âYeah, Iâve been telling myself a second ago that everythingâs okay and thereâs no need to worry but youâre way more convincing. Iâm happy that today things went the way they did, thatâs all I could dream of so thank you, Henry. And I wonât bother you too much -- well, maybe to remind you about taking some sleep and eating while this thinking process is happening, after all none of us is good at this kind of multi-tasking.â Carlyle opened the door and turned his head to the other man before leaving. âTake care, Henry. And, once again, je tâaime.â
Instead of taking the elevator, he walked down the stairs and left the building through the main exit. His car was parked at the underground parking area but Carlyle definitely needed a cigarette and a secluded place to deal with the welter of thoughts that had taken over his mind the moment he left Henryâs apartment. He walked around the building and stopped by the back door to the parking lot. Lighinting a cigarette, he leant against the wall.
Henry mentioned their trip to Scotland that was supposed to be yet another travel during the holidays and nothing really special but turned out to still be important after over two decades. It was pure self-searching, awkward and clumsy attempt to answer the questions none of them expected to be asked. Carlyle kept all of the precious memories of oddness and happiness, of discomfort they found so easy to overcome and of shivers that every touch was causing. Everything was new, exciting and strangely scary but still more pleasurable than anything else before that.Â
They had no idea how any of these emotions work. Carlyle was a weird nerdy teenager that spent his whole life buried in books so his interpersonal skills needed a lot of development to reach an acceptable level and Henry knew well how to behave during royal parties but had no idea how to deal with any of the surprises Scotland had for them.
Very little details were left somewhere and lost forever, he could recall almost everything and todayâs awkward kisses reminded him of all the amazement and weirdness both of them had to face many years ago.
But Carlyle and Henry were different men. The teenagers were gone, they didnât have to hide their tangled up hands and surreptitious glances, they could share all these moments without fear and awkwardness but all the bad things had also left significant marks on them and ignoring those wasnât possible without using that pernicious denial shortcut. Denying that the mistakes were made couldnât possibly be the way of rebuilding trust. Carlyle was ready to wait, after all Henry had been waiting for way too long for him to finally get a grip and when he did, a letdown quickly followed.
Carlyle stubbed out the cigarette on the ground and made his way to the parking area.
Breathing was easier. Generally speaking.
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