JUNE 12, 2014 Happy Indepence day~!
I was cleaning my room when I saw this piece of scratch paper with a poem written last nov.11 2013 3:03 am. And it goes like this : ( final version, sorry if may wrong grammar haha)
I just want to say I miss you.
I'ts been years since you’ve walk away
and I’m still here, stuck since that day.
Well I’ve been dreaming of you every night,
and helplessly hopping that everything will be alright.
Its funny how I still wished every 11:11 and ask a sign,
and stupidly believed in myself that someday you’ll be mine.
Look how far I sacrificed,
I was so down but I lifted myself and rise.
I choose to find my own happiness and let go,
but still loving you is all I know.
I just want you to know that I’m doing fine,
I’m starting to live without you and draw a line.
I am now learning to accept all your reason,
and accept the fact that I really need to move on.
I can’t count on my fingers how many times I said “ I’m done”,
but this time I will proved to myself that I can.
I’m so sorry if it takes me so long, :(
blame my heart for believing its in you where I belong.
I was the one who wrote the poem. Nakakatawa lang isipin na bago ko isulat tong blog na to nagbasa muna ako ng mga post ko dati at sa loob ng 2 years and 8 months yun lang yung gusto kong ipagawa sa sarili ko. ANG MAG MOVE ON. nakakatawa, nung mga panahong to seryoso ako sa mga bagay na gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. Oo, aminado ako okay na ko nung mga panahong to. I’d set a goal to myself na ihahakbang ko na mga paa ko palayo sakanya. Then last february I found myself back to zero again. Lahat ng plano kong gawin sa buhay ko nawala. Bumalik lahat ng feelings na dapat matagal nang tapos. So inenjoy ko yung naramdaman ko. I loved those butterflies I felt in my tummy every time nagkakachat or nagkakatext kami. Pati na rin yung mga panic moments ko everytime na bumabanat sya ng mga kilig pick up lines. I was sooooooooo happy then. I thought the feelings will last forever but I was wrong it was just lasted for 3 months. 3 months of kilig moments and 3 months of being inlove( ako lang ang inlove). Yes! I was so inloved then. ♥
After 7 months nagkita ulit kami. I always run back to him when its convenient. Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na we’re meant for each other hindi lang siguro talaga ngayon and someday tutuparin nya yung promised nya sakin last march 3, 2012. I still believed in him. I dont know if he can still remember everything he said to me that night. Sya yung tipo ng tao na hindi nagpopromise pero that night he made a promised and I can still remember every words he said. So i play these games. Act that I’m okay when one of us is with someone else. When in reality it tears me apart cause I know I cant be happy with someone else not like him. :( And it is the slight HOPE that “we will end up together” that keeps me running back for more. Then reality hits me! We’re done. Tapos na LOVE STORY namin at kelangan kong tanggapin yun. Madaming beses ko na napatunayan na wala na talaga pero dahil sa promise na yun kaya kumakapit parin ako samin dalawa. My love for him was so genuine. Bingi ako sa mga sinasabi ng iba at Bulag ako sa katotohanan na tapos na kaming dalawa. </3
I was so numb. Alam kong sobrang sakit na pero hindi ko masyado iniinda. Kasi ang alam ko kaya ko pa. One day bigla akong napagod. Sabi ko “pahinga lang katapat nyan kath, kaya mo pa yan. Kapit lang” then I started browsing our old conversation, old pictures of us and our old wall post to each other. Bigla akong naghina, di ko na maramdam kung tumitibok pa ba yung puso ko. Then I started crying. I realized I’ve done too much. Ako nalang mag isa. Ako lang yung kumakapit sa imahinasyon na magiging okay kaming dalawa. :’(
Afterall, I don’t hate him. My heart knows me too well that I CAN’T hate him. Infact I’m so thankful because of him nakilala ko sarili ko. Ganito pala ako magmahal. I can’t imagine myself loving someone else the way I loved him. Hmmmm maybe not now. He will always be in my heart no matter what, not because I still loved him but because he’s one of the reason who I am right now. He is a great man! wala akong pinagsisisihan sa lahat. I will always treasured those memories I had with him. I know I can never bring back everything we had thats why I just keep him right here –> ♥ He will always be my superman after all. NOW I’m done. I will be that person who keeps walking forward. It doesn’t matter how slowly I go, as long as I don’t stop. and this time totoo na talaga to! ^_^
I am now Closing the door. But those who are worth it can break the walls…
——————> Thank you~! >:D< You’re one of the reason who I am right now. I owe you bigtime! And For the last time, GOODBYE. :)