katherine

California, '92 By grace, through faith, in Christ

[katherinezhang]

[katherinezhang]

Waiting at the Teguc airport for my flight back to the States. God's perfect timing and sovereignty is the only comfort to my sad sad heart right now haha. I'm going to miss my new family more than they probably know but "we do not say goodbye, we say until we meet again, whether it's here or in Heaven." Till we meet again. Got a million thoughts running through my head right now. Full debrief post coming soon!

[katherinezhang]

The last week has been quite the eventful one! Said goodbye to two lovely fellow interns and sisters as they returned back to the States (shoutout to Lydia and Sidney for making this experience so much more amazing. Wouldn’t have been nearly the same without them. Miss you girls!), said hello to a new intern Lauren!, ate some more bomb food ($1.50 baleadas…yes please), went back to the Valley of Angels for some shopping, and continued brigades with another team, which of course consists of more soccer, optometry and silly selfies. This week so far has just been so good. The team is incredibly welcoming, fun and most importantly they love the Lord and his people and you can definitely see that. It’s so encouraging to be around people who are like-minded in the Kingdom and witness their immense love for others that is powered through Christ's love for them. Can't believe I'm going home soon.... It's going to be hard to leave.

[katherinezhang]

Family.

[katherinezhang]

God has been revealing to me the longer I’m here that my sin is so invasive. During my first few weeks I relied so much on the change of environment to change my heart and miraculously grow me in compassion. However, when serving the same way every single day, the novelty wears off and so does my newfound compassion for the people. I came into this internship wanting to shed my romanticized view of the mission field and didn’t realize l needed to shed my romanticized view of the Honduran people too. But God has been putting my sin on full display. This week I found myself getting more frustrated during brigade days when patients would be ungrateful or when they would try to take advantage of us for goods (which actually happens a lot). But God is using my sin to make me realize that regardless of our backgrounds, Honduran or North American, we all share the same thing–a sinful nature. It’s not a cultural condition, it’s a human condition. Being in a new culture or serving a third world population in itself cannot change my heart permanently, only God can. The Honduran people are not perfect, they are sinners and so am I, the foremost of sinners at that. But Christ came to save sinners. He was far more despised and rejected yet responded with far more love and compassion to the point of sacrificing himself for us on the cross. That is the example to follow. And by faith and grace alone, we are given the strength to do so.

Experiencing this fatigue after only 3 weeks of serving has given me the utmost respect for our missionaries and translators who do this every single day of their lives. I’m coming here as a personal growing experience but these translators do these brigades everyday because they have to work and support their families. I’m a visitor to their country. This is their life. My new prayer and goal while I’m here is really just to be as much of an encouragement to them as possible. I’ll be home within a few weeks but they’ll be here still working and laboring long after I’m gone. Working with them has also reignited the fire in me to do my part back in the States. To live all out for the Gospel, to do my part. I owe it to them to do at least do that much. Leaving the missionaries, my fellow interns and the translators will be the hardest part by far of this experience. They have become my family and it makes my heart so full to be working alongside them for the Kingdom. They are the real MVPs!!

Pray: for the translators, full time missionaries and church members of the Honduran churches we served at. They're the long term hands and feet for this country.

[katherinezhang]

The picture above is what I see when I pull up to the different brigade sites each week. Corruption in the healthcare system forces people to go to brigade sites as their only source of healthcare and results in lines like these. But the truth is, we can’t help everyone. It’s a discouraging reality to face and has been a struggle for me to accept that I just can’t do enough. However God has been teaching me yes, it’s true, I can’t help them all, but God is so much bigger than me and these brigades. He is the God of the universe who CAN rescue them all. And that is a hope beyond this world.

God reaffirmed this as I got to do evangelism today. I truly believe God has been preparing me the entire time I’ve been here for the rejection after rejection we received today because surprisingly I’m not discouraged! I know God is the one who changes hearts and again, he is bigger than my confines for him. Furthermore, through God’s grace, the kingdom is a little more full after today after all :)

As we shared gospel over and over I was reminded of my first love and my purpose once more. I've been convicted to remember it's not just a broken Honduras, it's a broken world. Every human alive, including you and I, is searching for their purpose, their reason for being put on this Earth, but many times we’re looking in all the wrong places. We have a God-shaped hole in our hearts that we’re trying to fill with family, career, relationships or just doing good deeds but at the end of the day we’re still unsatisfied. I believe it’s because we’re made for better. We’re happiest when we find our purpose and are doing what we’re made to do. And our Creator is telling us, I made you and I made you to be my child. God himself is the only one who can fill that hole in our hearts.

What a beautiful thing to be loved by Christ and known by your Creator. We are not here by accident. We are made for a purpose.

[katherinezhang]

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” - John 16:22

Heavy hearted from the brigade day today. The amount of suffering and pain is unprecedented. Praying their sorrow in the world turns to joy in Christ.

[katherinezhang]

Yesterday was pretty mundane but gave me a taste of what real missionary life might be like. It’s not always going to be thrilling like an action movie–savin’ souls savin’ lives. Some days, like yesterday, might just be sorting medication and glasses all day. But these mundane days are what drives the ministry. The work that no one sees is the reason why we can go to the brigade sites and actually help save souls and lives. Each role is equally important in furthering the kingdom and even participating in the ordinary is a privilege. Seeing it that way, on the other hand... Is definitely a struggle haha. Today I went to church with one of the full time missionaries, Shannon. I love visiting the Honduran churches because they worship so freely. They come not to impress others or look “holy” but simply to worship God with their church family. A prime example from today’s service was when the pastor opened up the floor for prayer requests. At least 15 members raised their hands and asked for prayers. At the end even a few children raised their hands asking for prayer for “mi mama, mi papa, mi abuelo!” It made me think of how I feel when that question gets asked at home. Again for me it’s all pride here. I dare not raise my hand to request prayer in front of the congregation unless I find my trial “worthy” to boast about. But here, man the Honduran believers understand the heart of God. It didn’t matter if their requests were big or small, they understand the power of our God who is ready to listen and provide. The children were especially perfect examples of this. No calculated or eloquently rehearsed requests, just simple and beautiful faith.

Tomorrow is the first brigade day with the new team. I still feel extremely self-conscious and awkward haha but pray that my identity be in Christ. I don’t want my ego to rob me of experiencing the amazing work God is doing right in front of me.

[katherinezhang]

God answers prayers quickly... Haha just ended a 2 hour chat with some of the girls on the Missouri team sharing testimonies and praying for each other. Such an encouraging time of fellowship sharing with the backdrop of Honduran rain.

[katherinezhang]

Hello all! I’m alive haha. One prayer request already answered! To my surprise, I was put to work right away, going straight from the airport to the brigade site. It was pretty awkward and difficult for me to jump right into a team from Missouri that has known each other forever and has had this whole week to bond even more. Even though they were extremely hospitable and welcoming, I let my self-consciousness (aka pride) consume my thoughts, make me feel inferior and exhaust and discourage me. However, God is still great! I’ve been able to work with a doctor who has been practicing for over 40 years and has shown me SO many things I’ve would have never seen in the States. He shared with me bluntly about the corruption of this nation’s just about nonexistent healthcare system and the truly desperate need for healing both spiritually and physically. For example, he told me besides two missionaries there are ZERO optometrists in the country. Zero! Because of all the teams from various organizations that go out I was beginning to be skeptical about the actual need in Honduras for medical care, but I saw today that the need is seriously massive. A new team arrives tomorrow which means a fresh start and a lot easier transition! However, my prayer is that God would continue to help me to let go of my ego and self-consciousness and instead give me confidence in Christ. I pray that my identity would not be rooted in my standing as an optometric intern, where I’m from, or in even in my walk and testimony but truly in Christ and Christ alone.

[katherinezhang]

Honduras 2kat15

I debated for a while whether or not to keep a blog for my internship in Honduras partly because I’ll only be gone for 5 weeks but mostly because to be honest, it’s pretty scary for me to be so open! Maybe it’s the red-eye flight talking (shoutout to IAH for your bomb wifi), but I finally decided to suck it up and let my walls down (at least temporarily) to update for 2 reasons: 

1. I need prayer. I’m leaving for Honduras with a heavy heart to say the least, leaving behind broken relationships, anxious/dissuading family, the loss of a loved one and a number of unresolved burdens and weights. Come to think of it, the last time I left for Honduras it similarly felt like the absolute worst time to leave. Funny how history repeats itself. Nevertheless, God worked mightily in 2013 and I have faith that God will reveal once again that this terrible timing is actually exactly right.   So again, I ask for prayer:

Pray that God will use my absence from home to grow my parents and family in faith and understanding. That he will also work in the hearts of my friends and loved ones. 

Pray that God will use my presence in Honduras to be a vessel for his glory: to encourage the missionaries, doctors and staff who spend their lives on the field, to help provide sight both physically and spiritually to the Honduran people and to support my fellow interns and team members as we work together.

Pray for my safety and health. Pray that I may not grow weary physically, spiritually or emotionally. Pray that I don’t get taken!!

2. I want to share God’s love with you and probably haven’t because I’ve been too afraid.  My intent for this blog is to keep it raw and real (and even though it scares me, I’ll try my best not to chicken out and delete my posts after 2 seconds like I usually do). This means you’ll see my worst days, my great days, and everything in between.  I hope seeing my failures and struggles will greater magnify God’s mercies that are new every morning. I hope that my imperfections and disappointments can greater showcase God’s grace. I hope that all of this can show you (and remind me) that I am an imperfect human being but God is a good, sovereign and loving God. I’m not a writer, nor a blogger, I prefer pictures and minimal words, but if you decide to follow me on this journey, I hope that every post points to one thing…the Gospel. I hope this blog opens doors for us to talk and dialogue. If I haven’t shared God’s love with you and his work in my life, it’s probably because I’ve been too afraid. I hope that can all change starting now!  

[katherinezhang]

Think of the many disappointments and troubles that beset us. Look at them more closely and you will realize that the most agonizing of them have to do with our own “Isaacs.” In our lives there are always some things that we invest in to get a level of joy and fulfillment that only God can give. The most painful times in our lives are times in which our Isaacs, our idols, are being threatened or removed. When that happens we can respond in two ways. We can opt for bitterness and despair. We will feel entitled to wallow in those feelings saying “I’ve worked all my life to get to this place in my career and now it’s all gone!” or “I’ve slaved my whole life to give that girl a good life and this is how she repays me!” We may feel at liberty to lie, cheat, take revenge, or throw away our principles in order to get some relief. Or we may simply live in a permanent despondency. Or else like Abraham, you could take a walk up into the mountains. You could say, “ I see that you may be calling me to live my life without something I never thought I could live without. But if I have you, I have the only wealth, health, love, honor and security I really need and cannot lose.” As many have learned and later taught, you don’t realize Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.

Tim Keller 

[katherinezhang]

God invites us to to come as we are, not to stay as we are.

Tim Keller

[katherinezhang]

Though we need love that lasts, all our relationships are subject to the inevitable entropy of time, and they crumble in our hands. Even people who stay true to us die and leave us, or we die and leave them. Though we long to make a difference in the world through our work, we experience endless frustration. We never fully experience our hopes and dreams. We may work hard to re-create the home that we have lost, but says the Bible, it only exists in the presence of the heavenly father from which we have fled."

Tim Keller, The Prodigal God 

[katherinezhang]

"In the worst of times, there is still more cause to complain of an evil heart than of an evil world."

Robert Fleming 

[katherinezhang]

[katherinezhang]

Taiwan --> Shanghai Airplane sunset