#unserious

[weirdmarsupial]

Found a local fiber arts group to hang out with. By which I mean I'm weaving on my balcony surrounded by three big orb weavers' webs

[ohclaire]

You had cold hands. Was something you’d dealt with for a while, but after meeting the team and realizing not everyone lived like this…well whatever happened next, you considered to be karmic revenge.

“No! No, love please! I’ll do anything, just put those away!” Kyle stood before you with his hands out placatingly, vulnerable in just a towel around his waist after a shower.

You were approaching, hands out to place on his neck. “I’m sorry it had to be this way, Kyle.” You say with no remorse in your voice as you back him into a corner.

The screech he lets out once your hands make contact is not dignifying, but it does attract the attention of the others.

Johnny bursts into the room confused, your head whips around, gaze narrowing on a new target.

“No! Johnny! Save yourself while you still can!” He’s sliding down the wall like you shot him.

Johnny understands the situation quickly, fleeing from the room and leaving the door swinging in his wake. You let out a, frankly, evil giggle before following. He’s trying to seek refuge in the rec room, but you’re fast approaching. You tackle him onto the couch, sliding your hands under his shirt and onto the warmth of his chest.

His screech is somehow even more pathetic. You look up to see Simon and John watching in horror.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe. For now.” You flop your head back onto Johnny’s chest as you warm up. You’ll get them when they least expect it later.

It comes when you’re on the couch later, watching a movie. Like always, your extremities are cold. You decided to help yourself to the excess of warmth the boys are emitting, sliding your hands behind Simon’s back and into his shirt, and then your feet under John’s thighs.

Simon’s back arches off the couch trying to escape the icicles you call hands.

“Jeeesus, sweet’eart!”

Balance has been restored to the world. The real love language is thermodynamic equilibrium.

[sockiepuppetry]

Do you think Slenderman and Batman would fist fight eachother for an edgy orphan?

Slenderman's proxys are just his Robins if you think about it.

[floweycidal]

wyd if the Roaring Knight pulls out their iPhone X and your best friend's device instantly starts chirping

[quartzitecamellia]

when i said men are hotter crying and covered in blood this isn't quite what i had in mind

[future-violent-things]

2022 meme format lolz

[thereisnoplan]

This morning I made a Star Trek fake in-universe pamphlet about interspecies intimate relationships because, given the sheer amount of people from different species and societies fucking in this franchise, I think this definitely exists in some form in-universe.

The full document for printing is the following (print double sided, changing side along the short edge):

In my head, this started at the Academy as a PSA for cadets but it soon started to be distributed on starships and space stations as well.

[full plain text under cut]

Interspecies Intimacy Guide

A few things to take into consideration when thinking about intimate relationships with members of other species and cultures

Introduction

Interspecies relationships of any kind are very enriching experiences, but for them to go smoothly all parties need to be respectful and communicate properly.

This is especially true for intimate relationships, which come with their own set of challenges and can be very different from culture to culture.

For this reason, it is important to take a moment to examine some of these concerns. Obviously, the solutions and preferences will vary vastly from individual to individual, there is no “one size fits all” answer to any of these questions, but that is why it is important to consider them carefully.

This pamphlet focuses mainly on sexual intimacy, but many of these principles can also be applied to other forms of physical contact, from cuddling to combat training, and even to forms of mental intimacy for species that use telepathy.

Research

Before engaging in intimate activities with someone from a species you are unfamiliar with, doing some research is a good idea. Try to cover these two topics:

Anatomy: knowing some basic anatomy can avoid surprises and help you be prepared.

Social rules surrounding intimacy: you should never assume someone’s ideas or desires just because they are part of a certain culture, but knowing the basic customs of their society can make communication easier.

If there is no information regarding these topics for a certain species on Federation databases and you have had intimate relations with a member of said species, consider contacting the Biology and/or Anthropology departments to contribute anything you might have learnt. This information will be collected anonymously.

Communication and consent

Communication is always essential, but even more so in interspecies relationships. Be as clear and specific as possible, as the things that you assume as obvious might be completely unheard of for your partner(s), and ask for clarification if needed.

Different cultures have different ways of expressing consent. To avoid confusion, you should seek (and give, when you want to) explicit and enthusiastic verbal consent when engaging in intimate activity.

You might want to use a safeword with your partner(s). If you are using the universal translator to communicate, make sure your safeword is a word without ambiguities in translation between your languages, as automatic translation can sometimes miss specific nuances and translate a word as a synonym instead of the specific one you have agreed upon, especially if the word is said out of context. Scientific terminology can usually avoid this problem.

Health concerns

Even if you think the species you are engaging in intimate activity with is not compatible with yours for reproduction, contraceptives are always a good idea: better safe than sorry. If applicable, preservatives are generally a good practice with humanoids, as long as you make sure the material is suitable for all participants.

Communicate openly with your partner(s) about contraceptive methods and avoiding disease transmission before engaging in any intimate practice. Also, make sure none of your bodies or bodily fluids contain any substances that could potentially be toxic or harmful to the other participant(s).

If anything feels wrong during or after the activity, go to a doctor as soon as possible. Do not feel embarrassed: whatever has happened, the doctor has probably seen something weirder before. 

Back cover

If you have any further questions or concerns, ask a doctor, if possible the physician you regularly visit or an expert on the topic or species you have questions about.

This document is part of the Starfleet Academy sexual education initiative. For more information, please contact the initiative leader in the Biology department.