Hello everyone! Im doing a survey on dissociative amnesia, for an article about the relationship between CDD and amnesia. It only takes 5 minutes so please fill it out!
notes- you have to be over 18 and you don't have to have CDD it can also be another disorder with dissociation or if you have no dissociation at all
This form is for an article about dissociative amnesia in CDDs and is to only be filled out if you have CDD, another disorder that causes di
call me crazy but i think public transportation should explicitly also be for actively drunk/high people. so they don’t, you know, drive under the influence.
i literally don’t care how afraid you are of drunk people. if they’re behaving well enough then there’s no reason to kick them off the bus.
if you can’t recognize it’s better for society for drunk people to have a way home that doesn’t involve them driving and potentially getting people killed then you just kind of suck actually.
As a young adult, I used to think what messed me up as a kid was having completely unfiltered access to things I wasn’t ready for, like NSFW content, gore, heavy discourse, and the existence of predatory adults online. But now that I’m older, I see it differently.
The problem wasn’t what I had access to. It was that I didn’t have access to a safe adult I could actually talk to; someone I could trust to help me without immediately cutting me off from everything and everyone. I remember getting messages from strangers on Skype. I didn’t even respond. But when my parents found out, they banned me from using it entirely. That meant losing most of my contact with friends outside of school. So what did I do? I went behind their backs. And once I was hiding, I couldn’t tell them when something actually dangerous was happening, like when I started being groomed. By the time things escalated, I was already alone with it.
I think about an episode of Scared Straight where a girl was dragged through a prison because she’d been talking to adult men online. She wasn’t doing that because she was reckless or malicious; she was lonely. Her parents weren’t present, she was being bullied at school, and these men gave her attention, told her she was pretty, told her she mattered. She was already being harmed. And the adults in her life responded by terrorizing her. Humiliating her. Calling her a slut. Telling her she deserved it. Breaking her to pieces.
What lesson does that actually teach? Not “this is dangerous, come to us.” It teaches: If you get hurt, we will hurt you more. Do you really think that makes her stop, or does it just make the predators look safer by comparison? They might as well have driven her straight into the jaws of those predators with torches and pitchforks. Because when every path back to safety is lined with punishment, kids don’t run away from danger. They run deeper into it.
If you want kids to be safe, stop treating them like problems to control and start treating them like people worth protecting. Stop ripping away their autonomy the second they make a mistake or encounter something risky. Stop teaching them that honesty will cost them everything.
Be the person they can come to without fear of losing their entire world. Because safety isn’t built through control, it’s built through trust. And if you aren’t safe for them to tell the truth to, then you aren’t keeping them safe at all.
"I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream": TADC Inspiration Analysis
I was reviewing The Amazing Digital Circus' IMDB page, as well as it's wikipedia page, and in doing so noticed the piece of trivia that the main inspiration for the show was the short story "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison, and in my curiosity I looked it up.
I have a link for the document here for anyone interested in reading, but be aware that there is mature content including mentions of NSFW, body horror, gore, and slut-shaming. But I break it down and go over parallels and implications below.
To summarize, this short story published in 1967 (which would later have a video game modeled after it) follows five humans who are trapped in a complex by a sentient AI called AM, who was created to coordinate efforts in World War III, and later become sentient (due to input by those five humans in various ways.) AM responded by exterminating humanity, leaving only those five humans behind who it/he would continue to torture for 109 years, not allowing them the freedom of death.
Off the bat you can already see some of the common themes, with humans being trapped in a world run by an AI where they are unable die. Now, we don't know what's happening outside of the game in TADC, where it is possible everyone else is simply moving on with their lives (especially since the members of TADC seemed to have joined at different times, and there is no mention of any apocalyptic happening (unless memories have been altered, which I'm not ruling out since despite Caine's assertions he can't control their minds, that doesn't appear to always be the case.)) But still, the set up for the protagonists is the same in a lot of ways, regardless of the events of the outside world.
The five humans are regularly tormented by AM (which originally stood for "Allied Mastercomputer", but then the humans later changed it to stand for "Adaptive Manipulator" and then "Aggressive Menace" (while the AI itself calls itself that because of "I think therefore I am," which is something regularly repeated to break up segments in the story (and now I'm thinking of this fan made TADC song.) The story starts with the cast seeing the blood drained, hanging corpse of a missing member (Gorrister) who then joins the group, proving the image to be a trick by AM to torment them. Later on, another member of the cast, Nimdok, says that he hallucinated seeing canned goods in an icy cave, which both the narrator (Ted) and Gorrister are dubious of given AM's propensity for tricks. Still, this is something incredibly value because one of AM's many ways to torment the cast is by starving them. The five ultimately end up going on a long, arduous quest to try and find the food, with the AI regularly throwing challenges their way like extreme winds, earthquakes, and giant birds.
Going back to TADC, in both these pieces of media we see characters chasing after a goal that is believed by others to be unattainable. Pomni (and some of the others) with the exit, and this cast with their food.
Furthermore, we see the consequence in the story of someone trying to escape, with the character Benny, who is already on the edge of sanity as is, talk about escaping, leading AM to punish him by binding him. (Consider: in this story, a character is forced into darkness, while in TADC, darkness is the only thing that appears to calm the Abstracted.)
The story ends with them being tormented by getting close to their goals, but ultimately unable to attain them (they have access to weapons to hunt a giant bird, but they aren't functional. They find the cans but there aren't ways to open them.) And in response to this, Benny ends up attacking and eating Gorrister, which causes Ted to conclude that the only true escape is death, and while AM won't let them starve or kill themselves, they are able to kill each other if the AI isn't given time to stop them. This leads to Ted killing Benny, while Ellen kills Nimdok, understanding Ted's intentions, and then letting Ted kill her. This leaves Ted alone, with AM taking its revenge by turning him into a blob that is doomed to just exist, tormented by his memories and unable to scream due to his lack of a mouth.
Now, while TADC is a psychological horror in a lot of its own ways, I am unsure that it will take quite a dark turn in its ending. But I still wanted to draw out some of the parallels that appear to exist between them, as well as how this could inform the ending.
One thing is that the cast in IHNMAIMS is five people, while in TADC it is currently believed to be six (assuming none of the NPC theories are true.) Now, this may not have any ramifications and simply be a difference in numbers, or it could point to the fact that later in the show, the cast gets cut down by a member, due to either abstraction or the reveal of an NPC amongst them (although Gooseworx has disproven the "Jax is an NPC" theory.) But ultimately this could mean is TADC, only five characters end up going on a journey to find the exit, paralleling the five characters in IHNMAIMS.
Caine vs AM. Gooseworx has said that "Digital Circus is very inspired by I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. But instead of AM being a living embodiment of hate, he's a fun-loving wacky little guy."
In both pieces of media, we have an AI that is ultimately tormenting the humans that are being held captive within its domain, but as Gooseworx said, the main difference is the intent. In IHNMAIMS, it is revealed that AM chose to keep these five humans captive and torment them because they were the ones responsible for its sentience, and in reality it is captive like they are as it is unable to die.
Caine may not be doing what he is doing intentionally, but the point stands that he is held captive by his programming and responsibilities. We see his increased panic over the episodes as he realizes he may not be doing his job/purpose well, and it breaks him. We don't know if he is the one who is responsible for holding them captive, or if he's a tool made by the person truly responsible, but as of now he appears unaware of what truly is causing the humans around him distress. In the Pilot we see him play with the idea of an Exit Door without comprehending what it is the others really want. We see in episode 3 that he can't seem to compute the criticism or feedback Zooble gives him, because it's not something in his vocabulary.
AM and Caine are both captors and held captive is possibly different ways, and as a result torment those they are stuck with. In IHNMAIMS, AM's fate is to basically be doomed to existence forever, the only freedom it has being to torment Ted. And it's possible Caine's fate may be similar, or they may instead subvert this by giving Caine freedom. Not by escaping the Circus, but by being able to go beyond his directive/coding, understanding the humans more and possibly even helping them at the end, since empathy appears to be a large theme in the show, and we already see with Gummigoo how non-humans grow outside of their original purpose.
Another parallel between AM and Caine I wanted to point out is that of biblical imagery. In IHNMAIMS, AM is equivocated to God in a lot of ways, both in Ted's internal dialogue, and in later imagery with AM appearing in forms similar to how God appeared in religious scriptures, including a burning bush. With Caine, we have his name and the possible "Caine and Abel" reference with "C&A", as well as Loolilalu literally calling him "God" with a stained glass window in episode 2. (Plus all that angel and Hell stuff in episode 3.)
Cannibalism. Possibly no deeper meaning behind it but wanted to throw out that Benny attacks and eats Gorrister, and in episode 5 Jax attacks and tries to eat both Gangle and "Evil Jax" (albeit this is played more as a joke, and since it has previously been shown characters can't die or eat (?) the impact is a lot less than in IHNMAIMS.)
Stabbing with spikes. In IHNMAIMS, Ted and Ellen kill Benny and Nimdok (and then Ted kills Ellen) with ice spears, with Benny being stabbed by Ted just under the ribs. In episode 2, Ragatha gets stabbed with a pointy rock that penetrates the car they're driving. (Again, she is completely fine from this so the impact is clearly different, and it's more of a throw-away gag, but I wonder if this was intentional.)
The human casts:
Breaking the cast of IHNMAIMS down one by one, we have:
Ted, the narrator who is cynical and often the voice of reason. The has harsh opinions about the others in the group and is convinced that they hate him. He is also the youngest of them all and does not believe he has been changed much mentally by AM compared to others. He ultimately kills the others to free them and is doomed to an existence as a blob.
Ellen, repeatedly dunked on by Ted's internal dialogue, she is the only female of the cast and is viewed as a "fake slut," showing empathy and concern for the others, especially Benny, which Ted writes off as her only doing because the two sleep together. Ted is constantly skeptical of her and believes her to be often lying, with his view of her clearly skewed due to misogyny and cynicism. She is killed by Ted after she kills Nimdok.
Benny, previously a brilliant theorist and college professor, Benny appears to have gone through the most amount of changes by AM, body transformed to be ape-like, and has grown insane over time. He tries to escape and is blinded as punishment, and cracks at the end of the story, cannibalizing Gorrister.
Gorrister, previously a conscientious objector and peace activist, AM twisted his mind to be apathetic, lacking passion. He is the one who appears to always explain the story of the war to Benny, who regularly forgets and is calmed by the familiar story. He is cannibalized by Benny and Ted puts him out of his misery.
Nimdok, given that name by AM, who likes senseless words, is the one who convinces the others to go on the quest in search of food, even though he himself is aware it could be a trick. He frequently retreats, coming back pale and traumatized. He is killed by Ellen.
Going through these characters, there definitely appear to be some parallels, the most obvious in that of Ted, Ellen, and Benny. While TADC more follows Pomni, the narrator Ted definitely seems to have a perspective that more fits Jax, especially with the cynical perspective, distrust of others, and specific hatred towards Ellen, who appears to be a parallel to Ragatha. Both Ted and Jax view these respective characters as fake in their displayed compassion, although Ted does care enough to kill her in the end, hoping her look was that of gratitude. Jax and Ted are also both the youngest of their respective casts (with Gooseworx saying in a Tumblr post that Jax is 22, with the next youngest character being Zooble, who is 22 1/2.) Then with Benny, we have Kinger, both previously academics (Kinger studied computer science for 7 years), and having been driven mad by the setting they've been forced into, with a bad memory at times.
Gorrister appears apathetic, similar to Zooble often is, with both also comforting those around them at times (Gorrister telling Benny the familiar story to calm him, Zooble being compassionate towards Gangle.) Pomni and Nimdok are both given nonsense names (XDDCC), pushing for quests that others view as futile, and regularly traumatized. Nimdok and Zooble also both share the similarity that they tend to separate themselves from the group a lot of the time.
Gangle is one I have more difficulty finding a parallel for. Her emotions seem dictated by her masks, which makes me think about how AM altered the emotional state of Gorrister (ultimately making him care less (which reminds me of Gangle in episode 4 where she starts falling apart.) Like Gorrister, she is the one attacked and eaten by a fellow cast member (although there does not appear to be any lasting effects on Gangle's end.)
Zooble, Pomni, and Gangle are ultimately harder to find direct correlates for, but in the cast of Jax, Ragatha, and Kinger, there are definitely a lot of arguments that can be made to tie them to characters from the 1967 story.
The blobs. The story ends with Ted as a blob that is aware but unable to speak or act, trapped to exist in purgatory. This could be indicative of the nature of those who abstracted and point to the fact that they are aware to some capacity and trapped in the basement, showing that this isn't "death" so much as a new form of entrapment (possibly a safeguard because the game deems them too "unstable?) (Silly thing, but in the recent ad for the costumed TADC animiniz, it has Caine being the one to turn Kaufmo into his abstracted form. This isn't necessarily canon, since Gooseworx has discussed how they are not responsible for the merchandise produced (and subsequently, likely not the marketing) but I think it's a fun little thing to consider in the context of this story.)
The ending. What could this mean? Ted's fate, freeing the others while dooming himself, could point to how the characters will escape the circus. Unlike in IHNMAIMS, characters in TADC seem unable to kill each other, and abstraction possibly traps them in a different way (see the above point), so they may genuinely have a way to escape to the real world, but if it parallels the story's ending, it may be at the expense of one of the cast members.
But the question remains: who would be Ted? One theory going around, based on the Intermission we see in episode 5, is that Kinger will have the chance at freedom, but give it up, choosing to stay behind with his wife. This is based on how when the characters are crushed by either bowling balls (Jax and Pomni) or squashed with cake (Gangle and Ragatha), Kinger grabs the bowling ball before it can fall on him, then getting knocked down by a chess piece. The other possibility I see with this is Jax, who consistently aligns with Ted in terms of character traits and would likely be the one to take the step if escape required something extreme (like how Ted killed his fellow prisoners.)
Considering the idea that what is seen in the Intermission does symbolize the future for the characters, this does give interesting implications for the ending of the show. Kinger ends up in the role of Ted, staying behind, while Jax and Pomni are "squashed" and Gangle and Ragatha are "caked" (which some fans theorize to mean that Jax and Pomni escape, while Gangle and Ragatha end up abstracted, which could be the case, or could represent in another way their fates, with maybe Ragatha and Gangle having a similar fate/being paired together at the end, while Jax, Pomni, and Kinger are grouped together, but Kinger sacrifices himself for them or something. Notice that Zooble is absent though, which makes the cast only five characters, the same amount in IHNMAIMS, and could mean that they possibly aren't part of the escape for whatever reason?
Will they see the outside? In IHNMAIMS, we have the sad ending of Ted being trapped for what seems like eternity with AM, although there doesn't appear to be much waiting for him outside other than a post-apocalyptic wasteland. We never see the outside, and are subjected, like Ted, to this prison. The question then is, will we see the outside in TADC? If the others escape, will we be able to see them come to (a "better" ending to IHNMAIMS tragic one), will we be trapped with whoever remains behind, will things end with them waking up, do they have anything to wake up to (how would their bodies have been maintained? Is escape just death, like it is in the story?)
The Amazing Digital Circus is only inspired by this short story, so it's possible that only the settings mirror each other, and there are no further implications, but I wanted to explore possibilities if TADC does end up drawing more from it. There are a lot of questions left unanswered currently, and until the time comes we won't know how much TADC parallels the story of the characters in "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream."
But yeah! This took me wayyyy too long to write, and again, I have no idea how much of this will end up meaning anything, but I wanted to break this down with that knowledge that TADC was inspired by Ellison's story!
someone overhears ilya threatening shane with releasing an incriminating photo and the whole league and twitter goes wild because this is blackmail !!
so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander
instead it’s a picture of canadas golden boy hungover eating mcdonald’s for breakfast flipping off the camera wearing a raiders hoodie
Imagine if during their 'please don't think we're gay if we are seen together... pls ... kay thanks bye' press conference, Shane says Ilya's name and pronounces it correctly (ill-ya roZAnov instead of eel-ee-a ROzanov) and at first people online clown on him for saying it wrong, but then ...
tiktok girlie: Okay guys, get this. I have looked everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE for a video of Ilya saying his own name and ... it doesn't exist. This man has not said his own name in eight years in the MLH.
*cuts to video of MLH players doing some charity thing*
Marleau: Hi, my name is Cliff Marleau.
Hunter: Hey. This is Scott Hunter.
Ilya: You know who I am.
*cuts to another video*
Interviewer: Can you introduce yourself?
Ilya: No.
tiktok girlie: Like ... what the hell? I found one (ONE) video where he says his name, but ... *sigh* he says it like this:
*cuts to a video of Ilya and his teammates playing Mario Kart and Ilya saying "IL-i-AAA ROO-za-NOV" in an Iltalian accent so it sounds like 'it's a me, Maaa-ri-ooo".
tiktok girlie: You guys! What if Hollander is saying it right??? Wouldn't that be so crazy? That would mean that all of his teammates and coaches and all the commentators and fans have been saying it wrong for years. And his BIGGEST RIVAL pronounces it correctly.
I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
theartofmadeline
areudirty
izzy806
