#SHE DESTROYED HIM

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$LAYYYTER

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@kathleenejones
#SHE DESTROYED HIM
Gay culture is coming out to the plumber for logistical reasons
Laura Dern as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair (x)
I am Queer.
So, re that convo that keeps occurring about whether Queer is a slur and should not be used.
When I came out, everything was Gay and Lesbian. We all called ourselves Gay and Lesbian because that was what had been yelled at us as youths. The symbol was the pink triangle. The pink triangle was used by hate groups and oppressors to identify us.
We took it back. We took gay back.
During my time at Macalester college the student group name changed from Gay and Lesbian Alliance to LGBT Union. We listened, we learned, we included more people more explicitly. The symbols were the pink triangle and the AIDS ribbon. Two badges of death. And you would take them from our cold, dead, hands, motherfucker. Right?
Right.
After I graduated, the rainbow flag became predominant. Made by AIDS activists, by the way. Still coming out of death. And Queer became the thing. It was more inclusive, and the T was moving from transsexual to transgender, and what about married Bi folks… (I mean, when I came out I knew people who called themselves trannies, because that was still a thing then.)
So, anyway, Queer. Queer was the word, like Gay, that got shouted from passing cars.
whatareyouafuckingqueer.
Queer.
But when accused of being a hated, vile, thing, you can take two paths. You can deny being the thing, and agree with your accuser that being this thing is AWFUL. The WORST. Of course you are not that thing.
Or.
Or.
You can INCREASE BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING THING.
Am I a dyke? Really? WATCH me cut my hair and buy a leather jacket and wear silk ties, you sonuvabitch. Call me queer? Really? YOU CAN NOT HANDLE THE QUEER.
Some time after that, other acronyms and terms started being used. QUILTBAG, for instance. Ace/Aro, these are now in use. Lots of terms. But nearly all the things we call ourselves have been used as weapons against us. Nearly all the symbols we use for our resistance have origins in our deaths.
Not just oppression.
Death.
So when you say you want the term dyke, I will try to remember that. If you call yourself a flaming faggot, I will nod and move on. If I call myself queer and you flinch, I will try to respect that, but you don’t get to tell me to stop. Everybody who came out before you has taken the rocks and bottles and made them into shields and wind chimes. If I am unashamed of being queer, you do not get to give that word BACK to the fuckwits who made it a slur.
Resistance, jubilation, and freedom go one way. We grow more expansive, more inclusive, louder, larger, brighter. We don’t have to all like each individual sequin, strobe light, or pixy stick at this party. But you sure as shit don’t lock ANYBODY out.
I need to reblog this again because this cat’s face
you can see it counting down from ten in its head
# these two are so strong # so beautiful
I cannot stop thinking about the last ~15 minutes of Big Little Lies, and how it was about communication between women and deliberately cutting men out. For one thing, it is almost completely silent– sound only returns at the request of the female detective, who is also the one who picked up on the inconsistencies (or rather consistencies) of their stories. For another thing, major reveals happen without any dialogue at all. We see Bonnie piecing together the danger oozing from Perry, we see Jane’s horror at discovering her rapist, and then we see Celeste and Madeline put the whole thing together. Even Renata–the woman most excluded from their group– picks up that something’s wrong.
All without a single word.
It’s silly, but it reminded me of being in sixth grade. The boys in our class noticed that the girls had a tendency to look at each other when one of them said something dumb, and pretty soon any sort of sideways-look between girls got a loud round of Mr. S they’re talking with their eyebrows again! accusations. The boys were annoyed (playfully annoyed, but annoyed nonetheless) that the girls had figured out a way to talk in class without actually talking. We told them they could do it too, but they all stubbornly insisted that wasn’t possible.
Thinking back on that, it strikes me how much of female communication is nonverbal, largely because it has to be. Women are socialized not to make a fuss, to be quiet, to not take up too much unnecessary space. This pressure (along with the emphasis on the importance of women taking care of feelings and emotions) creates a quiet sub-language, a code that is not exactly hard to break unless you insist on seeing women as other. It’s in the look women share when a man catcalls one of us on the street, when we shift to make space for a woman to sit down on the bus because there’s a guy standing just a little too close to her. This isn’t some innate ability unique to ciswomen– and again, the code is not at all hard to crack unless you are convinced that women are inherently unknowable– but rather a form of communication female-identified people developed to protect each other.
I saw way too many reviewers say that they didn’t buy Bonnie knowing Perry was dangerous without having her book backstory to inform her (where she’s apparently a child of an abusive father), or arguing that Celeste and Madeline just knowing Perry was Jane’s rapist was a bridge too far, but to me, that was the most organic moment of the series. Not because women have natural intuition about these things, but because nonverbal communication is a skill women have developed to protect themselves and each other from men like Perry and so having them communicate without ever speaking a word was incredibly powerful. Without the audience ever once hearing them, these women instantly banded together to protect one of their own– and it was one of their own who noticed. The male detective basically throws his hands up and writes them off as unknowable, but the female detective is the one who knows the code and thus she’s the one with questions.
Even the last scene was a silent, female-centric haven. The bad guy is gone but the good guys aren’t there either, relegated to mere sidekicks in a story about female friendship and love. The audience is left out of their circle too, unable to hear their conversations but able to see their compassion for one another. They’re talking without words, but we still know what they’re saying.
Tonight I got to teach a little broadside workshop to queer college students at UNCW, and then we all made stamped/painted/collaged art. I just had to do a tribute to Dusty.
The students were so, so wonderful and enthusiastic and smart. I miss teaching and talking to youth on a regular basis. I miss using my hands to make things, too.
Azalea season.
I think there is a general misconception that you write poems because you ‘have something to say.’ I think, actually, that you write poems because you have something echoing around in the bone-dome of your skull that you cannot say. Poetry allows us to hold many related tangential notions in very close orbit around each other at the same time. The ‘unsayable’ thing at the center of the poem becomes visible to the poet and reader in the same way that dark matter becomes visible to the astrophysicist. You can’t see it, but by measure of its effect on the visible, it can become so precise a silhouette you can almost know it.
Rebecca Lindenberg (via wellconstructedsentences)
Christopher Burk, Paintings.
Gorgeous, mystery filled “nocturnes” by artist Christopher Burk who lives and works in Columbus, Ohio.
Don’t miss Supersonic Art on Instagram!
how about you dont use the word queer to describe lgbt!!! its a fucking slur!
I’m a qpoc, This is what I’m talking about when white people straight wash POC.
@hijabby may I hop on this post to make a point? You’re quite a bit younger than me, which isn’t a problem or a bad thing, it just means you will have still been in kindergarten or not even born yet when the events I am about to discuss took place and given the nature of queer history, it’s totally possible I learned stuff that’s faded into ephemera for your generation.
QUEER WAS THE ACCEPTABLE, ACADEMIC TERM FOR “LGBTQIA” IN THE EARLY-TO-MID 2000s.
I took classes in Queer Literature. We discussed Queer History. Some of my professors–who were themselves gay, lesbian, and bisexual, mind you–referred to historical figures as queer on the basis that those figures did not exist in societies that had a modern-day understanding of sexuality, and so trying to box them into modern labels is an exercise in futility. I went to marches where we screamed “we’re here, we’re queer, we want our civil rights.”
All of this, by the way, spawns out of the Genderqueer and ACT UP movements of the 1990s; they’re the ones who invented the chant on which the above chant was based, the one you may have heard elsewhere: “we’re here, we’re queer, get over it.” I’m proud of my own part in queer history, but those people, the ones who created the AIDS quilt and the die-ins and the fierce demands for same-sex marriage so they could visit partners dying in the hospital, they’re the real heroes. And they called themselves queer.
And?
Most of them were not white.
I am. The radical activism of my generation looks very different from generations past because, I’m sorry to say, white queer folks sat back and let queer folks of color do the hard part, and then we grabbed the baton and charged over the first big finish line while the sportscasters talked about the stunning race we’d run. I’m not sorry to be an activist or to be working in my own generation, but I’m very deeply sorry that queer activism en masse has widely ignored the nonwhite, noncis people who got us where we are.
“Queer” has more uses than just being a slur that was reclaimed 30+ years ago. Queer is a useful term if, say, you’re 15 and you’re not sure if you’re asexual or a late bloomer, but you don’t want to just say “oh yeah, I’m gay/straight.” Queer is a useful term if, like me, you escaped a fundamentalist church and your whole life has been defined by strict labels, and you just want out. Queer is a useful term if you’re from a country where gender doesn’t fit a Western binary but you want a quick term to describe yourself to Western people.
And do you know what else queer is?
Queer is hated by TERFs because it encompasses trans people.
Because it embraces aroace people.
Because it says “you are here, you are welcome, you belong” to people who say “I know I’m not straight, but I don’t know what I AM.” What you are is queer, and queer is enough. Queer is the place you can sit, rest, and figure it out at your own pace.
TERFs started the narrative of “queer is only a slur, has never been anything else, and was never reclaimed and you should never ever say it ever” in order to gatekeep our community. When you try to deny this term, YOU ARE DOING THE WORK OF TERFS.
Queer is not a slur. Queer is a reclaimed word that is of huge help to people across the community, but most especially to our fellows who aren’t “just” LGB, and to the nonwhite members of our community who do not fit into the gender binary.
Stop. STOP. Stop listening to TERFs who pretend nothing of queer rights existed between 1880 and 2015. Stop being ahistorical and disenfranchising.
We’re here, we’re queer, get the fuck over it.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only identity that threatens my lesbian identity is “bigot.”
Do you live in North Carolina? Apparently one of your Republican Senators is persuadable re: Betsy DeVos.
I got this from someone I know in North Carolina: Senator Richard Burr is apparently wavering about Betsy DeVos. If you are one of his constituents, you can call his office about it at 202-224-3154.
All the Democratic senators have apparently promised to oppose her. We need 3 Republicans to jump the fence.
I have seen a lot of people talking about the issues that were removed from the White House website. What I have seen little discussion of (or any, tbh) is what’s gone up in their place. There are exactly six issues now listed:
America First Energy Plan
America First Foreign Policy
Bringing Back Jobs And Growth
Making Our Military Strong Again
Standing Up For Our Law Enforcement Community
Trade Deals Working For All Americans
Just those headings should be terrifying enough: between the focus on state violence and the coded “America First” white ultranationalism, this is an unabashedly, literally fascist platform. But when you dive into the content, it becomes even more clear:
“Peace through strength will be at the center of that foreign policy.”
“[W]e will rebuild the American military.”
“President Trump is committed to reversing this trend [of a military that is marginally smaller in some areas than it was in 1991], because he knows that our military dominance must be unquestioned.”
“The world will be more peaceful and more prosperous with a stronger and more respected America.”
“Our military needs every asset at its disposal to defend America. We cannot allow other nations to surpass our military capability. The Trump Administration will pursue the highest level of military readiness.”
“For too long, Americans have been forced to accept trade deals that put the interests of insiders and the Washington elite over the hard-working men and women of this country.”
“The Trump Administration will be a law and order administration.”
“Our job is not to make life more comfortable for the rioter, the looter, or the violent disrupter.”
“President Trump is committed to building a border wall[.]”
“[Trump] is dedicated to enforcing our border laws, ending sanctuary cities, and stemming the tide of lawlessness associated with illegal immigration.”
“The dangerous anti-police atmosphere in America is wrong. The Trump Administration will end it.”
This is fascism. This is literally, unhyperbolically fascism. If you do not find this utterly terrifying down to the marrow of your bones, it is because either you do not think fascism will come for you and the people you love, or you have paid absolutely no attention to historical precedent about how these people operate and what their ultimate goals are.
Fascism does not stomp up to you, shouting its five-point plan for how it’s going to get rid of the Jews and the Muslims and the queers the Black people and the disabled people and the (”wrong kind of”) immigrants and and everybody else who stands in the way of a white nationalist state. It sidles up. It puts its arm around your shoulder. It says, “I am going to make you strong.” It says, “I am going to make you proud.” It says, “I am going to make you succeed, because I know exactly who’s been keeping you from all the things you know you deserve.”
This administration is telling us exactly who they are.
We need to believe them.
You know, I hadn’t even looked at the new website but you’re absolutely right - this is terrifying, and this is textbook.
Yeah, I got no optimism today. Maybe tomorrow.