Domestic Violence

[katlyng6]

[katlyng6]

[katlyng6]

Watch ‘Law & Order: SVU’ Chris & Rihanna Domestic Violence Inspired Episode

I had to post the link to the video because the file is too large. The link is to the full episode of Law and Order SVU. It gives an accurate portrayal of domestic abuse although of course a little dramatized for television as Law and Order is famous for. In this episode they are very very obvious that it is about Chris and Rihanna, the character's name is Caleb Bryant. Same initials and even the plot is about two recording artists. I think svu does a fair job at addressing most sensitive issues.  

[thebroadcastblog]

University of Connecticut soccer player Noriana Radwan was indefinitely suspended from the team after she flipped off an ESPN camera following UConn’s women’s soccer team conference championship win yesterday.

Countless male college athletes have gone unpunished for far worse infractions.

[clearlycorinna-blog]

Even though women’s sports have far less viewers than men’s sports, this woman received harsher punishment than males who committed similar or worse infractions. Men and women should receive the same punishment for the same infraction in sports and society.

[katlyng6]

I think that this relates to my topic because similarly in sports, men are easily forgiven even for claims of domestic violence. The publics interest in sports has a huge impact on what the punishments involved are. The punishment for anyone else would be far worse then what is issued to pro-athletes. People should not be given different punishments based on their gender, sport, or status in society. I think it is a shame that this girl from UConn had to experience that type of discrimination. 

[katlyng6]

Rihanna and Chris Brown

Thanks for speaking to every girl out there who has ever been abused. Making people realize that it can happen to everyone. 

"When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not — I could not be easy with that part. I couldn’t be held responsible for telling them to go back. Chris, even if Chris never hit me again, who is to say that their boyfriend won’t? Whose to say that they wont kill these girls and these and these are young girls and I could not. I just didn’t realize how much of an impact I had on these girls lives until that happened."

It's important that celebrities set examples such as this. If Rihanna shows that she can have the strength to leave an abusive relationship and be fine on her own, then someone may also make a positive change in their life because of that. This story has gotten a lot of publicity, and I think that is good, it's a constant reminder that not all relationships are perfect, but no one has to suffer through a bad one. 

[katlyng6]

Kathleen's Story

“The next thing I knew, I woke up at the hospital, actually asking for my husband because I did not remember a thing,” 

She woke up with a severe concussion from her abuser and had no recollection of the beating. Her abuser was sent to prison after this attack and she was able to restart her life and move away with her children. 

“Tracking me down when I was at work; telling me I was a bad wife and mother for having a career; following me to the supermarket or doctor’s office,” 

Kathleen was forced to quit her job and move away from her family. She lost what was important to her at the hands of her abuser. 

[katlyng6]

Domestic Abuse Through my Lens

I have a very short tolerance for violence or even acting out physically due to anger in any manner. But that domestic abuse is not limited to just physical violence. In a previous relationship I dealt with a lot of mental and emotional abuse and I still have to deal with some of the repercussions today. I chose this topic because the topic interests me, mostly for that reason. It makes the topic a lot more easily understood for me even without the physical aspect. It's sometimes really hard for me to talk about but I like posting about it and learning more about other types of abuse and what other people have done about it. 

[katlyng6]

Interview

I interviewed my friend Megan to see what she thinks about domestic abuse:

Do you think that domestic abuse is a problem in todays society, why or why not?

Yes I do think it is a big issue due to the sheer amount of people it affects and its prevalence in today's society

Where do you feel that you get the most exposure to issues about domestic violence?

I guess I would say media, and in the realm of media I guess I would say sports. 

What is the most recent domestic violence case you remember hearing about concerning sports?

CB West football scandal a couple weeks ago.

(CB West is a high school near my hometown in Pennsylvania. There was a case of bad hazing where upperclassmen forced freshmen to do terrible things to each other including slapping and fondling each other, in order to be accepted onto the team.) 

What upset or concerned you most about CB West?

I think the realization that these things can happen to anyone and so locally, that they aren't just big media stories. Also that they think one of the coaches knew about it and he still didn't do anything about it. 

Do you think ending the football season early was a good punishment or do you think more should have been done? Do you think that this will stop it from happening in the future?

I think that this was a good step, but I think some further action should have been taken against the players who were involved on the harsh end. I don't know what the punishment should have been, but there should have been something. Can I go to bed now?

Yes, thank you. Goodnight!

[katlyng6]

This is the abuse cycle. Things start of seemingly ok in the honeymoon phase, then tension builds with emotional and verbal abuse finally leading to a violent outburst. As time goes on the total time for the cycle lessens and the honeymoon phase gets shorter and shorter. It becomes more and more mentally and physically exhausting. 

[katlyng6]

How do abusers make victims feel like it is their fault?

Most relationships start great. It’s romantic, you’ll get along; the abuse doesn’t start until later. So why the change? Some will think that the reason is because they are doing something wrong, others will keep hoping that things will go back to the way they were. The hope for a better relationship makes them stick around. 

Another reason is that a lot of people in society will blame the victim for the abuse because they are not doing anything to stop it and are therefore “provoking” it. Because they choose to stay and they are told that the abuse is “their choice” they are basically being told that the abuse is their fault. 

This site describes what a victim is and gives a more in depth description of what I described above. Check it out for more information. 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/domesticviolence/domesticviolencec.cfm 

[threadbarren]

It scares me that there are shirts that are actually recognized and labeled as “wife beaters”

[katlyng6]

Just thought this was kind of an interesting point and something that we overlook everyday. 

[jvigneault10-blog]

This recent advertisement, which features multiple NFL players, comes out against domestic violence and sexual assault. This is following a turbulent year for the NFL, with multiple high-profile players being convicted of similar crimes. They repeat the same “no more” phrase in reference to being a passive bystander or trying to make excuses for why it happened. This advertisement felt very appropriate, with a plain white background and a very serious tone.  

[katlyng6]

This relates to my issue because it is also speaking to domestic abuse. I also just wanted to add that I think it is really important that other NFL players are speaking out to this issue because I think that is one of the only ways that these issues will not be over looked. I also think that because it is coming from other players it reminds people that it is just these specific people committing these crimes and not to associate domestic violence with everyone in the NFL. 

[katlyng6]

Green Day, Pulling Teeth, off of the Dookie album. 

It's very straight and to the point. Doesn't really beat around the bush. Very obviously about a guy being abused by his girlfriend. 

[tadanow-blog]

Laci Green articulately explains the relationship between Bella and Edward of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight in the context of abusive relationships and sexual violence.

"I see young people being told, in a particularly powerful way, that this is what true love looks like.  That, to me, is a lot scarier than vampires and werewolves."

[katlyng6]

Pretty cool perspective, and makes a good point. If you already hate Twilight watch this, it will just give you more to loathe about. 

[katlyng6]

What is my opinion on grammar?

I hate, grammar. Heck, if it weren't for spell check I would have just spelled that "grammer." And yes I realize I should not have used a comma in that first sentence, but guess what? I don't care. 

I think that grammar can restrict writing. I fear that people will judge the quality of my writing rather than what I am actually saying. Even in these tumblr blogs I fear that I am not saying things correctly, not in the correct "tumblr fashion." I feel that there is a certain tone or language that is used in blogs but I can't pinpoint exactly how to mirror that. I constantly believe that there is a better way I could phrase things, and that there is a better way to deliver my message. I don't trust myself to write a quality piece even if I'm very passionate about whatever it is I am writing. 

I envy those who are naturally gifted at writing and have good grammar. I envy those who can write a first draft with flawless grammar and can focus on their content without wondering if their grammar is horrible or not. 

I think that many people experience feelings similar to this and that these feelings stop people from writing. This class has helped me get over myself a bit and just write, but the underlying fear and hatred for writing is still there. Anytime that I used to get a writing assignment I would cringe and dread the moment I would be forced to sit down and write it. Now I see that not everything has a certain way to be written and that I can really just write down my thoughts without having to conform to any single way of writing. 

I kind of like writing down my thoughts. It's a good feeling. I think 90% of the time it sounds better in my head then on paper, but I also think that is ok. It's a step in the right direction. 

[katlyng6]

"Theres no victims only volunteers"

Dear Dr. Phil, 

I understand you love the hard ass "do it yourself" advice, but try not to be so ignorant. I read up on the advice you gave to a women who was suffering abuse in her home and I can't say I agreed with ANYTHING you said. Here's a recap of your latest advice. 

Take responsibility. You have played a role in setting up the relationship this way, and you must play a role in changing it. Telling your partner that the treatment is unacceptable is not enough. Your actions speak louder than words, so you need to make two bold moves: Change your own routine or behavior, and tell your partner you will no longer take the abuse.  The worst part about many abusive relationships is that there isn't any easy way out. You can't just get up and leave. If it was that easy the domestic abuse rates would be close to inexistent. The abuser is the dominant- what they say goes. If you go against that, THATS WHEN IT GETS VIOLENT. 

"There are no victims, only volunteers." Don't go along to get along. Peace at any price is no peace at all.  Well next time I'll make sure to not put "likes to be beaten" on my dating application.

Relationships are always up for renegotiation. You need to sit down with your partner, look him/her in the eyes, and tell him/her that you are taking a stand. You will not stay in the relationship if the abuse continues. From there, begin to negotiate. Figure out how both of you can take strides to make the marriage work.  If only it were that easy. 

Watch yourself to make sure you don't fall back into the victim role.  This is what KILLS me. You completely victimize people. Getting abused is THEIR fault?! No. Go home Dr. Phil. You're drunk. 

So. I also wanted to share the COUNTLESS reasons why people may choose to stay in an abusive relationship.

First and foremost- FEAR. The emotional and mental abuse can be relentless. "My partner threatened to track me down and kill me if I left him." "I was scared the consequences of me trying to leave would be worse then staying around."  Fear for your own well-being is a pretty compelling reason to stick around even through a shit hole. 

They've become reliant on their abuser- either financially, emotionally, or sometimes an abuser will cut a person off from their friends/family and they will have no where else to go.

KIDS. They stay for the kids. Some women would rather suffer in so many ways then question having their kids taken away from them or have their kids have to go through their parents divorce. 

Many still hope that they will change. At one point the relationship was better, things were good and he/she was romantic and fine, and some will keep waiting for it to become that again, possibly thinking they are the reason why it changed. 

So please, before you go off telling women that they are at fault for being beaten and abused, try to understand that women aren't just crazy. NO ONE asks for this. Thanks for the great advice to "just leave." I'm pretty sure any logical person could have come to that conclusion. 

Thanks for nothing, 

A horrified ex-viewer

http://www.domesticabuseproject.com/get-educated/compelling-reasons-women-stay/

[katlyng6]

How Domestic Violence Affects Children

"The answer to whether or not children exposed to violence experience more difficulties than their peers emerged as an unequivocal yes."

This quote is from an article written by David A. Wolfe which was published in the Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, titled "The Effects of Children's Exposure to Domestic Violence: A meta-analysis and Critique"