Claire Keane
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@kathxii-blog
It’s always been my dream to travel with someone special. Go to different places where no one know us. Places where we can enjoy each other’s company and think like we own the world. Now, I found myself reaching those dreams but not with that “special someone”, this time all ALONE. Well somehow, keeping my solitude helps me feel perfectly sane. Thanks to the guy up there. He let me experienced the life He intented for me to live. #JuneEscapade
JUNE 12, 2014 Happy Indepence day~!
I was cleaning my room when I saw this piece of scratch paper with a poem written last nov.11 2013 3:03 am. And it goes like this : ( final version, sorry if may wrong grammar haha)
I
Hi babe, how are you
I just want to say I miss you.
I'ts been years since you’ve walk away
and I’m still here, stuck since that day.
II.
Well I’ve been dreaming of you every night,
and helplessly hopping that everything will be alright.
Its funny how I still wished every 11:11 and ask a sign,
and stupidly believed in myself that someday you’ll be mine.
III.
Look how far I sacrificed,
I was so down but I lifted myself and rise.
I choose to find my own happiness and let go,
but still loving you is all I know.
IV.
I just want you to know that I’m doing fine,
I’m starting to live without you and draw a line.
I am now learning to accept all your reason,
and accept the fact that I really need to move on.
V.
I can’t count on my fingers how many times I said “ I’m done”,
but this time I will proved to myself that I can.
I’m so sorry if it takes me so long, :(
blame my heart for believing its in you where I belong.
I was the one who wrote the poem. Nakakatawa lang isipin na bago ko isulat tong blog na to nagbasa muna ako ng mga post ko dati at sa loob ng 2 years and 8 months yun lang yung gusto kong ipagawa sa sarili ko. ANG MAG MOVE ON. nakakatawa, nung mga panahong to seryoso ako sa mga bagay na gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. Oo, aminado ako okay na ko nung mga panahong to. I’d set a goal to myself na ihahakbang ko na mga paa ko palayo sakanya. Then last february I found myself back to zero again. Lahat ng plano kong gawin sa buhay ko nawala. Bumalik lahat ng feelings na dapat matagal nang tapos. So inenjoy ko yung naramdaman ko. I loved those butterflies I felt in my tummy every time nagkakachat or nagkakatext kami. Pati na rin yung mga panic moments ko everytime na bumabanat sya ng mga kilig pick up lines. I was sooooooooo happy then. I thought the feelings will last forever but I was wrong it was just lasted for 3 months. 3 months of kilig moments and 3 months of being inlove( ako lang ang inlove). Yes! I was so inloved then. ♥
After 7 months nagkita ulit kami. I always run back to him when its convenient. Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na we’re meant for each other hindi lang siguro talaga ngayon and someday tutuparin nya yung promised nya sakin last march 3, 2012. I still believed in him. I dont know if he can still remember everything he said to me that night. Sya yung tipo ng tao na hindi nagpopromise pero that night he made a promised and I can still remember every words he said. So i play these games. Act that I’m okay when one of us is with someone else. When in reality it tears me apart cause I know I cant be happy with someone else not like him. :( And it is the slight HOPE that “we will end up together” that keeps me running back for more. Then reality hits me! We’re done. Tapos na LOVE STORY namin at kelangan kong tanggapin yun. Madaming beses ko na napatunayan na wala na talaga pero dahil sa promise na yun kaya kumakapit parin ako samin dalawa. My love for him was so genuine. Bingi ako sa mga sinasabi ng iba at Bulag ako sa katotohanan na tapos na kaming dalawa. </3
I was so numb. Alam kong sobrang sakit na pero hindi ko masyado iniinda. Kasi ang alam ko kaya ko pa. One day bigla akong napagod. Sabi ko “pahinga lang katapat nyan kath, kaya mo pa yan. Kapit lang” then I started browsing our old conversation, old pictures of us and our old wall post to each other. Bigla akong naghina, di ko na maramdam kung tumitibok pa ba yung puso ko. Then I started crying. I realized I’ve done too much. Ako nalang mag isa. Ako lang yung kumakapit sa imahinasyon na magiging okay kaming dalawa. :’(
Afterall, I don’t hate him. My heart knows me too well that I CAN’T hate him. Infact I’m so thankful because of him nakilala ko sarili ko. Ganito pala ako magmahal. I can’t imagine myself loving someone else the way I loved him. Hmmmm maybe not now. He will always be in my heart no matter what, not because I still loved him but because he’s one of the reason who I am right now. He is a great man! wala akong pinagsisisihan sa lahat. I will always treasured those memories I had with him. I know I can never bring back everything we had thats why I just keep him right here –> ♥ He will always be my superman after all. NOW I’m done. I will be that person who keeps walking forward. It doesn’t matter how slowly I go, as long as I don’t stop. and this time totoo na talaga to! ^_^
I am now Closing the door. But those who are worth it can break the walls…
HiM:
——————> Thank you~! >:D< You’re one of the reason who I am right now. I owe you bigtime! And For the last time, GOODBYE. :)
ACCEPTANCE.. :)
i wish it could be us.. :’( i wish it could be us again.. :’( but everytime i feel how much iLOVEYOU, i cant avoid not to feel all the hurt.. :’(
i know its the only thing i need to do to protect myself from too much pain.. i loved you sooooo much MARK yet its killing...
Just a thought..
Hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang ngayon nagpapakatino ako. May mga bagay naman na malaya kong gawin tulad ng ginagawa ng mga kakilala at kaibigan ko pero hindi ko magawa, siguro dahil ayoko mag sisisi sa huli. ayoko na pag dating sa huli masumbatan ako. Atleast kung dumating man si Mr. Right alam ko na habang hinihintay ko sya nagpapakatino ako at hindi ako gumagawa ng bagay na pagsisisihan ko. :) kaya ipagpapatuloy ko to! labanan mo mga temptation kath!! AHAHAHHA
ENOUGH! (o8.12.13)
Ilang sakit pa ba ang kelangan mong maranasan para sabihin sa sarili mo at sa puso mo na TAMA NA? Hindi pa ba sapat ang mga pang babalewala nya sa nararamdaman mo para patuloy ka parin na UMASA? Wala ka bang balak tumigil sa kahibangan mo at sa pagiging tanga ka lang ba talaga mas SASAYA? o Kailangan mo pang iuntog para matanggap mo na para sakanya, hanggang kaibigan ka lang talaga?
May mga bagay o tao talaga sa mundo na mahirap bitawan. Kahit yung tipong hirap na hirap ka na pero di mo parin magawang pakawalan. Hindi dahil sakanya mo na naranasan ang tunay na kasiyahan, kundi sa sobra mong pagmamahal sakanya kaya ka nagbubulag bulagan.
Utang na loob! isang hakbang lang naman ang tanging hangad, Bakit di mo magawa? kaya di ka maka usad usad! Wag kang tamad! Tumalikod ka, lumayo at simulan mo nang maglakad, Wag mo hayaan si kupido na paikutin ka sakanyang palad.
Ilang taon mo nang niloloko ang sarili mo na okay ka na? Na kaya mong kalimutan sya at magmahal ng iba. Pero wala namang nangyari isa ka parin malaking tanga, Hanggang ngayong andyan ka at minamahal parin sya.
Wala ka naman napapala sa katangahan mo! Tinutorture mo lang sarili mo pati ang iyong puso. Madami nang tanga na kagaya mo ang naninirahan dito sa mundo, wag ka nang dumagdag pa! pagmamahal mo sakanya ay iyo nang isuko.
Mahirap bang maintindihan na magkaiba ang ngayon sa dati? Oo! minahal ka nya pero hindi umabot hanggang sa huli. Sinaktan ka ng tadhana para mahalin mo pa lalo ang iyong sarili, Tinuruan ka ng leksyon na wag paikutin ang mundo mo sa isang lalaki.
Maaari bang simula ngayon ipakita mo na ikaw ay matapang? Na kaya mo syang kalimutan at sa pag ibig ay wag maging mang mang. Tama na ang ilang patak ng luha mo ang nasayang, at tanggapin sa sarili mo katherine na hanggang kaibigan ka nalang…………
HAPPY BiRTHDAY KATHERINE~! ^____^
---Actually gagawa sana ako ng blog para sa isang tao na nagmamahal ng sobra at nagpapakatanga kahit hindi masuklian yung pagmamahal na binibigay nya. Then napansin ko habang ginagawa ko to, poem yung nasusulat ko so tinuloy tuloy ko na then i came up creating a poem about myself. Hahahahaha. Bithday gift ko na din to sa sarili ko. :))
HAPPY TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY, ATE TERIN!
Tama ba? 21 ka na nga ano? Hahaha. Tamo nga naman, ang bilis lang ng araw. Hindi ko namamalayan 21 ka na pala. =)) Ay saglit, yun pala ay kung hindi nga ako nagkakamali. Haha. Anyway, sa palagay ko isa ako sa mga taong nakasaksi ng pagdadalaga mo mula sa pag-iyak mo noon dahil nagbreak kayo ni ano, sa kilig at masayang moments mo kasi nagkita kayo, yung sobrang saya mo kasi noon nagkabalikan kayo. Ano ba yan! Bakit kaya laging tungkol sa kanya? Haha.
Old pictures sana kukunin ko para wala lang! Gusto ko lang ulit maalala yung mga panahong nakatira tayo sa iisang bahay lang. Natutulog sa iisang kuwarto sabay nag-eemote, sabay tumatawa at sabay din kinikilig. Thank you, Ate Kath! Thank you kasi havey na havey sayo yung jokes ko, ikaw yung taong tawa ng tawa kahit nagkekwento lang ako. Ikaw yung taong nakikinig talaga at kahit kelan hindi ako hinusgahan sa bawat kuwentong shini-share ko sayo. :) pero nagbago isip ko. Hahaha. Sorry naman, hindi ako magaling mag-edit, alam mo yan!
Mamaya ka umiyak! Haha. =))
gusto ko lang malaman mo na nandito lang naman ako pag kailangan mo. Kapag hindi mo na kaya yung sakit, tutulungan kita. Kapag kailangan mo pa rin siyempre ng kasama, nandito kaming lahat na mga pinsan mo. At kahit na maraming pagsubok yung dumarating sa buhay mo lalo na kay tito ni minsan hindi nagbago ang pagtingin namin sa inyo nila tita. Humanga kami sa katapangan nyong pinakita. Na sa kabila ng napakahirap na sitwasyon, nakukuha nyo pa ring ngumiti at huwag magpaapekto kahit na deep inside gusto mo nang sumuko.
Huwag ka sanang papayag na kainin ka ng insecurities mo. Mayroon ka na wala sa kanila. Huwag mong ireklamo yung wala sayo kundi ipagpasalamat mo kung ano ang ibinigay sayo. Alam ko na dadating din yung araw na makikita mo na yung taong para sayo kahit alam naming lahat na isa lang yung hanggang ngayon iniintay mo. :p
Huwag kang magbabago ha. Sana ganyan ka pa rin kahit anong mangyare. Sobrang bait, napakapasensyosa, at siyempre ikaw lang ang pinakamagandang Katherine na kakilala ko/namin. Mahal na mahal ka naming lahat, ate! :) basta wag makakalimot na magpray lang lagi kay God. Happy Happy Birthday! More birthdays to come. I love youuu! :) PS. Ito na yung promise ko sayo. Hehe
It's so easy to say I'm fine without him, but deep down inside, I'm hurt and I have to pretend I'm alright, smile and hold behind the tears because from what I see, he's doing fine without me.
Stay strong!
i Miss You. HAPPY BiRTHDAY.
six months ago, may nagtanong sa sakin sa ask.fm nito and proud kong sinagot na siya ang taong pinakaclose sakin. si KATHLEEN GAYTANO VITO. We're not totally best friends coz we both have our own best friends. Actually, I can, say we're more than just a BEST FRIENDS.
She's my SiSTER from another mother - naliligo kami ng sabay. Tumira nadin kami sa iisang bahay nung nag oojt kami.
My advicer - she always came up with a simple solutions to problems that had been so large to me in the beginning.
My drinking buddy- pag may problema isang text lang jam na kagad kahit kami lang dalawa magkainuman.
My diary - halos lahat ng secrets ko alam nya at sinasabi ko sakanya.
My PAPA JACK(girl version)- talo pa nya si Papa Jack kung mag bigay ng advice about sa lovelife ko. sasabihin nya lang " Naku! Papunta ka palang bes, pabalik na ko. Napagdaanan ko na yan."
My Partner- pag kailangan ng partner, sya lagi kapartner ko. Kapartner ko sya nung retreat at immersion pati narin sa thesis namin.
My "cheer-er up-er"- taga cheer up sakin lalo na pag down ako at pag mahina ang loob ko.
My teacher- tinuturuan nya ko everytime na di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko.
My fashion at make up artist- tinuturuan nya ko kung ano dapat suotin or kung ano mas bagay sakin. Siya din taga ayos ng kilay ko at taga advice kug anong magandang make up ang gamitin.
My doctor- sya nag alaga sakin nung mga panahong magkasama kami at may sakit ako. and lastly,
My partners in crime - kasama ko lagi sa lahat, kakalugan, kalokohan at kung saan man.
but everything has changed. Now, I turned out to be her Greatest ENEMY(i guess). Sa loob ng apat na taon naming pagkakaibigan first time lang namin nag away at humantong pa sa ganito na isang buwan na kaming di nag iimikan at parang hindi namin kilala ang isat isa. I receive harsh words from her and I didn't expect that she can actually address those kinds of words to me after what i have done and after all that we've been through. iniisip ko nalang, Magkapatid nga nag aaway what more pa kaya kami? Test of Friendship ba talaga to? Grabe ha! ang hirap! di ako nag review. -_- tss! Alam ko may mali ako, but i don't blame myself kung ganun man ang kinahantungan naming dalawa. May mga bagay kasi na akala mo tama pero yung way mo nang pagtatama ay mali. Tinulak ko sya para sya mismo itayo ang sarili nya. naisip ko that time, "a child can't stand up on its own if you are always supporting her". she should learn things the hard way. So sa ganiwa ko it feels like i betrayed her. Damn! I even lied to her. MALiNG MALi! Wala ako sa posisyon para gawin yun, KAiBiGAN nya lang ako, pero nung mga panahong yun, yun lang ang alam kong tamang gawin. Now, we end up like strangers. she hates me so much and i guess i can never gain her trust again after what had happen.
anyway, Happy Birthday to her! I hope she have an amazing one and more to come!! I really appreciate her for her drive and strength.I just want to thank her for listening to all my raves, my rants, and supporting me when I’m at my lowest points.Thanks for the memories we have shared through the years. at kahit naging walang kentang kaibigan ako sakanya i still hope and pray na sana matagpuan na nya ang tunay na magpapaligaya sakanya. :'( Sana matupad nya lahat ng mga wishes nya sa buhay. :'( at sana maging masaya sya. :'( kahit ganito ang nangyari i still wish her the best. T__T tinalo nya pa sina cholo at eric para sa napakahabang blog na to at sa pag eemote ko habang tinatype to. :'( I love you bes more than I could possibly express. i miss you. T__T i miss us. T__T HAPPY BiRTHDAY. T___T
♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
I always thought you were the best I guess I always will. I always felt that we were blessed, And I feel that way, still. Sometimes we took the hard road, But we always saw it through. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you. Sometimes the world was on our side; Sometimes it wasn't fair. Sometimes it gave a helping hand; Sometimes we didn't care. 'Cause when we were together, It made the dream come true. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you. Someone who understands me, And knows me inside out. And helps keep me together, And believes without a doubt, That I could move a mountain: Someone to tell it to. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you. 'Cause when we were together, It made the dream come true. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you. Someone who understands me, And knows me inside out. And helps keep me together, And believes without a doubt, That I could move a mountain: Someone to tell it to. If I had only one friend left, I'd want it to be you. :'(
Hindi ko na mabilang ang kaso nang MU Relationships sa panahon ngayon. Ang daming masaya, ang dami ding malungkot. Halika’t alamin natin ang iba’t ibang mukha nang MU na ‘yan.
MU as in Magkarelasyon Unofficially.
May feelings para sa isa’t isa pero walang pormal na relasyon. Emotionally involved pero hindi matatawag na mag-“on.” Potential na maging mag-partner pero naghihintay nang tamang panahon para maging true lovers.
MU as in Malabong/Magulong Usapan.
Mahal niyo ang isa’t isa pero hindi sinasabi nang diretsahan. Super sweet si girl, extra effort si boy pero kapag tinanong, “Ano ba kayo?” Walang maisasagot. Hindi sila pero grabe kung makabakod sa emotional territory ng bawat isa. Nagagalit si girl pag may kausap si boy, naiirita si boy pag may kasamang iba si girl. Ang su-showbiz masyado!
MU as in Mahirap Umasa.
Wala talagang relasyon. Assume here, assume there, assume everywhere. Hindi mo pwedeng sabihing nasasaktan ka kasi wala naman talagang kayo. Sadyang mahilig ka lang maglagay ng kulay sa lahat ng bagay.
MU as in Madaling Umayaw.
Ito ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ka dapat umasang tatagal ang relasyon dahil madali siyang magsawa. Wala pang maayos na usapan. Casanova/Playgirl ang partner. Makikita mo nalang, may kaholding-hands na siyang iba, maya-maya, may kayakap ng iba. Tsk, tsk!
MU as in Matinding Umaray.
Umaasa session. Iniwan nang partner dahil walang kasiguraduhan ang lahat. Akala mo seryoso, ‘yun pala nakikipaglaro sa apoy.
Lawakan niyo kasi ang pag-iisip niyo patungkol sa pag-ibig. Sabi nga, “Less Expectation, Less Disappointment.” diba? Limitahan mo ang sarili mo sa mga na alam mong makakasakit sa’yo. Huwag magpaka-masokista! Ayusin ang attitude sa pakikipagrelasyon. Dalawa lang naman kasi ‘yan. SERYOSO o HINDI. No middle ground. Siguraduhin at klaruhin ang mga nararamdaman mo para walang masaktan sa huli. At siyempre, hayaan mong si God ang umaksyon sa lovelife mo, mas sasaya ka na, malapit ka pa sa kanya!
Moving on isn't about not loving someone anymore and forgetting them. It's about having the strength to say "I still love you, but you're not worth this pain."
Worst Feeling
You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that you didn’t mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much.
Sky of LOVE
GiViNG UP is the only OPTiON.
I fight for what i want. It takes a lot for me to give up on something or SOMEONE. I can't just give up because things are hard, especially if that person means something to me. I'll keep fighting and fighting until i have nothing left in me and GiViNG UP is the only OPTiON.
close kami ng bespren ko. hindi man halata sa school o ng ibang tao. HAHAHA :))
iloveyou and make sure you dont forget that.. :)
