and heavy balls hanging low.Â
He wasnât just needy, he was ravenous, the angriest reddened tip flushed like it had a grudge.
He manhandled you onto the bed properly, moving you onto your back with hands that gripped your hips hard.Â
It was both of your first times, and lord, he was just using his tip to fuck youârubbing the head along your slit, teasing the entrance without pushing in.Â
He was big, there was no way that would enter your poor pussy.
The stretch was immediate when he tried to push into your orifice, a burn that made you whine, but it mixed with the ache he'd already stirred.
You didn't know who was more pussy-drunk or cock-drunkâyou, with the way your walls fluttered greedily, or him, groaning like a man possessed as he nudged in. Just a few more inches out of the numerous ones eased inside your cunt with the most lecherous sounds as if your clingy walls were trying to suck him up and weren't able.Â
You were addicted to the way his girth was molding your channel to him, stretching wide, the burn blending into pleasure that had you clawing at his shoulders.
You guys started fighting a bit thenâplayful, your hands pushing at his chest as he tried to sink deeper, him pinning your wrists with one hand while the other guided his cock.Â
âStop squirming,â he laughed breathlessly, but you twisted, half-protesting the overwhelming fullness, half-pulling him closer.Â
âIt's not- Oh fuckkk- It's not going to fit-!â
Percy looked down, seeing that there was still some way to go, his cock was screaming in agony, needing to feel you squeeze him to oblivion, and that's how his hands released your wrists.
But it wasn't until you felt his hands on your legs that you understood what he was doing, lifting them up to his shoulders and beeeending you until your legs were giving him the perfect space.
âIt has to fit, fit, fit, fit...â His hips moved like a piston, trying to fill you up until the sound of a resounding wap! echoed.
He finally made it fit, bottoming out with a shared groan that left you both dumb at the feeling, brains short-circuiting from the tight, hot clasp and his balls slapping your skin.
Percy started pumping then with no intention of giving a small break, the thick, vein-puffed length of his cock from tip to base to thwack! and plap! your cervix wetly.Â
The man was breathing heavily as his hips continued to make the luxurious bed creak over and over again, letting out small grunts that matched your joyful moans.
Your vision blurred when a hand wandered down to give tiny slap slap slaps to your reddened clit, body arching as pleasure bordered on too much, slick coating his shaft and dripping down your thighs.
Percy watched you, transfixed, his own control fraying in a matter of secondsâwhen he saw the tears streak your cheeks, the way your mouth fell open in silent pleasured cries, he couldn't hold it.Â
âShitâyou'reââ He really couldn't hold it, hips stuttering as he filled you, hot spurts of cum flooding deep. Your cunt leaked out in both slick nâ his seed, the mess dripping onto the sheets.
The poor guy was trying to pull that high out of you, trying to wrench it as he gave you a puppy look, he just needed you to cum again. And you did, crashing over the edge with a big cry you muffled by biting his shoulder, teeth sinking into the muscle as your walls spasmed around him, milking him dry.Â
Percy was fucking you sloppily, the rhythm erratic as his cock dragged through the mess he'd made. His fingers reached down, joining to plug you up.Â
Aah, lucky you both were married because for sure he bred you, and in this moment, you were drooling into the cushions, dumb on it, your body limp and buzzing.Â
He laughed, dizzy and breathless over your look, collapsing half on top of you, his weight a grounding heat.Â
âLook at you,â he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple, affectionate even in the haze as you rolled onto your stomach, expecting him to rest next to you, catch his breath but oh no no noâhe was playing with his cum between your legs, fingers scooping the leaking seed and rubbing it back in, making you whimper.Â
Your man pushed up your hips, ass in the air, and you felt the blunt press of his cock against your stuffed cunt again. âCan't just stop at one,â he said, voice teasing as he eased in, the stretch easier now with the slick mess.Â
You moaned into the cushions, face buried, as he started thrusting shallowly.Â
He even joked, breathing hot against your ear, âShip's arriving at the portâhope it's ready for round two.â
You managed a weak âDon't mess around,â but it dissolved into a gasp as he fucked deeper, his cock pushing out globs of his own cum, mixing it with your fresh slick.Â
Your pussy was red from the smack of his hips against your ass, swollen and tender, and his pubic zone was also messy with your fluids, dark curls matted, and you heard the wap! plap! plap! sounds echoingâwet, obscene, driving you both wild.
Percy was so loving even when teasing you, one hand stroking your back while the other gripped your hip, pulling you back onto him.Â
âYou feel incredible,â he groaned, pace quickening, the lewd squelches growing louder as he chased his release. Your body responded despite the ache, walls clenching around him, drawing him in deeper as he came inside once more, hard and sudden, flooding you until it was just an overspilling mess, thick ropes leaking down your thighs in rivulets.
The citadel's bells tolled midnight outside, but in the chambers, the real merging had just begun. Percy pulled out slowly and you both collapsed in a tangle of limbs and rumpled sheets.Â
His arm draped over you, fingers tracing lazy patterns on your skin. âThink we can skip the morning feast?â he asked, voice muffled against your shoulder.
You chuckled, turning to face him and a hand coming up without thinking, brushing a loose strand of his hair back from his forehead.
âThe court would consider that a declaration of war.â
Percy shifted slightly closer, as though the space between you had become completely unnecessary. There was none of the earlier tension left in him now, none of the heat or provocationâjust a look of love in his eyes.
âThen we are already off to an excellent start as a married couple,â he said.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
The bells outside faded into silence, the palace beyond your chambers distant and irrelevant, as though the world had politely stepped away to allow this peace to exist without interruption.
You studied him in that quietâthe way the torchlight softened the features of him, the way he looked at you now without challenge or the distance between kingdoms that had defined everything between you.
Your fingers drifted from his hair to his cheek, resting there lightly.
âThey will expect us,â you said after a moment.
âThey can expect whatever they like,â Percy replied, his gaze soft on yours. âWeâve already done everything they required of us.â
Your hand slipped from his face, but he caught it before it could fall away entirely, threading his fingers through yours.Â
You exhaled softly, letting your forehead rest briefly against his.
âJust this once,â you said quietly, âwe stay.â
âA generous decree,â Percy murmured, his voice low with sleep and softer, it did not sound like the prince who argued in the council chambers or provoked you in gardens. âI should thank my wife for such mercy.âÂ
âDo not grow accustomed to it,â you replied with a small laugh. âI grant it only because you have ensured that walking tomorrow would be⌠unnecessarily difficult.âÂ
âI see,â he said slowly, as though considering this with more seriousness than it deserved, though the corner of his mouth betrayed him. âThen I must accept this kindness with proper gratitude, my queen.â
You narrowed your eyes at him.
âCareful,â you warned, though it lacked the bite it once would have carried. âYou will make a habit of saying things you cannot take back.â
âI do not intend to take them back.â His thumb moved faintly against your hand, absent and thoughtful. âWe could go for a walk in the morning to see your favorite flowers.â
âSleep,â you said. âIf you insist on embarrassing us both in the morning, you will at least require the rest.â
A faint breath of laughter escaped him at that as his arm tightened around you.
đ: Guys this is not proofreaded LIKE 70% sooo hopefully you won't find many weird typos or stuff TT Still I'm reallly happy because I don't tend to write such long oneshots, yippieeee!!
youâve been in love with your best friend gojo satoru ever since you were eighteen. spending your years watching him bloom in various relationships was not the way you imagined your life would go.
one day, you meet geto suguru, who makes you want to forget about your feelings for satoru. will you be able to do that? let go of your feelings and live your life?
contents. gojo x fem reader x geto! ⢠my favourite trope â unrequited requited love ⢠friends to lovers ⢠gojo dating other people like a girl named yuki who is not canon yuki ⢠a lot of angst and feelings like A LOT ⢠eventual smut ⢠change of povs ⢠gojo and geto being down bad for reader ⢠BUT GOJO IS ENDGAME ⢠so more angst ⢠hurt/comfort ⢠fluff ⢠~20k words um yeah
YOU met satoru gojo at the university entrance exams, which feels, in retrospect, like the kind of meet-cute youâd roll your eyes at if it happened to anyone else. but it happened to you, so instead of rolling your eyes, youâve spent the last four years cataloguing it like a sacred text.
you were both seventeen, freshly out of high school, standing in a crowded hallway that smelled of anxiety and floor wax. youâd found a spot against the wall, trying to make yourself small, because that was your strategy for most things back thenâ take up less space, donât draw attention, survive. you were not a social butterfly. you were the opposite of that! you were, if anything, a socially anxious caterpillar who had resigned itself to a lifetime of hiding in the metaphorical dirt.
and then there was satoru.
you noticed him before he noticed you, because everyone noticed him. he was tall even then, all limbs and restless energy, with white hair that caught the fluorescent light. he was laughing at something a friend had said, head thrown back, sunglasses pushed up into his hair, and he looked so utterly at ease that you felt a small, familiar pang of something that might have been envy or might have been longing or might have just been the general ache of being a person who had never once felt that comfortable in their own skin.
you looked away since staring was rude, and also because looking at him felt a bit like looking at the sun.
you didnât expect him to talk to you! you certainly didnât expect him to weave through the crowd and come to a stop directly in front of you, tilting his head like you were a puzzle he was trying to solve.
âhey,â he said. âyou look like youâre about to bolt.â
you blinked at him. âiâm not going to bolt.â
âgood,â he said, and then he grinned, and it was the kind of grin that made you understand, instantly and completely, why people in myths were always getting into trouble because some beautiful god smiled at them. âbecause i donât know anyone here and you look like you donât either, so iâve decided weâre friends now.â
you opened your mouth to say somethingâ probably something articulate and witty, something that would prove you were worth befriendingâ but what came out was, âthatâs not really how friendships work.â
âsure it is,â he said, and then he leaned against the wall next to you like heâd always been there, like youâd saved him a spot. âiâm satoru. tell me something interesting about yourself.â
âiâm not interesting,â you said, because you believed it.
he looked at you for a long moment, those ridiculous blue eyesâ youâd seen them properly when heâd pushed his sunglasses up, and they were the kind of blue that made you think of shallow tropical water, bright and startling and almost too muchâ and then he said, very seriously, âthatâs the most interesting thing anyoneâs said to me all day.â
you didnât know what to do with that. you still donât, honestly.
but you told him your name, and he repeated it back like he was testing the weight of it on his tongue, and he nodded once, decisively, and said, âsee? weâre friends.â
and that was it. that was the beginning.
the exams themselves were a blur of anxiety and cramped hands and the quiet terror of your entire future hinging on a few hours of multiple-choice questions. but between sections, satoru found you. every time. youâd emerge from the exam hall, dazed and already convinced youâd failed, and there heâd be, leaning against a railing or sitting on a bench, long legs stretched out, waving like you were old friends reuniting after years apart instead of two people whoâd met that morning.
âhowâd it go?â heâd ask, and when youâd mumble something noncommittal, heâd launch into a dramatic retelling of his own experience, complete with exaggerated hand gestures and sound effects, and by the end of it youâd be laughing so hard youâd forget, for a moment, that you were supposed to be terrified.
you both got in, of course you both got in. youâd worked yourself to the bone for it, spent countless nights hunched over textbooks with cold coffee growing stale at your elbow. satoru, you later learned, had barely studied. he was just like that. things came easy to himâ the exam, the university, the effortless way he moved through the world like it had been designed with him in mind.
you should have resented him for it. sometimes you did, a little, in the quiet moments when you were up late finishing an assignment and you knew heâd finished his in half the time and was probably out with friends, laughing at something, existing in that bright, uncomplicated way of his.
but the resentment never lasted, because the thing about satoru was that he never made you feel lesser. he never acted like his ease was a mark of superiority. if anything, he seemed genuinely baffled when you struggled with things that came naturally to him, like it had never occurred to him that the world might be harder for other people.
and when you did struggleâ when you stayed up too late and drank too much coffee and ended up crying in the library bathroom at 2 a.m. because you couldnât make the words on the page make senseâ he always showed up. you never had to ask. heâd text you at midnight with a picture of some ridiculous snack from the convenience store and a message that said âstudy break, meet me outside, donât argue,â and youâd go, and youâd sit on the steps of the library eating stale onigiri while he talked about nothing and everything, and by the time you went back inside, the words would still be hard but the weight of them would feel lighter.
that was satoru. he made things lighter. that was his gift, the one he gave freely to everyone around him, and you were just lucky enough to be the one he gave it to most often.
the friendship solidified in those first few months, fast and fierce and seemingly unshakable. you shared a dorm building your first year, then an apartment your second, because it just made senseâ you were already together all the time anyway, and satoru had looked at you with those too-blue eyes and said âwe should live togetherâ like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and youâd said yes before you could talk yourself out of it.
and living with satoru was⌠an education.
you learned that he was messy in a chaotic, endearing wayâ clothes draped over chairs, empty snack wrappers that he swore heâd throw away âin a minute,â a general refusal to do dishes until the pile in the sink reached a height that could reasonably be called architectural. you learned that he sang in the shower, intentionally badly and loudly, usually whatever pop song was currently stuck in his head, and that he would inevitably emerge with his hair dripping water everywhere and demand that you tell him if he sounded good (he didnât, but you always said he did).
you learned that he had nightmares sometimes, that he would wake up in the dark and knock on your door with a sheepish expression, and youâd let him in without a word and heâd curl up on the end of your bed like an overgrown cat and fall back asleep to the sound of your breathing.
you learned that he was softer than he let on. that the arrogance, the brash confidence, the way he flirted with everyone and everythingâ it was all a layer, a performance, a suit of armor heâd put on so long ago heâd forgotten how to take it off. but with you, sometimes, the armor slipped. with you, he was just satoru, the boy who couldnât cook to save his life and cried at sad movies and had a laugh that made your chest ache in a way you refused to examine too closely.
and you learned, too, that you were falling in love with him.
there was no lightning strike, no moment of cinematic clarity. it was slow, insidious, the way water wears down stone. it was the way heâd throw an arm around your shoulders when you walked to class, his hand warm and heavy and casual. it was the way heâd save you the last piece of whatever he was eating, even when youâd said you didnât want any. it was the way he said your name, the way he looked at you when he thought you werenât paying attention and youâd catch him and heâd call you a dumbass.
it was the night you turned eighteen, two months into your first semester, when heâd bought a cheap cake from the grocery store and youâd eaten it on the roof of your dorm building, and heâd looked at you with frosting on his lip and said âiâm glad itâs youâ like it was the simplest truth in the world, and your heart had made a decision without consulting you.
oh, you thought. oh, no.
and then youâd laughed and shoved him and said âglad itâs me what?â and heâd grinned and said âglad itâs you iâm eating cake with on a roof, obviously, what else would i mean,â and the moment passed, and you let it pass, because what else were you supposed to do?
however, another the thing about falling in love with satoru gojo was that it was also, inevitably, watching him fall in and out of love with other people.
he bloomed in relationships the way he bloomed in everythingâ effortlessly, brilliantly, with a kind of careless abundance that made you wonder if he even realized how much light he was giving off.
his first serious girlfriend came at the end of freshman year, a girl from the art department with dark hair and a laugh like wind chimes, and you watched him transform from your chaotic, messy best friend into someone who remembered to do the dishes and set alarms and text back within a reasonable timeframe.
you watched him hold her hand in the quad, watched him buy her coffee and carry her books and look at her like sheâd hung the moon, and you told yourself that the ache in your chest was just jealousy of the relationship itself, not of her specifically. you told yourself that anyone would be jealous, watching someone they cared about pour all their attention into someone else. you told yourself it was normal to feel this way.
you believed it, mostly.
the breakup came three months later, sudden and inexplicable, at least from the outside. satoru showed up at your apartment at midnight with red-rimmed eyes and a bottle of something cheap and strong, and you let him in and sat on the bathroom floor with him while he cried and you held his hand and didnât ask what happened.
âi donât know why i do it,â he said, eventually, voice hoarse. âi donât know why i canât justâ stay.â
you didnât have an answer for him. you werenât sure he wanted one. so you just sat there, the cold tile seeping through your jeans, and let him lean his weight against your shoulder, and thought about how unfair it was that he could break someoneâs heart and still be the one you wanted to hold.
the pattern repeated. sophomore year, there was a boy from the literature department, sharp-witted and sarcastic, who made satoru laugh in a way youâd never heard before. junior year, a girl from the business school, ambitious and polished, who matched him stride for stride. there were others, shorter ones, ones that barely lasted a month before satoru got restless, got distracted, got that faraway look in his eyes that youâd learned to recognize as the beginning of the end.
through all of it, you were there, you were always there. you were the constant, the steady ground beneath the pendulum of his affections, and youâd trained yourself to be grateful for that. you were his best friend. you were the one he came home to, the one he called at 2 a.m., the one who knew about the nightmares and the bad days and the moments when the armor felt too heavy to wear. it was enough. you made it enough.
by the time senior year rolled around, youâd gotten very good at being enough. youâd gotten very good at swallowing down the parts of yourself that wanted more, at folding your feelings into neat, manageable shapes and tucking them away where they couldnât cause trouble. youâd gotten very good at watching satoru fall into something that looked like love and climb back out of it, dusting himself off, leaving behind a trail of bewildered, heartbroken people who had all made the same mistake: thinking they could be the one who finally made him stay.
you envied them as much as you pitied them. you envied them because theyâd had something you couldnât even let yourself want, something real and tangible and reciprocated, even if only for a little while. you pitied them because you knew what it felt like to love satoru and not be loved back in the way you needed, and you wouldnât wish that on anyone.
you were twenty-one now, in the last year of university, and youâd been in love with your best friend for three years, two months, and fourteen days. you knew the exact number because youâd stopped counting somewhere around the two-year mark and then, in a moment of weakness, counted backwards from there. you were a little pathetic about it. youâd made peace with that.
so when you walked into your advanced sociology seminar on a gray tuesday afternoon and saw a boy youâd never seen before sitting in the seat you usually took, you didnât think much of it. you just said âoh, sorry, thatâs my usual spot,â and he looked up, and you stopped.
he was pretty. that was your first thought, immediate and involuntary. not pretty in the way satoru was prettyâ all sharp angles and blinding light and the kind of beauty that demanded attention. this was a different kind of pretty, more gentle. dark hair pulled back from his face, dark eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled, a calm, steady presence that felt, somehow, like being in the shade after a long time in the sun.
âmy apologies,â he said. his voice was low and warm. âi didnât realize the seats were claimed.â
âyouâre not in trouble,â you said, because you realized youâd been staring and that was probably weird. âi can sit somewhere else.â
âdonât,â he said, and then he moved, sliding his bag off the chair next to him. âsit here. keep me company. i donât know anyone in this class.â
you hesitated for half a secondâ just long enough for the memory of another boy in another hallway to flicker through your mindâ and then you sat.
âiâm suguru,â he said, extending a hand. âgeto suguru.â
you gave him your name, and his smile widened just slightly, like he was pleased with it. ânice to meet you,â he said. âtell me something interesting about yourself.â
you laughed, because it was almost word-for-word what satoru had said to you four years ago, and because it was such a ridiculous coincidence that it felt like the universe was playing a joke on you.
âwhatâs funny?â suguru asked, and there was no offense in his voice, just curiosity.
ânothing,â you said. âjustâ someone else asked me that once. the first time we met.â
âah,â he said, with something in his expression that you couldnât quite read. âand what did you tell them?â
âthat i wasnât interesting,â you said, and then, because youâd been doing a lot of work on being less self-deprecating in your final year, you added, âwhich isnât true. i just didnât know it yet.â
suguru looked at you for a moment, those dark eyes steady and thoughtful, and said, âi suspect youâre more interesting than you give yourself credit for.â
you didnât know what to do with that. it was such a simple thing to say, such a small kindness, but it landed somewhere soft and unprotected in your chest, and you felt something shift.
you werenât sure what it was, you werenât sure you wanted to know, so you just smiled, and pulled out your notebook, and tried very hard to ignore the glances he kept throwing you, thinking he was discreet.
that night, you came home to find satoru sprawled across the couch, scrolling through his phone, one foot hanging off the edge. he looked up when you walked in, and his face did that thing it always did when he saw youâ brightened, softened.
âyouâre late,â he said. âi was getting lonely. i almost had to entertain myself.â
âthe horror,â you said, dropping your bag by the door. âhow did you survive?â
he grinned that easy grin of his, and sat up to make room for you. âbarely. tell me about your day. anything interesting happen?â
you thought about suguru. the warmth of his voice, the way heâd said your name, the small, unexpected sweetness of him telling you that you were interesting. about his gorgeous hair and his gorgeous eyes and his open smile. about whispered answers to his curious questions about the class ans quiet snickers.
âno,â you said, because it was easier than explaining something you didnât fully understand yourself. âsame old.â
satoru hummed, accepting this without question, and you sat down next to him and let him pull you into his side like it was the most natural thing in the world, and you tried to ignore the way your heart was beating against your ribs, the way it always did when he was this close.
you were his best friend. you were the one he came home to.
it was enough. it had to be enough.
but something had shifted today, something small and maybe insignificant, and you couldnât quite shake the feeling that you were standing at the edge of something. something that might change everything.
you didnât know it yet, but satoru was about to feel the shift too. he just didnât know it yet, either.
.
.
.
the thing about advanced sociology was that youâd signed up for it because you needed the credit, not because you had any particular passion for sociological theory. youâd expected to spend your tuesdays and thursdays sitting in the back of the lecture hall, taking notes youâd never look at again, counting down the minutes until you could leave. just like always. that was the plan.
and then suguru sat down next to you, and the plan went quietly out the window.
a murmured observation about the professorâs lecture style, a shared eyeroll when someone in the front row asked a question that had already been answered twice. little things, the kind of things youâd do with any classmate you happened to sit next to. but then he started saving you a seat, and you started arriving a few minutes early so you could talk before the lecture started, and somewhere along the way, without you quite noticing it, advanced sociology became the class you looked forward to all week.
suguru was easy to talk to. that was the first thing you noticed, the thing that kept surprising you every time it happened. conversation with him wasnât work. you didnât have to perform, didnât have to be clever or super interesting or anything other than yourself. he asked questions and actually listened to the answers. he remembered things youâd told himâ small things, things youâd even forgotten youâd saidâ and brought them up later, casually, like it was normal to pay that much attention to another person.
âhow did your presentation go?â he asked one thursday, sliding into the seat next to you. âthe one you were stressed about.â
you blinked at him. youâd mentioned that presentation exactly once, in passing, a week and a half ago. âit went fine. how did you remember that?â
he shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. âyou seemed nervous about it. i was curious.â and that was it, just a quiet, consistent attention that made you feel, for the first time in a long time, like someone was actually seeing you.
you found yourself telling him things; not the things youâd tucked away in the deepest parts of yourself, but the small, everyday things that made up the shape of your life. your favorite coffee order. the way you organized your notes by color. the fact that youâd once cried over a commercial about a dog and hadnât lived it down since. he listened to all of it with the same patient, attentive expression, like each detail was something precious youâd chosen to share with him.
âyouâre very easy to talk to,â you told him one afternoon, the words slipping out before you could stop them. youâd been walking out of class together, the late autumn sunlight slanting through the windows, and something about the way it caught in his hair had made you lose your filter.
he looked at you, and his expression did something soft and complicated. âso are you,â he said. âeasier than most people.â
you were not, historically, easy to talk to. you were the person who stood at the edge of parties, who let satoru do all the social heavy lifting, who had spent most of her teenage years convinced that conversation was a skill sheâd simply never been taught. but with suguru, it was different. with suguru, the words came easily, naturally, like theyâd been there all along, waiting for someone to draw them out.
he was a mystery to you, that was the other thing. for all his openness, for all the way he seemed to lay himself bare in conversation, there was something about suguru that you couldnât quite pin down. he talked about his childhood in vague terms, his family a blur of affectionate distance. he mentioned friends from high school but never named them. he was present, fully and completely, in every conversation you had, but there was a stillness to him, a sense that there were depths you hadnât yet touched.
you wanted to touch them. that was the realization that crept up on you slowly, over weeks of shared lectures and coffee afterwards and once, memorably, a two-hour conversation in the library that had started with a question about marxist theory and somehow ended with both of you laughing so hard a librarian had shushed you.
you wanted to know him, all of him. the parts he kept tucked away, the parts he didnât show to people heâd only known for a few weeks. you wanted to be someone he showed those parts to.
and the way he looked at youâ god, the way he looked at you, like you were something fascinating and like he was cataloguing you, memorizing you, storing away every detail for later. it was the kind of attention that should have been overwhelming, that would have been overwhelming from anyone else, but from suguru it just felt⌠warm and steady, like being wrapped in a blanket on a cold day.
you found yourself preening under it. you couldnât help it; youâd catch yourself sitting up a little straighter when he walked into the room, speaking a little more carefully, trying to be the version of yourself that seemed to make him smile. and then youâd notice what you were doing and feel a flush of embarrassment, because you were not the kind of person who needed validation, who bloomed under attention, whoâ
who was currently trying very hard not to admit that she was developing a crush on a boy sheâd known for less than a month.
it felt pathetic, honestly. you were twenty-one years old. youâd spent the last three years quietly, steadfastly in love with your best friend, and now here you were, getting butterflies over a guy whoâd said you were easy to talk to. it wasnât even anything big, it was the bare minimum. it was nothing. it was⌠well.
it wasnât nothing. you knew it wasnât nothing. because suguru wasnât just a guy. he was thoughtful in a way that felt intentional, present in a way that felt rare. he didnât look at you like you were something to be conquered or figured out or fit neatly into a box. he looked at you like he was genuinely, simply, glad to be in your presence.
so when you caught yourself thinking, on the walk home from class one evening, that you might actually like suguruâ like like him, the way youâd liked satoru in the beginning, before it had calcified into something deeper and more painfulâ you didnât immediately shut it down. you let it sit there, in the quiet space of your mind, and you examined it.
you liked suguru. you liked the way he laughed, low and warm, like he was letting you in on a secret. you liked the way he tilted his head when he was thinking, the way his hair fell across his face. you liked the way he remembered things youâd told him, the way he asked questions that made you feel like your answers mattered. you liked the way he looked at you, like you were interesting, like you were worth paying attention to.
you liked him. it was a small, tentative thing, still fragile, still new. nothing like the consuming, years-long ache you carried for satoru. but it was there, and it was real, and for the first time in a very long time, you let yourself have it.
you told satoru about him on a friday night, the two of you sprawled across your apartmentâs worn couch with takeout containers balanced on your knees. it was your usual routineâ friday nights were yours, had been since freshman year, a sacred block of time that neither of you scheduled over with other plans. you watched bad movies and ate food that was bad for you and talked about nothing until the early hours of the morning.
it was the perfect time to mention suguru. casual, offhand, nothing that would make it into a bigger deal than it was.
âthereâs this guy in my sociology class,â you said, poking at your noodles with your chopsticks. âgeto suguru. heâs⌠nice.â
satoruâs attention sharpened. you saw it happen in real timeâ the way his posture shifted, the way his gaze flicked to your face and stayed there.
ânice,â he repeated, like he was testing the word. âwhat kind of nice?â
âjust nice,â you said, shrugging. âheâs easy to talk to. weâve been sitting together in class.â
âsitting together,â satoru said. heâd put his food down. his phone was face-down on the couch cushion next to him. his entire focus was on you in that particular way he had, the one that made you feel like you were the only person in the room. âlike, as friends? orâŚâ
âas friends,â you said, and then, because you werenât sure if that was entirely true anymore, you added, âi donât know. iâm not sure yet.â
there was a beat of silence. it was a strange silence, not the comfortable kind you were used to, but something taut and humming underneath.
âhuh,â satoru said. his voice was light, but there was something in his expression you couldnât quite read. âsuguru. thatâs a weird name.â
âitâs not weird,â you said, a little defensive. âitâs just not common.â
âsure,â he said, and then he grinned, and the strange tension in the room seemed to break. âso youâre telling me youâve got a secret boyfriend youâve been hiding from me? iâm wounded. truly. i thought we told each other everything.â
âheâs not my boyfriend,â you said, laughing despite yourself. âi just met him. weâve only talked in class.â
âuh huh,â satoru said. he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, like you were about to tell him the most interesting story heâd ever heard. âtell me everything. what does he look like? is he tall? is he funny? is he smarter than me? heâs not smarter than me, right? thatâs not allowed.â
you rolled your eyes, but you were smiling. âheâs⌠tall. about your height, i guess? dark hair, purplish eyes. heâs veryâ calm.â
âheâs not boring,â you said. and you must have said it with more force than you intended, because satoruâs eyebrows rose. âheâs just⌠different.â
âdifferent how?â
âi donât know,â you said, frustrated now. âhe listens. he remembers things. he makes me feel likeââ you stopped, because youâd been about to say like i matter, and that felt too honest, too raw, too much to say out loud to the person youâd been quietly in love with for years.
satoru was looking at you. his expression was strangeâ something flickering behind his eyes that youâd never seen before. if you didnât know better, youâd almost call it jealousy.
âmakes you feel like what?â he asked, his voice quieter, less teasing.
âlike iâm interesting,â you finished. it was the truth, just not the whole truth. âlike what i say matters.â
satoru was quiet for a long moment. he leaned back against the couch, a movement that seemed deliberate, careful, like he was putting distance between you without actually moving.
âwell,â he said, his voice was back to its usual brightness, but there was something forced about it now. âgood for you. about time someone else recognized how great you are.â
you laughed. that was what you did when things felt strangeâ you laughed, you deflected, you let the moment pass. âsomeone else? you barely recognize how great i am.â
âi recognize it constantly!â he said. he was grinning again, but it didnât quite reach his eyes. âiâm your biggest fan. iâve got the t-shirt and everything.â
âyou do not have a t-shirt.â
âiâll make one,â he said. ââworldâs best best friendâs biggest fan.â itâll be a hit.â
you threw a napkin at him and he caught it out of the air with that stupid reflexes he had, and the moment broke. you talked about other things after thatâ a movie satoru wanted to see, a professor whoâd been giving him a hard time, the usual rhythm of your livesâ but there was something underneath it all that lingered in the spaces between your words.
you told yourself you were imagining it. you told yourself that satoru was just surprised, that heâd get used to the idea, that it didnât mean anything. but you couldnât quite shake the way heâd looked at you. the way his voice had gone quiet. the way, for just a moment, heâd seemed almost⌠unsettled.
the double date suggestion came a week later, and it caught you so completely off guard that you nearly dropped your coffee.
youâd been telling satoru about your day when heâd interrupted you with the casual air of someone suggesting they order pizza.
âoh, by the way,â he said, scrolling through his phone, âyou should bring your sociology guy to that new ramen place with me and yuki this weekend.â
you stared at him. âwhat?â
âa double date,â he said, like it was obvious. âyou and suguru, me and yuki. itâll be fun.â
yuki. right. youâd almost forgotten about yuki. she was the latest in a line of girls satoru had been seeingâ youâd met her briefly, once, at a party. tall, confident, the kind of girl who looked like sheâd never been unsure of herself in her entire life. sheâd been with satoru for about three weeks now, which meant they were probably in the sweet spot where everything was still easy and fun, before the restlessness started to creep in.
âi donâtââ you started, but you didnât know what you wanted to say. you didnât know why satoru was suggesting this, why he was being so cheerful about it, why heâd gone from asking pointed questions about suguru to enthusiastically planning group outings.
âcome on,â satoru said, he was grinning now, that big, blinding grin that usually meant he was about to get his way. âyouâve been talking about this guy for weeks. i want to meet him. see if heâs good enough for my best friend.â
âi havenât been talking about him for weeks,â you said, because you hadnât. youâd mentioned him exactly once. satoru had been the one to bring him up since then, dropping his name into conversations with a kind of forced casualness that youâd been trying not to analyze.
âdetails,â satoru said, waving a hand. âso? saturday? iâll text you the time.â
you opened your mouth to say no. you had a hundred reasons to say noâ you werenât even sure if he was interested in you like that, the whole thing felt like it was moving too fast. but then you thought about suguruâs smile, the way he looked at you and the word that came out of your mouth was not no.
âokay,â you said. âiâll ask him.â
satoruâs grin didnât waver, but in his eyes was a flicker of something that made your stomach tighten. and then it was gone, and he was talking about the ramen place, about the best thing on the menu, about how yuki had been wanting to try it for weeks, and you let the conversation wash over you, your mind already turning to how you were going to ask suguru without making it weird.
you sent him a text that night, after youâd spent an embarrassingly long time typing and deleting and retyping the message.
you: hey, this is random, but my friend and his girlfriend are going to this ramen place on saturday and he suggested we make it a double date? no pressure if youâre not interested, just thought iâd ask
his reply came less than a minute later.
iâd love to. what time?
you stared at your phone for a long moment, a smile spreading across your face before you could stop it.
you told yourself it was just a casual outing, two friends bringing their respective people, no different from any other social engagement.
but your heart was beating a little faster, and your hands were a little warmer, and when you texted satoru back to confirm, you couldnât quite ignore the small, hopeful part of you that wondered what it might feel like to have someone look at you the way satoru looked at the girls he dated.
and if youâd been paying closer attention, you might have noticed that satoru took a little too long to reply. you might have noticed that his âgreat! see you saturday :)â came after a delay that wasnât like him, that he usually texted back instantly, that he was almost always on his phone.
but you didnât notice. you were too busy thinking about suguru, about saturday, about the strange, unfamiliar feeling of being looked at and liking it.
so you missed it. you missed the way satoru sat in the dark of your shared apartment for a long time after youâd gone to bed, phone in his hand, face unreadable.
.
.
.
the days leading up to saturday passed in a strange, suspended kind of anticipation. you found yourself thinking about the double date more than you wanted to admit, turning it over in your mind like a smooth stone, examining it from different angles. and somewhere in the process of that examination, you made a quiet, almost subconscious realization: suguru had become a distraction. a welcome one, a needed one, but a distraction nonetheless.
it wasnât that youâd stopped loving satoru. you didnât think that was something you could turn off, not after three years of letting it settle into your bones like marrow. but for the first time in a very long time, you werenât thinking about him constantly. the ache was still there, a low, familiar thrum beneath your ribs, but it had been joined by something elseâ something lighter, something that didnât hurt when you held it.
when you were with suguru, you werenât waiting. that was the thing. with satoru, you were always waitingâ waiting for him to notice, waiting for him to want you the way you wanted him, waiting for the moment when the restlessness that drove him from relationship to relationship would finally land on you and stay. youâd been waiting for three years, and youâd gotten very good at it, but you hadnât realized how exhausting it was until you stopped.
with suguru, there was no waiting. he was just⌠there. he was present and attentive and when you talked, he listened. when you laughed, he smiled like heâd been waiting to hear it. there was no performance, no guessing games, no wondering if the thing you felt was being reciprocated or if you were just reading too much into casual kindness.
it was so simple and you hadnât realized how much you needed simple.
so by the time saturday rolled around, you found yourself almost wishing it was just a date with suguru. just the two of you, no audience, no performance. you wanted to see what that would be likeâ to sit across from him in a quiet restaurant, to talk without the pressure of other people watching, to let yourself lean into the warmth that bloomed in your chest every time he looked at you.
but then you rounded the corner and saw satoru waiting outside the ramen place, and your thoughts scattered like startled birds.
he looked good. he always looked good, but tonight there was something deliberate about itâthe way his hair fell, the cut of his jacket, the casual confidence in the way he leaned against the wall. yuki was tucked under his arm, her hand in his, and they made a striking picture, the two of them. tall and beautiful and effortless, the kind of couple that made strangers glance twice as they walked by.
you felt it before you could stop itâ the familiar twist of jealousy, sharp and unwelcome, settling in your stomach. it wasnât the deep, aching kind youâd gotten used to over the years. it was smaller, meaner, a flash of something that felt almost like resentment. because there he was, with another girl, looking at her like she was something special, and you were standing here with your own maybe-something, trying not to let him see that it still stung.
you hated that it still stung. you hated that youâd spent all week thinking about suguru, that youâd almost convinced yourself you were moving on, and one look at satoru with his hand wrapped around someone elseâs was enough to undo it.
and then suguruâs hand was at the small of your back, warm and steady, and the jealousy flickered and died.
âyou okay?â he asked quietly, close enough that only you could hear.
you nodded, forcing a smile. âyeah. just a bit nervous.â
his hand lingered for a moment longer than necessary, a quiet reassurance. when he let it drop, the warmth of it stayed.
âhey!â satoru called out, spotting you. his face split into that familiar grin, bright and disarming, and he disentangled himself from yuki to walk toward you. âthere you are. we were starting to think youâd stood us up.â
âweâre five minutes early,â you said, grateful that your voice came out steady.
âstill,â satoru said, and then his gaze slid to suguru, and something shifted in his expression. it was subtleâ a tightening around his eyes, a slight curve to his smile that wasnât quite as warm as it had been a moment before. âso this is the famous geto suguru.â
âgojo satoru,â suguru said, his voice calm, pleasant, with a slight edge. a note of assessment that just appeared. âiâve heard a lot about you.â
âall good things, i hope,â satoru said, not hiding the challenge in the way he said it, a testing of waters.
âall interesting things,â suguru replied. his smile didnât waver.
the air between them crackled. you felt it, a sudden tension that hadnât been there before, and you realized with a small jolt that you were watching two people size each other up. it was subtle, almost imperceptible if you didnât know what to look for, but you knew satoru. you knew the way he stood when he was establishing dominance, the way his shoulders squared, the way his gaze went just a fraction sharper. and suguruâ suguru was meeting him beat for beat, not backing down, not rising to the bait, just standing there with that quiet, unshakeable calm that made you feel like you were in the presence of something immovable.
yuki cleared her throat. âshould we go in? iâm starving.â
the tension broke. satoru laughed, easy and bright, and threw an arm around yukiâs shoulders. âright, right. food first. letâs go.â
he led the way inside, yuki at his side, and you fell into step beside suguru. his hand found your back again, just briefly, a quick touch that said iâm here, and you felt something unclench in your chest.
the ramen place was small and warm, the kind of hole-in-the-wall that served the best food and didnât care about aesthetics. you were seated at a table by the window, a booth that forced you and suguru to sit on one side and satoru and yuki on the other. the proximity was good, you told yourself. it meant you could focus on suguru, on the menu, on anything other than the way satoruâs knee was pressed against yukiâs under the table.
the first few minutes were easy. everyone ordered, made small talk about the menu, debated the merits of tonkotsu versus shoyu. yuki asked suguru about his majorâ he was studying literature, which, when you found out, surprised you and also didnât. he had the vibes of someone who spent a lot of time with books, the kind of person who read slowly and remembered everything.
âliterature,â satoru said, and there was something in his voice that made you look up. âso youâre one of those people who thinks they can see into the human condition by reading about it.â
suguruâs eyebrows rose slightly. âi think literature is one way of understanding people, yes. do you disagree?â
âi think understanding people is about being with them,â satoru said. ânot reading about them. you canât learn how to be in a relationship from a book.â
âthatâs not really what literature is for,â suguru said, his voice still calm, but you could hear the undercurrent now. âitâs not a manual. itâs a mirror.â
âa mirror,â satoru repeated. he smiled, but it didnât reach his eyes. âthatâs very poetic.â
âis that a bad thing?â
you glanced at yuki. she was watching the exchange with an expression that looked a lot like the one you were trying to hideâ a kind of bemused discomfort, the look of someone whoâd stumbled into a conversation they hadnât signed up for.
âso,â you said, too brightly, âyuki, how did you and satoru meet?â
it was a clumsy deflection, but it worked. you actually knew the story yuki launched intoâ a party, a mutual friend, the usualâ but at least the tension at the table eased. satoru played along, adding details, making her laugh, being the charming, easy version of himself that everyone loved. but you caught him glancing at suguru when he thought no one was looking, and you caught suguru doing the same, and the tension was just there, simmering.
the ramen came, and for a while, conversation was suspended in favor of food. yours was goodâ rich, savory, exactly what you neededâ but you found yourself eating without tasting it, too aware of the dynamics at the table. satoru was being more attentive to yuki than youâd ever seen him be with anyone, draping his arm over the back of her seat, leaning in to murmur things in her ear, touching her wrist, her hand, her shoulder. it was performative, you realized. not the affection itself, maybe, but the display of it. like he was putting on a show.
and suguru, for his part, was doing something similar. not as overtly, not with the same flashy charm, but you could feel it in the way he angled his body toward you, the way he made sure your water glass was full, the way he asked you questions and listened to your answers with a focus that felt pointed, like he was demonstrating something, as if he was saying, without words, this is how you treat someone.
you didnât know how to feel about it. flattered, maybe. or confused. or like you were caught in the middle of something you didnât fully understand.
âso, suguru,â satoru said, setting down his chopsticks. âwhat do you do for fun? besides reading, i mean.â
suguru considered the question. âi cook. i hike. i spend time with people i care about.â
âcooking,â satoru said. âimpressive. i can barely make toast without setting off the fire alarm.â
âyou set off the fire alarm making toast?â yuki asked, chuckling.
âit was a very aggressive toaster,â satoru said, and everyone laughed, including you, because youâd been there for that incident and it was funny. but satoruâs gaze flicked to you when you laughed, his expression turning more pleased. then it moved to suguru, watching to see how he reacted.
suguru was smiling, however it was a little dismissive. âaggressive toasters are the worst,â he said mildly.
the conversation continued like that, a strange dance of words and silences. every time satoru made a joke, suguru responded with quiet, understated humor. every time suguru said something thoughtful or humorous, satoru found a way to make it sound pretentious. they were circling each other, testing weaknesses, looking for openings. and you and yuki were caught in the middle, exchanging glances across the table that said, more clearly than words, what is happening right now?
you almost laughed. you didnât, because that would have been weird, but you almost did.
by the time the meal was over, you were exhausted. the food had been good, but the undercurrent of competition had drained you in a way you hadnât expected. you found yourself craving quiet, craving the simple ease of being alone with suguru, without the strange, charged presence of satoru watching every interaction.
outside the restaurant, the evening air was cool and sharp. satoru had his arm around yuki again, pulling her close against the chill. âthat was fun,â he said. he sounded like he meant it. âwe should do it again.â
âmaybe,â you said, noncommittal. you werenât doing it again.
satoruâs gaze moved between you and suguru, and something flickered in his expressionâ a quick, unreadable thing that was gone before you could identify it. âyou two heading home?â
âwe might walk around a bit,â suguru said, and his hand found yours. you felt your face heat up, eyes immediately jumping up to see satoruâs reaction. âitâs a nice night.â
satoru looked at your joined hands just for a second, long enough for you to see something tighten in his jaw before he smiled. âsure. have fun. donât stay out too late.â
âwe wonât,â you said sheepishly. then, because you didnât know what else to do, you said goodbye to yuki, who gave you a small, knowing smile that made you feel seen in a way you werenât sure you liked.
soon they were gone, walking down the street together, satoruâs arm still around her, his head bent toward hers like they were sharing secrets. you watched them for a moment. the jealousy was there again, but it was distant now. muted, like hearing music from another room.
suguruâs thumb brushed across your knuckles. âyou okay?â
you turned to look at him. in the soft glow of the streetlights, he looked softer somehow, the sharp edges of the dinner conversation smoothed away. he was looking at you with that expression youâd come to recognizeâ patient, attentive.
âyeah,â you meant it. âletâs walk.â
you found a quiet street a few blocks away, lined with old trees and closed shops, the kind of place that felt removed from the rest of the city. you walked in silence for a while, your hand still in suguruâs, and it was nice. easy. the tension of the evening slowly draining away with each step.
âso,â suguru said eventually. the careful quality to his voice made you tense a little, like he was choosing his words with precision. âsatoru.â
you braced yourself. âwhat about him?â
âheâsâŚâ suguru paused. you could see him searching for the right word. âintense.â
you laughed. that was one way to put it. âyeah. he can be.â
âyouâve been friends for a while?â
âsince the entrance exams,â you said. âweâve lived together for most of it.â
suguru nodded slowly. âheâs very⌠protective of you.â
you frowned. âwhat do you mean?â
âthe way he looked at me tonight,â suguru said. âlike he was evaluating me. deciding if i was good enough.â he glanced at you, a small smile playing at his lips. âit was a little intimidating, honestly.â
âyou didnât seem intimidated.â
âiâm good at hiding it.â
you didnât believe that for a second, but you appreciated the attempt at humility. âsatoruâs just like that. heâs always been protective. it doesnât mean anything.â
suguru was quiet for a moment, before he nudged you, voicing gently, âdoesnât it?â
you stopped walking. âuh. whatâs that supposed to mean?â
he stopped too, turning to face you. in the dim light, his expression was hard to read, but his voice was soft when he spoke. âiâm not trying to pry. i just⌠i notice things. the way you looked at him tonight. the way he looked at you.â
your heart was beating faster now, a nervous flutter in your chest. âi donât know what you mean.â
suguruâs gaze was steady, kind, but the perceptiveness of it made you feel like you couldnât hide.
âyou donât have to tell me anything,â he said. âi just want you to know that i see you. all of you. and iâm not going anywhere.â
you stood there, in the middle of a quiet street, with his hand warm in yours, and you felt something crack open in your chest. something youâd been holding closed for a very long time.
âitâs complicated,â you said finally. your voice came out smaller than you intended.
âit usually is,â suguru said, not pushing. he just waited, patient as always, giving you the space to decide what you wanted to share.
you took a breath. âiâve known him for four years. heâs my best friend. and for three of those years, iâve beenâŚâ you stopped, the words sticking in your throat. youâd never said it out loud. not to anyone. not even to yourself, really, not in a way that felt real.
suguruâs hand tightened around yours. âyouâve been in love with him.â
âyeah,â you said. âyeah, i have.â
suguru was looking at you with something that might have been understanding, or maybe sadness, or maybe something else entirely.
âand now?â he asked.
you thought about it. about the years of waiting, of watching, of wanting. about the way satoruâs hand had looked wrapped around yukiâs. about the strange, competitive energy that had filled the restaurant tonight. about the way suguru had been there, steady and warm, through all of it.
âi donât know,â you said honestly. âiâm trying to figure it out.â
suguru nodded slowly. then he lifted your joined hands, pressed a kiss to your knuckles and let them fall back to your side.
âthatâs okay,â he said. âtake your time. iâm not going anywhere.â
you looked at him, at the quiet sincerity in his face, and you saw a door that had been cracked open, letting in a little light.
âthank you,â you meant it more than youâd meant anything in a long time.
he smiled.
âcome on,â he said, tugging you gently back into motion. âletâs finish our walk. thereâs a good spot for watching the city lights a few blocks up. iâll show you.â
you let him pull you forward, your hand in his, the night air cool on your face. briefly, you let yourself imagine a future that didnât revolve around waiting for satoru gojo to love you back.
.
.
.
the thing about dating suguru was that it was good. it was so, so good, and that was what made it hard.
you kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. for the moment when the easy warmth of his attention would cool, when the quiet steadiness of his presence would reveal itself as something elseâ boredom, maybe, or impatience, or the same restless hunger for novelty that youâd grown used to from the other people in your life.
but the shoe never dropped. suguru was exactly who he seemed to be: attentive, thoughtful, present. when he said he wanted to spend time with you, he meant it. when he looked at you like you were the only person in the room, he kept looking, even when you werenât saying anything interesting, even when you were just sitting together in comfortable silence, even when you were so deep in your own head that youâd forgotten he was there.
it was good. it was so, so good. and yet.
the thought lingered in the back of your mind, a low hum you couldnât quite tune out. suguru knows. suguru knows youâre in love with your best friend. youâd told him that night, standing on a quiet street with his hand wrapped around yours, and heâd taken it with that same unshakeable calm he brought to everything. no judgment, no jealousyâ at least, none that he showed. just a quiet understanding that had made you feel seen in a way that was both a relief and a terror.
because if suguru had noticed, if heâd looked at you for a few weeks and seen the shape of the thing youâd been carrying for three years, then who else had noticed? had it been that obvious all along? had you been walking around with your heart written on your sleeve, broadcasting your feelings to anyone who cared to look?
and the worst thought, the one that crept in at night when you were trying to fall asleep, the one that made your stomach clench and your breath catch: does satoru know?
you didnât think so. you couldnât think so. because if satoru knew, surely he would have said something. surely he would have looked at you differently, treated you differently, put distance between you or, worse, pulled you closer in that careless, thoughtless way he had, the way that made everything harder. he would have done something. the fact that he hadnâtâ that he still threw his arm around your shoulders, still sprawled across the couch with his feet in your lap, still looked at you with that easy, uncomplicated affection that had been the same since you were seventeenâ meant he didnât know. he couldnât know.
you held onto that. you had to.
however, another thing about dating suguru was that it changed the shape of your life in ways you hadnât anticipated. the change that happened in the margins, in the spaces between things, so gradual that you almost didnât notice it happening until one day you looked up and realized the landscape had shifted.
you spent less time at the apartment, that was the biggest thing. not because you were avoiding satoruâ you told yourself you werenât avoiding him, that you were just busy, that it was natural to spend more time with the person you were datingâ but the math was simple.
there were only so many hours in a day and more and more of them were filling up with suguru. coffee in the mornings, walks between classes, long evenings that started with dinner and somehow stretched into midnight without either of you noticing.
heâd introduced you to his favorite used bookstore and youâd lost an entire saturday there, sitting on the floor between the stacks, reading passages aloud to each other until your voices went hoarse. youâd cooked togetherâ or rather, heâd cooked and youâd sat on the counter and watched, stealing vegetables from the cutting board while he pretended to be annoyed. youâd hiked the trails behind the university, the ones youâd always meant to explore but never had, and heâd pointed out birds and plants and told you their names like he was introducing you to old friends.
it was good. it was so, so good.
and when you came home, satoru was usually there. on the couch, in the kitchen, sprawled across his bed with his laptop open, always with some excuse for why he hadnât gone out. nothing good on, heâd say, or yuki was busy, or too tired, or just felt like staying in. and youâd drop your bag by the door and kick off your shoes and fall into the familiar rhythm of your shared spaceâ the easy banter, the way heâd complain about his day and youâd pretend not to listen and heâd know you were really listening so heâd keep talking anyway because that was just what you did.
but the rhythm was different now. the way satoru would glance at the clock when you came in, like he was calculating how long youâd been gone. the way heâd ask about suguru with a smile that was maybe a little too bright, a little too quick. the way the silences between you had shifted, grown heavier, filled with things neither of you was saying.
the movie nights were the first to go. you didnât plan it that wayâ it just happened. friday would roll around and suguru would text you about a new place he wanted to try, or a book heâd found that he thought youâd like, or just what are you doing? and youâd say nothing and then you were with him, and the night was over before you remembered that fridays were supposed to be yours.
it happened once, and then twice, and then enough times that you stopped thinking of fridays as sacred. and satoru never said anything. he never called you out, never made you feel guilty, never even mentioned it. when youâd come home on saturday morning, heâd be there, making coffee or scrolling through his phone, and heâd look up and say âheyâ like it was any other day and nothing had changed.
but things have changed. you felt it in the way youâd catch yourself checking your phone during class, wondering if satoru had texted. in the way youâd pause outside the apartment door sometimes, taking a breath before going in, trying to remember who you were supposed to be on the other side. in the way youâd lie in bed at night, in the room that was yours alone now because satoru had stopped knocking on your door when the nightmares came, and you didnât know if that was because the nightmares had stopped or because heâd learned not to bother you.
you missed him. that was the truth of it, the thing you didnât want to admit to yourself because it felt like a betrayal. you missed suguru when you werenât with him, tooâ that was the confusing part, the part that made everything feel tangled and messy. you liked suguru. you liked him so much it scared you sometimes, the way your heart would lift when his name lit up your phone, the way youâd catch yourself smiling for no reason, the way his hand in yours felt like coming home to somewhere youâd never been before.
but you missed satoru. you missed the way heâd sprawl across the couch with his head in your lap, complaining about nothing, while you pretended to watch the movie. you missed the late-night conversations that started about nothing and somehow ended with you both laughing so hard you couldnât breathe. you missed the way heâd look at you sometimes, like you were the only person in the world who really saw him, and youâd feel, for a moment, like maybe that was true.
you missed what you had and you didnât know if what you had was gone, or just... smaller. the shape of it had changed, and you couldnât tell if that was naturalâ the way friendships shifted when new people came into your lifeâ or if it was something else. something youâd done, some choice youâd made without realizing it, some line youâd crossed that you couldnât uncross.
because it was only appropriate, wasnât it? to give more of your time and attention to the person you were dating. to prioritize him, to let him in, to build something new. that was what you were supposed to do. that was how it worked.
you couldnât keep spending every friday night on the couch with satoru, couldnât keep treating him like the center of your universe when you were trying to build a life that included someone else. it wasnât fair to suguru. it wasnât fair to you, either, not reallyâ not when every moment with satoru was a reminder of what you couldnât have, a thread pulling you back toward something you were trying to let go of.
this was good. this was what you needed. distance, space, the chance to let the feelings youâd been carrying for three years finally, finally fade.
right?
.
.
.
you were lying in bed one night, staring at the ceiling, when you heard it. satoruâs door opening, soft footsteps in the hallway. the sound of the refrigerator opening, closing. the creak of the couch as he sat down.
you waited for the knock on your door. the familiar patternâ three soft raps, a pause, two more. the sheepish expression when you opened it, the way heâd rub the back of his neck and say something like sorry, couldnât sleep or bad dream or just can iâŚ? and youâd move over and heâd crawl into your bed and curl up at the end like an overgrown cat, and the weight of him there, the sound of his breathing, would be enough to quiet the world.
but the knock didnât come.
you lay there, listening to the silence from the living room, and you didnât know if you were relieved or devastated.
maybe both. maybe that was the problemâ that you were always both, always caught between two things, always wanting what you couldnât have and not knowing what to do with what you did.
you thought about suguru. the way heâd kissed you goodnight earlier, a slow, sweet thing that had left you warm and wanting. the way heâd said text me when you get home because it mattered to him that you were safe. the way he looked at you, always, like you were something precious, something worth protecting.
you liked him. you really, really liked him.
but you also, in the quiet dark of your room, with satoru sitting alone in the living room and not knocking on your door, you let yourself admit that you missed him very much. that you missed the way things were before. that some part of you, some stubborn, stupid part that you couldnât seem to kill no matter how hard you tried, was still waiting.
you closed your eyes and told yourself it would fade. that eventually, youâll wake up one morning and not feel the ache of him in your chest like a bruise you kept pressing on.
this was good. this was what you needed.
it was good.
in the living room, satoru sat on the couch in the dark, his phone dark in his hand, your closed door at the end of the hallway. heâd been sitting there for an hour, maybe longer. long enough that the takeout heâd orderedâ your usual, the one from the place you both liked, the one heâd bought without thinkingâ had gone cold on the coffee table.
heâd meant to knock. heâd walked to your door twice, hand raised, ready. but each time, heâd stopped himself. because what was he supposed to say? i miss you? why arenât you here anymore? who is this guy and why does he get to have you when iâ
he didnât finish the thought. he never finished the thought. it was easier, safer, to let it trail off into nothing, to push it down into the place where all the things he didnât want to look at lived.
he picked up his phone again. scrolled through his messages. yuki had texted him earlierâ something about a party next weekend, something about we should go, itâll be funâ and heâd read it and put the phone down and not responded. he didnât know why. yuki was nice. yuki was easy. yuki didnât make him feel like he was standing on the edge of something he couldnât name.
he looked at your door again, thought about the way youâd smiled lately, when heâd asked how your day was. the way youâd said good in that voice that meant you were somewhere else, thinking about someone else.
he thought about suguru. the quiet confidence, the steady gaze, the way heâd looked at you like you were the only person in the room. the way youâd looked back.
satoru set his phone down. picked up the cold takeout container. stared at it for a long moment, then put it back down. he sat on the couch, in the dark, and waited for morning.
satoru gojo is not a person who spends a lot of time thinking about his own feelings. this is not an accident. it is a deliberate, carefully cultivated skill, honed over years of practice, and he is very good at it. feelings are messy. feelings are complicated. feelings are the kind of thing that make you do stupid things, like stay up too late and say things you canât take back and wake up in the middle of the night with your chest caved in and no idea why.
so he doesnât think about them. he doesnât think about the way his stomach tightens when you laugh or the way his day feels incomplete if he hasnât heard your voice or the way heâs been measuring every person heâs ever dated against a standard he didnât realize he was setting until it was too late to lower it.
he doesnât think about it. heâs very good at not thinking about it.
but lately, not thinking about it has become harder and he knows exactly when it started, even if he wonât say it out loud. it started with a name. suguru. it started with the way you said it and the way something in his chest went tight and cold at the sound of it. it started with the way you started coming home later, and the way youâd smile at your phone when you thought he wasnât looking, and the way youâd say suguru and i like it was the most natural thing in the world, like your world had always included someone elseâs name next to yours.
he doesnât think about it. he doesnât.
he met you at the entrance exams. he remembers it clearlyâ remembers the way you were standing against the wall, trying to take up as little space as possible, like you were apologizing for existing. he remembers thinking, why is that person trying to disappear? and then, immediately after, i should talk to them. he was seventeen and he was already the kind of person who talked to everyone, who collected friends the way other people collected coins, easily and without much thought.
he just knew that you looked like you needed someone to tell you that you were allowed to take up space, and he was very good at telling people things. so he walked over, and he said somethingâ he doesnât remember what, something stupid probably, something designed to make you laughâ and you looked at him with those eyes, and he felt something shift in his chest. something he didnât have a name for.
he still doesnât have a name for it. heâs been calling it friendship for four years, and thatâs worked well enough.
you were his first best friend. thatâs something he doesnât talk about, not to anyone. heâd had friends beforeâ lots of them, always, because he was the kind of person people gravitated toward, the kind of person who made everything brighter just by being there, but heâd never had a best friend. heâd never had someone he wanted to come home to, someone he wanted to tell everything, someone whose presence made the noise in his head quiet down.
you were the first person who made him want to be better. not for any reason or because you asked or expected or even seemed to notice, but because when he was around you, he wanted to be the kind of person who deserved to be around you. he wanted to remember things. he wanted to show up on time. he wanted to be someone you could count on, someone you could trust, someone who wouldnât leave you standing against a wall trying to disappear.
you raised the standard. thatâs a thing he doesnât let himself think about, not really. you raised the standard so quietly, so gently, that he didnât even notice it happening until one day he looked at the girl he was datingâ some girl, any girl, they all blurred together after a whileâ and realized she didnât make him want to be better. she didnât make him want anything, really. she was just⌠there and he was just⌠going through the motions.
heâs been going through the motions for a long time, he knows that. he knows thereâs something wrong with him, something that makes him get bored, get restless, get that itch under his skin that tells him to move on, move forward, donât look back. heâs broken up with more people than he can count, and every time, he tells himself itâs because they werenât right, because thereâs someone out there who will make it stick, who will make him want to stay.
but he knows, somewhere deep down, that heâs been looking for you in every person heâs ever dated. and no one has ever come close.
he doesnât think about it. he doesnât.
but then you said suguru, and suddenly he couldnât stop thinking about it.
he hates suguru. he tells himself itâs not jealousyâ heâs not jealous, why would he be jealous, youâre his best friend, he wants you to be happy, of course he wants you to be happyâ but he hates suguru with a clarity that scares him. he hates the way suguru looks at you, like heâs reading you, like heâs seeing something thatâs supposed to be private. he hates the way suguru is calm, always calm, like nothing can touch him, like heâs above all the messy, complicated feelings that keep satoru up at night.
he hates that suguru is perceptive. he hates that suguru seems to see through him, past the jokes and the grins and the easy charm, to something heâs been hiding for so long heâs almost forgotten itâs there. he hates the way suguruâs hand found yours that night, casual and confident, like he had a right to it. like heâd earned it.
and the worst part is that he canât even hate suguru for how he treats you, because suguru treats you right. satoru has been watching, has been cataloguing every interaction, every small gesture, every glance, looking for something he can use, something he can point to and say see? heâs not good enough. but thereâs nothing.
and thatâs the thing that keeps satoru up at night, because suguru treats you right and suguru looks at you the way satoru has been looking at you for four years without letting himself name it and suguru is doing what satoru has been too scared to do, and heâs doing it right.
satoru doesnât know what to do with that. he doesnât know what to do with the fact that someone else has figured out what took him years to even admit to himself. he doesnât know what to do with the fact that youâre happyâ you are happy, he can see it, he can see the way you smile now, the way you carry yourself, the way youâve stopped trying to disappearâ and that happiness is coming from someone who isnât him anymore
he should be happy for you. he is happy for you. he wants you to be happy, heâs always wanted that, and if suguru is the one who can give you that, thenâŚ
then what? then he just⌠steps aside? then he watches you fall in love with someone else, watches someone else get to hold your hand and make you laugh and be the person you come home to, and he just⌠accepts it?
he thinks about telling you. sometimes, in the dark, when heâs lying in bed and the walls feel too close and the silence is too loud, he thinks about walking to your door and knocking and saying iâve been in love with you since we were seventeen and letting whatever happens happen. but then he thinks about your faceâ the way youâd look at him, the confusion, the pity, the careful way youâd let him down because youâre too kind to hurt him even when heâs hurting youâ and he canât. he canât do it. because if he tells you and you donât feel the same way, he loses you. and losing you is the only thing heâs ever been truly afraid of.
so he doesnât tell you. he doesnât think about it. he buries it down deep, where itâs always been, and he keeps being your best friend. he keeps being the person you come home to, the person who saves you the last piece of whatever heâs eating, the person who makes you laugh when youâre stressed. he keeps being enough.
except now thereâs suguru. and suddenly enough doesnât feel like enough anymore.
yuki is nice. yuki is pretty. yuki is everything he should wantâ smart, confident, the kind of girl who doesnât need him to be anything other than what he is. when heâs with her, he doesnât have to try. he doesnât have to think. he can just be satoru, the easy one, the charming one, the one who makes everything fun.
but heâs getting bored. heâs always getting bored, thatâs the problem, thatâs the thing he hates about himself. three weeks in and already the conversations feel rote, the touches feel automatic, the whole thing feels like a script heâs read before. he catches himself thinking about you when heâs with her. your laugh, your voice, the way youâd react to something he said. he catches himself comparingâ not out loud, never out loud, but in his head, where he canât help it. yuki wouldnât get that joke. yuki wouldnât have stayed up with me when i couldnât sleep. yuki doesnât look at me the way you look at me.
he should break up with her. he knows he should break up with her. itâs not fair to keep her around when heâs already checked out, when his mind is always somewhere else, with someone else. but every time he thinks about ending it, he thinks about suguru. about the double date, about the way suguruâs hand was on your back, about the way you looked at him. and he thinks about what it would mean to show up alone, to be the one without a date, to have to watch you and suguru together while he has nothing.
itâs stupid, itâs so stupid. heâs never had trouble finding someone to date, has never been without options, has never been the kind of person who needs to cling to a relationship thatâs already over. but this isnât about yuki. it never was about yuki.
itâs about proving something, heâs not even sure what. maybe that he can be stable or can be in a relationship or he can be the kind of person who doesnât get bored and move on. maybe that he doesnât need you, that heâs fine, that his life is full and happy and doesnât revolve around waiting for you to see him. maybe that heâs not jealous, that he doesnât care about suguru, that he can have his own thing and be perfectly content while you build something with someone else.
maybe itâs just that letting go of yuki would mean admitting that none of it matters. that she was never going to make him feel the way you do, no one is, and heâs been chasing something for four years and heâs never going to catch it.
so he stays with yuki. he texts her back, makes plans, shows up. he lets her wrap her arms around him and talk about her day and laugh at his jokes. and he thinks about you the whole time.
why does he even care? the question circles in his head at 3 a.m., when heâs staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out why his chest feels like itâs caving in. why does it matter if youâre dating someone? why does it matter if that someone is perceptive and calm and looks at you like youâre the only person in the world? why does it matter that youâre happy, that youâre smiling more, for other reasons than him?
you deserve everything suguru seems to be giving you, and more.
so why does it feel like heâs losing something? why does it feel like every day you spend with suguru is a day youâre slipping further away from him, and heâs just standing here, watching it happen, too scared to reach out and grab you?
because heâs in love with you. heâs been in love with you since you told him you werenât interesting and he knew, instantly, that you were the most interesting person heâd ever met. heâs been in love with you through every relationship, every breakup, every late night and early morning and moment in between. heâs been in love with you so long that he doesnât remember what it felt like before.
and heâs never said a word because saying it would change everything, and heâs not brave enough to find out what that change would look like.
he is a coward.
so he sits on the couch in the dark. he lets the takeout go cold. he doesnât knock on your door. and he tells himself that this is what it means to love someoneâ to let them go, to let them be happy, to stand in the background and watch them bloom under someone elseâs attention.
he tells himself that and he almost believes it.
when he closes his eyes, he sees your face. he sees the way you looked at him that first day, he sees the way you laugh, the way you say his name, the way you exist in his life like you were always meant to be there. and he thinks about suguruâs hand on you, and he thinks about your smile when you say his name, and he thinks about how heâs never going to be the one to make you look like that.
heâs satoru gojo. heâs the one who has everything. heâs the one people envy, the one who moves through life like it was designed for him, the one who never has to try.
but right now, sitting in the dark, listening to the silence of your apartment, heâs never felt more like heâs lost something he never had the courage to reach for. he doesnât know what to do with any of it.
so he doesnât think about it. he doesnât think about you, or suguru, or the way his chest feels like itâs splitting open. he doesnât think about the words heâll never say, the confession heâll never make, the life he could have had if heâd been just a little bit braver.
he doesnât think about any of it.
he sits on the couch. he waits for morning. and he tells himself that this is enough.
.
.
.
it started, as most of satoruâs better ideas did, with him staring at his phone in the middle of a lecture he wasnât listening to.
heâd been doing that a lot lately. staring at his phone. scrolling through your messagesâ the ones from before, the ones when you still texted him throughout the day, stupid things and funny things and things that didnât matter except that they were from you. the messages had become less frequent lately. not gone, but different; shorter, more gaps between them. heâd catch himself typing something, then deleting it, because he didnât want to bother you or interrupt whatever you were doing with suguru, didnât want to be the needy best friend who couldnât let go.
but today, sitting in the back of a lecture hall while some professor droned on about something he was supposed to care about, he had a thought, one that felt, suddenly, like the most obvious thing in the world.
you were still his best friend, werenât you?
that couldnât change. four years of inside jokes and late-night conversations and knowing each other in ways no one else didâ that wasnât something that disappeared just because someone new had entered the picture. he was allowed to want to spend time with you. he was allowed to miss you. he was allowed to want to do things with you, just the two of you, without it meaning anything more than what it was: two best friends hanging out, the way they always had.
there was nothing weird about that. nothing that anyone could point to and say look, heâs in love with her, look how pathetic he is.
it was just⌠friendship. the same friendship youâd had since you were seventeen. the same friendship that had been the most important thing in his life for four years.
so why shouldnât he act on it?
he was out of his seat before heâd fully formed the thought, shoving his laptop into his bag, ignoring the confused look from the person next to him. he slipped out the side door of the lecture hall, his heart beating faster than it had any right to, and pulled out his phone.
his fingers moved before he could talk himself out of it.
hey. cancel your plans for saturday. iâm taking you somewhere.
he stared at the message for a moment, the cursor blinking, and then he added:
donât argue. just be ready at 12.
he hit send before he could second-guess himself. he stood in the hallway, phone clutched in his hand, waiting.
the reply came a minute later, maybe less, yet it felt like forever.
silly gooseđŞż: what?? where are we going
he grinned. he couldnât help it.
itâs a surprise. wear comfortable shoes. and no, iâm not telling you anything else.
he could picture you reading the message, could picture the way youâd tilt your head, the way youâd chew on your bottom lip while you decided whether to push for more information.
silly gooseđŞż: youâre being very mysterious
thatâs the point
silly gooseđŞż: fine but if itâs one of your surprise where we end up in the police station again and your father has to bail us out iâm not going
he laughed out loud, the sound echoing in the empty hallway.
itâs not that. i promise. just trust me.
silly gooseđŞż: okay. i trust you.
he stared at those three words for longer than was probably normal.
he pocketed his phone and walked out of the building into the afternoon sun, and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he could breathe.
.
.
.
saturday noon arrived the way satoru had been willing it to arriveâ slow enough to build anticipation, fast enough that he didnât lose his nerve. heâd been up since six, which was ridiculous. he just couldnât sleep. he kept running through the plan in his head, checking and rechecking details that didnât need checking, making sure everything was perfect.
it wasnât a date. he told himself that again, firmly, as he stood in front of his closet for the third time, trying to decide what to wear. it wasnât a date. it was two friends spending the day together. that was all. so why did it matter what he wore? why did he care if his hair was doing the thing it did sometimes, the thing that made it fall just right? why had he gone to the convenience store yesterday and bought your favorite snacks without even thinking about it, like it was instinct, like his body knew what you wanted before his brain caught up?
it wasnât a date. it was just⌠him being your friend, being the person who knew you, who remembered the things you liked, who wanted to make you smile.
that was allowed. that was normal. that was fine.
he settled on something simpleâ jeans, a soft sweater, his favorite sunglassesâ and tried not to look at himself in the mirror too long. when he heard your door open at 11:58, he was already in the living room, pretending to be absorbed in his phone, trying to look like he hadnât been waiting for this moment all week.
you came out of your room and he looked up and there it was, that thing that happened every time he saw you, the thing heâd never been able to explain or control or make go away. the way his heart did a small, stupid flip in his chest. the way the rest of the world seemed to blur at the edges, like someone had turned down the focus on everything that wasnât you.
you were wearing something simpleâ jeans, a top, a jacketâ and your hair looked like you hadnât put too much effort in, and you were the most beautiful thing heâd ever seen. you always were, thatâs how he distinguished you in a room full of people.
âokay,â you said, pulling your keys out of your pocket. âiâm ready. are you going to tell me where weâre going yet, or are you committed to the mystery?â
he grinned, pushing off from the couch, sliding his sunglasses into place. âcommitted to the mystery. get in the car.â
you rolled your eyes, but you were smiling. âif this is another one of your schemesââ
âitâs not a scheme! itâs a surprise. thereâs a difference.â
âis there?â
âa huge difference. schemes are nefarious. surprises are delightful. like me.â
the drive took about forty minutes. you spent most of it trying to guess where he was taking youâ guessing every amusement park, every tourist attraction, every vaguely interesting thing within a two-hour radiusâ and he spent most of it deflecting, making up ridiculous answers, watching you laugh out of the corner of his eye. the radio was playing something forgettable, the windows were down just enough to let the autumn air in, and for a while, it was easy. it was the way things used to be, before everything got complicated, before suguru, before he started measuring every moment in terms of what he was losing.
âokay, final guess,â you said, as he turned onto the access road. âif itâs not the boardwalk and itâs not the botanical gardens and itâs not that weird museum with the taxidermyââ
âthat was one time.â
ââthen it has to beââ you stopped as the entrance came into view, and your mouth dropped open. âwait. is thisââ
âthe new amusement park,â he said, trying to sound casual, like he hadnât been waiting for the perfect moment to bring you here. âi heard they opened last month. thought we should check it out.â
you turned to look at him, your faceâ he wanted to bottle that expression and keep it somewhere safe. the surprise, the delight, the way your eyes went wide and bright. âsatoruââ
âyou said you wanted to come when it opened. remember? you saw the article about it, back when they first broke ground, and you saidââ
âi said we should come when itâs finished,â you finished, your voice turning softer. âyou remembered that?â
he shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road, pretending he didnât notice the way you were looking at him. âi remember things. iâm a good friend.â
you didnât say anything for a moment. when he glanced over, you were still looking at him with an unreadable expression that made his heart beat a little faster.
âyeah,â you said finally, quietly. âyou are.â
he parked the car and you both got out. the sun was warm on his face. you were standing next to him, close enough that his arm brushed yours, and he let himself have this. he let himself pretend that nothing had changed, that you were still his in the way youâd always been his, that the world hadnât shifted underneath his feet.
the park was crowded, but not unbearably so. everything felt alive without being overwhelming. satoru had done his research, had looked at all the ride maps and food stalls and show times, had planned out a route that would hit everything you might want to see without spending the whole day in lines. he didnât tell you that, of course. he played it cool, like he was just making it up as he went along and he hadnât spent hours thinking about this exact day.
âokay,â you said, looking around at the chaos of colors and sounds. âwhere do we start?â
he considered the options. âfood first. iâm starving.â
âalready?â
âand? you donât get hungry at 13?â
âi had breakfast.â
âthat was hours ago.â
âit was literally an hour ago.â
âan hour is a long time. metabolically speaking.â
you laughed, and he grabbed your hand before he could think about itâ to pull you toward the food stalls, he told himself, because it was crowded and he didnât want to lose youâ and your fingers were warm in his. you didnât pull away.
the first food stall they hit was one selling taiyaki, the fish-shaped pastries filled with red bean paste, and he bought four without asking if you wanted any, just handed you two and watched you take the first bite.
âgood?â he asked, already knowing the answer.
you nodded, mouth full. he felt a ridiculous surge of satisfaction.
from there, it became a kind of mission. the park had all the classic amusement food, but elevated somehowâ fancier, more elaborate, the kind of stuff that was made to be photographed and posted.
âokay, try this,â he said, shoving a piece of honeycomb-topped ice cream toward you. âitâs supposed to be their signature thing.â
you leaned in and took a bite. he watched your expression shift from curiosity to surprise to delight. âoh my god. thatâs actually incredible.â
âright? i knew youâd like it.â
âhow did you know?â
he shrugged, taking a bite himself, the honey sweet and sticky on his tongue. âyou like honey. you put it in your tea, even when i tell you itâs too much. and you like cold things, even in winter. remember that time you made me get ice cream with you when it was snowing?â
you stared at him. âthat was three years ago.â
âso?â
âso you remember that? what i ordered?â
âmint chocolate chip,â he said, without missing a beat. âyou said it was basic but you didnât care. and then you dropped half of it on the sidewalk and looked so sad i went back and bought you another one.â
you went quiet. he realized, belatedly, that maybe he was saying too much and showing his hand. but then you smiled, small and soft, and said, âyouâre ridiculous.â
âiâm dedicated,â he corrected. âyou know thatâ
âdo i?â
âa huge difference. dedication is admirable. ridiculousness isââ
âalso admirable?â
he laughed. âi was going to say âcharming,â but sure. weâll go with admirable.â
you rolled your eyes, but you were still smiling. when you reached out to steal another piece of his ice cream, he let you.
he took you on rides after that. the park had a good mixâ some classic, some new, some that made you scream and some that made you laugh. satoru had always been a fan of the big ones, the ones that went high and fast and made your stomach drop out from under you.
today, he found himself gravitating toward the smaller things. the spinning teacups, where you both got dizzy and stumbled out laughing, holding onto each other to stay upright. the bumper cars, where you spent an embarrassingly long time chasing each other around the rink, both of you laughing so hard you could barely steer. the old-fashioned carousel, where you picked a horse with chipped paint and a golden mane and he stood next to you, one hand on the pole, watching the way the afternoon light caught in your hair.
âyouâre not going to ride?â you asked, as the carousel started its slow, stately rotation.
âiâm riding. iâm right here.â
âstanding doesnât count.â
âsure it does. iâm experiencing the carousel. iâm very engaged.â
you gave him a look. âyouâre standing next to a stationary horse while i do all the work.â
âitâs a very nice stationary horse.â he nodded assuredly and then squinted at you, âalso, what work are you talking about, you are sitting on a horse that moves by itself.â
you laughed, and the sound of it was better than any music, better than any ride, better than anything else in the park. he wanted to bottle it. he wanted to carry it with him everywhere. he wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life.
âyouâre so weird,â you said.
âthatâs why we work. you like me.â
âi didnât say that.â
âyou didnât have to.â
the carousel turned, the world spun slowly around you, and he caught himself thinking, if i could freeze this moment, if i could stay here forever, i would. i would in a heartbeat.
.
.
.
it was always natural for him and you to talk about everything and nothing. that was the thing about the two of youâ conversation had always been easy, had always flowed like water, finding its way into every corner and crevice. you talked about classes, about professors who were terrible and professors who were surprisingly good. you talked about movies youâd seen, books youâd read, music youâd been listening to. you talked about the park itselfâthe way the light hit the rides, the best place to watch the crowd, the ridiculous prices of everything.
âfive dollars for a bottle of water,â you said, holding up your latest purchase. âthatâs criminal.â
âcapitalism,â he said sagely. âthe real villain of our time.â
âyou say that while wearing designer sunglasses.â
âthese are vintage.â
âtheyâre from last season.â
âvintage is a state of mind.â
you laughed quietly, shoving him in the shoulder. he watched you take a sip of your overpriced water and he thought about how easy this was. why did it feel like an ending?
you talked about memories, too. old ones, the kind that came up when you spent enough time together, the shared history that no one else could touch. the time youâd both gotten locked out of the apartment and had to climb through the window. the time heâd tried to cook dinner and set off the fire alarm and youâd both eaten burnt pasta on the floor of the kitchen, laughing hysterically. the time youâd stayed up all night studying for an exam you both ended up failing because the professor was an asshole, and the way youâd looked at each other the next morning, bleary-eyed and defeated, and somehow started laughing.
âwe were such disasters,â you said, leaning against a railing, looking out at the park.
âwe are disasters,â he corrected. âwe just have better lighting now.â
you smiled. he smiles back.
âdo you ever think about that?â you asked, your voice was softer now, more thoughtful. âhow we met?â
âall the time,â he said.
you glanced at him, surprised. âreally?â
âreally.â he leaned against the railing next to you, close enough that your shoulders almost touched. âyou were standing against the wall, trying to disappear. and i thoughtââ he stopped, remembering. âi need to save her from dying of anxiety.â
you were quiet for a moment. âis that why you talked to me?â
âmaybe. or maybe i just thought you were interesting.â he bumped your shoulder with his. âstill do, by the way. just so you know.â
you looked at him, your eyes full of emotion that made his chest tight. âsatoruââ
âdonât get emotional, sweetheart,â he said quickly, because he couldnât handle whatever was coming next, âi have a reputation to maintain.â
you laughed wetly. the moment passed. he told himself that was for the best.
the afternoon bled into evening, the light shifting from gold to amber to the soft, hazy blue of late afternoon. satoru and you been at the park for hours, had ridden most of the rides, eaten more than was reasonable, accumulated a small collection of prizes from games youâd playedâ a stuffed bear that was slightly lopsided, a keychain that glowed in the dark, a cheap plastic ring that youâd put on your finger and hadnât taken off.
satoru had been watching the sky for the last hour, tracking the sunâs descent, waiting for the moment. heâd planned this part carefully, had checked the sunset time, had figured out the best place in the park to watch it. the ferris wheel. it was obvious, maybe, but that was the point. it was the kind of thing that felt like a movie, that would be romantic if it were anyone else, but it had to be just two friends watching the sunset. nothing more than that.
âcome on,â he said, tugging on your hand. âone more ride.â
you were looking at the ferris wheel, your expression shifting as you registered what he was suggesting. âthe ferris wheel?â
âthe ferris wheel.â he was already pulling you toward the line, not giving you time to argue. âitâs the best view in the park. you can see the whole city from the top.â
âitâs going to be a long lineââ
âitâs fine. we have time.â
you looked at him exasperatedly, he could see you trying to figure out what he was doing, why he was so insistent, but you didnât argue. you let him pull you into line, and you stood close together as the queue slowly moved forward, and he tried not to think about the way your arm pressed against his.
the line moved faster than he expected. before he was ready, they were at the front, and the attendant was gesturing them into a car, and he was climbing in after you, the door closing behind them with a soft click.
the car swayed slightly as it began to move, and you let out a small gasp, grabbing onto the rail. he laughed. âscared of heights? you never told me you were scared of heights.â
âiâm not scared,â you said, but your grip on the rail said otherwise. âi just donât like the swaying.â
âitâs supposed to sway. itâs part of the experience.â
âa terrible part of the experience.â
he grinned, settling back against the seat, watching you. the inside of the cabin was small, it forced closeness. your knees were almost touching. if he reached out, he could touch your face, your hair, your hand. he kept his hands firmly in his lap and he looked out at the park shrinking beneath them. satoru told himself to breathe.
the car rose slowly, steadily, each rotation bringing them higher. the park spread out below them like a map, the lights beginning to flicker on, the crowd reduced to tiny figures moving between the attractions. and beyond the park, the city, sprawling toward the horizon, buildings catching the last of the sunâs light.
âoh,â you said softly, causing him to he look at you. you were watching the view, your face soft, your lips slightly parted. âitâs so pretty.â
he looked out at the sunset. it was, objectively, beautiful. the sky was a gradient of colorsâ pink and orange and purple, bleeding into each other, the sun a perfect disc of gold balanced on the edge of the world. the sunset that made people stop and stare, the kind that felt like it was put there just for you.
but now he wasnât looking at the sunset. he was looking at you.
the light caught your face, painted you in gold and rose, turned you into something that made his breath catch. your eyes were bright, reflecting the colors of the sky, and there was a small smile on your lips, and you were so beautiful that it hurt. it physically hurt, a tightness in his chest, a pressure behind his ribs, something that felt like joy and terror and longing all tangled together.
you were the prettiest thing heâd ever seen.
not just now, in this light, on this ferris wheel. always. every day, in every moment, in every version of you that existed.
you were the prettiest thing heâd ever seen and he couldnât tell you. he couldnât say it, couldnât let the words out, couldnât let you see what was written all over his face. so he didnât. he sat there, in the swaying car, and he watched the sunset paint you gold, and he held the words in his chest like a secret.
âitâs beautiful,â you said again as you turned to look at him. he was caught, and he knew you could see it, could see everything heâd been trying to hide.
âyeah,â he said. his voice came out rough, scraped raw. âbeautiful.â
you were looking at him too. for a moment he let himself believe that the expression on your face was something more than friendship, something more than the easy affection youâd always had.
but then the car reached the top, paused, and started its slow descent, and you looked away, back at the sunset, and the moment was gone.
he let it go again. he had to.
the ride down was quiet. not uncomfortable, but charged, the air between them heavy with something neither of them was saying. he watched you out of the corner of his eye, watched the way you traced patterns on the railing, the way your fingers touched the cheap plastic ring youâd won, the way your breath fogged the glass when you leaned close.
when the car reached the bottom, the attendant opened the door, you climbed out first, and he followed. the spell was broken.
you stood for a moment at the base of the ferris wheel, the lights of the park bright around you, the last traces of sunset fading to deep blue. you were looking up at the wheel, your expression unreadable.
âthank you,â you said, your voice soft. âfor today. i⌠i needed this.â
he wanted to say something. he wanted to say me too. he wanted to say i need you, iâve always needed you, i donât know how to be without you. he wanted to say please donât go back to him, please stay here with me, please see me the way i see you.
but he didnât. he smiled, which was easier than it should have been, this mask heâd been wearing for years. âanytime. you know that.â
you looked at him for a long moment and then you smiled. it was the same smile youâd always had, that made him feel like maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.
âcome on,â he said, bumping your shoulder with his. âletâs get out of here. iâm freezing.â
you laughed, the sound of it wrapping around him, warm and familiar. âyouâre always freezing.â
âi run cold. itâs a medical condition.â
âitâs not a medical condition, you just donât wear enough layers.â
âtomato, tomato.â
you shook your head, but you were still smiling, when he fell into step beside you, you didnât move away. you walked close enough that your shoulders brushed, close enough that he could feel the warmth of you through his jacket.
he didnât look back at the ferris wheel. the image was already burned into his memoryâ you, painted in gold, the sunset behind you, the most beautiful thing heâd ever seen.
heâd carry that with him, heâd carry it for as long as he could, and when the ache in his chest got too heavy, when the weight of everything he couldnât say pressed down on him, heâd pull it out and look at it and remind himself that for one moment, at the top of a ferris wheel, you were his. even if you didnât know it. even if you never would.
it was enough. it had to be.
things were, against all odds, going well. that was the thought that kept circling in your head as you walked home from class one afternoon, the autumn air crisp and clean, your scarf wrapped tight around your neck. things were going well. you were spending time with suguru, hopefully building something solid between him and you. and you were spending time with satoru again, too, in a way that felt almost like before, like the strange distance that had crept in between you had been bridged.
you werenât sure exactly when that had happened. maybe it was the amusement park, the way heâd planned the whole day, the way heâd taken care of you. maybe it was the way heâd started texting you again, the stupid memes and the late-night check-ins and the you up? messages that made you smile even when you were trying to sleep. maybe it was just time, the slow reclamation of something that had always been yours, the way you found yourself gravitating back toward each other like planets in orbit.
whatever it was, it was good. it was so, so good.
there was, however, the matter of yuki.
the breakup had been⌠abrupt. that was the word youâd settled on, after turning it over in your mind for the better part of a week. abrupt. youâd come home from a study session at the library to find the apartment door slightly ajar, which was unusual because satoru was a little paranoid about locking doors. youâd pushed the door open slowly, already reaching for your phone in case something was wrong, and then youâd heard voices.
satoruâs voice, low and tight; you recognised it as the tone he used when he was trying to keep his temper in check. and yukiâs voice, higher, sharper, the words spilling out too fast to catch at first.
youâd frozen in the doorway, caught between the instinct to leave and the realization that theyâd probably already heard you. and then yuki had come storming out of the living room, her face blotched red, her eyes wet, and sheâd stopped when she saw you.
for a moment, neither of you said anything. youâd only met her a handful of timesâ the double date, a party, a brief encounter on campusâ and you didnât know her, not really. but in that moment, looking at her face, you saw something that made your stomach clench. it looked like sheâd figured something out that youâd been trying to hide for years.
âyou,â sheâd said, her voice thick with tears but the hatred underneath it made you take a step back. âyouâre the reason.â
youâd opened your mouth to say somethingâwhat, you didnât know, maybe i donât know what youâre talking about or iâm sorry or what happened?â but she was already moving, pushing past you, gone. the door slammed behind her, and you were left standing in the hallway, your heart beating too fast, your hands cold.
youâd found satoru in the living room, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. heâd looked up when you walked in, and for a moment, his face was completely open, completely raw, and youâd seen grief, maybe, or exhaustion, or relief there that made your chest ache.
âhey,â heâd said, his voice rough. âyouâre home early.â
âare you okay?â youâd asked.
heâd smiled a smile that didnât reach his eyes. âyeah. iâm fine. we justâit wasnât working. you know how it is.â
you didnât, actually. you didnât know how it was to break up with someone because you couldnât make yourself feel something that wasnât there. you didnât know how it was to go through person after person, searching for something you couldnât name. but you nodded anyway, because that was what he needed.
you sat down next to him on the couch and let him lean his weight against your shoulder, and you didnât ask any of the questions that were crowding your throat.
you didnât ask why yuki had looked at you like that. you didnât ask what she meant by youâre the reason. you didnât ask if there was something he wasnât telling you.
you just sat there, in the quiet of your apartment, and let him be.
[ an. do tell what you think of this and reblog pls!! the second part will be posted tomorrow or the day after tomorrow depending on how much of it i edit ]
đŠđđ˘đŤđ˘đ§đ : satoru gojo x female reader.
đ đđ§đŤđ: smut. angst. fluff. formula 1 au.
đđđ đŹ/đ°đđŤđ§đ˘đ§đ đŹ: racer gojo/f1 gojo x racer reader/f1 reader. nsfw content. rivals to lovers. toxicity. misogynistic/sexist themes. jealousy. suggestive themes. explicit language. alcohol usage. possessiveness. mentions of restrictive eating. mentions of death. themes of child neglect/child exploitation.
đŹđ˛đ§đ¨đŠđŹđ˘đŹ: a twenty-one year old american rookie in ferrari red was never supposed to exist. especially not beside satoru gojo, the teamâs beloved golden boy. one brutal race and one mistake later, their rivalry turns intoxicating and impossible to ignore.
no because nobody understands how hard it was to find x reader fics of anyone in the gaang or atla fandom in general before this movie came out. now thereâs new fics coming out daily. I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THISâźď¸
ę° masterlist ⢠dc ⢠david corenswet ⢠09/26/25 ęą gif - @/corensweat
á°.á key: A- angst I F- fluff I S- smut I C- comfort I HC- hurt/comfort
â go save the world, iâll be around ââ @honeypiehotchner I A + F
You and Clark are childhood best friends, growing up just across the field from one another. When he moves to Metropolis and announces himself as Superman, it causes a rift so large that you aren't sure you'll ever cross it. Until Superman comes home, sick and out of his mind, and only two things can help: sunlight and you.
â you hide your injuries from him ââ @staseras I A + F
youâve been asking your boyfriend to take down a bookshelf for months, but every time he gets to it, something comes up and the world needs your boyfriend. you decide enough is enough, so you decide to do it yourself. itâs going well until you fall and get hurt, and you hide the injuries from him because you donât want to worry him. he finds out anyway.
â office gossip ââ @blank-potato I S
You have a big crush on Superman, and the whole office knows it, especially Clark. When you can't seem to stop thinking about him or talking about him, it has you asking yourself (and the office): Is Superman good in bed?
â thatâs so clark kent ââ @/blank-potato I F + S
â clark is jealous of himself? ââ @glassmermaids I F
â blister in the sun pt2 ââ @moonlight-prose I F + A
the daily planet was the home of gods in a city you never thought might see your presence. a newspaper that won awards, that held the hearts and minds of the best and brightest to exist. yet your boss handed over a job that only a reporter from gotham could do.
â broken down and hungry for your love ââ @/moonlight-prose I F
a conversation leads to kissing him on his couch until oxygen becomes secondary.
â everything is meant to be broken ââ @/moonlight-prose I A + S
there would be no world in which you could live without him. no future where he could exist without you. the both of you were intrinsically tethered. and you found that finding yourself beneath him in his bed was inevitable.
â stupid glasses ââ @snooperzz I F
She hadnât found out the way that he wanted. Not that he ever really had a plan, but he certainly hadnât meant for it to happen like this.
â the dint ââ @imagines-all-day-everyday I F
when clark kent stumbles into a 24 hour vet clinic with his unconscious side-kick, the last thing he expects to find is maybe the only person in metropolis who can handle krypto. Itâs an extra bonus that sheâs beautiful too.
â 12 to 12 ââ @/imagines-all-day-everday I A + F + ~S
clark forces himself to go to a work party with only one purpose - to find you in the crowd. he has no idea if you want to be found or want to avoid him at all costs. the only problem is, neither do you.
â the mystery of love ââ @rosesaints I F + S
4 times he showed you he loves you + 1 time he says it
â knowing clarkâs coffee order ââ @/rosesaints I F
clark's no stranger to doing the grunt work around the daily planet.
â iâll crawl home to her ââ @se7entyrell I F
You and Clark just got married four months ago. That's barely enough time to settle into the house, and your new life. So when you take a pregnancy test in solidarity with your friend, the last thing you're expecting is a positive.
â put you in a bodybag or in my bed ââ @bodhiscurls I A + F
clark kent is your mortal enemy; it's been a constant battle between who's going to get front page privileges and clark always manages to top you with superman. when you both get a little too drunk and repressed feelings rush to the surface- surely it can't be real? how could it be real when you wake up naked in his bed, unsure of how you ended up there? when you've accidentally sent the department the doc you made in a rage listing all the reasons you hate clark kent? it can't be real so why does it hurt so much when he calls it quits- when you cry to superman of all people- when everywhere you go reminds you of him?
â cause i can see you ââ @myladybelle I F
itâs been a couple months since you started working at the daily planet, and youâre beginning to suspect that your awkward, mild-mannered coworker might be hiding a much bigger secret than his crush on you
â just a super dog ââ @idk-imjustanerd I F
Clark is trying to get Krypto acclimated to city life when you unexpectedly knock on his door.
â enough for you ââ @teascorner I A + C
Plagued by insecurities, you can't imagine that Clark Kent would ever return your feelings. After weeks of pining, weeks of feeling your heart break more and more, it all comes to a fever pitch. Can you and Clark work it out?
â purpose ââ @wwinterwitch I F
you get back from work to find clark preparing a little surprise for you
â virgin!clark ââ @audreyownsdiamonds I F
making out with you for the first time
â bury the lede ââ @levanswrites I A + F + S
clark kent runs on compassion the way most reporters run on espresso. he is, by all observable metrics, the most principled man you know. so when your hard-won article gets pulled without explanation, the softest man in metropolis is suddenly ready to raise quiet, righteous hell. because when somethingâs wrong, he never lets it slideâespecially when it comes to you.
â i can see you ââ @stargazsblog I F
you and clark have been secretly dating for three months. no touching, barley talking at work. so why does it feel like everyone knows?
â companion ââ @murdockparker I F
You were an adult, with adult money. You can buy things that bring you joy! Hopefully your boyfriend never finds out about it.
â theory of goodness pt13 pt14 pt15 ââ @messylxve I F + HC
â mornings with you ââ @writing-for-marvel I F + S
The morning after your first night together, Clark still canât get enough of you.
â i never was the good samaritan ââ @supershit-hits I A + F
a stupid bet between two coworkers with allegedly opposite morals. if allâs fair in love, war, and corporate life, then whoâs willing to be kinder for a month?
â the tantrums and the chilling chats, i promise ââ @/supershit-hits I A + F + C
clark takes a picture of you and it leads you to spiral. the last thing you want is for him to see you crashing out, but heâs determined to be by your side no matter what.
â villian!reader pt2 pt3 ââ @maiamore I S
clark meets another super, who he can fuck the way he really wants to.
â metahuman-telepathic!reader pt2 ââ @/maiamore I S
Clark has to enlist the help of his metahuman ex for an interview.
â please? ââ @/maiamore I S
Jealous!Clark Kent finds his mutant!telepath ex on a date.
â girl next door ââ @/maiamore I S
Clark takes care of his neighbour.
â manchild! pt2 ââ @/maiamore I F
Clark saves the life of one of Lex Luthor's lab techs â but doesn't realise what he does cost her everything.
â the âyesâ list ââ @/maiamore I S
You get to fulfil your 'to-fuck' list with Superman.
â killshot ââ @/maiamore I S
Clark Kent scores an interview with Bruce Wayne's infamous sister â you. Except you don't make it easy for him.
â to good for me ââ @lomlsatoru I A + F
everytime you remember your life, clark is always there, and now after everything came crashing down, clark thinks he has loved you from the very start.
â blurb ââ @daenysx I F
you wash clark's hair and praise him until he turns red
â all pent up pt2 ââ @honeybunnyale I A + F + S
Clark has been utterly perfect, smart, kind, cute and witty. But a woman has needs and doubts were starting to lead you to a detrimental decision. A breakup. But this Clark guy shows you that he fucks hard and checks all of your boxes.
â the way he waits for you ââ @danitcx I F
Youâve always been shy. Quiet. Invisible, even. But working at the Daily Planet gave you a badge, a desk⌠and a seat across from Clark Kent. What starts as silent glances and white chocolate donuts turns into a walk, a bar, a moment âwhere maybe, just maybe, your heart begins to hope he sees you too.
â sue me ââ @fatherjohnmistake I A + F + S
after a nasty breakup, you find your name plastered on the front page of the daily planet, courtesy of no other than your ex, clark kent.
â leftover frosting ââ @navybrat817 I S
Clark bakes you a cake and has a plan for the leftover frosting
â undress ââ @/navybrat817 I ~S
You put on a little show for Clark.
â 10 things you hate about clark kent ââ @bitterballad I S
You had just moved to Metropolis from Gotham after quitting the Gotham Gazette. You thought it would be a breeze. But there's 10 things about your coworker that irk you more than you ever thought.
â just clark ââ @larkandpen I F
You live in the same building as Clark Kent. You think heâs sweet but awkward, he carries your bags, helps you build things, fixes issues in your apartment. You joke heâs âlike a superheroâ for doing the chores your ex never did, and he panics and runs off
â best to you ââ @sunsburns I F + C
clark loves being superman, though he can be away for hours and sometimes days on end. you tend to miss him more than you admit, and you find comfort in wearing his clothes and... his spare superman suits.
â baby, itâs just you ââ @eupheme I S
the suit stays on
â clarkâs super secret ââ @celestiababie I F
In which Clark Kent has to face the truth if he wants to get a good night's sleep...
â heartbeat ââ @maikorian I A
clark adores the little thing about you, now he'll never get to experience them again.
â superbanned ââ @arkofangels I S
After one too many, ahem, âincidents,â the Justice Gang slaps Clark Kent with a temporary sex ban. He promises to behaveâuntil one look and a little teasing from you has him breaking every rule he promised to keep.
â kanas anymore pt3 ââ @junleb I F + A
you're bruce wayne's date to a gala and clark starts feeling under the weather
â the one with the broken printer ââ @heartburriedinvenice I F
the five times in which clark made your head spin and the one time you finally got him back. and it all started with a broken printer.
â super shy ââ @fhrlclln I F
in which youâre trying your best to tell him you like him in your own quiet and shy way but clark kent is an oblivious fool when it comes to these things.
â adrenaline junkie!reader ââ @hexedlover I F
â hardly discreet ââ @hearts4hughes I A + F
â drabble ââ @souliloqui I F
you'd like to hear clark curse.
â drabble ââ @/souliloqui I F
you meet krypto
â drabble ââ @/souliloqui I A
you find out clark's secret.
â drabble ââ @/souliloqui I F + A
a building falls with you beneath it. superman calls out your name despite never having met you.
â drabble ââ @laceyfaeryy I S
clark kent is a big titty lover
â superman and ultraman ââ @idksmtms I A? + C
â 4 + 1 ââ @beentainted I F + S
four times clark kent almost said he loved you, and the one he actually did.
â front page ââ @yasministration I F
clark doesn't care about anyone's opinion more than yours, so when you flick over to the crossword puzzle without telling him what you thought of his article, he worries for a minute.
â a cozy interview ââ @/yasministration I F
when superman is married to an award winning actress and filmmaker, it's no surprise to see him crashing her interviews, and despite keeping his identity a secret, he doesn't keep his affection for his wife a secret. if anything, he flaunts it.
â iâve got a crush on you ââ @coquettefrancaise I F
oblivious to your coworker, Clark Kent's, obvious feelings towards you, you spiral in self-pity when he brings you flowers and you chalk it up to him being a good friend
â tolerate clark, ignore superman ââ @catbayunthestoryteller I F
â shy!reader ââ @inkdrinkerworld I F
â request ââ @/inkdrinkerworld I F
â drabble ââ @corensology I S
clark eating reader out
â mr. superman for the ladies ââ @vitoriadior I F
Where you, preschool teacher, get the incredible Superman (aka your boyfriend) to come to your classroom for Jobs and Careers Day.
he calls himself a god. you know heâs a monster.
married to the most volatile man in the Seven Kingdoms, you have committed the ultimate sin: being too human for a dragonâs blood. now, you must find a way to be useful to the cruel prince, or risk a war that will leave the kingdom in ashes.
summary: after picking you up from your failed date, seeing your eyes red rimmed and cheeks tear stained, Bucky canât help but let everything heâs been holding back from you go.
warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut & fluff, crying, being stood up, dating apps, self-deprecation, texting & phone calls, reader uses sarcasm to deflect, sexual jokes, petnames (sweetheart, sweet girl, babyâŚ), whipped!bucky, making out, kitchen to the bed, dirty talk, oral (f!rec), fingering, unprotected pinv, creampie, missionary, sebâs tongue thing (and his face scrunch), (failed) riding, subspace, cocky!bucky, (soft)dom!bucky, multiple orgasms (like three), multiple positions (like two), slight cockwarming, MAAAD BDB (bucky's got a big dick and he knows it) . . . - (wc: 7.7k)
a/n: THANK YOU TO THIS ANON ASK !!!! in my brain, 'bestfriend' automatically turns into 'college!bucky' but really, you can imagine however you like lol <3 (he is broke tho so.) im so sorry this is late, fhsdufghfsf i didnt think this would turn into a 7k word porno lmfao
masterlist || navigation
â´ď¸ reader is mentioned to have hair, and wears a dress, heels and make-up at the beginning. bucky also carries reader from kitchen to bed. (readers favourite movie is also Almost Famous here, why? because im self indulgent and it's a good movie.)
â´ď¸ it's mentioned that bucky lives in an apartment with steve, unrelated to the plot, just mentioned (as well as a couple mentions of steve/nat. also alpine is mentioned once !!)
â´ď¸ if i'm missing any tags please kindly let me know !!
The restaraunt still hums behind you, bustling with couples and soft, orange lighting, perfect for the night's celebrations, all the while you stand under the tiny awning trying to keep dry, arms clinging around your chest in an attempt to retain as much heat in as possible. Your hands balled into fists, one clutched your purse beneath your bicep, and the other holds your heels, feet soaked and numb, two-stepping with desperation.
You whine softly under your breath as the rain keeps pouring, sputtering against the covering and pavement, teeth chattering, chest heaving with a mix of anger and distress.
He didn't show.
After months of talking, of smiley faces and hearts sent at ungodly hours of the night, praise exclaimed with a smile on your face to friends, and a reservation you had made a week in advance, waiting for any sign to come through after an hour of waiting with a bouncy knee and chewed up lip, your chest caved inwards as a new story was posted on his account fifteen minutes ago, and your messages were simply left on read.
Calling him, demanding an explination, was pointless. It's too late to care, even as the rage boils up, heating up your stomach and shoulders, it all fizzles as exhaustion wipes over your body.
Useless. All of your attempts, the kind words that slipped from your lips about him, the reservation, the dress you kept stashed in the back of your closet, the heels you wore for special occasions, the make-up and hair you spent hours on; it was all for nothing. And now, standing pathetically outside the building, curled into yourself, you felt utterly useless.
Sniffling, you unlock your phone and, like muscle memory, find the familiar contact. Bucky. Humour is all you could ever conjure up when times felt difficult for you, even if he, your best friend, would tilt his head and eye you disapprovingly. Never malicious, his smirk would ghost his lips ever so slightly, nudging at your elbow with his own, but it's enough to get you to stop being so hard on yourself.
But tonight. You cant help but believe you deserve it.
you: the spinster life is really calling for me
bucky: you okay??
you: tbh not really lol
is it okay if you could possibly pick me up?
sorry if ur busy i can call an uber
Just as you clicked the little blue arrow to send the last message, Bucky's picture flooded the screen like a lifeline, and by the first buzz you were picking up.
"Heyâ"
"What happened?" His voice, though crackly and muffled, eased your chest. Tone firm, curious, you can almost hear the crease between his brow.
"Hello to you too," you attempt to deflect with sarcasm, huffing a shitty attempt of a laugh and scratching your nose after a couple seconds of gruelling silence, you sighed. "I got stood up."
"Shit, i'm sorry, sweetheart."
"Not even the worst part," this time you laugh for real, "sent him some messages, turns out he's out at some party tonight, and this fucker had the nerve to leave me on read. And I stayed in the restaurant for an hour, Bucky! An hour!"
"You still at the restaurant?"
"Outside, yeah. They gave me that pitiful look, but they gave me some free bread." You hear him suck in a heavy breath, sucking his teeth like a wince, through the phone. You know the bread is already free, but its the thought that counts, right?
"You under a cover? Or at least have some kinda shelter?" You listen as he tugs on his sneakers with a huff.
"I'm under the awning but im absolutely soaked and not in the way I hoped, so," you snort weakly, "we're both pretty useless tonight."
Hesitating his movements, he tuts, brow furrowing into a scowl. "Don't say that."
"The wet part or the useless part?"
"The useless part," dragging a hand down his face, Bucky winces. "Look, i'll be there in ten, try not to freeze for me, 'kay?"
"Thank you, Bucky, seriously."
"Don't even, i'd do anything for you."
"Shut up."
He hums over the phone, "it's true."
"Sap."
"i can take the long way and make you wait another twentyâ"
âYou wouldnât dare, James,â youâre sure he can hear your smile through the receiver. With a sigh you flex your fingers in and out, trying to relieve them of the cold numbness. âPlus my hands are going numb, and I kinda desperately need them.â you joke, sniffling. âYou on your way?â
A car door slams, âJust got in,â his seatbelt clicks and engine revs, âyou wanna stay on call or should i leave you to your thoughts.â
Tipping your head back against the brick wall, you let out a heavy sigh.âIâll be fine with my thoughts. Gotta make sure the whole storyâs straight before I give you a migraine.â
You both snicker on each end, a rustle coming through his own as he wipes his hand over his cheek and through his hair. You both stay in a few seconds of relaxed silence, warmth already seeping through your joints as you clear your throat, toeing at a pebble. "Thanks, Buck."
"I'll see you in a bit, sweetheart."
It takes six minutes before you see headlights pool against the asphalt. Tyers squeak as he haults to a stop and Bucky hops out, tugging off his jacket and sliding it over your shoulders despite your protests, making sure to flip the hood up over your head and zip it up. He guides you towards the passenger side with a palm against your lower back without a second thought. He opens the door for you, giving you a clumsy smile as you squint playfully his way.
The instant heat from the A/C hits your cheeks immediately. You groan, clicking your seatbelt in place, before holding your hands out to the heat, using the sleeves of Bucky's hoodie like kindling. It feels like you can finally breathe again.
âYours or mine?â He asks, shuffling into the drivers seat, shaking his wet hair like a shaggy dog, and tugging his seatbelt on.
âYours,â You reply, unsteady and croaky. âI donât really wanna be alone tonight.â
Bucky nods as he drives off, âWell, lucky for you, Steve is out with Nat, and I was gonna order some takeout and watch a movie,â he adds softly, âalso, you didnât actually have a choice, you were coming to my place either way.â
Letting out a laugh, your body shifts in his presence. "Better than some pity bread and 27 Dresses."
Years of friendship, odd talks and questions while walking around town at ungodly hours of the night, tipsy confessions at parties in the host's bathtub, and the closeness the two of you built, it all eases the pain and misery like balm on a wound.
"So. Talk to me." His gaze flickers over to your slumped figure. Tired eyes, damp dress, hands held outwards while you pulse your fingers to get the blood bumping.
A tired noise escapes your mouth, what was supposed to be a simple sigh, now opened the dam to the waterworks, as hard as you tried to supress the tears. You breathed in and out, counted, and Bucky kept driving, his jaw locked and tense, eyes flickering between you and the road as you as your lip trembled and eyes glossed over with unshed tears. It isn't until his hand rests on your thigh, just above your knee, giving it an assuring squeeze, does your mouth finally run. Stomach twisting with a warmth you didn't want to acknowledge.
"I don't even know why I try," you whisper, voice wavering, swallowing thickly. "I mean, the reservation was for seven, I got there at six-fifty," sinking backwards into the seat, you cross your arms, fiddling at the drawstrings. You laugh humourlessly, "I checked my phone like a dumbass every five minutes."
Bucky's hand presses your knee again, thumb caressing your skin in reassurance, humming and nodding you on.
"I waited for so long, waiters would come by asking when he would show, but I saw the looks on their faces when they turned around. After like an hour, I saw that fucking story and IâŚ" Sighing and shrugging, you barely notice the warm tears streaking down your cheeks. "I don't know why I keep finding guys like that⌠I feel so stupid."
"You're not stupid."
"I sat there and waited for an hour." You replied monotonously.
His chest puffs, a laugh spilling from his lungs, incredulously. Lips parting, the hand that sat snug against your thigh now wiping over his face in disbelief, and you shiver at the loss. "Why?"
"I thought, cus' it was raining a-and it's valentines, it was busy, there was no parking or something," you gulp thickly, "orâŚhe couldn't find the place â thought if I left, he'd turn up and think I bailed," hiding your face in your hands, you inhale shakily, letting the scent of Bucky invade your senses, "It was our first date, I didn't want to just give up so fast."
The car rolls to a stop, yet Bucky doesn't cut the engine, letting the heaters run just a little longer. He rubs his hands down the thighs of his jeans, exhaling a sharp breathe before turning to you. "The right guy wouldn't just leave you sitting there wondering or waiting for a whole hour. He'd make sure you never had to second guess yourself. He'd show up,"
You stare blankly at your hands in your lap, picking at your cuticles while you listen to him.
Bucky's hand grips your shoulder, "You're too sweet for your own good, y'know that?"
A small simper eases on your face, chuckling under your breath. "So i've been told." You catch his eyes, staring at you with the kind of intensity that makes your stomach flip, reciprocating the smile. The action hits your chest, a full bullseye straight into the heart that makes your ribs shiver and lip wobble.
"I just don't understand," you whisper. "Why do that? Why just waste my time?"
"Because he's a coward," he remarks immediately, catching you off guard. Whipping your head back to look at him, his eyes still latch onto your face, and his fingers tease the soft hairs at the nape of your neck. Chills errupt down your back. "C'mon, lets get you dried up. I'll order pizza."
"Buckyâ"
Before you could protest, he's already retrieving his keys and shuffling out. "Nope, don't even. It's valentines and you deserve to be treated right," he adds in a murmur, "even if it's by a broke guy with takeout and a DVD."
The apartment isn't messy, but it's never exactly clean. The right amount of chaos that borders on homely, yet very obviously owned by two guys who don't really care enough.
An old leather couch sits against the wall, the couch you helped pick out with Bucky, Steve and Nat at the thrift store, strewn atop were layers of blankets; some woven, some crocheted, all piled like someone had laid among them beforehand, as well as a peaceful ball of white fluff that made herself a cave underneath the ruckus. Posters stuck neatly on the wall where the sofa rest, framed to make the place look decent, and not like the bachelor pad it absolutely is. A coffee table adorned with years of cup stains laid crooked, Steve's abandoned laptop sat shut, along with a candle you bought as a sarcastic house-warming gift, remotes and controllers.
Physical media stayed stored meticulously. DVDs and games stayed hidden beneath the TV cabinet, and CDs the roomie's shared were lined up on shelves.
It's your second home. You love it.
You jump a little as Bucky rubs your biceps, easing heat into your skin with his hoodie. "Let's go to my room, i'll get you some new clothes." he mumbles, using his hold to stir you down the hall.
His room captured his essance and charm. Nerdy, boyish, you often teased him for the 'indie sleaze' vibe that exudes from the place, but he never denied.
The little things had their order; books and CDs alphabetised were always alphabetised, though band and movie posters stuck against all four walls in no particular order, or care, but it fit too well. His bed was made, yellow and green tartan, and a messily made blanket you'd crochet after 'buying too much yarn' and 'needing a new project'. Bucky had staked claim over it at your place, always wrapping it up and over his head or using it for naps, so ultimately, you decided to bring it over one night.
You can't help the smile that seeps into your features. A little bit of you in Bucky's room.
As you stare like you haven't been in this exact spot since the moment he had moved in, he rummages through his closet, humming to himself. Gentle tunes and clicks of his tongue.
"This shirt and," he drawls, hand stretched out to pass the item â a stretched out henley he only wears on laundry days or as a sleep shirt â while he sticks his other hand in his drawer, tongue out and eyes squinted before pulling out some sweatpants and socks.
"These," he grunts as he stands, extending the clothes out.
"You can get changed in here, just put your laundry in the basket, I can do it later," he inhales sharply. You nod, whispering a soft thanks as he ducks his head down, hands stuffed into his pockets as he makes his way to the door. "I'll make some tea. That sound okay?"
You smile, "perfect," the word catches in your throat, "thanks again, Buck, reallyâ"
He cuts you off with a straightened palm and a toothy smile, "It's nothing. You know i'd do this for you in a heartbeat," he scratches his neck while silence envelops you. Warm, syrupy, like a heavy blanket wrapped around the two of you in the dead of winter. "I'll be in the kitchen."
As the door clicks shut, your lungs deflate, only to fill with the pure scent of Bucky like your body runs on him.
Heart thumping against your chest, one thought plagues in your brain as you rid yourself of your clothes.
You need your best friend, and not in the way you'd assumed in the past.
And tonight, you can't help but believe he needs you as well.
His sweatpants droop around your hips a little and his henley sags slightly off one shoulder, baring your collarbone as you shuffle into the kitchen.
Cozy and small, fairy lights strung under the cabinets, washing the room in a soft yellow glow. Dishes stack on the drying rack; plants sit against the windowsill, half dying, yet still holding on; The fridge, covered in reciepts, reminders, stickers and magnets â a small whiteboard reads 'need more groceries.' Followed by, 'get some then??'; Fridge-poetry stuck haphazardly in sentences created during early mornings and toothpaste stained shirts for a half second exhale through the nose; '[women] [make] [awesomest] [world]', '[drunk] [cigarettes] [do] [not] [count]', '[your] [mom]'. It's soft hum plays beneath the tension.
The floor creaks as you make your way, signaling your entry. Buck's eyes flitter up for an instant, only to look up again as you lean against the counter, despite the discomfort as it digs into your waist. He exhales at your presence, bare-faced, having wiped off your make-up in the bathroom, with a shy smile tugging your cheeks.
He's hunched over the worksurface, stirring the bags of chamomile into each respective mug, mismatched. Holding out a cup out to you with a tight lipped smile, your fingers graze as you take the drink, the soft ember that sat in the pit of your stomach since the phone call lit up once again, hitching your breath. Bucky clears his throat, ducking his head to hide the faint blush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
"I got your favourite movie paused in the other room," you hum inquisitively as you press the mug to your lips, sipping softly, letting the warmth seep onto your tastebuds. "Almost Famous."
He keeps stirring the teabag around his cup, evading eye contact. You beam softly at his remembrance. "That's on streaming now?"
Shaking his head, he taps the spoon against the rim and lays it on the surface, facing you fully. "No, I-uh, I got the DVD."
âReally?" He nods, "For me?â
âFor you,â he replies immediately. Then, quieter, âSo youâd have it here.â
Your throat tightens. Holding the ceramic against your mouth, your arm comes up to cross over your chest.
He lifts the tea to his lips but doesnât drink, letting the scent ease his mind. He sighs, approaching warily before he asks, â⌠Can I ask?â
You nod once and his cup clicks against the countertop, "why do you keep choosing the most emotionally unavailable guys?"
You snort, "straight to the point."
"I'm serious."
Leaning against the edge of the counter, inhaling deeply. The scent of the tea and Bucky lingers in the air. His cologne, the one you helped him pick out last spring; bergamot, with a hint of spice.
You huff as it hits your nose and pools in your stomach, "You're gonna laugh."
"I wont." he replies plainly, arms crossed, lips tight.
You can barely look at him in the eye, voice low and anxious, as if you've never told him your deepest secrets in the dead of night. You set your mug down beside his.
"I think⌠I believe I can fix them," shrugging stiffly, you proceed feebly. "Don't know why. Something dumb inside me thinks I have this power to change them, prove people wrong when they tell me i'm just gonna get my heart broken."
Before you could register, Bucky stood upright. "Sweetheart," his hands hold your shoulders, facing him fully. His thumbs drag softly against your collarbones, barely there touches that tingle too hard and make your heartbeat shudder.
He has this smile on his face, lazy and sweet, the kind he gets after a movie marathon that ends with your head on his shoulder, trying to fight off sleep. A gentle tilt of his lips, and you cant help but stare at how pink they look.
"You dont need to prove people wrong, or fix anyone. At all. Nobody does," his thumbs don't stop their movements, but his hands â his big, warm hands â slowly move upwards. "You, of all people, don't deserve to put all your time and energy on some asshole who won't even think twice about you. 'Fixing' someone isn't your problem, it's not your responsibility, it's theirs."
You gulp, his hands rest against the nape of your neck like they're meant to be there, thumbs against your throat, right where your pulse thumps under his pads. It's his turn to pause, to swallow.
Silence rings thickly through the kitchen.
"Is this okay?"
Without a thought, your own hands slip around his wrists, keeping him in place. "Yeahâ yes."
He nods, looking down at the floor like it had answers. Breathing in deep, expeling with puffed cheeks, he faces you again, whispering, "can I tell you something?"
"Anything." You reply. Your own thumbs graze the silky skin of his inner wrists, a move unconsious, instinctive.
"IâI, Youâ" shaking his head, you smile softly at his flustered expression. He inhales again.
"I've been right here," he confesses, "watching them constantly disappoint you, use you. It makes me want to say, do, something so selfish."
Your breath hitches, hands tighten around his arms. You're so sure he can feel how hard your heart is beating through your neck, how it bumps against the henley against your chest.
"Selfish?" You ask, "how?"
He trails up your neck, tighter than before, a hold that showed protection. Fingers tangling within your locks, unlocking another hitch from your lungs without permission. You only just notice how close you two stand, chests grazing, breath against breath. And his eyes, those gorgeous blues that now sit a deep navy, darker than the deepest waters ready to swallow you up, flitter between your own and your lips.
"By making sure you never second guess yourself," he inches closer, "by giving you what you deserve," dipping down closer, his breath mingles against your slack lips, touching with barely there grazes that make your knees weak. "By letting myself want you out loud."
Neither of you move, letting the air shift heavier than before. The closeness, the contact of your hands on each others skin, the breath skimming lips, it all jumbles into one another, mixing with years of inside jokes, shared playlists and sleepovers, all suddenly rearrange themselves to reveal something hiding beneath a love once disguised as 'friendship'.
His name escapes without permission, your mouth desperate to feel the shape of his name. It tugs at his skin, "I have to show you how much you mean to me, sweetheart."
Your hands find his shirt so naturally. Bucky inhales sharply, like heâs been waiting, like all the restraint he's been holding, keeping in check, can finally overflow.
The kiss is breathless. Deep, certain, clumsy with desperation and unspoken words, your tummy knots with just how sweet it feels to be needed like air.
His hands that tangled into your hair now drag down your torso, steady on your hips, anchoring you as everything from hours before collapses. Mugs sit forgotten as his touch grazes lower and his body turns to pin your back against the counter. The world narrows to heat and breath, the way you hum into his mouth, and the way he murmurs your name like itâs something sacred.
Your body moves on it's own. Legs parting, hands clutching his waist as his tongue swipes your bottom lip, and you accept him like you always have. Bucky slots himself between your thighs, pushing you both closer and closer, and you feel the unmistakable shape of his erection pressing into your hip. You whine in surprise as it drags against you, grabbing his waist, pressing yourself into him. He smirks into the kiss, pulling back an inch, letting the cold tip of his nose skim your cheek.
"I know," he soothes, palming down to your thighs, pressing a soft kiss against your lips, "I know, baby. C'mon, up for me." He lifts you, now sitting atop the surface and he closes the distance like no time passed.
As your hands find refuge in his hair, Bucky fingers the waistband of your sweats, tucking them into the elastic at your lower back, grabbing fistfuls of your flesh, moving your hips into his own until the two of you meet in between with a corse gasp.
"Can I take these off?" He rasps against your cheek, trailing lower with each second, and each ragged exhale that sticks to your sensitive skin. "Talk to me, baby."
"Yes, yes please."
Buck's smile melts into your skin. Pressing open mouthed kisses from your jaw down to your neck, all the while his hands keep tugging the flesh of your ass, each grab becoming needier and harder as he wanders his lips down, licking and sucking. You gasp with each peck, head tipping back in ecstasy, allowing him more freedom against your tendons, grazing his teeth, nipping at your collar, only to sooth with his wet tongue.
The feeling was immeasurable, fingers curling against his soft tufts, tugging him back with a dissipated pop, spit stringing from your neck against his plump lips.
Squeezing, he nuzzles back into your clavicle, "Hips up, there we go."
Hooking your ankles behind his back and hoisting yourself up with your hands pressed against the worktop, he frees your bottom-half, tugging the sweatpants down your legs.
Unlocking your legs from behind, Bucky begins his descent. Lower, shearing over his own shirt, humming into the fabric, pinching with his lips and teeth against the curve of your breasts in worshipful reverence, before following his hands, pushing the pants off your socked feet.
Dabbing chaste kisses to your knees as he presents himself between them, he sits obediently. Palms warm atop your knees, keeping them spread wide, lips and jaw open in soft pants that tickle your inner thighs, and his eyes lock in to the sight of your panty clad core. Black lace. A matching set you kept 'just in case'. You watch him stare from above, hands slightly slipping from sweat, watching him lean in closer to where you ache for him, clutching you wide by the soft skin of your thighs.
Opening you up, he huffs a harsh breath, hot on the dampening cloth.
"Wow," he drags out, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. His thumbs pull you open, tugging each side of your lips against the lace, trapping your clit, stroking your velvety skin up and down. The shock twitches your hips, bucking your knees up, placing one foot on his shoulder, letting the other open wider. "Wore these for, what⌠that guy?"
Warmth blossoms from top to bottom. A new etch of redness soaks your face, as a new wave of arousal paints the lace. The scent of it hits him and his heart rate picks up, cock stiffening against his boxers, sore and craving. You begin to protest, just it's quickly silenced.
"Could've been so lucky," he sucks his teeth, "oh well." Tugging your panties off ardently, he shoves them in his pack pocket. You laugh airily, but it's quickly overthrown by a shocked gasp as his mouth finally dives between your thighs.
One long broad swipe of his tongue, flat against your cunt, collecting your arousal against his taste buds. You call out his name, one hand rakes through the back his head, grounding you, while the other steadies against the counter. Groaning, his lips purse around your clit, suckling the nerve before placing a debauched kiss atop. He pushes spit out his mouth, drooling over your lips and pulling back with a grin.
"Taste better than I imagined," he grunts. Suddenly his thumb swipes over your folds, collecting the dribble falling down, smearing it up, before pressing the pad on your clit. Soft, eager, circles that make your abs clench and jaw drop. Breathy moans and whines fill the quiet of his apartment.
He looks up at you with adoration, "sound better too." He purrs, diving straight back home, nuzzling into your cunt, moving his thumb out of the way to tease your entrance with a finger. His tongue slides through your lips, locking through your arousal, wiping broad licks over your clit. You tip your head back, eyelids fluttering as he spreads you apart.
Heaving, your legs already shake, thighs trembling, pussy pulsing in his hold, while each and every inch of your body erupts with tingles of bliss. His words don't register, can't. Not while your mind and body are too occupied with his dual attack. Tongue swiping over your clit; sucking, spitting, all while he eases his middle finger inside.
"Oh-Oh⌠Fuck!" Your grip tightens on his scalp, eliciting a sudden moan, vibrating right against you and up your spine. Pleasure ruptures inside of you, a bittersweet ache settling in your thighs and lower back, chest heaving as your nipples peak beneath your bra.
"So fuckin' tight, Jesus, sweetheart," he says, lips pressed onto you like he didn't want to leave. A soft laugh eases, puffing air and soft reverberation, your walls cinch around his digit. His free hand pinches at your thigh, dipping into the flesh, holding you wide open for him to explore.
"Gotta to open you up real goodâŚ" He contemplates, finger curling slowly inside of you, instantly grazing your soft spot, making you gasp and hips stutter. "There she is⌠Right there, huh?"
Your hips move on their own vocation as he speeds up his pace, kissing your clit again and again, suctioning onto your bud and laving up your flavour, slurping up your slick straight from the source.
You're too focused on his mouth â the lewd slurps he drags out, collecting your taste like nectar, you're sure the mix of his saliva and your cum now sits in a puddle below you â to notice the second finger easing beside his middle. Only when it eases, when the two start moving in tandem, do you register the fullness. He scissors them, urging you open, curling them as they settle in deep, before retreating back. Bucky keeps up a routine, speeding up as your walls contract and pulse.
"Gonna cum, baby?" He traces, words mumbled on your slick skin. You can barely talk, not with how messy he eats, how he talks with his mouth full, feasting like a starved man, rendering a service only for your pleasure â so you nod fervently, humming out as you do, bottom lip caught between your teeth.
He moves his free hand up, grabbing your ass to pull you closer towards the edge, kneading and rubbing, while his fingers keep petting and stroking your spongy spot. Whines and moans stay locked and murmured behind your clenched teeth as he works you open and towards release.
"Mouth open, wanna hear you cum, wanna know what you sound like," Bucky slurs. Your brain, now turned into mush, complies without protest. Your jaw slacks and lips part in harsh breaths and whines, chest heaving with each sound, giggling at yourself and how good this feels, how good he is.
Your ankles lock up against his back, keeping him trapped between your thighs, and he moans. Pulsing, the sounds you coaxed from him hit you like a train. Muscles tense, walls constrict. You lock up in a silent cry, hips twitching with your throbbing cunt as you release over his fingers. Working you through it, he eases them in time with your ebbing finish. Soft strokes of his fingers, slowly moving out, and leaving your clit with the softest kiss, making you flinch from overstimulation.
Your eyes ease shut for a moment, harsh pants weakening, and one second he's on the floor, the next, your mouth fills with an unfamiliar taste. Salty and sweet, a musk that brings a brand new ache to your still pulsing need between your thighs.
Bucky crosses your legs behind him again, and find themselves on your ass, hoisting you up around him, hard on pressed against your roused pussy, soaking his crotch in your mixed stickiness, making a rumble roll from his chest. His pants are too fucking tight.
"Bed," he breathes on your lips, already down the hall, pushing his door open with his back and kicking it shut. "Wanna do this properly."
He kisses you with severity, a heightened furiosity looms inside his gut. Now he's got a taste of you, now that you marked his mouth and fingers, he can't let go.
Laying you against the sheets of his bed, his lips rest their relentless attack, pulling back to throw his shirt to the floor, revealing his toned midsection. Your eyes follow the trail of hair down from below his navel, and into his waistband. His lips skirt across yours, licking the swell. "Tell me you want this," he whispers, "tell me you want me."
You suck in a breath, "I want you, Bucky," wiggling your hips enough to graze your bare heat against the fabric against his stiff cock. Jaw tight as you buck your hips, hissing through grated teeth, "fuck, I need you."
He stills you, hands wrapped around your pelvis, pushing you into the mattress. "You have all of me, sweetheart," Knees parting your own, widening for him.
His graze moved to your wrists, "need these, baby, desperately need 'em," God, if you knew his dirty talk was this hot, you would've grinded on his lap twelve study sessions ago. Placing your hands to his crotch, you cupped the stiffness, holding him fully within your palm. Heavy was all your brain could conjure while your fingers tentatively and curiously squeezed.
"Take 'em off for me, sweetheartâ that's it, good girl."
Sure, you've been friends for a long while, seeing him in baggy sweats on lazy days, sometimes even noticing the lack of underwear when he does â consequently noticing him pressing against his thigh, or poking out while he walks â but nothing, not even what your imagination would conjure up late at night or while shamefully sneaking glances, would you ever believe what he was carrying around.
"You're staring, sweet girl," his palms tap your cheek gently, just enough to throw you out of your daze, "whats on your mind?"
You swallow, trying to coax any wetness to your drying mouth while your eyes flicker between his soft gaze and dripping cock. Your friend's cock that now sits heavy against his right thigh, bobbing, twitching, drooling, while you watch with parted lips.
"⌠You've been carrying around that thing this entire time?"
"You surprised?"
Your eyes widen a fraction, "I-I mean, Jesus, Bucky."
He hums, smoothing over your cheek, "you can take it, princess, I know you can," he taps again, "on your back, sweetheart, c'mon."
You do as you're told, lying back against his pillows, knees parted and open as he followed suit. Crawling over you, positioning himself on his haunches, and you could feel his bare cock press against your wet heat as he pushes your shirt up your tummy and over the mounds of your breasts, leaving the fabric bunched around your collar.
Bucky stares down in awe, hands dragging up and down your sides, fingertips graze the scratchy cloth where it dips into your flesh. Bottom lip blanching between his teeth, fixed at each bump with blown, dark eyes, unable to comprehend the sight in front of him. He shakes his head, a dumbfounded sound puffs from his nose.
"A matching set," he hums, "God, you sure know how to make a guy happy, huh sweetheart?"
Blushing, you turn away from his sight. Hands rendered useless by your shoulders, and grumble into the sheets below. "Shut up, Buck."
"Something about you in my clothes⌠Under me with my shirt on," he ponders, hands pinching and grabbing at your tits, "you look so fucking beautiful, sweetheart, makes me wanna tear you apart."
A soft plea falls from your lips, a mewl hidden under your breath as he dips his hands beneath the lace and tweaks your nipples that were hidden under your flimsy bra. Your breath comes ragged and uneven, chest caving under his touch while his crotch slots against your own like a puzzle piece. Cock resting over your slick, pushing forward in tiny, subtle ruts forward, his tip laid over your tummy while you coat his shaft and heavy balls with your sticky mess.
"You like that? Want me to split you open? Make you forget everything except my name and how full you feel?" Leaning forward, he rests a hand beside your head, his other stays on your chest, pinching your tit. "Talk to me, baby, tell me what you need."
You whine out, arms slinging over your eyes in a mix of defeat and embarrassment. "I want all of it! I want you, so bad⌠Fuck, Bucky, it hurts," you laugh under your breath, tipping your hips up to try and drag his head into you somehow. You groan at the wet sounds you create, whispers spilling from the loose faucet your mouth turned into, "please, please, pleaseâ"
"Needy thing just begging so good for me," he lifts himself up again, wicked smirk plastered on his face, moving your arms away from your eyes to get a good full look at you. "Don't worry, pretty girl, just let me do all the work. Let me make you feel so good."
His head falls back in a light groan as he reaches between you, holding his cock by the base, swiping up and down your lips to coat himself. Provoking you onward as he slaps his tip on your clit, quick taps quick to sting, making you gasp and twitch, legs falling open wider.
A deep moan resonates through his chest, easing the crown of his cock forward and inside you, watching how your hole swallows him. You choke on a gasp, mouth open as he softly eases his girth with easy jerks until you sheathe him fully.
"Oh fuck." Bucky leans forward, chest to chest, and your hands scramble to touch anything of him, clutching around his back, soothing upwards, until one holds onto his shoulder, and the other claims his hair again. Your lungs stutter with whines, caving in against his weight only to pull him into you tighter, trembling from the big stretch.
Heaven feels like a lost cause now that he finally knows what you feel, taste and sound like. Your walls clench and throb around him, so soft and warm, sliding right in, resistance be damned, the strain soothed with how turned on and ready he got you. He groans a sound deep from his chest, forearms rest beside your head. He tries so hard to keep it together.
Your lips graze his jaw, crawling down his neck with soft nips and kitten licks, washing off his sweat with your tongue. He moans fortuitously, and his hips start to shift. Soft grinds in and out, his sounds stick to your shoulder, ragged breaths and whispered praises into your bones, making you strangle his shaft as he works, pace quickening, wet slaps sound around the room. Pumping into you, he just can't hold it any longer, you make him so greedy and selfish
"Bucky." You sigh, grinding your hips back and forth, matching his pace. Each buck has his tip sliding through your wet inside, so tight, he keens as you throb.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Sitting upright, back on his heels, Bucky pulls you towards his thrusts by your hips, using the momentum to push inside. Pounding into you frenziedly, corse fuzz tickling your clit with each jolt, soft tongue dipping out of his parted lips as he pants from the exertion. "God, you feel amazing."
He smooths a palm on your skin until his thumb skims across your clit again. The overload of pleasure stimulated to your already abused and puffy nerves drives a cry from your throat. Your nails dig into his shoulders, deep crescents marking his flesh for days to come, mouth open, unable to silence the onslaught of wanton moans and sighs that escape as he pierces your cunt over and over, and over again. You both look down your body, watching how he disappears inside, how you grip around his girth, how absolutely soaked his cock is â you both moan at the sight, and Bucky rolls his hips, faster, fucking into you, breath trembling with each thrust.
Throwing your head back and plunges it into the pillow, you moan, and that's when he knows he's found the right spot. He pushes his dick against it, over and over as you tighten furiously, pulsing in time with your rapid heartbeat. Your jaw clenches, unable to voice or warn him of your rapture. Squeezing his cock in a tight, sopping embrace as your eyes shut tight, hands ball into fists beside your head and back arches. Bucky doesn't slow, he doesn't relent, only drags out your orgasm with harder jabs, plunging roughly with a smirk on his face.
The tightness spreads across his pelvis like a wildfire, aching his chest. He curses under his breath while his hips stutter, shaking his head, spraying tiny droplets of sweat across your skin. Involuntarily, you clench again at the stains on your skin.
"Coming on my cock that quick, huh?" He pries breathlessly. Sweat trickles down his temples, dripping onto your belly and chest. Your head wracks with words, only for your mouth to fail you, slurring each sentence into whispers.
Pausing for a split second, he flips you both over, lying on his back and cradling you in his arms, keeping you slumped against his chest with his cock sitting snug and stiff inside.
"One more, sweet girl. I know you can do it." His hands reposition you, folding your knees to bracket his waist, making sure your face rests contented against his collarbone, before smoothing up your back, pacifying you, until a tired confirmation hums out.
"Please," you're liquid in his arms, limbs rendered useless, you sluggishly attempt to wrap your hands around his neck and arch a rhythm back into your aching folds. "Yes, please."
Leaning down, Bucky presses a kiss to your forehead, earning a high pitched hum. His knees prop up, feet plastered onto the sheets below. Big, warm palms now clutch the flesh of your ass as he strains, "Atta girl."
Brutal, swift, splitting. Skin slapping on skin, your wetness spits with each slap given with Buck's hips thrusting up and into you at a tranquillizing pace, frantically boring into you.
You cry out a moan, "Wanna be good for you." The pain of overstimulation mixing with the skin on skin contact and just how perfect he's hitting your spots.
"So fucking good," he replies in a growl, fingers obsessive against your cheeks, holding so tight, squeezing, you're sure to have bruises adorning the flesh by the morning. Head swinging back into the pillow with a snarl, jaw clenching, his hips don't wander off rhythm, holding this searing pleasure as he fucks into your used cunt like a fleshlight. "God, you're so fucking good."
The praise tugs everywhere in your body, pleasure unable to hold back when his encouragements exhales so smoothly from his lips. Your pussy flutters erratically, a fluctuating pattern that spasms harshly with bliss, humming into his neck with each pump his hips drive up into you â orgasm pulling from your depths, washing over you with a shiver, shaking in his hold as he digs inside, dragging it out again, begging you to feel how amazing he makes you feel. Bucky can't care how hard he's thrusting, especially now, as you choke his cock and his balls tighten.
A whine leaves his mouth as he whispers pleas, his thrusts starting to stutter. Red lips, wet with saliva and plump from kisses, part with heaving breaths âhis brow furrows, nose crinkling like an angry kitten.
"Where⌠whereâ"
"InsideâŚ" you beg, nosing into his neck, painting his collar with soft 'please, please, please's, drooling on him slightly.
His movements become frantic, body convulsing as he lunges upwards, pulling your hips down into his once, then twice, before he buries himself inside of you. Release and solace glaze his body as he fills you with his cum â palms clenching your skin as he humps up in tiny ruts with each rope, fucking it deep inside of you.
He pulls back after a couple of seconds, fingers easing, hips lowering softly, as he manoeuvres the both of you to the side, making sure his softening cock stays sheathed inside of your still pulsing warmth, until he's left on top of you. He lets the two of you catch your breaths, still and close in an embrace.
One arm props himself up beside your head, his free hand holds your jaw, thumb stroking your cheek, making sure you're facing him. He smiles at your features, eyes lazily shut, dribble drying at the edge of your lips, your head a dead-weight in his palm.
"You feelin' okay?" He murmurs, squishing your cheeks a little to get your attention.
You manage to coax out a hum, sleepy and satisfied.
"You did so good for me, princess."
You hum again, softer this time, a small acknowledgement.
Bucky stills himself, pausing his soft caresses against your skin. You feel a huff of warm air expel against your face, a gentle rumble of his body over yours.
"I fucked you good, didn't I." He asks, so sure of himself. And even in your daze, you can't even lie.
"⌠mhm." You moan softly, eyebrows bowing, cunt squeezing around him. He chuckles softly, warm breath sticking to your cheek and neck as he leans forward to lay soft kisses against your skin.
"Oh, baby," he coos, voice a mumbled vibration of amusement, nuzzling closer to your face, trailing his smile wherever he could, "got my sweet girl all dumb just from my cock. Fuck, you're so pretty like this. Should keep you here forever."
With just enough energy, you nod. The hand that held your cheek moved up to your hair, smoothing his thumb over your hairline in soft strokes.
"Yeah? Wanna stay in my bed all full and cock drunk for me?" He asks, voice pitching higher. He kisses your lips, clumsy while your mind hovers ten steps behind, and he adds in a breath. "Want you to be mine. Don't gotta worry about valentines day anymore, sweetheart, not when I'm here. Not when I got you all plugged up with my cum."
He shifts his hips, bucking with emphasis, watching how you gasp. Sore and full, exhausted and his.
Another chuckle rumbles up his chest, exhaling through his nose. He nuzzles into you again, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I'll wake you in an hour, make you sip some water and eat."
Biting your lip to hide a smile, you turn away, failing with a tiny snort that burns inside of him.
"There she is," he whispers, "there's my girl." Nuzzling into your hair, unbothered and relaxed, breathing in the scent of sex that's glued to your skin.
"Go on, baby, get some rest," his thumb caresses your forehead, the repeated coax, the tenderness â his whispers, his stretch, his warmth â it all seeps deep into your skin and eases into the nighttime. "I'll take you on a real date tomorrow, hm? No cowards this time, just you and me."
Your heart aches against your ribs as you fall deeper and deeper into sleep. His soft pillows against your head, while his naked chest blankets your own â a dual warmth created by the both of you.
Tomorrow can't come soon enough. Even with memories of the morning after sleepovers as teens and study dates in college that ended in all-nighters fuelled by redbull and pure perseverance. You can't wait to see his sleepy figure against the morning light. Brown hair haloed by the sun, palms pressed against newly discovered skin, clammy from how long he's kept them there in his subconscious. Mumbling 'good morning's, stretching into groans, tired kisses with morning breath neither of you care about.
It's all brand new, and you don't have any reason to be scared. Not with your best friend holding your hand the whole way through.
a/n 2: no pizza and 'almost famous' 4 u lolol maybe next time babies :P
summary: damian wayne is at a total loss in the matters of love and winning over your heart, so much so that he dreadfully ends up on each brotherâs doorstep seeking love advice.
pairing: damian wayne x fem! reader (featuring dick, tim & jason)
content: flufff, absolute chaos and only one bat brother comes out on top in teaching damian the ways of yearning, not that he needed help for that in the first place.
âYouââ Dickâs grin is barely repressed, chest puffed in pride of being the first confidant Damian thought of. ââseek dating advice?â
Damian makes a non-committal shrug. âI admit that I may harbour feelings towards her that differ from my usual disdain to the average person.â
Dickâs laugh escapes his lips, but quickly conceals itself into an overly serious nod when Damianâs glare pierces through him.
âAnd you⌠travelled all the way to BlĂźdhaven to ask me for help?â
Damian would much rather be stabbed with a jagged-edged blade than admit that. There was always a price to pay for relying on others, especially when it came to his tooth-grinning brothers.
âWould you like to tell her.. about these feelings?â Dick tries again, settling for a more emphatic approach.
Damian winces, averting his gazeâtrying to displace the sudden lodge in his throat. âI assumed there were more steps that entail to a courtship. Youâre clearly well-versed in them.â
Dick clears his throat. âIt isnât like a routined dance, Damian.â At Damianâs furrowed brow, he continues. âFalling in loveâdating, it comes naturally between two people. Itâs the million little moments, built upon each other that no practiced motion can recreate. It happens regardless of choices, and thatâs the beauty of it.â
âNaturally.â Damian tests the word on his tongue, but like he suspected, it ran off with a bitter taste. While he has been deemed a prodigy, a perfect weaponâbeing a normal human was not something trained into his veins, but rather suppressed.
âMaybe it is for you, Graysonâbut where I was raised, details of courtship and emotional connection with another person were never discussed. My body is not programmed to have these natural decisions come forth to my mind, and I-â
It feels like swallowing glass when he mutters. âI require your assistance to explain it to me.â
Dickâs gaze softens in pity, which weighs heavier, worse than his laughter earlier. âHey, we actually started off on the same boat. If anything, at least you didnât have to experience Bruceâs attempt at explaining it. Heâs more an expert than any of us when it comes to emotional suppression.â
âLove..â Dick ponders. âIt hits you when you least expect it, but spending time together does test if the feeling is reciprocated.â
âI suppose there are some steps that you could follow.â Dick murmurs, thumb trailing his chin in thought. âAlright, hereâs the plan.â
Damian may not be well-versed in the matters of courtship. However, standing stiffly in competition with the street lamp beside him, his nose buried into his green scarf more so to hide his shame rather than from the winter cold, his regret grows tenfold with every passing minute for even agreeing to this.
You're bound to arrive at any moment, and he'd rather suffer in his regrets than leave you stranded on a date his brother suggested. Not that he used that term, he could barely handle deeming it a hang out.
In his earpiece, Dickâs voice echoes with irritating amusement.
âDamian, you need to relax. You look like an assassin waiting for your target to appear.â
âTrain to be one from the moment you were born with a family legacy on your shoulders and see how that affects your posture.â Damian grumbles.
âItâs okay if youâre nervous. Iâll guide you if you freeze, remember?â
âIâm not nervousââ
His peripheral vision recognises your silhouette before he can even finish his retort. All sound seems to fade past the stuttering in his chest, including his brotherâs teasing, and maybe time slows tooâhe wouldnât put you below that possibility. Youâre busy with your scarf thatâs loosened enough to reveal your lips, and you donât even notice that youâre speed-walking right towards him.
Itâs instinctive, not at all pleasing when his hands reach out just in time to grab onto your shoulders before you slam face-first into his coat.
Your eyes widen comically, but it doesnât appease the thundering of his pulse, not especially when you smile at him like that, bashful and sweet. âDamian! Fancy bumping into you here." You tease.
âPerfect meet-cute.â Dick whispers to himself. âTell her itâs fineâthat you actually think itâs cute.â
âWhat?â He snaps, feeling ashamed at the mere suggestion.
You blink twice at his sudden reaction. He needs to recover quickly, say something.
âWatch where youâre going.â He slips out.
He can hear the sound of Dick slapping his own forehead, echoing in his eardrums.
Thankfully, you donât seem deterred by his slow-witted response, grin still in-tact. âApologies for almost ruining your luxurious scarf. Though Iâll must say, green looks really good on you.â
He tenses. This is the moment, he must say something right this time.
âBrings out the colour of my eyes.â Dick offers through a sigh.
Perfect. Something witty, and completely appropriate for the situation.
âBrings out the colour of my eyes.â Damianâs delivery is completely robotic, unlike the one he heard in his ears, carrying none of the light-hearted tone that made it sound right.
Miraculously, it only cracks a laugh out of you.
âSheâs an angel.â Dick groans, almost pitifully.
He winces, letting you go before offering his hand. âThe snowâs slippery.â His excuse is well-rehearsed, recovering back into the steps Dick gave him.
Your expression brightens, taking ahold of his hand. Itâs a perfect fit, your glove in his and a warm glow is forming behind his ribsâan unsteady, pleasant feeling, almost enough to forget the mistake he made.
âSmooth recovery.â Dick comments in approval. âBring her to the next location.â
If Damian could, heâd mute Dick's channel immediately if he was going to be reminding him every second. It was distracting and nerve wracking to be multi-tasking two tasks at once, especially when you easily compelled him to lose all train of thought.
The skating rink is crowded, more than heâd like, but he wasnât up for improvisation after his earlier attempt. Itâll have to do, and heâs sure his withering glare can clear enough space for the two of you.
âIâve always wanted to try ice skating.â Youâre brimming with glee with your gaze glued to the ice, and his eyes trail over your excitement with a tender patience. Heâd like to sketch it out when he was back home, but even the thought of ending this moment was incomprehensible, so he settles on bending down to tie your skating shoes.
âJust to warn youââ Your joyful glimmer falters into a rare bundle of nerves. âIâve never skatedâlike ever. Youâll need to teach me the ropes.â
His lips quirk the slightest lift. âYou have the best teacher in all of Gotham.â
âReally?â You tease, leaning down slightly that he feels the warmth of your breath over his nose, sending goosebumps down his arms. âThatâs a bold claim.â
âI was raised on snow mountains since I was an infant. A skating rink in Gotham is a small feat for me, and it shall be for you.â
âLess bragging, more swooning.â Dickâs voice echoes in his eardrums.
Damianâs expression clamps shut as he leads you towards the ice. He takes the first step and balances himself perfectly on the naturally formed ice. You enter immediately on the wrong angle, and slip. He doesnât think, his free hand wrapping around your waist before you fall.
He freezes, and you do too. Caught at the entrance of the rink in the corner where no one is watching, youâre wrapped so closely in his embraceâhis body instinctively shielding and protecting you. He feels his entire face burning up from the lack of distance.
âMaybe ice and me are less compatible than you think.â You whisper, as if the ice would crack and swallow you whole if it heard you.
Itâs enough to kick him back into his senses, and he quickly lifts you back up to your feet. Gently letting go of your waist, he ignores the jittering in his fingers by taking hold of your hands instead.
âHasnât been proven yet.â He answers, looking down at your feet. âMirror my stance.â
Your own gaze shifts down, and you adjust the blades of your shoes into the same V position. Youâre shuffling less, which is already a sign of improvement.
âAlright, now one step forward, and the other leg lifts like a kick.â Damian instructs.
You try, but your feet wobble at your first kick, making you fall into his arms again. Not that he minds.
âYouâre lifting too early.â He notes. âYouâll have to glide with your other foot first.â
Your brows furrow together, an adorable concentration creased in the centre as you try again. You manage it the second time, and he finds it despite himself, vulnerable to smiling when you let out a huff of joyous laughter as you glide with him, his hands still holding onto you.
âI guess you proved yourself right.â Your focus is still on your feet, but when you lift your gaze, youâre leaning close to him just like before when he had caught youâwith such pure, content bliss that the word âbeautifulâ fails to describe your features. âYou are a good teacher.â
Dickâs muttering something in his ear, but the erratic signals shooting through his brain fries all comprehension of what heâs supposed to do next other than stare at you speechless like a bumbling fool.
He messes up his next step, and before he knows it, heâs tumbling down to the ice, and you fall down with him through your connected limbs. His body shields you from the freezing ice, but nothing protects him from the shame that drowns his entire conscienceâof falling onto the ice which he has never done in his lifetime, and dragging you down with him.
He hears Dick clearly now, laughing so hard that it stings his eardrums from the high frequency.
âDamian!â You call out, and your gaze is half worry, half shock. âAre you okay?â
His ears flush with blood at your question, most likely reddened as if there wasnât enough to mope about.
âI would very much like for the ice to swallow me whole.â He mutters dryly. âOther than that, I am uninjured.â
âI so have that captured.â Dick howls through the earpiece. âIâm calling it, this is going to be the topic of discussion for our next family dinner.â
Damian discreetly rips his ear-piece out and shoves it into his coatâs pocket when your gaze averts to an elderly couple stopping by the two of you like his fall is some tourist attraction, asking if he needed any help to get back to the entrance.
He is never asking Grayson for help ever again.
The Bat-Cave, Wayne Manor
(Drakeâs Secondary Home)
âYou sure you have the right person?â Tim guffaws, his expression a mixture of horror and fascination. âHavenât you triedââ
âGrayson, yes. He has failed.â His scowl has dug deeper if possible, the faint memory of Dickâs laughter still penetrates his eardrums when he isnât preoccupied with his responsibilities.
Pointing an intrusive finger to his new prey, he speaks. âYou are to prove yourself more worthy than he is, as the next best in line for successful courtships.â
Tim raises a brow. âDidnât know you kept track.â
Damian scowls. âYour methods are unconventional, but there are no other better alternatives.â Imposing and distracting with his crossed arms, casting a shadow over the littered papers, his presence eventually forces Tim to detach from the case he was working on.
âAlright, whatâs her name?â Tim sighs, his fingers switching to a new tab where the identity search bar flickers.
Damian stiffens, defensive. âWhy would you require her name?â
âTo search for her, genius.â Tim comments as if itâs obvious that an illegal identity search is the best course of action. âI can have her interests, dislikes, and her entire profile mapped out in less than five minutes.â
âThatâs dishonourable.â
âItâs efficient.â Tim fires back. âOr else weâll be here all day. Why waste time on the uncertainties when you can already mould everything to go perfectly?â
âMy respect for you shrinks by the second, Drake.â
Tim snorts. âAs if you had any in the first place. Donât act like you havenât done your own illegal searches. Suddenly, itâs your crush and Iâm not allowed to look into it?â
The back of Damianâs neck grows hot at the mere use of the word âcrushâ, dumbing his feelings down to something so.. pathetic. âFine, Iâll do it myself. Youâre not allowed to so much as glance at her.â
Timâs hands raise in mock surrender. âI would never.â
As Damian settles into the seat, given the privacy as Tim launches himself into the spare chair, spinning it backward with his back facing the Bat-computer, he can feel the latter brewing with something to say.
âSpit it out.â Damian huffs.
âI justââ Tim starts. âNever thought Iâd live to see the day of you softening up for someone. I meanâitâs even made you come all the way for my assistance.â
âI did not come for assistance.â
âAdvice is practically the same thing.â Tim remarks. âYou may have called it dishonourable, but can you truly claim you love a person if you donât know them fully? I think falling in love means having a curiosity so strong for someone that you would like to know them as deeply as they know themselves. Isnât that what it means to love?â
Damianâs gaze flickers to Tim who yawns widely, tucking his head into his elbows over a long drought from sleep after staying up for two days straight. It⌠resonated with him, his never-ending greed to learn the intricacies of your emotions and actions, to know the depths behind each story you held in your mind.
Heâs spent long, treacherous months avoiding even the mention of your name anywhere outside the confinements of his mind, aside from the occasional scribble and tear of his paper, and his hunger has become an obstacle that even he canât tackle any longer. With a mental push, the mere action of typing your name numbs his fingers from the anticipation.
Your social media accounts pop upâone is public with your name listed, and another is a photography account. Thereâs not many photos, but thereâs enough that it feels like heâs peeking into something intimate, a catalogue of your life that has his heart quickening.
He remembers vividly of you asking to exchange social media accounts when you had first met, before he quickly shut it down, commenting that he refused to have such useless applications.
Yet, here he wasâfrozen, mesmerised at the sight of your smile captured on your digital camera, unable to scroll further past your most recent post. It didnât capture the true essence of your joy like he remembered so clearly from that failed date, but it still struck him all the same.
Even his denial falls silent when heâs looking at you, because heâd be a fool to pretend away the quick pattering of his heart, or the small smile etched into his lips caused by you. His mind has formed a despicable habitâa quiet, dreadful longing whenever he envisions even a frame of you in his mind.
He has fallen for you quietlyâstrongly, and even as he scrolls further, to the latest bookstores youâve frequented, or your blurred snapshots of sunsets along the Gotham horizon, heâs not satisfied. What is the use of seeing these images if he wasnât there to witness it or hear from you in person?
He wants to be in your life, not just a mere bystander, but he doesnât know how to say it.
âYouâve been deathly silent for ten minutes.â Tim comments. âItâs kind of making me curiousââ
âI will gouge out your eyes myself, Drake.â
Thereâs only one person he has left to ask, and as he pierces a coffin-burying glare into Timâs prying gaze, he wasnât sure if heâd get the answer he needed.
89, Skirley Apartments, Park Row (Crime Alley)
(Toddâs Rebellious Man-Cave)
Jason whistles, leaning against the door to his mess of an apartment. âYou must be desperate if youâve come to see me.â
The disgruntlement in Damianâs expression comes mostly from embarrassment and partly from the state of disarray he finds from one single swipe past the gap of Jasonâs shoulder and the door frame. Motorcycle gear is splayed out over the scratched floorboards, signaling another random side project.
Barely lived in, and somehow a complete mess that would have Alfred over in a snap with his emergency cleaning set.
âGraysonâs overly optimistic and Drakeâs downright creepy.â Damian huffs.
âAnd that leaves me..?â Jasonâs brow raises, a taunting smirk on his lips.
âAs the last option.â Damian grits.
Jason steps back, his back pushing against the wood to allow Damian into his less-than-adequate living quarters.
âWell, sorry to break it to you, kidââ Jason plops down onto the couch, and the pillow-seat sinks under his weight. âBut my understanding of love is barely any better than yours.â
âYouâre still the second oldest.â Call it desperation, Damian isnât sure if heâs above that anymore after the failure of his two other brothers. âYou mustâve had some experience.â
âNow, age matters?â Jason mocks. âWellâif you want my two cents, I suppose I can give it.â
âThereâs no point beating around the bush.â Jason states. âIf you really like her, you just have to say it. Even if it hurts, especially if youâre scared itâll hurt. That means thereâs something worth to lose, and to never ask, itâs always gonna hurt worse than knowing.â
âThatâs the whole point of love. It takes being brave, and realising the possibility of something real right in front of youâand fighting for it. You only have so few chances in the world to experience it, and youâre going to waste something like that over fear of whatârejection?â
âHave a heart-to-heart. Thatâll always mean more than some hidden message, hoping sheâll notice and give in first.â Leaning back, Jason eyes Damian with a rare look he doesnât recognise, because there is no possibility in the world that wisdom could exist in that big-head of his. âIf she doesnât return how you feel, that sucks. Youâll live barely, then itâll heal and you move on. If you never answer the question? Itâs gonna haunt you for life. The one that got away.â
The thought of losing you to cowardice, of being a permanent outsider to your life, nearly ruins him. Damian canât afford that, not when thereâs never been a person he desired for more than you. This week has made sure of that.
Even more of a horrifying realisation is that of all people, Jason Todd was the one that got through to him. His trained eyes scan the perimeter for any signs of a secret partner, a reason for this sudden shift in his usual, thick-headed sibling. âWhere did you obtain such knowledge?â
Jasonâs lips quirk up. âJane Austen, you should try her sometime.â
135, Kane Street, Otisburg
(Damian's Last Resort)
Damian has only felt the urge to puke on two occasions this past year. Firstly, when he discovered old photos of Dickâs first Nightwing costume in an old album, and had to wash his hands twice with anti-bacterial soap. Secondly, when a rare poison seeped into his bloodstream that he had not already trained to be immune to.
Never had the nauseating feeling of nerves scale till the point of trembling fingers and stiff legs. He just needed to tell the truth, so why did the matter seem so petrifying?
Heâs been standing outside your door, letting the winter frost bite at his exposed skinâlike a pathetic loser for the past fifteen minutes and if he stood there any longer, he might as well brand himself as one. His hand comes up to knock in three measured beats, and he waits with the patience of Dickâs pit-bull for a belly rub.
The door unlocks, and your tousled hair greets him first. His heart tugs at the sight of you in your home attire, with your loosened shirt and pajama pants dragging against the floor. Youâre utterly beautiful, even as youâre slapping your cheeks lightly to coerce yourself awake. It takes a few seconds for the realisation to hit your half-asleep features before your eyes nearly pop out.
âDamian? Itâs five in the morning! What are you doing here?â
âI have romantic feelings for you.â He blurts with the subtlety of a ramming gun.
âIf you reciprocate, I would like to..â He pauses, his thoughts competing with the rapid pace of his heartbeat. âWait, I didnât think this through.â
You blink slowly, shock blasted over your face, before a soft, warm smile creeps over your lips. âNo-no, go on.â
He wants it to be perfect, but his words were too direct, too harsh. He wasnât like Dick, who was naturally charismatic with others, or Tim who thought two steps ahead for every interaction, or Jason who bulldozed through without a care in the world. He doesnât want to risk losing you over his own incompetence. âNo, I feel like Iâve started it all wrong.â
âItâs five in the morning, even Damian Wayne is human enough to mess up his words at this hour.â You tease. His shoulders sag in relief at the sound of your comforting voice, which he suspects is the purpose of your teasing. To calm him, tell him itâs okay.
âRight.â He mutters. âMay I start over?â
âIâm all ears.â You grin.
He cracks a soft smile in return. It is difficult for him to be human, to feel his faults bubble to the surface, but in front of you, he is willing to try. âI am unfathomably, undoubtably.. and completely in love with you. Romantic feelings donât even come close to describing the knowing in my heart that it has chosen you from the very moment you entered my life.â
âWhen I am around you, itâs as if the world disappears, and all I envision is you.â He admits. âFrom the moment you approached me with your maddening smile and charming wit, I donât believe I could have ever fought against it, against you.â
âYour laughter brings joy to me, your sadness distracts me of all my senses, and your very existence is a gift in my life that I cherish deeply and.. Iâm terrified at the idea of losing that, losing you.â
âLove..â He hesitates. â..is a difficult concept for me to understand, because it has never been shown to me outright. So when I felt this desireâthis constant want to be in your presence, I sought for understanding.â
âI see nowâthat love canât be explained in just mere words. It is the shared moments between us that I replay in my mind, the small details I find myself noticing of you and cherishing deeply, and the fear of losing that privilege of knowing you. I realised.. that I canât fathom continuing my life without you in it.â
âI donât know if I deserve to be by your side, but I would like to try.â His gaze finds yours, and he hopes. So desperately, he hopes. âWould you have me, even if I am a fool who doesnât know the right things to say?â His plea is quiet against the silent rustle of the trees, the dark twilight sky that watches over them.
Your eyes soften, filled with warmth and that same, brimming happiness he has memorised from the time spent on the ice. âYouâre only an idiot if you think you didnât say all the right things, Damian.â
His chest, tight till the point of rupturing, feels like itâs finally able to breathe.
Leaning in slowly, right across the barrier of the doorstep that separates you from him, you gift him with a soft kiss pressed against his lips and his entire world falls apart, not that it ever truly existed before you.
He takes you into his arms, lifting your feet off the doorstep as his boots crunch against the melted snow when he kisses you back. He has never kissed anyone before, but the feeling of wanting you so close to his soul only feels natural when youâre here in his arms.
Itâs sweet, clumsyâand out of all the moments heâs spent with you, he truly wished he could replay this over and over.
When you break the kiss, he has to remind himself to not follow after you when you whisper softly against his lips. âYou never finished. What did you want to do if I reciprocated?â
Visions, blurred and incoherent, flash through his mind but itâs nothing compared to the real thing right in front of him. âEverything. As long as youâre mine, the possibilities are endless.â
âOf course Iâm yours, Damian.â Your eyes crinkle into that puddle of warmth that melts through all his defences. âNo one has ever come to my doorstep, at five in a winter morning, professing their love before.â
His brows furrow, lips nearing to a pout. âHas anyone ever tried professing their love in other ways?â
You laugh, and he can get used to that. Making you smile and laugh as if itâs his one purpose on this planet. âNoâI think my heart was too busy being taken by the person in front of me, who just conveyed what love is so perfectly that I can never think of anyone else.â
He relaxes at that, feeling his own smile deepen at the relief of finally having you in his arms, and in the comfort of the warmth shared under the dim streetlights, he thinks heâll have to temporarily bump Jason to the number one spot in his long line of siblings.
Not that heâd ever tell him thatâbut he supposes if a limited edition of Jane Austen's collection ends up at Jason's doorstep tomorrow, it would have simply been the universe's divine gift.
likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated! <333
Synopsis: you got into an accident and lost your memories. to learn about what happened and how you ended up in the hospital in the first place, you must start at the beginning and contact your six exes
and perhaps on your path to recovering what you lost, you may end up back together with the one who loved you most...
Warnings: angst, memory loss, reader's morality questioned, flawed characters, realistic depictions of relationships?, crude language, modern/non curse au, each men's part can be technically read as a standalone but they are part of the series
SUMMARY: Dean always thought the end of the world would come with exploding suns and the walking deadânot in the shape of his best friend suddenly flirting with him. 9.7k
WARNINGS: best friend!reader. friends to lovers. suggestive language. pining. fluff. humor. dean's self-deprecating shenanigans. masturbation. implied smut. dry humping. breeding kink if you squint really hard. this was very random but i ended up loving it. set somewhere mid s2.
Dean is scared. Like really, really fucking terrified.
Heâs faced everything a person can be afraid of. Vampires, ghosts, weird one-of-a-kind monsters. Heâs fought enough demonsâboth physical and metaphoricalâto drive the strongest man crazy. He fucking had to build the pyre where his fatherâs body would eventually turn to ashes by himself, for Godâs sake.Â
But nothing, nothing has scared the shit out of him more than you flirting with him.Â
The first time it happened, he didnât even notice you were flirting. His mind was just so closed off to the possibility, the idea so far-fetched and insane that even nowâweeks later, as he stares at the peeling painting on the wall, ruminatingâit still blows his fucking mind.
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
You and Sam had been talking non-stop the whole ride from Tennessee to a dingy motel in rural Virginia, completely engrossed in your brainy shit. Dean caught bits and pieces of it every so often, when the thin but comforting fog that a long drive provides to his brain dissipates enough for him to actually register your words.Â
But itâs not like it mattered if he paid attention, itâs all Greek to him anyway.
It was only once he stopped at a gas station, leaning against Babyâs side while he waited for the tank to fill, that he actually tried to follow your conversation.Â
He opened the driverâs door and rested his arms on Babyâs roof, pressing his forehead against the crook of his elbow and peaking down at his baby brother and his best friend, the cold leather of his jacket a relief in the southern summer heat.
Sammy was leaning against the front seatâs backrest so he could meet your eyes, long limbs all twisted and his face still exhausted with everything thatâs happened in the past year. His eyes were glittery as he nodded along to whatever you were saying, shaggy hair flopping around his head, and once again Dean has to wonder just how the fuck Dad pretended for Dean to kill the kid.Â
The memory of Johnâs words always leave him wilted and venomous, Dean tries so hard not to think about them. He turned his eyes to you instead. You were draped across the backseatâlong legs bare thanks to your tiny shorts, socked feet pressed against the left door, your back resting against the right one.
You always make sure to take off your shoes before propping them up on the bench, without Dean even having to ask. You just seem to instinctively sense how much he cares for Baby, working as hard as he does to keep her clean and pretty. Dean doesnât dwell on it.
He also didnât dwell on how good you looked then, with the afternoon sun flaring behind you and making your hair glow, all sprawled out in his car. Heâd gotten over the fantasies of climbing on top of you and kissing you until the two of you melted into the Impala long ago, around the time heâd gotten over any hope of you ever wanting him back.Â
Still, seeing your smooth skin against the black, shiny vinyl sent a shudder down his spine. If only.Â
His life lately has become nothing but just a long, boring list of cobweb-covered If-Onlyâs.
He quickly drew his attention to the words leaving Sammyâs mouth and away from your chest in that thin, translucent tank top.Â
âBlue eyes are genetic mutations to adapt to the sun.â The kid sounded the exact same as he had in middle school. Dean wondered if the reason why he didnât get bullied more often was because two rogue teenage boys staying in the townâs cheapest motel was always a scary enough tale that kept most ruffians away. âJust like dark skin.â
âYes! Thatâs also why people who live near deserts have longer, thicker eyelashes. Itâs a mutation to protect their eyes,â you chimed in with an eager little smile. Dean almost saw you pushing phantom reading glasses up the bridge of your nose. âAnd, actually, lighter skin would be the mutation, since humanity originated in Africa.â
Sammy nodded enthusiastically, just like he did whenever he was presented with new information. Dean remembered then why, when you were younger, he used to memorize random fun facts in the library and then report them back to you two after a bad hunt or a nightmarish evening.
That pair of bright, dorky, always-too-wide eyes staring at him with that exact same awe always did wonders to keep the venom in his blood from spilling.
âHow did you even get there?â he asked, voice dripping with laughter. âThe last thing I heard from you was Halle Berry.â
âOf course it was, horndog.â You rolled your eyes, a wide smile tugging at your lips. The teenage instinct to puff up with pride at the sight stirred, he stomped on it until it stopped moving. âWe were talking X-Men. Genetic mutations just kind of fell into place.â
âRight, obviously.â He scoffed. âYouâre gonna infest my car with your nerd-virus, geeks.â
âMay I remind you of all the Marvel Comics hidden in the trunk, under all your porn ones?â
âNo, you may not.â
You snorted, crossing your arms and turning back to Sammy, widening your eyes as if saying: Can you believe this guy?
âI thought youâd be interested in the topic, Dean. Since you seem to try and prove Darwinism in every motel mini-fridge you find.â
Dean glared at his brother, one hand leaving Babyâs roof so he could flip him off. It only made you laugh harder. If Dean preened then, itâs between him and the voices in his head.Â
âIâd think you Winchesters have a genetic mutation that calls for trouble. The Winchester gene.â You pulled your knees closer to your chest, leaving him with a perfect view of your ever-bruised knees. He wanted to kiss them away, he wanted to leave more. The heat was getting to him. âCall Professor X, Iâve found a new mutation. Gene-W, which stands for Worst Fucking Luck in the Whole World.â
Youâre such a fucking idiot.Â
How was Dean supposed to spend almost every waking moment with you, and not love you? It was impossible. Dad had to know he couldnât do it, even when he yelled at Dean to get his head out of âsome random chickâs cunt and man up. Focus on whatâs important.âÂ
God had to know as well, even when He made Dean fundamentally unlovable. It has to be divine punishment, sending him the perfect girl and making her so holy that she was untouchable, especially when Deanâs hands are coated with sacrilege.
âThatâs three Wâs.â It was the only thing his brain could spit out that wasnât pleasepleaseplease.Â
Just once, just one time.
I need you so bad, itâs killing me.
Please.
âIâll call it the 3W-gene, then.â You shrugged, wiggling in your place until you were sitting with your feet on the car floor. You stared at him then, eyes scanning his face with a nebulosity that heâd never seen before. They burned on his skin, hotter than the sun and more intoxicating than the scent of gasoline. Finally, your lips twisted upwards. âWhich Iâd have to guess makes up ninety percent of your DNA. Though it looks like you were made for the desert as well.â
Dean frowned, blinked down at you, wondered if you were having a heat stroke.Â
âBut Iâm⌠white? I mean, I know I donât really get sunburnt, and I tan easily, butââ
âNo, I meanââ You gaped at him, like you were trying to figure out if he was intentionally playing dumb. Dean didnât realize what he was missing, the truth so far removed from every stone-set belief in his head that it seemed ridiculous to even go there. You had to sense his genuine confusion, because the disbelief vanished and left behind only giggling. âI was talking about your eyelashes, dummy.â
Ouch. Dean tried to hide the pang that traveled down his ribs, his lips pressed together in what he will never admit was a pout. âWhatâs wrong with my eyelashes?â
âJesus Christ.â You sounded exasperated as you huffed, but also fond. Dean felt adrift. âForget it, Dean.â
âNo, no. Wait!â But you were already sliding out of the car, walking across scalding concrete and spilled oil toward the restrooms, too far away for him to stop you. He bent down and tried to read some answers out of Sammy's face, but all he got was a mocking smile.Â
He searched for you again, but by then you were already walking into the gas stationâs Dunkin Donuts. Still, he yelled after you.Â
âWhatâs wrong with my lashes?!â
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
He didnât get it the second time either.Â
Actually, it took him until the third time you shamelessly flirted with him for Dean to catch up with the situation. But it was just so⌠unimaginable.Â
Dean spent every waking moment of his younger years trying to charm you. Well-trained grins and lingering hands, compliments spilling like honey from his lips and pick-up lines flying your way like perfectly-aimed bullets.Â
But Dean missed every time.
You used to laugh, hiding your smile behind your hand and shoving him back like he was just being silly. At first, he was. You were gorgeous, and Dean was nineteen and horny. He could tell there was something different about you, with the quick hammering of his heart and the fuzz that tingled his brain when you walked in the room, but he paid it no mind.Â
Being a hunter meant that knocking on loveâs door would always be risky. Being a Winchester meant that door was closed and locked forever. Being Dean meant that there was no door at all.Â
Love wasnât an option, but he could have sex. He took that small grace and ran with it.
He never expected more than a night with you, maybe a fortnight if he was lucky enough. Then you could leave, or stick around for a while and ditch them when you got tired of him, and Dean wouldnât mop over it. Heâd gotten what he wantedâor all he could afford to wantâand youâd just be another speck of dust on his rearview mirror.
But then youâd turned every single one of his advances down, always with a teasing but sweet smile on your face, and youâd stayed.
Through his twenty-first birthday, through Samâs escape to college, through Dadâs death. Dean has been rattled with grief a million times since then, breaking down into pieces and glueing himself back together with scotch tape and stale beer, and still you stay by his side.Â
Dean doesnât get it, but once again, he takes the graceâmiracle, he would call itâand does everything he can to keep it.
No more flirting, no more secret touches under tables, no more trying to sleep with you.Â
It soon became evident that having you in his life meant more than casual sex could ever mean, and so Dean buried all of his desire so deep down that he thinks it mightâve backfired and infused with his soul instead of disappearing. He pretends it did, though, never letting his sickness get in the way of your friendship.
Heâs good at pretending. Itâs all heâs ever done.
At some point in time, that desire began to transform, bubbling up and becoming syrupyâlike tar. Dean keeps throwing dirt over it like a dog trying to hide the bones of his last meal, fangs still bloody. Itâs barely enough.
All of this to say, youâve had a million opportunities to make a move on him.Â
Back in that shack in Oregon when you were twenty, or ten months ago when Sam had just entered your lives again and Dean was getting sloppy, giving you sultry looks over diner menus, his bantering quickly taking on a seductive undertone whenever you went back and forth. Heâd pulled himself together soon enough, but you had still brushed him off just as easily as you had back in â98.Â
Because thatâs just how the universe worksâDean swallows it all down until something escapes him and then you turn it down. You donât flirt, and you sure as fuck donât call his eyelashes long and thick or his face pretty.
That time⌠yeah, Dean shouldâve probably gotten it then.
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
You were sitting in the bed of a rusty-red pickup truck, parked in the middle of nowhere Virginia, just a week after the first incident.Â
You were already a quarter down your way to North Carolina when Sam remembered the witchâs shadow book heâd forgotten back in the motel. Youâd all considered just leaving it, but the risk of some poor maid coming across it and wandering down a dark and dangerous path was too big. So Sam had left you in some ghost town in the middle of the woods, taking off with Baby before Dean could regret offering her to him.Â
Dean had stolen a truck, driving you out of the road and between the trees until youâd found a small clearing near a lake, far away enough from town that no locals would give you trouble.Â
It was still hot as fuck, the air thick and humid, leaving your hair frizzy and Deanâs throat dry. The sky was clear, a million stars winking down at you, and so you settled on the bed of the truck, desperate for as much fresh air as you could get.
Sam at least had the decency to let you pull a few things out of the trunk before he sped away, including a big blanket that you spread over the dirty metal before climbing inside, Dean following close by.
You laid on your back with a flashlight in one hand and a book propped up over your face in the other, bathing in the moonlight as your eyes hungrily absorbed every word in those pages. Dean lit up a cigarette and watched the smoke travel with the breeze, listening to the familiar buzz of the forest and fidgeting with his M1911.Â
His back was pressed against the bedside, leaving him with the perfect view of the tree line. And you.Â
You looked like an angel. Definitely divine punishment.Â
At some point your legs ended up tangled, blissfully-bare skin against stubborn denim. You knocked your knee with his but kept your eyes on the book, Dean watched you. The way you held the flashlight between your teeth when you needed to flip the page, the light that reflected on the paper and highlighted the curve of your throat, the scar on your cheek from when you jumped between Dean and a knife the witch had thrown at him.Â
âWatcha reading?â He couldnât keep the words down, they swirl in the air along with the smoke. This time you spare him a glance.
âGothic horror. Very Americana, fits the vibe perfectly.â With your hand still holding your book open, you gestured to your surroundings. Dean chuckled. âYouâd like it, if you could read.â
âHey!â He kicked you softly in the shin. âI know how to read, thank you very much!â
âYou do? Woah, news to me.â
âIâd be the worst hunting partner if I didnât. Research would take us ages.â Your eyes went back to the book. It was unbearable. âAt least have the decency to look at me when you insult me, you little dweeb.â
You dropped the novel next to your head, getting up on one elbow so you could finally meet Deanâs gaze. The flashlight kept pointing up, enveloping everything in faint yellow light. Deanâs hair stuck to the back of his neck with sweat, his white ratty t-shirt suddenly too tight.
âSam and I always do the research anyway.â You flexed your leg, your knee now hooked over his as you laid on your side. Dean was an adult, he could handle this.Â
âSo whatâs my job then, attack dog?â
A small frown crossed your face, it was quickly replaced by a teasing smirk. âNah. Your job is to sit there and look pretty.â
The overwhelming quiet of the wilderness and the haziness of the tacky night made it all feel like a dream. Dean had to be hallucinating the slight tilt of your face, the warm glint in your irises, your teeth grazing your lip.
âWhat?â
âEvery team needs The Pretty One. Makes it easier to be approachable, you know how a shining smile can do wonders.â Dean almost wanted to clear his ears with his fingers. What the fuck was happening? âThough you just had to be pretty and good at fighting, you could fill all the teamâs positions if you wanted. I blame it on the 3W-gene.â
A lot was going on, Deanâs brain would start leaking out of his nose if you didnât stop.Â
âYou think Iâm pretty?â
Not his smoothest moment. Heâs not proud.Â
You scoffed, and if Dean was a little more certain of anything at this point, heâd thought you blushed. âPlease, Dean, everyone thinks youâre pretty.â
No they donât. They think heâs hot, or handsome, or badass. Heâs heard beautiful a few times. Pretty⌠he doesnât hear that one often. For some reason, it sent lightning down his spine.Â
âYou have never said it, though,â he whispered, mellower than intended. He took one last drag of his cig and stubbed it out against the bedside. He quickly grabbed another one, if anything, just to keep his hands busy.Â
There was a slow, terrifying moment of silence before you spoke again, and Dean held his breath until the smoke burned in his lungs.
âDoesnât mean I donât see it.â Something haunted flashed on your eyes, Dean felt the need to float closer until he charred within it. âThat I donât know it.â
His world started to crumble, the ground under him shaking. You finding Dean attractiveâpretty, even⌠it was life-ruining.Â
All of his defenses started to crack.Â
âYouâve seen me covered in enough fluids to make the toughest surgeon vomit.âÂ
You giggled, the sound breaking through the still air like a bullet. Deanâs grip on his gun loosened, his whole body melting.Â
âItâs that freakinâ Winchester gene, Iâm telling you. Good looks, bad luck, weird ass charm.â
âSo you think Sammyâs pretty too?â
He wished his voice hadnât been that bitter. You rolled your eyes before picking up your book, flopping back down on your back as your eyes left him. Dean shivered even though the air was stuffy, musk and salty heat filling his nose.Â
âYouâre the prettiest, De. You should know that.â
Well, he knows now.Â
He smoked half his pack of reds and you got through another third of your novel before you decided to get some shut-eye. Dean agreed to lie down next to you after you plead with him, even if he knew he would stay up all night regardless. Your pouty expression was too much for him to resist, heâs only human.Â
You didnât have any pillows, but Dean was stubborn and he took his jacket everywhere, even when it was a thousand degrees. He bundled it up and offered it for you to use. âItâs not the comfiest, but itâs something.â
This time, Dean was sure he saw your cheeks reddening. Â
He kept on watching the clouds and listening in for any dangers as you got ready to sleep, throwing a thin sheet over the two of you and curling into yourself at his side. He put out his last cigarette against the sole of his biker boots, refusing to take them off even after you nagged at him for it.
Heâd learned long ago to always be ready to escape. Old habits die hard.
âI wish youâd put them out on me.â
The words barely reached him, getting lost in the whistling of the wind. He quickly turned his head toward you, eyes wide and breath ragged, but you had already fallen asleep by then.Â
Your face was hidden against his jacket. It stayed there all the way until morning.
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
The few days after that had been torture. Even now, Dean still isnât sure that last part was even real, the words too good to be true.Â
If only you could be as sick as him, if only under your skin lived a beast as rabid as his, if only the immensity of his desire and obsession could be reciprocated instead of abhorred. If only.
But by the third incident, Dean had enough evidence to believe he heard right and he didn't need to get hooked on antipsychotics. And oh, what a thought that is.
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
Dean was working on Baby, two weeks or so after Virginia.Â
Youâd driven to South Dakota a few days ago after ganking a vampire nest in northern Iowa, still waiting for Ash to get back to you with any demonic omens. Bobby had welcomed you with open arms and a cooler full of beer, and God knows Dean needed the break.Â
He didnât know how long he could keep handling being locked in the Impala with you, your clothes getting skimpier and the days getting longer. Your head stuck out the window, your hair floating in the wind, your voice echoing in his head.Â
âYouâre the prettiest, De.â
Even motel rooms didnât serve as a relief. Youâd still walk out of the shower with your skin flushed and bare, filling the boy-stinking room with your sugary smell and girlish sweat. It was hell, it was paradise. Dean had to rush into a cold shower every time.Â
He thought that being at Bobbyâs would stop the avalanche of prohibited thoughts. That once there was a bit more space between youâother people around and open windows and air conditionerâhe could go back to pretending that your strange confessions in the past few days hadnât shattered all of his careful guards.
But it only took you flashing a smile across the dining table or your shape lounging by the bay window for all his pent-up frustration to claw at his throat. He was restless, fingers twitchy and temper irritable, his whiskey glass almost cracking under his hand when you strode down the stairs in a tiny skirt and a tight top, clearly not wearing a bra.Â
Before his head could explode, he grabbed a cold beer and dashed out the door and into the salvage yard, Babyâs keys in one hand and his crumbling sanity in the other.
Heâd been at it for hours, tinkering here and there with the Impalaâs undercarriage, the old car creeper heâd stolen from Bobbyâs garage stiff and bumpy under him. He welcomed the distraction.Â
There was nothing to fix, really. Baby wasnât up for an inspection for quite a while, and Dean knew exactly when she needed work done. She was golden.Â
Still, he fidgeted with the exhaust and turned a few screws uselessly, stalling. The sun beat down on him, his shirt was stained with oil and sweat, his vision was getting splotchy. The smell of metal and dirt was comforting, familiar, manly. No soft vanilla or flowery shampoo. Just Dean and his life on the road, no space for anything else.
But being trapped under an engine only made the heat even worse, his throat closing up and his eyes stinging. He finally decided to slide out and into the fresh air, sitting up with a gasp as he reached for his beer, the condensation dripping from the bottle a small heaven.Â
He chugged the drink down and threw the bottle on the ground, wiping his forehead with the hem of his dirty shirt before dropping back down on the creeper, his eyes scanning his arid surroundings. Big mistake.Â
Because there, stepping out of the house to his right, were you. The stupid skirt left him as breathless as it did the first time, the little perk of your nipples under the soft fabric of your top still filling his mouth with saliva. There were two beers in your hands, your skin glistening as you stepped in the sunlight, Deanâs grip on the wrench tightened.Â
âBrought you some libation, so you donât pass out under that thing.â
âHey! Put some respect on her name.â Dean petted the underside of Baby, your laugh washing over him like a waterfall.Â
You reached his side and handed him one of the beers, the caps already off. He took a long swig of it, mostly to keep that syrupy tar from spilling. He was still lying on his back, with you towering over him. Dean focused on the sharp dig of metal against his spine and not the way he could almost, almost peep under your flowy skirt.Â
âWhat are you working on, anyway?â
He didnât have a real answer, so he spit out some bullshit excuse full of technical words that he knew you wouldnât really understand, hoping it was enough to keep you from asking more questions.Â
âUhmârightâŚâ You nodded, like youâd understood anything Dean had just said. It made him smile, how you always tried to pay attention even when the topic couldnât bore you any more.Â
The two of you stayed there for a few more moments, sipping on your beers and letting the seconds trickle by. You swayed to a phantom tune in your head, Dean could nearly hear it. It was nice to know you could still have moments like this, when your minds swirled into one and you didnât need words to communicate, like tuning into the same radio station.Â
If Dean was a little cheesier, heâd say youâre soulmates.Â
Because heâs Dean, he says youâre just trauma-bonded.
A small but glorious breeze glided between you, making your skirt and hair twirl and lifting Deanâs shirt halfway up his chest, his torn-up jeans laying low on his hips like a good mechanic.
Dean watched as your eyes caught the movement, drinking in the sight of golden skin and scar tissue. You ogled shamelessly, from the ridges of his ribs down to the V of his hipbones, licking your lips as you followed the trail of faint hair that disappeared down the waistband of his boxers, the elastic peaking out of his jeans slightly.
Too much, it was too much. Your teasing had made him reckless, this was his last straw.
âTake a picture, darlinâ. Itâll last you longer.â
Instead of snapping back into yourself and running back into the house, you just hummed mindlessly, gaze slowly moving up to Deanâs face. Your cheeks were pink, it could be just the incandescence. The darkness of your eyes differed.Â
âLeft my phone inside. Such a shame.â He wasnât expecting that. He laughed hoarsely, trying to pass it off as a weird joke. Friends could joke like that, it wasn't that crazy. Your expression remained consuming. âYou shouldnât stay out here for too long, De. Youâre gonna roast under all that metal.â
Dean thought you sounded hungry, he finished his beer in one go.Â
âHey, itâs a good way to go.â He gave you one of those relaxed, Iâm-not-freaking-out-you-are smirks. âIâve always wanted to die under a hot girl or a cool car.â
Okay, he walked right into that one. He was trying, okay?
This time, you laughed. It was velvety, stickier than summer and more addictive than any adrenaline rush. Dean became a junkie after just one hit.Â
âGreat philosophy, really.â You chugged half of your beer, stepped a little closer, stood with your legs parted. Dean kept his eyes firmly on your face. âWell, you can choose now. Which one will it be?â
For a second, Dean wondered if heâd drink more than he remembered. Only when he was really, really hammered did he daydreamed this vividly. But heâd barely had three beers today and half a glass of whiskey, he was nowhere near wasted.Â
His breath hitched, he gaped up at you. His brain racked for excuses, for another explanation to this that wasnât your best friend who youâre inescapably in love with is making a move on you.Â
There wasnât any. Thereâs only so much you can lie to yourself before the truth becomes imminent.
âIâm just a hardworking mechanic, maâam. Iâm trying to do my job here.â It was so easy, to just fall back into the playfulness thatâs been dying to crawl out of his mouth and wrap all over you for years.Â
âMhm.â You grinned foxilyâwhich was newâand then stepped even closer, a foot on each side of his extended legâwhich was even newer. You were still too far away for him to actually see anything, but the scene was still too familiar, from grainy videos in Samâs laptop and raunchy magazines. Oh god. âI think I have a problem for you to check out, Mister Mechanic. Donât worry, I can pay you well.â
You winked at him, and Deanâs breath grew ragged. The line of just-friends had started to blur long ago, but this was definitely stepping over it. He wanted it so badly, that was always a sign that it shouldnât happen.Â
He tried to convince himself you were just joking around, making fun of his cliche porn indulgences, calling him out for being a little freak.Â
âYou canât just come into my workshop and demand to be served, maâam. Thatâs no way to treat a humble, blue-collar man.âÂ
Another one of those laughs, Dean relished in the ecstasy of it. âI think I know how this blue-collar man likes to be treated after all these years.âÂ
His mouth was full of spit and tar, he swallowed it all down. It still spilled.Â
"Youâre gonna let me take a look, then?â
Surely, this is where you drew the line. It was all fun and games up to here, just a little healthy flirting between best friends with a broken silent understandmentânothing unfixable.Â
This, this is where everything could go up in flames. Dean was delirious, frothing at the mouth and begging to be put down. To be woken up from this dream, to go back to when everything ached but was familiar, to have you snap his neck in mercy.
Instead, you drenched everything in kerosene.Â
With a wicked smirk that screamed danger, you crept higher up his body. Your foot resting between his legs moved and installed itself next to his shoulder, until you were completely straddling his frame, right over his head.Â
Shadows covered his face, the ruffles of your skirt fluttered, that musky smell of vanilla and salty skin enveloped him. Dean panicked.
There was no coming back from this. He wasnât ready to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him. He wasnât sure this was even happening in the first place.Â
He shoved himself back under Baby, a yelp logged in the back of his throat, his eyes still shut closed even when all he could sense around him was rusty metal and motor oil.
That laugh again, vivid and electric, now muffled by the car shielding Dean from the demon that's taken the shape of his best friend.
âI thought IâI heard a rattle.â Heâs not sure his words even reached you with how scattered they were. You sighed in delight.Â
âOf course, Mister Mechanic. Iâll stop bothering you.â You softly kicked his boot in goodbye, even that made Deanâs breath stutter. âDonât stay here too long, or youâre actually going to faint.âÂ
âSure.â He sounded wrecked. Goddamnit he can be pathetic.
You giggled, this time tender and almost⌠enamored. Dean seriously needed to go see a shrink.Â
He listened closely as you walked away, waiting until the back door of Bobbyâs house clicked shut before rushing out from under Baby. He got on his feet so fast that his head spinned, his vision blurring as he made his way between the maze of broken-down cars and hills of old tires.Â
He found a sun-bleached school bus that looked like it had been there for ages, big enough to conceal his form as he leaned against its side, fumbling at his belt with shaky hands.Â
He came a few minutes later, with his back against scalding, yellow-painted steel and his dick fisted furiously in his hand. He kicked dirt over his cum on the ground, still trying to catch his breath and process what the hell just happened.Â
His cock twitched at the memory of you climbing over him, he pulled his jeans back up and darted into the house, locking himself in his room until he was able to function again.Â
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
Dean had been able to bury the cum well-enough that day, but youâve done irreparable damage to his desireâs grave. No matter how hard he scratches at the earth and tries to cover the bones, youâve resuscitated something invincible.Â
Heâs doomed, even more than before.Â
Because itâs not just desire anymore. Now itâs also a sunrise on the beach, quiet mornings in a suburban kitchen, soft kisses that promise more than just a good time. Now Dean wants more, he wants everything.Â
Oh, what have you done?
It was hard, moving on from that day. After a lot of self-reflection and many, many jerk-off sessions, heâd gotten to the conclusion that you were, indeed, flirting.Â
He knows, he knows. Give him a Nobel prize.Â
The knowledge is almost impossible to live with. He wants to put his head through the wall, he wants to scream until his lungs give in, he wants to kneel at your feet and ask you why.
Why now, why not before, why not never. Why when he was finally getting the hang of it, why when he had just gotten used to the ache of longing, why when heâd ultimately made his peace with never having you.Â
He didnât know how to act after that, not when he was holding his guts inside his body with trembling hands and he didnât know exactly what you needed. Because thatâs the scariest part of all.Â
Just to what extent do you want him?
At first, he assumed you wanted the same he did at nineteenâto fool around.Â
Maybe youâre lonely. Dean hasnât seen you leave the bar with anyone in months, hasnât caught you sneaking out of your motel rooms, hasnât heard you talking about that college boy you became friends with during your Hook Man case in Iowa.Â
Maybe youâre wired, and needy, and Dean is a safe choice. No awkward introductions or dangerous meetings. Just the pleasure of skin against skin and the haven of being with someone you know like the back of your hand.Â
Dean isnât sure if he could handle casual, after all these years, after youâve wiped away his dumbest tears and patched up his ugliest wounds. For once, Dean might not be able to muzzle the beast under his skin.Â
So he panicked, and tried to put some distance between the two of you. But his line of work doesnât accept mental health leaves, and you were back in the Impala just a few days after. You didnât mention Mister Mechanic again and Dean didnât quite look you in the eye, but everything went virtually swimmingly, aside from Sammyâs occasional side-eyes.Â
Still, the taste of worry lingered on his tongue and the beast wailed with every glimpse of you in the rearview mirror. More if-onlyâs made it to the list.Â
If only he was a better man, maybe youâd want all of him.Â
If only the yellow-eyed demon had never existedâthat one wasnât new, but it always stung like it was.
If only you could love him, the way he loves you.
That one was the most terrifying of them all. It made Dean want to throw up all of his innards and flush them down the toilet. He wondered if heâd even be able to focus on the case with your face hovering over him flashing behind his eyelids every time he blinked.Â
But then, incident four happened.Â
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
Dean was struggling with his necktie.Â
He fucking hated dressing up as FBI. Even the priest costume had been more comfortable than this cheap rental suit and too-small dress shoes. It was still way too hot for a suit jacket, and the white shirt buttoned all the way up made him feel like he was choking. The stupid tie wasnât helping.Â
He stood in front of the mirror, clammy fingers tugging at the fabric fruitlessly. Dean had known how to tie a necktie since he was six, when Dad was too drunk or hungover to do it himself. By the time heâd gotten old enough to start wearing the disguises himself, heâd been pretty fucking good at it.Â
But his hands hadnât stopped shaking since that day in the salvage yard, and he really, really didnât want to go deal with useless small town sheriffs and sobbing widows. Especially not when youâd be staying behind, deciding to take over research while Sam and Dean collected as much information as they could on the five married men whoâd shot themselves within the past week.Â
Sammy was out getting all of you some coffee, everyone exhausted after the drive all the way down to Berthoud, Colorado. So when the door creaked open, Dean scoffed without turning away from the closet mirror.Â
âI canât tie this stupid thing, Sammy. Câmere and help me.â
He was expecting the ribbing chuckle that followed his words, but he didnât expect it to be so high-pitched and lovely.
He spun around on his heels as the door closed, messy knot making the collar of his shirt pop around his neck, eyes wide as he took you in.Â
âHello there, Agent Dracula.â You were leaning back on the wooden door, hands behind your back and a little smile on your face. You hadnât been alone in the same room since Sioux Falls, Dean secretly started to pray to any deity that would listen.Â
âHey.â He hoped he didnât sound as sulky as he thought he did. âHow did you get in?â
You stared at him for a few seconds, long lashes flutteringâand Dean wished he could turn back time and tell you that no, you were made for the desert. But once again, he was too late.Â
You chuckled, seemingly incredibly amused by a silent joke that Dean missed, and knocked your knuckles twice on the door behind you before walking toward him.Â
âSammy gave me the second key, just in case.â Dean stayed frozen in place as you approached him, wondering if this is how deer felt when they heard the snap of the trigger. Your fingers latched onto his collar, and you grinned at him as you started to fix his tie.Â
âThe little fucker told me nothinâ.â Your fingers were swift and delicate as you twisted the navy blue fabric around them. Dean swallowed harshly, your thumb brushed against his Adamâs apple. âYou should knock, yâknow. I couldâve been changing.â
You hummed, your smile widening. Dean wanted to lick behind your teeth, he wanted to rip all of his out. âAnd we wouldnât want me seeing that, would we?â
He didnât dignify that with an answer. Whatever game you were playing, Dean knew heâd lose. He might as well give up now.Â
Of course, you couldnât even give him that.
You finished with his necktie, adjusting it against the base of his throat before fixing his collar. You tugged on the fabric, hard, until his chest was almost pressed to yours and your faces were just inches apart.Â
âThere you go, agent. Handsome and ready to go dazzle all those poor mourning widows.â You ran your hands across his shoulders and down his biceps, smoothing out the wrinkles of his button-up. Dean bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.Â
âWhat better pillow talk than all the gory details of your past husbandâs suicide, am I right?â At least he could still joke. That was a relief. âYou might wanna give that key back, so you donât walk into one of my private investigation sessions.â
He wasnât sure what he was looking for with that. He hadnât brought back a girl in years, always keeping his encounters in dark alleyways or the chickâs home. Encounters which, heâd never admit, were starting to happen less and less.Â
It was hard, keeping your name off his tongue when all he could think about was you, even when he was balls-deep inside someone else. It had gotten him kicked out a few times, he never took it personal. It was all a distraction, one that was barely working now.Â
You frowned, your fingers around his arms twitching. Your eyes stayed fixated on his tie for a long moment before they flickered up to his, swirling with something that made the tar start to boil.Â
âYou donât need to do all that. Youâre smart, youâll find another way to make them talk.â
Your voice was too solemn for the comment to be brushed off as a joke. Sweat started to bead up on his hairline, heâd have to turn on the ceiling fan as soon as you left.Â
If you left. Dean wasnât sure if he wanted you to.Â
âI thought I didnât know how to read?â
You giggled, leaning closer until your bodies were flattened against each other and Dean could feel the warmth of your skin through your clothes.Â
âYou can be an idiot sometimes. You can also be a genius when you want to.â Your breath brushed against his lips with every word, his lips parted on instinct. Another beat passed by, your hands slid up to cup the back of his neck. âDonât fuck any widows, Winchester.â
âWhy?â
âBecause I donât want you to.â
The words were barely audible, Dean tried to close the distance between you, hands wrapping around your waist. His lips just grazed yours before you tilted your head back, shaking it almost imperceptibly. He had to bite down the urge to whine.Â
He whispered your name, pained.Â
âNot now,â you whispered back. Outside the room, Babyâs engine roared before shutting down. You pulled him closer again, turning your face until your lips were pressed against his cheek, leaving a feathery kiss against his just-shaven skin. It was still sensitive, Dean exhaled harshly. âJustâcome back to me tonight, mh?â
Before he could say anything, the door opened and you took a step back. His arms awkwardly stayed in the air long after youâd made your way to the door, still holding the shape of you. Sammy walked in after you beelined out of the room, giving him a suspicious look.Â
Dean was just as lost.Â
But one thing was for sure, whatever this was, it wasnât casual. You were right, Dean could be smart when he wanted to, and he knew damn well you couldnât fake that look in your eyes.Â
He came back that night, alone, as soon as interviews were over. Sammy was left behind getting copies of the mortuary reports and at least two ladies ended up alone and kindly rejected in their homesâall for you.Â
He knocked on your motel door, your pretty head popped up after a second. You quietly gave him an up and down look, eyes glistening under the streetlights as a satisfied beam made its way into your mouth.Â
âGood.â You nodded before winking at him, already retreating back inside your room. âGood night, De.â
¡ ¡ â ¡âśÂˇ â ¡ ¡
 And so that leaves him here, the morning after, lying shirtless on scratchy motel sheets and staring at the water-stained ceiling in search for answers. Sammy is deep asleep in the bed next to him, the kidâs soft, familiar snores doing nothing to keep Dean anchored in time.Â
He feels like a teenager, he feels a million years old. He wants to barge into your room and childishly demand an explanation, he wants to retire to a monk monastery and find divine wisdom. He wants to tear his own heart out and for you to keep it in a glass vial forever.Â
If-onlyâs start to spiral into maybeâs. Fears turn to hopes and hopes to fears. He tosses against the pillows and the cheap mattress springs dig into his back.
With an agonizing groan, he leaps out of bed.Â
His boots are still on his feet, of course, so itâs easy to pull on his dirty jeans and dart out of the motel room. The early morning sun welcomes him with a wave of warm air and a brief second of blindness, his skin already growing damp as he sits on the curb of the lonely parking lot.Â
Heâs already reaching for a smoke before his vision even gets used to the sunlight, the torrid pavement burning his skin through thick denim. He blinks back white spots as he takes a long drag, letting the taste of tobacco erase the traces of angst clinging to the corners of his mouth.Â
The parking lot is almost empty, barely any cars waiting for their owners to be done with whatever they were doing on a Wednesday at eight in the morning inside a pay-by-the-hour motel. So when footsteps start to slowly get closer, light and measured, he knows exactly who it is. His eyes stay glued to a far away billboard with a generic anti-smoking slogan printed in the center.
The first thing he sees is your boots, stepping down the curb right next to him. Then your bare calves, miles of smooth skin, the muffled sound of fabric dropping. Purple-peppered knees bend as you lower yourself on his right side, that soft smell of sugar and sun-kissed skin mixing with marlboro and mildew. And then, when his eyes flicker just a little closer but not quite land on your shape, he sees white cotton and lacy edges.Â
He chokes on the smoke gliding up his throat.Â
âJesus Christ.â He coughs, finally turning his head to take you in completely. A tiny cup of coffee held in your hands, thin white tank top hugging your bare chest, soft cotton panties, boots. Nothing else. âWhat the hell?â
âItâs hot as fuck.â You shrug, gazing toward the same billboard. Youâd dropped one of the motel towels over the spot youâre sitting on, the fabric frayed but thick enough to keep your skin from burning in the concrete. âYouâre naked too, you know?â
âIâm more modest than you, thatâs for sure.âÂ
With languid movements, you set the porcelain cup down between the two of you and reach for his cigarette, your fingers stroking over his as you steal it and press it against your mouth. Your eyes meet his as your lips wrap around the filter, just where Deanâs were a second ago.Â
âI was using that, you know?â Maybe one day heâll be able to talk to you again without his voice failing him. You chuckle. âI couldâve just handed you a new one.â
âBut whereâs the fun in that?âÂ
âGive it back.â You smile lazily, tilting your head and taking a long drag, goading. âFuckingâwhatever.â
His hand fishes into his front pocket for the pack smokes. You lean closer, again, just enough for Dean to feel your skin reflecting the warmth of the sun. Your hand wraps around his thigh, making him halt. Delicate fingers pull the cig away from your perfect mouth, and suddenly your parted lips are brushing his.Â
âStop being a baby. Open up if you want it so badly.âÂ
âWhy are you doing this to me?â
His answer comes in smoke being blown into his mouth. He breathes it in, starving for the slightest taste of you between all the earthy bitterness.Â
âWhy do you think?âÂ
Heâs way too dizzy to process the words, and it isnât until youâve pulled away enough for Dean to see your whole face that his brain starts to work again.Â
âBecause you want me dead?â
You laugh, so fucking sweet and heavenly. Dean allows himself to revel in it this time.Â
âI love you, Dean. But you already knew that, didnât you?â The way youâre looking at him makes him feel even more naked than he is. Dean stutters.
In concept, yes, he knows you love him. As a friend, as a partner, as family. In the lives you lead, thereâs only so many people you can trust, and when you finally find themâyes, itâs easy to love them. Especially when the rest of the world is either too ignorant to feel real or too cruel to keep close.Â
âI know.â He gulps, the words stinging on his tongue. âIâI love you too.â
Heâs said so very few times in his lifetime. Kneeling by your hospital bed after a rugaru left you bloody and with a raging concussion, on the phone the night Sammy left for Stanford and he got hammered by the seaside, the day Dad died. It was always secretiveâwith the shadow of sorrow hiding the severity of the words, protecting him from their consequences.Â
But here, when heâs shirtless under the brightest, hottest sun of the year, thereâs nowhere to hide.Â
You drop the cigarette to the ground, cupping his cheek in your palm instead. Dean leans into the touch like a stray puppy, heart pounding against his ribcage.Â
âHow do you love me?âÂ
He murmurs your name dejectedly. âDonât make me say it.â
âPlease, Dean. Iââ You take in a trembling breath, and for the first time, the confident mask youâve been wearing since this whole thing started falters. âI need you to say it.â
âI love you more than anything. I love you like a best friend, I love you like family, I love you like a piece of myself. Youâre part of me, darling. The better, lovelier part of me, the part I would go insane without. I love you like I dream of spending my last days on earth with you. I love you like I have never loved anyone before, and it scares the crap out of me. But fuck, I donât care, because I fucking love you.â
Tears glint in the corner of your eyes. Before Dean can blow his brains out for making you cry, you lunge yourself into his lap, knees hitting the pavement on each side of his hips hard enough to scrape skin.
âFuck, fuck.â You sound crazed as you cradle his face in your hands. Dean can barely follow whatâs happening. âI love you too. I love you so fucking much, Dean. Goddamnit.âÂ
Deanâs hands have barely landed on your thighs when youâre already engulfing his mouth with yours. Itâs desperate, feral, long-awaited. Teeth clashing and hands groping, years and years of longing spilling from the seams and sealing the two of you together.Â
âWhat the fuckââ His words are licked away, he bites down on your tongue in retaliation. It only makes your hips grind down onto his. Instant karma. ââis happening?â
Your laughter this time is low and fevered. Deanâs hands canât stop mapping all the exposed skin offered to himâcalloused fingers wrapping around barely-clothed hipbones and slipping under flimsy fabric and drawing shapes against silky forearms. Your flesh dips under his fingertips, he finds scars he didnât know of before, his mouth waters.Â
âIâm in love with you, Winchester. So in love Iâm fucking dumb with it. Thatâs whatâs happening.âÂ
Dean drags you closer and drapes himself around you, arms encircling your middle and face buried in your hair, taking the moment in. Just a second to breathe, and make sure he isnât dreaming.Â
âWhat changed your mind?â
You chew on his question, your hands doing some exploring of their own. His back pricks with the scorch of the sun and your adoring touch, your bodies stick together with sweat and Deanâs tar, now flowing freely from his chest and coating all of him.Â
âIâve always loved you. I think I was born loving you.â Your nails trace every dip of his muscles. Dean flexes for you, you smack his shoulder with a giggle. He nuzzles his nose against the line of your jaw. âBut when you used to flirt with meâwell, you know your reputation, De.â
He does, he spent decades crafting it. He leaves a kiss on your cheek before pulling away enough to look into your eyes.
âIt wasnât like that, not with you. Maybe at first, but now⌠I wouldnât know what to do without you.â
âI know,â you whisper, your lips pressing against his in a chaste peck. âI know now.â
âHow?â
Itâs hard to focus on talking when youâre sitting on his lap in nothing but sheer undergarments, but his curiosity is slightly stronger than his craving.Â
âDo you remember that time Sam got cursed? The truth spell you tried to convince me was a contagious diarrhea curse?âÂ
Dean remembers, unfortunately. Sammy couldnât stop spitting out every thought that crossed his head, and Dean knew that if the kid was in the same room as you for even a second, his meticulously-concealed love would be bared before you quicker than Dean could knock his brother out.Â
So heâd made up a lame excuse as to why you shouldnât go back to the motel until Dean had a cure, and prayed that taking Samâs phone and locking him in their room would be enough to keep everything from falling apart.
Until a second ago, he was sure it had been.
âYouâre a good liar, Winchester, but you canât lie to me. I knew something was up.â Your hands find their way to his hair, Dean represses a grunt when you tug on it softly. âSo I picked the lock to your motel door and had a very⌠insightful conversation with your brother.â
âYou really took advantage of the poor kid, baby?â
The endearment brings a beautiful flush to your cheeks, heâs rewarded with another smoky kiss.Â
âHe looked quite eager to share, actually. Told me all about you keeping a picture of me in your wallet and calling other girls my name.â
Dean plops his forehead down on your shoulder, groaning. âIâm gonna gut him.â
âNo, youâre not.â You thumb at his sideburn. Dean grumbles unintelligibly against your skin, teeth grazing the spot right beside the strap of your top. âBecause without him, we wouldnât be here.â
He hums in the back of his throat, getting lost in the enchanting sensation of having you all around him. âWhat was all the torture about, then?â
âWell, I had to test you first. Make sure you actually feel the same way.â You drag him back by the hair, until your noses are brushing and Dean can count every mole in your face. âBecause I love you so much it kills me, Dean. Does it kill you, too?â
Dean takes a slow breath, his arms tightening around you. âNot anymore.â
You kiss him again, this time slow and deep. No more rushing, no more fear. Thereâs nowhere to be, nothing to escape. For as long as youâre with him, sitting on his lap and holding his bleeding heart in your hands, never letting goâyouâll be okay.Â
âYou know,â He sucks your lower lip into his mouth, you whine lowly. Dean should really get you off the dirty curb and into your room. âI demand a redo in the whole Mister Mechanic thing. That wasnât fair.â
You giggle breathlessly, your clothed crotch rubbing against his lower stomach. Dean grips the back of your thighs hard enough to bruise. âI still canât believe you freaked out so bad.â
âI can.â He leaves featherlike kisses down your neck, already obsessed with the way you squirm in his arms. âLook at you, of course I freaked out. Still, Iâm ready for it now.â
âCalm down, cowboy. Patience is a virtue, and we have plenty of time for that.â
âDo we?â He reaches the hollow of your throat, lips sliding lower over your tanktop, the fabric now translucent and sticking to your skin with perspiration. âBecause I might have a list of things I want to try.â
âOf course you do, horndog.â Your mouth hovers over his ear, making his eyes flutter shut. âWe can try whatever you want. Iâm yours, De. Iâve been yours for a while.â
âThatâs a dangerous offer, baby girl.â His hands find your ass, fondling the tender flesh before he squeezes, making your pretty cunt grind against his torso again. âYouâd really let me do anything I want to you?â
âItâsâA-ahh. Itâs that 3W-gene. You could charm me into anything.â
Dean chuckles, low and husky, still guiding your hips down on his.Â
âYouâre really obsessed with that.â
Your lips brush the shell of his ear, gnawing on his lobe before you whisper. âWhat can I say, I want my kids to have it. Though itâd be good to dial back on the bad luck.â
Deanâs brain stopped working after kids. Your kids, with his genes, because theyâd be both your kids. You, carrying his baby. Him, putting a baby in you.Â
âThatâs it.âÂ
With a guttural growl, Dean jumps to his feet, taking you with him. You shriek when he throws you over his shoulder, nails clawing at his sides and feet flailing in the air. He smacks your ass once, a warning to stay still. You bite down on his lower back in revenge.
Thankfully, youâd left your roomâs door open. Dean kicks it shut behind him and makes sure to lock it before he throws you onto the bed, crawling over your giggling form and shutting you up with his tongue.Â
Babyâs keys get thrown somewhere on the floor when he kicks off his jeans, Dean doesnât bother picking them up. He doesnât plan on leaving this room any time soon.Â
Suicidal husbands can wait, Deanâs been waiting for too damn long.Â
Now, when you whisper filthy words in his ear that make his cock weep, he doesnât feel scared anymore.Â
The door he thought didnât exist at all swings wide open, and Dean will never be terrified again for as long as you hold the key to it.
NOTES: this literally originated from me and my cousin talking about genetic mutations to adapt to different environments. you can tell why i'm a virgin loser. I MISS THIS FICTIONAL MAN SO BAD.
my classes have been cancelled because we're snowed in, so I had time to finish and edit this quicker than I expected. YAY!
anyway, thank you sm for reading, and I love you all!!! mwah<3
divider by: @cafekitsune & @thecutestgrotto
word count: 9.1k
synopsis: You accepted you would never be his first choice and after five years you decided enough was enough and decide to divorce Bruce.
warning: Divorce, miscommunication, Bruce being emotionally constipated
a/n: Alrighty part 3 done, part 4 should be the last one... most likely... hopefully.
Hell. Bruce Wayne was certain heâd somehow been dragged straight into it.
Heâd even gone so far as to contact John Constantineâjust to be sure he hadnât slipped into an alternate reality, a curse, or some particularly cruel cosmic joke. Unfortunately, Constantine had only laughed, lit a cigarette, and confirmed the worst truth of all:
This was real.
And you were truly set on divorcing him.
Ever since the news broke, Gotham had gone unnervingly quiet. The whispers of Batmanâs foul mood had spread fast through the criminal underbelly, and like rats sensing a flood, theyâd scattered. No muggings. No evil schemes. No desperate villains looking to cause their usual brand of chaos. For once no one dared to piss off the Bat.
Which meant Bruce had no outlet.
No criminals to bleed the anger into.
No bruises to dull the ache.
And no you.
He carried it all with himâeverywhere. A volatile mix of fury, regret, misery⌠and want. Because even now, especially now, the thing he wanted most in the world was his wife.
Soon to be his ex.
And that knowledge burned hotter than any hell Constantine couldâve dragged him through.
âWhy so glum, Bats?â
Bruceâs jaw tightened at the sound of Oliver Queenâs voice. He turned to find him perched casually nearby, clad in green, far too relaxed for someone standing within striking distance. The white lenses of Bruceâs cowl narrowed.
âWhy are you here?â he demanded.
Oliver grinned, unbothered by the look as he spun one of his arrows between his fingers like a toy. âWhat? Not happy to see me?â
Bruceâs glare sharpened, a silent warning.
Oliver only laughed, the sound bright and infuriating against the weight pressing down on Bruceâs chest. âDonât tell me youâre still brooding about that little dance I had with Y/N.â
Bruceâs jaw clenched.Â
Oliver sighed, long and theatrical. âRelax, Bats. It was a dance. No vows were broken. No laws were violated.â He tilted his head, mock thoughtful. âAnd if weâre being honestâshe looked like she was having fun. Which is more than Iâve seen in a long time.â
Bruceâs fists clenched at his sides, leather creaking under the strain. âYou donât know anything about my marriage.â
Oliverâs expression shifted. The grin faded, replaced by something more serious. âI know youâre screwing it up.â
Bruceâs jaw tightened.
âYou donât get to have it both ways,â Oliver continued, voice firm now. âYou donât get to ice her out and then bare your teeth when someone else makes her smile.â
âStay out of it,â Bruce growled, his voice low and dangerous.
Oliver stepped closer anyway, utterly unbothered by the threat rolling off him. âDonât forgetâI consider her like a little sister. And I wonât stand around and watch you keep hurting her.â
The punch came without warning.
A sharp crack split the air as Bruceâs fist connected with Oliverâs cheekbone, the impact snapping his head to the side. For a heartbeat, everything went still.
Then Oliver straightened slowly, infuriatingly calm.
He rolled his jaw once, testing it, before shrugging as though heâd taken an inconvenient elbow on the court instead of a full-force punch from Batman. With his thumb, he wiped the thin trail of blood from the corner of his mouth and glanced at it briefly, unimpressed.
âFeel better, princess?â he asked mildly.
Bruce only answered with a grunt, chest heaving.
Oliver watched him for a moment longer, then sighed, shaking his head.
âYou know what the worst part is?â he said quietly. âYou actually love her. I can see it. Hell, everyone can.â His gaze hardened. âBut you refuse to let her in.â
Bruce turned back sharply. âI canât.â
Oliver shook his head, frustration finally bleeding through. âThis isnât being fucking righteous, Bruce. Itâs cowardice.â He stepped closer, voice dropping. âYouâre hurting her. And youâre hurting yourself.â
Bruce said nothing.
âIf you canât let her in,â Oliver continued quietly, âthen let her go.â
âI canât,â Bruce ground out, the words dragged from somewhere raw and ugly in his chest.
Silence stretched between them, thick and volatile.
At last, Oliver stepped back, giving Bruce space, though his eyes never left him. âIâm not your enemy, B. But I wonât apologize for standing up for her.â
He paused, then added, almost too casually, âAnd for what itâs worth? If you keep hesitating, someone else wonât.â
Bruceâs head snapped up, eyes burning with anger. âYou wouldnât.â
Oliver lifted his hands in surrender, calm and honest. âYou know I wouldnât. Dinah and I are solid.â His expression sobered. âBut someone else will. Let her in, or let her go. Thereâs still time to save your marriageâbefore it turns into something unsalvageable.â
Then he turned and walked away, boots echoing softly against concrete, leaving Bruce alone with the truth Oliver had shoved straight into his chest.
Four damn weeks passed in the blink of an eye, and Bruce was no closer to figuring out how to make you stay.
Heâd been foolish enough to hope something would changeâthat the small, almost imperceptible lift in your mood meant there was still a chance.Â
Your conversations remained polite, cordial, and painfully distant. At work, any communication went through your assistant, who might as well have been a professionally trained guard dog. Invitations to breakfast, lunch, dinnerâdeclined with perfect courtesy.Â
No matter what he tried, you stayed just out of reach.
The tabloids, courtesy of Lex Luthor, were having a field day. Speculation buzzed endlessly, theories multiplying by the hourâbut neither of you confirmed a thing.Â
It was obvious you wanted this divorce to happen cleanly and quietly as possible. But unfortunately for you, Bruce Wayne had never been the better man when it came to letting go.
That morning, he sat at the kitchen table in a foul mood, nursing a cup of coffee that had long gone cold as he flipped through the papers. Gossip headlines screamed up at him from the page, each more ridiculous than the last.
This time, apparently, heâd caught you with a younger gigolo.
The article suggested youâd run off with the man because he couldnât keep up with your voracious appetite.
Bruce stared at the headline for a long moment.
His jaw tightened. His fingers creased the paper.
âRemind me,â he muttered darkly, âto buy the Gotham press and fire this journalist.â
âOf course, Master Bruce,â Alfred replied with a weary sigh, already far too accustomed to damage control of this variety.
Before anything more could be said, the sound of heels cut sharply through the room.
âI trust your schedule is open,â you said coolly as you stepped in, gaze locking onto him, âso we can get everything finalized.â
Bruce blinkedâonce. Then again.
Confusion flickered across his face before realization hit like a gut punch.
Your eyes narrowed. âItâs been a month, Bruce,â you said evenly. âTodayâs the day.â
His eyes widened just enough to give him away. âIâI have a meeting this morning,â he said quickly, clearing his throat.
Now it was your turn to blink.
âOh?â you asked, voice deceptively calm. âI donât remember seeing it on the schedule.â
âIt was last minute,â Bruce said quickly, forcing a laugh that sounded way too fake. âYou know how Winston gets.â
He made a point of not looking at Alfred, who regarded him with a look so unimpressed it bordered on judgment.
You studied Bruce for a moment longer than necessary, then let out a slow breath. âFine. After the meeting, then,â you said evenly. âIâll set it up for lunch.â
Bruce nodded a little too fast. âOf course.â
You turned and strode away without another word, heels clicking decisively against the marble. The moment you were out of sight, Bruceâs shoulders sagged. He dropped back into his chair and dragged a hand down his face.
A long, tired sigh left him.
âYou cannot keep postponing this, Master Bruce,â Alfred said quietly. âIf you are unwilling to tell the madam the truth, then you must give her what she wants.â
âI canât, Alfred,â Bruce muttered, staring down at the desk. âI didnât sign the papers.â
Alfred froze.
ââŚWhat?â
Bruce let out a rough breath. âI was hoping,â he admitted, voice low and bitter, âthat sheâd change her mind.â
Alfred closed his eyes for a brief moment, the disappointment unmistakable.
âThen, sir,â he said at last, âyou are not buying time. You are only ensuring that when the truth comes out, it will hurt her far more than honesty ever would.â
Bruce only sighed, heavy and exhausted, staring at nothing in particular.
âMaster Bruce,â Alfred continued quietly, âI have watched the madam for five years.â He folded his hands behind his back. âThe first twoâwhen you were goneâdevastated her. And yet she kept the company afloat. She stood firm while board members challenged her authority, while shareholders doubted her, while the city whispered that Wayne Enterprises would crumble without its heir.â
Bruceâs jaw tightened.
âAnd the last three years,â Alfred went on, âwere met not with your absence, but with your distance. Your coldness. Your relentless pursuit of the cowl, while she stood beside you in name only.â
The silence stretched.
âIf you cannot let her in,â Alfred said softly, âthen you must let her go. Let her find someone who can give her what you refuse to.â
Bruce swallowed.
âI love her, Alfred,â he admitted at last, the words stripped bare of bravado.
âI know,â Alfred replied without hesitation. âThat is why your parents agreed to such a contract when you were still a child. They saw the love between you long before either of you understood what it was.â He paused. âBut sometimes, Master Bruce, loving someone means setting them free.â
Bruce pushed back from the desk abruptly and stood, tension radiating from every line of his body.
âIâm heading to the office,â he muttered, already turning awayârunning from the truth he wasnât yet ready to face.
Five times you called, and five times he let it go to voicemail.
Bruce knew he was late. He knew you were furious for him delaying the meeting. He just didnât know how to tell you the truth: that he had never signed the papers.
A hesitant knock broke the silence.
His assistant cracked the door open, hovering nervously. âMr. Wayne⌠itâs your wife.â
Bruce didnât even look up from where he was staring at the ceiling. âTell her the meeting is taking longer than expected.â
The door closed.
Then opened again.
Bruce exhaled hard, already preparing a sharp rebukeâbut the words died on his tongue when he looked down and saw Clark stepping into the office. One glance at the pitying expression on his face told Bruce everything he needed to know.
Bruce sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. âLet me guess,â he muttered. âItâs your turn to tell me to let her in or let her go?â
Clark tucked his hands into his pockets, striding further into the room. His expression was carefully neutral in that infuriatingly gentle way of hisâbut the concern was there all the same.
âOliverâs worried,â Clark said quietly. âSo am I.â He paused, then added, almost dryly, âAnd for the record, punching me would only hurt you.â
Bruce scoffed and paced once across the office before turning back to him. âYou all seem very invested in my marriage all of a sudden.â
Clark studied him for a long moment before answering. âBecause this isnât just about the marriage.â
Bruce stilled.
âThis is about you,â Clark continued evenly. âAnd the fact that youâre letting paranoia and fear run your life.â
Bruceâs jaw tightened. âYou donât know what youâre talking about.â
âI do,â Clark replied gently. âIâve watched you push people away for years. Iâve watched you convince yourself that protecting someone means keeping them at armâs length.â His gaze didnât waver. âAnd nowââ he gestured vaguely between them, âânow youâre finally facing the consequence of that working.â
Bruce dragged a hand down his face, exhaustion bleeding through the cracks in his control. âSheâs asking me to sign my own damn heart away.â
âNo,â Clark corrected quietly. âSheâs asking you to respect her choice.â
Bruce let out a sharp, humourless laugh. âEasy for you to say.â
Clark didnât rise to the bait. âIs it?â
That made Bruce look at him.
âYou think I donât know what it costs?â Clark continued. âLetting someone see the parts of you that scare you. The parts youâre convinced would break them.â He paused, voice soft but unwavering. âI chose to trust Lois with that. You never gave her that chance.â
âI canât,â Bruce whispered, the word torn from him.
Clark stepped closer, his presence calm but unyielding. âThen let her go.â
âI canât.â
âYouâre hurting her like this, Bruce,â Clark pressed.
Bruce squeezed his eyes shut, jaw flexing. âI know.â
âBruceââ
âI know!â he snapped, the restraint finally shattering. He surged forward, shoving Clark back against the wall, forearm braced at his chest. âI know,â he repeated, voice breaking now, raw and unguarded. âBut I canât. I canât.â
His grip faltered, anger bleeding into desperation. âI love her, Clark. I love her too damn much to let her go.â His voice dropped, hoarse. âAnd I love her so much that Iâm terrified if she gets any closerâif she really sees everythingâsheâll get hurt.â
The admission emptied him.
Bruce sagged, the fight draining out of his body all at once, his forehead dropping forward as if the weight of it had finally become too much to carry alone.
Clark didnât hesitate.
He stepped in and pulled Bruce into a firm, grounding hug, one hand braced between his shoulder blades. Clark exhaled slowly, feeling Bruceâs pain as if it were his own.
Protests sounded behind the door, muffled and franticâbut Bruce barely had time to register them before the doors slammed open.
You stormed in.
âMrs. Wayne, pleaseâMr. Wayne is in a meetingââ
âSave it,â you snapped, already halfway into the office. âThere is no damn meeting. I saw Winston at the restaurant with his wifeâand he looked genuinely confused when I asked about some supposed meeting with Bruce.â
The assistant faltered behind you, but you were no longer listening.
You stopped short.
Clarkâs arms were still around Bruce, in what looked to be an intimate embrace. Bruceâs hair was rumpled, his tie loosened, collar openâdisheveled in a way youâd never seen in public.
Your mouth fell open.
Clark froze first, instinctively stepping back, hands lifting in immediate surrender. âThis isnâtââ
âI can explain,â Bruce said quickly, straightening as he scrambled for wordsâany wordsâto explain why he hadnât shown up for the settlement meeting. âThis isnât what it looks like.â
âYouâŚâ Your eyes flicked between him and Clark. ââŚYou and Clark?â
Bruceâs brows drew together in pure confusion, while Clark promptly choked, his face flushing a deep, unmistakable red.
âWhat?â Bruce asked, completely lost.
You dragged a hand through your hair, pacing once before stopping short, eyes widening as if a realization had just slammed into place. âThat makes so much senseâŚâ
âWhat does?â Bruce pressed, genuinely bewildered. He was still trying to figure out why you werenât yellingâwhy you werenât demanding answers about the meeting.
âAll these years,â you said slowly, disbelief threading your voice, âwhy didnât you tell me you were into men? I wouldâve understood.â
Bruceâs eyes went wide. âWhat?!â
It was your turn to blink. âYou and ClarkâŚ?â You looked between Bruceâs baffled expression and Clarkâs mortified one, your brows knitting together. âYou two arenât together?â
Clark cleared his throat, straightening immediately. âNo, maâam. I assure youâLois and I are very happily engaged. Bruce just⌠tripped.â He gestured awkwardly between the two of them. âAnd you walked in when I caught him.â
You stared at him.
âHe tripped,â you repeated flatly.
Clark nodded far too quickly, already backing toward the door. He shot Bruce an apologetic look. âIâI appreciate you agreeing to the interview, Mr. Wayne,â he said, lying with as much professionalism as he could muster.
And with that, he fled.
The door closed with a soft click, leaving the office awkwardly quiet. You turned back to Bruce slowly. He stood there, shoulders tense, jaw set, clearly scrambling for somethingâanythingâto say.
âThe meeting went late,â he began.
You lifted a hand.
âSave it,â you said coolly. âI saw Winston at the restaurant. There was no meeting.â Your voice didnât rise but it was lined with determination. âEnough is enough, Bruce. Letâs finalize this.â
âY/NâŚâ he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.
âWhat?â You threw your arms out, frustration finally breaking through. âWhat could you possibly say this time?â
His mouth opened. Closed. Then, quietlyâtoo quietlyâ
âWe canât finalize it.â
Your expression stilled. âExcuse me?â
âWe canât finalize it,â he repeated, voice low, steady in a way that made your stomach twist.
âWhy not?â Your eyes narrowed. âEverything is settled for a clean and quick break. I want nothing from you.â
His throat bobbed. âBecause I never signed the papers.â
The words didnât register at first.
âWhat?â you whispered.
âThat night,â he said, barely breathing now, âI never signed them.â
Your jaw clenched, a sharp, aching pressure building behind your eyes. Bruce felt it the moment he saw the tears gather thereâthe betrayal, the hurt, the quiet devastation heâd been trying so desperately to delay.
But you didnât yell.
Without a word, you turned on your heel and walked away, fury radiating off you in controlled, lethal waves.
âY/N!â Bruce called, panic crashing through him as he moved after you, his long strides barely keeping up. He nearly had to run to catch you as you stormed down the corridor, heels striking marble like gunshots.
âStop,â he pleaded. âPleaseâjust let me explain.â
Julie chose that exact moment to step out of the elevators, a bright, hopeful smile on her face and a bakery box cradled in her arms. You nearly collided with her. She gasped in surprise, stumbling backâbut you didnât slow, didnât apologize, didnât even look at her.
Neither did Bruce.
He caught up to you a heartbeat later, fingers closing around your arm.
âY/Nâwait, pleaseââ
You whirled around and slapped him across the face. The sound cracked through the office Gasps rippled outward as heads snapped up from desks and glass-walled offices. Julie dropped the box in shock and rushed forward instinctively, hands already lifting toward Bruceâs face.
âOh my GodâBruceâare you okayââ
He didnât even register her.
His head was still turned from the impact, jaw tight, cheek stingingâbut his eyes were locked on you. And when he saw the tears finally spill, something inside him broke.
âIâve never asked you for anything,â you whispered, your voice breaking despite your effort to keep it steady. âNot your money. Not your time. Not your secrets.â A tear slipped free, tracing down your cheek. âI asked you for one thing. Just this. And you still couldnât give me that.â
Julie bristled, stepping forward like she had a right to be there. âHow could you hit him?â
You let out a hollow, disbelieving laugh and turned on her, eyes flashing. âDonât worry,â you snapped. âIt gives you a chance to kiss it better.â
Then your gaze swung back to Bruce, glaring through the tears.
âMy lawyers will be in touch,â you said coldly. âI wanted to do this cleanly.â Your voice trembled once, then steadied. âBut youâve made it very clear you had no intention of that.â
With that, you pulled free of his grip.
âY/Nââ
You didnât let him finish.
Your hand came up, fingers shaking as you slid off the ring from your finger. For a split second it caught the light, the silver diamond gleaming, before you hurled it at his chest. It struck him just below the collarbone and fell to the floor with a soft, hollow clink.
You shook your head once, conveying your disappointment and disgust, and turned away.
Your heels carried you down the hall toward the elevators, back straight, shoulders tight, every step an act of will. You didnât look back. If you did, you knew you wouldnât keep moving.
Behind you, Julie reached for him, her voice urgent, hands hovering at his arm, his shoulders, as she fussed over him but he still didnât even look at her.
His eyes were locked on you as the elevator doors slid open. Locked on the way your reflection fractured in the polished metal, on the tears you hadnât been able to stop.
He stood frozen, cheek burning, heart in ruinsâwatching the woman he loved disappear as the doors shut, knowing with brutal clarity that this time⌠he might have finally lost her for good.
âI hate him,â you groaned, tipping back your glass and draining it in one go.
âMhm. Heâs an idiot,â Selina agreed easily, already flagging the bartender for another round.
Your phone buzzed against the bar. You glanced down, thumb fumbling slightly as you opened the notificationâand then your vision went red.
There it was.
Bruce, Julie, and⌠Andrew.
You downed another drink without thinking, the burn barely registering. âI hate him, I hate him, I hate him,â you hissed, slamming the glass down. âNow heâs trying to hijack my project.â
Selina leaned in to look at the screen and winced. âYikes.â
âI donât understand what his problem is,â you went on, words spilling faster now, alcohol loosening every restraint youâd been clinging to. âI meanâI walked in on him and Clark in his office today, and for a second I finally got it. I thoughtâoh. Thatâs it. Heâs gay. Thatâs why this marriage never worked.â
Selina choked on her drink. âYou what?â
You didnât hear her, too busy spiralling. âFive years, Selina. Five years I wasted on him. Trying to understand him. Trying to love him.â Your voice cracked, just barely. âIs it me? Because he never had a problem sleeping with meâŚâ
Selina snorted, sharp and immediate. âI promise you, that is very much a him problem.â
You frowned at her, squinting slightly. âWhat do you mean? He never had performance issues or anythingââ You paused, brow furrowing as a new thought occurred to you. âYou know what? If he doesnât want a divorce so badly, maybe I should stop fighting it. Reap the benefits. Find myself a side piece with his money.â You lifted your glass in grim mockery. âI mean, he has Julie. Why canât I have my own?â
Selinaâs eyes widenedâand she had to bite down hard to keep from laughing.
âIf you did that,â she said, barely holding it together, âIâm pretty sure Bruce would finally break his no-kill rule.â
âMhm,â you nodded solemnly, as if this were the most logical conclusion in the world. Selinaâs words not truly registering. âMaybe I should. Show him exactly what heâs missing.â
âYeah, no,â Selina said immediately.
You pushed yourself off the barstool anyway, triumphantâonly for the room to tilt violently. Your knee buckled.
âWoah, woahâeasy, kitty,â Selina caught you just in time, looping an arm around your waist. âLetâs postpone your revenge tour until tomorrow, yeah?â
You groaned but didnât argue, your head dropping briefly against her shoulder in defeat.
âGood,â she muttered. âBecause drunk you has terrible judgment.â
She shifted your weight more securely against her and began steering you toward the exit, already fishing her phone out of her pocket. As the cool night air brushed your skin, she brought the phone to her ear and tapped a familiar number.
It rang once.
Twice.
âHello?â Bruceâs voice came through, tense even without context.
âI have a very drunk and extremely pissed-offââ Selina began.
She never finished the sentence. She was cut off as something struck her from behind hard.
The sound was dull and sickening. Selinaâs body went slack instantly, her grip loosening as she collapsed, dragging you down with her. The world lurched, asphalt rushing up to meet you as you hit the floor.
The phone clattered nearby, still connected.
On the other end, Bruceâs voice had turned panicked and demanding.
âSelina?â
A beat.
âSelinaâanswer me. What the hell just happened?â
There was no answer, and then he heard the distant sound of your voice. weak and dazed.
Your senses lagged behind reality. The impact registered too late as Selinaâs weight vanished beside you, her body crumpling bonelessly to the pavement. Your shoulder struck first, then your head, the sound ringing sharp and hollow inside your skull.
Pain bloomedâhot, blinding, swallowing every coherent thought.
âSelinaââ you slurred, trying to crawl toward her. Your fingers scraped uselessly against the asphalt, refusing to obey.
Footsteps approached, measured and unhurried.
âWell,â a voice said pleasantly from somewhere above you.
It sounded distorted, warped by the ringing in your ears. You blinked hard, trying to focus. The world swam, colours bleeding togetherâgreen smearing into black. A cane tapped once against the pavement, the sound sharp and echoing far too loudly in your skull.
âThis is⌠disappointing,â the voice continued, almost thoughtful.
Your vision tilted as you tried to lift your head. The effort made nausea roll violently through you.
âDrunk,â the voice went on, faintly fond. âAlcohol always introduces errors.â
You tried to speak. Tried to scream.
A gloved hand clamped over your mouth, cutting off the sound before it could form. Something pressed against your face, the scent acrid and sharp.
You struggled weakly, panic flaring as your limbs refused to respond.
âShhh,â the voice crooned close to your ear. âYouâre already very bad at staying conscious. Letâs not fight this.â
Your last clear sight was Selina lying motionless beside you, blood dark at her temple, her chest frighteningly still.
Then the world collapsed inward.
And everything went black.
Bruce arrived to chaos.
Red and blue lights cut through the night, washing the pavement in violent flashes. Police officers moved in tight clusters, radios crackling.
His chest seized.
âBruce!â
He turned sharply. Selina was sitting on the edge of an ambulance, an EMT hovering nearby, clearly mid-argument with her. She waved them off with irritation the second she saw him, her head snapping up despite the bandage already wrapped around her temple.
Bruce crossed the distance in seconds.
âWhat happened?â he demanded.
Selina shook her head, frustration and fear threading through her voice. âI donât know. Y/N was upset and drinking. I called you to tell you I was taking her back to her penthouse, and thenâŚâ Her brow furrowed as she searched the moment. âEverything went black. The bastard came up behind me. Knocked me out cold.â
Bruceâs breath stuttered.
âWhen I woke up,â Selina continued, swallowing hard, âshe was gone.â Her eyes locked onto his. âHe took her, Bruce.â
âNo,â Bruce breathed.
The word tore out of him as his gaze swept the scene, frantic now,
âNo. Noââ
An EMT reached for his arm, voice calm but firm. âSir, you need toââ
Bruce shook him off without a second thought.
âBruce.â Selinaâs voice cut through the noise.
He turned back to her just as she reached into her jacket and pulled out a small, neatly folded card. Even from a distance, the colour made his blood run cold.
Bright green.
Slowly, carefully, he unfolded the card, his fingers steady even as something feral clawed its way up his spine.
Inside, a single line was typed.
âWhat did you assume was safeÂ
simply because it was yours?â
Bruceâs jaw clenched, the card crumpling in his fist as something raw and violent surged through him. He turned and stormed off without a word, ignoring the officers calling after him, brushing past EMTs who tried to slow him down. Nothing mattered except one thing.
You.
Behind him, Selina watched the moment his control finally snappedâand took her chance. She slipped out of the ambulance before anyone could stop her, landing lightly on her feet and disappearing down the alley. In seconds, she was scaling the brickwork, agile as ever, until she reached the rooftop where two familiar figures stood watching the chaos below.
âYou think thisâll work?â Oliver asked, arms crossed, eyes never leaving Bruceâs retreating form.
Selina scoffed. âNygma owes me a favour. He knows better than to hurt her.â
Clark tilted his head, eyes unfocusing as he listened to something only he could hear. After a beat, he relaxed slightly. âSheâs fine. Still out cold.â He looked at Selina, uncertainty flickering across his face. âAre we sure this is the right way to handle this?â
âRelax, Boy Scout,â Selina said dryly. âThatâs why youâre hereâto get her out if anything goes sideways before Bruce finds her.â Her gaze sharpened. âHe needs this push. Otherwise heâll let her go, convince himself itâs the right thing to do, and rot in his misery instead of fighting for her.â
Oliver nodded slowly. âSheâs not wrong. You know how morally self-destructive Bruce can get.â
Clark sighed, the sound heavy with reluctant agreement.
Below them, Gotham raged onâunaware that its darkest knight had just been given a reason to burn the city apart if he had to.
You came back to consciousness slowly.
The ache in your head was the first thing you noted and the second was the awareness that something was wrong. A faint hum vibrated beneath you, mechanical and steady, like a server room.
You tried to move.
Your wrists were bound but found yourself secured against the cool metal of an armrest. The chill seeped into your skin. Overhead, a single light burned bright, casting harsh shadows along concrete walls painted an unsettling, nauseating shade of green.
âGood,â a voice said calmly, almost pleasantly, âYouâre awake.â
You lifted your head, vision swimming.
Edward Nygma stood several feet away. His suit was perfectly pressed, his posture relaxed. The glare from the light reflected off his glasses, obscuring his eyes and making him look less like a madman and more like a professor preparing a lecture.
âOhâdonât bother screaming,â he added mildly. âThe soundproofing is excellent. Very expensive.â
Your throat felt dry as sand. âWhat do you want?â you managed.
Riddler smiled faintly. Looking almost curious.
âI want an answer,â he said calmly. âAnd youâre going to help me get one.â
He stepped closer, the soft click of his shoes echoing in the too-quiet room, and placed a single bright green card on the table in front of you. The typed text, perfectly aligned, stared back at you.
âConsider this,â he continued, voice smooth. âA riddleâfor you.â
Your mouth felt like cotton as you leaned forward just enough to read it.
âWhat man disappears at night,
yet leaves his shadow everywhere?â
You frowned, confusion knitting your brows as you read it again.
You shook your head, irritation cutting through the fog in your thoughts. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
He studied you for a long moment, head tilting slightly, as though you were a specimen under glass. His gaze sharp and assessing.
âInteresting,â he murmured.
âI donât play riddles,â you snapped, the words coming out harsher than you intended. âIf this is about Bruceâif you think kidnapping me gets you moneyââ
âOh, no,â he interrupted. âMoney is boring.â
He began to circle you, footsteps soft against the concrete, unhurried. The faint hum in the room seemed to grow louder with every step he took.
Your pulse picked up. âYouâre not making sense,â you snapped. âIf itâs not money, then what do you want?â
Riddler stopped directly in front of you. For the first time since you woke, his expression shifted, looking genuinely puzzled.
âYou really donât know,â he said.
âKnow what?â
He straightened slowly, studying you as if recalculating something in his mind.
âYou donât know,â he repeated, this time with a trace of disappointment. âHow deeply inefficient.â
You let out a frustrated groan, your head tipping back against the chair. âAgainâif this is about Bruce,â you said flatly, âI hate to break it to you, but weâre divorcing.â
Riddler looked at you again, eyes narrowing.Â
ââŚDivorcing,â he repeated slowly, testing the word.
âYes,â you snapped. âSo if this is some leverage play, congratulationsâyou kidnapped the wrong woman.â
Silence stretched.
Riddler adjusted his glasses, studying you the way one might study a malfunctioning instrument.
âNo,â he said at last, voice tightening with displeasure. his expression darkened and something manic entered his gaze. âNo, no, no⌠that wonât do at all.â
âWhat wonât?â you demanded.
Suddenly, the room erupted.
Alarms screamed to life, sharp and piercing. Riddlerâs head snapped toward a nearby monitor as lines of green code began cascading down the screen far too quickly to decipher.
ââŚAh,â he murmured, almost fondly as the darkness in his expression seemed to vanish. âIt seems someone finally found us.â
The lights cut out.
Darkness swallowed the room whole.
A violent crash split the air. Metal screamed as it tore free, followed by the unmistakable sound of somethingâsomeoneâlanding with a heavy thud.
Your breath caught.
A silhouette moved through the dark, tall and solid, every step looking predatory. The very air around him felt as if it was charged with barely restrained violence.
âStep away from her,â a low, gravelly voice commanded.
Batman.
He was on Riddler in seconds.
You barely registered the fight beyond flashes of motionâblack against green, a blur of limbs. There was a sound of bone meeting concrete. A sharp grunt cut short. Riddlerâs cane clattered uselessly across the floor before his body followed, hitting hard and not getting back up.
Heavy boots approached. You felt him before you saw him. There was sharp clink as the metal cuffs released you and you immediately rubbed your wrist.Â
A gloved hand reached out, careful now, nothing like the force heâd used moments ago.
You took it and tried to stand.
Your legs immediately betrayed you.
A sharp gasp left your lips as the room tilted, and before you could even think to be embarrassed, he was already thereâone arm braced around your back, the other steady at your knees. You clutched his suit instinctively, fingers digging into armoured fabric as he lifted you with effortless strength, as if you weighed nothing at all.
âIâve got you,â Batman said, his voice lower now, roughened with something that sounded dangerously close to relief. âYouâre safe.â
He wrapped his cape around your shoulders, cocooning you in warmth, blocking out the sight of Riddlerâs unmoving body behind him. The cape smelled faintly of smoke and rain and something deeply familiar you couldnât quite place.
As he carried you toward the exit, you looked up at himâat the dark cowl, the shadowed line of his jaw, the way his hand stayed firm and steady at your back, thumb pressing once as if to reassure you.
Your chest tightened at such a familiar gesture. You turned your face away, blinking hard, and only then realized he was already moving toward the exit.
âNo,â you said breathlessly. âPleaseâstop.â
He froze instantly, muscles locking beneath the armour.
âWhatâs wrong?â he asked, already scanning the room again, body angling subtly to shield you, prepared for another attack.
âIââ You swallowed, fingers tightening in his cape. âI donât want the paparazzi to see me like this.â
He stared at you for a long moment. âIs there someone I can call?â Batman asked finally. âMr. Wayne.â
A bitter laugh slipped out before you could stop it. âHeâs the last person I want to see right now.â
You let out a slow breath. âI have a high-rise in the East End,â you added quietly. âWould you⌠mind giving me a ride?â
He was silent for a long moment and you prepared for him to deny your request.Â
âAll right,â he said at last.
He turned away from the exit without another glance, cape settling more securely around you as he adjusted his pathâalready choosing a route that would keep you out of sight.
âHold on,â he murmured.
âWeâre here,â Batman said at last.
You peeked up from where your face had been tucked against his shoulder, relief washing through you as solid ground replaced the dizzying rush of rooftops. Being carried across Gotham by a man dressed like a bat wasâdecidedlyânot an experience you ever wanted to repeat sober.
He set you down carefully. Your knees wobbled, and instantly his hands were thereâfirm, steady, almost reluctant to let go until he was sure you had your balance.
âAre you all right?â he asked.
You let out a soft, breathy snort. âYouâd think being kidnapped would sober a girl up.â
His mouth tightened beneath the cowl. âYou need to be more careful drinking at night,â he said. âGotham isnât safe.â
âUsually I am,â you replied, straightening. âTonight was a special occasion.â
He glanced at you, clearly debating whether to ask. You spared him the effort.
âI mean,â you continued, voice sharp-edged with exhaustion, âwhen your husband lets you believe he signed divorce papersâthen casually reveals a month later that he never didâI think it would drive any woman to drink.â
For a moment, he said nothing.
Then, quietly, a sound slipped from him. A low, restrained grunt, almost like a grumble. âStill,â he said, steady and firm, âitâs always best to be careful.â
You hummed softly, the sound thoughtfulâand then you swayed just a little closer than necessary, close enough to feel the solidity of him again. Your voice dropped, almost conspiratorial.
âYou know,â you murmured, âyouâre much nicer than my husband.â
For a fraction of a second, something in him stilled. His hands tightened just enough to keep you upright.
His jaw flexed. âIâm notââ
âDonât,â you interrupted softly, one finger lifting to trail slowly down the hard line of his armoured chest. âI know. Boundaries. Rules. The heroic image to maintain.â You smirked mischievously. âBut even heroes break the rules occasionally.â
His breath caughtâjust slightly. âYouâre not thinking clearly.â
âClear enough to know what I want,â you purred, the boldness in your voice something youâd never allow yourself sober. A faint smile curved your lips. âYou can even keep the mask on. I promise I wonât peek.â
Your fingers lifted to his jaw, brushing along the edge of the cowl. He barely flinchedâbarely breathed. Slowly, you rose onto your toes, closing the last inch between you, and pressed a soft, tentative kiss to his lips.
Bruceâs restraint finally snapped.
Weeks of distance, of watching you slip further from him, of wanting and denying himself all at onceâit shattered in a single breath. A part of him knew this was wrong, knew every rule he was breaking. But another part justified it just as fiercely. You were still his wife. He knew you well enough to know you were sober enough to consent to this. And you had made it clearâyou didnât want the mask off.
His arms came around you, strong and certain, as he kissed you back with a hunger heâd kept leashed for far too long. You gasped when he lifted you effortlessly, your legs instinctively locking around his waist. He moved without hesitation, sure-footed and you were too lost in him to question how easily he seemed to know the layout.
By the time you realized where you were, you were in the bedroom.
Pieces of armour and discarded clothing lay scattered across the floor, silent evidence of how quickly both your and his control had unraveled. He set you down on the bed, and you watched him with parted lips as he removed the last of the heavy plating, revealing the powerful lines of muscle beneath.
Then he reached for the cowl.
Your breath caughtâonly for relief to follow when, beneath it, there was only a simple domino mask. Whatever relief or confusion you mightâve voiced was stolen as he was suddenly there again, his presence overwhelming, his kiss deep and consuming.
His lips devoured yours hungrily, urgency bleeding through every movement. Your fingers clutched at him instinctivelyâone hand gripping his shoulder, the other sliding to his waist, curling up his back.
His mouth found your neck and you arched up, a breathless moan slipping past your lips.
Your fingers brushed over his skin, slow now, deliberate. A scarâraised, familiar beneath your touch. Your breath caught. Your hand shifted slightly, tracing along muscle and heat until you felt another. And another.
The hand at his shoulder slid lower, mapping instinctively, and there it was again.
You stilled, but he didnât seem to notice.Â
Batman's body was a canvas of scars just like Bruce's. They were etched deep, earned over yearsâLike the ones you had traced countless times in the dark, memorizing each ridge and groove without ever questioning where Bruce had gotten them.
Your pulse roared in your ears.
âWhat man disappears at night, yet leaves his shadow everywhere?â
The riddle crashed back into your mind like ice water.
Nygma had been telling the truth, It hadnât been about money. It had never been about money.
Riddler had known something that you hadnât allowed yourself to see. His irritation at the divorce. His certainty. The way heâd looked at you.
The answer had been in your hands all along.
Your breath hitched as the pieces slammed together with brutal clarity.
Your palms pressed flat against Bruceâs chest, shoving him back before you even realized you were moving.
He froze. The movement stopped instantly, concern flickering across what little of his face you could see beneath the mask.
Your breathing was shallow now, uneven. Your eyes dragged over him, no longer seeing the mask meant to hide his identity, but everything beneath it.
Your fingers trembled as they hovered over his skin, tracing paths you had memorized a hundred times before. The same healed gashes. The same ridges beneath scar tissue. All those late nights. All those silences. All the things you had noticed and never questioned.
It was the same body.
Slowly, your gaze lifted to his face.
To the man who vanished night after night, leaving you alone with questions you never dared to askâwhat he was doing, where he was going, who he was withânever once imagining this.
The sound that tore out of you was sharp and breathless, bordering on hysterical. A laugh that didnât belong to humour so much as disbelief.
âYou have got to be fucking kidding meâŚâ
Your eyes burned as they locked onto his.
âYou,â you said hoarsely. âIt was always you.â
Bruce didnât move. Didnât bother to deny it. Didnât reach for you again.
Slowlyâcarefullyâhe lifted his hands away from you, palms open, as if you were something volatile.
âSay it,â you demanded, your voice shaking despite your effort to steady it. âTell me Iâm wrong.â
For a long moment, he only looked at you.
Then, with a deliberate slowness, his hands rose to his face. He hooked his fingers beneath the edges of the domino mask and pulled it free.
Your husbandâs face stared back at you.
The sound that tore from your chest was brokenâhalf laugh, half sobâas the world tilted violently beneath your feet. Tears burned hot and sudden, blurring your vision as everything you had ignored, excused, rationalized came crashing together all at once.
âNo,â you breathed, even as the truth settled deep into your bones. âNoâbecause of course it is.â
Bruceâs face was bare in a way youâd never seen beforeâno armour, no charm. Just devastation written plainly across his face.
âI never wanted you to find out like this,â he said quietly.
âOh, donât,â you snapped, pain sharpening your voice into something jagged. âYou never intended for me to find out. Period.â Your chest heaved as a new thought crystallized. âTell meâwas that why you refused to divorce me? Because I was a convenient cover? An alibi?â
Bruce flinched like youâd struck him.
âNo,â he said immediately. âGod, no.â
You laughed, the sound brittle and sharp. âThen what, Bruce? Because from where Iâm standing, it looks a lot like I was useful. The perfect Wayne wife. Smiling beside you, keeping the questions away while you disappeared every night.â
His hands curled into fists at his sides. âYou were never a cover.â
âThen explain it,â you demanded.
He dragged a hand down his face, the movement slow, showing just how wrecked he felt. His eyes shone with something dangerously close to panic. âBecause I was trying to protect you,â he said hoarsely. âBecause if I stayed distant, you wouldnât start seeing the patterns. You wouldnât put together the connection between me and Batman.â
He swallowed hard.
âAnd you wouldnât be dragged into the darkness I fight every night just to keep this city standing.â
Your chest tightened. Your voice, when it came, was quietâdeadly in its calm.
âSo I was an acceptable loss,â you said. âAs long as Gotham stayed safe.â
His breath hitched. âNo.â His voice broke on the word. âYou were the one thing I couldnât afford to lose.â
You shook your head, tears blurring your vision. âBullshit!â you snapped.
You drew in a sharp breath, forcing your voice down, forcing control back into it even as your hands trembled.
âBullshit,â you repeated quietly. âThatâs just an excuse.â
He took a step toward youâthen stopped, hands flexing uselessly at his sides, as if touching you might shatter what little remained.
âI didnât refuse the divorce because I needed an alibi,â he said, voice raw. âI refused because signing those papers felt like ripping my own heart out.â
âWhat are you saying?â you asked shakily.
You pressed on before he could answer, years of hurt spilling out at once. âI spent years loving what might as well have been a ghost. Making excuses for your absence. Convincing myself the problem was me.â Your voice trembled. âFeeling used. Alone. Like an afterthought whenever you finally decided to show up.â
Bruce closed his eyes, like every word was another stab to his heart.
âIf youâd told me,â you whispered, broken now, âI wouldâve stayed.â A tear slipped free. âI wouldâve chosen you.â
That was what finally broke him.
âI know,â he said, the words barely audible, like they were torn straight from his chest. âAnd thatâs what terrifies me.â His breath hitched. âY/N⌠I love you. I love you so much that Iâve been selfish. So selfish that Iâd rather keep you safe at any costâeven if it meant doing everything except the one thing I shouldâve done.â
He dragged a shaky hand through his hair, eyes shining, voice rough with emotion heâd been holding back for years.
âI wake up every night knowing there are people out there who would use you to hurt me,â he went on. âPeople who would enjoy it.â His jaw tightened. âAnd every time I put that mask on, I tell myself the same lieâthat keeping you in the dark keeps you safe.â
âBut it didnât, did it?â you said, your voice stripped of emotion. âTonight is proof of that.â
Bruce flinched.
âI know,â he admitted hoarsely.
You drew in a steady breath, forcing your voice to remain even. âWe live in Gotham, Bruce. We come from two of the richest families in the city. Danger was never something we could opt out ofâBatman or not.â
You met his eyes then, unwavering.
âI was always a target,â you continued quietly. âBecause of my name. My money. My influence. The difference is that while you were preparing for that reality, I was being kept ignorant of it.â
You shook your head.
âYou didnât make the world safer for me,â you said. âYou just made me less prepared to face it.â
Bruceâs shoulders slumped, his head bowing his head because you were right. Everyone had told him the same thing, over and over. Let her in, or let her go. And still, he had clung to the space in between, too stubborn and too afraid to choose.
Afraid you would get hurt.
Afraid this world would be too much for you.
Afraid that if you truly saw him, you wouldnât accept what you found.
So he had done the one thing he knew how to do best.
He had taken control and made the decision to keep everything concealed from you.
And in doing so, heâd hurt the one person heâd been trying so desperately to protect.
âI was terrified,â he admitted quietly. âTerrified youâd look at me and see a monster. That youâd realize loving me meant living with thisââ he gestured helplessly to the suit, the scars, the truth ââand walk away.â
His voice broke.
âSo I chose for you,â he said quietly. âAnd I was wrong.â A breath shuddered out of him. âIâm sorry.â
You stared at him for a long moment, stunned by the rawness in his voice. Your mouth opened, then closed againâtoo many thoughts colliding, none of them lining up neatly. Youâd spent years bracing yourself against his distance. You didnât know what to do with this version of him.
âAnd what about Julie?â you blurted at last.
The name seemed to genuinely catch him off guard. His brows pulled together. âWhat about her?â
You let out a hollow scoff. âShe has been in love with you forever, everyone knows it.â
âAnd?â
âAnd what, Bruce?â The words came out sharper than you meant, tears blurring your vision despite your effort to hold them back. âI know sheâs the one you truly love. Iâm just the one you were forced to be with.â
His expression shifted instantlyâshock, then something like hurt. âWhat are you talking about?â he asked, voice rising. âThe only person Iâve ever loved is you. I never even touched Julie.â
You laughed bitterly, the sound breaking in your throat. âYou two were always together, going out for lunch and dinner. She clings to you shamelesslyââÂ
âY/N, thatâs notââ Bruce tried to cut in, already shaking his head.
You shot him a sharp look, stopping him cold. âDonât,â you said, voice trembling but firm. âI saw you two kiss.â
Bruce stiffened. âWhen?â
âBack in university,â you said, swallowing hard. âIn the hall. When no one else was around.â
For a split second, he looked genuinely confusedâthen his eyes widened, memory snapping into place. âThatâs not what you think.â You scoffed, but he didnât let go. Instead, he caught your hand and pulled you closer, his other hand rising to cup your face, forcing you to look at him.
âIâm serious,â he said urgently, the words tumbling out of him now that the truth was finally in the open. âI came to pick you up from class when she approached me. She told me how she felt, it caught me completely off guard. And she took the chance to try and kiss me.â
Your breath hitched.
âI pushed her away before she could,â he continued, voice rough, desperate for you to believe him. âI told her it was never going to happen. That it was always you.â His hand tightened around yours. âI never loved her,â he said firmly. âNot once. Not for a second. You have always been the only woman for me. There has never been anyone else.â
Your gaze searched his faceâreally searched itâand what you found there wasnât deflection or guilt, but raw sincerity. He looked like the boy youâd fallen in love with long before Gotham had beat him down.
âIâm sorry,â he said again, his voice softer now, stripped of its defences. âFor every night I wasnât there. For every truth I buried. For letting you believeâfor even a momentâthat you were anything less than the center of my world.â His breath shook. âIf she bothers you this much, then sheâs gone. Whatever you want, Iâll give you. Justââ his voice broke, âânot a divorce. I canât lose you.â
Your breath hitched at the raw desperation in his words.
âThen why?â you asked, your voice shaking despite yourself. âWhy did you let her hang around you? All those lunches, the dinners, the way she was always thereâwhy?â You searched his face, aching for an answer that would finally make sense of it all.
He hesitated, eyes flicking away as his jaw tightened. His head shook slowly. âIâŚâ
You laughed bitterly, the sound thin and fragile. âYou still donât get it,â you sighed as you pulled away from his touch. âTrust, Bruce. This all comes down to the fact that you still donât trust me.â
âDo you have any idea what it feels like,â you continued, words spilling faster, sharper, âto love someone whoâs always half gone? To lie awake wondering if tonight is the night you wonât come backâand not even knowing why?â Your throat tightened. âTo feel unstable inside your own marriage?â
Line of guilt carved deep into his face.
âEven now,â you went on, voice cracking, âyou wonât tell me why you kept Julie so close.â You shook your head. âDo you know what that did to me? It made me feel like I wasnât even an option. Like I was unwanted. Like I was something you settled for.â
âThat was never true,â he said hoarsely.
âIt doesnât matter,â you said quietly. âBecause thatâs how you made me feel.â You swallowed. âNow youâre telling me it was all for my protection? That the pain I went through was just⌠acceptable collateral damage in your eyes?â
âYou were never collateral,â he said immediately, the words ripped from him.
âBut somewhere along the way,â you replied softlyâdevastating in its calm, âyou decided my feelings were expendable. In the name of safety and secrecy.â You held his gaze, unflinching. âAt least in your calculations.â
He looked at you like the ground had fallen away beneath him.
âI thought loving you meant carrying the burden alone,â he said quietly. âShielding you from the darkness thatâs been my life.â
Tears slipped free before you could stop them. You wiped them away angrily, refusing to let them soften your resolve.
âLove isnât martyrdom, Bruce,â you said. âItâs partnership. Itâs choosing each other with the truthânot in spite of it.â
He nodded slowly. âIâm realizing that now.â
Silence stretched between you. It was fragile and raw, honest in a way it had never been before.
At last, he spoke again, voice low. âI canât promise youâll be safe. Not if you stay. Not if you know everything.â
Your heart thudded painfully in your chest as you held his gaze. âIâm not asking for safety,â you said. âIâm asking for choice.â
Something in him shifted. You saw it in the way his jaw tightened, then easedâas if a long-held tension finally loosened.
âThen whatever you choose,â he said softly, resolute. âIâll live with it.â
You exhaled, your breath trembling as it left you. âNot tonight.â
Pain flickered across his face, but he didnât argue.
âI need time,â you continued. âTime to decide if I can forgive you. Itâs years of hurt and neglect, Bruce. I canât look past that so easily.â
He nodded once, the motion dejected. âTake all the time you need.â
You turned to leave, but he reached out and caught your hand once again.
âAnd Julie,â he said softly. âGive me until Monday to explain. Please.â
You didnât answer.
Instead, you slipped your hand out of his grip and got off from the bed, gathering your dress, and pulling it on with a strange feeling of detachment. When you walked away, you didnât look back.
For the first time, it was you leaving Bruce alone in the bed.
Behind you, Bruce Wayne stayed perfectly still, realizing that saving Gotham had never been his greatest test.
â doomsday is close at hand, i'll book the marching band... â
word count: 20,876
you
âThe steady, rhythmic hum of the industrial ventilation fan was more than just background noise; it was a physical sensation, a white noise frequency that vibrated deep within the marrow of your bones. It was a heavy, mechanical lullaby, a stark contrast to the silence you were used to, and it had pulled you into a sleep so deep it felt less like resting and more like a comatose shutdown of your entire nervous system.
âThe second thing you registered was the heat.
âIt wasn't the sharp, demanding, incandescent burn of the sun that you were accustomed to as a child of Apollo. It wasn't the kind of heat that blistered and demanded attention. This was a grounding, encompassing warmth. It smelled of cedar shavings, high-grade motor oil, and something spicy and earthyâlike old cinnamon sticks and heated copper. It felt heavier than a weighted blanket but safer than a celestial bronze shield.
âYou blinked your eyes open, instinctively flinching in anticipation of the blinding yellow sunlight of the Apollo cabin or the jarring, discordant twang of Michael tuning his ukulele at the crack of dawn.
âInstead, you were met with the dim, amber glow of safety lights and the steel underside of a reinforced bunk bed.
âYou tried to sit up, panic flaring briefly in your chest, but a heavy, solid weight across your waist tightened, effectively pinning you back down into the mattress.
ââFive more minutes,â a voice rumbled directly against the shell of your ear. The sound was so deep it vibrated through your entire chest wall, resonating in your lungs.
The memories of the previous night crashed into you with the violence of a tidal wave.
âThe neon lights of the arcade.Â
The long drive.Â
The tension.Â
Luke.Â
The closet.Â
The smell of the closet mixed with fear.Â
The unwanted kiss.
The impact of your fist.Â
The running.Â
Marco.
âYou froze, your breath hitching audibly in your throat. You were in the basement of Cabin Nine. You were in Marcoâs bed. And he was wrapped around you like a koala, his face buried in the crook of your neck, his breathing slow, rhythmic, and unbothered.
âYou turned your head slightly, wincing at the stiffness in your neck. A digital clock on the workbench glowed with menacing, bright red numbers: 12:15 PM.
ââOh my gods,â you rasped, your voice sounding wrecked, like youâd swallowed a handful of gravel. âMarco. Marco, wake up.â
âMarco grunted, the sound sending a vibration against your spine. One eye cracked openâgolden-brown and hazy with the fog of deep sleep. He blinked at you slowly, processing, before a lazy, lopsided smile spread across his face. It was the kind of smile that made your heart do a traitorous, frantic little flip inside your ribcage.
ââMorning, Doc,â he murmured, his voice thick and rough, draped in sleep. âOr... afternoon, I guess.â
ââItâs noon,â you panicked, the adrenaline kicking in as you tried to untangle yourself from the cocoon of heavy wool blankets and heavy limbs. âItâs lunchtime! I missed inspection! I missed archery practice! Lee is probably having a coronary! Everyone probably thinks I was eaten by a harpy or kidnapped by a rogue cyclops!â
âMarco sat up, rubbing his face with his calloused hands. He looked effortlessly, unfairly goodâhair messy and sticking up in tufts, shirtless, the waistband of his boxers just visible above his grey sweatpants. His skin held the faint sheen of sleep, and his muscles moved with a fluid, easy grace.
âMeanwhile, you felt like a train wreck that had been set on fire. Your eyes felt swollen and gritty from crying, your hair was a bird's nest of tangles, and you were still wearing his oversized hoodie.
ââBreathe,â Marco chuckled, his hand shooting out to steady you as you nearly tripped over a stray cog on the concrete floor. âIâm sure they haven't sent out a search party yet. Well... Maybe a small one. Knowing Will, heâs probably bribing the satyrs with tin cans to track your scent.â
ââI need to go,â you said, looking down at yourself in horror. You were still wearing your jeans from the night before, but they felt stiff, restrictive, and uncomfortable. âI canât go out like this. I look like I fought a raccoon and lost.â
âMarco stood up, stretching his arms above his head with a groan that made his back crack, before walking over to his dresser. He rummaged through a drawer, the metal sliding with a screech, and tossed you a bundle of orange fabric and grey fleece.
ââHere,â he said, his voice dropping to a gentler register. âMy camp shirt and a clean pair of sweats. Itâs better than stiff denim.â
âYou caught them, clutching the fabric to your chest, your face flushing hot. âThank you.â
âTen minutes later, you were standing in front of a polished sheet of celestial bronze that served as a mirror in the corner of the workshop.
âYou looked ridiculous.
âMarcoâs orange Camp Half-Blood shirt hung off your shoulders, the neckline slipping to reveal your collarbone, the hem reaching your mid-thigh like a dress. The sweatpants were even worse; you had to roll the waistband three times just to get them to stay on your hips, and you still had to hold them up with one hand to keep them from sliding down. You were literally drowning in his clothes.
ââI look like a toddler playing dress-up,â you groaned, tugging at the excess fabric.
âMarco walked up behind you, resting his chin on top of your head. He met your eyes in the reflection, his expression softening into something adorably sweetâan adoration so potent it made your knees feel unstable.
ââYou look comfortable,â he corrected, his large hands resting lightly on your shoulders, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the fabric. âReady to face the music?â
ââNo,â you whispered, your grip on the sweatpants tightening until your knuckles turned white. âLuke will be there.â
âMarcoâs expression hardened instantly, his jaw set. The softness vanished, replaced by a stoic, iron-willed protectiveness. âI know. And Iâll be there too. He won't come near you, Y/n. I promise. If he steps within five feet, Iâll introduce him to my fist.â He took your free handâthe one not desperately holding up your pantsâand laced his fingers through yours, squeezing tight. ââCome on, letâs go get some food.â
âThe journey to the dining pavilion felt less like a walk to lunch and more like a walk of shame. The sun was high and blinding, beating down on the strawberry fields and the volleyball courts with an oppressive cheerfulness. You kept your head down, clutching Marcoâs hand like a lifeline, while your other hand desperately clamped the oversized sweatpants to your waist.
âWhen you ascended the white limestone steps to the open-air pavilion, the noise was a physical wall. Plates clattering, dryads gossiping in the vines, satyrs chasing nymphs, and the Ares cabin shouting war cries over mac and cheese and brisket.
âThen, you walked in.
âIt started with a ripple of silence near the entrance, spreading outward like a shockwave until the entire pavilion fell into a hush. The cacophony died, and dozens of eyes turned to look at you.
âFor a second, nobody spoke. The silence was heavy, suffocating. They just stared at the senior counselor and head of the Apollo cabin, who had been missing all morning, walking into the pavilion hand-in-hand with the head of the Hephaestus cabin, wearing clothes that were clearly three sizes too big for her.
âThen, chaos erupted.
ââSHE LIVES!â Travis screamed, standing up on the Hermes table bench and throwing a dinner roll into the air like confetti. âMOTHER HAS RETURNED FROM THE WAR!â
ââWe thought you were harpy chow!â Connor yelled, jumping up beside his brother, knocking over a goblet. âLee was about to organize a weeping circle! He already picked out the hymns! âSound of Silenceâ was on the setlist!â
ââIs that...â Silena lowered her goblet, her eyes narrowing with laser-like precision on your outfit. A slow, mischievous grin spread across her perfectly painted lips. âIs that his shirt that I see? And his sweatpants?â
ââOh, the scandal!â Chris whistled, catcalling from the Hermes table. âScandal in the pantheon! Look at the fit! That shirt is swallowing her whole!â
âYou felt your face catch fire, the heat traveling from your neck to your hairline. You tried to hide behind Marcoâs broad frame, but he was grinning, completely unbothered, his thumb continuing to trace calming circles on the back of your hand.
ââHey!â Travis shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth like a megaphone. âMarco! Did you shrink in the wash, or is Y/n wearing your entire wardrobe?â
ââShe was cold!â Marco shouted back, his voice calm, amused, and echoing slightly off the marble columns.
ââCold?â Connor cackled, clutching his stomach. âItâs eighty degrees out! Someone check the thermo something! Apparently, mother Y/n is suffering from hypothermia, and only the body heat of a certain mechanic can save her!â
âItâs thermostat, you idiot!â Annabeth corrected from the Athena table, shaking her head at the son of Hermes, though she was trying to suppress a smirk.
ââLook at the pants!â Clarisse bellowed from the Ares table, pointing a steak knife at you like an accusation. âSheâs holding them up! One strong breeze and we have a situation, people! Get that girl a belt!â
ââItâs a fashion statement!â Silena defended loudly, though she was giggling behind her hand. âItâs called âBoyfriend Chicâ! Look it up, you heathens!â
âThe word âboyfriendâ made the pavilion explode again.
ââFINALLY!â Dawn screamed, her high-pitched voice cutting through the noise like a sonic arrow. âI can stop betting my dessert! I knew it! I knew it!â
ââPay up, Michael!â Lee slammed his hand on the Apollo table, rattling the silverware. âI told you! I told you they were together!â
ââI didn't say they weren't!â Michael argued, standing on his seat to be heard over the din. âDang it, sis! You owe me five drachmas!â
âYou groaned, burying your burning face in Marcoâs bicep. The cotton of his shirt smelled like himâclean laundry and smoke. âI hate them. I hate them all. Can we go back to the basement? I want to live under a rock. I want to be a geode.â
ââIgnore them,â Marco whispered, squeezing your hand, his voice a low rumble against your ear. âJust keep walking. Chin up.â
âYou let Marco lead you. Instinctively, you started heading toward the Apollo table, but then you froze. Your feet felt like they had been soldered to the floor.
âTo get to the Apollo table, you had to pass the Hermes table.
âAnd sitting at the head of the Hermes table, looking like a thundercloud in a room full of sunshine, was Luke.
âHe was sitting with his girlfriend, Lacy, the daughter of Athena and Annabethâs older half-sister. She was blonde, pretty in a sharp, intellectual way, and completely doting on him, dabbing at his face with a napkin.
âLukeâs arm was draped over her shoulders in a casual, possessive pose. He was laughing at something she said, acting for all of the world like nothing had happened. Like he hadn't pinned you to a wall twelve hours ago. Like he hadn't shattered your trust.
âExcept for his face.
âHis nose was swollen to twice its normal size, turning a gruesome shade of purple and black. There were butterfly bandages across the bridge, and his eyes were ringed with faint bruisingâraccoon eyes from the impact of your punch.
âAs you walked in, his laughter died in his throat, and he looked up.
âHis dark whiskey eyes locked onto you. Then, they drifted down. They took in the oversized orange shirt that smelled like Marco. They took in the grey sweatpants pooling at your ankles. They took in Marco's hand intertwined with yours.
âThe look on his face was terrifying. It wasn't just anger; it was a cold, sharp shock. It was the realization that you hadn't just run away from him last nightâyou had run to someone.
âHe glared at Marco with a hatred so potent it felt like it raised the temperature in the room.
âYou flinched, your grip on Marcoâs hand tightening to the point of pain. The ache in your chest wasn't just fear; it was grief. That was your best friend sitting there. That was the boy you had loved for three years. And now he was looking at you like you were a traitor while holding another girl close.
âIt hurts, you thought, biting your lip to fight back the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. It hurts so much. Why canât we just go back to how it was? Why did he have to ruin it?
âMarco sensed the spiral instantly. He shifted his body, putting himself directly between you and Lukeâs line of sight. A solid wall of protective muscle blocking out the storm.
ââCome on,â Marco said loud enough for the nearby tables to hear, his tone final. âYouâre sitting with me today.â
âHe guided you past the Apollo table, past the stunned looks of your siblings, and led you straight to the Hephaestus table.
âYou didn't eat. You pushed a piece of brisket around your plate while Charlie Beckendorf stared at you with questions burning in his dark eyes.
ââI canât do this,â you whispered to Marco after five minutes. The air felt too thin, but it was enough to choke. âI can feel him staring at me. It feels like heâs burning a hole through the back of my head.â
ââLetâs go,â Marco said immediately. He didn't hesitate. He grabbed two apples and stood up, pulling you with him.
âYou fled the pavilion, ignoring the whispers that trailed behind you like smoke, and headed straight back to the sanctuary of cabin nine.
âInside the cool, soot-stained interior of the cabin, the noise of the outside world faded. Marco lifted you onto one of the high stainless-steel workbenches. He stood between your knees, his hands resting on your waist, grounding you, tethering you back to earth.
ââYou okay?â he asked softly, searching your face.
ââI donât know,â you whispered, picking at the loose threads on the hem of his shirt. âHe was acting like nothing happened, Marco. He was sitting there with Lacy, laughing. And I... I just wanted to go over there and shake him. I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask him why heâs doing this. Why does he hate me so much now?â
ââHe doesn't hate you,â Marco said, his voice hard, lacking any sympathy for the son of Hermes. âHeâs obsessed with owning you. Thereâs a difference.â
ââI miss him,â you confessed, the words tasting like poison on your tongue. âI know I shouldn't. I know he assaulted me. I know heâs being a jerk. But heâs Luke. Heâs my best friend. I keep on hoping... I keep on hoping heâll just wake up and apologize, and itâll be okay again.â
âMarco looked at you with sad understanding. He didn't scold you. He didn't tell you to get over it. He just brushed a stray hair from your forehead with his thumb. âI know, Y/n. It takes time. Grief isn't linear.â
âBANG.
âThe heavy iron doors of the cabin blasted open, slamming against the walls.
âYou jumped, Marco spinning around, instinctively reaching for a hammer.
âIt was a raid.
âSilena, Clarisse, Chris, and Charlie marched in like a strike team. But they weren't alone. Dawn and Will, your siblings, were right there with them, looking fierce and armed with medical supplies and snacks.
ââWE KNOW YOUâRE IN HERE!â Clarisse roared, marching in with a spear strapped to her back.
ââOkay, cut the crap,â Silena barked, pushing past Charlie. âY/n, look at me. And donât lie. You look like you slept in an industrial dryer, and youâre wearing Marcoâs entire wardrobe. What. Happened.â
ââI...â you stammered, overwhelmed.
ââSURPRISE!â
âSuddenly, right next to the workbench, Travis and Connor Stoll materialized out of thin air. Or rather, they popped out from behind a crate of scrap metal, while Annabeth yanked off her Yankees cap, shimmering into existence out of nowhere.
ââJESUS!â you screamed, clutching Marcoâs arm so hard you left marks. âHow long have you been there?!â
ââLong enough,â Annabeth said grimly, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked tired, angry, and terrifyingly sharp. âLong enough to know something is wrong. Lukeâs nose is broken. He told Lacy he walked into a door. But Lacy isn't stupid. Sheâs my sister; sheâs bound to figure out somethingâs wrong.â
ââAnd you,â Travis pointed at your bruised knuckles. âYou have a corresponding injury. The math isn't hard.â
ââSpill,â Clarisse demanded, slamming the butt of her spear onto the concrete. âNow.â
âYou looked at them. Your family. Your chaotic, nosy, wonderful, terrifying family.
ââWe argued,â you whispered, your voice trembling. âLast night. He... He got pissed about Marco again. He dragged me into the closet by the Big House.â âYou took a shuddering breath, the memory flashing bright and ugly in your mind. ââHe shoved me against the wall. I told him to... Uh, well, get off... And he kissed me. Against my will.â
âThe cabin went dead silent. The only sound was the whir of the ventilation fan. âThen, pure, unadulterated chaos.
ââHE DID WHAT?!â
âClarisse kicked a metal trash can across the room with enough force to dent it. âI AM GOING TO FLAY HIM! I AM GOING TO USE HIS BONES AS TOOTHPICKS! I WILL FEED HIS ENTRAILS TO THE HARPIES!â
ââIâm getting the itching powder,â Will said, his sunny demeanor vanishing, replaced by a cold, clinical rage, which was frankly quite terrifying for a nine-year-old. âThe kind that burns. The kind made from poison ivy concentrate.â
ââIâm building a bomb,â Charlie said flatly, already walking toward the chemical cabinet, pulling on his welding goggles. âNothing big. Just enough to take out eyebrows.â
ââWait,â Annabeth held up a hand. She looked devastated; her grey eyes were stormy, but it was clear that her mind was working at a mile a minute. âLacy... I think she knows.â
ââWhat?â you asked, blinking as the words sunk in.
ââI heard her,â Annabeth said, shaking her head in disgust. âShe was talking to Poppy Blackwood from Demeter this morning. She's aware that Luke is acting like a jealous ex. She's aware he's obsessed with you. Poppy even called his behavior âpassionate intensityâ.â
ââPassionate intensity?!â Silena shrieked, looking ready to murder someone with her bare hands. âItâs abuse! Sheâs enabling him! That isn't romance; it's toxicity packaged in a pretty face!â
ââShe thinks she can fix him,â Annabeth sighed bitterly. âShe thinks if she loves him enough, heâll forget about you. Itâs pathetic. I feel bad for her, but honestly? If sheâs going to stand by him while he treats you like this... Sheâs part of the problem.â
ââWe donât like her right now,â Dawn decided, crossing her arms. âSympathy later. Revenge now.â
ââCapture the Flag,â Chris said, his eyes gleaming with a dangerous light. âTomorrow night.â
ââBut youâre on his team,â Charlie pointed out.
ââNot in spirit,â Annabeth smirked. âHereâs the plan. I'm the defense captain. Iâm going to leave the east flank wide open. Travis, Connor... You guys are on equipment.â
ââWay ahead of you,â Travis grinned, pulling a jar of thick, black sludge from his pocket. âIndustrial grease. Weâre swapping his sword polish. He won't be able to hold his sword. Itâll fly out of his hand the second he swings.â
ââAnd I,â Connor held up a small screwdriver, twirling it between his fingers, âam loosening the rivets on his breastplate. Itâs going to pinch him every time he inhales. Psychological warfare.â
ââYou guys are evil,â Marco said, sounding genuinely impressed, a smirk playing on his lips. âI approve.â
ââWait,â you said, feeling torn, your heart aching. âThrowing the game? Sabotaging him? Guys... Isn't that too much? Heâs still... Heâs still Luke.â
ââHe lost the right to be Luke when he put his hands on you,â Clarisse growled, stepping forward. âHeâs just a target now.â
âYou looked down at your hands. Part of you wanted to stop them. Part of you wanted to protect him because you still remembered the boy who taught you swordplay, the boy who shared his food with you when you forgot to eat. But then you remembered the fear. You remembered the way he caged you in. You remembered the entitlement in his touch.
ââOkay,â you whispered, despite the ache that clawed up your chest. âDo it.â
ââSo,â Travis leaned against the workbench, crossing his ankles as he looked at Marco with a shit-eating grin. âSince Luke is officially a deadbeat ex... does this mean we have a new dad?â
âMarco blinked, caught off guard. âExcuse me?â
ââDad!â Connor cheered, pointing at the son of Hephaestus. âStepdad Marco no more! You have been promoted! Full custody!â
ââI... I didn't apply for this position,â Marco stammered, his ears turning a bright, violent pink.
ââToo bad.â Travis clapped him on the shoulder. âYou fed us. You've bonded with us. Youâre harboring the fugitive mom in your basement. Youâre a dad now. Congratulations, itâs a... a lot of us. Child support is due on the first.â
ââAnd Luke is worse than a deadbeat,â Chris muttered darkly. âHeâs the guy who shows up to the family reunion just to start a fistfight and ruin the potato salad.â
âMarco looked down at you, the shock fading into a slow, teasing smile. He nudged your shoulder with his own. ââDid you hear that?â he murmured, his voice dropping to that low, husky register that sent shivers down your spine. âLooks like Iâm the camp husband now. Better get used to it, wifey.â
âYou swatted his arm, your face burning hotter than the forge. âDon't get cocky with me, Leon. I can still demote you to the couch.â
ââYes, maâam.â Marco chuckled. âThen, right in front of everyone, he leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to the top of your head. It wasn't showy. It wasn't a performance for an audience. It was soft, gentle, and utterly knee-weakening.
ââSo now youâve moved to subtle kissing, Marco?â Silena teased, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. âLast night it was hand-holdingâyes, I saw you two holding hands in the van last night, don't look at me like thatâand today itâs domestic affection? Speaking of which, what were you doing in that basement all night? Nyssa said she saw you two walking out of said space earlier.â
ââSleeping!â you shrieked, mortified at the implication of the question.
ââSure,â Chris drawled, rolling his eyes. âJust sleeping. In the same bed. Alone. In the dark. With the door locked.â
ââWE WERE!â you insisted, your voice cracking.
ââWait,â Silena turned to Charlie, her eyes narrowing. âYou live here. You sleep in the bunk closest to the trapdoor. How in the world did you not hear anything?â
ââI sleep like the dead!â Charlie defended himself, raising his hands in surrender. âAnd the fan is loud! I thought the noises were... uh... wind!â
ââYou thought the wind was sobbing?â Clarisse stared at him, scowling as she crossed her arms over her chest. âYou are useless, Beckendorf. Absolutely useless. Revoke your family card now.â
ââOkay, we need to go,â Annabeth interrupted, checking her watch. âLuke might come looking, and if he finds us all plotting here, he'll get suspicious. Letâs go to the canoe lake. The naiads won't let him near us, and we can strategize.â
âThey started dragging you out, a whirlwind of energy and noise. Clarisse stopped by the workbench and picked up something fuzzy.
ââWhat the Hades is this?â
âShe was holding the giant polar bear Luke had won for you at the arcade the night before. It looked oddly mournful in her grip.
ââOh,â you whispered, the sight of it sending a pang through your chest. âThatâs... Luke gave it to me.â
âClarisse looked at it with disgust, like it was contagious. âBurn it. Charlie, fire up the incinerator.â
ââNo!â you gasped, lunging forward and grabbing the bear. âClarisse, no! Itâs innocent! Itâs just a bear! Look at its scarf! It has nothing to do with him!â
ââItâs a bribe!â Clarisse argued, tugging on its leg. âIt has bad juju! Itâs cursed with ex-best friend energy!â
ââShe has a point,â Travis said, stepping in and petting the bearâs head solemnly. âBut look at it. Itâs a child of the divorce too. It has to pick sides. And clearly, it chooses Y/n.â
ââFine,â Clarisse grumbled, releasing the bear. âBut if it spies for him, it dies. I will kebab it.â
âYou hugged the bear tight to your chest, burying your face in its synthetic fur. Marco wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, a solid, unshakeable weight.
âAs you walked out into the sun, surrounded by your chaotic, plotting, fiercely loving children, you leaned into Marcoâs warmth.
âLuke might have broken your trust, but looking around at the army of demigods ready to go to war for you, you realized he hadn't broken your spiritâŚyet.
marco
âThe afternoon sun over Camp Half-Blood was relentless, a physical weight that pressed down on the strawberry fields and turned the air into a shimmering haze of heat and humidity. The cicadas were screaming in the trees, a deafening buzz that usually drove Marco insane.
âBut down by the canoe lake, the air was different. It smelled of freshwater, wet wood, cheap coconut sunscreen, and the specific, chaotic electricity that only a dozen unsupervised demigods could generate.
âMarco sat on a plaid blanket spread over the grassy bank, his back resting against the rough bark of a weeping willow. The shade was a mercy. His hands, usually stained with grease and busy with tools, were idle for the first time in twenty-four hours. They rested on his knees, drumming a nervous, staccato rhythm against his shorts.
âHe was guarding the shoes. He was guarding the towels. He was guarding the picnic basket. âBut mostly, he was trying to keep his heart inside his chest where it belonged, instead of letting it crawl out and lie at the feet of the girl currently changing in the shed.
ââSo, Dad,â Travis flopped down onto the grass next to him, soaking wet and smelling like algae, stealing a grape from the basket Marco was guarding with his life. âLetâs talk logistics. Now that the divorce is finalizedâand by divorce, I mean Mom punching Luke in the schnozâhow are we handling custody arrangements?â
âMarco sighed, a sound that rumbled deep in his chest like an idling engine. âI didnât file for custody, Travis.â
ââImplied custody,â Connor chimed in, lying on his stomach on Marcoâs other side, propping his chin up with his hands like a wet, chaotic cherub. âPossession is nine-tenths of the law, Marco. And currently, you possess the Mom.â
ââI don't possess her,â Marco corrected automatically, his eyes darting toward the changing shed where Silena had dragged Y/n ten minutes ago. His jaw tightened slightly, a muscle feathering near his ear. âSheâs a person, Connor, not a wrench. You don't own people. You just... You just hold the flashlight for them while they work.â
âIt was a dig at Luke, even if the Stolls didn't fully catch the venom in it. Luke thought he owned her. Luke thought she was an extension of his glory. Marco just wanted to stand near her and make sure her foundation didn't crack.
ââMetaphorically, Dad,â Travis rolled his eyes, popping the grape into his mouth. âWeâre talking about the family unit. Are we doing weekends with Luke? Because honestly, I don't think the environment over at the Hermes cabin is conducive to our growth right now. The vibes are rancid. It smells like Axe body spray and regret.â
ââYeah,â Connor agreed solemnly. âWe want full-time residency at cabin nine. We want to sleep in the basement. We saw the setup. Itâs cozy. Industrial chic.â
ââYou are not sleeping in my basement,â Marco said flatly. âThere are power tools down there that could take your fingers off.â
ââBut Y/n did!â Travis pointed a finger at him. âFavoritism! Scandal! Iâm calling Child Protective Services!â
ââShut up,â Marco groaned, rubbing his face with his hand.
âBut despite the annoyance, the knot of tension that had been sitting in his chest since last nightâsince he opened the door to see Y/n shaking and broken on his doorstepâwas finally beginning to loosen. She was safe. She was here. She wasn't with him.
âThen, the door to the changing shed kicked open.
ââBehold!â Silena announced, stepping out first like a ringmaster presenting the main attraction, gesturing wildly. âI have exorcised the oversized abomination! I have banished the sweatpants of sorrow! I give you... Summer Y/n 2.0!â
âMarcoâs breath hitched. His heart, usually a reliable, steady combustion engine, decided to misfire, sputter, and stall completely.
âY/n stepped out into the sunlight.
âSilena had worked her magic. Gone were Marcoâs baggy grey sweats and the orange shirt that swallowed her whole. In their place, Y/n was wearing a bright, sunshine-yellow bikini top that tied around her neck and a pair of denim shorts. She had a white mesh cover-up thrown over it, but it didn't hide much.
âShe looked like gold. She looked like the sun personified, finally dressed in her fatherâs colors. Her hair was pulled back in a messy braid that Silena had probably woven, and her skin, usually pale from spending too much time in the infirmary or the shade, looked radiant under the natural light.
âShe was also scowling, tugging at the hem of the shorts self-consciously.
ââI feel naked,â Y/n complained, walking toward them, her arms crossed over her chest. âSilena, this is a lot of skin compared to last time. I prefer wearing a rash guard. Rash guards are practical. They prevent abrasion. They offer protection.â
ââRash guards are for surfing and people with bad taste,â Silena dismissed, following her with a bottle of SPF 50 despite the fact Apollo kids don't get sunburns. âYou have amazing legs. The world deserves to see them. Besides, yellow is your color. It matches your aura. Doesn't she look great, Marco?â
âSilena shot Marco a wink that was dangerous enough to be classified as a celestial bronze weapon.
âY/n stopped in front of him, looking down. Her cheeks were flushed pinkâpartly from the heat, partly from embarrassment. She looked unsure, vulnerable, and so lovely it made Marcoâs teeth ache.
ââHey,â she murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
âMarco cleared his throat. Once. Twice. He felt like he had swallowed a handful of lug nuts. His brain was offline. All systems critical.
âSay something, his brain screamed. Do not just sit there like a stunned mullet.
ââYou look...â Marco started, his voice cracking like a pubescent thirteen-year-old. He winced internally, rebooted his vocal cords, and tried again, dropping his register to something manageable. âYou look great, Y/n. Really. Like... wow.â
ââWow?â Travis echoed, snickering. âDad is speechless. Dad is rebooting. Error 404: Vocabulary not found.â
ââShut up, Travis,â Y/n snapped, but she was smiling. She nudged Marcoâs foot with hers. âDon't stare, Leon. Youâll burn a hole through me.â
ââWouldn't dream of it,â Marco lied.
âHe was absolutely staring. He was memorizing. He was calculating the exact angle of the sun hitting her collarbone so he could think about it later when he was alone in the dark. He was cataloging the freckles on her shoulder like they were constellations he needed to navigate by. He wanted to map her. He wanted to build a shrine to the concept of the color yellow.
ââSo, Marco,â Connor leaned in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. âAre you gonna fight Luke for custody? Because looking at the asset right now... Iâd say sheâs worth a duel.â
ââAsset?â Y/nâs head snapped toward the Stolls, her eyes narrowing dangerously. âDid you just call me an asset?â
ââA high-value asset!â Connor clarified quickly, raising his hands in surrender as he scrambled backward. âLike a rare PokĂŠmon card! Or a limited edition celestial bronze wrench set! Compliment! High praise, mother dearest!â
ââWeâre just saying,â Travis added, grinning like a shark. âIf Luke tries to claim visitation rights, you need to be prepared to defend the territory. Marco looks ready. Look at him. Heâs drooling.â
ââI am not drooling,â Marco protested, wiping his mouth just in case.
ââYouâre totally drooling,â Y/n laughed.
âThen, with a speed that reminded everyone she was a skilled archer and a daughter of Apollo, she reached out and whacked both Stoll brothers on the back of the head. Smack. Smack.
ââStop calling me an asset, and stop asking Marco to fight people!â Y/n scolded, planting her hands on her hips. âWe are at the lake. We are relaxing. No fighting. No hypothetical custody battles. Just... swimming.â
ââYes, Mom,â Connor grumbled, fixing his hair. âYou have a heavy hand, you know that?â
ââI punched a son of Hermes in the face last night,â Y/n reminded them sweetly. âDon't think I won't do it again.â
âThe reminder of last night made the air waver for a second. Marco saw a flash of shadow cross her eyesâthe memory of the closet, the fear, the betrayal. He hated that look. He wanted to burn the world down every time he saw it.
âHe held her gaze, trying to project every ounce of safety and stability he possessed. Iâm here. Heâs not. Youâre safe.
âShe softened. Her shoulders dropped. She smiled at him, a genuine, small thing that hit him harder than a sledgehammer to the ribs. ââMove over,â she said, nudging his leg. âI want to sit.â
âMarco scooted over on the blanket, making room against the tree. She sat down next to him, close enough that their arms brushed. Her skin was warm. He felt a jolt of electricity zip straight up his arm and fuse with his spine.
ââThis is nice,â she sighed, looking out at the lake where Charlie and Clarisse were already wrestling in the shallow water, trying to drown each other with aggressive affection. âNo drama. No annoying mindsets about stealing. Just... us.â
ââJust us,â Marco agreed, his voice low. I could do this forever, he thought. Just sitting here and being her armrest.
ââAnd the children,â Travis interjected, grabbing a bag of chips. âDon't forget your dependents.â
ââGo swim, Travis,â Marco ordered. âBefore I build a catapult and launch you into the middle of the lake.â
ââOn it, boss!â
âThe Stolls ran off toward the water, screeching like banshees as they tackled Chris.
âFor a while, they just sat there. The chaos of the camp swirled around them, but on this little patch of plaid blanket, it was peaceful. Marco watched Y/n relax. He watched the tension drain from her neck. He watched her laugh as Will splashed Dawn, and Dawn retaliated by dunking him.
âShe looked happy. Or, at least, happier than she had been in months.
âAnd sitting there, with the smell of her vanilla shampoo mixing with the lake water, Marco realized he was in deep, deep trouble. He wasn't just in love with her, no. He was gone. He was past the point of no return. He was ready to build a house, plant a garden, and fix every leaky faucet in her life until the day he died.
ââItâs getting hot,â Y/n murmured, fanning herself with her hand.
ââYeah,â Marco choked out, staring straight ahead at a duck. It was definitely getting hot.
ââI think Iâm going in,â she decided, rising up to her feet.
âY/n reached for the hem of her white mesh cover-up. With a casual, fluid motion, she pulled it up and over her head, tossing it onto the blanket.
âTime stopped. The earth ceased its rotation.
âThe yellow bikini was... It was modest, technically. It covered the important parts. But to Marco, it was the most devastating piece of engineering he had ever witnessed. It highlighted the curve of her waist, the soft slope of her hips, and the creamy skin of her stomach that rarely saw the sun. The sunlight hit the water droplets on her skin from the humidity, making her glisten like she was made of precious metal.
âShe stretched, arching her back slightly, lifting her arms to fix her braid, completely unaware of the nuclear meltdown occurring three feet away.
âMarcoâs brain short-circuited. His blood decided it had urgent business elsewhere. Specifically, south.
âOh, gods.
âHe felt the heat rush to his face, his ears, and his neck. And lower. Much, much lower.
âPanic set in. Pure, unadulterated panic.
âHe was a seventeen-year-old guy. He was healthy. He was hopelessly in love. And the girl of his dreams was standing in front of him in a yellow bikini that should be illegal in twelve states.
âBiology was a cruel, cruel mistress.
âHe scrambled. He needed cover. He needed a shield. He needed a miracle from the gods.
âHis hand shot out and grabbed the large wicker picnic basket that was resting near his knee. He yanked it onto his lap, clutching it to his chest like it was a holy relic containing the spirit of Hephaestus himself.
ââMarco?â Y/n turned to look at him, blinking those beautiful eyes in confusion. âWhat are you doing?â
ââHungry,â Marco squeaked; his voice was an octave too high. He cleared his throat violently. âIâm... Iâm hungry. Sandwiches. Need to check the... structural integrity of the turkey. Make sure the bread isn't soggy. Moisture content is critical.â
âY/n tilted her head, a small frown appearing between her brows. âYou just ate two apples on the walk over.â
ââMetabolism,â Marco said quickly, sweat beading on his forehead. âItâs fast. Very fast. Working in the forge⌠it burns calories fast. Yep! Lots of calories! Heavy lifting. Anvil tossing.â
âShe laughed, oblivious to his torture. âOkay, weirdo. Well, come on. Letâs go swim. The water looks amazing.â
âShe reached out a hand to pull him up.
âMarco stared at her hand like it was a live grenade. If he stood up right now, there would be no hiding it. There would be a tent pitched in his swim trunks that would be visible from Mount Olympus. The Stolls would never let him live it down. Clarisse would put it in the camp newsletter. He would have to move to Alaska and live with the seals.
ââNo,â Marco said, gripping the basket so hard the wicker creaked in protest. âNo, Iâm good.â
ââWhat?â Y/n paused, her hand hovering. âMarco, itâs ninety degrees. Come in the water. Don't be a spoilsport.â
ââIâm not,â he insisted, shifting the basket higher. âIâm just... Iâm fine here. Really. Iâm supervising. Someone has to watch the... the shoes. And the towels! Harpies love towels. Nesting material. Very dangerous. Known issue.â
ââMarco,â Y/n stepped closer, looming over him. The view from this angle was not helping. At all. âGet up. Don't make me drag you.â
ââI canât!â Marco blurted out, averting his gaze like the respectful guy he was.
ââWhy not?â
ââIâm... allergic,â
ââAllergic to water?â Y/n raised an eyebrow, looking at him like he had grown a second head. âMarco, you showered this morning. You smell like soap.â
ââTo... lake water,â Marco improvised desperately. âItâs the... algae. Sensitive skin. Very delicate. I break out in hives. Itâs ugly. You don't want to see it. Trust me.â
ââDad!â Travis yelled from the water, waving his arms. âGet in here! Weâre playing chicken! I need your shoulders! Connor is teaming up with Clarisse, and Iâm scared for my life! She has a pool noodle, and she knows how to use it!â
ââMarco!â Will shouted, splashing water. âCome on! The turtles are asking for you!â
ââGo help our children, Marco,â Y/n teased, grabbing his arm and trying to haul him up.
ââNo!â Marco anchored himself to the tree root, hugging the basket tighter. âI canât! Y/n, please. Mercy. Go swim. Iâll watch.â
âShe pulled for a second, but he was immovable. He was a statue of shame and desire. Mostly shame. Definitely shame.
âShe sighed, letting go of his arm. She put her hands on her hips, scrutinizing him. Her eyes traveled from his flushed face to his white-knuckled grip on the picnic basket resting suspiciously on his lap.
âA slow realization dawned in her eyes. Not the full truthâshe was too relaxed to figure that outâbut she realized he was hiding something.
ââFine,â she huffed, rolling her eyes playfully. âBe a landlubber. But if you get a heatstroke, don't come crying to me.â
ââDeal,â Marco breathed a sigh of relief.
âShe turned and ran toward the water, her laughter trailing behind her like a melody. Marco watched her go. He watched the way her hips moved. He watched her dive into the water with a splash that sent Will and Dawn shrieking.
âHe slumped back against the tree, exhaling a breath that rattled his ribs.
ââClose call, Leon,â he whispered to himself. âToo close. Keep it together, man.â
âHe kept the basket on his lap for another ten minutes, just to be safe.
âFrom his vantage point on the bank, Marco had a perfect view of the chaos.
âIt was a beautiful disaster. Clarisse and Connor were indeed a terrifying team for the chicken fight. Clarisse was on Connorâs shoulders, swinging a pool noodle with the ferocity of a gladiator. Travis had recruited Charlie, and they were currently engaged in a brutal war.
âSilena was lounging on a floatie shaped like a donut, shouting encouragement and fashion critiques. Annabeth and Chris were dunking each other, plotting strategies for the flag game.
âAnd Y/n.
âShe was in the shallows with the younger kids. Will was clinging to her back like a baby koala, and she was spinning him around, making him shriek with laughter. Dawn was trying to braid Y/nâs wet hair, sticking wildflowers into the strands.
âShe looked... maternal.
âThe thought hit Marco out of nowhere, soft and heavy like a weighted blanket.
âHe watched the way she adjusted Willâs arm floaties, checking the straps with gentle, efficient fingers. He watched the way she wiped water out of Dawnâs eyes. He watched the way she broke up a squabble between two Demeter kids with a stern look and a soft smile.
âShe was a natural. She was nurturing, protective, and patient. Even after everything Luke had put her through, her capacity to care hadn't diminished. It was awe-inspiring.
âMarcoâs mind, traitor that it was, started to wander. It drifted away from Camp Half-Blood, away from the gods and the monsters and the wars.
âHe imagined a house. Not a cabin. A real house. Somewhere quiet. Maybe upstate, or out west. Somewhere with trees and no sirens. It would have a white picket fenceâclichĂŠ, he knew, but Marco liked structure. He liked boundaries. He liked building things that lasted.
âHeâd build the fence himself. Heâd weld the gate. Heâd paint it every spring. He imagined the house having soft yellow shutters. Yellow, like the bikini she was wearing. Yellow, like the sunlight she loved.
âHe imagined a backyard. A swing set that he would design from scratch, reinforced to withstand a hurricane, with bearings so smooth they never squeaked. A garden where she could grow herbs and he could grow... He didn't know; maybe metal flowers that didn't burn things down.
âAnd he imagined her there. Not as a warrior. Not as a counselor. Just Y/n.
âHe saw a little girl running through the grass. Sheâd have Y/nâs messy hair and her infectious laugh. Sheâd be holding a toy Marco built for her. He saw a little boy, quiet and observant, with Y/nâs eyes. Heâd be sitting on the porch steps, helping Marco sand a piece of wood.
ââDaddy, look!â
âMarco, dinnerâs ready!â
âThe fantasy was so vivid, so visceral, that it physically hurt. It was an ache in the center of his chest, a longing so deep it felt like hunger.
âHe wanted that. He wanted it all with her.
âHe looked at her again, laughing as Will splashed her in the face.
âShe was seventeen. He was seventeen. They were kids. They were soldiers in a war they didn't start. The odds of them getting a white picket fence and a quiet life were... statistically insignificant. Demigods didn't usually get happy endings.
âBut looking at her, Marco swore to himself right then and there: I will try.
âHe would fight every monster, build every weapon, and fix every broken thing in this world if it meant giving her a chance at that future.
âEven if he had to wait. Even if she wasn't ready. Even if she still cried over Luke Castellan in the dark. He would wait. He would be the foundation she could build on whenever she was ready. He would be the concrete and the rebar; all she needed to do was ask, and heâd drop everything for her.
ââHey, Marco.â
âMarco jumped, snapping out of his daydream.
âAnnabeth was standing next to him, dripping wet, holding a towel. She had her Yankees cap in her hand.
ââAnnabeth,â Marco said, shifting the picnic basket slightly (just a habit at this point). âYouâre out early.â
ââChris dunked me,â she scowled, wringing out her ponytail. âI need to strategize my revenge. Mind if I sit?â
ââGo ahead.â
âShe sat down on the edge of the blanket. She looked at him, her grey eyes piercing and intelligent. She looked out at the lake, at Y/n spinning Will in circles.
ââYouâre staring,â Annabeth said quietly.
ââIâm observing,â Marco corrected.
ââYouâre planning,â she countered. She turned to look at him. âI can see the gears turning in your head, Marco. Youâre building something. You have that look you get when youâre drafting a blueprint.â
ââJust thinking,â Marco shrugged, tearing his eyes away from Y/n.
âAnnabeth looked back at Y/n. âShe looksâŚhappy. I haven't seen her laugh like that in a long time. Not sinceâŚwell, you get the idea. Luke made her frantic. You make her... calm.â
ââShe deserves to be happy,â Marco said simply.
ââShe does,â Annabeth agreed. She hesitated, then lowered her voice. âLuke... He loved her, in his own messed-up way. But he wanted a partner for the war. He wanted someone to bleed with.â âShe paused, analyzing Marcoâs face. ââYou don't want a soldier, do you?â
ââNo,â Marco whispered, his voice raspy. âI just want Y/n.â
âAnnabeth studied him for a second longer. Then, she nodded, a small smile touching her lips. ââGood. Now, pass me a sandwich. Sabotage makes me hungry.â
âAn hour later, the sun began to dip, casting long golden shadows across the water. The energy in the lake was winding down. The chicken fights had ended (Clarisse won, obviously, mostly because Connor fell off Travisâs shoulders laughing), and people were starting to drag themselves onto the shore, shivering and happy.
âY/n waded out of the water. Her hair was plastered to her skull, her bikini was soaked, and she was shivering as she walked straight to him.
âMarco had finally discarded the picnic basket, confident that the cold water of reality had cooled his earlier situation. He held up a large, fluffy towelâorange, of courseâas she approached.
ââService,â he said, opening it wide.
âShe stepped into the towel, wrapping it around herself instantly. Her teeth were chattering. ââItâs cold,â she stuttered, dropping down onto the blanket next to him.
ââI told you,â Marco chuckled, rubbing her arms through the towel to generate heat. âThermodynamics. Water conducts heat away from the body twenty-five times faster than air.â
ââNerd,â she teased, leaning her wet head on his dry shoulder. She smelled like lake water and happiness.
ââYou have fun?â he asked, resting his cheek on the top of her head.
ââYeah,â she sighed contentedly. âI really did. The Stolls are idiots. Clarisse tried to drown Charlie out of love. Will found a turtle and named it Sheldon.â
ââSounds perfect.â
ââIt was.â She paused, playing with the fringe of the towel. âYou missed out. Why wouldn't you come in? It really wasn't that cold once you got used to it.â
ââI told you,â Marco said, looking away at the trees. âAllergies.â
ââLiar,â she murmured. She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. âYou were hugging that picnic basket like it was filled with gold. What were you hiding, Leon?â
âMarco felt the heat rise in his neck again. âSandwiches. Very valuable sandwiches. Turkey and swiss.â
âShe narrowed her eyes, a slow smile spreading across her lips. She wasn't stupid. She glanced at the basket, then at his lap, then back at his face.
âHer eyes went wide.
ââOh my gods,â she whispered, a blush that matched his creeping up her cheeks. âMarco.â
ââI have no idea what youâre talking about,â he said stiffly.
ââYou...â She started to giggle. Then she started to laugh. âYou wouldn't come in the water because you had a... Oh my gods. Because of theâŚ?â
ââStop,â Marco groaned, covering his face with one hand. âPlease. Have mercy. I am a teenage boy. I am weak. The yellow was... torture.â
ââThat is...â She bit her lip, trying to stop laughing, but failing. âThat is surprisingly flattering. And really, really stupid. No one would have noticed in the water!â
ââI wasn't taking the risk!â Marco argued. âTravis would have seen. He has eyes like a hawk for humiliation opportunities. I would have been nicknamed âTripodâ for the rest of the summer.â
âY/n laughed harder, leaning into his chest. âYouâre ridiculous. Youâre absolutely ridiculous.â
ââAnd youâre freezing,â Marco deflected, wrapping his arm tighter around her. âYouâre shaking.â
ââIâm okay,â she whispered as she settled against him, her damp form heavy and trusting.
âThey sat there as the others dried off. The Stolls were shaking water onto Annabeth like wet dogs. Clarisse was wringing out her hair.
ââHey, Dad!â Travis called out, walking over with a towel around his waist. âWe heading back? Iâm starving. Swimming builds an appetite. And I think Connor swallowed a minnow.â
ââYeah,â Marco said. âLetâs head back. Dinner is in twenty minutes.â
ââCan we ride in the van?â Connor asked. âWalking is for peasants.â
ââThe van is at the Big House garage,â Marco said. âWe walk.â
ââCruel father,â Travis shook his head. âNegligent. Iâm telling Mom.â
âY/n stood up, keeping the towel wrapped tight around her. She looked down at Marco, offering a hand to pull him up.
ââCome on, camp husband,â she teased softly. âWalk me back?â
âMarco took her hand. It was cold and wet, and his was warm and rough. ââAlways.â
âAs they walked back up the hill toward the cabins, surrounded by their loud, chaotic, makeshift family, Y/n didn't let go of his hand. She swung their arms gently between them.
ââMarco?â she asked quietly so that the others wouldn't hear.
ââYeah?â
ââThanks,â she said, looking at the polar bear that Connor was currently carrying for her (he had named it âBartholomewâ and was making it wave at passersby). âFor today. For the distraction. ForâŚeverything.â
ââYou don't have to thank me.â
ââI know,â she said, smiling softly at him. âBut I want to. I kept thinking... Usually, after a fight with Luke, Iâd be in my cabin, crying, waiting for him to come and apologize, feeling like the world was ending.â She squeezed his hand. ââBut today... I laughed. I forgot about him for hours. And thatâs... Thatâs because of you.â
âMarco stopped walking. The others continued ahead, arguing about what was for dinner. âHe turned to face her. The sunset was painting the sky in shades of orange and purple, lighting up her face, making the yellow bikini straps glow.
ââY/n,â Marco said, his voice thick with all the things he couldn't say yet. I love you. I want to build you a house. I want to be the one who makes you laugh for the rest of your life.
ââIâm not going anywhere,â he said instead. âWhatever you need. Distraction, silence, a getaway driver, a human heater... Iâm here. Iâm yours.â
âShe looked at him, her eyes searching his. The ghost of Luke was still there, lurking in the corners of her heart. Marco knew that. But for the first time, there was something else there too.
âHope.
âShe stepped closer, rising up on her tiptoes. She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, lingering just for a second. ââIâm starting to like that idea,â she whispered before pulling back, her face flushed, and tugged on his hand. ââCome on, honey,â she grinned. âThe kids are waiting.â
âMarco watched her turn and ran a few steps to catch up with Will. He watched her silhouette against the setting sun.
âAnd as he followed her up the hill, thinking about picket fences and yellow shutters, Marco knew one thing for sure.
âLuke Castellan had already lost. He just didn't know it yet.
luke
The throbbing in Luke Castellanâs nose wasn't just pain; it was an insult, it was fucking blasphemy.
It was a rhythmic, dull percussion that synced perfectly with the headache splitting his skull, a constant, nagging reminder of a reality he refused to accept. The sensation was foreign to him. He was the hero. He was the golden standard against which every other camper was measured. Heroes didn't get struck by the damsels they were saving.
She punched me.
The thought looped in his mind like a corrupted file, playing over and over until the audio distorted. It didn't make sense. It was a glitch in the narrative. Surely, Y/n hadnât meant to punch him. Y/n adored him. She was his partner, his shadow, his counterbalance. They were the golden pair of Camp Half-Blood, destined to lead the new age. She didn't have the capacity to hurt himânot unless she was confused. Not unless she was brainwashed.
He stood at the crest of the hill overlooking the dining pavilion, the setting sun casting long, bloody shadows across the valley. The air smelled of strawberries and the heavy, electric scent of an approaching storm. Beside him stood Lacy. Sweet, malleable Lacy. She was chattering about something inconsequential, her voice a high, chiming frequency that grated against his nerves.
â...And so I told Poppy that the buttress support wasn't going to hold if we used limestone,â she was saying, hooking her arm through his and squeezing his bicep. She anchored herself to him, feeding off his proximity like a vine choking a tree. She looked up with wide, grey eyes that reflected nothing but his own perfection back at him. âLuke? Are you listening?â
âOf course, babe,â Luke lied smoothly. He leaned down, pressing a chaste, meaningless kiss to her forehead. It was muscle memory. It was a transaction. I give you attention; you give me worship. âYou have a good eye for detail. You made the right call.â
Lacy beamed, practically vibrating with the validation. âYouâre the best. Does your nose still hurt? You really need to be more careful with those doors, Luke. Youâre too clumsy for someone who fights monsters.â
âI know,â Luke said, his voice slick like oil. âJust a freak accident. I wasn't looking where I was going.â
âI was looking exactly where I was going, he thought bitterly, the lie tasting like rusted copper in his mouth. I was looking at her. And she panicked.
That was the narrative he had constructed in the dark, suffocating hours of the morning, staring at the wooden ceiling of the Hermes cabin while his brothers snored in ignorance around him. Y/n hadn't punched him because she hated him. She hadn't run away because she was scared.
She had panicked. She was overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what he was offering her.
He had come on too strong. He admitted thatâbut he was a man of fire, wasn't he? You donât ask an inferno to burn gently. He carried the weight of practically everything: the camp, the recruits, and the crushing expectation of the gods themselves. He had let his frustration about Marco Leon boil over. He had grabbed her, yes. He had kissed her, yes. But it wasn't an assault. That was such an ugly, pedestrian word used by small men with small minds. It was passion. It was gravity asserting itself. It was a desperate attempt to wake her up, to shake the sleep from her eyes and remind her of who they were. Partners. A dynasty that even Olympus couldn't shake.
She was just confused. That grease-stained parasite, Leon, had been whispering poison in her ear for days, twisting her perspective, making her soft and naive.
âOh, look!â Lacy pointed down the hill, her manicured fingernail tracing the path. âThe swimming group is coming back.â
Luke stiffened. The air in his lungs turned into broken glass.
His eyes narrowed, predatory and cold, scanning the path leading up from the lake. There they were. A ragtag group of traitors and idiots. He saw the Stoll brothers first, laughing loudly, hitting each other with wet towels like childrenâwell, technically, they were, so that was valid. He saw Clarisse. He saw Annabethâhis little sister, his supposed familyâwalking with Chris.
And then, the world narrowed down to a single, burning pinprick of rage.
Marco Leon was walking up the path. He looked ridiculous, his dark hair messy, wearing swim trunks and a grease-stained t-shirt. He looked exactly what he was: labor. Unrefined. Simple. An NPC who had wandered into the main storyline.
But that wasn't what made Lukeâs hands curl into fists so tight his fingernails drew blood from his palms.
It was Y/n.
She was walking right next to him. She was wrapped in a large orange towel, her hair wet and slicked back, shivering slightly.
And she was holding Leonâs hand.
Not just holding it. She was fucking swinging their arms between them, playful and light. She looked... happy.
Luke felt a surge of bile rise in his throat. How dare she? How dare she smile? Less than twenty-four hours ago, she was screaming at him in a storage closet, crying, and telling him he ruined everything. She should be in her cabin. She should be miserable. She should be mourning the forming rift between them.
Instead, here she was, looking up at the mechanic like he had hung the moon and stars just for her.
Luke watched, frozen, as the group stopped near the pavilion entrance. Marco stopped and turned to face Y/n. Luke couldn't hear the words, but he saw the body language. He saw the way the son of Hephaestus leaned in, confident and steady, usurping a space that belonged to Luke. He saw the way Y/n looked at himâwith a softness, a vulnerability that she used to reserve for Luke after a nightmare.
Then, Y/n rose up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
It was quick. Innocent, even. But to Luke, it was a declaration of war, like a blade sliding between his ribs.
Get your hands off her, the voice in his head roared, a primal sound of possession. Sheâs mine. Sheâs my partner. Youâre just the help. You fix the chariot; you don't drive it.
âAww,â Lacy cooed beside him, her voice dripping with a sickly sweetness. She tilted her head, observing the coupleâgods, that sounded horrifying to even think aboutâwith a look that was almost pitiful. âLook at them. Itâs... Cute, isn't it?â
Luke turned his head slowly to look at Lacy. It took every ounce of his willpower to force the sneer off his face and replace it with a tight, plastic smile. âYeah,â he nodded, the word tasting like rot against his taste buds. âAbsolutely adorable.â
âIt makes sense, really,â Lacy continued, her eyes gleaming with subtle malice. âY/n has been so... fragile these days. All that intensity lately? I think it was too much for her. Marco is safe. Heâs simple. Like a golden retriever.â She patted Lukeâs arm. âSome girls just aren't built for high-maintenance relationships, Luke. She needs something easier. Lower stakes.â
Lower stakes.
âSheâs settling,â Luke said, his voice dropping an octave. âSheâs scared of greatness, so sheâs choosing mediocrity.â
âExactly,â Lacy sighed, leaning into him. âItâs an act, obviously. Sheâs probably just using him to feel better about herself. Itâs a little sad, actually. Using the help like that.â
Luke latched onto the logic. Yes. Thatâs what this was. A performance. Y/n was hurting because of their fight, so she grabbed the nearest warm body to make herself feel better. She was trying to make Luke jealous. She knew he was watching. She always knew when he was watching.
âCome on,â Luke said abruptly, his jaw tight. âLetâs eat. Iâm starving.â
He led her into the pavilion, his grip on her arm just a bit too tight, guiding her like a prop in his play.
Dinner was a torture session designed by Hades himself.
The dining pavilion was loud, chaotic, and filled with the smell of barbecue smoke that usually made Luke hungry. Tonight, the scent of burnt meat felt too close to the rage burning in his gut.
He sat at the head of the Hermes table, the place of honor. Usually, this was his kingdom. Tonight, it felt like a hostile courtroom.
Travis and Connor Stoll sat across from him. Chris Rodriguez sat to his left. They weren't fighting over food. They were staring at him. They weren't glaringâthat would have been easier. They were smiling. But it wasn't their usual mischievous grin. It was a sharp, predatory smile. A smile that said, We know what you did.
âSo, Luke,â Travis began, loudly enough for the nearby Athena campers to hear. He stabbed a potato with his fork as if it were an enemy combatant. âHowâs the nose?â
Luke didn't look up. He cut his brisket with surgical precision, imagining the meat was something else. âItâs fine, Travis. Thanks for asking.â
âMust have been one hell of a door,â Connor mused, leaning his chin on his hand. âDid it have brass knuckles? Did it take boxing lessons? Was it enchanted by Ares to fight back?â
âIt was dark,â Luke said through gritted teeth. âI tripped.â
âTripped,â Chris repeated. His voice was flat. Disappointed. Chris had been one of Lukeâs most loyal followers. Now, he looked at Luke like he was gum on the bottom of a shoe. âFunny. You usually have such good balance. Best swordsman in camp and all that.â
âEveryone has off days,â Luke snapped, his patience fraying like an old rope.
He glanced down at the table. Lacy was sitting next to himâa violation of the rules, but no one challenged Luke Castellan. She was happily eating a salad, oblivious to the tension radiating off the Stoll brothers like heat from a sidewalk.
âHere, Luke,â Lacy said, offering him a napkin. âYou have a little sauce on your lip. Youâre being so messy tonight.â
Luke forced a smile that felt like it might crack his face. âThanks, babe.â
He wiped his mouth, then made the mistake of looking across the pavilion.
The Hephaestus table. Usually dark, quiet, and grim. Tonight, it was the center of the universe.
Y/n was there. She wasn't sitting at the Apollo table where she belonged. She was squeezed onto the bench next to Marco Leon.
And she was wearing...
Luke squinted, his grip on his fork tightening until the celestial bronze groaned and bent into a 'U' shape.
She was wearing an orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirt that was at least three sizes too big for her. The sleeves hung past her elbows. It wasn't hers. It was Leonâs. And the grey sweatpants? Also the bastardâs.
Luke felt a vein throb in his temple, a drumbeat of pure fury. Sheâs wearing his skin. It was such a blatant, intimate claim. It was a flag planted in the ground. I am with him.
And Leon... the arrogant bastard. He was sitting there, piling food onto Y/nâs plate, leaning in to whisper things that made her smileâthat soft, private smile that used to belong to Luke.
He hated him. He hated Marco Leon with a burning, white-hot intensity that felt religious. Leon shouldn't be here. He was a mechanic; he fixed weapons. He wasn't supposed to be in the picture. He was dirt, and he was daring to touch a diamond.
Y/n was a warrior. She was sharp, fast, and brilliant. She belonged with someone who matched her fire. Someone like Luke. Not some greasy fucker who probably spent his free time building toy boats and playing with scrap metal.
âThey look cozy,â Travis commented, following Lukeâs gaze. He sounded delighted. Maliciously delighted. âReal cozy. I heard Marco gave her a hoodie last night. Domestic.â
âDomestic,â Connor agreed, nodding sagely. âVery âhusbandâ energy. It suits her. She looks... relaxed. Less âon edgeâ than she usually is around here.â
Luke slammed his goblet down. His drink sloshed over the rim, staining the stone red. âCan we stop talking about the mechanic?â he snapped, his voice trembling with suppressed violence. âItâs boring.â
âIs it?â Travis asked, tilting his head. âI think itâs fascinating. The Mechanic and the Archer. Beauty and the Beast-who-can-weld. Itâs poetic.â
âSheâs just friends with him,â Luke said coldly. âSheâs wearing his clothes because of convenience. It doesn't mean anything.â
âRight,â Chris muttered into his cup. âJust friends who sleep in the same bed.â
Luke froze. The sounds of the pavilionâthe laughter, the clinking silverwareâdropped away into a dull roar. He turned slowly to face Chris. âWhat did you say?â
Chris didn't flinch. He met Lukeâs gaze, his dark eyes hard. âThey slept in cabin nine last night, Luke. In the basement. Together.â
The world tilted on its axis.
They slept together.
No. No, Y/n wouldn't do that. She wasn't like that. She was loyal. She was good. She wouldn't let him touch her. Not like that. Not after...
Not after you forced yourself on her, a tiny, traitorous voice in his head whispered. Maybe she wanted someone who wouldn't hurt her.
Luke shoved that voice down into the deepest, darkest pit of his mind and poured concrete over it.
âShe stayed there because she was avoiding the harpies,â Luke said, his voice sounding calm, detached, and terrifying. âShe probably took the couch.â
âMarco doesn't have a couch,â Connor pointed out helpfully. âJust a bunk. A single bunk. Twin size.â
Luke felt like he was suffocating. The image of Y/nâhis Y/n, his Melodyâcurled up in a narrow bunk with Marco Leon, his dirty mechanic hands on her skin, his breath on her neck... It made Luke want to burn the pavilion to the ground. He wanted to shatter the columns. He wanted to scream until his throat bled.
âIâm going to get some dessert,â Lacy chirped, standing up. She patted Lukeâs shoulder, oblivious to the murder in his eyes. âDo you want anything, Luke? A cookie?â
Luke didn't look at her. He couldn't. If he looked at her right now, the mask would dissolve, and she would see the monster underneath. âNo,â he said tightly. âIâm good.â
Lacy skipped off toward the buffet table, her blonde ponytail swinging.
The moment she was out of earshot, the atmosphere at the Hermes table shifted from tense to openly hostile.
Travis leaned forward, his elbows on the table. The smile dropped from his face like a curtain falling. âSo,â he started, his voice low and dangerous for a child his age. âYou want to tell us why Y/n walked into the pavilion at lunch earlier looking like sheâd been crying all night? Or should we ask your nose?â
Luke picked up his knife, twirling it between his fingers, the blade glinting under the torchlight. âDrop it, Travis.â
âNo,â Connor said, his usual humor gone. âWe aren't dropping it. Sheâs our friend, Luke. Sheâs practically our mom. And you... Youâre acting like a psychopath.â
âIâm acting like a leader,â Luke hissed, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. âIâm under a pressure you couldn't possibly understand. Iâm trying to keep this camp together. Iâm trying to save us.â
âBy assaulting your best friend?â Chris asked quietly.
Luke flinched. The word assault felt like a slap. It was a jagged accusation that didn't fit his self-image. âI didn't assault her,â he denied instantly. âWe had an argument. Things got heated. I kissed her. She overreacted. Thatâs it.â
âShe punched you in the face,â Chris noted. âY/n doesn't punch people for âheatedâ arguments. She punches threats.â
âShe was confused!â Luke insisted, his voice rising, manic. âMarco has been in her ear. Heâs manipulating her. Heâs making her think Iâm the bad guy so he can swoop in and play hero. Canât you see that? Heâs opportunistic.â
Travis stared at him. He looked at Luke like he was seeing a stranger. âWow,â he scoffed. âYou really believe that, donât you? You really think youâre the victim here.â
âI am the victim!â Luke felt the injustice burning in his chest like heartburn. âIâve done everything for her! Iâve trained her! Iâve protected her! I made her my partner! And the first time things get tough, she runs to him? She humiliates me in front of the whole camp by wearing his clothes? By holding his hand? Sheâs punishing me.â
âShe ran to him because he makes her feel safe,â Connor said, his voice cold. âYou make her scared, Luke. We saw her. She flinches when you look at her.â
âSheâs not scared,â Luke scoffed. âSheâs... Sheâs guilty. She knows she messed up. She knows she broke our pact.â
âThe pact?â Chris laughed bitterly. âThe âus against the campâ pact? Pretty sure you broke that when you started treating her like property.â
âI treat her like a priority!â Luke slammed his fist on the table.
A few heads turned from the Demeter table. Luke took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. âYou guys don't get it,â he said, shaking his head. âLeon canât protect her. Heâs soft. What happens when a monster gets past the border? What happens when a quest goes wrong? Marco will freeze. I won't. I need her to be with me because Iâm the only one who can keep her alive.â
âShe kept herself alive just fine before you,â Travis said coolly. âAnd honestly? Right now, Marco looks like a pretty good bodyguard.â
âHeâs nothing,â Luke spat harshly. âHeâs a distraction. And Y/n will realize that. Once she calms down, once she stops trying to punish me... Sheâll come back. She always comes back.â
âI wouldn't bet on it,â Connor said, looking toward the Hephaestus table.
Luke followed his gaze.
Y/n was laughing. She was throwing her head back, her hand covering her mouth, laughing at something Marco had said, and he was looking at her like she was the only person in the world. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear; Y/n didn't flinch. Instead, she leaned into his touch, gravitating toward his orbit.
The sight felt like a knife twisting in Lukeâs gut.
Sheâs mine, he thought, his mind looping on the phrase. Sheâs mine. Sheâs mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.
It wasn't love. He told himself that firmly. He didn't love Y/n. He loved Lacy. Lacy was sweet. Lacy was uncomplicated. Lacy looked at him with worship in her eyes.
âY/n challenged him. Y/n fought him. Y/n saw the cracks in his armor and poked at them. But Y/n was his best friend. They were a set. The Swordsman and the Archer. You didn't break up the set. You didn't give one half of the set to a mechanic.
ââSheâs making a mistake,â Luke muttered, glaring at the Hephaestus table. âA big fucking mistake.â
ââSheâs making a choice,â Chris corrected. âAnd you need to respect it. If you go near her again... If you touch her again...â
ââWhat?â Luke sneered, his eyes narrowing dangerously. âYouâll stop me? Youâre my brother, Chris. Youâre supposed to be loyal to me. Blood comes first.â
ââIâm loyal to whatâs right,â Chris said, standing up and picking up his tray. âAnd right now? Youâre wrong. Youâre poison, Luke. Come on, guys. Letâs go sit with Apollo.â
âTravis and Connor stood up too.
ââYeah,â Travis said, looking down at Luke with pity. âEnjoy your dinner, Luke. Try not to walk into any more doors.â
âThey walked away. His own brothers. Walking away from the head table to go sit with the enemy.
âLuke sat alone. He felt the eyes of the camp on him. He felt the whispers crawling over his skin like insects.
Luke got punched.
Luke is losing it.
Luke is jealous.
âHe gripped his knife so hard the handle creaked.
âTheyâre all against me, he thought, the paranoia settling in like a cold, damp fog. Marco turned them against me. He stole Y/n, and now heâs stealing my brothers. Heâs trying to replace me. Heâs trying to erase me.
âIâm back!â
Lacy slid into the seat next to him, placing a chocolate chip cookie on his plate. She smiled, bright and oblivious. âSorry it took so long. Did the boys leave?â
Luke looked at her. He looked at her pretty smile. He forced his own mask back into place. The Golden Boy. The Hero. The perfect boyfriend. âYeah,â he said, his voice smooth as silk. âThey had to go... handle some cabin business.â
âOh, classic Stolls,â Lacy giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder. âIâm glad itâs just us. The vibe was weird with them. They're so protective of Y/n, it's almost annoying. Itâs like she's a toddler in need of constant supervision.â
Lukeâs lips quirked up. âYeah. Almost.â
He looked across the pavilion one last time.
Marco and Y/n were standing up. The son of Hephaestus picked up his tray and hers. He waited for her to step over the bench, then placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her out.
The casual intimacy of itâthe ownership of itâmade Lukeâs vision blur red.
Enjoy it while it lasts, you bastard, Luke thought, his eyes tracking them as they walked out into the twilight. You think youâve won? You think you can just take her? You think you can fix her?
Capture the Flag was tomorrow.
In the woods, there were no rules about playing nice. Just weapons and strategy. And accidents happened in the woods all the time. A stray arrow. A misguided sword swing. A mechanic who wandered too far from his forge.
Luke smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. It was a sharkâs smile. Cold. Dead. Hungry.
âLacy,â he said softly.
âYeah?â
âTomorrow night,â Luke said, watching Y/n disappear into the shadows with Leon. âIâm going to need you to cheer extra loud for me. Iâm feeling... motivated.â
âReally?â Lacy beamed. âYouâre going to win?â
âOh, yeah,â Luke said, his voice cold and absolute. âIâm going to remind everyone exactly who runs this camp.â
And Iâm going to remind her who she belongs to.
you
Cabin nine was usually a sanctuary of creation. It typically smelled of potentialâof celestial bronze waiting to be tempered, of gears clicking into place, and of the sharp, coppery tang of heated metal. But tonight, under the harsh, flickering glare of the amber safety lights, the air was thick with something else.
It smelled like sulfur, sawdust, and rebellion.
It was no longer a workshop; it was a war room.
âA massive, weathered blueprint of the Camp Half-Blood woods had been unfurled across the central workbench, the paper soft and yellowed with age. The corners were weighed down by a chaotic assortment of items that perfectly summarized the group gathered there: a heavy celestial bronze mallet, a half-eaten family-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a mason jar glowing ominously with green Greek fire, and Will Solaceâs elbow.
You stood at the head of the table, arms crossed tightly over your chest, staring down at the topography of your upcoming battlefield. You were drowning in the oversized orange camp shirt Marco had lent you earlierâthe fabric was soft with wear and smelled faintly of motor oil and cedarwood, a grounding, earthy scent that kept the rising tide of your panic at bay. You kept having to hitch up the grey sweatpants that threatened to slide off your hips, but strangely, you didnât feel ridiculous.
You felt like a general staring down the barrel of a cannon.
Around you, the motley crew of conspirators buzzed with a manic, electric energy. It was a council of war composed of the campâs rejects, rebels, and roguesâthe ones who didn't fit the mold, the ones who had been pushed too far.
ââAlright, settle down!â you commanded. Your voice surprised you; it didn't tremble. Instead, it cut through the noise of Travis and Connor Stoll, who were currently wrestling over a bag of Skittles like two feral raccoons fighting over trash. âFocus. We have less than twenty-four hours. Tomorrow night, the conch blows. We don't just need to be good. We need to be surgical.â
ââWeâre always surgical,â Silena drawled, her voice like warm honey. She was perched elegantly on a high stool, filing her nails with a piece of industrial-grade sandpaper sheâd plucked from Charlieâs tool belt. Despite the grease and grime of the forge, she looked impeccable. âWeâre the dream team, darling.â
ââWeâre a disaster,â Clarisse corrected, though there was no heat in it. She was rhythmically sharpening her electric spear with a heavy whetstone. The sound was setting your teeth on edge, grating against your nerves, but it was also weirdly comfortingâlike a promise of violence on your behalf. âBut weâre a dangerous disaster. Thatâs the only kind that wins wars.â
Marco stood to your right, his shoulder pressing firmly, intentionally against yours. He was your anchor in the rising storm, silent and steady, his amber eyes scanning the map with the cold calculation of a structural engineer looking for a load-bearing weakness.
ââLetâs review the board,â Marco said, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through the floorboards. He tapped the table with a grease-stained finger. âClarisse hijacked the admin scroll an hour ago. The teams are locked in.â
ââRed Team,â Charlie listed, counting off on soot-stained fingers, his brow furrowed in concentration. âAres, Hephaestus, Apollo... and Aphrodite.â
ââAnd Blue Team,â Chris Rodriguez continued, leaning back against a drill press and spinning a dagger by the hilt, the blade catching the amber light. âHermes, Athena, Dionysus, and Demeter.â
ââDemeter is usually neutral,â Dawn piped up. She was sitting cross-legged on the workbench, swinging her legs and braiding a piece of copper wire into a flower. âThey usually just want to grow corn and talk about cereal. Why are they riding with Luke?â
ââPolitics,â Annabeth sighed, the weight of the world on her ten-year-old shoulders. She was sitting on the floor, aggressively re-lacing her combat boots with precise, jerky movements. âPoppy Blackwood is the head counselor for Demeter right now. And Poppy thinks Luke is âtorturedâ and âmisunderstood.â Sheâs best friends with Lacy. They have a knitting circle. Itâs a whole tragic narrative theyâve spun about how he just needs love to fix him.â
ââAnd Dionysus?â Will asked, mouth full of a macadamia nut cookie Marco had smuggled him from the stash.
ââCastor and Pollux,â Silena waved a perfectly manicured hand dismissively. âI handled it. Theyâre technically on Blue Team because Mr. D put them there to spite Apollo, but I promised to redo the interior design of the cabin twelve lounge if they stayed out of our way. Velvet cushions, mood lightingâthe works. Theyâll be âguardingâ the toilets near the canoe lake. Theyâre non-combatants.â
ââSo itâs really just Hermes and Athena,â Travis Stoll said, popping a red Skittle into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. âVersus us. We have the numbers. We have the heavy hitters. But...â He paused, looking genuinely skeptical, his gaze flicking toward the daughter of love. âWhat exactly is the Aphrodite cabin bringing to the table? No offense, Silena, but usually you guys sit by the creek, check your reflections, and gossip about whoâs dating who.â
âThe air in the cabin seemed to drop ten degrees instantly.
âSilena stopped filing her nails. She looked up slowly, her lashes casting long shadows on her cheeks. The air around her seemed to shimmer with a terrifying, pink-tinted heat. It wasn't the soft pink of a valentine or bubblegum; it was the raw, visceral pink of exposed muscle and fresh scar tissue.
ââExcuse me?â Silenaâs voice was soft and smooth but carried the weight of a guillotine blade waiting to drop.
ââIâŚI mean,â Travis stammered, the color draining from his face as he looked frantically to Connor for backup. Connor, wise beyond his years, immediately took a large step back, abandoning his brother to the wolves. âI just meant... You guys are about love. And beauty. Not... getting mud in your hair. Or combat.â
âSilena stood up. She was only twelve, but at that moment, she looked ancient. She looked like a queen who had burned cities for a slight, a deity who had started the Trojan War over an apple.
ââTravis,â she said sweetly, stepping into his personal space until he was pressed against the workbench. âDo you know the history of my mother?â
ââAphrodite?â Travis squeaked, his voice cracking.
ââYes. Aphrodite.â Silenaâs eyes flashed with a dangerous, kaleidoscopic light. âDo you know that in Sparta, she wasn't just the goddess of love? She was worshipped as Aphrodite Areia. Aphrodite the Warlike. She was born from blood and sea foam, Travis. Do not mistake femininity for weakness.â She poked him in the chest with a manicured finger, hard. âWe can break your heart, we can scramble your mind until you don't know up from down, and yes, we can break your nose, all while looking better than you ever will.â
âTravis gulped, the sound audible in the quiet room. âUnderstood. Aphrodite is scary. Very scary. I retract my statement. Fully retracted.â
ââDamn right,â Clarisse grunted, shooting Silena a look of genuine, warrior-to-warrior respect.
ââOkay,â you interjected, stepping in before Silena decided to demonstrate ancient Spartan warfare on Travisâs face. âWe know the teams. Now we need to talk about the opposition. Specifically, the leadership.â
âYou pointed to the blue side of the map. Your finger trembled slightly, a betrayal of your nerves, but you willed it to stop, clenching your fist.
ââLuke is going to be aggressive,â you said, forcing your voice to remain clinical, detached. You had to treat him like a variable in an equation, not the boy who taught you how to skip rocks on the lake. âHeâs angry. Heâs embarrassed about the fight. He thinks he has something to prove to the campâand to me. Heâs going to abandon the standard defensive turtle formation.â
ââHeâs going to come straight for you,â Marco corrected quietly, his voice low enough that only you heard it.
âYou ignored the painful, erratic flutter in your chest. âHeâll be expecting standard formation from us. Defense: archers in the trees, but we aren't doing standard.â
ââBecause we have spies,â Chris grinned from the shadowy corner, his smile sharp and predatory.
âEveryone turned to look at Chris and Annabeth. They were your double agents. Officially on Lukeâs roster, unofficially plotting his total demise.
ââLacy is sticking to him like a burr,â Annabeth reported, her face twisted in a scowl of intellectual offense. âI heard her talking to Poppy earlier. She thinks Luke is âpassionate.â She thinks his jealousy is romantic. Itâs illogical.â
ââBarf,â Dawn muttered, sticking out her tongue in disgust.
ââNo offense, Annabeth,â Chris said, shaking his head. âBut I think Athenaâs logic skipped Lacy. Itâs like sheâs Bonnie risking everything for an emotionally stunted Clyde. Sheâs staring directly at the red flags and thinking itâs a carnival decoration.â
ââIt annoys me to no end,â Silena huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. âItâs bad for the brand. Love isn't supposed to make you stupid; itâs supposed to make you strong.â
ââWell, itâs making her blind,â Annabeth said, stepping up to the map and pulling a marker from her pocket. âBut that works for us. Sheâs distracted. Sheâs focusing on being his cheerleader, not his strategist. That leaves the strategy to me. And since Iâm working for you...â
The daughter of Athena tapped the area marking the creek boundary.
ââIâm putting the Hermes scouts on the east ridge,â she explained, tracing a line through the dense foliage with red ink. âItâs terrible ground. Marshy. Slow-moving. And Iâm going to leave a gap in the center line here.â She pointed to a clearing. âRight where Luke likes to charge. Heâll think itâs a mistake. Heâll think Iâm young and I messed up. And heâll run right through it.â
ââInto a kill box,â Clarisse finished, grinning savagely.
ââExactly,â Annabeth nodded. âBut we need to know where he is putting the flag. If you guys don't capture theirs, the best we can hope for is a stalemate. And we don't want a tie.â
âThe room went quiet. This was the million-drachma question. Luke was smart. He was the son of the god of thieves and travelers. Hiding things was literally in his DNA.
ââHe usually puts it on the rocks,â Lee suggested, adjusting his quiver. âOr near Zephyros Creek.â
ââNo,â you said, the word coming out hollow, like a ghost escaping your lips. âHe won't put it there. Those are standard spots. He knows I know them. He knows I can navigate those woods blindfolded.â
âYou stared at the map. You didn't just see ink and paper; you saw memories layered over the terrain like a translucent film. You saw the history of a friendship that had rotted from the inside out. Your heart gave a painful, squeezing throb, as if a fist had tightened around it.
âHeâs going to put it in the cave,â you whispered.
ââWhat cave?â Michael asked, pushing his glasses up his nose, confused. âThere aren't any caves on the official map.â
ââThere is one,â you said, your voice barely audible over the hum of the machinery. You reached out and traced a finger past the cluster of jagged rocks known as Zeusâs Fist. âRight here. Itâs covered by heavy brush and illusion mist. You can't see the entrance unless you know exactly where to step.â
ââHow do you know about it?â Dawn asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
âYou took a deep, shuddering breath. You felt Marcoâs hand settle on your lower back, a warm, solid weight grounding you to the earth when you felt like floating away.
ââLuke and I found it when we were fourteen,â you said quietly. The room seemed to vanish, replaced by the memory of dappled sunlight and laughter. âWe were running from the Ares cabin during a gameâsorry, Clarisse, but your brothers were trying to decapitate us. I saw the cave up ahead and pulled Lukeâs reckless ass inside. It was... It became our spot.â
âThe memory washed over you, visceral and stinging. The damp, earthy smell of moss. The way Luke had laughed, dusting leaves out of your hair, his eyes bright with adrenaline and mischief. The way you had sat there for hours, hiding from the war games, just talking about your lives, about your fears, about his dad.
ââWe swore an oath,â you continued, your voice trembling slightly. âOn the River Styx. That we would never tell anyone else about it. That it was just ours. A safe house. A place where the war couldn't touch us.â
ââIf you swore on the Styx,â Will whispered, his eyes wide with superstitious fear. âThen you can't tell us. Bad things happen to people who break Styx oaths. Curses. Misfortune.â
ââThe oath is already broken,â you said, looking up, your eyes burning, hot and dry. âHe broke it first.â
ââWhat do you mean?â Silena asked softly, sensing the heartbreak in the air.
âYou wrapped your arms around yourself, hugging the grey fabric closer, trying to shield yourself from the cold reality of it. ââLast Friday,â you began, trying to keep your voice steady. âAfter I got discharged from the infirmary. You know, after I burned my insides because my stupid ass decided to eat a third ambrosia square when Lee explicitly told me not to?â
ââI remember,â Lee sighed, rubbing his temples. âI had to pump your stomach. You were glowing like a rave stick for three hours.â
ââYeah, well,â you gave a humorless, fractured laugh. âI was feeling better. I went to go look for Luke despite Chris and Leeâs warnings because, well, you know? He ditched me for his blondeânever mind. He promised when he visited me the day before that weâd spar when I felt better, so I went to the cave, because I knew heâd be there.â You paused; the image was seared into your brain like a cattle brand. ââI walked in,â you whispered, your voice breaking slightly. âAnd I heard sounds. Breathing. Moaning. I thought maybe he was hurt. I thought he had fallen. So I ran in.â
âYou squeezed your eyes shut, but the darkness only made the memory sharper.
ââIt was Lacy. And Luke. They were... intimate. His jeans were hanging low, and his hand was under her shirt. It wasn't just a kiss. It was... everything. In our spot. In the sanctuary we swore to keep a secret.â
âThe silence in the room was heavy, suffocating. Even the Stolls had stopped eating, their faces pale.
ââI had my guitar with meâthe one I got for my birthday from my grandmother,â you said, your voice thick with the memory of the humiliation. âI dropped it. It smashed on the rocks into tiny pieces, like my pitiful heart. Thatâs how they noticed me. They looked up... And Luke? He didn't look horrified. He didn't look sorry. He just looked annoyed. Like I was a fly buzzing in his ear. Like I had interrupted his lunch.â
ââOh, Y/n,â Dawn whispered, looking heartbroken for you.
ââI ran,â you said, opening your eyes to look at your friends. âHe caught up to me a few seconds later. He asked me what was wrong, but I told him I was just having a bad day. I didn't tell him I saw everything. I didn't tell him he shattered my heart. He tried apologizing, but I just turned and ran until I tripped in front of the forge. He didnât even follow me.â
ââAnd thatâs where I found you,â Marco finished softly. âYou were bleeding, knees scraped from the fall. Charlie thought I hurt you.â
ââI wanted to die at that moment,â you admitted, the words tasting like rotten eggs on your tongue. âBut now? Now I just want him to lose. I want him to know what it feels like to have something taken from him.â
You looked around the room. Every single face was hardened. Angry. Protective. They were your army, your defense team.
ââThat bastard,â Clarisse growled, snapping a pencil in half effortlessly. âHe broke a Styx oath to hook up with Lacy? Heâs cursed.â
ââThe consequences are coming for him,â Silena said darkly. âBut weâre going to act as the agents of fate.â
ââHe thinks that spot is safe,â you said, tapping the map with renewed vigor. âHe probably thinks I won't go there because it hurts too much. He thinks Iâm weak. He thinks âMelodyâ is too soft to face him there.â âYou looked up, meeting the eyes of everyone in the room. ââLuke wants a fight? Well, he found it. Weâll have the place surrounded. Heâll be sleeping with the fishes before he knows heâs drowning.â
ââThatâs the spirit!â Travis cheered, pumping a fist into the air. âGangster Y/n is my favorite Y/n.â
ââSo the plan,â Charlie clapped his hands, breaking the tension. âWe need comms. If weâre splitting up, we need to coordinate.â âHe reached into a box on the workbench and pulled out a handful of small, bronze earpieces. ââModified them myself,â he grinned. âShort-range radio frequency. Encrypted. The Athena cabin won't be able to tap in, and they work even if youâre underwater.â
ââCool,â Will breathed, grabbing one and inspecting it.
ââWe need code names,â Connor said immediately. âI refuse to be âConnorâ on a secret mission. I want to be âNight-Hawk.ââ
ââNo,â Clarisse rolled her eyes. âYouâre Dumb and Dumber. Thatâs final.â
ââDove,â Silena said, examining her earpiece. âBut a dove with talons.â
ââWarhead,â Clarisse grinned, flashing her teeth.
ââSunspot,â Will chirped.
ââSparky,â Charlie said.
ââMole,â Chris grinned. âGet it? Because Iâm digging into their defenses.â
ââVulcan,â Marco said, slotting his earpiece in. He looked at you, his gaze intense, stripping away your defenses. âWhat about you?â
âYou paused. You thought about âMelodyââthe nickname Luke gave you. The nickname he whispered in your ear while he pinned you to the wall, right before he hurt you. That girl was gone. She died in that closet, amidst the brambles and the betrayal.
ââKillshot.â
ââDamn,â Lee whistled low. âOkay, Killshot. Intense. I like it.â
âSo,â Marco pointed to the map. âThe flag is in the cave. Who goes for it?â
ââMe,â you said instantly, meeting his gaze head-on.
ââAlone?â Marco frowned, his dark eyebrows knitting together. âY/n, absolutely not. Heâll be guarding it personally. He has a sword, and he knows how to use it. You have a bowâno offense.â
ââHe won't use the sword on me,â you said, though a sliver of doubt pricked your heart like a thorn. Would he? He assaulted you physically. Would he cut you with a sword?
No. You refused to believe he was that far gone. He was still Luke Castellan. He still had the scar on his face from the dragonâthe scar you had tended to for weeks, changing his bandages, listening to him cry.
ââHe won't fight me with a weapon,â you reasoned. âHeâll try to talk. Heâll try to manipulate me. Heâll think he can apologize his way out of it or scare me into submission with his âcharm.â Heâll hesitate. And his hesitation will be my weapon.â
ââI know,â you said, giving the girl the best attempt you could at an assuring smile. âBut I know how he moves. I know how he thinksâwell, at least, I think I do. I can take him.â
âYou looked at Marco. He looked like he wanted to argue. He looked like he wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap and lock you in the Hephaestus basement until you were thirty. But he didn't. He respected you too much to cage you.
ââIâll be on the perimeter,â Marco said firmly. âIâll be fifty feet out. If things go south... if he tries to touch you...â
ââThen you come in,â you agreed, reaching to hold his hand. âBut let me try first. I need to do this.â
ââKillshot takes the point,â Charlie finalized. âThe rest of us run interference. We keep the Hermes cabin busy. Annabeth and Chris sabotage the defense. Clarisse and Silena lead the frontal assault to draw attention.â
ââAnd the Stolls?â
ââWe,â Travis grinned, holding up a jar of industrial grease. âWill be going on a stealth mission to the armory tonight. Operation Butterfingers is a go. Their shields are going to be slippery as eels.â
ââPerfect,â you nodded, giving both Stolls a high five.
âYou glanced at the clock on the wall. It was getting late. The younger kids were yawning, the adrenaline crash setting in.
ââOkay,â you said, clapping your hands. âMeeting adjourned. Get some sleep, my loves. Tomorrow we go to war.â
The group started to disperse. Will and Dawn hugged you tight, their arms squeezing the air out of you, before running off with Lee and Michael. The Stolls vanished into the night to commit crimes against hygiene. Annabeth and Chris slipped away separately to maintain their cover.
âSoon, the heavy quiet of the forge returned. It was just you and Marco.
ââYou okay?â Marco asked, walking over to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, his thumb rubbing the fabric of the orange shirtâhis shirtâthat you were still wearing.
ââIâm terrified,â you admitted, leaning into his touch because you were too tired to be strong anymore. âI have the counselor meeting tomorrow morning. I have to sit at the same ping-pong table as him. I have to look at him and pretend I don't want to scream.â
ââYou don't have to pretend,â Marco said softly. âYou can scream if you want. Iâll scream with you. We can make it a duet.â
You smiled weakly. âThanks, Marco. But I have to be professional. Iâm a senior counselor and head of Apollo. I can't let him see me break. If I break, he wins.â
ââHe won't see you break,â Marco promised. âBecause youâre not broken, Y/n. Youâre just... under construction. And the forge creates the strongest things from fire.â âHe took your hand; his palm was rough, calloused from years of metalwork, but his touch was incredibly gentle. ââCome on. Iâll walk you back to your cabin. Lee will kill me if I keep you out past curfew again.â
The walk across the camp was quiet. The moon was high, casting a silver, ethereal light over the strawberry fields and the amphitheater. The crickets were chirping, a peaceful, rhythmic sound that belied the knot of tension in your gut.
âYou held Marcoâs hand. It felt natural now. Necessary, just like breathing.
But then, in the quiet, unguarded spaces between your heartbeats, your traitorous mind drifted back to him.
To Luke.
It wasn't a choice; it was a haunting. Your memory conjured the ghost of his smileânot the sharp, practiced smirk he wore like armor these days, but the real one. The rare one. You thought about the way the corners of his eyes used to crinkle, folding like worn parchment, whenever you made him laugh. In those fleeting moments, the weight of his fatherâs silence would vanish, leaving behind only a boy with eyes the color of deep whiskey.
You thought about the nights spent on the sloped roof of the Hermes cabin, the rough grit of the shingles digging into your palms as you stared up at the vast, velvet expanse of the sky. The air would smell of cooling asphalt and the distant, salty breeze of the Sound. You would point out constellations, naming stars that felt close enough to pluck, and he would pretend not to know their names just to hear you explain them.
In those hours, suspended between the earth and the heavens, you had felt infinite. You were untouchable. It was just the two of you against the universeâa binary star system burning in the dark.
And then, inevitably, your mind traced the path of the scar.
That jagged, angry scar that marred the perfect symmetry of his face. You remembered the day he returned with itâthe day the quest to the Garden of the Hesperides had almost broken him. He had stumbled back into camp reeking of sulfur and dried blood, his expression twisted into something feral and bitter. He looked like a fallen angel who had scraped his face against the floor of Tartarus.
The other campers had recoiled. They whispered behind their hands, terrified of the violence etched into his skin, scared of the newfound darkness swirling in his irises.
But you hadn't flinched.
You remembered the sting of antiseptic and the smell of ambrosia as you sat him down on the edge of his bunk. His hands had been shaking; yours were steady. You had cleaned the wound with a tenderness that felt like a prayer, wiping away the grime and the blood until only the raw truth remained. You didn't look away from the ruin of his face. Instead, you had traced the edge of the bandage, your voice soft and unwavering in the heavy silence.
âIt makes you look rugged,â you had teased, a desperate attempt to pull him back from the ledge. âLike a pirate.â
He hadn't smiled then, but he had leaned into your touch, exhaling a breath he seemed to have been holding for days.
You had loved the broken, jagged edges of him. You had loved him through the ugly parts, convinced that your love was enough to smooth them out.
You missed that Luke. You missed Charming.
But now? That boy was dead.Â
He had been replaced by a stranger with cold eyes. A stranger who kissed you against your will, stealing breath that wasn't his to take. A stranger who looked you in the eye and broke oaths sworn on the River Styx, ignoring the consequences of his actions.
âYou hated him for ruining it. You hated him for forcing you to choose between your dignity and your heart.Â
Looking back, you wondered if the scar had gone deeper than skin.
You wondered if the ugliness you had tried so hard to soothe had eventually swallowed him whole.
âBut as you walked next to Marco, feeling the calloused warmth of his palm, the hate felt a little less consuming. There was something growing in the cracks of your heartâsomething sturdy. Something built of iron and bronze rather than glass.
âYou reached the gold-painted door of the Apollo cabin. The interior was dark; your siblings were likely already asleep.
You stopped on the porch, turning to Marco.
He stood one step below you, so his eyes were level with yours. In the moonlight, he looked devastatingly handsome. His messy dark hair, his kind eyes, and the smudge of grease on his jaw that you had the sudden, overwhelming urge to wipe away with your thumb.
ââSo,â you whispered. âTomorrow.â
ââTomorrow,â Marco nodded. âWe crush him.â
ââThank you,â you said, your voice catching. âFor the clothes. For the basement. For the team. For believing in me.â
ââAnytime, Killshot,â Marco teased gently.
âHe hesitated. For a split second, the air between you crackled with potential. You remembered the kiss on the cheek by the lakeâthe softness of it. You found yourself leaning in, just a bit, drawn to his gravity.
âBut Marco didn't push. He respected the line. He knew you were still bleeding, and he wasn't the type to take advantage of a wound.
Instead, he reached out and squeezed your hand one last time, almost like a silent vow of protection, then let go.
ââGet some sleep, Y/n,â he said softly. âIâll be on comms first thing in the morning. Good night.â
ââGood night, Marco,â you whispered, giving him one last smile before turning around.
âHe waited until you opened the door and stepped inside. He waited until the lock clicked. Only then did you hear his heavy boots crunching away on the gravel, heading back to the solitude of the forge.
âYou leaned against the closed door of your cabin, surrounded by the soft, rhythmic breathing of your sleeping siblings.
âYou touched your cheek where he had kissed you earlier.
âThen, you touched your lips, scrubbing them violently with the back of your hand until the skin burned, trying to erase the ghost of Lukeâs violence, trying to scrub away the memory of his touch.
âYou closed your eyes and took a breath.
âTomorrow, you won't be Melody. You weren't the victim.
âTomorrow, you will be Killshot. And you were going to war.
The silk was cold against your skin.
âIt was three in the morning, the witching hour for demigods and monsters alike, and the Apollo cabin was silent save for the rhythmic, soft breathing of your siblings. The air was still, heavy with the scent of floor wax and the lingering traces of lemon spray Dawn used excessively.
âYou were lying on your bunk, staring up at the golden beams of the ceiling, your eyes burning and dry. You should be asleep. You had a war to fight tomorrowâCapture the Flag wasn't just a game anymore; it was a battlefield of egos and broken heartsâbut sleep felt like a distant, foreign country you had been exiled from.
âEvery time you closed your eyes, you saw him.
âLuke.
âYou saw the way his eyes had darkened in that storage closet. You felt the phantom pressure of his hands on your arms, pinning you, branding you. You smelled the copper of his blood from his nose, which had bled after you punched him.
âYou rolled over, tangling your legs in the thin sheet, letting out a frustrated groan that was swallowed by the silence.
âWhy?
âWhy did he have to ruin it? Why did he have to take the one thing that was pure and safe in your lifeâyour partnership, your friendshipâand twist it into something ugly and possessive?
âYou hated him. You hated him with a fire that rivaled the sun god himself. You hated his arrogance, his blindness, and his audacity to treat you like an object he had placed on a shelf, only to panic when someone else reached for it.
âBut gods help you, underneath the hate, buried deep in the marrow of your bones where you couldn't scrub it out, was the love.
âIt was a sick, tenacious thing. It was the memory of him teaching you how to hold a sword when you were fourteen, his hands gentle as he corrected your grip. It was the way he used to save you the blue Jolly Ranchers because he knew they were your favorite. It was the scar on his face that you had traced a thousand times in your mind, wishing you could heal the boy beneath it.
âYou missed him. You missed Charming. You missed the boy who was your best friend, not this stranger who locked doors and kissed you like a punishment.
ââStop it,â you whispered into the darkness, squeezing your eyes shut until stars exploded behind your lids. âJust stop.â
âBut your mind wouldn't stop. It was a carousel of âwhat ifsâ and âif onlys.â
âWhat if I had told him sooner? What if I were prettier? What if I were like Lacy?
âThe thought of Lacy sent a fresh wave of nausea rolling through your stomach. Lacy, with her perfect blonde curls and her adoring eyes. Lacy, who didn't challenge him. Lacy, who didn't punch him.
âMaybe that was it. Maybe you were just... too much. Too messy. Too complicated. MaybeâŚthis was all a masterpiece until he tore it all up because he wanted something easier.
âYou kicked the covers off. You couldn't stay here. The air in the cabin felt suffocating, too full of memories and the ghost of the girl you used to beâMelody. The girl who followed Luke anywhere.
âYou sat up, shivering slightly. The silk pajama set Silena had forced onto youâa flimsy, blush-pink camisole and matching shorts that felt more like lingerie than sleepwearâoffered zero protection against the chill of the night or the chill in your heart.
âYou grabbed your sneakers, slipping them on without socks. You didn't grab a jacket. You needed to feel the cold. You needed the shock of the night air to numb the fire in your chest.
âYou crept to the door, easing it open with the stealth of a thiefâa skill you had learned from him, ironically enough. You slipped out onto the porch, the night air hitting you like a physical blow, raising goosebumps on your exposed arms and legs.
âThe camp was asleep. The strawberry fields were a dark, undulating sea in the distance. The Big House stood silent and imposing on the hill.
âYou needed to go to cabin nine. You needed the noise, the heat, and the smell of oil. You needed Marco.
âYou started across the green, hugging yourself, your footsteps silent on the damp grass. You kept your head down, focused on the destination, praying to Hypnos that no one was awake.
âBut the Fates, as always, were never that kind.
ââGoing somewhere, Melody?â
âThe voice came from the shadows of the Hermes cabin porch. It was low, rough, and laced with a bitterness that stopped your heart dead in its chest.
âYou froze. You knew that voice better than your own heartbeat.
âYou turned slowly, dread coiling in your stomach like a serpent.
âLuke was sitting on the steps of cabin eleven. He wasn't wearing armor, just his sleep pants and a grey t-shirt. His elbows were resting on his knees, his hands clasped loosely between them. In the moonlight, the bruising around his nose and eyes from your punch stood out starklyâa violent mask of purple and black.
âHe looked wrecked, dangerous.
âHe stood up, descending the stairs slowly, moving like a predator stalking wounded prey. His eyes raked over you, taking in the thin silk pajamas, the bare legs, and the way you were shivering.
ââIt's three in the morning,â Luke said, stopping ten feet away. His voice was quiet, but it carried across the grass like a thunderclap. âA little late for a stroll.â
ââGo back to bed, Luke,â you whispered, your voice shaking. You hugged your arms tighter across your chest, suddenly feeling incredibly naked in the silk set. âLeave me alone.â
ââI can't sleep,â Luke admitted, taking another step closer. âMy nose hurts. Wonder why.â
ââMaybe you shouldn't grab people,â you snapped, stepping back. âMaybe you shouldn't trap them.â
ââI said I was sorry, okay?â he said, the words sounding less like an apology and more like an accusation. He looked at the direction you were headingâstraight toward the Hephaestus cabin, where the faint glow of the forge chimneys painted the sky orange.
âHis expression hardened, his jaw clenching. âLet me guess. Running to him?â
ââHe's my friend,â you defended, lifting your chin. âAnd he's awake.â
ââOf course he is,â Luke scoffed, a cruel, ugly sound leaving his throat. âWaiting for you, is he? Did you plan this? A little late-night rendezvous?â
ââNo!â you hissed, the accusation stinging like poison ivy against your skin. âI just couldn't sleep because you made me feel unsafe in my own camp!â
ââI made you feel unsafe?â Luke looked wounded, stepping into the moonlight. âI'm the one who protects you! I'm the one who's always been there! And now... Now you're running to the mechanic in your... in that.â âHis eyes dropped to your outfit again, burning with a mix of desire and jealousy that made your skin crawl. âDid he buy you that, too? Along with the bracelet?â
ââSilena gave it to me,â you growled. âStop looking at me like that.â
ââLike what?â Luke challenged, his voice dropping to a growl. âLike I'm watching my best friend walk away from me to go play house with a guy who isn't worth the dirt on her shoes?â
ââHe is worth ten of you right now!â you shouted, not caring if you woke up campers or got the attention of the harpies. âHe listens to me! He respects me! He doesn't treat me like a possession!â
ââHe's a thief!â Luke roared, losing his composure. âHe stole you! You were mine, Melody! You were mine!â
ââI am not anyoneâs property!â you screamed back, the tears finally spilling over, before turning around and running.
ââMelody, wait!â Luke shouted, taking a step as if to chase you.
âBut you didn't look back. You sprinted across the green, your sneakers pounding the earth, your breath tearing at your throat. You ran toward the smoke, toward the fire, toward the safety of the iron door.
âYou hit the door of cabin nine with your shoulder, stumbling as you grabbed the handle. It was unlockedâthank Hephaestus.
âYou practically fell inside, slamming the heavy steel door behind you and engaging the lock with trembling hands. You leaned your back against the cold metal, sliding down until you hit the floor, gasping for air, the image of Lukeâs bruised, angry face burned into your mind.
ââY/n?â
âThe voice came from the spiral staircase leading to the basement.
âMarco appeared, wiping his hands on a rag. He was wearing low-slung sweatpants and a white tank top, his arms smeared with grease. He looked tired, but the moment he saw youâhuddled on the floor, shaking, wearing nothing but pink silk and terrorâhis face transformed.
ââHey,â he said softly, dropping the rag. He moved quickly, not running, but covering the distance with long, purposeful strides. He knelt in front of you, not touching you yet, just being there. A solid wall between you and the world outside. âYouâre okay. I've got you.â
âYou launched yourself at him.
âYou buried your face in his chest, ignoring the grease, ignoring the sweat. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held on for dear life.
ââHe was there,â you sobbed into his shirt. âHe was waiting. He saw me.â
âMarco didn't ask who. He knew. His arms came around you, lifting you effortlessly off the floor as he stood up. He held you tight, carrying you like you weighed nothing, walking straight for the stairs.
ââI've got you,â he repeated, his voice a low rumble against your ear. âWe're going downstairs. He can't get in. Even if he tries, the hydraulic locks are set. You're safe.â
âHe carried you down into the basement, into the warm, cluttered sanctuary of his bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed, keeping you on his lap, hugging you gently as you cried.
ââI hate him,â you choked out, the lie tasting painfully bitter against your lips. âI hate him so much.â
ââI know,â Marco whispered, rubbing your back with his large, warm hand. âI know.â
âHe sat with you for a long time, just letting you cry it out. He didn't pressure you to talk. He didn't tell you to stop. He just held you, a steady anchor in the storm of your emotions.
âWhen the sobs finally subsided into hiccups, Marco reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a box of tissues. He pulled one out and gently wiped your face, cleaning up the mess of tears and snot without a single look of judgment.
ââBetter?â he asked softly, brushing a stray hair from your forehead.
ââA little,â you sniffled, leaning your head on his shoulder. You looked down at your pajamas, suddenly self-conscious again. "I... I didn't grab a jacket."
ââI noticed.â Marco gave a small, sad smile. He reached behind him and grabbed the grey hoodieâthe one you had worn yesterday. âHere. Put this on. You're freezing.â
âYou pulled the hoodie over the silk camisole. It smelled like him, and the scent instantly calmed your racing heart. You pulled your knees up to your chest, curling into a ball on his bed.
ââI couldn't sleep,â you admitted, your voice hoarse. âI just... My brain wouldn't shut off.â
ââMe neither,â Marco said, leaning back against the headboard, stretching his legs out. âI was working on something and thinking about... well, everything.â
ââI feel crazy,â you whispered, picking at the lint on the hoodie. âI feel like I'm losing my mind. One minute I want to punch him again, and the next I want to... I want to go to him and apologize. I want to fix his nose. I want to make sure he's okay. Is that sick? After what he did?â
ââIt's not sick, Y/n,â Marco said gently. âIt's human. You've loved him for a long time. You can't just turn that off like a light switch. Even when he hurts you.â
ââWhy can't he just love me?â
âThe question slipped out before you could stop it. It hung in the air, raw and pathetic.
ââWhy am I not enough?â you continued, the words tumbling out in a rush of self-doubt. âI tried so hard, Marco. For three years. I learned how to use a sword for him when I'm shit at it. I sat on the roof and listened to him talk about his dad for hours. I patched him up each and every time he got hurt. I was there. And he looks at me and sees... a partner. A sidekick. And then he looks at Lacy, and he sees a girlfriend.â
âYou looked up at Marco, tears welling up again. âIs there something wrong with me? Am I too loud? Too messy? Too ugly? Am I just... not the kind of girl heroes fall for?â
ââStop,â Marco said, his voice firm. He reached out and took your hand, squeezing it tight. âLook at me.â
âYou met his amber eyes. They were burning with an intensity that took your breath away.
ââThere is nothing wrong with you,â Marco said, enunciating every word. âYou are everything, Y/n. You are beautiful. You are smart, brave, and kind. You're the kind of girl who stops to help the younger kids tie their shoes even when you're late. You're the kind of girl who memorizes lyrics and sings them off-key just to make people laugh.â
âHe took a deep breath, his thumb running over your knuckles.
ââLuke is blind,â Marco continued, his voice rough. âHe's looking for a reflection of himself. He wants someone perfect because he's obsessed with being perfect. But you... You're real. And that scares him.â
ââI just feel stupid,â you whispered. âI feel like I gave him everything I had, and he just... tossed it aside.â
âYouâre not stupid, Y/n. You are human. You are entitled to feel the way you do because youâre hurt about the things he did.â
âYou always say the right thing,â you whispered. âHow do you do that?â
âI practice,â Marco grinned, a boyish, sheepish expression cracking his serious demeanor. âIn the mirror. For about five years.â
You laughed, a small, wet sound that broke the heavy tension. âYou practiced talking to me?â
âOh, yeah,â Marco admitted, looking down at your hand as if it were a blueprint he was studying. âYou have no idea. The number of failed attempts I have to impress you... Itâs a graveyard of good intentions.â
âLike the copper rose?â you asked, the fond memory surfacing through the haze.
âThat was just the tip of the iceberg,â Marco groaned, covering his face with his free hand. âDo you remember your fifteenth birthday? You found a quiver full of sonic arrows on your bunk? The ones that hummed a perfect C-major chord when you fired them?â
Your eyes went wide. âThat was you? I thought... I thought that my siblings chipped in to buy them from the Hephaestus cabin!â
âNope,â Marco shook his head, peeking through his fingers. âI spent three weeks tuning the fletching. I wanted them to harmonize with your voice. I left them on your bunk while everyone was at dinner. I was too scared to sign the card.â
âI loved those arrows,â you whispered, awe coloring your tone. âI used them during the quest to get that kidâDelilah Owens from elevenâout of her school because Chiron asked me to. They saved my life.â
âI know,â Marco said softly. âI watched you practice with them from the forge window. You looked so happy. You looked lethal.â
âAnd what about...â You narrowed your eyes, another puzzle piece clicking into place. âLast Valentineâs Day. I got a box of chocolates shaped like little lyres. And a card that just said, âYou make the camp run smoother.â It wasn't signed.â
Marco turned a bright, violent shade of red that clashed with his tank top. âOkay, in my defense, Charlie told me that was a romantic line. Looking back, it sounds like I was complimenting a transmission.â
You giggled, leaning forward. âIt was sweet! Weird, but sweet. I ate all of them. They tasted like... cinnamon and motor oil?â
âI might have tempered the chocolate on the wrong workbench,â Marco admitted, looking mortified.
You stopped laughing and really looked at him.
For three years, while you were running after Luke, trying to be the perfect partner, trying to twist yourself into shapes that would please him... Marco had been here. Quietly tuning your arrows. Making you chocolates. Watching you from the window.
Luke had never given you a birthday gift. He usually forgot or gave you a high-five and said, âGood job staying alive another year.â
Luke had never sent you a Valentine. He said holidays were distractions for the weak.
But Marco? Marco had been loving you in the quietest, most thoughtful ways possible. He was the foundation you hadn't realized you were standing on.
ââYou're the only one,â you whispered, the realization hitting you like a physical weight. âYou're the only one who actually thought about me.â
ââI think about you a lot,â Marco said softly.
ââWhy didn't you say anything?â you asked, your voice trembling. âWhy did you let me make a fool of myself over Luke when you were right there?â
ââBecause you were in love with him,â Marco said simply. âAnd I'm not the kind of guy who breaks up a team. I wanted you to be happy, Y/n. Even if it wasn't with me.â
ââThat'sâŚâ You shook your head, feeling a tear slide down your cheek. âThat's so stupidly noble.â
ââMaybe,â Marco gave a crooked grin. âOr maybe I'm just a coward.â
ââYou are not a coward,â you said fiercely. You reached out and touched his arm, right over the bandage where Luke had cut him. âA coward wouldn't have caught me on the climbing wall. A coward wouldnât have stupidly agreed to a duel with the best swordsman here at camp.â
âYou looked at him, then frowned as the kindness in his eyes and the strength in his shoulders registered in your mind.
ââWhy⌠Why didn't you chase other girls?â you asked, the question burning in your throat. âGirls who aren't... messy. Girls who aren't crying over their best friend at 3 AM. Girls who aren't complicated...â
âMarco looked at you, his gaze steady and unwavering. He reached out and took your hand again, his grip firm. âBecause they weren't you,â he said, his voice rough with emotion. âI tried, Y/n. I tried to look at other girls. But every time I did... I'd just compare them to you. They didn't laugh like you. They didn't fight like you. They didn't have that fire.â
âHe leaned in closer, his beautiful amber eyes searching yours. âI could never choose to love another,â he whispered, the confession hanging in the air like a sacred prayer. âIt was always you. Even when you didn't see me. Even when it hurts.â
âYour heart hammered against your ribs. It was a beautiful, terrifying thing to hear. It was everything you had ever wanted Luke to say but probably never would.Â
Marco did.
âBut you couldn't lie to him. You couldn't give him a half-truth.
ââMarco,â you whispered, squeezing his hand. âI... I can't promise you anything right now. My heart is... It's a mess. It's bruised and it's confused, and part of it is still stupidly attached to that whining idiot out there.â
âMarco nodded, his expression open and understanding. âI know.â
ââI don't want to use you,â you said, your voice breaking. âI don't want to lead you on. You deserve someone who loves you wholly. Not someone who is patching herself back together.â
ââI'm a mechanic, remember?â Marco smiled gently, lifting your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles. âI'm good at fixing things. And I'm patient. I'm not asking for everything right now, Y/n. I'm just asking for a chance. A chance to be the one who makes you smile. A chance to be the one holding your hand.â
âYou looked at him, feeling a warmth spread through your chest that chased away the cold of the night.
ââI thinkâŚâ you started, your voice soft. âI think I'd like that. And maybe... Maybe one day, I could learn to love you... too? The way you deserve...â
âMarco's smile widened, lighting up the dim room. âYou don't have to rush, Doc. I told you. Iâm good at waiting. Iâve got a PhD in patience.â
âYouâre crazy,â you whispered, a watery smile breaking through.
âAbout you? Yeah. Certifiable.â
âHe pulled you into a hug, settling you back against his chest. You leaned into him, feeling the steady thrum of his heart. It was a different rhythm than Luke's frantic energy. It was steady. Sustainable.
ââTry to sleep,â Marco murmured into your hair. âWe have a war to win tomorrow.â
ââI'm worried,â you admitted, closing your eyes. âAbout tomorrow. Luke is going to beâŚâ
ââLuke is going to be Luke,â Marco said firmly. âBut you know what? You're Y/n. You're the best archer in this camp. You have the rage of Aunt Artemis inside you. You're going to summon that huntress energy, and you're going to crush him.â
ââArcher rage,â you giggled sleepily.
ââExactly. Channel your inner goddess. Shoot him in the butt if you have to.â
ââMarco!â
ââI'm just saying! Whatever works!â
âYou laughed, the sound muffled by his shirt. You felt safe. You felt seen.
âAs you drifted off to sleep in the basement of cabin nine, wrapped in the arms of the boy who built things just to see you smile, the image of Luke Castellan faded into the background.
summary: two years had passed since you first met gojo satoru, and it was two years of having an agonizingly one-sided crush on the white-haired genius. for the most part, you were okay with keeping it down and acting like the nights you spent fantasizing about what it would be like to be his were normal. you were fine keeping it hidden until something between the two of you shifts, and you're left wondering if this crush you have on him is truly as delirious as you think.
genre: 18+, nerdjo, slow burn, angst + happy ending (duh), fluff, eventual smut (nerdjo being a munch), some mention of insecurities but nothing major
word count: 33k (oops)
note: nerdjo bu set in oxford! art credit! @to00fu
jjk masterlist
It began at one of the English department get-togethers.Â
Two years ago, when you felt like you had to come to every single event in the hopes of striking expeditious luck at one of them. And itâs not that you particularly disliked these events, but they werenât the first thing youâd think of when it came to how youâd prefer to spend your free time.Â
The weather was just getting chilly enough where youâd rather stay in your dorm and wrap yourself in three blankets and a sweater, and the year had been dragging on long enough where youâd rather just talk about the wonders of Shakespeare and his sonnets in the confines of your next research paper and not with academics who made you feel inferior.Â
You had been invited weeks in advance, and yet you still found yourself dreading being here, the more it led to it, and even more when you were in the thick of it. Awkward small-talk with students youâve seen around briefly and stiff handshakes with male professors who think that they have better places to be were just mentally taxing, and you counted the seconds until it was all over.Â
Thankfully, it was busy enough that you could slip into the background without many people even noticing you were there, but not so crowded that you could just slip away entirely without somebody asking where the great Dr. Howardâs research assistant had gone. And anyways, it wasnât too horrible. You had taken to silently recounting Othello in your mind moments before everything changed.Â
There was a small tap on your shoulder. It startled you at first, and you looked around in your small corner to see a man waiting patiently behind you, a sheepish look on his face as you tried to gather yourself up.Â
âIâm sorry,â he stammered, and you blinked out of your stupor as you tried to recall in your brain if you had met him before to save yourself from the embarrassment of him having to re-introduce himself, âI didnât mean to surprise you.âÂ
He looked familiar. His eyes were a deep amethyst, his smile was soft and kind. His dark and shaggy hair was tied behind his head in a small bun, and his ears were adorned with multiple piercings. Although many at Oxford, especially the men, tried to appear as blank as usual, he seemed apt and content with going against the stuffy and old notions.Â
You must have seemed confused because the man stuttered as he introduced himself.Â
âIâm Suguru,â he restarted, his hand leaving his side as he extended it to shake yours, âI think we had the same English survey course last semester.âÂ
Your confusion melted away into a wide smile as you shook his hand, his own eyes crinkling around the edges as he grinned back, letting out a breath of relief as you nodded insistently, shaking your head at your own self.Â
âRight, right, Suguru! I remember you!â You exclaimed, setting your cup down to the side as you watched him tuck a strand of loose hair behind his ear, âYou sat a little bit in front of me, right?âÂ
His head ducked down momentarily as he chukked, putting his hands in his pants pockets as he nodded.Â
âI did,â he chuckled slightly, âRight in the line of fire for when Howard needed to pick on someone.âÂ
Your lips quirk up slightly as you nod, remembering how the professor you work for now used to terrorize your class and quiz random students on particular syllables and grammatical imperfections in the reading they were supposed to have done.Â
The class was small, as were most major-specific courses you were taking. Although you didnât have many of your friends in the class, you had gotten a good sense of who was in there and who Dr. Howard preferred to pick on. Suguru, for the most part, did the reading and did his work, so he came out unscathed compared to some of the other students. He sat near the front with some of his own friends, and you had talked to him in passing a couple of times when the class as a whole would band together to compare comments on assignments. He was kind, from what you remembered, which is probably why you felt your shoulders growing less tense the more you two talked.Â
âThatâs her style,â you say, shrugging as you fiddle with your fingers. âIt took a while to get used to it,â you admit. Suguru rolls his eyes at your humility, remembering clearly just how much Dr. Howard favored you, but he doesnât say anything as he lets you continue, âI donât know if youâve had Creemer yet, but heâs worse with his cold calls and isnât half as nice.âÂ
âI have him right now for rhetoric and grammar,â he said with a sigh, shaking his head in dismay, âHeâsâŚsadistic, I think.â
You giggle, nodding feverishly at the statement as you recall your past couple of classes with the hellish professor, an infamous name for many English majors and someone that you try to avoid at all costs if possible.Â
The party, or gathering, as it said on the invitation, drones on in the background as you look around to see if anybody is looking in your direction. Most of the time, you can do what you want, but seeing that Dr. Howard had warned you before tonight that somebody from the department might want to swarm you to ask questions that you most likely didnât have answers to, had put you on edge.Â
âAre you enjoying yourself?â He asked, motioning to the rest of the people with a knowing glint as you politely smile, shrugging your shoulders as your lips press tightly together. Whether it be your shy nature or how you preferred smaller crowds, it mustâve been evident on your face that you werenât necessarily having the most amount of fun.Â
âI am,â you answer, wincing at the way your voice sounded warbled, âIâm trying to make the most of these opportunities, I guess.âÂ
Suguruâs head dipped in understanding, taking a sip of his drink as he bit the inside of his cheek, leaning in slightly as he lowered his voice.Â
âThese things drag on for a bit, though, yeah? Iâm feeling my fingers prune from how long Iâve held this glass.âÂ
You let out a sigh of relief, sharing the same sentiment as the two of you share a knowing look.Â
âIâŚI, um, I heard that Howard chose you to research with her, though, right? Thatâs gotta be pretty cool,â Suguru asked after a beat, bringing you back to the conversation as his head tilted slightly, and you felt heat rush to your cheeks as you swallowed. He seemed kind, not asking the question bitterly as some other people have.Â
You nodded again, trying to contain your smile as you leaned against the stone pillar next to you. Letting out a small hum, you swallow again, trying to scope out what sort of place he was coming from.Â
âIt is,â you answered, biting on the inside of your cheek as you were still reeling from being selected from such a wide pool of applicants and such a rigorous interview process to work on her next paper analyzing Moreâs work through a modern lens, âItâsâŚstrenous, sometimes, but Iâm having a lot of fun working with her,â you fidgeted with your fingers, âSo yeah, itâs pretty cool.â You say sheepishly.Â
Suguru smiled at your hidden enthusiasm, the tip of his boot nudging something on the ground. He went to usher you to continue before his eye caught something behind your shoulder, his eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise as his smile grew even wider, his hand raising in a wave.Â
âSorry,â he apologetically muttered, and you craned your neck around to see what it was, or rather who it was that Suguru had seen, âI think my friend just arrived.âÂ
Thatâs when you felt your breathing stop.Â
The bustling group of students and faculty members almost seemed to part theatrically for the man walking towards the two of you, but you couldnât even blame them.Â
He stuck out like a sore thumb, with his icy white hair and strikingly beautiful eyes. His lengthy frame made him nearly a head taller than even the tallest man in the room, and his wide shoulders helped him wade through the bodies as he navigated to his friend. His face seemed stoic, bordering on bored, but you couldnât help but widen your eyes in shock at seeing the most devastatingly gorgeous man to ever exist. He adjusted his glasses over the bridge of his nose, his lips moving in quiet apologies as he tried to move through the people without bumping into them.Â
You suddenly became hyper-aware of the fact that it had been days since you had last had a good night's sleep and that the bags under your eyes were most likely even more evident in the dim lighting of the old hall, and how your sweater was lumpy from being shoved in the back of your closet for so long. You swallow thickly as Suguru quickly excused himself as he stepped away and walked a bit away to hug the stranger, exchanging some words with each other as you stood awkwardly to the side.Â
You watched them silently as they talked for a little bit more before Suguru stepped away, his hand on his friend's back as he, for some horrifying reason, seemed to guide him towards where you were stiffly standing as the two of you made eye contact before you became aware of the way your eyeballs felt in your socket and how heavy your tongue was in your mouth.Â
When Suguru finally pulled away from the modern-day Adonis, you felt like a creeper and a loner as you wondered whether or not to leave or stand in the corner while they talked, but ever the kind person that he was, Suguru led the man by the back to where the two of you were with a wide smile on his face.Â
âSorry about that,â Suguru abashedly apologized, chuckling deeply as he rubbed the back of his neck, âBut this is my friend, Satoru,â he said brightly, pushing the man a little harshly towards you as you stared at him silently.
The man, Satoru, gives you a tight-lipped smile, nodding once in your direction as he looks around, looking uncomfortable and shifty. Suguru rolled his eyes, sighing deeply as he patted his friend's back.Â
You grinned back, swallowing the spit in your mouth as you felt him stare at you once he was done looking at the room, your cheeks heating up. You felt his eyes drift over your outfit, at your posture, and the way your hands were clasped tightly together. This stranger assessed the way you swayed slightly, awkwardly, not knowing how to fill the silence as you tapped the tip of your battered shoes on the ground. When he was done, his chin lifted again, his stare lingering on your blinking face as you glanced between him and Suguru, waiting for somebody to say something before you imploded and left with the lingering scent of your vanilla body spray.Â
Seeing that he was fine with checking you out, you took the time to do the same. He seemed like one of the generational students of the school, the ones whose parents and grandparents and cousins and siblings all came and went and made something important with their lives. They werenât hard to detect, especially him, with his steamed jumper and his creased pants. His leather shoes were shining back at you, and though his hair was somewhat messy, it seemed to be classily messy, unlike what you and some other students would call freely messy.
âI force him to come to these things with me,â Suguru explained, but you could barely hear him over the rhythm of heartbeats in your ear as you tried to fly, appreciate the man a few feet in front of you, âOur friend Shoko sometimes comes, but she had things to do tonight.â
The manâs nose wrinkled ever so slightly, his brows drawing tightly together as he glanced at his friend with a look.Â
âI had things to do too,â he muttered, his voice deep as you felt your heart stupidly tumble at the sounds.Â
Suguru snorted, shaking his head as he shrugged indifferently.Â
âSure,â Suguru replied sarcastically and glanced at you, his brow slightly raised at the way you had gone silent, his lips quirking slightly when he noticed the way you couldnât stop staring at his friend, not voicing anything as his hand on Satoruâs shoulder loosened, âJust act like you want to be here for twenty minutes, yeah?â
You bit your teeth into your cheek, a finger raising slightly as you pointed to the newcomer's face.Â
âI like your glasses,â you said brightly, your smile gentle as you fidget with your own, watching the way his striking eyes moved over to you again, squinting slightly as his hand raised upwards, as if he had forgotten that his glasses were even there, âThey frame your face really well.â Your head tilts a little as you try to place something, âWhereâd you get them? If, if you donât mind me asking. Mine is so old and dingy, and the rims are basically glued on, and Iâve only had them for a few years.âÂ
âErm, well, thank you,â Satoru says stiffly, not used to the direct attention and compliments, his cheeks slightly dusted with pink as Suguru watches his friend struggle for words, taking the glasses off as he turns them to the side, trying to read the logo, âThese are, erm, from Cartier. But I usually wear contacts, anyway.â
You let out a startled laugh, not a stranger to hearing students at this place don expensive items, but this being the first time youâve seen one of them bashful about it.Â
You nod, your smile still there, softer as you take in his slightly awkward nature and let him put the glasses back on before you continue.Â
âContacts are more practical,â you agree, even though youâve always had a phobia of things touching your eyes and would never wear contacts unless somebody forced you, shrugging as you say, âBut Iâve always appreciated the look of glasses.âÂ
Satoru gnaws on his lips, nodding quietly as Suguru starts talking about his friend's major (biochemistry, you came to find out), and how long theyâve known each other, but you could only feel your stupid feelings when Suguru stayed, his friend included, and talked with you for the rest of the evening.Â
That was your sophomore year.Â
Nearly two years passed after befriending Suguru alongside his small group. He introduced you to Shoko after that night, swearing up and down that the two of you were destined to be near each other. And we werenât wrong, not in the slightest. You two girls bonded strangely fast, as if you were twin flames that were being fanned out. Suguru and Satoru seemed to mirror the two of you, but the group functioned as a whole, for the most part. You spent so many nights over at their dorms that you could walk around blindfolded and still find your way to the others with no issue. It was fun, it was what you had dreamt of for so long. It was something that you were fine with, more than content with, ending your university career in a couple of months.Â
Well, everything for the most part, you could consider it as such if it wasnât for your debilitating and soul-crushing feelings for the stranger you met that night.Â
Itâs been four semesters, and you still donât think Gojo Satoru has a clue. Which, in all honesty, is for the better.Â
Although his stoic nature spares nobody, it feels as though you're always on the worst end of it. With his lingering stares that seem to border on questioning why you were even there whenever he sees you, to the way he grows dim and quiet around you, it feels like youâre actively attempting to hurt yourself the more you fall in love with the little things you hadnât noticed the day prior.
Even worse, you know deep down that such feelings are most likely, under this sun and every other universe, with most certainty and heavy grief, unrequited.Â
But youâre fine keeping it down.Â
You were fine until recently.
â
âIâm debating switching majors.âÂ
Shoko declared from the couch, her legs hanging off the side, knocking occasionally on your shoulders as you crane your neck back on the cushion form where you were seated on the ground to look at her upside down.Â
âTo what?âÂ
She shrugged, rubbing at her eyes as she held her neuroanatomy textbook in one hand, her phone in the other as she scrolled through the different majors Oxford offered, as if she wasnât a semester away from graduating.Â
âFilm?â She read out, and you snorted, rolling your eyes at the prospect of Shoko going into film, âHmâŚmaybe art history?âÂ
âGave up on the med school dream?â Suguru quips from the other side of the couch, knowing fully that Shoko was just going on another one of her tangents as she shifted slightly to shove him harshly with her socked foot.Â
âIâm sure your counselor wouldnât mind,â you reply, looking at her as she glares, her eyes falling back to her phone as she peers at the screen. She looked boredly a little bit before her eyes flitted upwards slightly, squinting as she read the new notification.Â
âSatoru said heâs going to be here in a few minutes,â she muttered, reading the next message, âAnd that he wants you,â she nudged Suguru with her foot again to motion that it was him that Satoru was referencing in the text, âTo move to your bed so that he can do his work on his side of the couch.âÂ
Suguru peeked up from his doom scrolling to look at Shoko, his eyes narrowed in a glare as he let out a huff of annoyance.Â
âHis side?âÂ
Shoko shrugged, her knee knocking on the side of your head as you knock it back, the book you were reading resting in your hands as you listened to Suguru mutter distastefully about how this was his dorm and that Satoru had no right claiming his couch, but you heard him shuffle to his feet nonetheless.Â
You tried not to show any peek of interest when the infamous name was called out, but it was hard not to. It had been two grueling years of mulling over your childish crush, yet the sound of his name could still send pulses to your veins that you were sure were minor heart attacks.Â
Because it was Gojo Satoru. You wanted to bang your head against the coffee table just hearing it.Â
Truth be told, you werenât a stranger to having crushes. It was normal, it was human. Or at least, thatâs what you convinced yourself when you were sprawled out on your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as you tried not to think about the way his fingers ever so slightly grazed your wrist when he handed you some chopsticks earlier at the restaurant.Â
But your crushes came few and far between, and you preferred keeping it that way. Seeing that you were too terrified to ever admit them, and the few, very few times you have, theyâve backfired horrifically, you try not to catch feelings as much as possible. But there was something about Gojo, something beyond reason, that pulled you to him.Â
At first, you bargained. You tried convincing yourself that it was just his appearance that was drawing you in, his suave looks that made peopleâs heads turn whenever he entered a room. But you have seen him at four in the morning with his old band tees (a sight that still made you swoon), with his hair crusted with glitter and his eyes pink with eyeshadow as Shoko attempted to put him in drag. Even then, he was insanely gorgeous, so you knew it had to be beyond that.Â
When you had finally accepted that it was a mind-numbing and life-ending crush that you were feeling towards him, you finally gave in and decided to admire the tall brute from afar. It helped that the two of you had gotten somewhat closer over the past two years, but out of everyone in the group, he was the one you talked to the least. In your defense, he didnât have much to say to anybody, and that was just his nature. He spent most of his time studying and researching, and the other time watching, observant as other people gossiped. It wasnât his forte, and nobody pushed him.Â
So you took in his quietness and his stoicism, appreciated his god-like looks and his overwhelming presence. That was fine.Â
What made it even worse was that he was so unattainably perfect in other ways that your crush festered into something that made you scream into your pillows and throw your balls of clothes at the wall as you wallowed in self-pity.Â
Everyone at this damned university was intelligent, and you had made amends with them early on. But you loved men who were smart, guys who could actually hold a page down and dissect it and make the most of it. And worst of all, Gojo Satoru was probably the most intellectual person you have ever met, and will ever meet. It seemed like his memory was photographic, his mind working twenty thousand times faster than the regular brain as he computed formulas and equations at speeds that you couldnât fathom. He made biochemistry seem easy, something that you sometimes felt guilty for not pursuing. And sure, it didnât help that you were on the other side with your texts about Russian classics and books diving deep into the restoration period, but even Shoko, who could rival Gojo at times, would begrudgingly admit under her breath just how stupidly genius he was.Â
Therefore, when you put those things together, his charming looks, his bookish self, his brooding structure, and just everything else, it made him unattainably perfect.
And thatâs when you get the man youâve been hopelessly in love with since the moment you saw him at that wretched party that wasnât a party.Â
So, when Shoko read off his texts, there was good reason why she looked at the top of your head, a knowing look in her eyes as she playfully nudges you again, watching as you threw her a dark glare to just keep it down seeing that she was the only other soul who knew, despite you trying your best to hide it, about your feelings towards her other friend.Â
âDid you hear that Toji is graduating a semester late?â Suguru asked, leaning back against his pillows, his long legs strewn along his bed as he chewed on some gum.Â
You and Shoko both hummed, not looking up from your respective tasks, having found this information out weeks in advance.Â
Suguru groaned in annoyance, his chest vibrating with the noise as you snorted, rolling your eyes as he threw a small pillow at your head. It bounced off the side of your face, but you didnât look up from the page you were on, too engrossed to hear the door behind you click open and heavy footsteps suddenly thudding through the dorm.Â
You shuffled against the couch, your back feeling stiff as you tried to get comfortable, not knowing that the man of your dreams was moving around somewhere behind you as he hung his coat up (vintage leather, something you found out as he grumbled about getting it wet when Shoko and Suguru insisted on walking in the rain once), kicked off his shoes, and slung his bag around as Shoko craned her neck to see what he was doing.Â
âHey,â Shoko called out, and your eyes widened slightly when you heard a familiar voice grunt back a tired greeting, trying not to look as your ears suddenly sharpened to pick up on the sound of him pulling on his sweatshirt as he rounded the couch, standing at the opposite end as he plopped his backpack on the cushions.Â
You finally allowed yourself to peek over, your eyes following his figure upwards until they landed on his face, and your fists balled in frustration at how pretty he was even when he was simply existing.Â
Gojo sent you a small, tight-lipped and courteous nod, polite and curt as he looked between you and Shoko, glancing back at the bed where Suguru was lying, his fingers barely lifting from his phone as he gave his childhood best friend a lazy three-fingered wave.Â
âWhyâre you here?â His blunt question was directed at Shoko, something that held no bite but mere wondering as he situated himself on the soft cushions, his large hands feeling around his bag as he opened up the zipper to get his laptop.Â
âI thought that it was allowed,â Shoko replied dryly, âApologies.âÂ
You chuckle softly, flipping the page, trying not to let his signature cologne distract you from the words in front of you.Â
âHow was your lab?â Suguru asked, sounding monotone as his thumb swiped on the screen.Â
You watched as Gojo gave him a glare, his nose wrinkling, something he often did when he was frustrated but didn't want to ruin his outward appearance, and rubbed at his tired eyes. His hair was messy with goggle indents lining the upper half of his face.Â
âAn offense to my intelligence,â Gojo grumbled, his face illuminated by the glow of his laptop as he clicked around a little bit, âI canât believe some people have made it this far.âÂ
You flipped another page, not fully having read the contents of the last one, but in an attempt to seem indifferent, tried to keep up with your regular reading pace as if anybody was keeping track.Â
Watching as he riffles through his bag again, you know, almost like clockwork, what heâs going to pull out. His routine is one that youâve familiarized yourself with despite your best judgment, and you know that what comes next are his glasses.Â
Glasses are normal. You have your own pair that you only wear for lectures and outings, but forgo them for times like this because they sit a little too heavy on your nose. But his glasses are something else.Â
They elevate his face ever so slightly, but so much so that it makes you want to keel over and scream. They accentuate his perfect nose with the perfect crook and his freckles that sometimes sit just beneath the frames. He looks even more dashing, if that was even possible, with the way he looks up sometimes, and the lenses make his eyes seem even more blue.Â
He took them off for labs and put them somewhere safe. In moments like this, you were reminded of just how truly stunning this man really was.Â
Gojo unfolded the two prongs, holding them up to a source of light as his nose wrinkled again.Â
Smudges.Â
You watch silently as he dives back into the bag, his long fingers searching through his pockets for something you knew you always kept on hand for yourself and deep down, for him.Â
After a few seconds of not finding the microfiber cloth that you both silently cherished, you gave in, pulling your own bag towards you as you unzipped the smaller pocket, pulling it out stealthily and motioning for Shoko to hand it to Gojo.Â
He took it, his face going so far to relax momentarily as he went to clean the lenses, his head nodding once in quiet appreciation in your direction as you allowed yourself a nod in return.Â
Shoko looked at you with a raised brow, and you chose to hide behind your book.
âWas it Lainey?â Suguru asked, looking over at his friend, the name piquing your interest as you cast a quizzical look at Shoko, but she shrugged, watching Gojo as his expression soured. He handed you back your little cloth, muttering a thanks under his breath as his bitter gaze found Suguru, as if he was cursing him silently for bringing up the sensitive subject.Â
âWhat do you think?â He grumbled out, his right eye almost twitching as his fingers stretched out, typing something quickly as Suguru huffed out a laugh, noting how you and Shoko were both confused, and his smile only grew.Â
âYou didnât tell them?â Suguru asked, a gleam in his eyes as he shuffled to sit upwards, his back resting on the headboard, âOh, this is class. Do you two know Lainey? Lainey Andrews?âÂ
You cast a look at Shoko, your lips pursing as your eyes squinted, trying to recall the familiar name.Â
âThe ginger?â Shoko asked, her head tilting to the side, her hair falling around her shoulder, âPixie cut?âÂ
Suguru nodded, his shoulders raising as your brows furrowed before your mouth slightly fell open when your head bobbed quickly, snapping as you matched the face to the name.Â
âOh, Lainey!â You exclaimed, âSheâs really pretty,â you added, remembering her bright green eyes and the spattered freckles that made her look like a painting, âSheâs also crazy smart - sheâs double majoring in bio and poli sci."
Shoko laughed softly under her breath, giving you a small look because this was somewhat typical of you to know random people, with nearly everyone on campus having had a conversation with you at some point during your four years here.Â
Suguru raised a brow, clicking his tongue as he pointed his phone at Gojo, seeming like he was already anticipating one of his sly comments. Â
âSheâs also just crazy,â Gojo muttered, looking above his laptop, above his wispy lashes at you and then to Shoko, âShe spent half of the lab playing with my hair.âÂ
Your book almost fell out of your hands as Shoko sat up with a barking out a stunned laugh, your hands mirroring each other as they flew to cover your mouths in shock, and Suguru nodded again, his eyes wide as he clicked his tongue.Â
Another thing about Gojo? He hated being touched. Despised hugs, only suffered through quick handshakes, and shuddered at the thought of someone touching his face. Youâve seen the way he pulls back whenever someone approaches him with open arms, seen the way he tries to brush people off of him. He can tolerate Suguru and his insistent bear-hugs from time to time, can sometimes allow Shoko to swat a fly away from his face, and for some reason, doesnât grumble whenever you try to fix his ties before events, but whenever a stranger or someone he isnât close to attempts to touch him, he grows reclusive for the rest of the day.
âI told her to stop, too,â he adds, his big frame seeming to grow in frustration as he thinks back to it, âIt was only after I had to shove her off that she got the hint. I forgot my disinfectant too, so I was justâŚâ he shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut as he shifted uncomfortably, and you watched him let out a restrained exhale as he dropped it and went back to work.
But, after studying him for as long as you have, you know that he probably washed his hands and his face a couple of times after that. You know that he also wouldnât feel complete without some sanitizing wipes and a good shower, so you do the closest thing to that and fish out a hand sanitizer from your bag, an item that you refused to move around without due to your own cleanly nature, which was ironically something else that you and Gojo silently shared, and passed it to him, knowing that he was probably itching till he was able to shower again.
Your friends sometimes joked that you had a Mary Poppins bag, but it came in handy for times like this.Â
Gojoâs ears perked up at the sound of your rumaging, his eyes almost brightening at the sight of the hand sanitizer, and you pinched it between two fingers before throwing it his way, watching as he effortlessly caught it and began spraying his large palms with the lavender scent.Â
âThank you,â he mumbled again, his voice slightly losing the edge it had from before as he passed it back to you, and you smiled, nodding once before you zipped it back up.Â
You tried to ignore the way Shoko was staring at you.
âLucky us that we donât have labs, huh?â Suguru called out, throwing another tiny pillow in your direction, but this time you dodged it, moving your head down slightly so that it would miss. You huff a bit, looking over at Suguru as he shrugged, winking as he went back to his phone.Â
Suguru was another English major, the reason the two of you got familiar in the first place. He liked to say that the two of you balanced out Gojo and Shoko, but you just thought that it pushed you even further down the list of potential people your pathetic crush could be interested in.Â
There were a couple of things that you had come to terms with if you were going to crush on him. One was that you had to know in full certainty that nothing was going to come from it. You werenât going to risk the friendship, no matter how small, by going and confessing and having everything be messy. Two, was that you werenât going to feel, or at least try not to feel, jealous if he entertained the idea of pursuing something with someone else. And three, was that Gojo Satoru was so incredibly picky when it came to potential partners, that it might be impossible for even the most amazing people to snag a chance.Â
âI donât know,â you mumbled, eyes squinting as you tried to make out what one of the characters was saying, âYou didnât have to do that project with Armie.âÂ
Suguru hummed, his brow raising as he thought back to your shared class and the project that paired you up with people you didnât know, Suguru getting the better end of the stick while you were stuck with someone who insisted on plugging the project prompt into a generator.Â
âDidnât you report him?â Satoru asked, his eyes still trained on his work, but the question was now directed to you given the fact that he had sat in on a couple of your tirades in which you would drone on about how the boy was nearly about to graduate and still couldnât cite sources when he, in one of his brief moments of providing comments, would reiterate to report it to the professor.Â
You sank into your spot, giving him a suppressed look, one where your eyes met before you shared a glimpse with Suguru. Your friend rolled his eyes from across the room, shaking his head in annoyance as Satoru looked between the two of you.Â
âShe said that she didnât want to âbe a bitchâ,â Suguru said, restating the words as his fingers move up and down in the air, quoting the statement you had said to him moments before you had to present the assignment in front of the class, shushing him as you pushed him away, insisting that even though you had done the entire project on your own, that it wasnât worth the hassle to make a report with the professor and potentially have someone out for you, âI said otherwise, but she,â Suguru gave you a pointed look, âSaid sheâd cut my hair if I made it a âbig dealâ.â
Satoruâs eyes lingered on the side of your face, and you purposefully kept your head ducked and the book closer, so close that it was nearly touching your nose, as you tried to shield away their judging eyes in embarrassment.Â
âYou need to stop caring about what other people think,â Shoko said as she shoved you with her knee, this time just a little bit harder because she knows you and knows what you hide in the fear of making others think something of you that wasnât good, âI really think your professor wouldâve heard your case if you made it.â
You groaned, swatting at her leg with your book as you shuffled away, backing into another corner as you tried to readjust to the new position.Â
âYeah,â Suguru added, resting his phone momentarily on his chest, âI think it would help if you were more selfish.âÂ
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at the prospect.Â
âI just hate confrontation,â you murmur defensively, gnawing on your bottom lip as you flip a page, âAnd, plusâŚyou have to give me some credit - at least I told him that he was being frustrating,â you say, pretending to ignore them, your eyes re-reading the same word over and over again until you were confident that they were going to drop this subject, this horse that theyâve beaten multiple times, one that ended with you assuring them that you were going to speak up more until it all looped back again to times like this.
âSpeaking of confrontation, did you ever get a refund for that ticket?âÂ
There was a beat of silence before you let out a frustrated groan when Shoko reminded you of the one task you had forgotten to do in the past couple of days, your head falling to your knees as your palms jammed into your eyes.Â
âNo, oh my god, youâre so right,â your voice is muffled as you bookmark your page, your fists clenching at your own mistake as your eyes crack open, âOh my god, I canât believe I forgot to follow up on that!âÂ
Shoko chuckled, rolling her eyes as Suguru and Satoru shared a look, them now sharing confusion as you writhe on the floor at the thought of knowing you couldâve saved a couple of bucks had you not forgotten to call up the school of drama help center for accidentally buying an extra ticket to the showing of The Beggarâs Opera. And, seeing that it was Tuesday and just days before the theatre program, one that needed funds, was about to perform, the deadline for your refund was most likely up.
âSo does that mean you need me to come with you next Saturday?â Shoko offered, her lips quirking up slightly as your head shot up, nodding quickly as your hands flew to hers, shaking them feverishly.Â
âWould you? Would you really?â You ask, and her laughter grows, shoving you off playfully by pushing your forehead back to where you were sitting.Â
âIâll see what I can do,â she says with a sigh, winking at you before she goes back to her phone, and you settle back in your seat as you gnaw on your lips, thinking back to how on earth you could have possibly messed up so bad when you so usually only buy one ticket for yourself, but you push it aside, thankful that your dearest friend was at least going to make use of it.Â
You, Suguru, and Shoko shared a small laugh and went on with the conversation, but you heard a low, deep noise, something only you could hear, as Suguru and Shoko returned to bickering about which major Shoko was best suited for.Â
The sound made you glance up briefly, looking over the pages to see Gojo still staring at you, his lashes fluttering before he snapped back to it and went back to doing his work.Â
Minutes turned into a few hours, and the room was filled with the occasional story and laughter, but mostly the four of you worked together on different assignments, sometimes looking up as you would recall something from the past couple of days that you were saving to tell them in person.Â
It seemed like everything was going smoothly until Suguru got a notification on his phone, his face lighting up as he swiveled out of his bed, jumping onto the floor as he tugged his shoes on, not explaining anything as the three of you glanced up, waiting.Â
âMy foodâs here,â he said over his shoulder, practically gleaming as he cocked his head in Shokoâs direction, âCome down with me, will you? I need some help.âÂ
You scoff, smiling to yourself as you try to imagine just how much food he had ordered, but careful not to be too loud because you knew he would be sharing it with you all after some choice complaints were heard.Â
Shoko grumbles, but obliged, lifting up from the couch as she stretches, nudging you playing with the tip of her foot as she throws a pillow your way, walking towards Suguru as he holds the door open for her, the two of them calling out some brief goodbye as they head down to the lobby.
When the door clicks behind them, youâre suddenly aware of the fact that itâs only you and Satoru left, and you let your stare linger on the wall for a bit before you look away, suddenly sheepish when you catch his glance from his seat on the couch.
He clears his throat, eyes flickering from his screen to the book in your lap, the highlighters strewn around you, sticky notes sticking out from between the pages, and he points a finger at it.Â
âWhatâre you reading?âÂ
Your brows raise slightly, and your chin ducks down to the book, and you sit up a little straighter as you place a bookmark in the middle of your page you lifting the cover, letting him read the cover as he adjusts his glasses over his eyes.Â
âOh,â he says, his voice holding a lithe of acknowledgement as he slowly sets his laptop to the side, shifting slightly closer, âIâve read this, I think.âÂ
Your head tilts a little, lips quirking a little bit at the sides with a small smile as you look back at the cover.
âYouâve read The Norton Anthology, Volume C before?â
His mouth parts, closing it before he gapes at you, and your grin turns into a big smile, waving it away as you shake your head, shrugging at his stammering expression. Heâs so cute when caught in a lie.Â
âIâm only kidding,â you swear, setting your book down, your knees pulled towards your chest, arms wrapping around your legs, âIâm sure youâve had to read something like this for one of your previous classes.âÂ
âYouâre bothersome,â he murmurs, but his voice holds no bite as you let out another barking laugh, rolling your eyes as he tries not to smile, âIâm only trying to be polite.âÂ
You purse your lips together, giving him a questioning look as he shoots you one back.Â
âI didnât know politeness was in your artillery,â you quip, and he scoffs, moving his glasses upwards as he rubs at his tired eyes, resting backwards into the cushions as his legs part, and you try not to let your eyes linger on his thighs.Â
âI have a reserve for choice people,â he says, opening his eyes back as he looks back at you, yawning as he moves on, âHow was your presentation?âÂ
Your smile falters for a second as your stare turns questioning, chewing on your lips as it turns into something sweeter, something smitten because heâs asking about the presentation you had mentioned once in passing the last weekend you had hung out, stressing over your slides and sources, and trying to seem nonchalant as you finger traces little patterns on the floor.Â
âIt was good,â you tell him, trying not to seem too prideful as you murmur, âMy professor said it was exactly what he was looking for.âÂ
His face shifts, no longer annoyed as you try not to appear bashful, but his teeth shine as his rosy cheeks pull upwards as he gives you one of those smiles that makes you feel warm and happy and giddy.Â
âYeah?â He asks, shifting a little bit as he waved his teasingness off, rolling your eyes as you groan, nodding exaggeratedly as you go back to organizing your highlighters and pens, but he seems intent on pushing this: âDidnât you say it was the hardest assignment of the class?â
You look up at him from above your lashes, trying not to smile again as you shrug indifferently, done with arranging your stationery based on colors as your knees knock together, throwing a pillow his way that he effortlessly catches.
âI mean, everyone told me that it was really, really hard, so-â But youâre cut off by the door swinging open, and the two of you crane your necks around to see Shoko and Suguru arguing over something irrelevant, food nestled in their hands as they close the door behind them with a slam.Â
They start telling you two about the delivery fee and the outrageousness that one of the containers had tipped over, but youâre still busy thinking about how Satoru remembered something so trivial, giving them quiet hums as they spread out the food on the small coffee table, and trying to act normal.Â
Like you have for the past two years.
â
The week passed as it usually does, with papers, readings, and assignments that needed to be completed at an unmanageable rate.Â
You had expected the usual and mundane things, and for the most part, thatâs what came your way. Nights spent in each other's rooms as you finish up your work, spliced with moments where you would all talk, days filled with going to lectures and walking around campus till you found a quiet study spot. Things that you could predict and plan for.Â
For the most part.
Another thing that your little group would occasionally do was meet up at the end of the week at one of the pubs around campus, most of them serving mediocre food and somewhat better drinks, and offer you all a time to reconvene after a usually stressful couple of days.Â
The pub was small and quaint, but you enjoyed the warmth and laughter that muddled together to make the ambiance somewhat private. Either Suguru or Shoko would arrive there early and try to secure the usual spot at the booth near the end of the establishment, seeing that either of them didnât have classes on Fridays, while the other three would meet up outside of Satoruâs biophysical chemistry class and walk there together.  Â
Which is why you found yourself back on that Friday, sitting next to Shoko, settling into your seat as she clambered in after you. Suguru almost pushes Satoru in, impatient to sit down and get back to talking, and you watch as the white-haired man sits in front of you, his hands clasped together as he stares at the wood-grain of the table.Â
âHow were classes?â Shoko finally asks, looking between you and Satoru as she takes a sip from her drink.Â
You sigh, shrugging as your fingers play with the bottom of your cup, the condensation slipping down as you rub at your tired eyes.Â
âFine, I guess,â you say, drinking some water as you wipe at the corner of your lips, âMy professor couldâve ended the class, like, twenty minutes earlier than he did.âÂ
She nods solemnly, patting your thigh in solidarity as she passes the bowl of crisps towards you, nudging you to take one to help settle your stomach after having back-to-back classes, knowing how hangry it made you. Â
âIs this the professor who needs you to see a classical play?â Suguru asked, taking some of the snack as his arms crossed on top of the table, leaning in slightly as you licked some of the salt from your lips, nodding.Â
âYeah,â you heave another sigh, elbowing Shoko as you continue, âWhich is why Iâm seeing Beggarâs Opera next week. I mean, the theatre program did a couple of Shakespeare ones earlier this semester, butâŚugh, I just canât watch another performance of Romeo and Juliet.â You murmur with a groan, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as Suguru hums in agreement.Â
âYou donât like Shakespeare?â
Your eyes shift over to the man in front of you who asked the question.Â
Your brows furrow slightly in the middle, lips pulling into a small pout as you shake your head, playing with the ring of water your drink had left as you itch your nose, trying not to focus too hard on the pretty pink color on Gojoâs cheeks because of the slightly toasty feel of the room.Â
âI do,â you say slugishly, âItâs just that when the only work of his that tends to be popular isnât The Tempest, I get a little annoyed.âÂ
Suguru snorts, shaking his head as his fingers wag at you.Â
âThatâs not even nearly his best stuff,â he argues, and you roll your eyes, your head tilting badly in annoyance after knowing what this was going to lead to, âI canât believe you still think that it outweighs Richard II.âÂ
Satoru and Shokoâs eyes bounce between you and your ink-haired friend.Â
âIâd rather die on the hill of petty magic versus royal family drama,â You quip back, your brow slightly raised.Â
Suguru huffed, shaking his head in dismay as he lightly shoved your foot underneath the table, a small smile on both your faces.Â
âIs Tempest the one with the shipwreck?â Gojo asks, his head tilting slightly as his glasses lean on his nose bridge. You nod, grinning at the fact that someone in the group was able to identify such a classic piece of literary work.Â
You open your mouth to agree, but Suguru beats you to it.Â
âHow do you know that?â He glances sideways at his friend, his brow raised in slight shock as Shoko snorts.Â
Gojo shrugs, his elbows resting on the table as the fabric of his sweater tightens around his arms, making him look delectable and otherworldly. You have to tear your eyes away from it before it becomes too noticeable.Â
âWe went to the same secondary school,â Gojo argues, saying it as if it were the most obvious explanation in the world, âI paid attentionâŚclearly more than others,â he adds under his breath, causing you to drop your hand to your mouth to hide the satisfied grin from when Suguru deflated in slight embarrassment.Â
âOh, speaking of blast from the past,â Shoko shuffles, looking at her phone screen as if suddenly remembering something, âViâs coming back for break.âÂ
You watch as Gojo and Suguru stop their silent bickering by messing with each other's stuff as they look up to Shoko. Suguruâs thin brow shoots upwards, his mouth turning into a surprised line as Gojo stares blankly, an unreadable expression on his face as you poke Shokoâs thigh, shaking your head in confusion.Â
âWho?â You murmur, your eyes squinting as Shoko looks at you, her mouth slightly dropping as she also remembers that you didnât grow up with them.Â
âVivienne March,â Suguru explains, beating someone once again to explain something because he could never hold onto a piece of information for longer than three seconds if he knows that somebody in his vicinity doesnât know it, âShe went to school with us for, what? Five, six years?â He looks between Gojo and Shoko, and they both nod, Shoko unlocking her phone as she goes to pull up the girl's instagram to show you what she looks like, âSheâs his ex,â he murmurs as if secretly, pointing at his friend next to him as you feel something in your gut shift, but he clearly doesnât tell because he leaves that point entirely.Â
âBut I thought she preferred to stay in America till her spring semester was over?â He asks, confused, waiting for you to be done looking, as he waits for Shoko to explain it.Â
You take her phone gingerly, looking at the girl's account as you carefully click through her posts. Youâre greeted with an aesthetic array of photos, some of her friends, some of her cat, and pretty pictures of old brick buildings and fall trees. But your eyebrows slowly move up your face when you see her.Â
Your thumb swipes through each post as you see her stunning hair framing her face in freshly done curls, her eyes striking and delicate as she wanders around a bookstore. Her outfits are always perfectly curated, and her makeup delicately done to accentuate her already natural beauty in a way that makes a part of you, something you tried to bury and starve, twist with envy at the effortlessness of her perfection.Â
âGuess she had a change of heart this year,â Shoko says, taking her phone back from your outstretched hand, turning it off as she placed it face down on the table, âShe texted me this morning saying that she was âgonna be here for December and some of January and that she wanted to catch up.âÂ
âYou would like her,â Suguru directs his attention back at you, his words matching the genuine smile on his face, âSheâs super bright and bubbly. And sheâs so funny. Oh, and she's, like, insanely smart. She graduated from Cambridge when she was nineteen, and sheâs doing grad school at Harvard.âÂ
âHmm, yeah,â Shoko hums, âI mean, she almost came here if she didnât get the call from Harvard,â she nudges you with her shoulder, âBut I donât know how much he,â she points her eyes to Satoru, watching the way his mouth slightly parts at being called out, âWouldâve appreciated that, though.âÂ
He scoffs, his tongue poking at his cheek as he leans in slightly, his arms crossing the table as Suguru snickers.Â
âI have no issue with Vivienne,â he argues, his brows pulling into a cute little frown, âShe was justâŚâ
âWhat?â Suguru juts in, Shoko scoffing a laugh next to you as Gojo only peers at him from the side of his eyes, âMadly in love with you? Was going to pick Oxford to be with you? And you wereâŚwhat, days away from breaking up with her when she came sobbing to us that you have the emotional intelligence of a rock?â
Your eyes widen slightly, looking over at Shoko for confirmation, one she returns with a faint grin. Despite the sunken feeling in your heart, one that you often get whenever you are reminded of the fact that, unfortunately, literally everyone is also in love with Gojo Satoru, you have to control your face not to giggle at the statement.Â
Gojo makes a noise deep in his throat, the tips of his ears slightly pink from the added attention.Â
You swallow as you try to grapple with all this information. But, as always, the conversation moves on and you push everything back as you find yourself smiling once again, listening to how Suguru animatedly tells the story of how he bombed one of his essays because he forgot which citation format to use, and you try to not make it obvious how youâd peek over at Shoko now and then and see who it was that she was stalking, probably some girl from her class that she was plotting on.Â
The music lolls on in the background, the pub getting more packed with students and tired workers, and you find yourself content with listening to your friends tell you about their week, taking small sips from your straw as you grin and laugh as poke Shokoâs thigh whenever a cute guy, devastatingly never as cute as Gojo, walks by the table, and she, gripping your knee whenever a girl her type flashes her a look from over their shoulders.Â
âI think Iâm wanted somewhere else at the moment,â she whispers, leaning closer to your ear as you follow her line of sight to a girl sitting at the bar, her long blonde hair thrown over her shoulder as she steals the occasional glance at your friend, âIâll be back.âÂ
You giggle, pushing at her to go as she swats your hand away playfully, sending you a wink as you send one back, watching her go as Suguru and Gojo watch silently, sending each other knowing looks before Shoko disappears behind the other booths.Â
âWell, if sheâs going, might as well take this time to piss,â Suguru states, putting his hands on the wood as he hoists himself up, sending a cheeky little smile as he imitates Shokoâs sashay, âDonât wait up.âÂ
You roll your eyes, trying not to watch him leave as if to draw out the silence that will inevitably follow, seeing that itâs just you and Gojo remaining. Your fingers play with your empty glass as you glance back to him, sending him a small smile as you feel chagrin already seeping into your veins.
He clears his throat, his eyes darting from your face to your arms, his tongue poking his cheek as he swallows. You wonder how much heâs dreading the awkward silence that has the possibility of ensuing.
âWater?âÂ
Your eyes squint at the sudden question, looking down to the long finger he has pointed at your glass, and you look back up at him, wondering if he was stating the obvious or if your feelings for him had made you delirious and unable to compute anything that comes out of his mouth.Â
âDo you want some more water?â He explains, and you feel your cheeks heat again at your blunder, âIâm going up there to get a refill anyway.â
You nod gratefully, swallowing your feelings down as you glance up at him, handing him your empty glass with ice sloshing around as your smile wobbles.Â
âIâd appreciate it, thank you,â your voice dips slightly as you grin stupidly the longer you look at his long lashes and his pink lips, somewhat glad that he was getting away so you could less opportunities to screw up, and you watch as his beautifully large hand wraps around the glass like it was nothing, sending you a small nod as he crouches slightly so that the overhanging light wouldnât hit his head on the way out.Â
Leaving you alone, you pull out your phone, also thankful to have a little moment to yourself as you quickly try to catch up on the notifications you had gotten in the past couple of hours, as the noise around you mixes, adding a comforting ambience as you lean against the old walls, your head leaning against your fist.Â
You were so engrossed in your own little bubble that you didnât notice the figure hovering near the other end of the table, only noticing the man when you looked to the side, thinking that either Suguru or Gojo was back, only for your eyes to widen in shock and surprise to be greeted with an unfamiliar face.Â
Letting out a small noise, adjacent to an audible gulp, you sit up straighter, looking bashfully at him as you turn your phone off, taking in his slender frame and the rectangular-framed glasses that sit wonkily on his nose as he fidgets nervously with the hem of his lumpy sweater. Ironically, having everything that Gojo has but wearing it so drastically differently that you have to snap yourself out of the comparison.Â
The boy's hair is slightly parted, light blonde, and his eyes framed with what seemed like brown lashes. His cheeks are dusted with light freckles, and his smile is lopsided as he scratches the back of his neck.Â
Cute in a schoolish way, you think.
âH-hi,â his voice is high, squeaking and wobbly as he leans on the booth, not knowing what to do with his arms as he uses the back of his hand to push his glasses upwards, âHi, I justâŚâÂ
Your head tilts slightly, curiosity filling your eyes as you give him a gentle smile, waiting patiently for him to find his words.Â
âIâm Kento,â he stammers after a second, scratching behind his ears as a red flush settles over his high cheeks, âIâm sitting over there,â he points to a table behind him, and your neck cranes to see a group of boys his age all staring at his back, âAnd I just thought-âÂ
He opens his mouth to say something else, but pauses, his gaze drifting to something, or rather someone, coming his way, and youâre too focused on the way sweat dots at his hairline or the way he fidgets with the hem of his sweater to even notice the full glass of water sliding in front of you from the other side of the booth.Â
Your back straightens as your head whips to the side, eyes widening when you realize that Satoru had returned, his one drink nestled in his hand as his stare bounces between you and, who you evidently had just discovered, Kento.Â
Blue eyes flicker over your face, a moment's decision faltering in his mind as he slithers into not his original seat in front of you, but next to you, his large frame taking up half of your side of the both as your brows furrow in confusion, lips pulling into a tote as your eyes squint at the way he hunkers in like it was normal.Â
Is he okay? You try not to have your heart burst out of your chest and flip flop around on the table like a fish out of water at being in such proximity to Satoru, but you donât even have time to think about that as the rest of your mind falters, trying to make sense of this behavior.Â
One of his beefy arms unravels from his side as it stretches above your head, resting atop the cushioned seats as he sighs deeply through his nose, taking a sip of his drink as if he hadnât interrupted anything, and his chin turns over to the boy, waiting.Â
Kento stammers, even worse than before, as he pushes back his spiky hair with a hand, looking between you and Satoru as you blink slowly, not really knowing what to do, awkwardly lingering in your seat as you wonder if anybodyâs going to talk.
âEverything alright?â Satoru asks finally, his voice slightly lower than usual, somewhat taunting but hard to tell, seeing that his face was blank, thick as it almost bounces off Kentoâs skull, his cheeks turning into a bright pink as you lets out a small exhale of air, something resembling a shocked laugh at the strange and sudden shift in his behavior.Â
âI, uh, I,â Kentoâs voice wobbles as he seizes up Satoruâs size and his overall presence, a strange look of shock and even awe as you gnaw on the inside of your cheek, not fully knowing what was going on as Kentoâs head dips in embarrassment, âIâm sorryâŚI didnât know, uh, that you, you wereâŚyeahâŚsorryâŚâ
His arm raises in a small wave, quickly turning on his heels, the back of his neck almost red as you blink rapidly, letting out a small huff of air as your neck almost snaps towards the man next to you, stammering as you try to find your words.Â
Satoru looks at you, taking another sip.Â
âWhat?âÂ
You scoff, eyes nearly bulging out of your head as you stumble over a slew of words.Â
âWhat? W-what do you mean what?â You let out a bewildered laugh, looking across the pub at the boy and his group of friends that almost seem to be comforting him, their hands on his shoulders as he profusely shakes his head, âWhat the hell was that for?â
His white brows pinch in the middle, as if he doesn't understand your startlement, as if you were the one being crazy.
But you werenât being crazy. Not in the slightest.Â
You brushed it off the first time Satoru scared off a guy who was talking to you. You thought it was strange, sure, how in the middle of your lively conversation of John Milton and Paradise Lost that he wandered from the other side of the room, suddenly attached to your side, his height towering over the other guy as he quieted down and scurried away. You just chalked it up to him being bored, despite how annoyed you were.Â
The second time, a guy was seconds away from putting his phone in your number when Satoruâs voice rang in your ears, and you watched, horrified, as he peered down at the guy's cracked phone screen, scoffing at the fact that he was listening to some stupid band he disapproved of.Â
Then there was the time when you were at this same pub, getting some drinks for Shoko, waiting at the counter, flirting with the guy next to you when Satoru found his way back to you, as if pulled by a magnet, and asked the guy if he always chose to talk to girls he didnât know with a fresh hickey on his neck. (That one you werenât mad at, more so embarrassed).
But itâs happened countless times. At the pub, at gatherings, at galas heâs invited you to as his plus one because he said nobody else could make it, at the library when he came a little too early and a guy from your class was sitting next to you, at the cafe, and at the small party he threw last year.
And if you werenât so in love with him, youâd be madder than you were. You knew he was just being a protective and caring friend, not wanting you to get hurt, but you knew youâd have to start moving on from this debilitating crush, and he wasnât making it any easier.
âI just asked him if everything was alright,â he explained, his tone bordering on bored as he pulls out his phone, checking the time as he angles his body slightly to look at you better, and you're somewhat aware of the fact that his arm is still somewhere above your head, âHeâs the one that scurried away.âÂ
Your mouth drops open, your palms jamming into your eye sockets as your head hits the table, banging it a couple times as you try to pull away from him, slightly angered, slightly, and very, ever so slightly, internally flustered at something you definitely should be flustered over.
âYouâŚyou scared him away!â Your voice is muffled as you groan, not caring much as you shoot him an angry and bitter look.
Satoruâs lashes flutter slightly, his pink lips pulling into a confused line as you shove his knee with your own, realizing that you were, in fact, not joking and were seriously considering the idea of giving that blubbering mess a chance.
âAre you - are you serious?â His thumb jabs in the general direction of where he had gone, âHim?â
You roll your eyes, chest heaving with a sigh as your forehead continues to rest on the cool tabletop, the tip of your nose rubbing against the varnish as you groan.
Deep down, you know that this crush of yours is fruitless and useless. Itâs never going to get anywhere, and the only thing it can offer you is more hurt and rejection. You know that you are so far from his type and out of your league that heâd never see you as more than a friend, if that, but you continued to have it because it lit a fire inside of you that you sadistically enjoyed.Â
That being said, you would prefer, at some point, to have a romantic moment, even if fleeting, and having the man youâve been in love with for two years chase away the only guy whoâs had the balls to come up to you made you irrationally annoyed for some reason that you didnât fully understand.Â
âHeâŚhe seemed nice,â you argue, your eyes closing shut as your hand shifts, and you rest your cheek on the back of it, your back bent at an angle as you look up at him from your position on the table, âAnd he was cute-âÂ
Gojo cuts you off with a startled laugh, a disbelieving one as his eyebrows shoot upwards, showing more than the five emotions you usually see him with as genuine shock laces his features, and it only spurs on that angry fire inside of you as you press.Â
âWhat? What? He was cute!â Your head lifts quickly from its spot on the table as your body shifts to look at him even better than before, trying not to notice the cute wrinkle of his nose or the frosty irises of his eyes that are looking so intently at you that it could knock the air out of your lungs if you stare long enough, âAnd IâŚI donât know, I think he wanted to talk to me!âÂ
Gojo snorts, his arm tightening around the cushion behind you, his hand dangling off the end, his fingers dangerously close to the side of your ear as you swallow thickly.Â
âWell, of course, he wanted to talk to you,â his other hand pushes his glasses upwards, the veins on the back of his hand evident, â I just canât believe that heâs someone youâd want to entertain.â
You stutter, hurt flashing across your face as it pulls into sour bewilderment.
Youâve barely talked to Satoru for more than a couple of minutes at a time about classes or projects or annoying classmates, and you canât believe your luck that the first conversation between the two of you that stemmed outside of those points is about this.
âWhat, whatâs that supposed to mean?â Your voice dips slightly, embarrassed, as his own expression slightly shifts at your tone.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly not expecting this to blow up in his face as it did, and he sighs, retreating to his old, composed self as he explains himself.Â
âLook, I have him in a couple of my classes,â he starts again, lips pulling into a thin line as he looks over his shoulder to Kento and then glances back to you, âHe shows up late and never does his work and always asks to most ridiculous questions,â Satoru adds and you try not to have your lips quirk at the sudden revelation, not wanting to give in and let your foolish feeling stake the wheel and guide you to forgiving him, but itâs not use as he continues, âI just figured thatâŚsomeone like that isnât someone good for you. Even if he did just want to talk.âÂ
Your mouth dries up, and you try not to let your head burst and remind yourself that heâs thinking about this from a friend's perspective, something kind and caring and companionly, but not in the way you would want from your crush, but Satoru is still waiting on your response so instead you swallow everything down and your lips tote, avoiding eye contact as you attempt to seem indifferent despite your outburst.Â
âHow ridiculous are his questions?â You finally ask, peeking over at him from where your gaze had been training on the ice in your water, and you swear you see a flicker of surprise take over his gorgeous features, as though you were going crazy with the way his blankness faded momentarily and gave way to a little smile.Â
He sighs, this time lighter, his hand behind you shifting ever so slightly to push at the back of your head, gingerly but in a teasing way as you try not to smile a giddy smile, one that doesnât reflect the fact that you couldnât really care about the guy who had come up to talk to you when Satoru cared enough because he didnât think he was good enough for you to talk to.Â
âEven more ridiculous than asking if adding ice to rice would help it steam up more than if you used water,â he says, picking up his drink as he nurses it over his mouth, fighting back a smug grin at the way you sputter, pushing him roughly as your cheeks heat up again for bringing up one of your late-night queries.Â
âFine, fine, fine, Iâll give you this one!â You rub at your eyes, shoulders hunched, âBut you have to stop scaring off every single guy that tries to talk to me! He could be a normal guy whoâs going to come up, and youâre going to disapprove of him just because he wears mismatched socks or only writes in pen!âÂ
Satoru snorted indifferently, proving your point that he didnât seem to care.Â
âWriting solely in pen is psychotic behavior,â he grumbled to himself, recalling the time one of his classmates had the gall to ask you for your number before he quickly shut it down, inserting himself in the middle of the conversation until the guy gave up and left.Â
You groan, head dropping back onto the table as you tap it lightly, a quiet thud reverberating in your tiny corner of the room.Â
âOne of these days youâre going to have to come to terms with the fact that the reason you shut people down is different from the reasons I shut people down.â You say, moving your arms upward so that you could set your cheek on it, looking at the empty seats in front of you instead of the man youâve had a crush on, sputters.Â
âWhat do you mean?â His voice drops a little bit, and you angle your head to look up at him, brows pinching in the middle as you let out a little laugh, something sardonic as you shake your head to yourself.Â
âYouâŚâ you pause, stopping, sighing to yourself as you try to control your words before you say something youâll regret, âYou have likeâŚperfect people coming up to you. And if you choose to reject them, thatâs up to you, I get it. But last week you turned a girl down because she said that Star Wars was a waste of money,â the two of you share small laugh because you can recall just how red he got, embarrassed but peeved when somebody just offended his entire lifeline, but you continue, âItâŚitâs just,â you press your lips together as something in your chest clenched, âI donât really have that luxury. I donât have perfect guys coming up to me with little quirks, you know? Thereâs always something wrong with them, even if I donât see it then. Like they donât show up to dates or they make fun of my major, or justâŚonly want to sleep with me, and then when they find out I donât want that, they leave. And any of the sane ones that have small issues, youâre always there to shoot them down!âÂ
You stop, taking in a deep breath as you try to regulate your emotions, refusing to look at him right now as you let some pent-up feelings loose, just grateful that he hasnât left and decided to let you figure this out on your own.Â
âLook,â you glance at him, giving him a small smile, âIâm thankful that you care. Really, I am. ButâŚbut I just want to experience somethingâŚwith someone, yâknow? At least once when Iâm still in university. Iâm almost twenty-one, and I havenât even had my first kiss!â Despite how embarrassing it is, it slips out, and your chees heat up as you hurry on with your ramble, âAnd if it has to be with something who asks stupid questions or says my name wrong on the first attempt or doesnât know what my favorite color is, I guess Iâm just gonna have to bite the bullet and take that risk. I,â you look away, back to focusing on the leather cushions in front of you as you gnaw on your lip, âI donât really have any other option.â
Giving it a moment, you let your shoulders sink, going back to playing with the straw wrapper in front of you as you debate whether it would be better to just throw yourself out the window or risk saying something else that youâd stay awake the next couple of nights pinching yourself over.
You heard him inhale exaggeratingly, the arm behind you moving a little downwards in order to hook one of his fingers around the collar of your sweater, trying to grab your attention. You tilt your chin sideways, lips pursed, and attempt not to let his overwhelming presences budge how bitter you were feeling for some reason.Â
âI think,â he sighed again, gnawing on his bottom lip as he tried to formulate his thoughts, the overhead lamp casting a soft orange light over his face and it made your pitiful stomach churn with desperate want, âI think that if youâre too pessimistic.âÂ
That getâs a dry laugh from you, and you roll your eyes at his statement. Before heâs able to say anything, he gets interrupted by Suguru rounding the corner, sliding into his seat with a wide grin, one that falls when he sees his friend has changed the seating arrangement.Â
âWhyâd you move?âÂ
Satoru paused, tearing his eyes away from the side of your face as he glanced at his friend, his fingers moving upwards as you tried not to look at him and make anything obvious. You hope he doesnât bring up Kento and your little meltdown, but he seems to read your mind.Â
âYou were bothering me too much,â he mutters, and Suguru lets out a startled scoff, throwing the hair tie around his wrist at him as Sator just flings it to the side. Suguru doesnât push, though, and starts telling the two of you that he was held up at the bathroom entrances because a couple was having a âlover's spatâ, his words not yours, and he just had to hear it before he left.
The rest of the night continued as it usually does.Â
If you could consider the uneven rhythm of your heart as normal.Â
â
Another week had passed, another seven days of agonizingly slow school work and duties.Â
It seemed like the days would flicker away at a snail-like pace until it got you to the one day of the week that you actually wished wouldnât arrive, and would force you to stalk around the limited space of your dorm room as you think about what to wear to the theatre production thatâs taking place in thirty minutes.Â
Your hand was on your hip, feet tapping against the floor as you looked at the two outfits you had hung on your dresser, lips pursed as your eyes moved back and forth between the one that would go better with those pair of kitten heels you thrifted with Shoko, or the dres that you rarely get to wear.Â
It took a couple more seconds of deciding, but you ultimately picked the more comfortable option, knowing that the university theater was always freezing, especially in October, and that a cute sweater was probably the better choice.
Thankfully, this gave you some more time to fix your hair and touch up your makeup, humming along to the music as your eye kept wandering down to your phone and then to your door, squinting as you turned it over, confused as to what was taking Shoko so long.Â
Instantly, your eyes widen at the plethora of messages you have from Shoko, a telltale sign that something was seriously wrong, given the fact that she never sent more than two messages at once.Â
shoko: pick up
shoko: girl ur literally always on ur phone wya
shoko: pls pls pls pick upÂ
shoko: ur making me beg rn pls can u call me backÂ
shoko: plsÂ
You donât have time to send her one of your stupid stickers, your fingers fumbling around as you look at the five missed calls you have from her, shaking your head in dismay at how it was possible to leave your phone alone for twenty minutes and come back to this.Â
It doesnât take more than a ring before she answers on the other line.Â
âAre you okay?â Your voice cuts through immediately, rushed and worried, your legs bouncing as you hear some people talking in the background, and you can hear the way Shoko snaps at them to hush so that she can hear you better.Â
âHi, yeah, no, no Iâm fine - hey can you guys just,â she calls out again, hey annoyance dripping form her tone, some shuffling happening over the line as she moves somewhere where the noise is less, âHey, hi, sorry for the noise,â she starts again and you just hum, eyebrows still pinches together in worry as you wait for her to continue, âIâm really sorry for spamming you, but I have some news.âÂ
The worry on your face melts as you lean back in your seat.Â
âYeahâŚ?â you ask, but already predicting what it was that she was stressing out over telling you, but she lets out another exhale, and you could imagine her nodding wherever it was that she was at.Â
âIâm so sorry but Iâm at work right now and,â some clattering happens in the background, the kitchen in great hustle for the Saturday evening rush it usually has at the restaurant she waitresses for, âGod, Tommy just screwed everything up with our shifts and I thought he had written me as off for tonight but he wrote me as off for next Saturday and I wasnât able to fine somebody to-âÂ
You laugh softly, cutting off her rambling.Â
ââKo, babe, itâs fine, donât worry about it,â you stress, leaning in slightly as you hear some silverware being unloaded, âItâs so okay, your job is so much more important than-âÂ
âNo, youâre more important than this - believe me,â she cuts you off this time, and you can see her standing hunched in the corner, gnawing on her fingernails in stress, âAnd I promised you Iâd come with you and I canât, and now IâŚI feel horrible.âÂ
A smile creeps onto your lips, and you shake your head.Â
âItâs fine,â you stress, chuckling at her incoherent rambles, âI promise. The playâs going to be lengthy anyway, might as well take the time to make some money while youâre at it.âÂ
You hear nothing except the kitchen roaring in the background for a few seconds before she sighs, clicking her tongue as she hums softly.Â
âYou sure?âÂ
âIâm sure,â you tell her, hearing her chuckle softly over the phone, the disappointment evident in her voice, and you didnât want to push her over the edge despite the small flicker of disappointment of having to go alone, âI promise youâre not gonna be missing anything.âÂ
âLook, I know itâs not the same, but I was with Suguru when I found out, and heâs said that he could-âÂ
This time, sheâs cut off, but not by you.Â
A knock sounds over your door.Â
You sigh, smiling at your friend as you slowly rise, âYou guys are so sweet, but you shouldâve told him Iâd be fine. Really, I usually do these things by myself anyway.âÂ
She groans at your antics, somebody calling her name from the back as she tells them that sheâs almost done.Â
âShit, I have to go, but promise me youâll tell me about how tonight goes, yeah?â She sounds hurried, and you make a few steps towards your door as you snort, rolling your eyes as you unlock the brass knob, shaking your head at the thought.Â
âTell you about what? Oh, like how Suguru has a horrific attention span and canâtâŚâ You swing the door wide open, but you trail off as your mouth hangs slightly, not greeted by your black-haired and eyebrow-pierced friend,Â
But Satoru.Â
Shoko seems to have picked up on your silence as meaning that you finally understood what she was talking about, and you can barely register her sing-songy bye as she leaves, the phone in your hand lying limp as Satoruâs brow raises skeptically at your dumbfounded expression.
Damn you, Shoko Ieiri.Â
âHi,â you say breathlessly, almost stupidly, as your hand falls from behind the door to your side, tilting your head a bit as Satoru just stares, hands in his pockets, and you shake back to reality, laughing apologetically as your neck prickles, âSorry, IâŚI was just expecting someone else.â
His brow arches even more, and you huff out a laugh.Â
âShoko just said that Suguru was coming,â you explain, stepping back from the entranceway as his mouth parts slightly.Â
âRight,â he nods, his hair falling gracefully in his face as you churn in your spit at the magnificent sight of him in his denim jeans and the navy sweater he was in, âI hope itâs okay that I came. Suguru couldnât make it.â
You blink, wanting to say that you were so okay with him, but you swallow that done as you shake your head, waving his statement away.Â
âThis isâŚthis is fine,â You stammer to say, your smile wobbly. You hope that he canât pick up on the way that your eyes are roaming over the way his button-up sits comfortably on his broad chest, or the way his glasses look on the bridge of his nose, âI, uh, I just have to do my mascara, so give me like,â you look at the clock behind you. Your eyes bulge at the fact that you have only five minutes left, âTwo seconds and Iâll be done.â
He nods, his head tilting slightly to the side as he looks at your face and his eyes travel down your outfit. His hand raises, a finger pointed at your sweater.Â
âNice sweater,â he says, something teetering on teasing, and you look down, suddenly realizing that itâs the sweater he had given you last year for your birthday, the one that you had seen months prior after walking past a vintage store and exclaimed how much you liked it, only to be stumped by the price.Â
Your confusion melts into a wide smile, your head still poking out from outside your door as you survey the material, not noticing the way his eyes soften just a smidge at your flighty reaction.Â
âOh - right, thank you again for getting it!â You say cheerfully, an entire evening or perfection and romance already forming in your head as you try not to appear too excited, pointing back to your room as you duck away, âIâll, uh, Iâll be back, then!â
Satoru nods, giving you a small smile as you shut the door behind you, your back hitting it as you give yourself a moment to reciprocate, curse Shoko and her blasted antics, and calm your heartbeat down long enough.Â
This was so fine, you tried to tell yourself,Â
Everything was going to be fine.Â
â-
The lobby of the Oxford theater was unusually packed, and you even voiced your surprise when Satoru led you in, your eyes wide as you took in all the students, some looking at the programs, others waiting in line for the bathroom.Â
âDamn,â you mutter, squeezing past someone as Satoru follows behind you, âI didnât think it was going to be this busy.âÂ
The walk here had beenâŚfine. You had talked for most of it, which you had predicted, and with the few times Satoru would interject and give some comments on the stories you told him about your week, you feel like you told five times that amount of embarrassing and lame jokes, shutting yourself up once after wincing at how terrible it was. Satoru cracked a small smile, though, a pitiful one, most likely to keep you from shutting up the entire night.Â
Itâs strange, just how different you act around him. In attempts to make yourself seem cooler and interesting, you wind up embarrassing yourself even more. You could have sworn that you never acted like this with Shoko or Suguru, or literally anybody else, even your old crushes, but when it came to Satoru, you seemed to lose the sense of normalcy you had come to know.Â
But you donât have time to worry about that, now trying to put your attention on wondering how many of the students here are from that stupid class youâre taking right now, and even looking in the sea of bodies confirms that answer when you see some familiar faces. The concession stand in the corner, the one run by the theater department to raise some extra funds, seems to be swarmed, and your stomach grumbles instantly at the smell of buttered popcorn that wafts through the air.Â
âWhereâre our seats?â Heâs standing by you now, and you have to crane your neck slightly to look at him. You sift through your tote, pulling out your wallet and opening it to reveal the tickets tucked inside, and hand one to him while keeping the other for yourself.Â
âRow H,â you read out loud, âYouâre seat 18, and Iâm 19.âÂ
He nods, pocketing it before he looks back out into the lobby, his eyes focusing on the wide double doors that led you into the theater, watching the ticket taker check the peopleâs tickets before looking back at the concessions, remembering how much you were raving on your walk here about how good the snacks were.Â
âDo you still want someâŚ?â He juts his chin towards the hand-made sign that reads Beggars Snacks!Â
âHm?â You look back at the table, and you let out a small laugh, âOh, yeah, right,â you look through your wallet again, putting your ticket there for safekeeping as you glance back up at his gorgeous face, âYeah, Iâll be back. You can go find your seat, if you want.âÂ
Satoru opens his mouth and then shuts it, glancing at you and then the doors, and his shoulder straightens slightly.Â
âRight, wellâŚ.right,â he murmurs, looking a little torn, his voice drowning out by the roar of sound around you two, but youâre able to make out the low grumble of his after being near him for so long, âIâllâŚIâll see you in a few.âÂ
You smile again, giving him two thumbs up as you turn on your heel, your hands clenching in frustration at how utterly inhuman you seem to act around him, somehow making it seem like it was your first day on this planet.Â
Peeking over your shoulder, you watch as he leaves towards the entrance of the theater, and you duck your head down as you find your way to the large line leading up to the snacks. Coming here for the past four years has taught you to go for the popcorn, pass on the homemade cookies, and snatch up the little boxes of candy if they have them.Â
Checking your phone as you wait idly, you text Shoko a slew of messages cursing her and her entire bloodline for blindsiding you like this, hoping she sees them after her grueling shift and only feels worse about leaving you like this.Â
Keep a tab of the line as it slowly moves, you eye the clock, knowing that the show was going to start soon. It seems to dwindle a bit, as some people in front of you and behind you give and leave, deciding it wasnât worth it, and after scrolling through your feed a little bit more, you find yourself next in line.Â
Glancing through the snacks, your stomach protests louder, ravenous after a day fueled on granola bars, a pathetic excuse of a yogurt bowl, and some crisps you had lying around, until you feel your hopes and dreams plummet when you see a small sign at the edge of the table that says only cash.Â
Fucking bullshit, you think angrily, whipping your wallet out again as you rifle through the confines, who still uses only cash? What medieval system was this? They accepted cards last time, this is entirely-
And you could complain petulantly in your head as much as you want, but your face falls as you search through for the third time, coming to the consensus that you didnât have a lick of cash on you. The person in front of you is almost done, but your shoulders sag as you begrudgingly step away, shaking your head in dismay as you make your way to the theater entrance, flashing your ticket to the ticket taker as he lets you in with a wide smile.Â
The ushers point you towards aisle H, and you patiently dispute the hate still inside of you, burning. Waiting as those in front of you find their seats, and it doesnât take long before youâre able to see a pop of hair standing high amongst the rest of the people in the audience.Â
You move past a couple of people talking as you move closer, almost skidding when you stop instantly, realizing that Satoru was, in fact, not alone.Â
From this angle, you could see the girl standing in front of him, a wide grin on her face as she laughs at something he says. Your eyes go to his face, your posture falling even more when you see the little quirk of his lips, a sign that he wasnât necessarily hating the conversation, and the loss of the popcorn feels pointless now as your stomach churns for another reason.Â
It was selfish to think that you were the only person who liked Satoru, but it didnât hurt any less when you were confronted with this fact at least once a week. You knew you couldnât expect anything from this stupid crush, a theorem forming inside your head that you continued to fall for Gojo Satoru just because you liked the sting of knowing you had no shot with him, and seeing other girls and their gleeful smiles at the fact that you probably had a chance is what maybe hurt the most.Â
You werenât ever angry at these girls, understanding them completely, even admiring the way they could flirt so effortlessly, and treated you kindly whenever you were near, but it singed a part inside of you that liked to act that you were in this small fictional bubble that you dreamt of whenever he looked your way.Â
Like he was right now.Â
Standing awkwardly to the side, at the end of the row, you sway idly in your spot, looking at the two of them and then around, wondering when the lights were going to start dimming and notify you of when the show was about to start.Â
You hear your name being called, a familiar cluster of syllables from his throat, and you look away from the painting on the wall to the side as you see Satoru throwing up a hand, trying to grab your attention.Â
When he sees you finally looking his way, he turns back to the girl, saying a few more words as she nods, her smile still soft as she glances at you, a strange look on her face as she sends you another smile, and you canât help but return it despite the sinking feeling in your gut.Â
She leaves through the other end, and you mutter a few apologies as you finally make your way down to where he was standing, ducking your head down sheepishly as you fidget with the strap of your tote.Â
âHey,â you say meekly, your cheeks heating as you finally get to him, âI didnât mean to interrupt anything.âÂ
One of his hands waved, shaking his head as he looked back to where the girl had retreated with her friends.Â
âYou werenât interrupting,â he tells you, and your brows furrow slightly because that was a white lie if youâve ver heard one, âI knew her from my lab,â he he says, scratching the back of his neck as his eyes trace of your face, falling to your empty arms as they squint, the conversation with the girl suddenly feeling his head as he points, âWhereâs your popcorn?â
The past couple of moments seem to flee too as you wring your hands awkwardly together, shooting him a tight smile as you try to appear indifferent.Â
âOh, they didnât take card,â you mumble bitterly, âAnd I forgot my wads of cash back in my dorm, so,â you shrug, laughing it off as you point to the seats, âBut itâs fine, IâŚerm, wasnât really feeling it anyway,â a lie, since that was all you could talk about, but you push past him as you sit down, setting your tote on your lap as you look at him, waiting for him to do the same.
Satoru peeks at you, his lips pressed into a thin line as he swallows, not doing anything to sit down as one of your brows moves upwards, confused about the mental turmoil that he was going through, which made him reluctant to sit.Â
âEverything okay?â You ask slowly, shifting your legs, wondering if he was tight for room, but he just nods, tongue poking through his rosy lips as he glances back towards the double doors as he briefly nods.Â
âI need to use the bathroom,â he mutters, and you nod, lips pursing in understanding as you look over your shoulders, watching as more people start taking their seats.
âOkay,â you sit back a little bit, your finger pointing behind you to where the bathrooms were, âWell, you, you should probably go, like, now. I think the shows going to start,â you say with a light chuckle and check your phone, realizing that there were only five minutes left till the lights turned off, âIn a little bit.â
Satoru just nods again, saying spoke few words before he turns to leave, murmuring apologies to the people sitting down as his long legs knock their knees, and you watch him leave the aisle and go before you turn your attention back to the stage, taking the time to admire the props and the set design, trying to think back to the original story and see if it lines up with how you remembering it starting.Â
When the overhead lights start flickering, and Satoru isnât back yet, you churn in your seat, looking over your shoulder every couple of seconds, hoping that he doesnât have to navigate back in the dark.Â
You send him a small text saying that it was almost going to be lights out when you see his figure in the corner of your eye, watch as he nears your row with his arms full, and you squint, trying to see through the dimness to see what it was that he was holding.Â
The closer he gets, the more youâre able to see, and itâs only until heâs lowering himself to sit down that you make out the popcorn bag in one hand, and some boxes of sweets in the other.Â
He says nothing as he shoves the popcorn into your hand, settling in as he looks around the seat, trying to move the armrests up only to see that theyâre stuck in place, completely oblivious to your wide-eyed stare as he lets out a big sigh, resting back as his legs spread out a little bit. He opens a box of Maltesers, adjusting his glasses as he looks at the stage.Â
âWant some?â He finally says, his voice low as he pushes the red box towards you, and your cheeks are almost on fire as you glance at the paper bag of popcorn in his outstretched hand.Â
âIâŚâ you blink, holding onto the popcorn so that it doesnât spill, âHere.â You dumbly give him the bag back, assuming that he had only given it to you so that he could sit down more comfortably.Â
Only now does he tear his eyes away from the stage, tuning out the voice over the announcements, the regular message of turning off your phones and staying quiet, as his elbow pushes your arm back to your seat.Â
âCanât have corn,â he says bluntly, looking over at your startled expression, âItâs yours.âÂ
Itâs yours.
Hereâs another moment you're going to mull over before another minuscule thing he does happens again, and you spend the next months thinking about that. Â
âAre you sure?â You whisper, already pulling your phone out to Venmo him for it, but Satoru can already tell what you're about to do as he flicks it away, as if it was repulsive to him, and you donât have any time to argue because the curtains pull outwards and reveal the actors.
You drag a hand over your face, trying not to look over at him anymore as you begrudgingly accept the kind token, trying to relax in your seat as the show begins, a tentative finger plucking out a popcorn as you bring it to your mouth, hoping that the only person who can what the blood roaring in your ears is you.Â
â
Nearly a quarter in, and you start to realize just how bad an idea this was.Â
The play itself was great. The actors were delivering their performance in a manner that felt reminiscent ot the campy nature of the original text, and some people in the audience were keeling over with laughter in certain parts.Â
You found yourself with a wide smile throughout most of it, recalling some of the bits and others jogging your memory, but you were thoroughly enjoying it nonetheless. The issue was, the person next to you seemed to be despising it.Â
The rare couple of times you peeked over to see his reaction to a couple of things, you noticed his jaw clenched, sitting straight and uptight as his eyes never left the stage. He barely mustered up a smile during the funny portions, looking utterly depleted during the serious bits, and his hands were clasped together, fingers interwoven as he sighed, unamused.Â
Every time somebody would do something weird, youâd glance his way and would still see the same stone-cold expression on his face. You were aware that the play itself was over exaggerated and strange at times, but that was the whole appeal of it in the first place. But at times, you tried to view it through the lens of someone who didnât go in-depth into literature and read the nuances of somebody like Satoru, who would rather spend their free time studying and working on their mountain of assignments, not something like this, and you felt your chest getting heavier and heavier with each second.Â
When it neared intermission, you couldâve sworn you had nearly melted in your seat, your popcorn done as you glanced over at Satoru when the lights finally turned back on, people around you standing up to leave or stretch.Â
A beat of silence passes before you clear your throat, mustering up a wobbly grin as you jab a thumb to the curtains.Â
âFunny, huh?âÂ
Satoru blinks, as if coming back to, and you debate if he had been half asleep. The thought makes you sink even deeper in embarrassment.Â
âItâs, uh,â he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back as he swallowed thickly, âItâsâŚinteresting. I havenât really seen anything like it before.âÂ
You pause, chew on the side of your lip, rubbing at your eyes as you try to think of anything else to say. Youâve spent time with him alone, sure, but never in a situation where it felt like you had to defend yourself, your background, the whole reason why you were here in the first place, like you are now.Â
People bustle around the two of you, and he sits up a little straighter, pushing his shoulders back as his neck cracks a bit.Â
âItâs raunchy and⌠theatrical,â you try to explain, attempting to seem unconcerned as you fold the paper bag up and set it neatly on the ground, making a mental note to pick it up before you leave. âBut I think itâs really interesting given the period it was written and how vulgar, everything is, and the characters are all super unlikable, which you donât really see in these kinds of productions, and, well, itâs supposed to be funny andâŚfun, I guess,â your voice dies down, your lips almost chewed raw as you wait for a reaction, a facade of interest, a pitiful acknowledgement to what felt like your livelihood, but he just nods.Â
You suck in a deep breath, gaze darting around the theater as you try to look at anything else.
Noticing your sudden silence, his eyes leave the stage for a moment as they rake over your expression, see the way your lips pull into a small, worried line, the crease between your brows, something that appeared whenever you were stressed or confused. His face seemed to melt to mirror yours.Â
âIs there a reason why they keep calling the daughter a slut?â He finally asks, and your eyes dart back to him, and your cheeks puff, blinking slowly as you nod, embarrassed for some reason as you stammer to find words.Â
âItâs, erm, well, itâs in the original material, but,â your words mesh together as you try to call back on the research paper you did for this piece, your mind blanking as your cheeks heat, âBut I think they keep it in because itâs supposed to be a demonstration of the degradation of women and the differentiation between men who also exhibit premarital interest in the sexâŚand itâs not supposed to be funny but they repeat it a lot, so you kind of become numb to the meaning of the word...â Your rambling quiets near the end as you shoot him another tense smile, wringing your hands together as your lips tremble, looking away as a last resort to save your dignity.Â
After spending two years with him, youâve become familiar with his routine and what he expects from his day-to-day life. What some describe as the prodigal son, Gojo Satoru, if not with friends, is usually found in the back of the library, in his dorm, or somewhere quiet with papers strewn in front of him, with his laptop out, typing away. He sometimes goes to benefits and galas, some to attend because of his parents, others because of his biochemistry path, but his time isnât usually spent at the theater watching vulgar plays.Â
Thatâs what you did.
And of course, you didnât come here weekly. You had to be here for that godforsaken Literature in English class. But this was a part of you, this play, this environment, these exaggerated dialogues are what you spent your time obsessing over. The history and the meaning, and the importance of English literature and writings are your life, and having someone next to you, watching a personification of it live, felt like inviting them into a piece of your mind, even if they wouldnât view it as such.Â
But to you, you who liked to overcomplicate and read into things, saw it as such, and your heart was thumping erratically when you realized that Satoru probably saw this, you, as equally insane for enjoying something like this.Â
And you hated how much the thought made you spiral, made you think of yourself less than when there was a possibility that this wasnât what Satoru was thinking at all, but the slight chance, the small probability, is what stirred the trepidation in you.Â
âAre you enjoying it?âÂ
His question brings you out of your mental fever, and you bite your cheek, wondering what the right answer would be. Heâs watching you, waiting, and you exhale shakily, smiling poorly as you swallow back some bile.
âI, I am,â you say finally, âItâs justâŚI did this huge essay on this last year, and Iâve been looking for a rendition of it, but thereâs only this old movie thatâs so far been made, soâŚseeing this live is pretty cool.âÂ
He nods, looking at your stalled expression as you keep your eyes trained on the curtains, not wanting to show your internal thoughts on your ever-so expressive face, and he tries to keep his slight confusion at bay for your suddenly reserved self.Â
As you try to feign indifference by going on your phone, you can watch him from the corner of your eyes, look around, and uncharacteristically fidget in his seat as he debates doing the same as you or talking some more, which, at the moment, you donât appear content to do. But the more you try to ignore him, the more it seems like your body has a physical reaction to it, protesting your desire to keep to yourself.Â
âDid you do anything fun today?â You ask, putting your phone down as you scratch at the inside of your wrist. He blinks, looking a little quizzically at you before he clears his throat.Â
âWell, Suguru had set me up for a double date,â he explains, and you feel your chest tighten a little bit, âButâŚeh,â he shrugs, âI wasnât really feeling it,â he drags a hand over his face, âIf only he knew where Iâd end up instead, huh?â He nudges your elbow with his, a teasing grin on his face, but blood roars in your ears upon hearing his words.Â
Gods, the man who despised dates and unaccounted occasions and strange meetings would rather take that over this.
You let out a little puff of air, trying to give him a smile as you feel sweat dot on the back of your neck, your palms clammy as you wring your hands together, looking down at your shoes as you try to bite back the lump in your throat.
Heâd rather be anywhere else than here, your mind blares, the unspoken words ringing in the small expanse of your heart.
Thereâs a strange gurgle in your stomach, one that shifts sharply, and you wince. This is definitely not a part of your internal trade, and you hope that when you shift to place a hand on it to try and calm it down. You turn your phone off, pocketing it in your tote, and the sudden movement makes you jerk in pain. You sit back up, hoping that he won't notice.Â
But, of course, he does.Â
He angles his body towards you, brows cinched as your eyes twitch barely.Â
âAre you okay?â His voice his deep, tinged with worry, his head leaning towards you just a bit so that you can feel his minty breath fan across your warm cheek.Â
You wave him off, shooting him a horrifically terrible smile as you shift, your head tilting to the side as your stomach makes another alien noise.Â
âYeah,â you mutter, almost like a question because even you donât know if youâre alright, âYeah, I just think itâs the popcorn on an empty stomach.â But even that explanation made no sense. It seems like your stomach is churning even more with each passing second, and you really wish that he couldnât tell that every moment is a testament to your battle for control of your own body.
âDo you want some water?â He asks, looking over his shoulder to the doors, remembering that the concession stand was also selling bottled drinks, âIâll get some-âÂ
But your hand shoots out, gripping the fabric of his sleeve as you tug on it, shaking your head as you attempt to situate yourself back in your seat, your act going well besides the slight crack in your face at a particularly painful jab.Â
âNo, no, itâs fine, Iâm fine,â the lights flicker again above you, and youâre somewhat grateful for them, grateful hat you canât see the obvious fear on his face at the prospect of you being sick near his very hygienic self, âThe shows starting, anyway, so just,â your voice dips a little as you try to contain a groan, âJust stay.âÂ
He goes to protest, but your hold on him is strangely tight for someone so riddled with pain, and his mouth parts to say something, but the glare you shoot him nearly shuts him up.Â
âPlease,â you mutter, the embarrassment from several things thick in your voice as you wince, your eyes melting into something pleading as the applause begins, and his face falls for a second, but you look away, weakly clapping along with everybody else.Â
You feel tears prickly in your eyes.Â
And you hope he canât see the shining gloss when you try to blink them back.Â
â
When the show ends, youâre nearly debilitated with the pain in your abdomen, and the mortification from having watched Macheathâs other wife battle it out with Polly alongside Satoru. They mix into a terrible combination, one that forces you to come back into consciousness in the middle of the theater, the bright overhead lights nearly sending you into a psychosis.Â
There must have been something horrifically wrong with either the popcorn or the butter they put on it, because, despite your blurry view, you can see a few people in the audience huddled up in their seats the same way as you, despite the play ending.Â
Satoru cleans up next to you, taking his boxes of candy and your strewn popcorn bag, and sits back up to look at you nervously.
âAreâŚare you sure youâre okay?â His gentle tone is one that you barely register as your hands grip onto the armrest. You can barely even muster up a hum, giving him a shaky thumbs up as your stomach gurgles again, this time, audibly.Â
You try to stand, but your knees wobble, and you grip onto the back of the seat as your head sways. You can feel his grip on your elbow, nearly knocking over some people's bottles beside him from how fast he stands up, and your clammy face looks upward at him, swearing that he looks like an angel with the light framing his hair.
âI,â you clamp your mouth shut, swallowing thickly as you wince, taking a few seconds before you start again, âI have to use the loo.â The declaration comes out as a whisper, an ashamed one, and you canât look him in the face, even if his nods insistently, an arm of his wrapping around the expanse of your back as he tries to steady you
âThereâs one near the concessions,â he tells you, his voice strangely considerate and temperate, head leaning down to get closer to your ear so that you could hear him better, âDo you think you can make it?â
You feel like a child, but you only nod, neck and face flaring up in embarrassment as you allow him to guide you through the aisle of people, not looking anybody in the eyes as you make it out, your legs shaking slightly. If it werenât for him, youâre sure you wouldâve toppled down in pain by now.
The walk out of the theater becomes a blur, letting him guide you towards the bathrooms with one of your hands wrapped tightly around your stomach, as if it would ease the pain, and you feel the two of you come to a stop as you stand next to the ladies' door.Â
His arm around you falls, and you miss its warmth. He looks crossed with different emotions as you use the wall to hold yourself up, wobbling towards the bathroom as you shoot a look over your shoulder.Â
âThanks,â you whisper, your eyes widening and then shutting instantly at how much it hurts your head, âIâllâŚIâll be back.â The words slur in your mouth, and you donât give him any time to react before you leave through the wooden door and book it to a stall.Â
The moments that follow afterwards are what youâd expect from a case of bad butter.Â
You kneel on the floor, heaving everything up, trying to be as quiet as possible so the girls in the stalls around you canât hear, but itâs not a process that youâre particularly fond of and can feel your will to continue weakening as you leave back on the wall, your head in yours hands as you hear the toilet automatically flush.Â
At least getting it out of your system seems to have made the painful throbs dull down to an annoying little jab, but you feel like the bulk of the damage has already been done. Satoru was sweet enough that heâd try to never bring this up again, but you knew youâd have to live with the humiliation of this evening for a couple of months before you did something else that would top it.Â
You let your head tilt back and heave a gulp of air, palms jamming into your eyes as you attempt to swallow, your mouth too dry to produce any saliva. If Shoko were here, sheâd at least try to make you laugh about the ridiculousness of it all. But itâs just you and Satoru, and you donât know if you can even look at him for the next week after tonight.
Giving yourself a little more time to calm down, you heave yourself up from your position on the floor, careful not to touch the ground, and pluck your bag off the hook, miraculously throwing it on before you hunched, so as it wouldnât touch anything too icky.Â
You wash and scrub your hands, feeling dirty and still a little sick as you splash some water on your face, hoping the cool water will help snap you back. The girls around you talk, some drying their hands, others touching up their makeup in the mirror. One of the girls next to you watches you through your reflection, her face pale and strands of hair wet as she splashes some water onto her face.Â
âPopcorn?â She asks, and your eyes find hers through the mirror, blinking slowly as your hands grip the counter.Â
âYeah,â you take a deep inhale of air, sharing a small smile with her as you turn off the faucet, âDo you want some hand sanitizer?â You offer, going to reach into your tote, but she waves it off, giving you a kind smile as she continues to wash her hands, probably feeling just as bad as you were.Â
Giving her a small nod as you go to the paper towel dispenser, you reach around for your phone, opening it up as you quickly send a text to Shoko to update her on where you were, nothing too long, just to be safe, and tap the tip of your shoe on the ground, debating what to do next.Â
You could go see Satoru, probably waiting outside, and awkwardly explain that you should probably walk back, seeing how his germaphobic personality might not mesh with the fact that you had basically deposited your entire day in the theater washroom. You could also try to sneak away and hope that he was standing somewhere that granted you the option of stealth, but you quickly shook that off, quickly understanding how pathetic and childish it was.
After another moment of thought, you ball up the towel and throw it away, pushing the door open with your shoulder as you enter back into the lobby, the business having died down just a bit, and look around bravely for the man.Â
Spotting the pop of white near the end of the room, you take a few steps forward before you halt, stopping near a wall that offered you a little bit of insight as to what he was doing as you peeked around the corner.Â
2 - 0, you think sunkenly, watching the way Satoru talks to another girl, his broad shoulders shielding her from where you originally were, and that familiar ache enters your chest as you play with the hem of your sweater.
You could be sadistic when it came to your unrequited feelings; that much you had made peace with. But the universe was horrifically masochistic for the situations it thrust you into.Â
His face is a little more stiff than before, but still polite and kind as he cranes his neck to look at the girl. Her hair is pulled into a sleek bun, one that you always envied with how clean and precise some girls were able to make theirs, and watched how her hand lingered on his arm, something you could never get away with without his face falling into contained disgust.Â
Itâs unfair to think this way of this stranger, you remind yourself, after all, if you had the guts, youâd try to make a move on him too.Â
So, in another moment of decision-making, you get your phone out again, trying to contain the little tremble in your lips as you start drafting a message to him. Itâs for the best, you try to reason, telling him that you were too sick and didnât want to give him what you had. You send another message, saying that you were going to make your way back to your dorm and that you hope he had fun, thanking him as much as you could without sounding pathetic for how much he did this evening and for coming.Â
You also sent him the venmo transfer for the popcorn you were going to make earlier for good measure.Â
Where you were presented you an easy way to slip out of the building, one of the exits a little bit behind you, as you rubbed at your tired eyes, wrapping your arms around your torso as you prepared for the cold gusts of wind that were going to hit you the moment you stepped out.Â
People around you were talking in muted voices, laughter ringing around your ears as you ducked your head down, hoping that this time by yourself could give you some moments of peace, even though you knew that being alone with your onslaught of thoughts was going to do the exact opposite.
This campus was always bustling on a Saturday night, so you never felt too alone as you made your way away from the theater, pulling out your headphones as you geared up your phone to listen to some music before you heard a muffled shout from behind you.Â
Brows furrowing and your eyes slightly shifted in confusion, you, along with some other students around you, looked to see what the sound was.Â
To your utter horror and stupefaction, you watch as Satoru whips his head around, as if he were looking for something, or rather someone.Â
You stand like a deer in headlights, hands raised mid-way to your ears to put your headphones in them as you see him check his phone and then look up again, not caring that other people were looking at him strangely as he runs a worried hand down his face, typing something furiously fast as he looks around again.Â
Finally, it seems like he found what he was looking for when your eyes lock, and he sends you an ice-cold, deathly glare, one that made you glance around as if it were someone behind you more deserving of such a look, but before you can do anything, heâs jogging over to where you were frozen in place.Â
The closer he gets, the more you can see the agitation and vexation in his microexpressions, things youâve taken pride in before in reading, now not so much because you were on the receiving end of them.Â
When he comes to a halt, phone still in hand, his chest rises and falls a little fast, as if he were out of breath, and he runs another frustrated hand through his white locks as he pushes them back.
Your mouth gapes, and you suddenly remember that you were supposed to be âdeathly illâ according to the text you had sent him, and try to make your breathing seem more labored, your posture more haggard, but that doesn't work as he eyes you like he knows.
âWhere the hell are you going?â He snaps, and you wince slightly at his tone, and he reels, shooting you an apologetic look despite the fire burning inside of him from the way youâve been acting this night.
âBackâŚback to my place,â you whisper, voice hoarse, and he hears it instantly, expression melting as he takes the time to really dissect the way your eyes are slightly bloodshot, your lips chapped, your lashes clumped with tears, and he takes a small step back, taking in a deep breath.
âNo, I, shit,â he stammers, restarting, âAre youâŚâ His voice comes out as thick and low, and you almost feel it in your bones as he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to calm his nerves as he gives you a tilted look, âAre you okay?âÂ
This time, heâs not asking because you were exhibiting signs of ailment, but because you had been acting like you were strangers since the moment you saw him tonight. Because your behavior was so off and unlike you, he was struggling to understand if there was something beneath the surface, something that had happened that he wasnât aware of, that was fueling this shift.Â
Your eyes seem to waver as you try not to look at him, attempting a nonchalant shrug that is anything but, as you think of how to lower your voice to a deeper register to appear more sick than you really are.
âI feel sick,â you mutter, coughing feigningly as you pull on the straps of your tote upwards, as you clear your throat, trying not to feel the weight of the looks other people were giving the two of you.
A single brow of his raises, one that you know is detecting bullshit as you rub at your nose.
âIâm sure,â he finally murmurs, rolling his eyes at the obvious statement, âI think the entire lobby heard you throwing up your small intestine.â That statement alone almost makes you keel over in shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and disgrace, but he continues, âButâŚare youâŚokay? Youâve beenâŚoffâŚthe entire night.âÂ
And you know you canât sidestep this landmine because you know how weird youâve been acting this evening, knowing that your attempts to make things better have only backfired, and the past couple of hours come screaming back at you, and for some stupid, depressing reason, cause a sting of tears to prick behind your eyes.Â
Your bottom lip catches between your teeth as your head falls slightly, your stomach still aching, your pride and confidence bruised, and you can still smell the lingering perfume of the girl he had been talking to, another reminder that you probably didnât smell like that perfume you had spritzed on so long ago.
âIâm okay,â you murmur, looking at the cracks on the ground, your voice shaking and wobbling and so clearly not true that you tilt your head back up to see his reaction, your face crumpling into a little wet laugh when he seems completely unmoved. Upon hearing your little giggle, his anger fades a bit, but is quickly replaced with another emotion when he hears you sniffle.Â
âLook, you-â he looks down at his phone to reread the text you had sent him, and his confusion seems to grow even more when he reads another notification, âDid you Venmo me?âÂ
You nod again, weakly, and when you look up at him, you see him fighting back a startled laugh, the quiver on his face making your lips pull up into a wobbly smile, your own emotions turning into something strange as you watch him shake his head in dismay, running a stressed hand through his hair.Â
âDid something happen today?â He asks, not taunting, never taunting, but something you canât place as you weakly not, a sheen over your eyes as you tug at your sleeves.Â
ââŚno,â you whisper, but the two of you know itâs far from the truth because even you canât hide the way your lips tremble and your hands shake slightly.Â
He presses his lips together tightly, his jaw ticking as he takes in your sunken form, something heâs never seen before, and chews on his cheek, thinking.Â
Sighing deeply, he pockets his phone, not able to look at your texts anymore because they made him too nauseous, and moves to be closer to you.Â
âCome on,â he says after a moment's silence, âLetâs go.â
You peek over at him, your brows furrowing slightly as you huff out a breath of air, trying to contain your tears as you sniffle again. Your bottom lip trembles slightly, and your stomach still has a lingering ache, but thereâs something else thatâs causing you to be like this, and you donât like whatever it is.Â
Heâs waiting, his elbow budging yours, and so you heave a sigh, rubbing at your cheeks as you nudge him back slowly.Â
âThank you, âToru,â you murmur, and he pauses, his tongue caught between his teeth because you rarely call him by that nickname, rarely use it unless you really mean it, âFor everything. And Iâm sorry,â you peek over at him from above your lashes, looking back at the ground at your shoe so you couldnât see his reaction, âI didnât mean to spoil your evening like this-â But before you can say anything more he raises a hurried hand, cutting you off.Â
âYou didnât spoil my evening, love,â he says quickly, his tone soft and teetering on worried, the little title slipping out of his mouth like it was natural, and if you werenât feeling like a pile of shit, you might have fixated on it more, his eyes roaming your anxious face.
But you insistently nod, your lips pressed together as if you were trying your hardest not to let out a pitiful cry in front of him.
âI-I did,â you voice cracks, and you rub at your eyes as some treacherous tears escape, and if only you could truly see the way he looks like he was breaking seeing you like this, âWith you getting the popcorn and then me getting sick and then the s-stupid show,â and he winces because he knows you were enjoying the play, could hear your twinkling laugh and he hates it whenever you feel the need to shut down the things you like because youâre worried other people will judge you for doing so, âAndâŚand I wish you had told Shoko o-or me about your date, I would have totally understood,â you try for a smile, your words choked and wobbly and if only you knew what you were doing as you ramble, âIâm justâŚIâm really sorry for everything." You finish with a quivering chuckle, your heart shaking like a leaf as you finally meet his eyes, hoping he canât see the little shake in your breathing when you finally do.
He breathes in deeply, and you can hear the gears in his head turning. But you nudge his side again, wanting to leave it at that. You can feel his eyes burning into the side of your face, but you donât want to look.Â
And youâre grateful that to some extent, he understands that, even if not fully. He murmurs a gentle come on, his hand gingerly wrapping around your arm as he tugs to next to him, his warmth enveloping you as he leads the way.
â
As much as you insist, the one thing he doesnât seem to budge on is taking you back to your dorm.Â
You pleaded with him, begged him not to get him sick, but he wouldnât listen. Itâs almost as if he steered you towards his building, a hand hovering over your back as he led you inside and up the elevator and to his room before you could even have the ability to ditch and run away.Â
âIf youâre going to talk, fine, but donât think Iâm insane enough to leave you alone right now.âÂ
That alone could have sent you into a psychosis if you werenât so worried about puking all over his bed.Â
With the way his germophobic and clean tendencies forbade him from going to public restrooms, youâre stunned that heâs even standing near you with everything that has happened this night. He even lent you his old band shirt and trousers from when he was going through a phase.Â
It was a blur as you spun around his room, rifling through his drawers for towels and soap and things he thought you might want to use in the shower. You stood awkwardly at the foot of his bed, not sitting down on the mattress because you knew how he felt about outside clothes on his sheets, and you said nothing as he handed everything to you, shooting you a shaky smile, one that was tense because you figured he was most likely worried about you staining or ruining one of his clean things. You donât say anything as he suddenly ducks, his knees hitting the floor as he starts undoing the laces to your shoes, mumbling something about how you bending over might not be the best for your stomach.
He was lucky enough to be in one of the newer buildings, meaning that he had a personal washroom, so he just led you to it and let you know to use the shower and to call out to him if you needed anything. He even had an extra pack of toothbrushes and boxers that he hadnât touched that he set aside for you.Â
You watched as he shut the door, the water roaring behind you as it began to heat up, and you silently stripped, neatly folding your clothes as you set them to the side. You took a tentative step inside his very clean shower, letting the steaming water hit you as you stood there for a couple of minutes, reflecting.Â
Washing your face, scrubbing roughly at the makeup and the evening away, you feel some salty tears bite at your cheek, and you donât even know why youâre crying right now. Well, in all honesty, you do, and thatâs probably what hurts the most.
Youâve never cried over Gojo Satoru before. Youâve never felt like it was so depressingly lost where youâd need to use these muscles and these feelings that you reserve for truly important things, but it felt like tonight was a confirmation and closure all in one. It felt like you slowly came to your senses, realized that despite your wishes, it was fruitless. You just werenât the kind of girl that he could cherish, at least, not in the way you wanted him to, and you knew it would be selfish of you to ruin any chance another girl could have of him being hers.Â
It took you a little longer than expected, but you feel like you were slowly gaining consciousness, the reality at hand as you turned the water off, patting yourself dry with the soft towel he had provided you.Â
You move carefully, brushing your teeth, pulling on the clothes he left you, as you assess yourself in the fogged-up mirror. Your eyes are a little puffy, but you can just tell him from earlier. Your voice is croaky, but youâll just bite your words back tonight until you can go back to your place in the morning and start distancing yourself from him until your feelings are choked out. Itâs time you began moving on, anyway.Â
Braving the other side, you take a deep breath before you carefully open the door, peeking around the corner until you see him sitting on the corner of his bed, furiously typing away until he hears the creak, looking up from across the room as you sheepishly smile.Â
He quickly puts his phone away, standing to his feet as he rubs his hands, not knowing what to do as he buffers.Â
âWas, erm, was everything good?â He motions to the bathroom, and you quickly nod, walking away as the steam from behind wraps around you, your body adjusting to the shift in temperature as your eyes stray to the couch in the corner, pillows and blankets set up in a makeshift bed.Â
âIt was great, thank you,â you say gently, âIâm sorry, again-â But he holds a hand up, cutting you off as he insistently shakes his head.Â
âReally, it was nothing,â he stresses, his cheeks dusted pink, his glasses discarded on his desk.Â
You nod again, embarrassed, and smile stiffly, pointing to the couch as you make your way over.Â
âThanks for this, too,â you say, but he seems to awkwardly shuffle, his hands behind his back, looking like he wants to say something, and your brow slightly quirks at his odd reaction.Â
âThatâsâŚthatâs for me,â he explains, moving away from his lofted bed as he shows you the changed sheets and the new pillow case covers, what he must have been doing in the time it took for you to shower, âYou can sleep here.â He pats the mattress, and you let out a disbelieving chuckle, shaking your head as you move closer to the couch, feeling like the worst person in the world.Â
âI couldnât,â you stress, but heâs already moving closer to you, looking like he wants to move you away from the cushions, âIâve already imposed enough. Iâll sleep here. Itâs fine, really, I like couches.â
He opens his mouth and closes it, lips pressed into a thin line.Â
âYou havenât imposed,â he finally says, as if thatâs all he took away from your rambles, and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you wave aside his polite nature and hold your hands up.Â
âIf I sleep on your bed after everything, Iâm never going to be able to look you in the eyes again, okay?â You put it bluntly, âSo Iâll take the couch, and youâll take your bed, and itâll be fine. Okay?âÂ
His tongue darts out, blinking rapidly as if heâs assessing his different options, and he looks at you, to the couch, and then to the bed. He seems like heâs torn, but he figures that the next best thing is to ignore this completely, shaking his head to himself as he moves around you to the cupboards behind your body, shuffling around until he finds what he needs.
âIâm going to wash up,â he mutters, glancing briefly at you as he pulls in his towel to his chest, his new pair of clothes, and you feel your chest tighten at the sudden dismissiveness in his tone, ad if heâs given up with you, and he makes his way to the separate room, âMake yourself comfortable.â He calls over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him, and you give it a few seconds before you wince, falling back down onto the couch as you pull a pillow to your chest and allow yourself some time to relax before he comes back.Â
You allow yourself some time to look around, appreciating his tidy room and the mess-free atmosphere. You can smell the lingering scent of bergamot, and you see the warmer on his desk, a candle right under it. The wall that his desk is parallel to is littered with postcards and retro movie posters (mostly Star Wars and Star Trek). There are some polaroids he has pinned up, some with Suguru and Shoko from their years in secondary school, some photos he had taken himself with his camera. His bookshelf, which is nearly leaning over with how heavy it is, is at the end of the couch, and you shift to get a better look at the books he has on his shelf.Â
Youâre so rarely in here, especially by yourself, so you peek around, hearing the water still running, and lift from the cushions, your eyes squinting as you move closer, trying to make out the names on the spines, your curiosity getting the better of you.Â
Most of the shelves are full of textbooks from previous courses he had taken; therefore, most of them are science-related. Your eyes shift across the spines, seeing some books about botany and a couple about astronomy and astrophysics, a specific interest of his despite specializing in biochemistry. Notes are jammed into the empty spaces, and you make out his cursive on some of them, smiling despite yourself when you pull some of them out, making out his quick scribble from when he was either in class or studying.Â
The bookshelf itself is insanely tall for no reason, tall enough that youâre sure Suguru or even Satoru, in his sprawling height, would struggle reaching to top, so you have to go onto your toes, stretching your calves as you tilt your head upwards to look at some of the higher shelves, pulling some books out by placing a finger on the top of the spine, careful not to disrupt anything as you let yourself get lost in the names.Â
Suddenly, in the midst of all the chemistry and biology and Latin names, something familiar catches your eye, a book that was resting on its side on the highest shelf, and you struggle but can wedge yourself up on the edge of the couch to reach it.
The Count of Monte Cristo.
Your eyes widen in spite of your heavy emotions riddling your mind, and you turn it around, reading which edition and publisher it was as you scour through the pages, seeing his little citations in blue ink in the margins. You flip through the pages, each one highlighted and marked for different reasons, similar to the way you read through a book, and you close it shut, feeling like you were somehow intruding on something private as you set it back down in its initial place on the shelf until something else caught your attention.Â
Familiar titles and authors all paint the top level of his bookshelf, books that have nothing to do with his major or classes or even remotely with something you think he might enjoy reading, and you almost fall as you try to get closer.Â
A small box at the edge of the shelf piques your interest, and your lips catch between your teeth as you put all of your focus on this task, your nimble fingers moving closer, plucking it from its spot as you hold it gingerly in the palm of your hand, looking back to the bathroom as you hear the pipes groan as he turns the water off, an alarming sound, one that meant that you didn't have a lot of time left.
The box itself is also familiar, this one for more reasons than most, because you remember this box; you gave it to him for his previous birthday. amongst other little trinkets, finding it at a flea market, and thinking he could make some use of it. The wooden grain and the carvings on it were delicate, and your hold is even more careful as you unlock the little latch, the top lifting open as you peer inside.Â
Your eyes adjust to the sight, something you werenât necessarily expecting, as what you can only describe as junk littered the inside of it. A ticket stub from a movie he had seen, a dried leaf, candy wrappers, spare coins. You huff a little in disappointment, your nosey nature quelled by the contents within as you rifle around a little more, knowing you should stop and sit down and act like you saw nothing when you feel a glossy texture beneath your fingertips.Â
Gently, you pinch it between your pointer finger and thumb, pulling it out from beneath all rubble as you hold it closer to your face, your breath catching in your throat.Â
Itâs a polaroid of the two of you.
You remember the night well, a couple of months ago, during the summer. The four of you and a couple of mutual friends had rented a car and had gone up to a cabin, one of the many properties Satoruâs family owned, and had spent the weekend there. Suguru had insisted on setting up a fire and eating around it, and you had huddled up next to Shoko as the night got colder. You remember the voices and the laughs and the squeals as some of the friends, people you didnât know that well, began chasing each other, and you and Shoko watched, amused. You remember how one of the boys had been carrying a jug of water, one meant for inside, when somebody bumped into him, and he tripped, and the water came falling on you. You remember letting out a small laugh, shocked and forgiving as you assured the stranger that it was okay, shivering, nonetheless, as Shoko laughed uncontrollably.Â
But above all, you remember how Satoru hurried over from wherever he was, his stare worried that you were hurt, everything shifting when he saw the playful glint in your eyes, the fireplace illuminating your features in red, yellow and orange hues as you shrugged his worries off, his hands on your elbows, steadying you as Suguru took a photo of the moment, of your head thrown back in a laugh and his eyebrows pulled into an anxious line while his lips pulled into a gentle smile, the stars twinkling in the background as he steadied you to your feet.Â
You distantly recall hearing the click and asking Suguru about the photo, but hearing him say something along the lines of the lighting being too dark, but clearly that was a lie because you were holding the small photo in your hand, staring at it with no problem.
Before you can spend more time thinking about his junk box and what the hell this photo was doing in it, you heard some shuffling on the other side of the bathroom, the door clicking open as you scramble to put the box back, nearly tripping as you jump down, going back to where you were seated on the couch in a flash, appearing to look nonchalant as he stepped out.Â
You donât let your eyes linger too long on the way his shirt stretched tightly across his chest, or the way that the water has caused the fabric to slightly stick to his arms. He shakes his hair into a towel, ringlets of water falling as he pushes his hair back. You also try not to fawn too much over his mismatched pajamas, or how his trousers have prints of lightsabers in different colors all over them.Â
âHey,â he calls out gruffly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he tosses his towel into the hamper, his feet padding over to his desk as he checks the clock and then his phone for any notifications. He sighs, and your throat is dry, heart hammering in your chest as you realize a grave mistake.Â
In your haste to put everything back, the careful clutch you had on the photo had appeared nonexistent, and you had, for some reason, made the blunder of still holding the photograph of the two of you resting in the palm of your hand.Â
His back is still to you, and you swallow thickly, shuffling across the couch as you try to deposit it onto one of the nearer shelfs, hoping that if he were to see it he would think it had mistakenly fallen out or something less drastic, but his ears turn towards your movement, looking over his broad shoulders at the way you scramble to dispose of the film.Â
âWhat areâŚ?â His eyes pierce yours, and you sheepishly snap around to look at him, your hand going behind you as you shake your head, acting confused as his head tilts to the side, jumping from your seat at the edge of the cushion to your leg, angled towards his bookshelf.Â
âI was just looking at your books,â you quickly state, trying to cover your ass as lips purse together to give you a knowing look, a white brow rising so high that it disappears in his hairline, one calling you out on your obvious bullshit.Â
âHm,â he hums, taking a step closer to you, his skin still glowing from the shower as he makes his way to where you were sitting, towering over you as his arms cross deliciously across his chest, âThen what do you have behind you?âÂ
You feign innocence, blinking as you shake your head, acting dumb as you shrug.Â
âI,â you scoff, leaning back into one of the pillows as you shrug, âI donât have anything behind me.â
âRight,â he drawls out, his voice slightly deeper, intimidatingly so as he crouches down a little until his face is to face with you, his fingers moving to poke at your arms, twisting at an odd angle to hide behind your back, âThen you wouldnât mind if I gave you some medicine, yeah? Something that requires both hands?âÂ
Damn him.Â
You shake your head, swallowing as you shoot him a shaking smile.Â
âNot at all,â you stress, shifting uncomfortable as he nods, his eyes raking over your face one last time as he moves to his desk, pulling a drawer out, his medicine drawer, you deduce, and watch as he pulls out a bottle that seems to promise helping with stomach aches, and he turns it over, reading the label until he seems satisfied.Â
He strolls back to where youâre seated, holding the medicine bottle out towards you as he patiently waits.Â
You shoot him a fake smile, biting back annoyance as you shift awkwardly, wringing out a hand from underneath your body, the one thatâs not holding onto the photograph, as you take the bottle from his outstretched hands. You stare at it, realizing that heâs waiting for you to open it, and if it wasnât for the unimpressed look on his face, youâd almost wager that he was amused.
âSomething wrong?â He asks, fully knowing the answer, and you shoot him a glare.Â
âNo,â you bite back, your other hand moving slowly, careful not to crumble or tear the film as you place it under your thigh, showing him both of your hands as you twist the cap of the medicine bottle off, âSee?â
He nods, still unbelieving of your little tactic, as he takes the bottle away from you. You watch as he moves to set it down on the table, assessing the situation as he moves down in one swift motion, not giving you any time to understand what was going on as he loops one hands under your knees, another across your back as he lifts you up and over his shoulders like you genuinely weighed nothing more than a sack of flour and you screamed in horror at the rudeness of everything.Â
âFreak!â You shout, your face looking at his muscular back as he chuckles, not seeing anything yet as you try to kick his face, âThis is so degrading, put me down!â You scream, horrified and mortified as he pinches your calf that was near his chest.Â
âStop squirming,â he chides, but his voice is anything but chiding as he swivels around, your body jerking sideways as your head drops, motion sickness from already feeling a little off from earlier tonight, and you weakly punch his back, groaning.
âIâm going to puke all over you,â you threaten, but he just chuckles, shaking his head as he pretends to drop you, only to catch you last minute, his chest shaking with the sound, and you go to snap at him again,
 But you feel it, hear it the moment he sees the polaroid you had taken.Â
He goes tense, his grip on you tightening a little bit out of shock, and heâs suddenly silent. You wince, turning around, hoping he could take the hint and set you down, and he finally does, carefully setting you on the ground as he bends, picking up the photograph from where it had fallen onto the floor, and staring blankly at it.Â
Your hands clench, chest tightening as his eyes flicker from it to you, his face unreadable as his jaw clenches slightly.Â
Nobody speaks for a moment, the room suddenly as tense as it was when you first entered, and you watch as he puts the photograph face down on a random shelf, turning back to you as he sighs deeply.Â
âWere youâŚWere you going through my things?âÂ
The question shakes you, and your mouth parts as you clamp it shut.Â
âN-no,â you finally say, âWell, no, not really, but I guessâŚI donâtâŚI was,â your head drops to your hands in mortification as you motion weakly to the bookshelf, âI was only looking at your books.â You mutter weakly, not even able to look at him as you keep your stare trained on the books and their titles.Â
âI didnât mean to see it, butâŚâ You trail off, thousands of emotions racing through you as you try to deny it in your mind, sadness from before, anger with yourself, and suddenly feel vexation towards him for no particular reason as your eyes snap to his, âGod, why do you care? Itâs just a photo! I didnâtâŚI didnât mean to look, but I saw that thing I gave you, and I had thought you wouldâve tossed it away by now, and I just wanted to see what youâd keep in there andâŚyeah, fuck, okay, I looked! Iâm sorry, okay? ButâŚI mean, you keep it as a junk box anyway, itâs not like itâsâŚlike itâs an heirloom!â Youâre trying to ration and reason and trying to justify your clearly immoral actions as you ramble again, a terrible trait of yours, as he just takes it, takes your anger and your slew of words and your hurt as you feel your eyes water for no reason again as you hug your arms to yourself.Â
He says nothing for another moment, his eyes dark and piercing.Â
And then he moves.Â
His arm reaches upwards, up to the shelf, up behind your head to where the box was resting on the top shelf, and he slowly brings his hand down, your heart in your throat as he nearly throws the lid open, beginning to pull everything out one by one.
âThis,â heâs holding the ticket stub, âThis is from tonight.â
Your hands instantly drop to your sides as the anger fades and utter confusion floods your senses.Â
âŚhuh?
You had just looked at the box; how did you not notice? But you look closer at it, the date and the row and seat number nearly the same as the ticket stub you had thrown away after leaving the theater in a hurry, and your eyes flee up towards him, his chest heaving as he continues.Â
âThis is from when we went to the beach,â he pulls out a chipped seashell, and you recognize the pattern instantly, remembering the one time the four of you had gone to the shoreline, a seashell you had picked up and thought was interesting, showing it to him before Shoko called you away, but you donât have any time to compute that as he pulls out the next time.Â
âThis is from the candy you gave me during a study session we had,â he pulls out a wrinkled wrapper, âThis is the hair tie you left at my place and forgot,â he has a simple black elastic band sitting in the palm of his hand, but he could very much so be holding your pittering pattering heart the more he continues, his voice quivering slightly, and youâve never heard him ramble like this, ramble like you.
âThis is the leaf that was stuck in my hair that you pulled out,â he admits quietly, holding up the dried leaf from the time you had been walking next to him in the fall, the trees shaking in the wind, giggling at his white hair littered with the colorful leaves, âThese are the coins you gave me because I didnât have any change,â heâs holding up the spare sterlings you had lent him when he wanted some ice cream but forgot his card at home, and your eyes move up and down, a strange thumping sound in your ears because you feel like youâre about to faint, and he slows to a stop, his cheeks flushed and his hands shaking as his hand fills with all of the things you have given him over the past two years, things that a normal person would have thrown away or used or given back.Â
âThisâŚâ his lips tremble as he shuts them for a second, looking unlike the person youâve begun to know so deeply as his fingers wrap around something, pulling out a neatly folded white napkin, unused, as he takes in a steadying breath, âThis is the, erm, the napkin you lent me. From the night we first met.â
The box is empty now, but the room fills with moments in time, moments that you would cherish in the deepest parts of your mind before you went to bed, and pretended like they were fleeting and didn't matter so that you could face him bravely the next time you saw him. Moments that you thought he treated like normal moments in time that would pass and would never be remembered again, moments that you didnât think he wouldâŚhold onto.
Not the way you did.
âItâs notâŚjunk,â he admits thickly, âFor me itâs not.â
He stops, taking in a deep breath as he pushes his hair away from his face, carefully putting everything back in the box, including the photograph, as he sets it down, turning back to face your stunned expression.Â
âLook, have you ever seen me without my glasses?âÂ
You blink. Realizing that heâs waiting on you to answer, you blank before shaking your head slowly, and he nods.Â
âRight, right, well, I used to wear contacts. All the time. Ask Suguru o-or Shoko butâŚever since you said that you like the way glasses look, IâŚI donât know, I kept wearing them, hoping youâdâŚâ he trails off, his cheeks completely red, the tips of his ears a bright pink as he ducks his head down, scratching his nape sheepishly, whispering, âHoping youâd maybe say it again.â
Your eyes go wide, and you blink owlishly, swearing you look fish-adjacent with the way you can only give him this look on repeat as he takes your silence as an okay for him to go on a rare nervous tangent of his own.
âWhen I was little, my grandfather taught me how to tie his tie. He said that I should learn how to do it by myself so that I wouldn't need any help when I grow up.â
You donât say anything, and he doesnât get angry at your silence, but simply offers you a small, worried smile.Â
âIâve gotten pretty good at it,â he confesses with a farce laugh, something empty and shaky, "But you always ask to tie them, andâŚI always let you. Youâre the only person I feel comfortable with; the only person who it doesnât feel like,â he shivered, wincing slightly as if his skin was prickling at the thought of other people touching him the way you do, âThe only person who can touch me and I feelâŚokay.â
âI have a shelf of all the books youâve talked about,â he persists, motioning upwards, and you slowly look around to where The Count of Monte Cristo was sitting, along with all the other books youâve raved about in the past, thinking heâd only listen and give you kind comments, not knowing that he had gone home and sat down and read them all afterwards, âI stopped drinking whenever we go out together because you said you donât really like the smell of alcohol on peopleâs breaths. IâŚâ he rakes his hand through his hair again, a nervous fidget of his as he looks pleadingly at you, âI have my spot on Suguruâs couch because your spot is right next to it.â
âAnd our friends tell me that Iâm not crazy, thatâŚthat I might have a chance,â he motions a shaking hand between the two of you, and you allow yourself this time to blink again, âBut, I donât know,â his head ducks as he chokes back some tears, and your eyes widen even more, your eyebrows up in your hair at this point because youâve been rendered speechless, âItâs like any time I try to get closer to you, you leave or immediately want to be anywhere else or seem uncomfortable and I donât want you to feel that way, especially because of me.âÂ
When he looks up, his eyes are glassy, looking like a stormy ocean, and you feel tears prickle at yours, your breath lodged in your throat as you try to pinch yourself, swearing that you were in some vision, but this is real, and heâs not stopping, saying the words youâve only dreamt of.Â
âI know Iâm not reallyâŚthe kind of person that youâd usually go for,â he explains, his voice dim, âIâm not good with literary nuances or dissecting medieval texts. I canât read the way you read, and Iâm not good with understanding people the way you do, butâŚI want to be. I want to be that, I want to be good for you.â
Your mouth is wide open as you gape at him, trying to make sense of the words that you could only imagine as you stared silently at him saying to you, saying them to you here. The two of you donât say much for a second, your eyes blinking rapidly as your mind travels faster than the speed of sound, and you realize that heâs not lying or trying to make you laugh. Heâs not confessing his love for another girl, but instead clutching his chest because it felt like your silence was leading up to a personal rejection, and you can barely muster up any actual words as you surge towards him, stopping his rambling as your arms wrap around his neck, knees knocking against his as your lips slam against his.Â
Your heart plummets as you feel him still, his arms still at his sides as his eyes widen in shock, and you feel like youâve completely screwed things up, going to step away before his hands shoot upwards, wrapping around your waist and legs as he hoists you up, his lips moving against yours hungrily.Â
âYouâre soâŚso stupid,â you mutter in between breaths, his lips parting yours, soft and gentle and fast and desperate as they chase the way you taste, wanting to savor the plushness of yours as you mewl at the way his fingers dig into your soft skin, moving you effortlessly towards his bed as the two of you smile against each other, laughing in the air as your back hits the mattress. He fidgets with his glasses, pushing them up with his middle finger, coming a little loose after everything.Â
âYeah?â He murmurs, happy, giddy, his eyes bright and alive and electric as he nips at your bottom lip, his own shining with spit as he ducks down again, pressing kisses to your face, and you feel lightheaded, âTell me how Iâm stupid, baby.âÂ
You groan, lightly hitting his chest as he chuckles lightly, his kisses moving to your cheek, across your nose, as your smile turns bright enough to power the sun for the rest of eternity if it were to die in this very moment.
âI,â you huff, your chest burning and your hands tangled in his hair, fisting his shirt as you bring him in impossibly closer, âIâve had thisâŚdebilitating crush on you ever since I saw you,â you admit quietly, and he pauses, his sunset dusted cheeks turning into a wide grin as he huffs out a laugh and push his face away from your as you turn away in discomfiture, âAnd Iâve done everything to get you to notice me. Iâve embarrassed myself like, twenty times a day, hoping youâd look my way.âÂ
Satoru raises a slender brow, and you have the urge to pull him down by the collar, pressing your lips to his as he happily obliges, his tongue poking out to tease yours as he turns to an even bigger taunting menace as he pulls away.Â
âI canât stop looking at you,â he mumbles shyly, ducking down as he kisses your throat, and you shift slightly to give him more access, your breath catching in your lungs as his kisses turn into him sucking in a patch of skin, licking it over when heâs satisfied itâs going to mark. âI could barely focus on the play tonight because I kept looking over.âÂ
You let out a giggle, curling his soft strands of hair around your finger as he glances up to see your smile, pressing a chaste kiss as if he wanted to taste the way your unabashed happiness felt.
âAnd I try to sound smarter whenever youâre around,â you admit, and he snorts against the skin of your cheek again, enjoying how plush and soft it was, biting it as you squeal, but it was never hard enough to hurt, just experimental, and he laughs, âAnd you never even acknowledged the number of times Iâd bring up a science-y article I had spent the entire night analyzing just for you to ask me about my stupid book report.â You pout, and he attempts to kiss it off of you, his hands roaming the exposed skin of your waist and stomach, hot against your cold self, and he rolls his eyes.Â
âThatâs only because I was having tiny aneurysms whenever youâd do that,â he reasons, his face morphing into something sweet and gentle and something so entirely new andâŚyours that you wish you could take a picture of it, âAnd I wanted you to know that I remembered the things you told me.âÂ
You throw a hand over your face, not wanting him to see the gleefulness on your face, but he just wrings your hands away, slotting his long legs in between yours as he lets out another joyous laugh.
âCome on,â he insists, nudging his nose against your jaw, âHow else am I stupid?â
You let out an exaggerated groan, biting your lip as you try to think through your muddled thoughts.Â
âYouâŚyouâŚyou kept only the ridiculous things I gave you!â You argue, and he moves upwards slightly, giving you a pointed look, as if you were offending his lifeline or treasures, âIâve given so many things andâŚâ But you trail off, feeling his large hand gently wrap around your face, turning it to the side so you could see his room from his point of view.Â
âLook closely,â he softly urges, and your eyes trail across the walls, the shelves, the tabletops, âThis room is full of you.â
And heâs right.Â
The postcards he has up are the ones you gave the three of them from the time you had gone to Paris with your family over the summer, picking out individual ones you thought each of them would like. Vintage telescopes and microscopes you imagined him enjoying, but never enough to actually put them up. The music box that plays the theme of A New Hope, a simple melody from his favorite movie that you had also gotten for his birthday, sits on his bedside table. The books you had found on sale about plant biology, a little thing you thought he might like, rest on top of his bookshelf.Â
Your bottom lip catches between your teeth, and he chuckles at your quiet reaction, dipping down to kiss you again, wanting to nudge those sounds from you, even if he has to take them like this.
âIs this why youâd scare off any guy who came up to me?â You ask, but you already know the answer, just wanting to see the look on his face as he groaned, pinching your side as you giggle at his antics.Â
âI thought I was being so obvious,â he murmured against your lips, his tongue roaming through your mouth as you part it slightly for him, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling, a string of spit connecting the two of you as he pulls away, âEveryone could see how badly I wanted you.âÂ
You shrug, feeling sluggish from his movements.Â
âI didnât,â you argue faintly, and he looks up, white lashes fluttering as he grins, kissing the tip of your nose as he smiles.Â
âGuess I didnât either,â he whispers teasingly, âGuess weâre both stupid for that.âÂ
You go to fight back, but you let out an embarrassing moan at the way his hands travel across your stomach, pushing your shirt upwards slightly as your back arches upwards to chase the feeling. His hands are large and travel expertly across your body, as if heâs mapped out the small things that make you squirm and the things you itch for, as if heâs spent the past two years studying you instead of his dusty textbooks, and the thought alone makes you shake with anticipation.Â
âCanât believe I waited this long,â he murmurs against the skin of your stomach, kissing the plain of it as you shake with an uncontrollable giggle, âWhy didnât you say anything, hm? Did you like tormenting me like this?â
The question makes you stop.
Suddenly, everything from before comes rushing back.Â
It seems like it sets off alarm bells in your head, as if you had been functioning through a rose-tinted fog for the past couple of minutes, and suddenly reality hits you becauseâŚyou havenât told him for a reason. The months and months of pining after him werenât just because you liked torturing yourself, but because of your frankly very real fears of rejection for more reasons than one.Â
After a second, you huff, hands clenching by your sides as you feel a surge of feelings, deep ones that youâve choked on and tried to hide, and he notices the instant way you tense up, stopping his movements as he glances upwards at you.Â
âDo you want to stop?â He asks gently, tugging the hem of your (his) shirt back down to cover your stomach, and you let out a delicate laugh, a pensive look on your face as you chew worriedly on your face.Â
Sighing, you rub a hand down your face, sitting upright with your back resting on his headboard, and turn to look back at his desk, feeling the weight of his stare more than before as heat licks at your cheeks.Â
âWhat aboutâŚwhat about the others?â
The question rings through the room, bouncing off the walls, and his brows furrow in slight confusion as you still refuse to tear your eyes away from his desk, your hands resting in your lap, and he moves slowly, his large hands encompassing yours, unraveling your fingers, alleviating the tension you didnât know was building.Â
âWhat others?â Satoru asks after a moment, unjudgmentally, tenderly, and caring, patient as you huff out another shaky laugh, shrugging your shoulders as they fall in a heavy drop, your chest rattling with the emotions you had been trying to kill off from the past two years.
You chew on the inside of your cheek, feel his fingers against yours, and your gaze flickers to his before going back to focusing on something to the side.Â
âThis is gonna sound stupid,â you preface, but his thumb presses into the palm of your hand, a small sign that he wasnât going to judge anything that came out of your mouth because he just showed you that he kept the first napkin you had ever given him.Â
âButâŚâ you drop your head into your hands, your voice muffled as you continue, âI see the girls that come up to you. O-or your ex. ViâŚright?â You peek up, and his eyes are slightly squinted, nodding slowly, as if he wants you to make your point before he says something, âAnd theyâre just soâŚugh, I donât knowâŚperfect? Like, they seem perfect for you. Either theyâre stunning, or theyâre in your major, or theyâre both, or justâŚso different, and I feel like IâmâŚnotâŚthat.âÂ
He blinks slowly, piecing this together with the fact that he asked you why you hadnât spoken up sooner, and his lips tug upwards in a little grin, one that makes you want to roll your eyes if not for the storm brewing inside of you, and he tugs you closer, one of his hands wrapping around your waist as he drops his head onto your chest.Â
âI think youâve got it backwards,â he says against you, his voice vibrating off of you, and you feel it shake you to your core, his hand moving up and down the expanse of your back as you hand unconsciously move upwards, back to his soft white locks, âBecause none of those girls could measure up to my perfect girl.â
You stop, glad he canât see the large smile on your face as you head falls backwards, thumping against the wood as your chest swells with joy, and when he looks up, his goofy grin could match yours, and you push him away by the cheek, but he just moves, kissing the palm of your hand as you laugh softly.
âYouâre so stupid,â you repeat, but he knows youâre only masking the giddiness you feel as he nods against your hand, his eyes shimmering and bright as he sits up a little straighter, nearly encompassing you with his body as he leans closer, his nose nudging yours as the two of you smile against each other's lips.Â
âYouâve got that right,â he whispers in the small space of air between you, âIâm such a fool for you.âÂ
You decide then that you donât give him any more time to talk or say something else that could turn your insides to mush, so you tug him down by his neck, his lips curling upwards as they press against yours.Â
He seems like heâs experimenting with kissing you, as if he knows youâre learning in real time, and has no qualms taking it slow. He lets you take the lead when you want, lets you dart your tongue out slightly, and opens his mouth to welcome you in. When you get a little shyer, he takes the initiative, hands roaming around your hips, pulling you into his lap as you mewl him again. When he could tell you needed some air, heâd pull away, kissing the corners of your lips, your cheeks that he loved so much, the edge of your brows that would pull into the cutest furrows whenever you were confused, and cherished you the way heâd been aching for ever since he saw you at that stupid English department banquet.Â
You chase the feeling of his skin on yours, the way his fingers feel when they trace your features, the way his hands run up your arms, the way his palm cups your jaw. Your hands seem to have a mind of their own, his as well, as they drop down to the drawstring of his trousers, running up the smooth and hard skin of his abs, feeling greedy as you run a finger down his delicious v-line. You feel him shuddering beneath you, and you grin evilly, your mouth water as you untie his pants, your fingers running over the white tufts of hair of his happy trail, and your shuffle around a little bit to help him as he tugs up the hem of his old band shirt that you donned, and you almost let out a whine when they suddenly stop, lashes fluttering open to see what he was going to do next.Â
His forehead drops onto yours, one of his arms pulling you closer to his chest, the other still cradling your face, and you see the way his face has gone pink, a light hue that you rarely see him in.Â
âJust so you know, this, em, this isnât how I wanted things to go.âÂ
You let out a stark laugh, your hands pressing against his as your fingers curl around his hair, tilting your head slightly to the side.Â
âYeah? How were things supposed to go?â You ask, trying not to sound too selfishly drunk on him as he shrugs, his lips pressing together as he divulges you in his own fantasies, things heâd only think about when it was the two of you together and heâd be wanting to confess his undying love for you while youâd be rambling on about John Milton or another one of your other favorite authors.
He looks shy, and you want to bite him, watching him gather up some of the courage you had kissed away as he takes one of your hands away from his arms, playing with your fingers as he pushes some of his tousled hair away from his face.
âWell, I was planning on telling you how crazy I am about you after this whole day I had planned out,â he starts, scratching the back of his neck as he turns a little red, âI had, erm, bought tickets to the museum youâve been wanting to go to,â he says, his eyes flickering from your face to the side as his head drops, and you nudge it back up as he chuckles, âThe one displaying the original copies of those old books you like so much.âÂ
He swallows, taking a deep breath, and then continues.Â
âAnd I wanted it to just be us, nobody else. I would have obviously read up on all the authors on exhibit, so I wouldnât look like a total idiot when, or if, you had come, and Iâd spend the entire time sweating and hoping you couldnât see.â You giggle, and he squeezes your hand, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of it in a soothing gesture. Your eyes drop, urging him gently to continue because you feel like youâre in a dream, and if he stops, youâre going to wake up from it.Â
âAfterwards, Iâd take you to this restaurant Iâve heard is good,â he grins boyishly, tongue poking in between his lips, âAnd when we were done, Iâd walk you back to your place andâŚtell you that I liked you then.âÂ
You canât stop smiling, and he canât stop either.Â
âJustâŚjust that you liked me?â you tease, humming as he shifts a little, his arms wrapping around your waist, âNot to beâŚselfish, or anything, but I feel like this way was so much more romantic with your little box of trinkets and your rambling.â He groans, pinching you lightly as you snicker, but he ultimately shakes his head, smoothing over the place he pinched with his soothing touch.
âNo, no,â he mutters, his face determined, as if he was recounting everything he had planned to say, âIâd tell you how much I liked the way you look when you start talking about your day,â his thumb brushes across your cheek, running across the soft hair of your brows, âAnd how much I like the way you care about everything you do and everybody around you. Iâd tell you that I really like it when you tell me about the book you just finished, and how much I admire your kind heart. Iâd tell you that IâŚI like how wonderfully weird you are, and how I wish I could be half as interesting as you are on a regular day. I would have told you how youâre always the first person I look for when I enter a room. AndâŚâ his shoulders rise and drop as he pulls you impossibly closer, âI would have really hoped that Suguru and Shoko were right about this because Iâd beâŚa little embarrassed if not.â
You hum, pretending to think as you twirl his white strands around your pointer finger even though you feel like youâre on fire and you canât breathe and everything feels like itâs burning in the best way possible, try not to freak out because the guy youâve been in love with basically just admitted the most amazing things to you, so you take a steadying breath, your head tilting as you smile.
âAnd what if I didnât want you to stop?â You feel heat blossom across your lungs when you hear his breathing hitch, âAfterâŚafter youâd do all of that?âÂ
He nods, surveying his different options as his blue eyes turn into a slightly different shade, as if they were dependent upon his emotions, and his hands turn a little heavier as they roam across your stomach, up across the skin of your ribcage, and they stop right under your bra.Â
âHmm, well, I wouldâve have asked you what you wanted to happen next,â his smile is wicked as his face drops down to your neck, leaving wet kisses until he ends up at your collarbone, right at the neck of your shirt as you nearly whine, feeling his teeth scrape just barely over the soft skin, âWhat is it you want, baby? What else would you want me to do?â
Your breathing stutters, and you arch your back a little, letting his nimble fingers fiddle with the clasp of your bra, giving you enough time to turn him down, but you donât; you want, no, need, for him to continue.Â
âI,â your breath lodges in your throat when he opens the clasps, helping you tug the straps down until your old ratty bra, the comfortable one that you were sure wouldnât matter being worn tonight because you never imagined something like this happening, but he doesnât care, setting it to the side as he wait patiently, menacingly, for you to find your words, âIâd probably ask you toâŚto come up.âÂ
He groans lightly, a mix between a guttural moan and a laugh.Â
âYeah?â Itâs not so much a question, but a confirmation as you nod, shivering when his hands move back upwards, your chest heaving as you feel his nimble and long fingers cup your tits, his fingers running over your nipples as your head falls to his shoulders, âThen what? What would I have done after I came up?âÂ
You go down, you want to say tauntingly, but donât have the willpower as his thumb flicks over a nipple, and you whine.Â
âEh, youâd, uh, Iâd, we, would probably end up onâŚon my bed and Iâd probably be wearing something cuter than this,â you try to say indifferently, and he rolls his eyes because you could be wearing faux feathers glued to the entirety of your body and heâd still think you were the most beautiful woman to ever exist, âAnd Iâd probably be a little more confident telling you what I,â you gulp audibly, your cheeks heating up, âWhat I want, seeing that you wouldnât have just seen me at my virtual lowest hours earlier.â And he chuckles, and it feels right, feels like this was meant to happen as his hands fall from your breasts, trailing down your stomach as you shuffle a little, moving to lie back on his pillow as he shuffles to, situating his body in between your thighs, waiting for your next command.Â
Satoruâs grin turns soft, like he knows what it is you want, but needs to hear you say it for him to feel okay doing the thing thatâs setting him alight. His hand moves, taking yours into his again and intertwining his fingers between yours.
â⌠what do you want, love?â His voice is thick, and it settles deep in your bones as your head falls, squeezing his fingers as you sheepishly mutter something, and he barely hears you, nudging you to say it a little louder as you groan in embarrassment, an arm flying over your face as your head falls back, not able to look him in the eyes as you timidly whisper;
âFor you, likeâŚto do stuff,â you murmur so quietly you think that your lips barely even moved, âToâŚto eat me out orâŚ.or whatever.âÂ
When he says nothing for a moment, you peek between your fingers and see his cheeks flushed, a shit-eating grin on his face as he sets his chin down on your stomach, his glasses crooked as his brow arched. He moves, gingerly tugs your arm away from your face, and sits down by your side as he presses a chaste kiss to your stomach.Â
âYeahâŚ.yeah, I think I can âeat you out or whateverâ,â he says, and you groan ever louder, flicking his forehead as he chuckles, taking your words as the sign to go, go, go, his fingers moving excruciatingly slow as they start to tug the waistband of your pants and boxers (his, again), down, looking up at you for a little assistance, and you lift your hips, allowing him to slide them down fully.Â
You blink, relaxing that youâre completely bare right now, but he doesn't give you any time to be self-conscious as his pupils seem to blow up with lust, hungrily eating up the way your pussy is glistening with want and need, his cheeks a fiery red as his chest moves in a large exhale, like the air had been knocked from him.Â
His hand raises upwards to take his glasses off, but you make a sudden movement, as if your body was functioning on autopilot, when your hands wrap around his wrist, stopping him from doing anything else.Â
âDonât,â your voice is barely above a whisper, âK-keep them on.âÂ
His white lashes flutter slightly, and he gives you one of his boyish smiles that you love so much, his teeth shining as he presses his lips to the inside of your wrist, nodding slowly as he pushes his glasses back on.Â
âIf I knew that waiting so long for you to tell me that you liked my glasses would have been when Iâm about to do this, I think I could have waited another couple of years more.â He says honestly, dropping himself down between your thighs, and your eyes flutter shut, head falling back on the pillow as you feel his warm hands slowly move up and up and up, parting you ever so slightly so he could situate himself better between them.Â
Your mouth parts when you feel his fingers move on the outside of your lips, collecting the slick, and you hold back a wanton moan, your hands flying up to his hair, tugging him closer. You watch as he pushes his glasses up by using his shoulder to move the frames up, and when his lips suddenly latch onto your clit you actually think youâve gone insane.
His tongue darts out, moaning like a whore when he finally gets to taste your saccharine taste, his eyes rolling back as he parts your lips, the sound greedy as he moves a thumb to circle your clit, moving down to run his tongue selfishly up and down your pussy for his own pleasure, needing to feel you or else he was going to go mad.Â
âYou taste,â his voice is muffled as he pants against your cunt, using a finger to move up and down the slit, âYou taste sweet,â he said it like he was startled, like he had spent hours and hours studying female anatomy and how to pleasure a girl and what to do, but never could have expected this unexpected turn, to taste you and realize that you were sweeter and more delicious than any candy heâs ever eaten before, âWhy do you taste soâŚso sweet?âÂ
You would laugh if you werenât so turned on, saying some jumbled-up words as he ducks down again, your fingers digging into his scalp as his thumb goes a little faster on your swollen nub, his long pointer finger rubbing at the outside of your pussy, getting ready to push it in.Â
When he finally does, your walls instantly clamp down on it, and you moan, not expecting the stretch, and he gives you some time to adjust. Itâs not like youâre a prude, youâve at least attempted this before, but your fingers arenât like Gojo Satoruâs, and you feel like you could come just from this.Â
âFeeling good, baby?â He questions, and you hurriedly nod, hearing him chuckle.
âYeah,â you stutter out, your teeth clenched as you feel his finger start to move out, and then your mouth falls open as he starts to slowly pump it in and out of you, a mind-bending pace that has you clenching around him, âFeels good.âÂ
He nods, taking it as confirmation to keep going, and he switches between a finger and his tongue, darting them inside of you. He keeps his pressure on your clit, and you grow impossibly wetter when he leans down to lay a cute little kiss on it, his glasses slowly fogging up.
Gojo Satoru eats you out like youâre his last meal, like heâs been living like Tantalus for his twenty years alive, and finally, the fruit tree doesnât move from his grasp, and heâs able to divulge like the greedy and sinful man he always has been.
Sometimes the hand thatâs occupying your clit moves upwards, pulling his old shirt up and over the expanse of your torso to see your supple skin shake beneath his large palms, and he cups your tits, groaning like a slut when he feels your nipples pebble, and he pinches them between his pointer finger and thumb, twisting a little to feel you squeal, and he grins, softening his touch as he smooths it over, moving back down to your nub as if nothing happened.Â
You watch from hooded eyes, watch the way his eyes close, like heâs savoring your taste. You see the way he slowly ruts into the mattress, like he was getting off to this, and the thought itself makes you gush even more.Â
When heâs satisfied that youâve adjusted to his one finger, he decides to slip another one in, and the size alone makes you whine, the stretch something that causes tears to dart in the corner of your eyes in delicious pain.Â
âHmm,â you moan, one of your hands fisting the sheets, the other tangled in his white hair as you guide him up and down, and you can swear you feel him smiling against you, as if your reactions were a symphony to his ears, âItâs not like I really have a metric butâŚyouâre good at this.âÂ
Satoru chuckles, looking up at you, and the sight knocks the air out of your lungs. His cheeks are flushed, wet in the dim lighting of the room, his glasses crooked, and his hair a mess, but he looks positively radiant as his smile flashes bright.Â
âI hope I am,â his voice is lower than youâve ever heard it, and it vibrates against your pussy, âIâve been studying.â
Despite feeling lightheaded, his statement chased you to come to your senses a bit, sitting up on your elbows as you looked at him through furrowed brows.Â
âStudying?â You parrot, and he nods eagerly, his thumb putting pressure on your sensitive and swollen clit as your mouth falls open in a silent moan, barely able to keep your eyes open as he explains.Â
âMhm,â he hums, his nose, the beautiful nose that you want to kiss all over, rubs expertly on the hood of your clit as he presses chaste, sloppy kisses to your cunt, âI read all these posts and books and papers about what the best way to eat a girl out,â his voice is hoarse, licking up and down your syrupy inner walls, his two fingers never stopping their relentless pace as something deep in your stomach begins to build up, âBrushed up on someâŚ.anatomy and the sorts.â
You let out a breathless laugh.Â
Because of course he had.Â
âYou,â your mouth clamps shut when he hits the spongy part deep inside of you that makes your toes curl, your lashes fluttering against your hot cheeks, and you canât talk correctly but make the attempt to, barely above a whisper as you mutter, âY-youâre insane.âÂ
He rolls his eyes, but doesnât deny it as his thumb swirls in figure eight patterns on your clit, his pointer and middle fingers curling upwards, and you canât really find it in yourself to chide him when heâs making you feel heavenly.Â
You feel like youâre unraveling at his skillful hands, and it definitely doesnât help that whenever you have the guts to open your eyes youâre met with the view of Satoru loosing himself in your cunt, as with each second that passed, he was going just as crazy as you were, and it felt like that familiar feeling of an orgasm building, but unlike anything youâve ever felt before.
Itâs almost like he knows, because he seems to go faster, switching between licking and his fingers, and your grip on him tightens, and he moans, welcoming the sting.
âCome on,â he presses, urging, needing you to finish around him, to taste your relief on his tongue, âCome on, baby, I know you wanna come.â
You nod, sweat dotting your forehead, your chest heaving up and down with labored breaths, that knot inside of you tightening as your thighs clamp down around his head, your walls pulsing around his fingers.
It gradually builds, but that feeling suddenly snaps, and you jolt, your back arching, moving into him, his fingers never stopping, his thumb and lips on your clit, suctioning in a perfect way that sends you over the edge. You clench tightly around him, creaming, spasming as you gush, your eyes rolling back in your head as you let out the quietest but sweetest moan, and when you feel your orgasms slow to a dull pulse, you fall back onto his mattress, limp as he doesnât stop instantly.Â
Instead, he lets his fingers slow down carefully, as if youâd get immediate withdrawal from the feeling of having him inside of you. He kisses your clit once, then twice, and pulls away, connected by a string of spit, slick and your cum, and when you finally have the energy to wring your eyes open, the sight of him wrecked form eating you out makes you even more wet.
You take a few moments to catch your breath, your chest heaving up and down, your hand falling away from his soft locks as it sprawls across your stomach, and you stare helplessly at the ceiling.Â
Blinking owlishly, you awkwardly scootch upwards until youâre resting on the back of the headboard, and you watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth, grinning coyly as he moans at the taste of you, and if you could, youâd pinch him, but you just weakly push him with your foot, looking away abashedly.Â
âNasty,â you whisper hoarsely, your voice gone, and he coos, crawling towards you, bringing his face towards yours as he nudges his nose with yours, and youâre weak, giving in as he hungrily presses his wet lips to yours.Â
You can taste yourself on him, and you mewl, feeling his tongue in your mouth, licking inside of you, wanting you to enjoy what he just enjoyed, and your shaking hands grip around his neck. He pulls away a little bit, biting your bottom lip before kissing it, and he rubs a loving thumb across your cheek, his eyes turning gentle as he peers at you through those ocean eyes through those stunning glasses you adore so much.
You donât trust your voice, so instead you let your hands unravel from his nape, moving upwards towards the expensive frames, straightening them on his nose, making sure they rest correctly on his pink ears, and he watches silently, reverently, as you push him back gently by the chin, making sure that they looked right on the bridge of his nose.
âHmm, looks better,â you whisper affectionately, kissing the tip of his nose like youâve always wanted, and that seems to push him over the edge, quickly wrapping his arms around your midsection as he pulls you closer to him, falling back on the bed as he tugs you into his chest, his head resting in the crook of your neck.Â
At that moment, you feel it, and your eyes blink rapidly from their hazy state as his hard-on pressed against your thigh.
âHey,â you murmur, poking his side, but he doesnât seem like budging, his overwhelming heat and size covering you, his thick arms not moving from caging you to him, and you canât even wrangle free, ââToru, what about you?âÂ
He doesnât even lift his head, just hums against the skin of your neck, his lips busy leaving hickeys all over it, ones youâre going to deeply regret in the morning but canât seem to care right now except for the boner youâre sure is deeply uncomfortable.Â
âWhat about me?â He dreamily replies, his voice barely audible, and you roll your eyes. From this angle, you can see the way his shirt is riding up, his abs on display, the veins leading downward prominent, and his trail of white hair is calling your name.Â
You wedge your hand in between your bodies as you press against his cock, the movement causing him to yelp and shudder, whimpering against you as you snicker, sure that now heâs going to give you some more undivided attention.
He sits up a little bit, resting his head on his fist, his elbow on his pillow as he peers down at you, his brow slightly cocked, not looking impressed with being tormented like this after treating you so kindly by giving you the best orgasm of your life.
âNot nice,â he reprimands warmly, poking your side as you yelp, his finger much more sturdy than yours, âYouâre not really supposed to grab dicks like that, yâknow?â
Your cheeks heat at his choice words, and you shrug, feigning innocence as you bring his hand to yours, admiring the large size a syou play with his fingers, feeling more touchy than usual, and youâre ever so glad that he lets you.
âIâm just saying,â you mumble, flashing him a look that sends a nonexistent punch to his gut, the blood rushing south because you look ethereal like this, âDonât you want me toâŚreturn to favor? Tit for tat?âÂ
He chuckles, his thumb moving across your eyebrow, soothing the furrow as it moves down to rub against your cheek.Â
âWe can do tat later,â he uses your terminology and you giggle, your lips pulling into a bright smile because youâre sitting in a post-orgasm afterglow with your crush, and that stupid theorem you had stressed over doesnât even matter anymore because the impossible outcome is happening right now and you donât bother with looking normal because youâre feeling anything but, âI still have a date I need to take you out on.âÂ
You try not to gush like an idiot, your head falling into his sturdy chest, and his hand moves up and down your back, tracing stars and circles and hearts and writing his name, as if he wanted everyone to see the invisible ink thatâs bleeding from his fingertips into you.
His finger hooks around your jaw, tilting your head upwards so he can see you better.Â
âYou wanna date me?â You ask breathlessly with dizzingly joy, the question holding no weight because the two of you already know the answer, but he indulges you, his head falling to yours, forehead against yours, glasses sitting perfectly on his perfect face thatâs pressing against your perfect one.Â
âI want to be yours,â he murmurs, vulnerability thick in his voice as your lashes flutter, âSo, yeah, I want to date you.âÂ
You giggle again, and you lift your head a little to slot your lips against his plush ones.Â
âI want to be yours too, Satoru,â you say, and he groans, his eyes rolling back like those were the only words heâs been dying to hear, and he lets out a victorious laugh, something happy and sickeningly sweet because the girl heâs been in love with for the past two years just so happens to love him back.Â
I'm freaking hungry @katherinepetrovawife - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag