"Watch over Cassandra, and Whitestone." That had been the instruction.
Trinket didn't know how to watch over Whitestone. It was a big city, he could never see all of it, even from the highest balcony in the castle.
Cassandra though, that was easier.
He didn't know what time it was, but it was certainly far too late. The stars had been out for hours, the moon was starting to lower, and everything was still. Trinket should have been fast asleep.
But he was not, because Cassandra was not.
They sat in the library, Trinket sprawled out on the rug while Cassandra sat on a chaise. She had her legs tucked up under her while she turned the pages of a book in her lap. She was wearing a dressing gown and still had a bandage across her forehead. She looked... vulnerable. That was the word. She didn't show as much skin as mama did.
She turned another page before stifling a yawn against her hand. Trinket raised his head. He made a soft grumbling noise. You need to go to bed.
Cassandra looked at him and smiled softly. "I know boy, I know. Five more minutes." She yawned again and went back to her book. He stood and took a step forward. He placed his snout on top of the pages. You are tired.
She sighed. "I'll go to my quarters soon, I promise." She scratched behind his ears with a soft touch Percy didn't possess. "It's just been... hard to sleep lately," she continued. "Oh, you're a bear, what do you know about nightmares?"
Mama gets them. He gave Cassandra his saddest, most empathetic look.
"There is just... so much on my mind. I failed Whitestone." Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "But the dreams always go back to the past. How unfair is that?" She closed her book and continued petting him like he was grounding her.
I think you're very good, Trinket said, because he didn't know what else to say. She couldn't seem to understand him anyway. Mama only could some of the time.
"Okay, okay," she finally said, wiping at her eyes. "You're right, I'm keeping you from your beauty sleep." She stood and carried the book back to the shelf, sliding it into place. Her fingers lingered on the spine for a few extra moments before she turned and walked away. Trinket pushed the door open with his nose.
He led the way to Cassandra's familiar quarters. For a moment she stopped, hand on the doorknob of her study.
No. To your bed with you, child. He turned around and nosed at her hipbone. She laughed softly but there wasn't much humor in it.
"If only you could sign off on paperwork for me." She pet his head, and they finished the walk to her room. She collapsed on her back into her bed, the covers still unmade from that morning. Trinket flopped down on the floor next to her. She stared at the ceiling like she was contemplating.
Copper for your thoughts? Sleep sounded nice, Cassandra's voice sounded nicer. Like Mama's when she was much younger.
"I do not know how to protect the ones I loved. I failed my people, how long until I fail Percival too? I wish Mum were here, or Vesper..." She sighed heavily, and Trinket suspected she was tearing up again. Her blinks turned heavy and slow. "Nevermind, it is too late for this talk. Sweet dreams, Trinket."
She blew out the candle beside her bed and drifted off on top of the covers.
Cassandra de Rolo was twelve years old the first time she got to go to a ball.
She was also twelve years old the first time she got drunk.
She spent her entire life sitting at the top of the stairs, straining to hear the sounds of laughter and music and footsteps on the sparkly floor. She would sit on Vesper's bed the next evening and listen to her rant and rave about how Fallon wore a dress from last season and Adam looked at her like she was the only girl in the room while they danced and one of the butlers dropped a whole platter of canapés.
Percy told her it was boring. Julius said she would get trampled out there. Vesper promised she would have fun.
Cassandra had always been a hands-on learner.
She made a note to tell Vesper she was a liar. This dress was itchy, her hairpins were stabbing her, and the room was too loud. She scanned the crowd, looking for anyone who wasn't practically a decade her senior. She pouted softly to herself until her eyes landed on Percival being a wallflower directly opposite her.
They made eye contact and she raised her eyebrows. He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment before signing and rolling them. He pushed off the wall and made his way towards her.
"Not everything you hoped for?"
"Why do you get to wear pants but I am forced to look like a miniature Vesper?"
Percy shrugged. He opened his mouth to answer, but Julius appeared in front of them from seemingly nowhere. He said something to Percy about being a loser and dragging their sister down. Percy didn't have a chance to respond again, because Julius was grabbing their hands and pulling them to a table of drinks. He grabbed two goblets off the end of the table and thrust them into each of their hands.
"Drink, then stop being buzz kills."
They didn't hesitate much, and soon the room was a lot less loud. Cassandra looked around with new eyes. Everything was sparkly. She took Percy's hands and dragged him to the dance floor.
They waltzed poorly, repeatedly stepping on each other's shoes. Cassandra's brand new heels became scuffed and mother would surely throw a fit later, but right now Cass couldn't bring herself to care.
At some point, Vesper took her from Percy and began twirling her around.
"You look like you're having fun, darling," she said smiling. Cassandra squeezed her gloved hands.
"I am!" She giggled for longer than was appropriate. She looked up at Vesper just as the room started to spin. Suddenly all she could feel was an overwhelming dizziness. Her smile must have faded, because Vesper's face became concerned.
"Cassandra?"
"I... Ihavetogo!" Cassandra dropped her hands and went sprinting from the ballroom, making it to the corridor outside before collapsing against the wall. She blinked a few times, then saw two faces standing over her.
"Percival, is she drunk?!"
Percy's response was intelligible to Cass as she groaned, her head pounding.
"Are you drunk?!" Vesper shrieked again, this time directed at Percy.
"Nnnoooo..." Percy whined like a child, it was almost enough to make Cassandra giggle if she weren't feeling so awfully.
"Percival Frederickstein."
"It was Julius!" he confessed. "We didn't know!"
Vesper rolled her eyes hard enough that even Cassandra could see with her swimming vision. "That rascallion," she said, shaking her head. She looked like mother in this lighting, with her makeup done and her hair pinned up and that soft frown on her face even though she was only twenty-one. She sighed. "I'll cover for you two from mum and dad, but you both owe me."
Cassandra nodded very seriously before vomiting into the nearest potted plant.
The door handles have been modified so Trinket can come and go as he pleases. Cassandra knows that, logically.
That doesn't stop her brain from not knowing where she is when she wakes up to warmth nosing at her neck. Her nightgown exposes her neck. The room is so dark. She feels teeth, she must feel teeth, he must be back, he's on her neck and soon she'll feel it, the blood leaving her body and the draining of all her energy along with it leaving only violation in its wake.
It's been so long since this has happened, she doesn't remember what she's supposed to do, all the things they taught her to be good. So, she screams.
She doesn't know how many minutes pass between the scream and more light rushing into the room from the hallway. The feeling is off her neck. Why did he stop? She whimpers and tears fill her eyes, but she can't let them fall. She gets punished when they fall.
There are voices, far off, but she can't make out what they're saying. Sylas and Delilah, certainly. She's in trouble. She's in so much trouble.
"Cass?" Someone comes over and sits on the bed next to her, but doesn't touch her. "Cass, can you talk to us?" The voice sounds underwater, like a cliche. With a trembling hand, she pulls the top quilt up over her head to muffle her own cries.
Someone reaches for Cass's hand when she doesn't respond, and she flinches hard so they let go. She is hyper aware of the footsteps approaching her bed, the sound of a match striking and lighting a candle on her bedside table, the soft sigh of a Lady. The bed dips and the blanket is pulled away from her head.
"Sit her up, dear. She's closing off her airways," Delilah's voice, clinical but warm. Sylas obeys, sliding an arm under her back and forcing her to sit up. Cassandra gasps for anything to fill her lungs. Air, water, blood, it would all be the same to her. Her back is being rubbed up and down, but she can only feel where the sensation passes over her worst scars.
The bed dips, then Delilah is sitting in front of her, reaching for her hands. Cassandra lets her take them but doesn't clasp back.
"Cassandra, I need you to listen to my voice. You're safe, you have been for a long time. Tell me where you are." She keeps her voice gentle but firm. She realizes it's been so long since she heard Delilah. Safe? That doesn't seem right. Someone was at her neck minutes ago.
Cass closes her eyes and shakes her head, trying to shake all the bad images away. "You- with you."
"And who am I, dear?"
Why was she asking so many questions? To torment her? More tears pour down her cheeks.
"Open your eyes," Delilah instructs, but softly. "Look at me, you can do it." She doesn't grab for her face like Delilah should. Cassandra can't keep herself from obeying; it's ingrained so deeply in her bones. Her eyes open, baby blue drowned out by tears.
She blinks a few times, and Delilah's face shifts. In the candlelight, her skin is darker. Her hair lighter, ever so slightly. Braided, not done up. Her eyes are dark brown and kind. Out of the corner of her eye, Cassandra sees the other figure sitting with her. His hand has stilled on her shoulder. Shock white hair and lopsided glasses.
Percy.
"D-De- Vex," she finally chokes out. "Vex'ahlia."
Vex smiles, her shoulders dipping with relief. She squeezes her hands. "That's right, Cassandra. Do you know where you are?"
Cass slowly looks around more, eyes tracking each and every shadow as it melts around the room. She's still breathing too hard for comfort. "My room?" Her voice comes out small, nothing like a Lady's.
"Yeah, where is your room?" Vex rubs her thumb over the back of her hand.
She whimpers as she responds "C-castle."
Percy smiles softly. "Good job, you're right."
Vex nods. "Yes, you're in the castle. You're in Whitestone, and it's safe now. Your family is with you." Percy pulls her in to press a kiss to the top of her head, and Cassandra finally breathes evenly.
"My family... You, you and Percy."
"That's right, Cassie," they say in unison, and it makes Cassandra crack a soft smile. She hasn't heard that nickname in so long, not since... not since she was twelve years old and Julius was messing up her hair as soon as Vesper finished making it pretty for the ball.
Percy scoots closer to fully wrap an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to lay against him. "It was just Trinket trying to love you, dearest."
She finally looks over and sees the oversized bear sitting on her rug like the family dog.
"Oh."
Vex laughs softly. Cassandra suddenly wonders how she ever could have thought she was Delilah, looking up at her with shiny eyes, still holding her warm hand.
"I... I don't know where my head went."
Percy ruffles her hair. "It's okay, you're back now."
"And we can stay right here, if you want us to," Vex says before stifling a yawn. That triggers Cassandra to do the same. She nuzzles her head slightly so it fits right under Percy's chin.
The cushy castle life has the most effect on Trinket, surprisingly.
They know he's been getting too much salmon when Cassandra finds him stuck in the doorway of the master bedroom. They blink at each other for a moment, before she sighs and goes downstairs.
"Vex, I believe your bear has gotten.... rather large," Cassandra says, the first thing she said walking into the dining room for breakfast
"Larger than he's always been?" Percy asks.
"It certainly seems so."
Vex takes the stairs quickly to reach her bear. When she sees him jammed into the door, she covers her mouth with her hand like a lady, but is smiling. "Oh, Trinket..." He grumbles sadly and looks up at her. He no longer wears his armor, and rolls of bear spill out around where he's lodged in the frame.
Using the amulet, she pulls him out and redeposits him in the hallway. She sighs. "We've got to get you on a diet, don't we boy?"
"Yes," Cassandra says. Percy just rolls his eyes.
Instead of putting him on a diet, Vex has the doorways enlarged to fit him. She's already had the doorknobs replaced with levers he can open, what's one more modification?
Cassandra can't get to her room one night because there's a damn construction crew in the hallway. She appears in the doorway of Percy's study, startling him when he doesn't notice her until she speaks.
"Did we really have to do all of this for the bear?" she asks.
"Yes, he's part of the family, sister," Percy replies, going back to his newest project. She rolls her eyes and walks into the room, sitting down on top of his desk. He mumbles something that might be "get down", but she doesn't listen.
"At his current size, I would say he's a whole family himself."
Percy stifles a laugh at that, and Cassandra smirks.
"There is simply a lot of him to love," Percy responds.
"And a lot of him to whack for taking up my precious space," she says without missing a beat.
"Cassandra, do not whack the bear." She hops off the table (using Percy's shoulder as a brace to do so) and is walking out before he can register that she didn't respond. He blinks a few times, then runs to the doorway. "DONT WHACK THE BEAR!!!"
"No promises!"
"VEX'AHLIA IS GOING TO KILL ME I AM SO SERIOUS!! CASSANDRA!!"
But she's already turning the corner in the hallway, giggling to herself.
(She's not gonna whack the bear but she likes the idea that Percy thinks she will. Minorly stressing him out is fun for her.)
It's sometime in the 21st century and the city is Albany, New York. Percival de Rolo is twenty-two years old. He has a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend, and a dead family. It's fine, he's coping.
Oh yeah, and he's currently in a legal battle to retain custody of his only surviving sister after their aunt and uncle were arrested for child abuse.
She's been living with them for several weeks now and her walls are slowly coming down. She maintains an early bedtime because that's what Delilah liked her on. Percy and Vex don't mind, because they get all the alone time in the world once she's off to bed.
Once a week, they sit down at the kitchen island under a flickering light bulb and share a pint of ice cream straight from the container while they just talk. It's nice. It keeps them sane, keeps things light in between all the stress they can't seem to escape from.
It's during this ritual one night when Cassandra interrupts.
The clock reads 12:03. It's far too late for her to still be awake, but here the seventeen year old stands, one hand rubbing her eye at the intrusive kitchen light. She can't sleep. She's so tired that she's practically delirious. She doesn't quite know where she is or who she's looking for.
"Couldn't sleep," she mumbles quietly.
Percy smiles softly and beckons her over. "Come here, Cassie." The old nickname slips out, but the girl doesn't flinch. Instead she obeys without hesitation, and Percy vaguely sees Vex register that and frown around her spoon across the counter.
She pads across the tile with socked feet, silent like any one wrong move will make the floor creak and get a switch landed across her back.
Percy pulls Cassandra into his lap. She's small, even though she's almost grown. She fits there easily, like they were made to be the two who survived. He picks up his spoon and gets a small bite on it before offering it to Cass.
She allows him to feed it to her, vague curiosity in her eyes. Percy expects her to be pleased, but instead she recoils. She rolls her teeth on her tongue in an attempt to get the flavor off.
Vex chuckles. "Not into-" she looks at the carton "-cotton candy marshmallow swirl? Percy, what the hell is this?" she asks, despite the fact that she's been eating it for several minutes now.
"You like it," Percy says, a little pointedly. "But she doesn't seem to." He looks back down at his sister. "What sweets do you like, Cass?"
Her eyebrows furrow. "I... don't know," she says, the first thing she's spoken at more than a whisper since she bid them goodnight hours ago. Her voice sounds laced with sleep that won't come and deeply childish.
"Oh come on," Vex says. "Every kid likes sweets." She takes another bite of the ice cream.
"I don't eat them," Cassandra replies.
"You don't eat sweets? Like, any at all?" Vex raises an eyebrow.
Cassandra seems to shrink in on herself, and Vex bites the inside of her cheek. "She said... They were bad for my teeth. And I have good teeth." She speaks quietly, as if she's afraid of being heard, like talking about the Briarwoods is something she'll be punished for. Percy just squeezes her hand.
"Nonsense. There is such a thing as toothpaste, you know?" he teases. He thinks about all the candies his younger siblings used to use like bartering chips. He wonders if Cassandra even remembers that version of their lives anymore.
"We should fix that," Percy continues lightly. "But not right before bed." He sets the spoon down and pets back her hair that has been messed up by tossing and turning in her bed. She curls up against his chest in his lap.
"Do you want to sleep in our bed tonight, darling?" Vex asks as Percy holds her and rubs her back.
She stiffens in his arms but doesn't raise her head. "Do you not like that idea?" Percy asks softly. She shakes her head and bites her lip, prompting him to sigh and kiss the top of her head.
Vex puts the lid on the ice cream. "Would you like to fall asleep with us on the couch and then we can take you to your bed?" she offers.
She slowly looks up at Vex and then nods. Something about the open space of their living room is weirdly comforting. Percy carries her to the couch and gets comfortable with her, wrapping a blanket over her and then Vex when she sits down next to them. Vex turns the TV on, something not too intense at low volume.
It doesn't take Cassandra long to fall asleep as she listens to Percy's heart beat.
Bonus:
"Looks like she's out," Vex whispers a couple minutes later.
"Do you think she'll mind if we just hold her a little longer?"
Vex sweeps some strands of hair in Cassandra's face. "I certainly don't mind."
Vex loves almost nothing more than watching Percy being nurturing towards Cassandra. It brings out a tenderness in him she's never seen before, and she could fall asleep right there dreaming about all the wonderful things that could bring out that side of him in the future.
Eventually Vex yawns and Percy takes that as his cue to carry Cass back to bed so he and Vex can get to bed themselves. Tomorrow is a new day to take one step at a time.
The shift happens somewhere between Cassandra throwing up on the floor first thing in the morning and being eased back down into her bed by cool hands. She's so warm, and everything is spinning, and she's crying so hard she can't really breathe, but she blinks and Vesper is standing above her, tucking back her hair. It's been so long. Why has it been so long?
"Oh darling..." Her sister says, voice full of softness Casc can cling to.
"I'm fine," she croaks out. "i just... need some help cleaning that up." There are still things to do, meetings to attend, something about a ball? She doesn't remember. There is just an overwhelming feeling that she can't stay in bed.
"Dear, you are not fine." More stroking over her hair. More soft touches that melt Cassandra into the pillows against her better judgement. Vesper touches her face again with the backs of her knuckles and Cassandra doesn't have the energy to argue. Her eyes have been closed the whole time.
"I will clean this up and help clean you up, but then you're staying in bed today."
Cassandra whimpers. "You... you don't need to do that."
"Shhh... don't argue with me, I think you'll find it doesn't go your way," Vesper says softly.
Cass's face falls into a deep, weak pout. "I'm supposed to be the leader."
"And I'm supposed to be your big sister. Hush." Vesper presses a kiss to her forehead and Cass closes her eyes. She tries to reach for Vesper's hand, but she can't find it. Vesper was always so observant... she takes Cassandra's hand and squeezes tightly, then begins to help her up. Cassandra opens her eyes again, but she's only vaguely aware that they're moving towards the bathtub.
She hears Vesper running the water, then her hands are gently helping pull off her nightgown. Cassandra doesn't really like taking her clothes off or being exposed, but for once the scars don't ache. Vesper's eyes don't rake over her like she's a display, instead she simply helps her into the water. It's warm-ish, and Vesper's hands are cold. Cassandra keeps ahold of them.
She gets Cass settled in the water and blows out a few candles to help with the headache. "Do you want me to stay with you, darling?" Vesper asks, kneeled down by the tub.
Cassandra thinks about it, but she already made up her mind the second Vesper walked into her bedroom. She nods, barely biting back another whimper. She knows Vesper is smiling without having to open her eyes as she rests her head against the side of the porcelain tub.
Vesper's hands move with certainty. She makes sure all the vomit is washed off, pours warm water over her when she shivers, squeezes her hands when her fever starts to take over and she forgets where she is.
"It's been so long since we've had times like this, Vesper," the words leave her mouth before Cassandra can stop them. If Vesper stiffens, she must have imagined it. She opens her eyes and blinks up at her big sister, and everything is a little blurry but it feels safe. Vesper smiles and kisses the top of her head.
When the bath is done and Cassandra is cleaned and changed, they move back into her bedroom. The mess from earlier has been cleaned as well. Vesper tucks her into bed under the heavy quilts.
"Vesper? Will you stay with me?" Cass asks, softly. "You never have time to anymore..." She knows she is whining like a child, but isn't she one?
Vesper brushes her hair out of her eyes. "Of course I will, darling. Who could ever leave you?" Her words are so gentle in the way they wash over Cassandra. She clings to them as sleep takes her. Vesper's got her. It's all okay.
[Later, Vex'ahlia will sit in bed with Percival, and talk about the state of Cassandra. Her fever has broken but she still lays asleep in her chambers, an old stuffed bear tucked in her arms and a big alive bear laid on her floor.]
"She called me Vesper. I just... played along. Oh Percy, I'm ever so sorry."
He considers that for a moment. It feels wrong to him to look at Vex as his dead older sister, but this is about Cass, his living and very sick little sister.
"I... suppose I'm not sure what I'd have done differently. Thank you, for taking care of her."
"Even if I am not truly her big sister, I'd like to be something close to it."
"Well you are family now, so I'm sure she'll come around to you in time."
It's late at night, a little after midnight, when there's a knock at Percy and Vex's door.
They've been back in Whitestone for just a day. They aren't asleep, just talking quietly and enjoying having each other back. Their conversation is soft, maybe a little flirty in the way that comforts them, reminds them they are alive again and it's all over.
They exchange a look, but before they can answer, they hear:
"I hope you two are decent," the person on the other side of the door mumbles quietly. The door opens, and Cassandra stands there in her dressing gown, a hand over her eyes that she's squinting through. She relaxes a fraction of a percent when she confirms that yes, the couple is clothed. She lowers her hand and grabs the door frame, as if needing something to hold onto.
"I-um... I just got done with... work, and- Lady Vex, if I could- I mean it's just I have not gotten any alone time with my brother and-"
Vex is already smiling to herself and climbing out of the bed. She kisses Percy's cheek as Trinket lifts his head and stands to follow her. She walks past Cassandra and squeezes her shoulder.
"He's all yours, darling."
She steps out as Cassandra takes another few steps in, and the door shuts once Trinket has lumbered out as well. The room is still.
"Oh, Cass," Percy says fondly, breaking the uncomfortable awkwardness that seems to follow Cassandra in all the moments where she isn't royalty. She rushes to climb into the space where Vex had been. She seems almost breathless at first, hesitating and worried, but then he smiles at her.
"I know we are not a very physical family, but-" she starts, but he shakes his head.
"Come here, sister." He pulls her into his arms and she clings tightly, laying her head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat that was so absent for so long. In that moment she isn't Lady Cassandra, she is simply a little sister. Percy's little sister, who is scared of nothing and everything. He's forgotten how much he needs her the longer she stays curled up in his embrace.
Cassandra de Rolo had one friend in her childhood that wasn't related to her.
She was eleven years old the day she ran from the castle and found an apple tree to climb up into. Nobody was paying attention to her, nobody would play with her. She sat in the tree, ranting aloud to no one as she took aggressive, overdramatic bites of an apple to throw her feelings into something tangible.
"It's like, they don't even care that I exist!"
She was interrupted by a second voice.
"Who are you talking to?"
Cassandra looked down from her perch on the branch. A girl, with long dark hair, maybe a few years older than she. Looking at her, paying attention to her, curious about her inner world. Her smile was a little creepy, but Cassandra had never been afraid of much.
She startled a little bit but not enough to fall out of the tree. "Who wants to know?"
The village girl waved. "My name is Matilda. I talk to myself sometimes too."
Cassandra smiled. "Cassandra." She reached up and grabbed another apple out of the tree, then held it towards Matilda. "Care to join me?"
The girl beamed and moved to take her up on her offer. Matilda was not as good at climbing trees as little tomboy Cass is, so it took her a few attempts as she trips over her skirts, but finally she rester on the branch, next to the royal as if they were equal, as if they were just two girls.
Cass handed her the apple. "None of my family will play with me," she said. Matilda frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't even have any family to play with."
"I can play with you," Cassandra said, even though she was not meant to mingle with the village children. She was to be kind to them, but they were not her peers. Matilda looked a lot like a peer to her.
For two years, they regularly met at the tree. Sometimes they would venture out farther, when Cassandra was sure her family was all too busy to notice she was gone. They played with dolls and made crafts in Matilda's damp and dreary attic. Cass didn't mind, for she had given her dolls all to Whitney, and a part of her missed them terribly. She was too old to play with toys anymore, but Matilda was older than her, and she still did, so Cassandra indulged herself.
Cassandra was thirteen when she made a suggestion.
"We should run away together."
"Why would you ever leave such a perfect place? You have a wonderful life, Cassandra."
"There's more for both of us than what's here in Whitestone."
"I am not so sure about that."
Cassandra groaned. "I beg you to just think about it."
Matilda agreed, and Cassandra went home for dinner.
A week later, they saw each other again.
They were in the tree again, sharing bites of a single fruit as Cass lamented about how the apples would be gone soon because it was approaching winter. And then she started whining about how Whitney stole all her candy so the fruit are the only sweet things she gets.
"It must be nice to have siblings to fight with," Matilda said.
"It simply is not," Cassandra replied. "They are all the bane of my existence."
"I'm sure one day, you'll feel happy to have them," Matilda said. Cassandra hummed. She loved having Matilda around, she was like the sister she always wanted. Vesper was too old and Whitney wass too young, at 23 and 6. She loathed being the exact middle child.
Matilda wished she could live in the castle with Cass. Cassandra wished she could live with her instead, even though her parents said the poor kids like her are undesirable. "Being rich isn't all that great," she told Matilda. "All my parents care about is reputation."
"Don't they love you dearly?"
"I mean... They do, but they do not show it often. Father is so busy and mother has too many children to split her time between. I wish I were an only child, like you."
"So you've said before."
Cassandra sighed and rolled her eyes. All she ever heard was why can't you be more like Vesper? Be sweeter like Whitney. Be smarter like Percy. Be proper like Vesper. Be calm like Julius. Be an example for the little ones. Be different be different be different.
She had no one else to listen to her, so she told Matilda.
"You're lucky your parents don't have a brood of other, better versions of you to compare you to."
Matilda frowned. Maybe Cassandra had a little bit of a point.
"It can be lonely, though."
"Having them makes you lonely too," Cassandra replied.
They sat in silence for a long time after that. Cassandra scooted a little closer to her and took her hand. "But we have one another now."
Matilda smiled softly at her.
Eventually Percy came yelling for Cassandra. She rolled her eyes and jumped down out of the tree, telling Matilda all the while I'll see you later. She ran up to Percy, taggged him, and then raced him to the castle (much to his chagrin).
Matilda just stared off as they run into the castle.
Later never came. The next day, the de Rolos were dead. The de Rolos were dead and Matilda could have run away with her, could have saved her friend, but she didn't, because she was a coward. And now Cassandra de Rolo was dead.
(Five years on, there would be a dinner. Matilda would sit and look at a girl who had the same face as her best friend, but Cass de Rolo was dead. The sick imitation of her they called Cassandra Briarwood was not her friend. She couldn't be. Her friend had died with the last of the fruit on the trees.)
The first thing she did was close off the doors to the dining room.
She couldn't stand to think about it, to see and smell and touch the room where her family had been slaughtered. So Cassandra shut the doors, then a day later placed boards over them. She nailed them in place herself. It didn't look regal or professional, it looked like an attempt to put back together the pieces of her broken heart.
She eats most of her meals alone in her study, if she eats at all. She's so so busy, there isn't time for silly things like food or rest when there is so much to do and so much to atone for if she ever hopes to make up for a scrap of the agony she has caused.
The first time Percy visited after the occupation, she realized she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten a meal at a table. Potentially never, if shovelling bread from the kitchen counter into her mouth at four in the morning after realizing she was going to vomit if she didn't eat didn't count. But he didn't mind sitting on the floor in one of the sitting rooms, watching the fire as they ate from the plates in their laps.
Still, he suggested she get a table. Cassandra thought they had a perfectly fine one in the council chamber. Percy told her that wasn't an acceptable place to put guests for a dinner. And so they combed the castle to found a spot that could become a new dining room. Dining Room: Under New Management, if you will. It was a room off the kitchen where the children had grown up eating breakfast, fighting over fresh berries and spilling cream on the floor.
By the next time Percy visited, bringing his friends with him, there was a proper dining space. They all sat around the table and shared soup and stories of adventure. Grog passed scraps to the bear, Scanlan lacked any semblance of table manners, Keyleth profusely complimented the chef, Vex stole bites off Vax's plate, Pike and Percy cleared all the dishes after the meal before Cassandra could move to do it herself. It was almost comforting, almost a family.
It was just like everything in the new version of Whitestone she was clawing together. Almost like home, but not quite.
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
areudirty
dailybridgerton
turnnoffyourmind